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10 “Choice” Secrets That Each Of You should Know

19 August 2012 By Lalita Raman 1 Comment

On April 26, 2003, Ralston, a 27-year-old mountaineer set out on a day of adventure in remote southeast Utah, alone and without telling anyone where he had gone.

“I dislodge – I pull – a large, like, 800-pound rock loose, that falls with me and eventually traps my right hand against the canyon wall.

He had only a liter of water, and no jacket. “I didn’t have plans to be out overnight,” he said.

But he was out overnight – five nights in all – 127 hours between a rock and a hard place

Ralston says it wasn’t long before he realized he faced an almost unfathomable choice.

“It was a conversation I had out loud with myself. You’re gonna have to cut your arm off, Aron. ‘I don’t want to cut my arm off.’ Dude, you’re gonna have to cut your arm off,” he said. “I said that to myself out loud in the canyon.”  Link

Aron Ralston had to make the Choice to amputate his right hand in order to survive a mountaineering ordeal.

Each of us make a choice every second or fraction thereof, be it, to wake up at a specific time, to eat breakfast, to drive or take public transport, to take medication or not when we are sick and the list goes on.

Choice, be it trivial or life altering, and a choice whether it is in the affirmative or negative or not making one at all, is an integral part of our life.

To be able to choose, we must evaluate all available options and select one for the greater good especially in those that touches and affects the lives of others.

The prefrontal cortex (PFC) located in the front part of the brain just behind the forehead acts as the brain’s command center. It is this part of the brain that allows us to choose rationally, to plan ahead, develop strategies, and also to adjust actions or reactions depending on situations. The PFC improves with age and process of growth and development continues well past adolescence. It enables us to focus our thoughts,  thinking whilst learning or analyzing different concepts or activities including complex ones.

Many times the desire of choice is so strong that it could interfere with one’s ability to determine the best option possible out of all those presented. A perfect example is a retail binge which we yield to in that impulsive moment when we see something spectacular, though if we had exercised the power of choice, we may have decided to wait till later.

Today, we have many choices to live our life contrary to two or three decades back. The desire to choose is natural and one that is required for survival.  But do we exercise our choice properly and what happens to those who are denied the choice of basic rights ?

Sheena Iyengar in her Book “The Art Of Choosing” (a must read) explains that humans voluntarily create and follow systems that restrict some of our individual choices to benefit the greater good.  We all face situations in our lives may be at work or in day-to-day where things happen beyond our control.  She refers to several studies that have found that stress increases when one works in circumstances where they had less control or brain perceives that they have less control than what they expected.  But in addition to the stressors at work , we suffer from the daily grind that is beyond our control  be it the pollution, traffic jams, delayed public transport leading to frustration and health issues.

However, we have the ability to create choice by altering our interpretations of what is around us. We have the choice to determine how we behave in challenging and less comfortable situations and it is this that distinguishes each of us.

I have been inspired by her book to write this post. She has also done a Ted talk on the same topic.

So how can we exercise our conscious choice for betterment of “You” and the world at large. Choose to

  1. Be positive – life is not a bed of roses. Roses grow with thorns and life will throw challenges which may throw you off the cliff, but a negative attitude makes it worse. Choose to be a realist but be positive.
  2. Be You  – look at a child. You see authenticity, spontaneity and children just love being who they are.  Always make it a point to be you and Choose You without hypocrisy.
  3. Be kind – You would like to be showered with kindness and that goes for each soul in this world.  Pass on the kindness. Surprise yourself and others by a random act of kindness.
  4. Be happy – there is no Vitamin to be happy but “being one.” You control your happiness by the choices you make, don’t make or not choosing at all.
  5. Be helpful – don’t walk away and turn your face to someone in needed of help.
  6. Be appreciative of your life, people you have around you, and every little thing that matters. The fact that you wake up to a new dawn which may have been denied to someone else is one to be thankful for.
  7. Be Committed – Actions give power to your words, stay true to your word and the responsibilities that you have chosen.
  8. Be responsible for your 2*2 space, for protecting the environment, for spreading the right values and for leaving the world a better place than when you came in.
  9. Be Mindful – no matter who you are or what you are be human first and be mindful of what you do, speak and act.   Remember that, “be who you want someone else to be”, make your deeds worthy of being emulated by others.
  10. Not give up – know when to walk away and when not to give up. In fulfilling your dreams don’t squash someone else’s dreams.

No matter what our background or differences it is the choices that connect us.  Choice could be something as simple as to Smile.

 Every choice you make has an end result – Zig Ziglar.

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Filed Under: Habits, Leadership & Personal Development, Life Tagged With: 127 Hours, Aron Ralston, brain, choices, Leadership. lead from within, positive, prefrontal cortex, Sheena Iyengar, The Art of Choosing

Top 5 Reasons to Show Gratitude

15 July 2012 By Lalita Raman 4 Comments

Early this week I got chatting with one of my friends on Twitter ( @SusanMarie_NY).  The discussion started off on a quote by Bruce Lee and somewhere along the way we started discussing the quote by Aldous Huxley “Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted.”

She mentioned about a day when she was feeling miserable waiting at the dentist for her turn and then her attention was suddenly caught by 5 children in wheelchairs being brought in by a school. She was thunderstruck that they were all so happy though they could not walk……

When you come across such meetings in life, don’t things automatically fall in perspective and you realize that we take many things for granted.

More often than not, many of us tend to moan about not having a good dress to wear for a party or not having enough time to be on Social Media or not liking the food since it quite didn’t match our expectation. But when we do so, have we ever asked ourselves what about those who wear torn clothes or have no clothes to wear or those who are fighting for life and or are in a vegetative state or those who have no food to eat.

When I travel, I learn not only about the city, the people, the culture but also realize how lucky I’m in many ways in the city I live in terms of the facilities and efficiency and remind myself I should stop complaining about the city I live in.

Gratitude, an act which we ever so often forget but need to keep it as part of our daily lives. Why Show Gratitude to people around us, things we have, people who care for us and many more..

1. Happiness – a heartfelt gratitude is pleasing to the soul. It reminds us of the positive things we have in our life.

2. Reminder – Many of us complain about Monday morning but have we ever thought there may be many who may not be seeing the Monday dawn. We complain about how stressful work is but what about those who have no work and struggling to find work to earn income. As I continued the conversation with my friend on Twitter, she mentioned something which brought tears to my eyes and I quote “When I begin to take things for granted, “I look at my arms and legs. I am serious.”

3. Peace  – when we pay gratitude to the little things – each day that dawns on us, our eyes, ears, nose, feet, legs, hands, we surround ourselves with peace. If you are at peace with yourself you will find serenity and peace at the world around you.

4. Stronger – life to any of us is never a bed of roses.  We face challenges, and some of these challenges could be nerve wrecking.  But if we allow oneself to step back and think how strong we became from the last daunting task, we will be thankful.  Let’s try to take every trial in life as an opportunity to get strong and be thankful that it makes us stronger.

5. Thank you – there is a God in each of us. Most of us believe in a higher power or God but have you ever realized that God could be in the form of a complete stranger who has helped you by holding the door open for you when your hands are full with loads of bags or someone who has pulled you back from getting knocked over by a vehicle whilst you were walking lost in your thoughts. Each of us have people in the form of parents, brothers, sisters, friends, acquaintances, spouse who care for us, support us and help us. A big Thank you to people who care goes a long way in making their day and makes you feel good.  On Twitter, many of us follow others and vice versa and we strike a relationship with many of them. They become friends and some of them we probably have not met to date in real life. Many of them take time from their day to connect, retweet your posts or some part of your time line and yet I find many who on account of the several followers don’t even bother to acknowledge. You don’t lose anything with a Thank you or a smile as a form of gratitude.

Life has its strange twists and turns but let’s not forget the simple Thank you, Sorry and other forms of gratitude. Make sure when you show gratitude, let it be from within and from your heart.

I know I often complain and moan about how hard my day is or when I have aches and pains but when I see people who are possibly worse than me and still smiling and take life with a positive attitude, I remind myself to smile and look up at what I’ve got in life.

Charity begins at home and let’s start with those who make a difference in our lives each day, who care for us by thanking them

“It is easy to love the people far away. It is not always easy to love those close to us. It is easier to give a cup of rice to relieve hunger than to relieve the loneliness and pain of someone unloved in our own home. Bring love into your home for this is where our love for each other must start” – Mother Teresa

Do you have any experiences of gratitude that you would like to share?

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Filed Under: Habits, Leadership & Personal Development Tagged With: be a leader, children, God, Gratitude, habits, lead from within, Leadership, peace, Social Media, thank you, Twitter

Commitment : Top 15 Questions You Need to Ask Yourself

28 June 2012 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

“What we speak becomes the house we live in.”-Hafez.

Remember you are only as good as your word and actions that match your word. Failing to keep your commitments is an indication that you don’t care about your vision, or word, your client, their time, and the outcomes.

Questions you need to ask yourself when your actions are not in sync with your word are:

  1. Do you have a clear goal and vision
  2. Are you trying to pursue one too many goals or things to do at the same time
  3. Are you trying to get some brownie points by agreeing to do something but have no real intention of doing it
  4. Are you trying to avoid a situation of open communication and dealing with the situation
  5. Have you prioritized your goals or list of activities…..?

For the Full Post, please click on the following link

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Filed Under: Character, Coaching, Habits, Integrity, Leadership & Personal Development Tagged With: be the one, Coach, coaching, Commitment, Communication, Improvement, lead from within, Leadership, walk the talk

Change – The Process And 4 Essentials

20 June 2012 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

Change is an integral part of our life. Our physical body undergoes change every day, our cells undergoes change and the very process of growing up from the time we are born to where we are today is Change. The environment around us is changing all the time. Some changes are within our control and yet others not so. There are yet other changes which we need to make consciously – the ability to be present and move between reflection and action. It is our ability to establish and maintain the appropriate attitudes and behaviors in both our professional and personal lives, that are conducive to goal setting, achievement and constructive feedback.

What is involved in the process of change

A Reason to change; A Desire to change; A Commitment to change; A Way to change; The Support for change

If your change goal was to lose weight, the reason to lose weight might be health reasons, desire is to feel and look healthy and lead your life more effectively, Commitment comes from a reward – reward in losing weight for you might be to participate in a triathlon which you have been putting off due to health issues, a way to would be to improve your fitness regime and restructure your dietary habits.

What are essentials to change

1. Action 2. Social Circle 3. Mindset 4. Doing

Click on the following Link for the Full Article

What have been some of the changes in your life which you worked towards and made it happen. Please share in the comments section below.  Thank you

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Filed Under: Coaching, Habits, Leadership & Personal Development Tagged With: be a leader, Change, coaching, Executive Coach, habits, interference, Leadership. lead from within, obstacles, performance, potential, Tim Gallwey

Multitasking – 3 Reasons Why You Should Stop and 6 Steps On How To

17 June 2012 By Lalita Raman 1 Comment

Most of us pride ourselves in multitasking. The more I think about multitasking, the more I feel that I probably don’t do full justice to any of the tasks at hand. Multitasking, I think possibly arises from distraction. The craze of Social Media, with the likes of Twitter, G+, Facebook, multiple chats (a friend of mine has possibly 35-40 chats going on at the same time …) has amplified our distraction. A study by Clifford Nass et al. at Stanford showed that heavy media multi-taskers are more susceptible to interference from irrelevant environmental stimuli and from irrelevant representations in memory.

Many of us at work read emails and try to respond to them while having a call with a client or a colleague or may be even during conference calls. Surely full focus and attention cannot be given to both these tasks. Why do otherwise intelligent people find it so easy to be distracted from what really matters? Why do we not give attention to the task at hand be it writing a blog, conceptual thinking with regard to one’s business or work or giving our undivided attention to someone who is talking.

In today’s world it is essential to be multi-skilled and multifaceted and the ability to switch effortlessly and effectively between various tasks is imperative.  But that is not multitasking. Having said that, let’s look at why we should not multi-task.

1.Research offers neurological evidence that the brain cannot effectively do two things at once -Rene Marois, PhD, Department of Psychology, Vanderbilt University

2.Effort and results are not linearly proportional.  In fact the Pareto Principle or the 80/20 rule means that in anything a few (20%) are vital and many(80%) are trivial. You can apply the 80/20 Rule to almost anything, from the science of management to the physical world.

One of my friends, who is a professor in a university, often, asks of his students to push their hands against something heavy and simultaneously solve math problems. In order to solve the simple math problem, the focus on pushing their hands against the heavy weight automatically reduces when compared to doing that activity on its own.  He asks them to engage in this activity to prove that multitasking deters productivity.

3.Performance suffers if you attempt two or more tasks that require the same brain functions. Most of us would be comfortable probably reading newspaper and listening to light music in the background.  However trying to be an active participant in a conference call and responding to emails simultaneously may not achieve optimal results in either because we use the same cognitive functions of the brain.

“There is time enough for everything in the course of the day, if you do but one thing at once, but there is not time enough in the year, if you will do two things at a time”  Lord Chesterfield, in a letter to his son in the 1740s.

Malcolm Gladwell in his book, “The Outliers : The Story of Success”, goes into depth about how all of the geniuses had worked 10,000 hours or more on their area of specialty before they became well-known. You will not be able work for so long unless and until you give full attention. All those who have achieved success credit it to practice and attention.  To Quote Isaac Newton-“If I have ever made any valuable discoveries, it has been due more to patient attention, than to any other talent.”

So how do we get away from these distractions or so-called multitasking:

1. To do list – Take a few minutes every day  either at the end of the day before you go to bed or at the beginning of the day to outline and write down the two or three most important things you want to accomplish tomorrow or on the day and the time by which you would like to achieve them.

2. Set a timer every hour. Pause and note all the tasks you are doing at that moment. Ask yourself: Am I doing what I most need to do right now?, Am I on track to complete my 2-3 most important tasks that I had enlisted.  How many times in each hour have I walked away from the original activity and checked emails, social media, and fallen prey to digital device distractions.

3. Mindfulness self-training – being aware of the current moment and emphasizing keeping one’s focus on the present moment and reducing distractions.  Systematically training your attention for e.g. Meditation or reading a good book and specifically assigning yourself some time each day to these activities will help improve your attention.

4. Life is short and you live once. Give your full attention to people, make them feel they matter. The best gift you can give to someone is your undivided attention.

5. Every time you get distracted or have an urge to do something else other than what you  originally set out to do, ask yourself is that the best use of my time? Do I really need to pay attention right now, to the activity that is distracting me?

6. Journaling – our mind wanders during the day since we probably have a million things to do, and achieve, which makes us agitated. Spending few hours a day writing your feelings, your emotions, things to do, ideas, frustrations helps to clear the mind and allows you to concentrate on those that deserves your utmost attention.

How has multitasking affected you, what steps have you taken to bring back your focus and attention? Please share in the comments section.

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Filed Under: Habits, Life, Social Media Tagged With: attention, be the one, Isaac Newton, lead from within, Leadership, Lord Chesterfield, meditation, mindfulness, multi-skilled, Multitasking, work, Yo Matter

7 Elements of Empathy

22 April 2012 By Lalita Raman 1 Comment

You have had a down and out day and the events of the day are still unfolding and the people you have come across during some of those vulnerable moments makes you feel that the world can be a punishing place. You feel unsafe to expose your feelings to others during some of those moments.

You almost feel you are falling apart, and you need your feelings to be met with love,  understanding and acceptance without judgement.

What are you looking for in such an impasse ?

Isn’t that Empathy?

Empathy is the ability of putting oneself into the mental shoes of another person to mirror connect and understand the emotions and feelings (joy or sadness)  experienced by that person at that moment in time.

Empathy involves 7 elements in my view

1. Emotional intelligence is the cognitive ability involving traits and social skills that facilitate interpersonal behavior. It involves understanding emotions including non verbal signals, body language and facial expressions. Responding appropriately to the emotions of others is key to facilitating insight.

2. Mindset – Staying human and having the right attitude to connect to another person at that moment when they need you the most.

3. Present – You are present and in the now.  It is not about the past or future but being aware about another person’s feeling at that moment.

4. Attention – Demonstrate your interest in the person through your body language, facial expression, and gestures to encourage someone to continue speaking. “Give whatever you are doing and whoever you are with the gift of your attention” ~Jim Rohn

5. To Listen – You listen to understand rather than respond.  Sometimes, in order to elicit more of a response from the other party, you need to pause and say nothing.

6. Help Encourage – Use supportive comments to get someone to continue to open up. Gestures like nodding your head, appropriate facial expressions, eye contact can accompany, “I see,” “Really,” or “Oh no” to provide the necessary encouragement for the person to continue to release the emotional turmoil they are going through.

7. You Recognize Feelings:  Feelings reveal critical aspects of what is important to a person.  Identifying an impasse by Saying, “I see that you are angry” or “I am sorry but something seems to be upsetting you,” are ways you can bring someone’s feelings out into the open.

In Summary, by empathizing you show that you care, you are listening and you are concerned of the other person’s ideas, feelings and how it has impacted the other’s perception.

Do you have any experiences to share or  views on what you think is Empathy?  Please feel free to comment. Thank you.

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Filed Under: Habits, Leadership & Personal Development, Relationships Tagged With: connect, Empathy, Feelings, Help, judgement, listen, Love, Perception, Silence

How To Listen – 7 Simple Tips

7 April 2012 By Lalita Raman 8 Comments

“You have to learn to listen and listen to learn” ~unknown

I was with a friend of mine, the other day, having a cup of coffee and when she asked me about my travel plans for the year, I started talking to her about some of my immediate travel plans. I suddenly realized she wasn’t paying attention. She was busy looking at her iPhone, typing away on Twitter. Though she kept an occasional eye contact with me, her mind was elsewhere. She was hearing but not listening.

We often face such situations in our daily life amongst friends, family and also at the work place in meetings and casual conversations.

One of the key elements of Communication  is to listen attentively so as to give expanding space for the talker’s expression and whenever possible validate the meaning conveyed by the talker. The act of not listening indicates a complete disinterest in and lack of focus in what the talker believes to be important.

Key in listening is “Give out what you most want to come back.”

 ― Robin S. Sharma, The Greatness Guide: Powerful Secrets for Getting to World Class 

As a follow-up to my earlier post on “The Art of Listening, following are some of the tips that I use to be an effective listener.

1. Body language – When I’m sitting across listening to a person, I must listen with not only my ears but also 

my eyes and heart.  It is important to listen not only to the words but also the tone of the voice.  This will enable us to listen to the Why and not just the What. Listening with the eyes by observing the body language of the talker and listening with the heart to feel and empathize with the talker is necessary to make the connection.  Till you listen to the emotions that the other party is displaying, you cannot empathize.

2. Listen to understand – most of us listen to respond rather than to understand. Any conversation should facilitate leaving more than enough space and time for the other party to think, feel, formulate ideas, elaborate and discover a complete expression of his or her concerns or point of view.

3. Paraphrase – this is one of my favorites. Paraphrasing helps to demonstrate that you have heard what was said and also indicates that you are interested.  Paraphrasing can be done by way of questions or statements, depending on the situation. I find asking questions such as ” would you mind clarifying what you mean by that” or ” what could be your next step” useful.  Some of these questions helps to create the trust and holding environment in that relationship.

4. Silence – Attentive welcoming vacuum or silence.  Listening is not all about complete silence but using the

latter to provide a larger receptacle for the talker to unload, model and remodel volunteered personal thoughts, feelings and motivations.  The latter works well not only in coaching and counseling sessions but also in any situation of emotional outbursts.

5. Listen without filters and judgement –  many times when we are in a conversation many of us meander

away in our own thoughts and go on a journey of our own experiences.  I can only understand if I listen attentively without filtering through an intellectual, conceptual, emotional, personal, technical framework.

6. Listening and Looking – Making an eye contact is an integral part of any conversation.  There is absolutely

no point in engaging someone in a conversation if you are not going to be present both physically and mentally.  I have seen many people, instead of making an eye contact during a conversation, scanning the surroundings or the room to determine if they know someone else. The kind of attitude displayed during a conversation is again a key element of listening.

 7. Email communication – you may be wondering what has email got to do with listening. Have you been in situations where you have sent an email to someone and have been waiting for a response. In today’s world where communication has taken so many forms, I believe that for any relevant email that each of us receive, it is a courtesy to reply to that email immediately or at the bare minimum acknowledge, so that the sender knows that he or she has got your attention.

You don’t need to be leader to be an effective listener. Any human being who wants to be listened to will give another the same chance.

Would you like to add any other points to How To Listen Effectively. Please share in the Comments Section below. Thank you.

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Filed Under: Habits, Leadership & Personal Development Tagged With: coaching, friend, Human, iPhone, judgement, listen, Robin Sharma, Social Media. leader, Twitter

Twelve Ways to Inspire Yourself When You Are Feeling Down & Out

10 March 2012 By Lalita Raman 1 Comment

“None but ourselves can free our minds.” ― Bob Marley

In our life today we face an enduring issue of one too many negative things and few positives. Right from newspapers, TV and other forms of media be it political, economic, or social there is a lot of negative incidents, news, events, mishaps. On top of this if you are having an out of sorts day, it is difficult to keep the positive momentum because we could be so imprisoned by our state of mind, that we forget to step back and look at things with a fresh perspective.

There is a confusion of values among the youth which is aggravated by the wrong portrayal of fame and success that mass media and social media often tend to reflect. There seems to be an  increasing number of people who are beginning to feel negative in their outlook.

I met a woman entrepreneur the other day who seemed dejected and felt that she was being attacked by stress and negative emotions.  When she told me her story, the positive takeaways for me were that she had determination, passion and love for what she did and had managed to grow her revenues by 20% and most important she had touched the hearts of many a tourist and child through her works of art.

This woman runs her own business of arts and crafts and supplies to museums, souvenir shops, gift shops and several private establishments. Today she is at a stage where she wants to expand and grow and is making efforts to achieve that. But she is overwhelmed by her negative thoughts, apprehensions and feels her life is out of control.

She is however not alone.   In reality, she may just be a cynic and not a negative personality. But the forlornness of the big cities, where youngsters follow their dreams and passion becomes the breeding ground for negativism and depression to flourish.

Statements like I’m no good at writing, or I am a born loser or I can never get any job done on time are self-fulfilling and ultimately strangle the personality they feed on.

We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think.  The amygdala is most commonly associated with our emotions of fear and anxiety.  Negative thoughts trigger  electro-chemicals in our brains which in turn triggers our decisions and behavior. The more we keep getting such negative thoughts, the more our brain keeps getting hardwired to being receptive to such thoughts.

It is important to recognize these negative emotions but not allow them to control us. Here are 12 simple ways to break away from the Negative Emotional attractor

1. Reframe the Negative statements that you keep telling yourself. For e.g. Instead of saying I’m no good at writing, may be change your thought or statement to “I need to hone my writing skills and I’m working on it.”  I find positive self talk to be a great motivator.

2. Express gratitude. Make a conscious effort to do a kind deed.

3. Encourage someone. Make them realize that they matter and what they do matters.

4. Exercise – I find that exercise triggers the endorphins and releases the stress and flushes out the negative thoughts.

5. Focus on things within your control and things you are good at.  Feel good at doing those things first and then move on to new challenges.

6. Learn something new for which you have a passion for.

7. Talk to your dog, if you own a dog.. I find  dogs and puppies to be great stress busters. I feel a sense of joy, the moment I look at a cute dog picture or video.

8. Talking to a close friend or a family member or a Samaritan helps.  It’s imperative to have circle of positive friends who will inspire you.  “Tell me who your friends are and I will tell you what you are … As goes the American saying.

9. Keep milestones and measure your progress against them. Checking off against an achieved milestone can be one of the most rewarding acts to keep moving forward.

10. Read a book or some inspiring quotes. These days there are several Self Motivation posts on various blogs which definitely would be a Positive Emotional Attractor.

11. Chin up – good posture and a smile always helps.

12. Listen to music. Music is to the Soul what words are to the mind.  ” I think music in itself is healing. It’s an explosive expression of humanity. It’s something we are all touched by. No matter what culture we’re from, everyone loves music.” Billy Joel

Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you riding through the ruts, don’t complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don’t bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality. Wake Up and Live! Bob Marley

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Filed Under: Habits, Leadership & Personal Development, Life Tagged With: amygdala, art, Child, dog, emotions, exercise, inspire, Love, music, negative, passion, positive, posture, Woman

10 Things to Learn from Japan

4 April 2011 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

A lot more than 10 things to learn from Japan and her people. But these 10 things stands out and we indeed need to learn these awesome qualities that the world witnessed during one of the toughest times that Japan and her people went through.

I bow down to you, the people in Japan and pray for you.

1. THE CALM

Not a single visual of chest-beating or wild grief. Sorrow itself has been elevated.

2. THE DIGNITY
Disciplined queues for water and groceries. Not a rough word or a crude gesture.

3. THE ABILITY
Case in point being The incredible architecture – Buildings swayed but didn’t fall.

4. THE GRACE
People bought only what they required for the present, so everybody could get something. There were no signs of hoarding.

5. THE ORDER
No looting in shops. No honking and no overtaking on the roads. Just empathy.

6. THE SACRIFICE
Fifty workers stayed back to pump sea water in the N-reactors. How will they ever be repaid?

7. THE TENDERNESS
Restaurants cut prices. An unguarded ATM is left alone. The strong cared for the weak.

8. THE TRAINING

The old and the children, everyone knew exactly what to do and they translated that into action.

9. THE MEDIA

They showed magnificent restraint in the bulletins. No silly reporters. Only calm reportage.

10. THE CONSCIENCE
When the power went off in a store, people put things back on the shelves and left quietly




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Filed Under: Character, Habits Tagged With: Calm, Dignity, Grace, Japan, Order, Sacrifice

What’s in a Name

8 April 2010 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose. By any other name would smell as sweet.” W. Shakespeare.

Surely Shakespeare did not realize the confusion & hassle a name change would create among human beings! Why does a Woman have to change her surname after marriage when a marriage involves a man & a woman?
In some communities in India, the woman is required to change her first name as well after her marriage. Shocking!!

I find it strange that many women have no issues with a name change & the most common reason I have heard is that they don’t want to confuse the identity of their child/ren.

Is the surname the sole form of identity. Why can we not have birth certificate with the mother’s & father’s name. A child should be known by her or his name & not by the surname.

A School, which is a learning center, still follows this antiquated method of insisting on a surname. We are in the 21st century & why can we not think outside the box & do away with the unnecessary?

Does the surname really show a form of respect. Surely a woman can be addressed as Ms or Madam, in front of her first name, if one wants to address her with respect.

The following article from the Hindu eloquently brings out some issues with changes on surname, & use of middle name. Definitely worth a read.

http://beta.thehindu.com/opinion/open-page/article387414.ece

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Filed Under: Habits Tagged With: Marriage, Men, Name, The Hindu, Woman

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