Little Things That Matter

Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

The Power of Questions : 5 Secrets To Leading A Meaningful Life

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I was standing at the immigration queue last Friday, in Singapore, to catch a flight back home.

I was exhausted, yet couldn’t miss hearing a little girl of age may be 4-5 years old persistently asking her mom, mommy where is Daddy? So mommy answers her but she is still not quite satisfied with mommy’s answer. She changes tact and asks her mom, what are you holding in your hand ? So her mom replies to her saying passports. So she asks, is mine with you ? She gets a response from her patient mom. Then she asks her mom, you are holding 3, one is mine, other is yours, whose is the third one ? So her mom says, darling that is your dad’s passport.

She then in her sweet little voice loudly and clearly calls out to her dad, daddy do you want your passport? If yes, you better come here with us. Lo and behold she managed to get her dad with her.

What stood out for me was the way this little girl got to her end goal and she did all of that by asking questions of her mom.

Children are persistent with questions and they do get answers to their never ending questions.

I was amazed at how this little girl by asking 5-6 questions got the information out and laid her path to solve her jigsaw puzzle. In the end she achieved her end goal of getting her dad to stand in the same queue as her.

Asking relevant Questions is a powerful tool. The right questions inspire creativity, insights, drive connection and engagement and get desired results and breakthroughs.

By asking different type of questions, depending on the information you seek to get, (Open, fact based, probing, coping, what if ), you get bits of information and build on this to arrive at the final destination.

Wondering why I said constructive and right. Imagine if you lost the biggest deal of the decade. First thing you would probably ask yourself is what is wrong with me? What did I screw up? These kind of questions sets a negative tone to your thoughts and action. Instead, a relevant question would be What can I do to make sure I increase my chances of winning the deal ? What did I do well? What could I improve on ?

Questions are good for persuasion and convincing somebody, for enquiry, for building rapport and relationship, for being a good conversationalist. Listening is of utmost importance in the latter two instances.

Reflection begins with asking empowering questions of oneself.

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Self-awareness is critical to your success.

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How do we use the power of questions to reflect on our own lives and move forward ?

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1. What is your tennis ball?

This question, is from a spectacular commencement speech given by Drew Houston, the CEO of Dropbox, for MIT’s 147th Commencement held June 7, 2013.

To quote Houston, “I was going to say work on what you love, but that’s not really it. It’s so easy to convince yourself that you love what you’re doing — who wants to admit that they don’t? When I think about it, the happiest and most successful people I know don’t just love what they do, they’re obsessed with solving an important problem, something that matters to them. They remind me of a dog chasing a tennis ball: their eyes go a little crazy, the leash snaps and they go bounding off, plowing through whatever gets in the way. I have some other friends who also work hard and get paid well in their jobs, but they complain as if they were shackled to a desk.”

“So after today, it’s not about pushing yourself; it’s about finding your tennis ball, the thing that pulls you. It might take a while, but until you find it, keep listening for that little voice.”

It is about figuring out what you enjoy doing the most, what kind of activity makes you come alive, what do you feel most enthused about. Once you’ve figured out what brings out the best in you, you have to figure out how are you going to incorporate that into your day-to-day life?

2. What are your superpowers?

This is to determine your strengths, traits and altitudes. These are unique to you and this is what enables you to overcome challenges and deal effortlessly with any situation that life throws at you. Your strengths is something you determine by self-awareness and by a conversation with a Coach.

3. What are you grateful for?

Do you take things that you have and the people who stand by you for granted? Gratitude reminds us to be positive and help us move forward. It is easy to complain, criticize and condemn. To be thankful for a positive experience and from a negative experience is fulfilling and helps us let go.

4. What legacy do you wish to leave behind?

If you answered oh, what difference can I make, I’m a drop in the Ocean. Think again. If you believe that you can make a difference and do and be that person who can make a difference, you will be able to. Another way of thinking about the same question is to ask yourself, Looking back on your career and life, 15 or 30 years from now, what will you be proud of what you’ve accomplished? This is a great forward moving statement that can help you put things in perspective

5 . What am I doing now?

This helps you to think about what you are committed to right now and ask yourself if that ties in with your dream, your purpose and passion. In answering what you are doing now, you convert an intention to action. It is great to dream an intention to get somewhere is useless without an action.

These are some questions which you can ask yourself on the path of self-reflection and send-awareness. By questioning you encourage divergent thinking, tap into creativity and you set yourself on a motivating path.

What would asking the right question make possible for you in your life ?

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Where’s The Respect, Courtesy and Professionalism Gone?

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Excuse me, may I get something from my locker. I will be real quick. That was the voice I heard behind me at the ladies changing room at the gym today. That was music to my ears. I immediately moved, smiled and acknowledged the grace and sweetness with which this lady had spoken. I thanked her for her courtesy. Hearing my comment another lady from the far end remarked, OMG, you are so right. One rarely gets to hear a true form of apology or gratitude or excuse me these days. On her way out she apologized to me saying, I couldn’t help making that remark. I smiled and told her that she made a valid observation and there was no need to be apologetic and I thanked her for her support.

While it takes only a few words to make someone’s day, words poorly chosen have the inordinate power to start an argument, spoil someone’s day, destroy relationships, lead to arguments, and cause embarrassment. 

Three simple words “Sorry”, “Thank you”, “Please” have the immense potential to empower your communication, build rapport and enhance relationships when used with the proper tone and intention.

I say proper tone and intention because I have been at the receiving end of “sorry” with absolutely no apology intended. A week back, I suddenly get a jolt in my elbow and before I could even recover from my excruciating pain, this man says sorry and again rudely steps his shoes over my feet and my toe nail comes off. He doesn’t bother saying sorry and he marches off pretending to be unaware of what he had done. I come across similar types of behavior in the elevators of building, at offices and also at the gym. I take the example of the gym many times because to me a gym is where you go to work out, get healthy and in turn build your endurance. That means over time you should adopt the right attitude no matter the tearing hurry you may be in. If you cannot be courteous and ride over your challenges at the gym, what is the point in going for a workout?

Isn’t life similar to the gym? Because life is presenting you with some unnerving moments doesn’t mean you have the right to stomp over somebody else with your attitude and actions.

Yet in today’s so-called well-connected digital and fast paced world that we live in, we care more about speed with which we achieve results instead of the quality. Yes… We are dealing with multi tasks and juggling with many issues at the same time. We are hard pressed for time, yet by no means does that give us the right to behave aggressively or arrogantly to one another. Just because we sit behind computers trying to build rapport and relationships, it doesn’t mean we throw etiquette, courtesy and respect out of the window.

When did any of us stop appreciating courtesy or an apology? If the answer is never, why has “I’m sorry” changed to “I’m sorry but” or I appreciate what you are saying morphed into “I appreciate what you are saying, however “

Why have we become so stingy in being appreciative of something that somebody has done or acknowledging somebody’s email?

I find it appalling when people write so many blogs on leadership and yet when you interact with some of them, they seem to be lacking the courtesy to acknowledge or be thankful.

Communication is complete only if the words are expressed in a tone and manner that is congruent to what the words mean. Silent gratitude and apologies are no good.

Words are an important part of our communication but when there is in-congruency between the words, body language and tone, we pay more attention to the non verbal. Research by Albert Mehrabian has indicated that in cases where we are incongruent, we give

7% of meaning in the words that are spoken.
38% of meaning is paralinguistic (the tone).
55% of meaning is in facial expression.

In the world of chats, IM, hangouts and every other form of digital media which we live in, we forget to frame our thoughts and words. We don’t take time to acknowledge emails, messages, tweets, chats and we say things without recognizing the impact of our words or cryptic one word responses.

Would you shrink in your status or size if you said a genuine sorry or please or Thank you.

Would you downgrade yourself if you acknowledged somebody?

Would you belittle yourself if you showed gratitude or appreciated someone for a job well done? Click To Tweet

Effective communication starts with your feelings, your thoughts and the attitude you take to every situation. Click To Tweet. It is these thoughts that translates into words, body language and tone in your voice. Are they congruent? Are they effective?

Are you leading by example in the way you communicate? Click To Tweet

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

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The Zestful Way To Live An Intentional Life

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When I’m delivering training or coaching one of my goals is to enable the participants to make the shifts that they see is necessary and to facilitate insights and breakthroughs that they want to have. A breakthrough or an insight which will help them lead an intentional life. Recently, one of the participants asked me, “what do you mean by “leading an intentional life”? As soon as this participant asked me this question, I was reminded of something that I had learnt from one of my yoga instructors.

One of my yoga instructors at the beginning of every class asks us to set an intention and through the class she asks us to remind ourselves of this intention that we set. I could not relate to this couple of years back until one day, I decided to set an intention- an intention to smile no matter the challenge I face during the one hour. The change in my focus and the lightness that I felt in my mind, mid-way during the session, was phenomenal.

Our minds wander with several thoughts during the day and this tends to intensify when we are faced with adversities or challenges. Setting an intention which will help our mind to focus on in an hour of yoga is not as easy as it sounds, yet it helps to steer the wandering mind to get back on track. Some days is easier than other days and it is a matter of training the mind to let go of wandering thoughts.

Setting an intention to Life and her moments is no different from that of one hour in yoga or at the gym. In fact it is part and parcel of our life.

“When we cling to thoughts and memories, we are clinging to what cannot be grasped. When we touch these phantoms and let them go, we may discover a space, a break in the chatter, a glimpse of open sky. This is our birthright—the wisdom with which we were born, the vast unfolding display of primordial richness, primordial openness, primordial wisdom itself. When one thought has ended and another has not yet begun, we can rest in that space.” – Pema Chodron

Many of us go through our days and lives by going through the motions, doing things at work and home without much forethought. Compare this with living an intentional life, where you keep your focus on the purpose of doing something – everything you do is done with a conscious intent and based on your core values.

If you think about it, we do everything with an ultimate goal. To reach that goal, not everything may be enjoyable but needs to be done to get there. In some of these moments we go about the task possibly on auto pilot. For example, if I am having guests over for dinner, as much I may not enjoy cleaning the dishes I need to get it done so that my kitchen is clean. Take another instance, in order to market my business and what I do, I need to go for networking events though all of them may not be enjoyable and inspiring.

Intent is always there but sometimes we forget and go through the motions in such a way that it feels like a chore.

How can you live your life intentionally despite the uncertainty and unpredictability that life offers?

Start by asking questions of yourself,

1. What beliefs of mine are holding me back ? What are the alternate ways of thinking, if any ? Can I get some other perspectives ? How can I encourage myself to have more green light thinking and overcome my inner fears and doubts?

2. How did I overcome my last challenge? When have I felt competent or successful? Think about this through different stages in your life. Make an inventory by keeping a journal. When did I feel most vibrant, energized and alive? How can I connect back to those moments in the present ?

3. What can I do that is within my control? Manage your own behavior and actions because that is the only thing that is within each of our control.

4. What does my ideal world look like? What is that I need to do to get closer to that dream? Start with what an ideal day looks like and keep adding to your list of success. Reward yourself with wins no matter how small or big they are. Learn to be gratuitous in life because that changes your attitude to life and helps to bring in more positivity.

5. How do I want to be perceived? What matters? What can I let go of? Are my behaviors and actions in sync with my values?

Living with intention is to finally connect with your authentic self, where your batteries are recharged and you feel lighter in your mind and everything you do feels good no matter how difficult or challenged it may be. Click To Tweet

Living an intentional life leads to a more purposeful and effective approach to life – a life where you can seek to create greater impact and satisfaction in whoever you are and whatever you do. Click To Tweet

How are you creating an intentional life for yourself?

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

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The Secret To Self-Confidence

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He is a charming person but when you meet him for the first time and several times thereafter, what you see is that his body language is one of indifference, his facial expressions is one of dis-interest and he rarely looks you in the eye whilst conversing with you. He has a sarcastic comment on almost everything mentioned by somebody else. How do you see the charm in such a person?

His name is David and I was assigned to him as his coach. I had a chemistry meeting with him and he chose me as his coach. I felt uncomfortable with My chemistry meeting with him, yet decided to accept the assignment because something in me told me that what we see in David may not be his real self. David had self-confidence issues. He was one of the seniors in his office but had missed the role of heading up the business twice because of the way people perceived him and the way he came across in his body language and tone of voice.

Self-confidence is something most of us can enhance in many areas. We may be self-confident in the way we communicate in our office amongst our colleagues, in front of clients and at home but may be lacking the self-confidence, if we have to address a crowd of 200 people extempore. David’s issue with self-confidence was one of not trusting himself and falling victim to his fears and doubts. His current boss saw the potential in David and assigned him a coach.

What contributes to your self-confidence?

Self Confidence is about self-awareness and self-respect. Your self-awareness and self-respect contributes to your self-talk.

1. Self-Awareness – this is the conscious awareness of your own character, your strengths, your traits, and your skills. What is your identity ? It comes from our ability to accept ourselves while focusing on our positive side. This is how our self-confidence is positively influenced. It is easy to give power to our negative thoughts and weakness, however they do more damage than good. It is about identifying who you are and no matter what the situation what are you capable of ?

2. Self-Respect – how do you look at yourself with dignity and respect in your down and out moments ? Make an inventory of your achievements, the way you overcame the last challenging moment in your life and about every aspect in your life that makes you who you are. It is about trusting yourself and going with your instinct and looking back at every learning you had in your adverse moments and how you reached your goal.

3. Self-Talk – self-awareness + self-respect = self-talk. Self-talk is positive, backed by the evidence from self-awareness and self-respect.

Let your self-talk be one where you can make continuous improvements in your growth areas and where you encourage yourself to get to where you want to go. Click To Tweet

It is not about giving in to your fears and doubts and having them empower you but in finding your strength in every mode of life to do what you want to do and in all that be who you are or want to be.

David had self-confidence issues and he tried to mask that by his indifference and tone. Without his realization, his mask had become his biggest inhibitor to success.

Self-confidence is not about being arrogant or aggressive. It is about enabling yourself to be your best with humility. Click To Tweet

How are you enhancing your self-confidence?

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

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Smile and the World Smiles With You

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Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

I was conducting a group coaching session few weeks back and one of the participants didn’t smile throughout the first day. Every time I looked at this participant and engaged with her, the smile was missing, no matter what the discussion or activity was. The participant got the benefit of the group coaching and this was evident from her feedback and by her behavior towards the end of the session on day 3.

Smile was something she never associated with the business world. She lived so much in achieving her goal and when she was in that frame of mind, she forgot to smile. She forgot that smiling made her look natural and less stressed when she was communicating and engaging in the business world.

Have you observed that in the Doctor’s waiting room there is rarely a smile visible. Two years back, I was waiting at the Doctor’s clinic, for an X-ray, since I had a bad fall and a suspected fracture. There was no one in the waiting room for the Radiologist, so when he came up to me and asked me who was the patient, I was taken aback. I told him that I am the patient who is waiting to get an X-ray done on my ankle. He couldn’t believe it and the reason he stated was because I was smiling!

Yes, hospitals and doctors’ clinic waiting room are typically bereft of a smile. There is an atmosphere of glum and this fuels the negativity that exists in that moment in our own minds.

Smiling when one is undergoing a challenge, adversity or pain is difficult but not impossible.

Have you noticed how babies win the heart of others by their wonderful and spontaneous smile ?

Dogs are a hit with dog lovers. They are so glad to see you and there is no one who welcomes you the way your dog does. They are so glad to see their human friends that they jump out of their skins and aren’t we glad to see them.

Smile is something we often take for granted. Yet there is magic about a genuine smile.

Why Smile? Smile because

1. It’s worth it.
2. It brings a smile on someone else’s face and makes their day.
3. It makes you happy as much as you make up your mind to be.
4. It eases the challenge and adversity in that moment and sends positive signals to your brain.
5. It minimizes the stress and overwhelm in that moment, thus giving you insights.  Click To Tweet
6. It brings out the humility and humanity in you.
7. It helps you create the right attitude to that moment.
8. It opens the door to new connections and relationships.
9. A spontaneous smile happens in a flash and the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.
10. Nobody needs a smile so much as those who have none left to give in that moment. Click To Tweet

You are your brand and why not be a messenger of good will with your smile. Click To Tweet

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

Accept The Change, Love Thy Self

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I was in a conversation with a friend of mine over the weekend and she suddenly remarked, I have become slow in whatever I am and in whatever I do. To quote “I feel I have become lethargic about a lot of things in my life. I feel I have lost my edge”. That statement caught my attention especially given her tone and facial expressions with which she said it. As soon as I heard her say that, I asked her how so?

The conversation went on for long as she was narrating several incidents in her life and how she had behaved. From her statements and the questions I asked her, I observed that she had become more mindful and conscious in a lot of things that she does. She thus feels frustrated at times that she is no longer the energetic and enthusiastic self that she was known for.

It was interesting that she made a strange connection between being mindful and being lethargic and thus dissociating herself with her energetic and enthusiastic younger self.

Are you disappointed with a conscious change you have made in life?

Have you reflected what these changes are and why you made those changes?

Do you consider yourself as a failure and somebody who has given up in life on account of some changes in your perspectives?

You are not a FAILURE if:

1. You are more conscious and aware in what you do instead of acting on impulse.

2. You think twice and don’t react to your emotions be it in responding to others verbally or in writing.

3. You have consciously slowed down in terms of how you plan your day instead of feeling constantly being on the rat race.

4. You are aware about your emotions and this awareness helps you to recognize your emotions and yet frame your communication in a way that it lands properly on the recipient.

5. You realize that when things don’t go as per your plan, it is not about you or the other person but it is about finding out what were the gap or interferences were that led to the plan not being met.

6. You realize that in your gym or yoga or exercise regime, each day is different and your body is different. Change is part of your body and each day is different and thus you need to keep an open mind.

7. You like action and fast pace but there are things in life you realize you need to step back. Accepting the latter doesn’t mean you have given up.

8. The circumstances in every aspect of your life is different from 15, 10, 5 or 1 year back and you need to change your way of thinking and the way you behave.

9. You are goal oriented and an achiever but your experiences have taught you that anger doesn’t help when the goal is not achieved as per your plans.

10. You take mini breaks to gain insights and help your lateral thinking.

You are not old if you have adapted to circumstances and made yourself more flexible in your attitude. We all need to evolve in our thinking and our behavior. Only way to do this is to keep an open mind, reflect, unlearn, relearn and look at things with a fresh perspective.

Don’t let your inner critique get the better of you. Avoid negativity.  Click To Tweet

Be Ambitious and Persistent But Do Only What You Can Do.    Click To Tweet

How flexible are you in making changes and accepting the new you?

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

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Disempower FEAR and Empower Your Progress

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She has won triathlons, trekked the Gobi desert, has done bungee jumping and sky diving despite being scared of heights. She has been a juvenile diabetic for over 30 years and she has faced this lifelong companion and the challenges associated with being a diabetic exceptionally well. She has faced many other hurdles in life with hope and optimism.

Today she is faced with a fear of her ability to own the space, to exude confidence and credibility in some situations. Her gravitas is weak when she has to face the board of directors of her company. Her name is Elisa.

Why is the otherwise confident and fearless Elisa having issues with her gravitas? Elisa (name changed), who hired me as her coach to assist her in upgrading an aspect of her Executive Presence, was allowing her thinking and her self-judgment to dominate her.

She had made her underlying beliefs and fears about the situation so strong that they were disempowering her.

The emotion of fear is a vital response to physical and emotional danger—if our brains didn’t warn us about the dangers and alert us and we didn’t feel fear, we couldn’t protect ourselves from legitimate threats. But often we fear situations that are not life-or-death situations and we disempower ourselves by allowing our inner thoughts and feelings to dominate and prevent us from taking the appropriate action.

What fears are you allowing to dominate to an extent of constraining your progress?
How do you overcome your fears ?

1. Befriend Fear – one of the first steps is to acknowledge your fears. Courage comes only when you recognize and feel your fears. Own your feelings and ask yourself what is the fear ? Naming the fear helps to bring it to the surface. What are the causes of the fear? What is the source of this fear? What are the possible solutions ? What is the best workable solution ? Whose help or support do you need to work on the solution ?

Conquering fear cannot happen by running away from it or engaging in an outrageous courageous activity on impulse.

2. Don’t over-think – I’m reminded of a quote by Pema Chodron

“The essence of Bravery is being without self-deception. However it’s not so easy to take a straight look at what we do. Seeing ourselves clearly is initially uncomfortable and embarrassing. As we train in clarity and steadfastness, we see things we’d prefer to deny – judgementalness, pettiness, arrogance. These are not sins but temporary and workable habits of mind. The more we get to know them, the more they lose their power. This is how we come to trust that our basic nature is utterly simple, free of struggle between good and bad.

A warrior begins to take responsibility for the direction of her life. It’s as if we are lugging around unnecessary baggage. Our training encourages us to open the bags and look closely at what we are carrying. In doing this we begin to understand that much of it isn’t needed anymore.”

Take responsibility, trust your instincts and believe in yourself and don’t allow the negative thoughts to dominate you. Click To Tweet

3. Don’t overshadow and feel embarrassed – feel the fear, share it, reflect and don’t feel embarrassed and shut your feelings. Learn to take baby steps to recognize the feelings and thoughts that stand against you. Ask yourself some of these questions.

What do you do in uncertain situations?
How do you handle failures?
When you have the negative thoughts, and fear takes over you what happens then?
What is your desired outcome you would like to have in overcoming fear?

4. Forget the naysayers – don’t keep company of people who feed into your negative thoughts. Believe in yourself and think of the desired outcome you would like to achieve. How passionate and committed are you in achieving this goal? Surround yourself with people who encourage and challenge you but not those who are like thorns in your path.

5. Check your ego– Even if you are not a loud and egoistic person, there are times your ego creates fear. This may be from fear of failure, fear of losing, fear of the unknown, fear of humiliation, fear from your own untested beliefs, fear of losing your status or an imagined identity, fear of exploring the uncertain path and the undesired results.

Life is not a certain path. Our brain is a prediction machine but if you allow yourself to be prepared for uncertainty and train yourself to handle uncertainties, the neural pathways of your brain can be changed. By facing uncertainties and allowing yourself to disempower negative thoughts, you build character and grow stronger.

Elisa had without her awareness become a victim of giving in to her sabotage thoughts and talk. Her conversations with me gave her insights and helped her achieve the necessary shift she was looking for in terms of her gravitas.

Intentions to do, be or achieve something is great but you alone can take responsibility to change that intention to action.

Don’t be your worst enemy and let your constant inner fears and doubts sabotage your growth and development.

The choice of taking the right decision rests with You. Click To Tweet

Persevere and build the momentum to achieve your desired goals.Click To Tweet

Are you self-sabotaging your progress?

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

How To Have A POSITIVE ATTITUDE

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The Gym TRX class starts at 11am on Sunday and two people walk in at 11:15 and their body language was such that they didn’t even look apologetic for being late. Despite being told that they are late and they can’t enter the class, they stomp in, ignoring the instructor’s request.

Eric who has just taken over as the Asia-Pacific sales head for his company, tells the new intern in his team that he has to get Eric’s breakfast sharp at 8 am daily.

If I can’t get that, you can’t get that too! This was Sylvia’s inner thought that was dictating the attitude that she was showing her friend who was looking bewildered.

It has been said that people don’t care how much we know until they know how much we care. Click To Tweet. This indicates the importance of demonstrating a respectful and caring attitude. Be it in sales or in any role, your credibility can be established by how much you know and your accomplishments but what finally allows your reputation to be built is having the right attitude. Click To Tweet

⇒How does bad attitude look and sound ? 

Learnings In The Journey Of Life

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LifeI reflect quite often. However, this weekend I got into a deeper reflection mainly due to behaviors of some people. I got into this mode of “I must be doing something wrong” thinking. This is the inner critique taking over and I didn’t want that dominating me. When I started to reflect, write and self-coach myself, I started seeing things differently.

Reflection helps me to let go, learn something new, get different perspectives and insights and handle certain situations differently. Over the years I have learned the following

1. Have the courage to be yourself. Reflect, learn, unlearn, improve and never lose your values. Click To Tweet

2. You can’t please everyone. You will meet people in life who will always be toxic and never appreciate your strengths or your authenticity. Click To Tweet

3. You are unique in who you are. Your experience with each of your relationships and situations is unique.

4. You don’t get what you want in many turns of your life, though you may have given your best. Trying to find an explanation or a reason only makes matters worse. Stop overthinking.

5. You are not your rejections or your failures. You have to believe in your positive potential and your ability. Click To Tweet

6. As hard as it may be, it is best to let go of some relationships. Click To Tweet

7. Be authentic but let your authenticity not fall in a way that you are misunderstood. Framing the way you communicate your authenticity is imperative. Click To Tweet

8. Know when to speak up, when to be silent and know when to walk away. There is a time and place for everything and your best guide is your intuition.

9. Change is constant and people change. Don’t blame yourself when people start behaving differently.

10. You have to be street smart and be part of the change. Initiate change, be the change but never lose your values or your integrity. Click To Tweet

11. Apologize even if you are not wrong because you can walk away with a clean conscience.

12. Let yourself be lead from within and your intuition and not by your falsified ego. Click To Tweet

13. Value yourself and never compromise your values. Never allow yourself to be trampled by someone else. Speak your mind but always be respectful to others.

14. In trying to impress and cultivate your new relationships don’t forget about people who have stood by you through your tough times.

15. Smile. Smiling when you are going through a tough time is the most difficult but from personal experience I can say it makes a huge difference to that moment. You have to consciously tell yourself to smile in that vulnerable moment.

16. Being strong may feel tiring many times but the world is with you through your smiles and not your tears. Learn to cultivate resilience because that helps you to bounce back and approach life with a positive mindset. Click To Tweet

17. Focus on improving your strengths and don’t overemphasize your limitations.

18. Think before you speak, question yourself before you act. Pause is better than impulse. Click To Tweet

19. Don’t forget to be kind to yourself and others.

20. It is never too late to improve and change for the better.

21. Living in the moment is difficult but find ways to do it. You get insights when you accept the circumstance that you may be in. Anger worsens the situations and increases your frustration.

22. Share your emotions and how you feel but with people who will honor you for who you are and will listen with empathy.

23. Maturity is a lot to do with what lessons your experiences have taught you and how you show up in different challenges that life throws at you.

24. No matter how good you are there will always be people who hurt you. Take it as a lesson and let go of the hurt.

25. No one has lived your life or walked your road. So don’t worry about the naysayers and those who are judgmental.

Various actions, reactions and behaviors upset me but whenever I’m in that space of feeling hurt and upset, I remind myself that I can choose how I react. I ask myself how is this feeling of hurt impacting me and as a result, how I might not be showing up fully to various moments in life.

Choice of our behavior and actions is well within our control and let us always choose what is best to reflect our character. Click To Tweet

In the end, what matters is loving your life. Find the joy in trusting your intuition, cherishing your happy and sad memories, learning through the challenges that seemed indomitable at that moment in time and allowing yourself to make the choices in the chances you take. Learn to trust your instincts and stop doubting yourself every step of your way.Click To Tweet. 

Life is a continuous learning journey and there is no right or predetermined answers. Click To Tweet

What have you learnt over the years?

What reflections can you share so that others may use it in their path of learning and development?

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect. 

 

Turning Whiners To Contributors

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It was 2pm and I was on my way to a client meeting at 2:30 pm. I felt like having a coffee and decided to stop at the Starbucks on my way to the client’s office. As I entered the Starbucks, I noticed that the queue was rather long and seemed to be not moving. I was debating if I should continue to stand and decided to give it five minutes before I decide to walk out. I heard several murmurs in the queue and complaints about the Starbucks barista’s being too slow.

I started getting impatient and though I realized that not every barista could be the same, my gut told me that there is more to it than meets the eye. I decided to find out what was going on. I requested the man standing behind me to accommodate me when I get back, stating the reason to him as to why I was leaving the queue.

I moved to the front of the queue and realized that a customer was creating a situation and the barista was having a tough time trying to manage this customer. I looked at my watch and realized I had no more than 10 minutes to spare, in order to be at my client’s office on time. And by then, I was determined to have my coffee. I asked for the manager and requested that the manager take care of the situation and have the barista attend to the other customers. I was able to get my coffee within 7 minutes and leave Starbucks to be on time for my clients meeting.

How often do we face similar situations in life and at work where we have to deal with whiners and complainers? The negativity that arises from such situations increases the annoyance factor and doesn’t help anyone solve the issue.

Complaining is a vain way of expressing something without gaining relief. Click To Tweet

Not every complaint may be of importance and more often than not it is whining. Complaining is a stressful thing to do and listen to. As a leader, how do you turn whiners into contributors and avoid the negativity from spiraling? Click To Tweet

Be concerned about genuine complaints or concerns but create an environment to turn the moaners to a friendlier and productive lot.

1. Environment – create an environment which promotes creativity and for your team to use their talent to the fullest. You can create a culture where people connect, share ideas, and improve relationships. Leadership is engagement. In Leadership Mastery, first released in 2000 by Dale Carnegie & Associates, the “secret sauce” is to challenge yourself and others to greatness. Inspiration and motivation are the key ingredients. A challenging environment where each team member feels that their creativity is being used and is being appreciated for their contribution creates an atmosphere of low tolerance level for whiners.

2. Values – how can you as an individual align your values to your firm’s values? Again as a leader, how can you allow the values of your team to be in sync with the company’s vision and their behaviors? An environment that creates a dissonance between the individual values and that of the company’s values promotes dissatisfaction.

3. Accountability – holds each of your team members accountable and secure their confidence. Once you build a culture and live by the value of expecting solutions, you raise the bar and shift the accountability back to each person including the whiners. You help them become a contributor by challenging them to think of solutions and they take responsibility in achieving success despite the odds.

4. Commitment and Positive Attitude – Expecting solutions increases creativity and builds confidence in each of your team members to come up with a solution that works and is acceptable to everyone. You facilitate your team to unleash their power of not to give up and get their commitment to arrive at workable possibilities. This creates a positive attitude and one that is inspiring and motivating.

5. Reward and feedback – you as a leader should not take the importance of giving positive feedback for granted. People whine because they just feel they are underutilized or have not contributed to the idea that they have been told to work on. When people are made to feel like a cog in the wheel, lack of commitment ensues. Praise every improvement every step of the way. You can show them you care for their effort in making a difference to the company’s vision.

Change starts with me and with each of us. It is easy to complain and whine but ask yourself what can you do to make a difference? Click To Tweet

Can you be the solution or provide a solution to the cause of the problem? If you have the time to whine and complain, you can make the time to do something about it. Click To Tweet

The most important team player can be a person who has transitioned from a whiner to a contributor.

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

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