Tag Archives: coaching

May13

10 Leadership Lessons From My Mom

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Today is Mother’s Day and normally I don’t write blog posts on my mother on this day. A mother, I believe is someone who needs to be honored, loved, cared every single day and not just on Mother’s Day. Why did I decide to write a blog post this year?

I was having a chat with a business colleague yesterday and we were discussing leadership, qualities of a leader and people who have inspired each of us. On the topic of inspiration, many have inspired me but none better than my mom and my dad. Since the discussion is fresh in my mind and Mother’s Day is today, I thought, why not translate these thoughts into a blog post.

My mom has never considered herself as a leader and even if you tell her she probably doesn’t understand how she can be a leader.

My mom is in her 70’s and she comes from a conservative background. She got married when she was 19 and she has always been a housewife who always found pleasure in looking after her home, her family and in building a temple of values.

Why do I consider my mom as a leader ?

For the full post refer to the LINK

Feb25

Have You Befriended “The Gremlin”

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Belonging starts with self-acceptance … Believing that you’re enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic. – Brene Brown, research professor in social work

Who do you give more airtime to; your “Inner Champion” or your “Inner Critic”

A client of mine, let’s call her Jane had this struggle with her inner village. A pompous voice that always kept telling her that she will fail miserably when speaking in front of crowds.

If you look at Jane, she is an individual who exudes confidence in whatever she does in her other aspects of life. She has ventured out into many challenges in her work and personal life. However, in whatever she does she feels she is an underachiever and she can do better. She expects herself to always do better.

As far as public speaking was concerned, her inner critic dominated her and controlled her actions to her detriment.

As we engage with the world, many times we internalize the voices of our significant others, voices that encourage, voices that criticize, empowering voices, supportive voices, cautious voices, loving voices. And there is our voice of our own inner village that encourages and champions us in our endeavors and other times criticizes us and undermines our potential. The voice of the inner critique is one that loves to break us, stroke us and doubt ourselves. She falsifies your ego by justifying why you don’t want to do something.

When I asked Jane how long she has dealt with her critical inner village, she said “12 years.” And she was giving attention to it for 12 years.

She mentioned that her inner village always liked to bully her, tease her, remind her of all things that could go wrong if she had to speak in front of a crowd, how bad she was when she spoke, how her body language, facial expressions, and the way she spoke was improper. This inner village was almost always with her and spoke to her loud to discourage her. When she was dominated by her inner critic, if she happened to hear anything from her personal relationships, she found herself further vulnerable and in a flight or fight mode, though she never displayed it.

She came to me at a time when she realized that a strategy of trying to shut herself from this voice of the inner critic didn’t work. She realized that the situation was becoming worse. She couldn’t run away from herself. She had to face her inner demons, deal with them and overcome them.

So how does one recognize their inner critic, accept it, learn to deal with it and move on with life without this demon stopping you from living your life.

Questions you need to ask yourself – READ ON... FOR FULL POST PLEASE CLICK LINK

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Jan12

“The Silence” – 5 Do’s and Dont’s

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Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in life has purpose. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

How many times have you wished silence from a person sitting opposite you or in a meeting room ?

How many times have you been in an awkward moment when you realized that you should have kept silent after spitting out words in anger?

 In Silence it is important to listen and it is a communication skill in that one needs to know when not to talk or interrupt.

  1. In sales pitches, the inability to remain silent can cost the deal and many times the client relationship. Have you and your team members who are presenting to the client given an opportunity to the client to speak? Have you listened what they need?  A good sales person listens far more than they talk.
  2. You call on your friend to share a difficulty that you are going through. When you meet this friend, he starts talking about his day and how he would have handled or has handled difficulties in his life. He has barely heard you, leave alone listen. You sit there listening to his nonstop babble, when all you wanted him to do was listen – Listen silently without interruptions or judgment. Many times in life all we need is to vent out what we are going through and a person to listen.  There is a time for silence, time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over.
  3. Most of us have met this person who endlessly brags about their deal striking ability or the number of places they have been or the people whom they have met. A lot of this happens without context and some of these nonstop banter may endanger the privy of confidential data.
  4. Being extremely negative about competition just to get your company to win the bid. Many times these conversations take place over a drink or dinner and damages the reputation of the company and the person.
  5. Dropping names just to show how influential you are.

There is a time and place for everything and silence in all the above situations is appropriate and necessary. It is better to use the art of silence rather than blurting out on an impulse, just to say something.

Nothing strengthens authority so much as silence – Leonardo Da Vinci

 Is Silence good or warranted in all situations ? No, absolutely not.

  1.  Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. You are the lonely one who can be the lead in your life.
  2. Never be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering, violence in any form and humiliation. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented and being neutral and silent is not the solution. The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people but the silence over that by the good people. Martin Luther King Jr.
  3. Never be silent when you are aware about acts of wrong doing within a company or in any other day-to-day situations.
  4. Never be silent in situations where silence may mean acceptance or consent or grant of approval.
  5. Do not be silent in the face of misunderstandings.

Silence is about mastering the art of timing. During public speaking, silence is good for the audience to think, for you to create emphasis around a new idea that you may be presenting.  Even on Social Media, you need to know that not everything needs to be shared and there is no necessity to have an opinion on every single matter or a status update on whether you are thinking, swimming, having dinner or wish to talk or doing many other things. If you need to express all of that, best to journal it or talk to yourself.

Silence is one of the great arts of communication as long as you know when and where.

It is tact that is golden, not silence. Samuel Butler

Which word or set of words will you choose to use every time you speak?

Do you need to speak every time you have an urge to say something?

Please refer my blog post on Power Of Listening – Shut Up and Listen Will Ya ?

Images : Lalita Raman

Dec16

Top 5 Uses of “Powerful Questions”

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Understanding a question is half an answer – Socrates

How many times have you been confronted, during a presentation or at a meeting, with a question? A question that has made you think, engage you and pull you back into the conversation or dialogue where you might have lost focus.

In all forms of communication, one’s impact is most effective when we pay attention to the receipt of our influence.  Questions, in my view, allows one to listen and interject at the relevant time and get the other party engaged and excited about the conversation or the subject being discussed. In the relevant context, a question constructed and asked properly acts as a catalyst. Questioning skills deserve much more attention than they usually get.

Any question is relevant if asked in the right context and enables you to determine if you can continue to push forward, pull back or change your style.  The most important part of questions is that it should assist in keeping the parties in a dialogue engaged and enable you to influence someone’s behavior or thinking, latter especially useful in negotiations, coaching and mentoring.

Bottom line, questions enables you to think, create and enhance trust and strengthens communication amongst a team, and between two people.  Managers instead of telling one of their subordinates to get something done and not seeing results might do well by asking the right questions. Try it, and the results will amaze you.

For FULL POST, refer to the LINK

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Dec9

The Power Of “MINDFULNESS”

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You must have had manic days where you have no time to drink water or take a deep breadth, when you have a million things to do and yet get pulled in different directions.  Some of the moments on these days can be those of elation, anger, sadness, exasperation, exuberance and sheer exhaustion.

Life throws many a challenge and it is entirely up to each of us on the choices we make. In today’s rat race, we forget many times that success linked to external factors creates a vacuum and our soul is restless.

With all the pressures we face in our day-to-day lives, we find it difficult to find the right equilibrium between our short-term financial goals and long-term calling.  Many of us become human doers rather than a human being.

Many of you have heard of mindfulness and probably practice it.  What is mindfulness? Is there some magic formula? Does one have to attain the state of nirvana? Is it about sitting in meditation on a daily basis?

Key to mindfulness is be aware and conscious of what you are doing and give your fullest to that moment in heart and soul.  If you can stay grounded and authentic, face new challenges daringly and with humility and be at peace with the present, that is mindfulness.

10 Keys To Mindfulness

  1. Is it just about sitting in a corner and meditating I think not. It is anything you choose to do with clarity and a deeper understanding. It is about being present in whatever you are doing and being aware of your presence and ways every action of yours would impact others.
  2. Being conscious of your values no matter what you do, you lead with your values and from your inner self.
  3. Are you giving the attention of your time ? Give your full focus in whatever you are doing be it working out, having a dialogue with somebody, or listening to someone.  Staying focused without allowing your thoughts to wander.
  4. What is my inner talk ? to journal and reflect on one’s day while walking or hiking or even whilst just being, enables clarity.
  5. Am I whole-hearted about in every thing I do? being involved in mind, body and soul in whatever we are engaged in at that moment in time? The ability to give our whole and undivided attention to those that I care about.
  6. Can I go on a journey inside ? Ability to be silent and quiet in the frenetic lives that most of us lead. To be comfortable with the silence within you where there is serenity and nothing awkward or nothing to fight or argue about. A place where your mind is at rest and you are comfortable with the silence and the solitude and one that gives you clarity and peace.
  7. Am I Being in the now to me this does not mean forgetting the past. I look at it as using experiences in the past and leveraging on the strength that it has given me to deal with the now. We are what we are today as a result of our life experiences and we should take a leaf of every experience that has made us who we are today and leverage of it to deal with what life has to offer us.
  8. Am I planting a seed for my future  every moment is a choice and each of these choices paves the next moment and several such moments in our journey of life.
  9. Am I human ? In that I am grateful for what I have, gratuitous to others, realistically optimistic, not do unto others what I would not to self
  10. Am I courageous and willing to try? Belief in self and not have the inner critique and fears pull me down.

Various studies and research have shown that mindfulness meditation significantly improves the effects on brain and immune function. It has positive effects on physical health, emotional control, sleep control, coping styles, anxiety and concentration.

Research and studies have also shown that we’re often happiest when we’re lost in “The Moment”. The more we allow our mind to wander and control us the more lost we are and chances of being less happy.

There is always peace and serenity within us and it is only a matter of finding it in our solace.

References

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Dec3

Customer Service Excellence – 11 Key Questions

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Value Added Service

You decide to go to a restaurant with some friends for dinner. This restaurant prides itself in impeccable customer service, excellent delicacies, a new menu every week and the freshness of the dishes they serve. You look at the menu and decide on some dishes. You have some diet restrictions and request of the restaurant manager to serve you a salad without some items.  The restaurant manager refuses and tells you that the dishes have to be ordered as they are.  This is an expensive restaurant and you are not pleased and swear never to go back. On the other hand, now imagine a restaurant where the menu is simple, has limited variety but again prides itself in almost similar qualities as the first. However they are willing to be flexible and in terms of price is almost equally priced as the first one.

  • Which one would you go back to
  • Where do you see a value added service
  • Where do you think the price is justified
  • Who is actually walking the talk
Does pricey always mean value? The same dynamics of value creation can be extended to a sales role in any industry. In every sale, in every field if you have no real intention of creating value for your customer, then you aren’t selling. In selling and marketing you need to lead with your value and not your rates. You need to make it meaningful in that you create a better outcome for your clients.
When you say you add value to your clients in any organization it would imply adding value from an operational, functional view, and results in adding wealth to the overall business goal and this goal is in alignment with what your client needs. Are you listening to where you can add value for clients when you ask of a new client as to how they would like to be serviced?

There is a school of thought that most things are commoditized and yes over time if you don’t create your niche or add value, it’s easy to be a price taker than price maker. However everything can be differentiated, personalized, and there are opportunities to value price your services. The key is Customer Service Excellence (CSE) and all that goes with that. Developing CSE is an intangible, intellectual resource. You can take your clients as far you have gone yourself. They are probably looking for their better selves in you. YOU thus need to have that Edge. You need to create that value and walk your talk that you create value worth paying for.

For the full POST PLEASE CLICK THE LINK 

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Nov18

Success : What does It Mean To You ?

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What does success mean to you?  I was asked this question by one of my friends last week. Definitely got me thinking and after some thought I responded to her by saying it is something that appeals to my within, an act and achievement of that act.  She looked at me with the most surprised look and remarked, “oh!, so it is not about promotions, getting compliments, having a big house, or a successful business”.
Yes, success to many of us at some point in our lives may be associated with materialistic concepts because as we are growing up in life those are the things that are given importance to.  I’ve been there, yearned for the same things but life has taught me that success at the end of the day is how well I choose to face my disappointments and change my path to achieve the vision, one that still appeals to my within.  To achieve success one requires confidence, clarity and self-awareness.Success does not mean absence of failure. In fact, I would say not trying at all is possibly the worst failure. Our thoughts guide us through our journey in life and a lot of this depends on what you believe. Self belief is an important ingredient to the path of success. “I believe I can” or “I believe I can’t”, frame our thoughts and more often than not it is these self-limiting beliefs that become hurdles in our path to success.

Let me give you an example,  one of my clients ? (Jim – not his real name) was narrating one of his experiences with his client and how he was getting very frustrated with his client’s inability to understand the nitty-gritty and the technicalities despite his efforts to explain the procedure in detail.  Jim had reached a stage of almost giving up and believed he will not achieve success with this client of his, despite his repeated attempts.  As part of Jim’s coaching sessions, I asked questions focussing on his strengths and to evaluate options not considered.  With the help of coaching, I made him realize that self belief is imperative and closely aligned with self belief is courage, commitment, patience, and flexibility to change approach to reach the final vision.
I believe that a good sales person is one who believes in their ability, the value of the product or service that they are offering and is able to convince their buyer re: the utility value of the product or the service. Real conviction comes from believing in something wholeheartedly and as a good sales person you share that belief with your clients and are able to convince them of the product or service.
Life to each of us is a sum collection of our beliefs and thoughts and translating our vision to reality. If you believe you are, you will be. Belief is translated in your audio and video.  When you have a strong belief in yourself, everything that you do will reveal this positive power of your belief.  And this, I believe is the key to success.  If you believe, you exhibit confidence and being confident matters to the success in what you seek to achieve.
Drawing an analogy, I would say, self belief is almost like an addiction – if you are addicted to your vision,  you will believe you will achieve success and be confident about it and work towards achieving your vision.
For the Full Post Please Click on the LINK
Oct14

The Zen of Conflict Leadership – 5 Keys to deal with Conflicts

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“The better able team members are to engage, speak, listen, hear, interpret, and respond constructively, the more likely their teams are to leverage conflict rather than be leveled by it” Runde and Flanagan

Conflict is not something many of us like to be in. Many situations of conflict create a feeling of fight or flight. It triggers a lot of negative emotions including anger, turmoil and a sense of threat.

But is conflict really that bad at all times ?

Is it possible to accept conflict as a learning process ?

Peace is not the absence of conflict but it is the ability to deal with Conflict by way of creative alternatives to respond to situations of conflict.

What is Conflict ? Conflict arises from differences of opinion. It arises when people disagree over values, ideas, perceptions or even when led by different motivations.

Conflicts cannot be avoided because no two people can agree on everything at all times.  A better way to resolve conflicts is not to avoid it or runaway from it but deal with it in a constructive and positive manner.  Confidence comes from knowing that you have the skills to communicate in a difficult situation, and you have the ability to diagnose the situation accurately as you choose the best strategy for the situation.

5 Keys to resolving or dealing with conflicts – please click the LINK  for DETAILS

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Sep23

Marcus Buckingham Alert: Hiring For Talent

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Joanne sits back in her chair deep in thought. She is concerned about her daughter Maria who has become very withdrawn, agitated at times and losing interest in whatever she is doing. She has two daughters Ann and Maria who are identical twins. She thinks back on the training and the access to facilities that she has given both her daughters. They have always been given the same training no matter in sport or any other field. Yet, Ann has been a consistent performer and enjoys whatever she does. Maria on the other hand seems disinterested in any of the activities.

Maria has got an innate talent to sing, to write poetry, to draw and she enjoys the few moments in her day when she does what pleases her inner soul. She has no interest in dance, swimming or learning the various languages. She forces herself to go to classes with her sister since her mom wants her to.

  • How many of you have been in a similar position?
  • Or as parents not recognized the innate talents of your children ?
  • How many of us in our organizations have not been recognized for our strengths and our innate talents?
  • How many of us have left our jobs because we feel under-utilized or because of our immediate managers?

Your talent is God’s gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God. Leo Buscaglia

Talent is something we are all born with – it is something that drives us, it is the way we think, and it is how we build relationships.  Skills can be taught but not talent. If someone by nature is meticulous and detail oriented or empathetic, these aren’t something you can teach another or even if you do they may not necessarily excel at it. Experience, brain power, and will power are important but it is the talent that carves our recurring thoughts, feelings or behaviors and they explain the Why,Who and How of a person.

Talent is the recurring behavior, feelings and thoughts. Our Strengths are built on fortifying our talents with knowledge and skills

For the Detailed POST, please CLICK THIS LINK 

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Sep18

Don’t Walk Away From These 15 Learnings Of An Entrepreneur

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“Set your goals higher than you can achieve.” Ted Turner

You have been working over 15 years with various multinationals. You have come up the rung of the Corporate Ladder having tried various roles with various organizations and in different countries.  You enjoyed the success, the learning, the challenges and the network of your contacts.

There are great advantages of Corporate Life some of them being the pay check, the power that goes with your position and the time you can decide to be away from office on vacation.  But yet some of us reach a stage that we decide to leave the Corporate World. We decide to venture out on our own to follow a dream, a passion and be an entrepreneur.

I decided to become an entrepreneur recently, after my stint in the Corporate World and I wanted to share some of my learnings in this journey:

1. Don’t reinvent the wheel – learn from the success stories and set backs of others and use that as an enriching experience to lay your own path.

2. Cash flow – before you decide to take the plunge, make sure you know your cash flow, and plan your outflows for the next 8-12 months.  There is always a lead time to establish yourselves in whatever you seek to do and during this time your outflows will exceed your inflows.

3. Partners – Determine if you want to venture on your own or with a partner. Choose to go with a partner with complementary skills. Ask yourself “Do I like working with this person?” “Can we be with each other through thick and thin?”. Decide how many people you want in partnership. Decide on the structure.

4. Down days than up days – learn to take notice of small things and be thankful. It is those little things that will keep you going especially when you feel you have more down days than up days.

5. Family support – you need unconditional support from your family. Your spouse or partner needs to understand and buy into the one non earning member status till you establish your business.

6. Support around you – in the Corporate world you have the support of IT, Human Resources, back office staff and many others. When you set up your own venture you have to wear several hats and learn to deal with the various issues that arise. Learn to take critique but stay away from the naysayers and those who attempt to bring you down by their talk and action.

7. Personal brand – You are your personal brand. Do not underestimate it. It is your values, skills, talents and how you engage both personally and professionally. It is how you walk your talk. Be consistent in what you say, do and let your actions give power to your words.

8. Passion – ask yourself why you decided to quit Corporate life. Remind yourself of your passion and let that be a motivation to move forward.

9. Patience – this is an absolute prerequisite.  There are days when you feel like giving up but it is absolutely essential to give yourself time. Be optimistic but a realist. Do not set unachievable targets. Choose to walk away from an option but do not give up on your ultimate passion and goal.  Don’t latch onto the idea you first think of but keep an open mind and brain storm various ideas. Talk to a Coach who can enable you to make informed choices.

“Everyone needs a Coach.” Eric Schmidt

10. Personal sacrifices - there are many sacrifices you’ll have to make for e.g. Not going on a holiday, working over weekends, not going out for dinners or parties as often as you may have liked to, not being a shopaholic, cutting down on your sleep hours and TV time. Don’t forget to take a break and get yourself recharged & refreshed.

11. People, process & performance - trust and rely on your networks and connections. Learn to trust your own intuition. Remember to set clear processes but be flexible. Always obtain feedback and check your progress and performance regularly.

“Leave your ego at the door.” Howard Schulz

12. Discipline – Be positive but don’t use positivity to stop thinking about real, practical challenges in your life. Be disciplined and know when to cut your loss.

“There’s a difference between effectiveness and efficiency.” Rick Warren 

13. Exit strategy – if you have put your heart and soul to it and if the venture does not work out for reasons beyond your control, plan your exit strategy. Don’t allow your emotion to take control and affect your rational thinking.

“Follow the argument where it leads.” Anthony Flew

14. Why? Every time you get frustrated and overwhelmed on your down days, remind yourself of the “Why?”. I ventured into Coaching And Leadership because I wanted to make a difference, build something with my own hands and in doing so learn something new and ride the adventure.

15. Cushion – be prepared for setbacks but let those not be road blocks. Build enough cushion for yourself and always be a realist. Even the toughest knight has weak moments but let those not be reasons to give up.

Give yourself time and support, be realistic and remember that the choice that you make today will affect you forever.

“Leave Behind More Than You Can Take.” Ursula Burns

What have you learnt from being an entrepreneur? How have you dealt with some setbacks? What would you do different if you turned back the clock?

Please share your views or learnings in the comment section below.

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