Little Things That Matter

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The Zen of Conflict Leadership – 5 Keys to deal with Conflicts

14 October 2012 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

“The better able team members are to engage, speak, listen, hear, interpret, and respond constructively, the more likely their teams are to leverage conflict rather than be leveled by it” Runde and Flanagan

Conflict is not something many of us like to be in. Many situations of conflict create a feeling of fight or flight. It triggers a lot of negative emotions including anger, turmoil and a sense of threat.

But is conflict really that bad at all times ?

Is it possible to accept conflict as a learning process ?

Peace is not the absence of conflict but it is the ability to deal with Conflict by way of creative alternatives to respond to situations of conflict.

What is Conflict ? Conflict arises from differences of opinion. It arises when people disagree over values, ideas, perceptions or even when led by different motivations.

Conflicts cannot be avoided because no two people can agree on everything at all times.  A better way to resolve conflicts is not to avoid it or runaway from it but deal with it in a constructive and positive manner.  Confidence comes from knowing that you have the skills to communicate in a difficult situation, and you have the ability to diagnose the situation accurately as you choose the best strategy for the situation.

5 Keys to resolving or dealing with conflicts – please click the LINK  for DETAILS

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Filed Under: Leadership & Personal Development, Life Tagged With: Appreciation, coaching, conflict, emotional awareness, forgive and let go, lead from within, Leadership, peace, Plato.

What Makes You Come Alive?

30 September 2012 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

“The purpose of life is a life of purpose.” ― Robert Bryne

Life has a different meaning to each of us & in the many earth shattering moments that life presents us, some of us look for our calling. I believe that no matter how big or small, each of us, are driven by a purpose.

One of my friends had come to visit me a week back and we were catching up on family, events and life. She asked me how my parents were doing and I mentioned to her that my mom was not keeping too well. Her mom wasn’t keeping too well either. Each of us remarked that age adds its own share of twists and turns to life.

But then, I got thinking and told her, you know, what saddens me the most is that I feel that my mom has lost the drive, the sense of need to fight back. Of course her health has been challenging, but many times I feel she perhaps feels that she has lost the ‘Purpose’. My friend listening to my remark and my description of the various aspects of how my mom was, nodded in agreement.

Purpose in life is what leads us. This passion could be varied from bringing up children, serving and helping the needy, becoming one of the world’s richest entrepreneur, winning an Olympic medal, to looking after your family and home.

For each of us who are committed in doing what gives us joy, with sudden challenges like health issues, accidents or any other calamity, some of us feel cut off from our purpose. We feel there is no driving energy for our life.

My mom had a busy life and took joy in bringing up her two daughters, looking after her husband and her home. She made sure that the home was a temple filled with love, values and warmth. She worked hard for this and achieved this day in and day out. In the past few years on the advise of her doctor she is not allowed to do any household chores. May be, she feels that an important part of her life was taken away from her.

You may ask why don’t I ask her or talk to her. I have and continue to do so. She of course denies but I just sense a feeling of loss from her eye expressions and I feel sad.

We all live for a purpose and despite what life throws at us, somehow we need to get ourselves to change course without losing hope and momentum.  This is something that has to come from within. Hope is not something we can deny ourselves nor others. I don’t believe in giving false hope. You need to face reality but you should not lose enthusiasm nor lose the drive.

I constantly derive a lot of inspiration from my parents, my sister and from the various life stories of people that I meet or read or hear about.

One person who comes to my mind is Christopher Reeve.  Despite his paralysis, Reeve was determined to be financially self-sufficient. Less than a year after his injury, Reeve began to accept invitations for speaking engagements. He through his actions showed each of us that there can be life even after a serious injury and one should never give up.

Purpose in life is something each of us can associate with but sometimes we have to change paths to achieve our dreams or vision.

“There is a fire inside, Sit down beside it. Watch the flames, the ancient, flickering dance of yourself.” John MacEnulty

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Filed Under: Emotions, Life Tagged With: Christopher Reeve, dreams, hope, lead from within, life, Love, mom, passion, purpose, Values.

Colors : The Essence of A Happier Life

2 September 2012 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

Nature has her own hues & tints her own shades of colors during the day, day-to-day and season to season. Our days are controlled by our feelings, our thoughts, emotions and our behaviors as an action or reaction. Thus a day can go through a multitude of shades and intonations with each passing moment and can consist of different colors.

Colors form an essence of life. For me, colors can brighten my otherwise dull or sombre day, it can add spruce to my day or just make it more lively. Bright Colors definitely uplift my mood. Each color is an expression of the various emotions that you may go through in a day. Though most of us may not have the time to express ourselves in different colors during the day, you may want to try this exercise of wearing a bright color or brightening your room with a bunch of colorful flowers and making a note of how you feel.

With my love for colors I want to share some of my favorite colors with photographs of nature that I have clicked either during hikes, or a walk whilst in my home city or whilst I’m traveling. Hope you like it and brightens up your day

Colors, like features, follow the changes of the emotions – Pablo Picasso

Any ground subtracts its own hue from the colors which it carries and therefore influences – Josef Albers

Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky – Rabindranath Tagore, Stray Birds

Music gives color to the air of the moment – Karl Lagerfeld

Mere color, unspoiled by meaning, and unallied with definite form, can speak to the soul in a thousand different ways – Oscar Wilde

The purest and most thoughtful minds are those which love color the most -John Ruskin

Each day has a color, a smell – Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni, The Mistress of Spices

White is not a mere absence of color; it is a shining and affirmative thing, as fierce as red, as definite as black.  G.K. Chesterton

We all should know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their color – Maya Angelou

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Filed Under: Emotions, Environment and Nature, Life Tagged With: Brighten, Colors, G.K. Chesterton, Maya Angelou, Nature. Essence, Oscar Wilde, Pablo Picasso, Rabindranath Tagore

10 “Choice” Secrets That Each Of You should Know

19 August 2012 By Lalita Raman 1 Comment

On April 26, 2003, Ralston, a 27-year-old mountaineer set out on a day of adventure in remote southeast Utah, alone and without telling anyone where he had gone.

“I dislodge – I pull – a large, like, 800-pound rock loose, that falls with me and eventually traps my right hand against the canyon wall.

He had only a liter of water, and no jacket. “I didn’t have plans to be out overnight,” he said.

But he was out overnight – five nights in all – 127 hours between a rock and a hard place

Ralston says it wasn’t long before he realized he faced an almost unfathomable choice.

“It was a conversation I had out loud with myself. You’re gonna have to cut your arm off, Aron. ‘I don’t want to cut my arm off.’ Dude, you’re gonna have to cut your arm off,” he said. “I said that to myself out loud in the canyon.”  Link

Aron Ralston had to make the Choice to amputate his right hand in order to survive a mountaineering ordeal.

Each of us make a choice every second or fraction thereof, be it, to wake up at a specific time, to eat breakfast, to drive or take public transport, to take medication or not when we are sick and the list goes on.

Choice, be it trivial or life altering, and a choice whether it is in the affirmative or negative or not making one at all, is an integral part of our life.

To be able to choose, we must evaluate all available options and select one for the greater good especially in those that touches and affects the lives of others.

The prefrontal cortex (PFC) located in the front part of the brain just behind the forehead acts as the brain’s command center. It is this part of the brain that allows us to choose rationally, to plan ahead, develop strategies, and also to adjust actions or reactions depending on situations. The PFC improves with age and process of growth and development continues well past adolescence. It enables us to focus our thoughts,  thinking whilst learning or analyzing different concepts or activities including complex ones.

Many times the desire of choice is so strong that it could interfere with one’s ability to determine the best option possible out of all those presented. A perfect example is a retail binge which we yield to in that impulsive moment when we see something spectacular, though if we had exercised the power of choice, we may have decided to wait till later.

Today, we have many choices to live our life contrary to two or three decades back. The desire to choose is natural and one that is required for survival.  But do we exercise our choice properly and what happens to those who are denied the choice of basic rights ?

Sheena Iyengar in her Book “The Art Of Choosing” (a must read) explains that humans voluntarily create and follow systems that restrict some of our individual choices to benefit the greater good.  We all face situations in our lives may be at work or in day-to-day where things happen beyond our control.  She refers to several studies that have found that stress increases when one works in circumstances where they had less control or brain perceives that they have less control than what they expected.  But in addition to the stressors at work , we suffer from the daily grind that is beyond our control  be it the pollution, traffic jams, delayed public transport leading to frustration and health issues.

However, we have the ability to create choice by altering our interpretations of what is around us. We have the choice to determine how we behave in challenging and less comfortable situations and it is this that distinguishes each of us.

I have been inspired by her book to write this post. She has also done a Ted talk on the same topic.

So how can we exercise our conscious choice for betterment of “You” and the world at large. Choose to

  1. Be positive – life is not a bed of roses. Roses grow with thorns and life will throw challenges which may throw you off the cliff, but a negative attitude makes it worse. Choose to be a realist but be positive.
  2. Be You  – look at a child. You see authenticity, spontaneity and children just love being who they are.  Always make it a point to be you and Choose You without hypocrisy.
  3. Be kind – You would like to be showered with kindness and that goes for each soul in this world.  Pass on the kindness. Surprise yourself and others by a random act of kindness.
  4. Be happy – there is no Vitamin to be happy but “being one.” You control your happiness by the choices you make, don’t make or not choosing at all.
  5. Be helpful – don’t walk away and turn your face to someone in needed of help.
  6. Be appreciative of your life, people you have around you, and every little thing that matters. The fact that you wake up to a new dawn which may have been denied to someone else is one to be thankful for.
  7. Be Committed – Actions give power to your words, stay true to your word and the responsibilities that you have chosen.
  8. Be responsible for your 2*2 space, for protecting the environment, for spreading the right values and for leaving the world a better place than when you came in.
  9. Be Mindful – no matter who you are or what you are be human first and be mindful of what you do, speak and act.   Remember that, “be who you want someone else to be”, make your deeds worthy of being emulated by others.
  10. Not give up – know when to walk away and when not to give up. In fulfilling your dreams don’t squash someone else’s dreams.

No matter what our background or differences it is the choices that connect us.  Choice could be something as simple as to Smile.

 Every choice you make has an end result – Zig Ziglar.

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Filed Under: Habits, Leadership & Personal Development, Life Tagged With: 127 Hours, Aron Ralston, brain, choices, Leadership. lead from within, positive, prefrontal cortex, Sheena Iyengar, The Art of Choosing

How To Take Charge Of Your Personal Growth : 10 Essentials

6 August 2012 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

“We want a world where life is preserved, and the quality of life is enriched for everybody, not only for the privileged.” ~ Isabel Allende

Personal Growth is one which I find it difficult to define because it encompasses a lot of things. When we are born, most of us are given a suitcase full of standards, acceptable behavior, things to learn,values & a whole load of do’s and don’ts. As we grow and progress in life we keep adding or throwing away some contents of this suitcase. Each of us thus become a product of the choices we have made or that we have consciously decided not to make.

How many times in your day-to-day life have you been told right from childhood, ” you can’t do this” or “you need to follow this”, or “the deadline for this project is 20 days from now”, “you need to get married by 25” or as a woman you hear “you need to behave lady like” or something similar.

We may choose to follow some of these instructions, advise or suggestions and yet others we ignore because we feel it is just gender stereotyping. However respect, being ethical and being human is something I would like to think that most of us are ingrained with while growing up. This value is further enhanced when we observe our parents, and the behavior of our community in which we socialize.

In today’s day and age I find many who have lost the basic etiquette of courtesy, and being polite.  Take the case of social media where you try to make new connections and most people love to get more and more followers. Whilst it is good to make new connections, I find it strange and disrespectful when some of them don’t even bother to acknowledge you when you RT them or react to something on their timeline (I’m not referring to trolls here). Why are we so keen to make new connections and being part of every form of social media when we can’t spend quality time on existing relationships, we don’t have time to acknowledge and ask how one is doing?

There are many who don’t give importance to loyalty and commitment to their word. People speak about change but refuse to change themselves and yet others who insult and abuse in the name of religion and ethics.

Isn’t Personal Growth about

  1. Achieving more love, belonging, better communication skills and relationships
  2. Accessing greater understanding and wisdom
  3. Aligning, anchoring and actualizing your goals
  4. Awakening the inner voice.
  5. Being a better communicator and listener and to relate to others feelings.
  6. Becoming an instrument of transformation for others
  7. Breaking through barriers, fears and limitations that hold you back. Learning how to create what you want
  8. Changing for the better. Maintain clarity and focus. Make shifts and change more quickly, with less pain. Draw out your own personal pathway to success. Know where you want to go. Know who you are and what you stand for
  9. Measuring, tracking and improving what is important
  10. Developing more self-trust and self-reliance.

Life is a journey where each of us face obstacles in pursuing goals, or in just living.   Some of us get overwhelmed with some of these hurdles and yet some of us work through these challenges and grow stronger. But isn’t life about learning, developing, growing and moving on to take new pursuits and face new challenges?

To me, personal growth is having integrity and being human.  Biggest value that any of us need to have and remember is to Be Human.   We are always one decision, one word, one reaction away from damaging what has taken us years to develop so don’t you think we need to be careful of our words and actions?

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Filed Under: Leadership & Personal Development, Life, Relationships, Social Media Tagged With: childhood, communicatiom, courtesy, Empathy, Facebook, Human, lead from within, personal growth, Social Media, Twitter, Values.

Life : 30 Little Things That Matter

29 July 2012 By Lalita Raman 2 Comments

Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things – Robert Brault

If you observe children, you realize that they are overjoyed by jumping into the pool and feeling the splash of water on their feet, their body, they are so happy with a kiss, a hug, a small piece of chocolate. We have all been in those exact same moments and feelings. As children each of us have taken pleasure and been overjoyed with playing in the sand, building sand castles in the beach, making a snowman and breaking it, going on a merry-go-round, birds, dogs, a pool of water, the sea, the bright colors around us and many more things.

As adults, however in our quest to accomplish big things we often forget that life is made up of little things. The happiness of life is in small things – gratitude from the heart, a smile, helping somebody in need to cross the street, holding the door open as a matter of courtesy for the person behind you. In today’s modern age and technology surrounded world why do we as so-called grown ups forget that it in these acts of trivialities that the seeds of joy are there forever.

We build big houses surround ourselves with gadgets and other luxuries and yet find no time to enjoy the small pleasures of life. How many times have you walked or gone for a run and forgotten to appreciate the beautiful weather, the less polluted air for those who live in big cities, the chirping of birds, or a smile from a stranger.

Most of us long for the weekend and fail to enjoy the week which may be filled with a lot of beautiful though small things like a compliment, a smile, a hug, a kind word, a cheer, feeling fit and fine, rising to a new dawn. We choose to concentrate and discuss about the rude boss, or the work load or some other person who may have been rude or showed a complete lack of etiquette.  Yes, those acts do spoil the moment and we can choose to get irritated, but best to get over it and move on to appreciate the beautiful things around us.  Nature is beautiful and yet we ignore her.

So what are these little things that matter in each of our lives during a day be it a work day or holiday or a vacation.

1. Smile – a smile from or to a stranger or from or to someone you see in the elevator quite often.

2. Walking bare feet on grass and yes this is possible even in cities. I know I’ve lived in 3-4 cities which is filled with concrete buildings and yet I have managed to walk bare feet on grass.

3. Listening to music either at work or after work.

4. Hearing the chirp of birds if you really pay attention.

5. For those who enjoy workouts, being able to go to the gym or yoga.

6. Meditation and the clarity that one achieves with this simple mind exercise.

7. Enjoying waterfalls or walking bare feet on sand in the beach.

8. The sound of waves hitting the shores.

9. If your meals are made for you, enjoy it, because not many are blessed with the grace of the same.

10. Learn to appreciate the two or three meals that you have on a daily basis and if you are blessed with variety on a daily basis, be thankful and enjoy it.

11. Being able to have a hot shower or bath.

12. Feel of water running down your fingers or feet and the tingling sensation.

13. Having access to clean water 24 by 7.

14. Appreciate the aroma and beauty of flowers.

15.I love colors, they brighten my day and whenever I’m feeling low I make sure I either wear a bright color or at least surround myself with bright colors.

16. A coffee just the way you like it and enjoy.

17. Sleeping in for an extra 15-30 minutes after the alarm has gone off on days you choose to.

18. To admire and enjoy the sunrise and or sunset.

19. Enjoying the greenery around you or getting to a place where you can be surrounded by the beauty of mother nature.

20 Lighting a candle of an aroma that you enjoy once you get home and allowing yourself to breathe in the beauty of life.

21. To have a long conversation with a friend.

22.A stretch or a massage which just feels so good and perks you up.

23. Doing something wild that you have always enjoyed. For me it is going on a roller coaster ride or sky diving or even venturing out on a difficult hike.

24. Striking conversations with strangers, obviously with someone whom you feel comfortable.

25. Reading a book and enjoying every moment as you turn the pages.

26. Watching one of your favorite TV shows by cuddling yourself up in bed or on your couch.

27. We often buy gifts for others, and praise them for good work done but we forget to treat ourselves when we have achieved something which we had set a goal on. Pat yourself on the back and enjoy your achievements no matter how small they may be.

28. Take the time to feel your surroundings, to enjoy that cup of coffee, savor the chocolate, feel the hug, or relish every sip of wine.

29. Laugh out loud and enjoy the feeling.

30. Count your blessings no matter what they are, make it special for yourself and it does not matter if it is important to anyone else or not.

We all cherish some of our bygone moments as memories which is great but let’s be mindful and cherish the moments as they happen.

The list can go on and on.  What are the little things that matters to you that you would like to share?  Please feel free to share in the Comments Section.

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Filed Under: Life Tagged With: beach, beauty, children, flowers, happiness, hug, lead from within, life, Nature, rain, smile, snowman, sunrise, sunset

10 Reasons Not To Give Up

2 July 2012 By Lalita Raman 2 Comments

Many of you who follow me on Twitter may know that I have the following statement on my Twitter bio “Don’t believe in giving up no matter what happens,not to shrink back but to move forward in life.”

Persistency is something I believe in and my friends and colleagues know me as a very tenacious person. I persist because I hope, I believe and I see potential.  While the path to achieve my final goal may change with experience that I gather during my journey, I believe in not giving up on anything that appeals to my within.

However, don’t each of us at some point in our journey of life, get to a part where we feel like just throwing it all away and walking away? Sometimes we stop trying even before start and other times we give up just before we are about to make that huge break-through. To keep trying be it at work or in a relationship does not necessarily mean allowing yourself to feel devalued or trampled.  But you need to evaluate options of achieving your end goal and change the course or methods to fulfill the same.

 10 Reasons Why You Should Not Give Up 

1. Choices – there are always possibilities and sometimes we get so frozen by what we choose to see that we block ourselves from looking at other alternatives.

2. Inspirers – every time you feel like giving up, be inspired by people who have achieved their dreams despite the odds – e.g. The man who lost his legs as a child scales Kilimanjaro with hands.

3. Failure – we allow failures and rejections during the course of our journey to become our self-limiting beliefs. However there is no one right path. What may have worked for me may not work for you and vice versa.  Success is not achieved in a day.

4. Mindset – we need to learn from our mistakes rather than just fold and walk away. Choose to walk away from the methods that have nor worked rather than away from your ultimate passion or goal.

5. Believe – we allow our surroundings to control us. We live in moments and many times allow that to dictate our beliefs and value systems. What has helped me in some of my vulnerable moments is to believe in myself, and be strong as difficult as it may be.

6. People who matter – accept critique to improve but don’t allow negative attitudes and haters to surround your life and dictate what you do. Learn to stay with people who challenge you but yet support you and care for you.

7. Evolve – always have a questioning mind. Ask yourself is that the best method, what are the options, if I started on a clean sheet of paper would I still look at the same options or choose something completely different.

8. Innovate – Our mind plays games and we need to control our mind rather than the other way around.  You may need to take the lead from someone else who has done it before. Listen to their success story and determine which of those you could apply to yourself.  Don’t reinvent the wheel but innovate on previous experiences where necessary.

9. Change – you should not be stuck by the alternatives that you have chosen.  Embrace change to the pathway to get to where you want to be.

10. Be your own friend – No one in the world is going to look at you if you are going to be miserable. Be your own best friend and be an optimist.

So Why You Should Not Give Up…

I’ve always been inspired by Pema Chodron and her thoughts…I quote.. “Every time we are willing to let go at the end of the out-breath, that’s fundamentally renunciation: learning how to let go of holding on and holding back”.

“The river flows rapidly down the mountain, and then all of a sudden it gets blocked with big boulders and lots of trees. The water can’t go any farther, even though it has tremendous force and forward energy. It just gets block there. That’s what happens with us too; we get blocked like that. Letting go at the end of the out-breath, letting the thoughts go, is like moving one of those boulders away so that the water can keep flowing, so that our energy and our life force can keep evolving and moving forward. We don’t, out of fear of the unknown, have to put up these blocks, these dams, that basically say no to life and to feeling life…Link

We hurt ourselves the most by giving up. We live but once and you and I have a calling in life… why give up?

For  Inspiration… Watch the Movie 127 Hours 

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Filed Under: Coaching, Emotions, Leadership & Personal Development, Life Tagged With: Change, evolve, give up, kilimanjaro, lead from within, Leadership, Pema Chodron

Multitasking – 3 Reasons Why You Should Stop and 6 Steps On How To

17 June 2012 By Lalita Raman 1 Comment

Most of us pride ourselves in multitasking. The more I think about multitasking, the more I feel that I probably don’t do full justice to any of the tasks at hand. Multitasking, I think possibly arises from distraction. The craze of Social Media, with the likes of Twitter, G+, Facebook, multiple chats (a friend of mine has possibly 35-40 chats going on at the same time …) has amplified our distraction. A study by Clifford Nass et al. at Stanford showed that heavy media multi-taskers are more susceptible to interference from irrelevant environmental stimuli and from irrelevant representations in memory.

Many of us at work read emails and try to respond to them while having a call with a client or a colleague or may be even during conference calls. Surely full focus and attention cannot be given to both these tasks. Why do otherwise intelligent people find it so easy to be distracted from what really matters? Why do we not give attention to the task at hand be it writing a blog, conceptual thinking with regard to one’s business or work or giving our undivided attention to someone who is talking.

In today’s world it is essential to be multi-skilled and multifaceted and the ability to switch effortlessly and effectively between various tasks is imperative.  But that is not multitasking. Having said that, let’s look at why we should not multi-task.

1.Research offers neurological evidence that the brain cannot effectively do two things at once -Rene Marois, PhD, Department of Psychology, Vanderbilt University

2.Effort and results are not linearly proportional.  In fact the Pareto Principle or the 80/20 rule means that in anything a few (20%) are vital and many(80%) are trivial. You can apply the 80/20 Rule to almost anything, from the science of management to the physical world.

One of my friends, who is a professor in a university, often, asks of his students to push their hands against something heavy and simultaneously solve math problems. In order to solve the simple math problem, the focus on pushing their hands against the heavy weight automatically reduces when compared to doing that activity on its own.  He asks them to engage in this activity to prove that multitasking deters productivity.

3.Performance suffers if you attempt two or more tasks that require the same brain functions. Most of us would be comfortable probably reading newspaper and listening to light music in the background.  However trying to be an active participant in a conference call and responding to emails simultaneously may not achieve optimal results in either because we use the same cognitive functions of the brain.

“There is time enough for everything in the course of the day, if you do but one thing at once, but there is not time enough in the year, if you will do two things at a time”  Lord Chesterfield, in a letter to his son in the 1740s.

Malcolm Gladwell in his book, “The Outliers : The Story of Success”, goes into depth about how all of the geniuses had worked 10,000 hours or more on their area of specialty before they became well-known. You will not be able work for so long unless and until you give full attention. All those who have achieved success credit it to practice and attention.  To Quote Isaac Newton-“If I have ever made any valuable discoveries, it has been due more to patient attention, than to any other talent.”

So how do we get away from these distractions or so-called multitasking:

1. To do list – Take a few minutes every day  either at the end of the day before you go to bed or at the beginning of the day to outline and write down the two or three most important things you want to accomplish tomorrow or on the day and the time by which you would like to achieve them.

2. Set a timer every hour. Pause and note all the tasks you are doing at that moment. Ask yourself: Am I doing what I most need to do right now?, Am I on track to complete my 2-3 most important tasks that I had enlisted.  How many times in each hour have I walked away from the original activity and checked emails, social media, and fallen prey to digital device distractions.

3. Mindfulness self-training – being aware of the current moment and emphasizing keeping one’s focus on the present moment and reducing distractions.  Systematically training your attention for e.g. Meditation or reading a good book and specifically assigning yourself some time each day to these activities will help improve your attention.

4. Life is short and you live once. Give your full attention to people, make them feel they matter. The best gift you can give to someone is your undivided attention.

5. Every time you get distracted or have an urge to do something else other than what you  originally set out to do, ask yourself is that the best use of my time? Do I really need to pay attention right now, to the activity that is distracting me?

6. Journaling – our mind wanders during the day since we probably have a million things to do, and achieve, which makes us agitated. Spending few hours a day writing your feelings, your emotions, things to do, ideas, frustrations helps to clear the mind and allows you to concentrate on those that deserves your utmost attention.

How has multitasking affected you, what steps have you taken to bring back your focus and attention? Please share in the comments section.

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Filed Under: Habits, Life, Social Media Tagged With: attention, be the one, Isaac Newton, lead from within, Leadership, Lord Chesterfield, meditation, mindfulness, multi-skilled, Multitasking, work, Yo Matter

Daring To Live On The Edge

24 March 2012 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

I love anything that is daring and adventurous. Some of my crazy adventures in the past have been Sky Diving, Bungee Jumping, jumping off a cliff into the water without knowing swimming, crazy roller coaster rides….

I love hiking and between October-March every year I go for treks every Saturday and Sunday, since the weather is perfect where I live. My love for hiking are many and I had mentioned these in one of my earlier blog posts Re: “Top 5 reasons to Hike”

I have always disliked going downhill (just like in real life 😉 ) and although I have improved remarkably over the years in terms of taking that right step while treading downhill, my mind treads the path downhill with apprehension. Most of this has risen from my innumerable falls and accidents therefrom, on the downhill.

Last Sunday, I decided to hike up Sharp Peak on my own.
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I have hiked up Sharp Peak twice before but along with friends. I enjoy treks with a group of friends but not sure why this time, I decided to enjoy my solitude and hike up this peak on my own. The weather was on the hot side, 28-30 C.

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The hiking route has several patches of rocks and stones and it is a steep path with no railings to hold. It is challenging but a true enjoyment for a hiker and once you reach the top you are treated to some spectacular scenic views of nature. I would say the scenic view in itself is worth the effort.

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Going down Sharp Peak can get tricky especially because of the uneven path filled with sharp rocks and stones. I suffer from a bad back and I am still recovering from a shoulder surgery which I underwent 10 weeks back. However, I have not allowed any of my personal mishaps to deter me from living life with hope and enthusiasm.

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I have always taken the help of a friend’s hand whilst going down a difficult hill but this time it was different. I decided to overcome that apprehension and the fear, let’s say I decided to “Move That Stone” in my own mind and I achieved it. The best part was I did not fall and although I was sun-burnt I did not meet with any accidents.

So what was different this time – I started off with apprehension but I guess I found my feet and I was in the Zone. To me, zone is emotional and it is about making that connection. I felt a flow of focus and concentration take over me and what I saw were the rocks in front of me and the path I should choose to make my way down.

I felt at peace and exhilarated when I reached the bottom of the hill.

What Did I Learn

In hindsight, all I can say is being conscious of my fear I used it thoughtfully and purposefully and I harnessed my fear correctly.

Each of us is the only one who can come to terms with our fear. Fear can be our biggest friend or enemy. The choice is ours to make.

It is not the doubt and uncertainty that cripples one but It’s the actions one takes or fails to take that determines how we overcome that emotion. What one thinks and does has the biggest influence on our results.

….And I am returning to the drawing board this Sun which will possibly me the last of my big treks till the onset of fall and winter.

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Images : Lalita Raman

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Filed Under: Hike, Life Tagged With: bungee jumping, cliff, fear, hike, peace, Sharp Peak, Sky diving, treks, Water, zone

Twelve Ways to Inspire Yourself When You Are Feeling Down & Out

10 March 2012 By Lalita Raman 1 Comment

“None but ourselves can free our minds.” ― Bob Marley

In our life today we face an enduring issue of one too many negative things and few positives. Right from newspapers, TV and other forms of media be it political, economic, or social there is a lot of negative incidents, news, events, mishaps. On top of this if you are having an out of sorts day, it is difficult to keep the positive momentum because we could be so imprisoned by our state of mind, that we forget to step back and look at things with a fresh perspective.

There is a confusion of values among the youth which is aggravated by the wrong portrayal of fame and success that mass media and social media often tend to reflect. There seems to be an  increasing number of people who are beginning to feel negative in their outlook.

I met a woman entrepreneur the other day who seemed dejected and felt that she was being attacked by stress and negative emotions.  When she told me her story, the positive takeaways for me were that she had determination, passion and love for what she did and had managed to grow her revenues by 20% and most important she had touched the hearts of many a tourist and child through her works of art.

This woman runs her own business of arts and crafts and supplies to museums, souvenir shops, gift shops and several private establishments. Today she is at a stage where she wants to expand and grow and is making efforts to achieve that. But she is overwhelmed by her negative thoughts, apprehensions and feels her life is out of control.

She is however not alone.   In reality, she may just be a cynic and not a negative personality. But the forlornness of the big cities, where youngsters follow their dreams and passion becomes the breeding ground for negativism and depression to flourish.

Statements like I’m no good at writing, or I am a born loser or I can never get any job done on time are self-fulfilling and ultimately strangle the personality they feed on.

We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think.  The amygdala is most commonly associated with our emotions of fear and anxiety.  Negative thoughts trigger  electro-chemicals in our brains which in turn triggers our decisions and behavior. The more we keep getting such negative thoughts, the more our brain keeps getting hardwired to being receptive to such thoughts.

It is important to recognize these negative emotions but not allow them to control us. Here are 12 simple ways to break away from the Negative Emotional attractor

1. Reframe the Negative statements that you keep telling yourself. For e.g. Instead of saying I’m no good at writing, may be change your thought or statement to “I need to hone my writing skills and I’m working on it.”  I find positive self talk to be a great motivator.

2. Express gratitude. Make a conscious effort to do a kind deed.

3. Encourage someone. Make them realize that they matter and what they do matters.

4. Exercise – I find that exercise triggers the endorphins and releases the stress and flushes out the negative thoughts.

5. Focus on things within your control and things you are good at.  Feel good at doing those things first and then move on to new challenges.

6. Learn something new for which you have a passion for.

7. Talk to your dog, if you own a dog.. I find  dogs and puppies to be great stress busters. I feel a sense of joy, the moment I look at a cute dog picture or video.

8. Talking to a close friend or a family member or a Samaritan helps.  It’s imperative to have circle of positive friends who will inspire you.  “Tell me who your friends are and I will tell you what you are … As goes the American saying.

9. Keep milestones and measure your progress against them. Checking off against an achieved milestone can be one of the most rewarding acts to keep moving forward.

10. Read a book or some inspiring quotes. These days there are several Self Motivation posts on various blogs which definitely would be a Positive Emotional Attractor.

11. Chin up – good posture and a smile always helps.

12. Listen to music. Music is to the Soul what words are to the mind.  ” I think music in itself is healing. It’s an explosive expression of humanity. It’s something we are all touched by. No matter what culture we’re from, everyone loves music.” Billy Joel

Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you riding through the ruts, don’t complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don’t bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality. Wake Up and Live! Bob Marley

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Filed Under: Habits, Leadership & Personal Development, Life Tagged With: amygdala, art, Child, dog, emotions, exercise, inspire, Love, music, negative, passion, positive, posture, Woman

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