Little Things That Matter

Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

Don’t Take LIFE For Granted

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Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

This is one of the Human Relation Principles of Dale Carnegie.  The simplicity of this statement is complex in itself.  It is one of the most difficult to practice especially when things go wrong, you are experiencing a down and out day, and many moments in your life is filled with chaos, suffering and adversities.
Take for instance, when a customer service doesn’t take action and keeps saying sorry for the inconvenience caused and yet doesn’t show any signs of resolving the issue, most of our reaction is to criticize and get angry. There are many such similar events in our life when our patience is tested and we either complain or criticize.
If you observe, we criticize, condemn or complain not only about others but also ourselves.
How many times have you chided yourself ?
It is good to vent out, to seek improvement but we need to be thankful in life.
Three years back, after finishing my boot camp, whilst getting down some stairs on my way home, I fell down and fractured my ankle. I realized, how much I missed walking normally, how much I used and needed my ankle.  I have had many injuries and accidents and each of these have taught me the importance of that part of the body that I have injured.  Isn’t many aspects of our life, our relationships and the moments in our life similar? Do you take time to appreciate something when you have it or Do you realize the importance of something or someone after you don’t have it?
Life’s path is uncertain and yes we make choices and take chances but no matter how much we plan, not everything goes as per our plans. One way to reduce complaining is not to take life and the little things in life for granted
1. Thank you, please, sorry from the heart are three simple yet effective words. Make a difference by using these words as often as possible in a meaningful way. This applies in real life and on interactions in Social Media.
2. Take count of what you have in life and appreciate that.  Your health, your job, your family, your house and everything life has offered. Remember, there are many people who don’t have many things that you have.
3.  If challenges are what life has thrown at you, learn to see the positivity in those challenges and derive strength brick by brick.
4. If some relationships have turned sour, be thankful of the lessons that it has taught you.  Don’t take your relationships with family or friends for granted. No one is perfect. Communicate, clarify, listen, empathize, apologize because without these no relationship can last.
5. In every pain, sudden loss, and mishaps that occur  as difficult as it may be, learn to appreciate the lessons it has taught you.
Be thankful of every moment and every breath you take. Life lived in negativity, sarcasm and criticism is one of vain and a vicious circle. You can go to the spa, the mountains, the chalets and yet you will not find inner peace. Live in positivity, vent out, let go and make the journey of life your friend and find inner peace.
Extract from Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People “Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do.  That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism, and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. “To know is to forgive all”.
As Dr Johnson said : “God himself, sir does not propose to judge man until the end of his days.” Why should you and I ?
Learn to be kind to yourself and others. Live life in compassion and gratitude.

Leadership And Compassion

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I had met Victoria recently who had hired me as a coach. Victoria is a highly motivated, energetic, determined and passionate woman in that she is driven by her purpose and vision in life. She is a senior executive with a multi-national firm and she has progressed very well in her career. She is one of the youngest managing directors within her firm and somebody whom people within the firm envied and looked up to. Victoria is a caring and compassionate individual but at the same time very goal oriented and at times in that drive may seem to appear as impersonal.

Victoria normally is prompt and punctual. However on this day, she arrived to my office 10 minutes late. She profusely apologized. I observed that she seemed agitated and particularly stressed about something. I accepted her apology, smiled and requested her to take a seat. I allowed her to calm down and I did this by being silent for several minutes. That helped her to calm her nerves and regain her composure. She had a glass of water and she started narrating how her day was, what caused her to be stressed out and the reason for her delay and agitation. She appeared back to normal calm and composed self after I listened to her story.

Her desired outcome from this session was to stay in the PEA during moments when her inner critique seemed to be taking control, especially when she had to present in front of the board or any other senior executive team.

Victoria was coaching with me on aspects of Executive Presence especially given her new role and larger responsibility associated with her recent promotion.

I focused the entire session on Coaching With Compassion. This enables a person to speak about their ideal life, their vision and be positive and powerful.

How does compassion help the work environment and boost the confidence and engagement of employees?

1. Enables people to see their strengths, and get them into a positive emotional state. This allows them to think and be creative.

2. Your Positive Emotional Attractor (PEA) is aroused and that facilitates you to think about possibilities and dreams with optimism and hope.

3. You think about the resonant relationships that support and believe in you.

4. You are confident and you believe in yourself.

5. The more you are in your PEA state, the more you are motivated and driven by your purpose.

Victoria had forgotten about her tough day and some agonizing moments that had led her to an agitated state when she had entered my office. It was almost like a ray of sunlight had entered the room.

The best part was when we had about 5 minutes left to the end of the session, she said my questions had evoked some insights for her on how she could deal with being in the PEA in moments where she feels her inner gremlin takes over. She mentioned that she is going to put some thoughts into the aha moments that these questions had given her and share with me on email and in our next coaching session as to how she had put to use some of these learnings to overcome her executive presence.

I could tell she enjoyed her coaching session and despite being a vivacious person the coaching with compassion had taken to her a different level of achievement in her own mind and how she saw her life.

Within organizations, as a leader if you can set clear goals, and treat everyone as a partner for progress you facilitate growth, fulfillment and development. Good communication, a key to purpose and problem solving should never be underestimated. When you give people in your team or organizations role in defining their values and tying it with the vision of the company, you encourage interaction and cooperation.

Let us not forget that success is built-in valuing the Human potential and providing an environment that allows the positivity to grow and nourish.

Ask questions which raise their awareness of the wider context of their action.

To arouse the PEA, studies are suggesting that we need to: (1) be social; and (2) engage the person in positive, hopeful contemplation of a desired future.

The latter might also be stimulated when discussing core values and the purpose of the organization or project.

Extracted from NEUROSCIENCE AND LEADERSHIP: THE PROMISE OF INSIGHTS by Richard Boyatzis

The power of positive imaging and visioning is that it catches your dreams and engages your passion. You cannot inspire this passion in others without engaging in it yourself.

For Coaching, Speaking or Training please connect with Lalita Raman.

Live With Hope

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Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

“Once there was a young warrior. Her teacher told her that she had to do battle with fear. She didn’t want to do that. It seemed too aggressive; it was scary; it seemed unfriendly. But the teacher said she had to do it and gave her the instructions for the battle. The day arrived. The student warrior stood on one side, and fear stood on the other. The warrior was feeling very small, and fear was looking big and wrathful. They both had their weapons. The young warrior roused herself and went toward fear, prostrated three times, and asked, “May I have permission to go into battle with you?” Fear said, “Thank you for showing me so much respect that you ask permission.” Then the young warrior said, “How can I defeat you?” Fear replied, “My weapons are that I talk fast, and I get very close to your face. Then you get completely unnerved, and you do whatever I say. If you don’t do what I tell you, I have no power. You can listen to me, and you can have respect for me. You can even be convinced by me. But if you don’t do what I say, I have no power.” In that way, the student warrior learned how to defeat fear. ”― Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times
To me this is an example of Hope in the face of fear, in the face of every moment of life.
https://twitter.com/rlalita/status/411382047706320896
In my coaching sessions with clients, when I coach with compassion and when their Positive Emotional Awareness is aroused, there is hope in their dreams and vision. Hope sees your ideal self – the self that you want out of life, the motivational core that focuses on your aspirations, dreams, purpose, and calling
I was at a Christmas Choir yesterday with the mood so joyous, and filled with hope. This is the festive season and typically during this time there is a joy, optimism and dreams are weaved.
However, what happens when there is negativity and struggle around us or we are in the midst of the same.
→Why allow negativity to get the better of us?
→Why not acknowledge that we are not feeling good yet not give up in taking a good look at the situation.
“…feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.” ― Pema Chödrön
For me Hope is …..
Heart – when we look within we find the answers. An awakened heart enables us to find the perspective and lead from within.
Optimism – to see the light at the end of the tunnel. No matter what the situation, ask yourself what can you make happen? Living with rational optimism and positive affirmations makes life easier. What happens to us at every moment is not within our control but the attitude we take to it, is our choice.
Passion – without energy and enthusiasm about our life and what we do, life becomes boring and meaningless. Our purpose is our biggest energy driver in achieving our dreams.
Empathy – to understand another person’s condition from their perspective keeps their hope. Show compassion not only to others but to self to renew yourself and connect with others.
To live in despair and wallow in our sorrows doesn’t take too much effort. Being positive and living to dream, to aspire and make things happen is what leading from within is and makes life interesting and challenging, Isn’t that what hope is all about?
Never take away hope from anyone else or from yourself.

The Essence Of A Simple Life

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Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

The sun shines brightly, the sky is blue, the wind blows gently on your face and November – March is the best time to have several dates with nature. I enjoy hiking and being up, close and personal with nature.

I went on a hike on Sunday and it was up one of the shortest but steepest peaks in Hong Kong. The path was gravelly with the downhill more challenging than the uphill.

With each of these hikes along a gravelly downhill path, I can’t help but think about life and the challenging moments she throws at us.

I tread the path downhill with care, caution yet overcoming the fear that I will go tumbling down. That is where focus, mindfulness and believing in myself helps a lot. How similar is this to life in the down and out moments?

I have also observed that people whom I meet in these hikes are friendly, smiling, willing to help and appear more relaxed and filled with eagerness to reach the top of the hill and explore their own fitness or new routes or adventures. You’ll most likely have an exactly opposite experience in the hum drum of the city if you were to bump into the same person on a week day near the office.

How can we bring this human touch to a manic day ?
How do we live life and enjoy the moments that she blesses us with ?
What has each reconnection with nature taught me ?

  1. Saying “please”, “thank you”, “sorry” honestly, sincerely and spontaneously. Smile because you don’t need a reason.
  2. Give honest and sincere appreciation to people whom you work with and to your near and dear ones.
  3. Replying to emails or returning phone calls because you care and you can show you care.
  4. Walking away when a negative emotion arises and not falling prey to that vulnerable moment.
  5. Forgive even when someone has hurt you not for them but for you to heal.
  6. Challenge yourself, step out of your comfort zone, grow and develop but learn to be compassionate with yourself.
  7. When you are alone watch your thoughts and when you are with others watch your words.
  8. Being committed to your word to others because you care for your character.
  9. Recognizing your ideal self and invoking essence of hope and compassion.
  10. Doing a random act of kindness to another human being or creature.
  11. Reading a good book as a regular habit.
  12. Spending time with Nature in the form of hikes, treks, swimming, rafting, sky diving and various other outdoor activities.
  13. Spending quality time with family and friends and doing it often.
  14. Lighting aromatic candles in your home and decorating your home with bright colors.
  15. Listening to understand and not to respond.

Each downturn or challenging moment in work or life although similar to the gravelly narrow path downhill seems to be more stressful. Whilst what life throws at us is not entirely within our control the attitude we take is entirely within our control.

I remind myself of some of the 15 points that I have mentioned, in my down and vulnerable moments.

→Resonant leaders are those who are emotionally self-aware, socially intelligent and have the cognitive intelligence.
→What do you do to not fall a victim to your moment of stress ?
→How are you becoming resonant leaders?

For Coaching, Facilitating and Speaking Connect. About Lalita Raman

Leadership And The Art Of Communication

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Last week on Wednesday, I was attending a meeting and one of the conversations was about organizing events where we could bring out the best in Women and show diversity of women by getting those who practice it to share their experiences. Along with this, some of us were of the view that we should combine this talk with some fun, food and frolic. While this conversation was going on, I suggested that maybe we should consider a theme party and before I could finish my statement, I heard a woman who was dominating the meeting till then, cut me off by laughing and saying “oh God, no, I hate fancy dress parties”.

For a second or two I was upset but decided to smile. I smiled, because at that moment I had a flash of this particular extract from Pema Chodron’s quotes that I had read the day before.

“It’s not life that causes suffering, says Buddhist teacher Pema Chödrön, it’s our story about life—our interpretation—that causes so much distress. When we practice interrupting the story we’re telling ourselves, and learn to ride the wave of emotions that inevitably come up in life, we can find a new freedom and flexibility in the face of uncertainty and change.”

I shy away from networking meetings, especially those over drinks or lunch without a talk or event. One of the main reasons I’m uncomfortable with these type of networking events is that I find most people not wanting to have a proper conversation. Most, whom I encounter at such events are those who give you a fleeting glance whilst making an effort to talk to you. They are either too busy with their smart phones or scouting the room whilst pretending to talk to you or anyone else they meet in the room.

Last Thursday, I made a conscious effort to go to one of the Alumni networking events and whilst I was almost on my way out, I met a person with whom I had a long and meaningful conversation. This person appealed to me because he did not flash his ego or titles or business cards or his position in his company. We spoke about values, state of the world, differences and similarities in culture and how important it is to get fulfillment on a daily basis and how we can explore this path on a daily basis. When I suddenly looked at the watch, I realized that it was well past the time I had planned to leave. We started and ended on a high note.

I smiled and at that moment realized how important it is to be present. I remembered a quote From Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living by Pema Chödrön, page 116, that made perfect sense to me, because I had experienced this whilst I was conversing with this person. “If we really want to communicate, we have to give up knowing what to do. When we come in with our agendas, they only block us from seeing the person in front of us. It’s best to drop our five-year plans and accept the awkward sinking feeling that we are entering a situation naked. We don’t know what will happen or what we’ll do.”

How many times do we enter a room and feel uncomfortable ?

What is the reason for this discomfort?

Yes, there are many times when many of us come into a conversation with pre conceived notions or agendas.

Some of these situations, where I am aware, yet find it difficult to go with a completely open mind is

– interviews
– business development meetings
– networking drink or lunch meetings with no event attached
– a meeting where negotiation is part of the agenda
– meeting someone for the first time as a potential client
– meeting people ahead or after a workshop, training or presentation.

Over the years, I have become less conscious in some of the above situations because I have consciously told myself and re-engineered my brain to go with an open mind. I have also realized that the more I go with a preset notion or the more apprehensive I have been, the less effective the conversation has been.

Communication happens best when there are no agendas and you allow the space to be filled with the flow. The flow can be silence, laughter, conversation, emotions, body language, facial expressions and everything that allows you to be who you are. A space that allows your soul to shine and where you are not interrupted, judged, criticized or expected to act in a particular way.

Whilst not every conversation in our day-to-day life may quite meet the above, why don’t we create that flow in every opportunity that we communicate in?

How do leaders communicate in the know?

  1. by being flexible and adaptable
  2. by facilitating empowering and engaging conversations
  3. by listening to understand and not to respond
  4. listening without bias or prejudice
  5. listen to connect emotionally and intellectually and with empathy
  6. give undivided attention to the person with whom you are having a conversation with.
  7. a conversation is never one way though many behave in that fashion as was the lady in the meeting I attended on Wednesday. If you are a good communicator, you will initiate the conversation by taking genuine interest in others and what they have to say.
  8. you reinforce and clarify. You are concise and you encourage others to talk not only by the words you use but also by your body language and facial expressions.

When have you experienced communication at its best?

How are you creating the space for being a great communicator?

“That we close down is not a problem. In fact, to become aware of when we so is an important part of the training. The first step in cultivating loving-kindness is to see when we are erecting barriers between ourselves and others. Unless we understand-in a non-judgmental way-that we are hardening our hearts, there is no possibility of dissolving that armor. Without dissolving the armor, the loving-kindness of bodhisattva is always held back. We are always obstructing our innate capacity to love without an agenda.” ~Pema Chodron

How are you ready to play?

What has inspired you in those you consider good communicators and leaders?

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Leadership and The Art of Taking On A Challenge

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I go the gym daily and on Sunday I decided to try something different and attended a class called Bosu Blast.
Trying anything new is challenging but this workout was more daunting than I had expected.
As I was trying to balance myself, step in and out of the BOSU ball, I realized that I not only had to maintain my balance but control the right muscles to be able to maintain my stability, use my core, and be quick and coordinated with the music and the rest of the class.   Phew, easier said than done.
I was lost in the first five to seven minutes, especially on some of the moves and to top the discomfort, I lost my balance and twisted my ankle.
At that moment, I decided to control my monkey mind and focus on what I wanted to achieve, learn which muscles I need to control to maintain my balance and yet be agile. Bottom line,  I decided not to be spooked by a ball but believe in myself.
The workout was for an hour and after adopting the attitude of dare, try, observe, learn, I thoroughly enjoyed the last 40 minutes.  No, I was not close to being perfect but I had a good cardio workout, and was ready to challenge myself for the same class next time.
  • Doesn’t life present us with many situations similar to this ?
  • What makes the difference in that moment of choice  and decision?
  • What can we do as leaders in daily life and in our organizations ?
Every time we face a new or uncomfortable situation most of us experience negative thoughts and emotions.
  • Do we buy into our negative thoughts, feelings and emotions?               OR
  • Do we run away from them and avoid them like a barge pole ?              OR
  • Do we recognize those emotions and make a conscious decision to overcome them?

What can you do as a leader?

  1. Structure – an essential discipline in every leader.  You need to believe in yourself. Remember, your team draws on your confidence, ability and strength to lead the organization to its vision.  Structure gives you the boundaries within which you know you have to operate but not necessarily restrict to.
  2. Independent – you need to think independently as to what will work for you, your team and your organization in that moment of choice. Of course you can’t be in the know about everything. Drawing the synergy of the necessary resources is something that should come naturally to you as a leader. Reflect and introspect so that you have your moments of insight to enable you to make sound decisions and judgments.
  3. Collaboration – as a leader you are not expected to know everything. Brainstorming ideas and collaborating with your team, will engage and enable them to use their strengths and talents to work towards the vision.
  4. Creativity – you test your limits in challenging situations. As a leader you need to go out of your comfort zone to grow, develop, welcome changes and face bumps on the road.
  5. Emotional self-awareness and emotional self-control – you need to be mentally strong to manage your thoughts, feelings, emotions and words. Being achievement oriented, having a positive outlook and a strong EI will enable you to reach your vision. As a leader, seek to look at the big picture but at the same time do not forget the short-term steps required to achieve your long-term vision. Have the mental agility and toughness to face uncertainties and learn from your mistakes,
→As a leader, are you ready to influence and inspire by being resilient, empathetic and adaptable?
 
→What are the performance distinguishing competencies that you aspire to develop and achieve as a leader?
 
→How do you seek to influence those whose lives you touch?
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Leadership and Bias

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Encourage Objectivity & Avoid Bias

Encourage Objectivity & Avoid Bias

“She is quiet; she has probably nothing interesting to say”

“Investment bankers are all extroverts and make a lot of money”

“Oh you are Indian; you must have grown up in a caste system.”

“She is successful and has come up the ranks on the fast path. She must have achieved this because she is a flirt and has used her influence”

“A leader is one who manages team and is part of senior management”

 →What do these statements sound like to you?←

Asian/American, Male/Female, Extroverts/introverts, rich/poor, aggressive/meek is the common single story we hear or are categorized into.

You are categorized, stereotyped and generalized and not seen for your uniqueness, for your passions, your interests. Nor do you see others.

Bias creeps in our day-to-day life, and communication. This comes from our culture, our exposure or non-exposure, and our experiences.

♣But the real question is do we get so taken in by others beliefs and by our limited experience that we fail to see the uniqueness of the person in front of us♣

♣Do we fail to see that one person or a group of people don’t represent an entire country or gender?♣

Can Bias be fixed?

“I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.” ~Mother Teresa

There are people around you, in history, famous and not so quite famous who are changing bias and proving it by way of their actions. Some examples of people who fought bias…

Gender Bias – one of the most common biases that exists even in this day and age.

After graduation, Sudha Murthy became the first female engineer hired at India’s largest auto manufacturer TATA Engineering and Locomotive Company or TELCO. Murthy had written a postcard to the company’s Chairman complaining of the “men only” gender bias at TELCO. As a result, she was granted a special interview and hired immediately.

Disability bias – Man who lost his legs as a child scales 19,000ft-high Kilimanjaro by crawling on his HANDS for seven days.

There are many other stories of women and men who have not taken bias in their stride because they chose not to.

Eight Ways as Leaders to Overcome bias

->Ask yourself

  1. Is the issue with the person and how they behave or someone they remind you of?
  2. Does that person remind you of your fears or insecurities which triggers a bias ?
  3. Does this person behave or act in a manner that resembles that of a group that you know?
  4. Does any of the above impact you, your team or their work ?

-> Whenever you are in a moment when you think you will give in to generalizations, pause and reflect

  1. Have I been a victim of bias? What was the experience like?
  2. Would I like to be stereotyped?
  3. What if my creativity and who I am is not given recognition to?
  4. For every wrongful act done by someone from my gender or my country, or my industry would I like to be blamed?

 ->Remind yourself

  • Your mental models frame your thoughts and your thoughts in turn dictate your words. By reframing you create the environment and EI to respond to realities and communicate effectively.
  • Make a choice to step back and not allow spontaneity and your closed mind to create your bias.
  • Take responsibility to look around you, to observe the difference and to recognize that each individual is different in their own way.

As leaders, discover, become aware and deactivate your inappropriate biases. Isn’t leadership about your ability to connect, empathize, communicate and influence those around you by your words and actions ?

Reflective Questions for the Road to Identify and Introspect

As leaders, are you showing the character, the courage and the ability to do the right thing?

Are you happy to maintain your status quo and not challenge the accepted practices and stereotyping?

How are you growing and inculcating the change that you wish to see?

♦What would you like to add to this discussion?♦

Living In The Moment

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Photo Credit : Lalita Raman

Photo Credit : Lalita Raman

I was at the gym yesterday and two women were exchanging a rather loud conversation in the ladies changing room.  I could not help pay attention to one of the remarks made by one woman to her friend. One of the ladies asks her friend, so how was your week-end to which her friend replies ” I spent a lot of my weekend living in the moment”. I turned around and had a smile on my face when I heard that remark. I smiled because it is not often that I hear that response. The lady who had asked her friend the question, of course was confused and started asking a lot of questions at which point in time I was well on my way out of the ladies changing room and was rushing for my class.

The moment that is now and every moment that is yet to arrive will be history by the time you finish reading this statement. Be in this moment, live and enjoy this moment.

These are statements that you read in blogs, quotes , hear from your friends and read in various self-help books and possibly remind yourself at various points in your day.

Have you wondered ever so often what does living in the moment mean?

How do you practice it in your busy days filled with tasks and different roles to play ?

Don’t we spend most of our lives thinking about something else other than what we are doing right now?

 “Human beings have this unique ability to focus on things that aren’t happening right now. That allows them to reflect on the past and learn from it; it allows them to anticipate and plan for the future; and it allows them to imagine things that might never occur,” said Matthew Killingsworth, a doctoral student in psychology and lead author of the study.

Whilst I was catching up on reading over the weekend, this video caught my attention. This Polar Bear Cub Has A Lot To Teach Us About Making the most of the moment and enjoying it while we can.

After I watched this video I got to thinking which are those moments when I know I am in the now and fully present. Thinking about this lead me to writing this blog post ….

When I :

  1. Am with nature either hiking, rafting, or on a boat.
  2. Am in a garden filled with beautiful flowers
  3. See a butterfly perched on a flower
  4. Am on a roller coaster
  5. In a coaching session when I know I have to be mindful and present and cannot allow my mind to wander.
  6. Walking with a dog or the time I spend with my friends dog.
  7. Taking a test or writing an exam
  8. Physical Painful moment which consumes my entire energy at that moment or when I see someone else in pain.
  9. Am at the gym and yoga.
  10. Reading an interesting book or watching a nail-biting movie.
  11. Listening to a story that is emotional.
  12. Cooking a new recipe
  13. Am taking on a new challenge
  14. Exploring new places whilst on travel.
  15. Am Laughing or crying.

Just connecting to some of these moments helps me to tide over times when my mind starts to wander. There are possibly many other moments when I am in the now but they typically range around one of the things that I have mentioned above.

How often have you been in situations when you realize that the person whom you are speaking to, is not there with you. One of the best ways to be empathetic is to practice connective listening. We live in a complex world today and yet there are many times you feel that there is not an empathetic ear to listen to you. What you need most is a special heart that listens in mind, body and soul to you. Practicing connective listening, in my view is possible only if you are in the moment.

Mindfulness is being fully involved in the moment of being or doing no matter what the task is even if that means nothing. Meditation helps you to be more mindful in each moment of choice, to be focused and fully aware.

When are the moments in your life when you have connected in the now?

How do you treat yourself to more of these live in the moment?

The Strength Based Resonant Team Leader

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Two weeks back, I conducted a workshop on Tips and Tricks To Engage Employees. The focus of this workshop was employee engagement using a neuroscience perspective.

While discussing the neuroscience aspects, one of the points I highlighted was the importance of leaders and managers recognizing the strengths of the people who work with them in their teams or organizations. Strength is the key binding factor in providing certainty, feeling that we have the power of choice in what we do and also being recognized for our talents because we operate from our area of strength. It provides the endorphin to help our brain move towards an engaged and reward state.

One of the participants had a view that in some industries only command and control works and there is no time, especially given the deadlines, for recognizing strengths or working on creating an environment of Certainty, Recognition, Choices or Connection. An interesting discussion ensued in the workshop once this comment was made.

One of my coaching clients during one of her earlier sessions was sharing her challenges at her work place. She has been with her organization for eight years and she was describing how the head of the business was a very tough person, difficult to approach and someone who was curt. She finds her relationship with him much better currently, though there are times she still feels overwhelmed when she is in a meeting with him. Although he is not her boss, she has to have regular meetings with him since she is the CFO. She also narrated another story to me about how she had to contact some experienced people in the field of psychology for one of her assignments on a diploma course she was doing. She shared with me her experience of how she went about doing this.  Listening to her, I shared with her some of her strengths that I had observed.  She was amazed at seeing herself from this perspective that I had mentioned to her.  She had never seen herself nor had anyone mentioned to her that she was persistent, determined and was always ready to face a challenge.  Here was a lady who has faced life with open arms no matter the challenge but was not confident and was not aware about her strength. She is much more confident today with herself having learnt to recognize her strengths and work around her strengths.

  • How many of us have been in organizations where the manager or boss harp on our weakness?
  • How many of you focus on developing your weakness instead of growing and working on your strengths? 
  • How many job interviews seek to understand what motivates you and determine whether that matches the requirement of a job and vision of the company?

Each of us exhibit a number of characteristics including empathy, communication with clarity, a sense of humor, negotiation skills, analyzer, ability to delegate.

  • How many of you have been hired to a job that matched your talents?
  • How many organizations can pride themselves in getting the right talent

Refer my post on Marcus Buckingham Alert: Hiring For Talent 

Each of us has our unique strengths, that, if seeded and nurtured well, has an amazing power to develop and grow. If you promote an environment where each of your team members are empowered and encouraged to grow by using their strengths and talents, you will see your team and the organization grow towards its vision.

Yes, command and control may work well in some situations, but have you given thought to what would be the result if in this kind of environment, the leaders and managers took time to recognize the strengths of their team members and utilized them in achieving the overall vision of the company.

How do you recognize strengths of those who works with you and build on that?

  1. Identify your natural talents (recurring patterns of thought, behavior or feeling)
  2. Refine your talents with knowledge and skill
  3. Apply it in your work and daily life.

What are the most common strengths ? The following is an extract from the book Now, Discover your Strengths by Marcus Buckingham

He has identified 34 strengths which are Achiever, Activator, Adaptability, Analytical, Arranger, Belief (living out your values), Command, Communication, Competition, Connectedness (bridge builder), Consistency, Context (understanding the blueprints), Deliberative, Developer, Discipline, Empathy, Focus, Futuristic, Harmony, Ideation, Includer, Individualization (appreciate the uniqueness n each and don’t like generalizations), Input (inquisitive), Intellection (like to think and introspect), learner, Maximizer, Positivity, Relator (seek genuine relationships), Responsibility, Restorative, Self-assurance, Significance (want to be significant in the eyes of other people), Strategic, and Woo (Winning Over Others).

Leaders in their organizations can start to build a culture which recognizes and promotes strengths and have the recruitment process match the strengths of the individuals to what is required in a job. The job search should start off with describing the dominant talents that is required of a role be it a programmer or an accountant or marketer or a business head. Once these dominant talents in the role is identified, the advertisement or the interview process should challenge the potential candidates to claim these talents. As an ongoing process it is important for leaders to identify what are each individual’s strongest themes or strengths that they display?  How do these relate to the job that needs to be performed and are they getting enough knowledge and skill for further development? How does this relate to how they are managed?

Other questions you can ask:

What is the vision of your company? Why do you what you do?

What are the career aspirations of your team ?

What are their hobbies outside of work ? 

When you make it a priority to sow the seeds for collaborative and collective success, you create and nurture an environment for each of the individuals to thrive and flourish.

How are you helping people become resonant leaders?

Leadership In Troubled Times

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Photo credit : Lalita Raman

Photo credit : Lalita Raman

The CEO of the Company was having his monthly meeting with his direct reports to discuss achievements, strengths, opportunities missed or well used and way forward.
Jack, the CFO of the company had attended several of these meetings and felt the quality of these meetings had deteriorated. In the moments of silence, whenever he was an observer, he felt these meetings had become agreeable in nature and no brainstorming was encouraged.

Just in the last meeting he had raised an objection to the way the revenues were being earned and the way the company was going about increasing its market share and how in the medium to long-term the company may not be able to hold its market share. He also had concerns on the franchise value which he thought he will bring it up later. Despite presenting solutions he was left with the feeling that by raising a different perspective, he was considered possibly a rebel. The room didn’t celebrate his passion for the business nor appreciate his concern.

Don’t trouble trouble till trouble troubles you because if you trouble trouble, trouble will trouble you. As a kid I used to play this tongue twister with my friends.

Today in many organizations and in many societies, many individuals as so-called leaders and many others in their daily walk of life seem to be applying this tongue twister in every sense of the word.

As Dr. King said: “An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.”

People hesitate to speak up about injustices, poor practices, processes that don’t make sense. Many times these procedures and archaic practices creates a significant amount of unnecessary complexity and fosters a passive acceptance of the status quo.

The real test of your leadership comes not only when you identify a problem but also after you identify the problem. You then bring it to the forefront and take action to rectify it. Problems are signposts that you can’t and must not ignore and it is essential to see, speak up against, and address them in order to move forward.

Think back of those moments when you were considered a rebel because you didn’t go with the flow, challenged the methods and raised your concerns.

Do you as a true leader ignore the dissenting inner voice ?
Do you give up challenging a situation just because you are going to meet resistance?
Do you stop advocating an idea because it is not met with eyes of approval?
Do you have the courage to do what is right even if it is not the most popular?
Do you surround yourself with a team of people who can challenge your thinking and whose strengths make up for your deficits?

If you look at leaders like Steve Jobs or Martin Luther King they and their ideology or ways were not accepted easily. They were considered as dissenters or dogmatic when they started off.

To stand out from a crowd despite working in the interest of the vision of the organization could be overwhelming and for sure not comfortable. Your character as a leader is on a test in such situations. Yes and for many people who choose to stand out for what is right, their careers may have suffered and some called as not fitting in.

As leaders how do you point others to the new horizons or to the vision of the organization and yet show that the current practices aren’t going to achieve the same or what others are missing out ?

1. Leaders lead from their heart and are guided by their within.
2. Leaders by pointing out what others don’t see do not intend to be antagonistic but take responsibility, show accountability and a sense of ownership.
3. Leaders do not allow their values and the organization values to be overridden by keeping silent.
4. Leaders lead by their life and foster an environment and culture of being committed and not allow others perspectives or views to deter them.
 5. Leaders must develop a lower threshold for alibis and become better communicators and enforcers of what they want done. If you are more interested in being liked and popular than holding people accountable for results, you have a serious leadership weakness. It is not your job to make people happy. Your job is to get them better. Holding people accountable to high standards and results is nothing to apologize for. Failing to stretch them to their potential is.” -Dave Anderson

Education and experience is not only for acquisition of technical skills and knowledge but to develop that bent of mind and an attitude of responsibility, courage and above all be human.

Reflective Questions

What problems have you overcome today?
How well are you serving as a leader that only you can serve ?
Are you leading to your organization’s vision with humility, courage, and empathy?