Little Things That Matter

Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

The Power Of “MINDFULNESS”

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You must have had manic days where you have no time to drink water or take a deep breadth, when you have a million things to do and yet get pulled in different directions.  Some of the moments on these days can be those of elation, anger, sadness, exasperation, exuberance and sheer exhaustion.

Life throws many a challenge and it is entirely up to each of us on the choices we make. In today’s rat race, we forget many times that success linked to external factors creates a vacuum and our soul is restless.

With all the pressures we face in our day-to-day lives, we find it difficult to find the right equilibrium between our short-term financial goals and long-term calling.  Many of us become human doers rather than a human being.

Many of you have heard of mindfulness and probably practice it.  What is mindfulness? Is there some magic formula? Does one have to attain the state of nirvana? Is it about sitting in meditation on a daily basis?

Key to mindfulness is be aware and conscious of what you are doing and give your fullest to that moment in heart and soul.  If you can stay grounded and authentic, face new challenges daringly and with humility and be at peace with the present, that is mindfulness.

10 Keys To Mindfulness

  1. Is it just about sitting in a corner and meditating I think not. It is anything you choose to do with clarity and a deeper understanding. It is about being present in whatever you are doing and being aware of your presence and ways every action of yours would impact others.
  2. Being conscious of your values no matter what you do, you lead with your values and from your inner self.
  3. Are you giving the attention of your time ? Give your full focus in whatever you are doing be it working out, having a dialogue with somebody, or listening to someone.  Staying focused without allowing your thoughts to wander.
  4. What is my inner talk ? to journal and reflect on one’s day while walking or hiking or even whilst just being, enables clarity.
  5. Am I whole-hearted about in every thing I do? being involved in mind, body and soul in whatever we are engaged in at that moment in time? The ability to give our whole and undivided attention to those that I care about.
  6. Can I go on a journey inside ? Ability to be silent and quiet in the frenetic lives that most of us lead. To be comfortable with the silence within you where there is serenity and nothing awkward or nothing to fight or argue about. A place where your mind is at rest and you are comfortable with the silence and the solitude and one that gives you clarity and peace.
  7. Am I Being in the now to me this does not mean forgetting the past. I look at it as using experiences in the past and leveraging on the strength that it has given me to deal with the now. We are what we are today as a result of our life experiences and we should take a leaf of every experience that has made us who we are today and leverage of it to deal with what life has to offer us.
  8. Am I planting a seed for my future  every moment is a choice and each of these choices paves the next moment and several such moments in our journey of life.
  9. Am I human ? In that I am grateful for what I have, gratuitous to others, realistically optimistic, not do unto others what I would not to self
  10. Am I courageous and willing to try? Belief in self and not have the inner critique and fears pull me down.

Various studies and research have shown that mindfulness meditation significantly improves the effects on brain and immune function. It has positive effects on physical health, emotional control, sleep control, coping styles, anxiety and concentration.

Research and studies have also shown that we’re often happiest when we’re lost in “The Moment”. The more we allow our mind to wander and control us the more lost we are and chances of being less happy.

There is always peace and serenity within us and it is only a matter of finding it in our solace.

References

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Why Say “Thank You”

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Thanksgiving Day is a national holiday celebrated primarily in the United States and Canada. Several other places around the world observe similar celebrations. It is celebrated on the fourth Thursday of November in the United States and on the second Monday of October in Canada. Thanksgiving has its historical roots in religious traditions, but today is celebrated in a more secular manner.
 
The purpose of Thanksgiving is to reflect on everything that we have to be thankful for, be it health, family, food, friends, material possessions, overall happiness and success.

Do we need to Thank only on Thanksgiving Day or make that a part and parcel of our daily life ? I think this day serves as a good reminder that “thankfulness” and “appreciation” are important behaviors that need to be fostered as part of our day-to-day life.

“God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say “thank you?” William Arthur Ward
Thank you is the two most important words that each of us should never forget to use. Saying Thank you from the heart and with sincerity to another makes a world of difference. It is an expression of sense of gratitude, an acknowledgement, a recognition of someone’s worthwhile contributions, a sense of motivation and encouragement for the receiver.
 
Why Say Thank you ?
 
  1. Feeling grateful and expressing gratitude Even on the most down days, we need to learn to make Thank you a part of our day. Saying Thank You for our meals, for another day that has dawned on us, for our hands, eyes, feet, legs, and every part of our body.  Every little thing matters and having a sense of gratitude that life has offered each of us allows us to fill our life with love and appreciation.
  2. A sense of motivation within an organization – it is a simple and elegant form of recognizing somebody within an organization for their effort and contribution.
  3. Not having something – I’m very accident prone and every time I hurt my toe or finger or elbow, I realize the importance of each and every toe in my feet or the relevant body part. When everything is fine and functioning one tends to take the use of each part of our body for granted. However mishaps and accidents are gentle reminders of how important each part of our body is.
  4. Saying a sincere thank you helps us to become congruent. Congruence between our values, ethics and what we say, do and how we live. Don’t block the feeling to be sincere and shower the praise or gratitude or appreciation on some one else.
  5. What we focus grows – many cultures especially in Asia probably don’t grow up with saying Thank you especially amongst near and dear family and friends. However, the more we practice, the more we feel grateful for, and that means we focus more on things we are grateful for. It forces us not to take things and people around us for granted.
  6. Fill your world with love – being grateful helps us to fill our lives and those around us with love and make the other person know they matter. We remind ourselves by the act of Thank You that every thing matters in our life.
  7. Because It Matters –  it matters to you, it matters to those around you. Spread the love peace and gratitude.
I would like to share with you, one of my favorite Thank you songs  
 

Thank you for taking the time to read this blog and sharing it. Please share your perspective on “Thank you” in the comments section below. Thank you.

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Do You Make Judgements and Stereotype in the First 60 Seconds?

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Elevator speeches and the necessity to impress someone or a group of people has become the call of the day.

How many times have you judged, hated, or been impressed by someone in less than a minute? So if someone whom you were meeting for the first time were to walk in with a fast pace, looked pre-occupied with something, didn’t really spend time on niceties like how are you, how was your day, and didn’t leave any time for detailed discussion as you are going through the meeting, would you  judge that person to be arrogant, overconfident, impatient and curt?

Even in social media we make judgment about people by looking at the number of followers that each one has. Some people are desperate to get the attention of those who have several followers or have been featured in some write-up that someone on Twitter has done about them and included them in Some Top 50 or 75 lists. An assumption is made by most people, that all those who have appeared in such lists, or have a lot of followers, have a good character and are kind. Sounds familiar? Yes so we judge and get judged in a minute or less.

An elevator speech may be very good but the follow through & delivery may not necessarily follow the impressive Elevator Speech.

So what is important for you to know when you meet someone for the first time and this could be an interview, a meeting with a potential business client, a presentation or a stranger who could turn out to be your friend, or client

  1. How you dress is important and even on Social Media many forget that they can’t show a bad Display Pictures or pictures that don’t represent them. Though you don’t have to be branded from top to toe or bedecked in jewelry or wear revealing clothes how you dress and what you wear is very important.
  2. How you walk into an interview or meeting as well as your body language is something that a lot of people tend to underestimate.
  3. It is not necessary to put on an accent. Be authentic & present your view-point succinctly & with clarity . There is no necessity to be rude nor put on a mask.
  4. One could be dressed well but yet many spoil the show when they open their mouth – words used and the tone of your voice is as important as how you look.
  5. Your facial expressions need to convey your authenticity.

The first impression  is important but you have to follow through with content and substance and have a good closure. What you say has to be consistent with what you do and no matter even if you have managed to impress someone in the first minute or so, if you don’t walk your talk you’ll surely cut a sorry figure.

What can you do as an observer? When you meet someone for the first time make observations, go with your gut feel but don’t jump to conclusions in the first minute. You may have someone who seems to be in a hurry and brusque but may be a person full of kindness & gratitude. Engage the person in the conversation before you judge.

Let me share with you a story – one of my friends (now) who was an ex colleague of mine, when I was working with one of the companies was visibly upset at the first second he saw me even before introductions. He always avoided me, was rather rude in his response if I ever asked him anything & whilst it was a regular practice to have a brief meeting with most of your colleagues in the first few weeks, he always came up with an excuse for not meeting me.  The irony was some people really liked him but there were others who were too scared of him. His behavior did strike me as strange and intrigued me. I was eager to get to know him but after trying very hard for a few months, I decided to step back.

I did judge him but my intuition kept telling me otherwise. Days went by, we got talking to each other, our interactions increased but he was always very brusque when he started talking to me. We parted ways going to different organizations and our paths crossed again in another organization. His behavior was completely the opposite. He gave me the insight about this new firm, called me out for a drink. One day I asked him why his behavior towards me had changed dramatically in that he was so pleasant & friendly. To my surprise he said oh!  “I was upset that you were brought in at a higher rank to me when you joined that organization”. “But over time, I figured out that I was showing the anger on the wrong person. I started liking your style and your ideas, and now with both of us again crossing paths I decided I should make up for the bad behavior”.

Many times some people may behave in a particular way because they are judging you by your title or your connections or position.  This incident taught me that I should not necessarily judge and more importantly write off someone by the way they behave. Yes, we have short attention span and it is important to have elevator speeches but let’s not be in a hurry to assess someone in less than a minute.

“Think not I am what I appear.” Byron, Lord

Do you think that the first minute impressions are valid?

Is it right to make a judgement based on first impressions?

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Commitment : Top 15 Questions You Need to Ask Yourself

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“What we speak becomes the house we live in.”-Hafez.

Remember you are only as good as your word and actions that match your word. Failing to keep your commitments is an indication that you don’t care about your vision, or word, your client, their time, and the outcomes.

Questions you need to ask yourself when your actions are not in sync with your word are:

  1. Do you have a clear goal and vision
  2. Are you trying to pursue one too many goals or things to do at the same time
  3. Are you trying to get some brownie points by agreeing to do something but have no real intention of doing it
  4. Are you trying to avoid a situation of open communication and dealing with the situation
  5. Have you prioritized your goals or list of activities…..?

For the Full Post, please click on the following link

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15 Things That Matter in Being You

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The two words we probably hear most often in the form of quotes and statements on Twitter, Pinterest & other forms of Social Media is ‘Be You’, ‘Just Be Yourself’.  What does “Be You’ mean?

Is it an excuse to use your personality as an excuse for bad behavior? I hear people saying hey ‘Just deal with it, this is who I am’. ‘I don’t believe in saying sorry or Thank you’. ‘I just can’t be bothered to change’.  There are yet others who insult others under the garb of humor and sarcasm.

‘ Being you’ I think, is a perfect defense for an egoistic person who has no respect for others and believes they are infallible ?

Of course each of us have our personality traits and inborn temperament which is unique to us and some of this is adapted to suit the environment that we live in and the circumstances that we face. However, the way we perceive and react to our day-to-day journey in life is a choice we can make and one that is within our control.

It is up to each of us to recognize our emotions, regulate our thoughts and frame the right mindset to respond in a manner that is appropriate to the situation at hand.

So what does Being You mean ?

I Believe

1. Whilst there is nothing wrong in being direct and honest, by no means the delivery of the statements or the tone in which it is delivered need be rude.

2. We are a result of our choices and we need to deal with the choices we have made. Negativity and emotional trauma arises when we get into the blaming game for all our misfortunes.

3. That sometimes when we are angry we have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give us the right to be cruel.

4. That each of us need to value ourselves and should not allow ourselves to be trampled on.

5. Each of us have our own strengths and we should build and use them to lead with integrity, trust and character

6. Each of us have our own weaknesses and we should marginalize our limitations to move forward

7. That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences we have had and what we have learned from them and how each of us choose to use them.

8. That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but, we are responsible for who we become.

9. That either we control our attitude or it controls us. Choose the right one.

10. That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

11.  We are human and love to be acknowledged, encouraged and appreciated. Being an introvert or shy is no excuse for not telling someone ‘You Matter’.

12. Each of us have to value and believe in ourselves.

13. None of us are perfect and can teach and learn something each day.

14. That just because you think you are successful you have no right to put out someone else’s light and efforts.

15. You are you and will be valued only if you treat others just like the way you would like to be treated.

Bottom-line, our personality is not an excuse to criticize, condemn and poke fun at somebody. Live and let live and encourage others to do the best. Each of us are unique and life is about learning from each other and making a difference in this world which we live in. Are you ‘Being You’ or ‘Being Brash’ ?

10 Hurdles To Emotional Learning

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When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bustling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity ~ Dale Carnegie

When I say Emotions, you almost immediately associate ‘Anger’ and ‘Sad’ as the synonyms.  Emotion is the mental state and this could be positive or negative.

There are seven major positive emotions : desire, faith, sex, enthusiasm, hope, love, romance.  And the seven major negative emotions are : anger, fear, jealousy, hatred, revenge, greed, superstition.

Our brains harbor a lot of emotions and it is the negative emotions that is worrying.  The amygdala  is most commonly associated with fear and anxiety.  Each of us have a chronic or habitual emotional level that determines the overall well-being or satisfaction.  If a threat is perceived,  the amygdala tends to hijack the reasoned response process.  We have certain triggers-things that cause us to have an emotional reaction and elicit our innate ‘fight of flight’ response.  This limits our capacity to think clearly and causes us to move to default behaviors that may not be skillful or effective.

Emotional intelligence (EI) is the cognitive ability involving traits and social skills that facilitate interpersonal behavior.  The four main components of EI are : Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Social Awareness, Relationship Management.

Our emotional level, thus is the manifested frequency level of everything and anything that is real (perceivable) to us in our world and actual life’s experiences.

Have you wondered as to Why are these negative emotions triggered?

1. Change  results in discomfort and stress – a lot of us expect life to be easy and when challenges and hurdles come along, it overwhelms us and may cause negative reactions.

2. Human Being rather than Human Doing – we forget many times that what really matters in each of our lives is what we are, what we build and what we share.  Living life with a passion and being your true self is the most important.

3. Relationships – many times we tend to chase people though they may have shown no interest in building and maintaining relationships. In our busy lives we ever so often forget to make time for those who matter the most.  We allow our pride and ego to be the mainstay of relationships and taking those, who have been with us through thick and thin,  for granted.  This leads to disappointments and triggers a lot of negative emotions.

4. Allowing our mind to control us – life is not perfect and sometimes we allow a bad moment, or a bad day to take control of our state of mind and the reactions to other unrelated events of the day.

5. Help – not asking for help when you need it desperately.  Each of us need help and cannot survive in isolation.

6. Know when to walk away and when not to give up – many times we hold onto things without asking ourselves the utility value in the same.

7. Surrounding ourselves with people who make us unhappy and drain our energy out – ignore those who hassle you, stalk you, embarrass you and step beyond the boundaries of decent behavior on social media and in real life.

8. Not being accountable & responsible – not walking the talk which leads to distrust and guilt. We loose our identity by not learning to say,  ‘No’ resulting in over committing and under delivery.

9. Not taking a break– many of us get into the rigmarole of  doing too much without pausing. In that we live without enjoying the simple pleasures that life has to offer. We are stressed out, irritable and a vicious circle ensues.

10. Focusing on past – allowing our past to continue to dominate us to such an extent that we become victims of it.  We focus on the negatives, loosing ourselves in the problem.  More often than not,  we repeatedly point to our unhappy circumstances to rationalize our negative feelings. This is the easy way out. It takes, after all, very little effort to feel victimized.   But the negative thinking and behavior hurts only one person the most and that is “You”.

So how do we deal with our Emotions especially those that trigger a negative response.

Adaptability is all about recovering from the anxiety  & adversity that change initially brings & then having the flexibility to move ahead vigorously.

I find that one way to practice this idea is to write or think about a good experience. Not only does this remind me that there’s life beyond bad feelings, but it also serves as an emotional anchor.   I find my memory can become a positive emotional reference point, to remind me of the range of possibilities when I am at my worst feeling down and out.

Refer my post on Twelve Ways to Inspire Yourself When You Are Feeling Down and Out

The role emotions play in shaping thinking accounts for a large part of why we see a failure of good thinking in most leaders.  You are free to choose behaviors that are truly in your own best interests.

We all have so much to give. We just need to consciously choose to access and share it.  When we give good vibes, good thoughts,  and a smile, we generally get it back.  Recognizing emotions is the basis of self-knowledge and interaction. An emotion comes up to the conscious level when we are ready to manage it.  I like to think emotions as colors, some simple, and yet others are blends.

Emotional memory management enables us to manage our emotions in a way that will produce more positive outcomes.  It is the “habits of mind” that reveal intellectual character.  Please watch my video on “Emotional Blindspots‘.

The 3 core development steps for all Leaders are:  Knowing Yourself, Choosing Yourself and Giving Yourself.  What do you think ?

10 Things to Learn from Japan

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A lot more than 10 things to learn from Japan and her people. But these 10 things stands out and we indeed need to learn these awesome qualities that the world witnessed during one of the toughest times that Japan and her people went through.

I bow down to you, the people in Japan and pray for you.

1. THE CALM

Not a single visual of chest-beating or wild grief. Sorrow itself has been elevated.

2. THE DIGNITY
Disciplined queues for water and groceries. Not a rough word or a crude gesture.

3. THE ABILITY
Case in point being The incredible architecture – Buildings swayed but didn’t fall.

4. THE GRACE
People bought only what they required for the present, so everybody could get something. There were no signs of hoarding.

5. THE ORDER
No looting in shops. No honking and no overtaking on the roads. Just empathy.

6. THE SACRIFICE
Fifty workers stayed back to pump sea water in the N-reactors. How will they ever be repaid?

7. THE TENDERNESS
Restaurants cut prices. An unguarded ATM is left alone. The strong cared for the weak.

8. THE TRAINING

The old and the children, everyone knew exactly what to do and they translated that into action.

9. THE MEDIA

They showed magnificent restraint in the bulletins. No silly reporters. Only calm reportage.

10. THE CONSCIENCE
When the power went off in a store, people put things back on the shelves and left quietly