Little Things That Matter

Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

Five Key Questions To Inspire And Lead

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“I am not motivated by the others in the room. The skill level of most other participants are not that good and clearly I and two others are the only contributors. You should encourage participants at the same skill level to be on such workshops”

This was the remark made by one of the participants at a workshop that I was conducting recently in Singapore.

When this participant expressed her opinion, another participant remarked that “as a junior she gets an opportunity to learn and thus people with different skills and experience should continue to be encouraged”.

I heard both their points of view and mentioned to the woman who believed that she should be with people at her skill level or higher that her organization and Human Resources determine who participates.

Whilst I empathized with her and understood her frustration, I challenged her to think from a different perspective. I asked her if she believed herself to be a leader to which she answered well I’m leading a team.

#Leadership is about how you #connect, #communicate and #collaborate with the people around you.

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 Do you think you’ll be inspired by yourself? She was taken aback at my question.

We meet people from different backgrounds, different skill sets, different experience on a day-to-day basis.

How can you be inspiring and shine your light?

1. Do you self-reflect ?

Life is a roller coaster and no matter how much of an expert each of us may be in our own area of expertise, we still make mistakes.
Reflect on
* what went well,
* what can I do better and
* what can I let go?

#Learning happens from the good and bad experiences and from #mistakes or #failures. #leadbyexample

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2. What can I learn from others?

Even with years of experience there is always something to learn from others. On the face of it, some conversations and participating in a workshop with people less experienced may be frustrating. However, ask yourself what can I do in the current situation to make it interesting and challenging ?
How can I encourage others to participate? Can I share my experiences and get some different insights from others? What are they good at and how can I expand my knowledge in that area?

3. What is your “Why “?

Setting a conscious intention before any activity helps you to find a meaningful path to your desired goal. Finding or reminding yourself of your intention enables you to cross over the hurdles that you may face along the way. 

Your Why is the ultimate #goal and it has to be big enough to #motivate, #inspire and encourage you. #leadership

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How can you relate the day-to-day activities and who you are to your Why?

4. Where are your leadership locks?

Sometimes the stumbling blocks may be created from your thinking. Many times what locks you in is your perspective and your view of things.
At times what you think is the problem is not the problem. Your mindset may be the one that needs to be addressed.

5. Are you reactive or proactive?

Your attitude is what you have control of and it can mar or make your moment. It is good to be prepared and yet expect the unexpected and have the EI to adapt and be flexible in the way you communicate. As a leader choose to be proactive instead of reactive. And the only way this can be achieved is to have a mindset of let go and let your thoughts and emotions be in tandem.

I encouraged this participant to develop her leadership skills in such circumstances. May be this is where her learning can take place. As she moves up the seniority ladder, it is the leadership skills that she needs to hone on.

What can you do to inspire people?
Are you a victim of circumstances or do you choose to be a learner from your frustrations and challenges?

For Speaking, One on One Coaching, Training, Facilitation or workshops, let’s Connect

5 Key Questions To Lead By Example And Influence Others

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laliatraman.com

Lead By Example – lalitaraman.com

A colleague of mine was upset that he had not received any response to his email for over two days. He vented out and then remarked that any email should be responded within 24 hours. He is of the view that even if a person is not able to respond in detail, the least they could do is to acknowledge the email. I smiled at him and he looked at me in shock. Whilst I agree with him, I also wondered about his behavior and if he leads by example in acknowledging an email within the time frame he expects others to do so.

I have not seen a response from him for days or several months on important emails, despite reminders and most people dealing with him have a similar experience. To persuade and influence others, do you personify the qualities that you seek in others?

Clearly, in this case my colleague was expecting something of others which he was not following.

We have all worked with people either as bosses or as colleagues, with behaviors similar to  :

⇒ The manager who says strict cost controls are being introduced with immediate effect and you find that he is having exorbitant dinner party with clients.
⇒ The manager who introduces travel restrictions in terms of costs and yet he or she travels business class or first class for a journey of 4 hours or less.
⇒ The manager who promotes a clean desk policy despite his office and desk being in a mess.

All these people may be in a leadership position by way of the title given to them. However, are they truly inspiring? Do they lead by example in who they are and what they do?

What can you do to lead by example ? Here are five questions to guide you to be on track to influence and inspire others.

1. What standards you set for yourself ?

Your character is built on your integrity. No matter what situation you are in or the role you play, what do your actions and behaviors reflect? Are you being a judge on yourself or a lawyer?

Do you make excuses and find a way out in a conflict of interest situation or in a situation when you know you haven’t delivered up to the mark?

The best test of your Character is not how you are when you are on top but how you are when you are in an adverse situation and working your way back.

2. What standards do you set for others?

Do you expect others to adhere to high standards that you rarely follow? How do you react when someone points out that you don’t walk your talk?

You #leadbyexample when you set challenging #goals and standards for yourself and live by them. #leadership

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3. How do you react to your own mistakes and those of others?

Do you beat yourself up on mistakes that you make or

Are you willing to use the mistakes as a stepping stone to learn and get closer to your goal?

Do you adopt a lenient approach to your own mistakes and at the same time don’t give others a chance to learn from their mistakes?

Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct – Dale Carnegie

4. How do you influence others ?

Do you give orders or ask questions and engage in a conversation ? Do you take time to listen and inspire people to embrace change ? Do you acknowledge, appreciate and connect with others for who they are instead of what they can do for you ?

Are you willing to let go of control and trust in the potential of others ?

Every one likes to get praise and feedback for what they do. They want to be acknowledged and made to feel that “They Matter”. How best can you achieve this in your relationships ?

5. What is your purpose ?

Why do you do what you do? Are you committed to your word ? As a leader you need to articulate your vision in such a way that people are inspired to not only be motivated by your vision but also act to achieve that vision.

In each moment, you create an impression by your interaction, by your actions, by what you say, and who you are. #leadbyexample

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How are you going to make these moments impactful and lead by example?

For consulting, coaching, speaking, workshops and training, let’s connect.

The Virtue Of Gratitude

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I was conducting a 5 day workshop on Executive Presence recently and one of the participants started chatting with me during lunch on day 3. She was appreciative of the workshop and she felt she had not achieved what she had set for herself.

I was observing and listening to her and I was amazed at the dramatic change that this woman had displayed in a matter of 2.5 days. She had grown from someone who was shy, who had a fear of speaking in front of crowds, to someone who had found the courage to ask questions, be more articulate in her communication. Despite what I had observed, she had not noticed that in herself. She was frozen in her self- perspective

Instead of asking her, what she had set for herself, I asked her what are you thankful for? She was awestruck by my question……

 How many times have you heard yourself or others say?

→I don’t have enough time in the day to live my dreams.
→Life has been very unkind to me.
→Why Me?
→What is the point of waking up daily and doing the same thing?
→They are a difficult bunch to work with.
→I wish I could get more.
→I am tired of eating the same dish every second day.
→I have to work long hours……

While there is nothing wrong in venting out once in a while, if these become your daily slogan, day-in-day-out, it is time to stop and reflect.

Don’t allow your want of new things to forget the things you have and be thankful for it. #gratitude #humility #life

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Don’t allow your aspirations and expectations of yourself to improve, to cloud what you have achieved. #thankyou #gratitude

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Fill your life with gratitude because you and others deserve it.

Be Thankful for

1. What you have and what you have achieved.
2. The food you eat daily.
3. Waking up every morning and taking that breath into a new day.
4. Friends, family and all those who care for you in your life because without them, life is not worth living.
5. Difficult people in your life because they give you an opportunity to grow and develop
6. The challenges, because that makes you stronger
7. Not getting something because that makes you realize that you need to step out of your comfort zone and do something different.
8. The job that you have because there are many who are unemployed, and not by choice.
9. The love that is showered on you by people in your daily life.
10. Every little thing that life has given you because without any of that, you wouldn’t be where you are today.

#Life is much better lived with #gratitude because without that, you are constantly in a vicious cycle of negativity, cynicism and hurt.

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Gratitude turns
⇒enough into more
⇒denial into self-acceptance and hope
⇒ chaos into spark of light
⇒confusion into clarity

⇒And Negativity Into Positivity.

How are you going to fill your life with more Gratitude?
What are you doing to express gratitude and humility?

For one-one-one coaching, speaking, worships and training, let’s connect

Don’t Get Knocked Over By Your Inner Critic, Instead Knock Out Your Fear

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“There is no way I can do this.”
“You are confident and do it so well but I lack the confidence.”
“I will look like a fool if I participate in that forum on Leadership Perspectives.”
“I’m so not prepared for this new role.”
“I’m not going to fare well in this interview”

If the conversations you have with yourself matches any of the above and appears in the middle of an interview, presentation, discussion, you’ll probably not appear confident and relaxed. Often your consistent negative monologue can turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Your thoughts control your actions and behavior in terms of your body language, tone of voice and words. If your inner critique is always a negative monologue, it can cause harm and self-destruction.

Whilst your inner talk can help you be on the path of self- improvement and development, overly harsh and critical dialogue with yourself can do you no good.

If you are somebody who gets put down by your inner talk, here are five ways to tame it and use it for your development

1. Stop Over Thinking

Be aware of your thoughts. Are your thoughts stopping you from progressing ? Are you mulling over your thoughts repeatedly ? When something didn’t go well or when you make a mistake, you may be tempted to over analyze it. By going over your mistake over and over again will not help you.
A better perspective you can take is to determine what went well and what could you do better? If you get caught in your negativity, take a break, visualize yourself pressing ctrl+alt+del to throw away your negativity, go for a walk or be with nature.

2. When things go wrong or unplanned

Things can go pear-shaped and this happens to the best of us. Most of our instincts is to think, analyze and replay the events in our head over and over again. Whilst reflection is useful and helpful, repeatedly reminding yourself of all things that went wrong isn’t. Reflect on what went well, what could be done better and what lessons did you learn to get on a path of excellence.

3. Face your fear and look at the evidence

Whenever your inner critic knocks at your door and stops you from delivering what you are capable of, ask yourself what are you fearful of, how real is it, what is the worst that can happen, what are you willing to do to improve on the worst and how did you perform in a similar situation. Answers to these questions will enable you to overcome your fears created by your inner talk that you get overwhelmed by. Replace the extreme negative thoughts and statements with accurate statements of reality supported by evidence.

4. Would you treat your best friend the way you treat yourself

Would you discourage your friend if she faced a similar situation? Are you going to tell her that she cannot do anything and she is useless. If she came to you for advice or words of support and encouragement what would you tell her? Can you consider saying the same thing to yourself and be on the path to grow and excel?

5. Self-confidence

A great deal of self-confidence comes from self-acceptance, building an inventory of your strengths and accomplishments and self-improvement. Self-awareness is essential to be on the path to grow and excel. Learn to build on your strengths and work on your challenges.

There is immense power in your inner dialogue, make it empowering and one that fuels your success. #leadfromwithin

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The key is to not fall victim to extreme negativity.

I overcame my fear of public speaking by working on some of the points mentioned above. I conduct workshops, seminars, facilitate trainings and it is possible only because I chose to conquer my inner critic.

For consulting, training or one on one coaching, let’s connect.

Don’t Criticize, Condemn Or Complain

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Photo Credit : Lalita Raman

Photo Credit : Lalita Raman

I was delivering a workshop on Resolving Conflicts last week and while in conversation with one of the attendees, he mentioned about the frustrating experience, he had that morning, in arranging a brunch booking. He had a bad experience with most of the restaurants he called barring one.

He was most pleased with this particular Hotel because they treated him with care and that was evident in the way the lady who had answered his call spoke to him.

One of the Dale Carnegie Human Relation principles is Don’t Criticize, Condemn or Complain. When most people, I have met hear or read this, they laugh at it and say hey that is impossible in today’s world.

The impossibility comes from the attitude we take. Of course if something goes wrong, you cannot not criticise. What is important to remember is how the criticism or the complaint is delivered.

However, let’s take a step back. Why do we complain or criticize in the first place ? Your Attitude is one you have control on.

It is your attitude either as a receiver or as a sender in every message, written or verbal, that sets the tone of the conversation and the consequences of the choices that is made. Attitude is contagious and surely a positive attitude is one worth spreading. 

What are some of the desirable traits that we would like people to have? Aren’t these the same traits we should seek to have and strive to be on the path of excellence:

1. Be Self-aware

Your path to #grow, develop and excel starts with self-awareness. #leadfromwithin #peopleskills #leadership #selfawareness

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 You have to know who you are, what are your strengths, your challenges. Being self-aware, you are able to understand yourself, your values and how you appear in front of others.

2. Communicate with Clarity

We live in the world of communication. Our communication is affected when we are stressed, overwhelmed, or not appreciated because in such situations we aren’t able to organize our thoughts with clarity. Managing our emotions and not falling a victim to the negative vicious cycle helps us to communicate with clarity.

3. Be a Listener

Presence of mind is easily seen by a person’s body language and facial expression. 

#Listening with your body, mind and soul is the best #gift you can give your partner in any #communication.

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4. Be Generous

Almost every organization is offering some kind of service and the generosity in the care they show to you as a client speaks volumes about their attitude.

5. Keeping your word

You are forming an impression in the way you walk your talk and in the consistency you show in your actions.

Honor your word and your time. #leadfromwithin #discipline #leadbyexample #character #peopleskills

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 Be in control of time and do not allow time to control you.

If you cannot be these things yourself, it is difficult to expect of others. 

The key to finding your happiness is to be the things that you require and wish for in another. #relationships

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How can you break away from the habit to criticize, condemn or complain?

How can you deliver feedback that is developmental and the fault seem easy to correct ?

Top 10 Courtesies To Show Your Humanity

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On my way to work the other day, I saw a vehicle which had “Boston University” written in bold red color right next to the license plate. I wondered why they would have that sign displayed on the car. I couldn’t help think if it was a display of insecurity, high handed-ness or was it just being boastful and a display of titles.

Looking at this vehicle with the sign of “Boston University” displayed brought back memories of an incident while I was working with one of the organizations. A gentleman from one of our overseas office stands by my desk, throws his business card, taps my desk and says do you know who I am? I was irritated at the disrespect and lack of courtesy he showed. I turned around and remarked, sorry you are disturbing me and I don’t know who you are, would you care to introduce yourself? He again taps on his business card and says he is the head of sales…..

You don’t need a title to be a #leader. #leadership #leadfromwithin #peopleskills

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You don’t need a set of qualifications and titles next to your name to show who you are. In fact the more you display your titles, the more you are possibly conveying the wrong message to your audience.

What are the simple courtesies that you need to remember in order to relate to another person or influence the other person positively?

1. Say “thank you”, “please”, ‘you’re welcome”, “sorry”, “may I” …

These are simple words yet have a long-lasting impact when used with sincerity and genuineness. Use them often and mean it when you say it.

2. Acknowledge

Would you like to be ignored? If not, why would you not want to return phone calls or acknowledge emails from your colleagues or friends? If you think “you matter”, so do others. There is nothing worse than ignoring somebody with your silence by way of not returning phone calls or responding to emails.

3. Be Kind

Throwing a business card or exchanging business cards (as much as it may be a habit from so-called culture) is not the way to get to know someone or introduce yourself or to start a relationship. Life is short and it is not Tories or business cards that matter. Find ways to be kind in the way you strike, build or continue a relationship.

4. Committed To Your Word

Talking your talk is important and don’t forget that walking your talk is imperative. You may be a good marketer and have the gift of gab but finally your true colors will be known when you are not committed to your word. Your word is you and represents your brand.

5. Words of Encouragement

Empower yourself and others through your words of support and encouragement. Praise every improvement that you have observed in somebody and make them feel appreciated and important because they deserve it.

6. Silence

There is a time to be silent and a time to speak up. Know the appropriateness of the moment. Don’t throw your weight around with your titles and inappropriate actions and words.

7. Ask Questions

By asking relevant and appropriate questions you can strike a chord with somebody. Asking is better than telling. By giving orders, you aren’t going to get further in any relationship.

8. Value of Your Time

Time once lost can never be gained back. You snooze, you lose. I find it amazing when people don’t respect punctuality. Emergencies happen but not on a regular basis.

Show #courtesy for other’s #time by showing up on time and making it well it’s worth. #life #leadfromwithin

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9. Listen

The best #gift you can give someone is your #time and undivided attention. #leadfromwithin #life #courtesy

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If you are in a conversation with someone, be in the moment and listen. There is no use listening selectively or pretending to listen. 

#Listen with your #heart and listen to understand. #leadfromwithin #leadership #EI #communication #peopleskills

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10. Let Go

Give in and let go because sometimes that may be better for yourself and others. This is probably one of the most difficult to implement every time. Self –awareness via gentle reminders to yourself helps you to let go.

People may forget whom a business card belongs to or your titles but they will never forget how you made them feel. Take the responsibility to make people feel valued and important in your interactions because they matter and you matter. Inspire and lead by example and with your actions.

For Coaching, Speaking, Training let’s connect.

Do You Walk A Fine Line In The Choices You Make?

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I was listening to music on my way to yoga on Saturday and Paul McCartney’s following song started playing on my iPhone ….

There is a fine line, between recklessness and courage
It’s about time, you understood which road to take
It’s a fine line, your decision makes a difference
Get it wrong, you’ll be making a big mistake

It’s a fine line
Whatever’s more important to you (It’s a fine line)
You got to choose what you want to do
Whatever’s more important to be (It’s a fine line)
That’s the thing that you gotta see

The lyrics of this song kept ringing in my ears and whilst doing yoga, when the instructor mentioned, do what is possible, push yourself but not to the extent where you are not able to breathe…..,it struck me that there is such a fine line between challenging yourself and stepping out of your comfort zone and pushing yourself to an extent where you could injure yourself and find it difficult to breathe.

After class on my way back, I couldn’t help thinking…..

There is a fine line between

→ confidence and over confidence resulting in arrogance
→ frustration and giving into anger and giving up
→ being a trusted advisor and a pushy or desperate sales person
→ giving in to let go and giving up
→ fake it till you make it to gain confidence and being inauthentic

How many times do leaders walk this fine line? And in walking this fine line, do you as a leader forget to care for your employees, to keep the communication lines open, to appreciate people and not take kindness for granted.

In walking this thin line, and in order to not tip over to the not so pleasant side, what are some of the most important factors?

1. Confidence

Have the confidence to be not led by your fears, yet remind yourself to be humble. Walking the fine line between arrogance and confidence can be challenging at times, yet, if you allow yourself to be driven by your inner self and core, it is possible to make the right choice.

2. Let go

Let go of the desire to be popular and of getting brownie points at the cost of not speaking up for the right things. Indifference breeds indifference. If you take people in your team for granted and do not recognize or appreciate them you are indicating that you don’t care for them or the work they do. Your behavior and what you do or don’t, matters.

3. People Skills

Being a team leader or manager involves much more than IQ. You will be an effective manager when you communicate with your team, make them feel valued and listen to them.

Be consistent in your behavior and walk your talk. You create confusion and animosity when you communicate one thing with your words and do something else by your actions. You need to have a positive attitude and see the good and bad and be able to deal with the challenges and adversities. People will believe in you if they see you put forth your values and vision consistently and in that care for people and work together with them to take this value and vision forward.

4. Mindset and attitude

It is challenging not to cross the thin line during adversities. Yet, a leader is one who does not fall prey to the vulnerable moment and shows the tight attitude and mindset. It is not about being a superwoman or superman but asking yourself what is your purpose and what are you driven by? Negative attitude is like a vicious cycle and can have a cascading effect in bringing a relationship, a team and organization apart.

5. Indifference

Your leadership style needs to facilitate people towards their and the overall organization’s progress. Policies and procedures are essential in an organization but when you make them cumbersome and as the sole purpose in whatever you do, it becomes inhuman and a burden.

No matter what role you play, you don’t need to tip over the thin line to make a choice that is irrational and one that displays poor #EI. #leadfromwithin

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You have a #choice even when you are walking a fine line, one you would like to receive if you were at the receiving end. #peopleskills

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For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

How To Give Feedback That Matters

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The training starts at 9 am. All, but 2 participants arrive either early or on time. However, the training doesn’t start till after the two participants have arrived which is at 9:07 am.

At the gym, in the RPM class of 30 members, ten to fifteen members work beyond their comfort zone and they work out because they are interested in making a difference to their training. The rest of them are in the class as if someone has forced them to be there. The instructor gives more attention to these non-performers.

A group of people decide to write a book together, and in the sub groups some of them submit their chapters on time and others don’t. Yet the people who submit on time are not acknowledged or worse still the whole process gets stuck because of people who don’t bother keeping up to the agreed deadlines.

Mary is in a team of five people within a multi-national firm. She works in their business development and strategic planning function. Mary is a lateral thinker, learns new concepts and skills rapidly and applies it in new and untested ways to achieve spectacular results. She may not be an expert on every aspect but is quick to accommodate, adapt, learn and apply, yet achieve more than the results expected. Two others in her team are good in their own way. Mary or the other two don’t seem to get any praise or positive feedback. Their efforts are not only taken for granted but not acknowledged.

What is common in all the above scenarios?

Giving feedback, praise, appreciation …. A critical skill and yet ignored by leaders, managers, coaches and many people in their daily walk of life.

As a child, haven’t we been encouraged, praised, ‘wowed at’ when we walked for the first time. For those who are parents of small kids haven’t you adored and been ecstatic when your little child walked for the first time. You didn’t criticize your child for not having walked properly or falling down when he or she took his first step or took the walking for granted and completely ignored the fact that your child had walked for the first time. Twenty years down the line, do you think you or your child have stopped wanting appreciation?

When did we stop wanting recognition or praise? NEVER

In my coaching sessions with managers or leaders of organizations, I find managers struggling to give feedback that consists of positive comments. The struggle that most people have with giving praise is what do I tell them other than commenting “awesome” or “spectacular”. That kind of comment made often sounds like flattery instead of genuine appreciation.

As human beings we all like to be recognized and genuinely praised irrespective of age, gender or personality.

How do we give feedback or appreciation ?

1. Listen and observe 

Do not underestimate the power of listening and observing. In doing so, you’ll be able to notice the specific things that people in your personal or work life do well. This provides you with evidence to be able to praise the person and acknowledge that they did something well. Worse still don’t ignore the fact that someone has been on time, someone has made an effort to work hard and smart and someone has met deadlines.

2. Little things that matter

“Praise the slight improvement and praise every improvement. Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise” Dale Carnegie. Every small achievement matters. Appreciate even the small gestures because that makes the receiver feel good and encouraged.  

Silent #appreciation or #gratitude is as good as none. #peopleskills #neuroscience #brain #leadfromwithin #life

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3. Genuine appreciation  

If you give specific appreciation instead of overloading with just adjectives, you’ll be able to show genuine interest. In organizations, as managers of teams or as leaders why not get to know someone in terms of their strengths and their interests? Make observations on how they act and behave and do things. We are emotional beings and it helps to have an EQ that makes another person feel “You Matter“.

4. Feedback culture

Cultivate a habit in your daily life of giving appreciation to those in your life. Develop a culture within your organization to give and receive feedback. Feedback needs to be positive and if you have an area of development to point out, do so, but definitely do not load it with negatives and criticism. None of us need help with criticizing ourselves. Each of us are experts on that. Don’t wait for a 360° feedback process at the end of the year, that is done like a chore instead of truly using it as a way of providing genuine feedback and appreciation. Feedback should be ‘continuous’ so that people know what they are doing well, what do they see as challenges and thus need to work   on developing.

#Relationships are not like a robot. You need to treat them with care and that is key to building #peopleskills.

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What are you doing to build and strengthen #relationships? #leadfromwithin #peopleskills

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Are you “seeing” people?

“I see you. You matter.”

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

The Power of Questions : 5 Secrets To Leading A Meaningful Life

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I was standing at the immigration queue last Friday, in Singapore, to catch a flight back home.

I was exhausted, yet couldn’t miss hearing a little girl of age may be 4-5 years old persistently asking her mom, mommy where is Daddy? So mommy answers her but she is still not quite satisfied with mommy’s answer. She changes tact and asks her mom, what are you holding in your hand ? So her mom replies to her saying passports. So she asks, is mine with you ? She gets a response from her patient mom. Then she asks her mom, you are holding 3, one is mine, other is yours, whose is the third one ? So her mom says, darling that is your dad’s passport.

She then in her sweet little voice loudly and clearly calls out to her dad, daddy do you want your passport? If yes, you better come here with us. Lo and behold she managed to get her dad with her.

What stood out for me was the way this little girl got to her end goal and she did all of that by asking questions of her mom.

Children are persistent with questions and they do get answers to their never ending questions.

I was amazed at how this little girl by asking 5-6 questions got the information out and laid her path to solve her jigsaw puzzle. In the end she achieved her end goal of getting her dad to stand in the same queue as her.

Asking relevant Questions is a powerful tool. The right questions inspire creativity, insights, drive connection and engagement and get desired results and breakthroughs.

By asking different type of questions, depending on the information you seek to get, (Open, fact based, probing, coping, what if ), you get bits of information and build on this to arrive at the final destination.

Wondering why I said constructive and right. Imagine if you lost the biggest deal of the decade. First thing you would probably ask yourself is what is wrong with me? What did I screw up? These kind of questions sets a negative tone to your thoughts and action. Instead, a relevant question would be What can I do to make sure I increase my chances of winning the deal ? What did I do well? What could I improve on ?

Questions are good for persuasion and convincing somebody, for enquiry, for building rapport and relationship, for being a good conversationalist. Listening is of utmost importance in the latter two instances.

Reflection begins with asking empowering questions of oneself.

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Self-awareness is critical to your success.

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How do we use the power of questions to reflect on our own lives and move forward ?

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1. What is your tennis ball?

This question, is from a spectacular commencement speech given by Drew Houston, the CEO of Dropbox, for MIT’s 147th Commencement held June 7, 2013.

To quote Houston, “I was going to say work on what you love, but that’s not really it. It’s so easy to convince yourself that you love what you’re doing — who wants to admit that they don’t? When I think about it, the happiest and most successful people I know don’t just love what they do, they’re obsessed with solving an important problem, something that matters to them. They remind me of a dog chasing a tennis ball: their eyes go a little crazy, the leash snaps and they go bounding off, plowing through whatever gets in the way. I have some other friends who also work hard and get paid well in their jobs, but they complain as if they were shackled to a desk.”

“So after today, it’s not about pushing yourself; it’s about finding your tennis ball, the thing that pulls you. It might take a while, but until you find it, keep listening for that little voice.”

It is about figuring out what you enjoy doing the most, what kind of activity makes you come alive, what do you feel most enthused about. Once you’ve figured out what brings out the best in you, you have to figure out how are you going to incorporate that into your day-to-day life?

2. What are your superpowers?

This is to determine your strengths, traits and altitudes. These are unique to you and this is what enables you to overcome challenges and deal effortlessly with any situation that life throws at you. Your strengths is something you determine by self-awareness and by a conversation with a Coach.

3. What are you grateful for?

Do you take things that you have and the people who stand by you for granted? Gratitude reminds us to be positive and help us move forward. It is easy to complain, criticize and condemn. To be thankful for a positive experience and from a negative experience is fulfilling and helps us let go.

4. What legacy do you wish to leave behind?

If you answered oh, what difference can I make, I’m a drop in the Ocean. Think again. If you believe that you can make a difference and do and be that person who can make a difference, you will be able to. Another way of thinking about the same question is to ask yourself, Looking back on your career and life, 15 or 30 years from now, what will you be proud of what you’ve accomplished? This is a great forward moving statement that can help you put things in perspective

5 . What am I doing now?

This helps you to think about what you are committed to right now and ask yourself if that ties in with your dream, your purpose and passion. In answering what you are doing now, you convert an intention to action. It is great to dream an intention to get somewhere is useless without an action.

These are some questions which you can ask yourself on the path of self-reflection and send-awareness. By questioning you encourage divergent thinking, tap into creativity and you set yourself on a motivating path.

What would asking the right question make possible for you in your life ?

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The Zestful Way To Live An Intentional Life

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When I’m delivering training or coaching one of my goals is to enable the participants to make the shifts that they see is necessary and to facilitate insights and breakthroughs that they want to have. A breakthrough or an insight which will help them lead an intentional life. Recently, one of the participants asked me, “what do you mean by “leading an intentional life”? As soon as this participant asked me this question, I was reminded of something that I had learnt from one of my yoga instructors.

One of my yoga instructors at the beginning of every class asks us to set an intention and through the class she asks us to remind ourselves of this intention that we set. I could not relate to this couple of years back until one day, I decided to set an intention- an intention to smile no matter the challenge I face during the one hour. The change in my focus and the lightness that I felt in my mind, mid-way during the session, was phenomenal.

Our minds wander with several thoughts during the day and this tends to intensify when we are faced with adversities or challenges. Setting an intention which will help our mind to focus on in an hour of yoga is not as easy as it sounds, yet it helps to steer the wandering mind to get back on track. Some days is easier than other days and it is a matter of training the mind to let go of wandering thoughts.

Setting an intention to Life and her moments is no different from that of one hour in yoga or at the gym. In fact it is part and parcel of our life.

“When we cling to thoughts and memories, we are clinging to what cannot be grasped. When we touch these phantoms and let them go, we may discover a space, a break in the chatter, a glimpse of open sky. This is our birthright—the wisdom with which we were born, the vast unfolding display of primordial richness, primordial openness, primordial wisdom itself. When one thought has ended and another has not yet begun, we can rest in that space.” – Pema Chodron

Many of us go through our days and lives by going through the motions, doing things at work and home without much forethought. Compare this with living an intentional life, where you keep your focus on the purpose of doing something – everything you do is done with a conscious intent and based on your core values.

If you think about it, we do everything with an ultimate goal. To reach that goal, not everything may be enjoyable but needs to be done to get there. In some of these moments we go about the task possibly on auto pilot. For example, if I am having guests over for dinner, as much I may not enjoy cleaning the dishes I need to get it done so that my kitchen is clean. Take another instance, in order to market my business and what I do, I need to go for networking events though all of them may not be enjoyable and inspiring.

Intent is always there but sometimes we forget and go through the motions in such a way that it feels like a chore.

How can you live your life intentionally despite the uncertainty and unpredictability that life offers?

Start by asking questions of yourself,

1. What beliefs of mine are holding me back ? What are the alternate ways of thinking, if any ? Can I get some other perspectives ? How can I encourage myself to have more green light thinking and overcome my inner fears and doubts?

2. How did I overcome my last challenge? When have I felt competent or successful? Think about this through different stages in your life. Make an inventory by keeping a journal. When did I feel most vibrant, energized and alive? How can I connect back to those moments in the present ?

3. What can I do that is within my control? Manage your own behavior and actions because that is the only thing that is within each of our control.

4. What does my ideal world look like? What is that I need to do to get closer to that dream? Start with what an ideal day looks like and keep adding to your list of success. Reward yourself with wins no matter how small or big they are. Learn to be gratuitous in life because that changes your attitude to life and helps to bring in more positivity.

5. How do I want to be perceived? What matters? What can I let go of? Are my behaviors and actions in sync with my values?

Living with intention is to finally connect with your authentic self, where your batteries are recharged and you feel lighter in your mind and everything you do feels good no matter how difficult or challenged it may be. Click To Tweet

Living an intentional life leads to a more purposeful and effective approach to life – a life where you can seek to create greater impact and satisfaction in whoever you are and whatever you do. Click To Tweet

How are you creating an intentional life for yourself?

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