Little Things That Matter

Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

Top Five Questions On Work-Life Balance

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Lalita Raman

Lalita Raman

Jack has had several busy work weeks. His morning starts off early and his day doesn’t end till after midnight. He spends most of his weekends working. He realizes that he doesn’t have time for his family, friends or “me” time.
He was constantly in catch-up mode and feels he is in a manic rat-race. He wondered where and when he had lost his work-life balance.

Work-life balance is a catch-all phrase that is considered to be a big problem in many people’s life.
Do you think that work-life balance is an issue for you ?
What does the phrase work-life balance mean to you ?

1. Do you know who you are?
Have you discovered your a) personal goals, b) business and career goals and c) personal growth and development goals?
Personal goals – this is what drives you from moment to moment in your quest for knowledge, your relationships, your family, your desire to earn money, how you see yourself and in the society you live.
Business and career goals – This is the means (how) by which you achieve your personal (why) goals, both tangible and intangible. What skills do you need to develop your talents so that you can progress in your career.
Personal Development Goals – what is your purpose? What are your values? Who are you? An identity that is not associated with what you do but a reflection of your values and your behavior and action. This is the goal that assists you in growth and self-development.

2. What are you passionate about?
Think of all those things that you absolutely love to do. These are activities, which even if you do only for a short time in a day refreshes you. There are many times in our life where we cut down on our sleep, “me `time” and many other activities because we have to complete a project. I’ve found that even during these moments in my life, listening to music or working out may be for a short span of fifteen minutes helps me rejuvenate and I don’t feel overwhelmed. Taking time out for things you absolutely love helps you focus better.

3. What would you do if you had no limits or you knew you would not be judged for what you do?
Even if you are a person who is confident and not that concerned about what people think, you succumb to the pressure to excel in what you do. The pressure from your own inner standards and also one from the outer world where you want to be appreciated rather than judged. When you feel you are on a hamster wheel, asking yourself about the possibilities helps you break your mental frame of mind. Your priorities become clear when you let yourself lose from the shackles of your mind.

4. Do you take a flexible approach?
A routine and structure is good but every day need not look the same. Taking a break from the routine helps you re-energize. Sometimes your work may need more of your time and at other times your personal life. Be flexible.

5. Do you embrace perfection? Whilst there is nothing wrong in maintaining high standards of quality in whatever you deliver, you cannot be at all places at all times. Learn to let go be it at home or work. You are not indispensable and life at work or home will go on without you being present all the time at both these places.

If you set your priorities right and have made a choice to spend more time on one aspect of your life for a period of time, don’t allow your mind to play games. Go with the flow, be present in whatever you are doing and reenergize with power naps or breaks.

Whenever you feel imbalance in your work and personal life, reexamine your life, your time usage and determine if you need to re-prioritize.

What is your vision?
What do you seek to achieve?
What are you doing to get closer to your vision?

Top 5 Leadership Lessons From YOGA

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Lalita Raman

 

Are you wondering what yoga has to do with leadership?

I have done yoga for almost 10 years and I still continue to learn not only the yoga poses but what yoga can teach about myself, life and leadership. When I started yoga 10 years back, it was purely as an exercise and to improve my flexibility. Most of the yoga instructors will tell you that yoga is a connection between mind, body and soul and the common link is through your breath. I used to hear this but never quite understood the real essence.
My journey with yoga in the first two-three years, was one of hate and love. However, where I stand today with yoga is one of love, where I have learnt to overcome some of my frustrations of inflexibility. This is where yoga is like leadership, in that a leader doesn’t take credit only when the going is good but stands through tough times and journeys through them.

For the full post please click on the LINK

Are You An Ode To Your Dogmas?

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We are more than a decade into the twenty-first century and yet we live by dogmas…….

Beliefs rule our work and personal world. Beliefs are more often than not a lie. Beliefs lead us to act or think about something in a way not because we have experienced it but because it is just believed to be true.  Beliefs are not necessarily based on logic. Each of us have our belief system and some of them are acquired along the journey of life or some that is ingrained into us from childhood. Most of them we choose not to question.

I grew up in India, and some of the common beliefs are

– if the husband dies soon after marriage, the wife has brought the bad luck
– widow needs to wear white
– if you are good you will go to heaven when you die
– a marriage is all about compromises
– if a particular dish is cooked in a specific way and this is a family tradition it is carried out from generation to generation without anyone asking why is it done the way it is done & is it necessary?
– crying is bad and makes you weak. Controlling your feelings makes you strong
– when a black cat crosses the road whilst you are walking it is a bad omen

In an organizational context beliefs can take the following shape

  • to join us as a coach or as a leadership trainer, you need to be trained by us. It doesn’t matter if you have been certified.
  • this is the only way to service a customer efficiently and it has worked for us for several years.
  • we will continue to service our existing customers with our existing products and there is no necessity to look at growing our range of products and services we offer to them.

Many of us become so intertwined with our beliefs that we practice it as a behavior & impose it on others. Beliefs are created by some data or knowledge that may have been gathered or gained without actually experiencing it or questioning the logic of the information.

Only when we separate our lives from beliefs and start living based on our own experiences, we start to be in control of our true journey of life.

Impact of beliefs

1. Fear – most people don’t want to question because they Fear that they will be excluded or thought of as unconventional. If I ask questions on their adopted practices, I cut my career progression.  In a larger context, if organizations refuse to break away from their conventional thinking they run the risk of not adapting. They short change themselves from creative thinking, growth, and development.

 2. Happiness – many of us for a large part our lives define success and well-being in terms of the external world. We live in this myth that our happiness is linked to the materialistic world. We continue to seek peace of mind from the external world.

Have you questioned if that gives you peace of mind, happiness and fulfillment?  Have you tried going on an inner journey?

3. Thoughts – Our thoughts reflect in our feelings and our actions. If we refuse to relinquish our deep-seated beliefs, they become our thoughts. These thoughts control us, dictate our actions and define who we are.

Would you like to be known by your beliefs or would you like to live your experiences?

Would you like to limit your potential by these beliefs?

 Let your fear, thoughts or dogmas not restrict your innate potential. Ask relevant questions

  • Have you asked yourself why is something done the way it is done?
  • What is stopping me from getting what I need?
  • Would you rather be part of a group who question, challenge and help you grow rather than agreeing with you on everything you say and do?
  • Are you a product of your beliefs?
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Top 5 Secrets To Make Resolutions Happen

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Albert Einstein said, “The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It can’t be changed without changing our thought.”

At the beginning of each new year, many of us make resolutions. These resolutions may be to eat healthy, exercise more, sleep early, practice mindfulness, be more patient, stop multitasking, etc.  Most of these resolutions are goals we set ourselves for self-improvement. We need a constant mindset to improve daily.

What is common in all the above cases ? It is a Resolve.  A resolve to

  • Do better
  • Be better
  • Change for the better
  • Speak up against injustice and oppression.
  • Recognize our inner critique and not allow it to be our bully.
  • Listen to our inner voice every time we waiver from being a human.

 There is a fixity of purpose, and unless we have this resolve and take a step ahead by committing to this choice, change will not happen.

I like to think a resolve adds meaning to random thoughts, procrastination to change and forces us to commit to the change. It is something we set our mind to and goes beyond a random wish. It is an enthusiasm, a passion to explore and turn into better realities rather than come mid year when we realize that we have forgotten about the new year resolutions.

How does one stick to one’s Resolve? Effective management of any change requires managing five key goals which is well explained by the ADKAR model.

1. Awareness:  to change a habit or a behavior or a situation, you have to want to change.

For that it is important to ask:

How do you view the current state?

How do you perceive the habit or the behavior or the current situation?

Contestability of the reasons for change?

WHY is it important to change?

2. Desire to want to change. A desire to participate and support the change. What are your intrinsic motivators unique to you to allow for change

3. Knowledge of how to change and what the change looks like. If I want to lose weight, I need to know how to go about losing weight and what will the process will look like. Important considerations here are your current knowledge base on the area you want to make the change in, capability to gain additional knowledge, what are the resources available and can you gain access to all or most of the relevant resources.

Let’s take the case of a woman facing domestic violence. She has got through step 1 and 2, the A and D, then she needs to ask herself what is her current knowledge on how she is going to stop being a victim of domestic violence, what resources is readily available to her that she already knows of, how is she going to gain additional knowledge of the sources of information to help her out of this situation – may be help line nos., the steps she needs to take to ensure her own safety and finally how easily accessible is each of these resources

4. Ability – do I have the ability to change. What if any are the psychological blocks (what in your own mindset that will work against you), physical and intellectual capability where relevant, and the time you are willing to devote to make that resolve happen. If your resolve is to get over your fear of public speaking, you need to evaluate your mental blocks, befriend your inner critic, time you are willing to devote to practice and get over the fear, the willingness to get a help from a coach who can assist you in making that resolve happen

5. Reinforcement – sustainable change rather than for a short time. The degree to which the change is meaningful (I’m making a difference), the absence of negative consequences, the ability to overcome hurdles along the journey and an accountability mechanism that creates an ongoing mechanism to reinforce the changes. The mindset above all to keep the change in place despite humps and setbacks along the way.

In an organizational context it is important for the managers and the leaders to recognize that all have talents, skills, and abilities. Question to ask in the process of any change is how do you apply the talents, abilities and resources you have. It is important to engage the team in a cause bigger than themselves, something they feel passionate about and one that makes them come alive. A true leader knows this, understand this and is able to provide this in an organization.

In any personal change, to commit to change ask yourself what is the trigger? Is it an adversity or a reward? What value are you creating for yourself and the people around you by resolving to change? In any change it is important to be aware of the value in it before you can make the change. Only then can you engage in the resolve with your heart, your brain and your guts.

The world is full of thinkers, dreamers and talkers. You can make a difference by making things happen because you believe you can.

What are your psychological blocks?

What are your reinforcements?

What are your triggers

Are you committed to change?

 “If you really desire something, the whole universe will conspire to help you.” ― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist. I would add if you desire something and commit to that desire nothing can stop you. You will make The Resolve happen.

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Is “MOTIVATION” a Scam ?

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Who Is Awesome ?YOU ARE

Who’s Awesome ?
YOU ARE
PHOTO : LALITA RAMAN

 

One of my friends takes every chance to state on Twitter, in his daily conversations and probably in his own thoughts that, “Motivation Is A Scam.”

You have had a tough day at work, you come home hoping to unwind and relax. However, your daughter who was slightly unwell develops high fever and you end up spending the entire night at the hospital. You have to go to work the next day since you are trying to finalize on some important deals and meet some deadlines. You are not in the best framework but still manage to get through your deadlines when half way through the day you are told you miss the deal. What drives you up the wall is that the reason you lost the deal was absolutely silly. You are at your lowest and your state of mind is such that it is reeling in negative thoughts. You have been through a series of such bad patches and you force yourself to get out of this negative vicious circle.

You know what it is like continuing to be there and you think back to your WHY and what you believe in ? What does this sound like, to you ?

“Motivation is the psychological feature that arouses an organism to action toward a desired goal and elicits, controls, and sustains certain goal directed behaviors. It can be considered a driving force; a psychological drive that compels or reinforces an action toward a desired goal. For example, hunger is a =motivation that elicits a desire to eat. Motivation has been shown to have roots in physiological, behavioral, cognitive, and social areas.”

More often than not motivation is telling yourself that a greater reward is awaiting if you continue to believe in your “Why”. Most of us believe that our feelings cause our behavior. However, research indicates that feelings often follow our behavioral choices which follows our thoughts. So if we choose to get out of negative thoughts we can control our behavior too. For all this to happen there needs to be a reason for each of us to do so and this reason is Motivation. Not surprising that one of the most popular themes on the Internet is on personal development and growth. However, the tips and articles can only be inspiring and useful if you decide to change and have the inclination to do so.

Motivation will remain a scam if the burning desire to change or do something meaningful is lacking within you.

We can control our behaviors by controlling the words we speak to ourselves and thoughts that we engage in. I find that if I use words and thoughts that engage, challenge, encourage and empower, I am able to move forward. Non-stop exposure to negativity by way of words, thoughts or company we are in disrupts our memory, attention, and judgment. When we speak to ourselves and others, words that express confidence, faith, and hope without sacrificing the truth helps to inspire others and yourself. Try it.

When does motivation become a scam?

  • If you start to sell trash in the name of inspiring others.
  • If you don’t live your words
  • If you aren’t engaging with people in real discussions
  • If you think you know it all and stop listening to others
  • If you aren’t helping someone who is struggling with being stuck in a negative vicious circle.

Life is about living and each of us go through our share of struggles in life. Our inner self has to be the biggest motivator and in moments when we struggle we take aid from friends, family and true inspiring stories. My biggest motivation and learning is from real life stories and how some people despite all odds get what they aimed for. An example in the attached you tube.

Coming back to this friend of mine, despite his continued belief, he is doing an inspiring and motivational show !

Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy. 
Norman Vincent Peale 

 

 

“The Silence” – 5 Do’s and Dont’s

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Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in life has purpose. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

How many times have you wished silence from a person sitting opposite you or in a meeting room ?

How many times have you been in an awkward moment when you realized that you should have kept silent after spitting out words in anger?

 In Silence it is important to listen and it is a communication skill in that one needs to know when not to talk or interrupt.

  1. In sales pitches, the inability to remain silent can cost the deal and many times the client relationship. Have you and your team members who are presenting to the client given an opportunity to the client to speak? Have you listened what they need?  A good sales person listens far more than they talk.
  2. You call on your friend to share a difficulty that you are going through. When you meet this friend, he starts talking about his day and how he would have handled or has handled difficulties in his life. He has barely heard you, leave alone listen. You sit there listening to his nonstop babble, when all you wanted him to do was listen – Listen silently without interruptions or judgment. Many times in life all we need is to vent out what we are going through and a person to listen.  There is a time for silence, time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over.
  3. Most of us have met this person who endlessly brags about their deal striking ability or the number of places they have been or the people whom they have met. A lot of this happens without context and some of these nonstop banter may endanger the privy of confidential data.
  4. Being extremely negative about competition just to get your company to win the bid. Many times these conversations take place over a drink or dinner and damages the reputation of the company and the person.
  5. Dropping names just to show how influential you are.

There is a time and place for everything and silence in all the above situations is appropriate and necessary. It is better to use the art of silence rather than blurting out on an impulse, just to say something.

Nothing strengthens authority so much as silence – Leonardo Da Vinci

 Is Silence good or warranted in all situations ? No, absolutely not.

  1.  Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. You are the lonely one who can be the lead in your life.
  2. Never be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering, violence in any form and humiliation. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented and being neutral and silent is not the solution. The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people but the silence over that by the good people. Martin Luther King Jr.
  3. Never be silent when you are aware about acts of wrong doing within a company or in any other day-to-day situations.
  4. Never be silent in situations where silence may mean acceptance or consent or grant of approval.
  5. Do not be silent in the face of misunderstandings.

Silence is about mastering the art of timing. During public speaking, silence is good for the audience to think, for you to create emphasis around a new idea that you may be presenting.  Even on Social Media, you need to know that not everything needs to be shared and there is no necessity to have an opinion on every single matter or a status update on whether you are thinking, swimming, having dinner or wish to talk or doing many other things. If you need to express all of that, best to journal it or talk to yourself.

Silence is one of the great arts of communication as long as you know when and where.

It is tact that is golden, not silence. Samuel Butler

Which word or set of words will you choose to use every time you speak?

Do you need to speak every time you have an urge to say something?

Please refer my blog post on Power Of Listening – Shut Up and Listen Will Ya ?

Images : Lalita Raman

5 Strategies To Get Out of Your “COMFORT ZONE”

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“The soul should always stand ajar, ready to welcome the ecstatic experience.”  Emily Dickinson

We all like our comfort zones.  It feels cozy, and we feel we are in cruise control.  Comfort zones however lull us into believing that the fear we feel to try something new is justified and acceptable. However, being in the comfort zone leads you to stop growing and learning. No matter who you are, you cannot stop learning and to learn you need to get out of your comfort zone. You may have heard your friends or colleagues who have the fear of public speaking or doing bungee jumping or swimming or even hiking a steep hill.

Common statements you hear from this fear are :

“I’m no good at public speaking”.

“I hate public speaking.”

“I’m scared of heights.”

“You are too good at this, there is no way I can make such good presentations”.

Most of these are, more often than not, self-limiting beliefs.  I agree each of our talents are different but unless you try how would you know if you are good at it or not?

What are you limiting by being within your comfort zone?

For the FULL POST CLICK THIS LINK

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The Power Of “MINDFULNESS”

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You must have had manic days where you have no time to drink water or take a deep breadth, when you have a million things to do and yet get pulled in different directions.  Some of the moments on these days can be those of elation, anger, sadness, exasperation, exuberance and sheer exhaustion.

Life throws many a challenge and it is entirely up to each of us on the choices we make. In today’s rat race, we forget many times that success linked to external factors creates a vacuum and our soul is restless.

With all the pressures we face in our day-to-day lives, we find it difficult to find the right equilibrium between our short-term financial goals and long-term calling.  Many of us become human doers rather than a human being.

Many of you have heard of mindfulness and probably practice it.  What is mindfulness? Is there some magic formula? Does one have to attain the state of nirvana? Is it about sitting in meditation on a daily basis?

Key to mindfulness is be aware and conscious of what you are doing and give your fullest to that moment in heart and soul.  If you can stay grounded and authentic, face new challenges daringly and with humility and be at peace with the present, that is mindfulness.

10 Keys To Mindfulness

  1. Is it just about sitting in a corner and meditating I think not. It is anything you choose to do with clarity and a deeper understanding. It is about being present in whatever you are doing and being aware of your presence and ways every action of yours would impact others.
  2. Being conscious of your values no matter what you do, you lead with your values and from your inner self.
  3. Are you giving the attention of your time ? Give your full focus in whatever you are doing be it working out, having a dialogue with somebody, or listening to someone.  Staying focused without allowing your thoughts to wander.
  4. What is my inner talk ? to journal and reflect on one’s day while walking or hiking or even whilst just being, enables clarity.
  5. Am I whole-hearted about in every thing I do? being involved in mind, body and soul in whatever we are engaged in at that moment in time? The ability to give our whole and undivided attention to those that I care about.
  6. Can I go on a journey inside ? Ability to be silent and quiet in the frenetic lives that most of us lead. To be comfortable with the silence within you where there is serenity and nothing awkward or nothing to fight or argue about. A place where your mind is at rest and you are comfortable with the silence and the solitude and one that gives you clarity and peace.
  7. Am I Being in the now to me this does not mean forgetting the past. I look at it as using experiences in the past and leveraging on the strength that it has given me to deal with the now. We are what we are today as a result of our life experiences and we should take a leaf of every experience that has made us who we are today and leverage of it to deal with what life has to offer us.
  8. Am I planting a seed for my future  every moment is a choice and each of these choices paves the next moment and several such moments in our journey of life.
  9. Am I human ? In that I am grateful for what I have, gratuitous to others, realistically optimistic, not do unto others what I would not to self
  10. Am I courageous and willing to try? Belief in self and not have the inner critique and fears pull me down.

Various studies and research have shown that mindfulness meditation significantly improves the effects on brain and immune function. It has positive effects on physical health, emotional control, sleep control, coping styles, anxiety and concentration.

Research and studies have also shown that we’re often happiest when we’re lost in “The Moment”. The more we allow our mind to wander and control us the more lost we are and chances of being less happy.

There is always peace and serenity within us and it is only a matter of finding it in our solace.

References

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Why Say “Thank You”

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Thanksgiving Day is a national holiday celebrated primarily in the United States and Canada. Several other places around the world observe similar celebrations. It is celebrated on the fourth Thursday of November in the United States and on the second Monday of October in Canada. Thanksgiving has its historical roots in religious traditions, but today is celebrated in a more secular manner.
 
The purpose of Thanksgiving is to reflect on everything that we have to be thankful for, be it health, family, food, friends, material possessions, overall happiness and success.

Do we need to Thank only on Thanksgiving Day or make that a part and parcel of our daily life ? I think this day serves as a good reminder that “thankfulness” and “appreciation” are important behaviors that need to be fostered as part of our day-to-day life.

“God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say “thank you?” William Arthur Ward
Thank you is the two most important words that each of us should never forget to use. Saying Thank you from the heart and with sincerity to another makes a world of difference. It is an expression of sense of gratitude, an acknowledgement, a recognition of someone’s worthwhile contributions, a sense of motivation and encouragement for the receiver.
 
Why Say Thank you ?
 
  1. Feeling grateful and expressing gratitude Even on the most down days, we need to learn to make Thank you a part of our day. Saying Thank You for our meals, for another day that has dawned on us, for our hands, eyes, feet, legs, and every part of our body.  Every little thing matters and having a sense of gratitude that life has offered each of us allows us to fill our life with love and appreciation.
  2. A sense of motivation within an organization – it is a simple and elegant form of recognizing somebody within an organization for their effort and contribution.
  3. Not having something – I’m very accident prone and every time I hurt my toe or finger or elbow, I realize the importance of each and every toe in my feet or the relevant body part. When everything is fine and functioning one tends to take the use of each part of our body for granted. However mishaps and accidents are gentle reminders of how important each part of our body is.
  4. Saying a sincere thank you helps us to become congruent. Congruence between our values, ethics and what we say, do and how we live. Don’t block the feeling to be sincere and shower the praise or gratitude or appreciation on some one else.
  5. What we focus grows – many cultures especially in Asia probably don’t grow up with saying Thank you especially amongst near and dear family and friends. However, the more we practice, the more we feel grateful for, and that means we focus more on things we are grateful for. It forces us not to take things and people around us for granted.
  6. Fill your world with love – being grateful helps us to fill our lives and those around us with love and make the other person know they matter. We remind ourselves by the act of Thank You that every thing matters in our life.
  7. Because It Matters –  it matters to you, it matters to those around you. Spread the love peace and gratitude.
I would like to share with you, one of my favorite Thank you songs  
 

Thank you for taking the time to read this blog and sharing it. Please share your perspective on “Thank you” in the comments section below. Thank you.

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Four Little Known Personality Traits That Could Affect Your Relationships

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Picture a scenario in a playground or in a jail where a large bulky kid beats up a small kid or a large honcho in a jail victimizes a relatively weak soul. Most of us can easily associate with this character, called The Bully

Bullies are one we either witness as a child or one some of us may have been victimized by.

In organizations as well we do face bullies but the behavior is not in the form of beating up somebody physically.

The Karpman Triangle describes some habitual roles or positions that people tend to take up in a negative situation or while in conflict. This model suggests that each of us display unconsciously motivated behavioral patterns with the people whom we are in contact with.  There is an unconscious belief/s that drives our behaviors or actions which causes or contributes to evoke a feeling.  This feeling augments beliefs or perceptions about ourselves and others and how we fit in and how we are treated.   Most of these beliefs or perceptions are negative.   The model posts three habitual psychological roles. But research by some of the Coaching Institutes have added a fourth behavior.

The three roles are : Bully, Victim, Rescuer and the Fourth one being Seducer. How do you recognize people who display traits of each of the 4 categories,

Each of us at various times do play some of these roles depending on the situation but the concern is when the drama traits become a dominant factor.

As Coaches, we do meet clients who may display some of these traits on a dominant basis.

Insecurity, feeling unwanted expressed in ways of helplessness or acting very busy or acting as if they are the most important are traits which need to be addressed. 

For the Full Post Please Click the Link 

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