Little Things That Matter

Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

Do You Walk A Fine Line In The Choices You Make?

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I was listening to music on my way to yoga on Saturday and Paul McCartney’s following song started playing on my iPhone ….

There is a fine line, between recklessness and courage
It’s about time, you understood which road to take
It’s a fine line, your decision makes a difference
Get it wrong, you’ll be making a big mistake

It’s a fine line
Whatever’s more important to you (It’s a fine line)
You got to choose what you want to do
Whatever’s more important to be (It’s a fine line)
That’s the thing that you gotta see

The lyrics of this song kept ringing in my ears and whilst doing yoga, when the instructor mentioned, do what is possible, push yourself but not to the extent where you are not able to breathe…..,it struck me that there is such a fine line between challenging yourself and stepping out of your comfort zone and pushing yourself to an extent where you could injure yourself and find it difficult to breathe.

After class on my way back, I couldn’t help thinking…..

There is a fine line between

→ confidence and over confidence resulting in arrogance
→ frustration and giving into anger and giving up
→ being a trusted advisor and a pushy or desperate sales person
→ giving in to let go and giving up
→ fake it till you make it to gain confidence and being inauthentic

How many times do leaders walk this fine line? And in walking this fine line, do you as a leader forget to care for your employees, to keep the communication lines open, to appreciate people and not take kindness for granted.

In walking this thin line, and in order to not tip over to the not so pleasant side, what are some of the most important factors?

1. Confidence

Have the confidence to be not led by your fears, yet remind yourself to be humble. Walking the fine line between arrogance and confidence can be challenging at times, yet, if you allow yourself to be driven by your inner self and core, it is possible to make the right choice.

2. Let go

Let go of the desire to be popular and of getting brownie points at the cost of not speaking up for the right things. Indifference breeds indifference. If you take people in your team for granted and do not recognize or appreciate them you are indicating that you don’t care for them or the work they do. Your behavior and what you do or don’t, matters.

3. People Skills

Being a team leader or manager involves much more than IQ. You will be an effective manager when you communicate with your team, make them feel valued and listen to them.

Be consistent in your behavior and walk your talk. You create confusion and animosity when you communicate one thing with your words and do something else by your actions. You need to have a positive attitude and see the good and bad and be able to deal with the challenges and adversities. People will believe in you if they see you put forth your values and vision consistently and in that care for people and work together with them to take this value and vision forward.

4. Mindset and attitude

It is challenging not to cross the thin line during adversities. Yet, a leader is one who does not fall prey to the vulnerable moment and shows the tight attitude and mindset. It is not about being a superwoman or superman but asking yourself what is your purpose and what are you driven by? Negative attitude is like a vicious cycle and can have a cascading effect in bringing a relationship, a team and organization apart.

5. Indifference

Your leadership style needs to facilitate people towards their and the overall organization’s progress. Policies and procedures are essential in an organization but when you make them cumbersome and as the sole purpose in whatever you do, it becomes inhuman and a burden.

No matter what role you play, you don’t need to tip over the thin line to make a choice that is irrational and one that displays poor #EI. #leadfromwithin

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You have a #choice even when you are walking a fine line, one you would like to receive if you were at the receiving end. #peopleskills

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For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

How To Give Feedback That Matters

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The training starts at 9 am. All, but 2 participants arrive either early or on time. However, the training doesn’t start till after the two participants have arrived which is at 9:07 am.

At the gym, in the RPM class of 30 members, ten to fifteen members work beyond their comfort zone and they work out because they are interested in making a difference to their training. The rest of them are in the class as if someone has forced them to be there. The instructor gives more attention to these non-performers.

A group of people decide to write a book together, and in the sub groups some of them submit their chapters on time and others don’t. Yet the people who submit on time are not acknowledged or worse still the whole process gets stuck because of people who don’t bother keeping up to the agreed deadlines.

Mary is in a team of five people within a multi-national firm. She works in their business development and strategic planning function. Mary is a lateral thinker, learns new concepts and skills rapidly and applies it in new and untested ways to achieve spectacular results. She may not be an expert on every aspect but is quick to accommodate, adapt, learn and apply, yet achieve more than the results expected. Two others in her team are good in their own way. Mary or the other two don’t seem to get any praise or positive feedback. Their efforts are not only taken for granted but not acknowledged.

What is common in all the above scenarios?

Giving feedback, praise, appreciation …. A critical skill and yet ignored by leaders, managers, coaches and many people in their daily walk of life.

As a child, haven’t we been encouraged, praised, ‘wowed at’ when we walked for the first time. For those who are parents of small kids haven’t you adored and been ecstatic when your little child walked for the first time. You didn’t criticize your child for not having walked properly or falling down when he or she took his first step or took the walking for granted and completely ignored the fact that your child had walked for the first time. Twenty years down the line, do you think you or your child have stopped wanting appreciation?

When did we stop wanting recognition or praise? NEVER

In my coaching sessions with managers or leaders of organizations, I find managers struggling to give feedback that consists of positive comments. The struggle that most people have with giving praise is what do I tell them other than commenting “awesome” or “spectacular”. That kind of comment made often sounds like flattery instead of genuine appreciation.

As human beings we all like to be recognized and genuinely praised irrespective of age, gender or personality.

How do we give feedback or appreciation ?

1. Listen and observe 

Do not underestimate the power of listening and observing. In doing so, you’ll be able to notice the specific things that people in your personal or work life do well. This provides you with evidence to be able to praise the person and acknowledge that they did something well. Worse still don’t ignore the fact that someone has been on time, someone has made an effort to work hard and smart and someone has met deadlines.

2. Little things that matter

“Praise the slight improvement and praise every improvement. Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise” Dale Carnegie. Every small achievement matters. Appreciate even the small gestures because that makes the receiver feel good and encouraged.  

Silent #appreciation or #gratitude is as good as none. #peopleskills #neuroscience #brain #leadfromwithin #life

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3. Genuine appreciation  

If you give specific appreciation instead of overloading with just adjectives, you’ll be able to show genuine interest. In organizations, as managers of teams or as leaders why not get to know someone in terms of their strengths and their interests? Make observations on how they act and behave and do things. We are emotional beings and it helps to have an EQ that makes another person feel “You Matter“.

4. Feedback culture

Cultivate a habit in your daily life of giving appreciation to those in your life. Develop a culture within your organization to give and receive feedback. Feedback needs to be positive and if you have an area of development to point out, do so, but definitely do not load it with negatives and criticism. None of us need help with criticizing ourselves. Each of us are experts on that. Don’t wait for a 360° feedback process at the end of the year, that is done like a chore instead of truly using it as a way of providing genuine feedback and appreciation. Feedback should be ‘continuous’ so that people know what they are doing well, what do they see as challenges and thus need to work   on developing.

#Relationships are not like a robot. You need to treat them with care and that is key to building #peopleskills.

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What are you doing to build and strengthen #relationships? #leadfromwithin #peopleskills

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Are you “seeing” people?

“I see you. You matter.”

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

Where’s The Respect, Courtesy and Professionalism Gone?

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Excuse me, may I get something from my locker. I will be real quick. That was the voice I heard behind me at the ladies changing room at the gym today. That was music to my ears. I immediately moved, smiled and acknowledged the grace and sweetness with which this lady had spoken. I thanked her for her courtesy. Hearing my comment another lady from the far end remarked, OMG, you are so right. One rarely gets to hear a true form of apology or gratitude or excuse me these days. On her way out she apologized to me saying, I couldn’t help making that remark. I smiled and told her that she made a valid observation and there was no need to be apologetic and I thanked her for her support.

While it takes only a few words to make someone’s day, words poorly chosen have the inordinate power to start an argument, spoil someone’s day, destroy relationships, lead to arguments, and cause embarrassment. 

Three simple words “Sorry”, “Thank you”, “Please” have the immense potential to empower your communication, build rapport and enhance relationships when used with the proper tone and intention.

I say proper tone and intention because I have been at the receiving end of “sorry” with absolutely no apology intended. A week back, I suddenly get a jolt in my elbow and before I could even recover from my excruciating pain, this man says sorry and again rudely steps his shoes over my feet and my toe nail comes off. He doesn’t bother saying sorry and he marches off pretending to be unaware of what he had done. I come across similar types of behavior in the elevators of building, at offices and also at the gym. I take the example of the gym many times because to me a gym is where you go to work out, get healthy and in turn build your endurance. That means over time you should adopt the right attitude no matter the tearing hurry you may be in. If you cannot be courteous and ride over your challenges at the gym, what is the point in going for a workout?

Isn’t life similar to the gym? Because life is presenting you with some unnerving moments doesn’t mean you have the right to stomp over somebody else with your attitude and actions.

Yet in today’s so-called well-connected digital and fast paced world that we live in, we care more about speed with which we achieve results instead of the quality. Yes… We are dealing with multi tasks and juggling with many issues at the same time. We are hard pressed for time, yet by no means does that give us the right to behave aggressively or arrogantly to one another. Just because we sit behind computers trying to build rapport and relationships, it doesn’t mean we throw etiquette, courtesy and respect out of the window.

When did any of us stop appreciating courtesy or an apology? If the answer is never, why has “I’m sorry” changed to “I’m sorry but” or I appreciate what you are saying morphed into “I appreciate what you are saying, however “

Why have we become so stingy in being appreciative of something that somebody has done or acknowledging somebody’s email?

I find it appalling when people write so many blogs on leadership and yet when you interact with some of them, they seem to be lacking the courtesy to acknowledge or be thankful.

Communication is complete only if the words are expressed in a tone and manner that is congruent to what the words mean. Silent gratitude and apologies are no good.

Words are an important part of our communication but when there is in-congruency between the words, body language and tone, we pay more attention to the non verbal. Research by Albert Mehrabian has indicated that in cases where we are incongruent, we give

7% of meaning in the words that are spoken.
38% of meaning is paralinguistic (the tone).
55% of meaning is in facial expression.

In the world of chats, IM, hangouts and every other form of digital media which we live in, we forget to frame our thoughts and words. We don’t take time to acknowledge emails, messages, tweets, chats and we say things without recognizing the impact of our words or cryptic one word responses.

Would you shrink in your status or size if you said a genuine sorry or please or Thank you.

Would you downgrade yourself if you acknowledged somebody?

Would you belittle yourself if you showed gratitude or appreciated someone for a job well done? Click To Tweet

Effective communication starts with your feelings, your thoughts and the attitude you take to every situation. Click To Tweet. It is these thoughts that translates into words, body language and tone in your voice. Are they congruent? Are they effective?

Are you leading by example in the way you communicate? Click To Tweet

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

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Inflexibility Is All In Your Perspective

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Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

Though I have been doing yoga for almost 10 years, each day is different in that some days it is easier to be in the moment, feel more flexible and be in the flow whereas not so on other days.

When your muscles are sore and you are trying to bend forward and touch your toes you feel the pain, the frustration and more often than not your mind is agitated.  When you are not that nimble, you feel the pain, the discomfort and the difficulty to breathe and to ease into that moment.  This is most felt whilst trying to do any yoga pose which your body is not able to do because of being inflexible.

Flexibility is the ability to move muscles and joints through their complete range. We are born with this ability but something most of us lose over time because of our life styles. We lose the agility on our muscles. The activities we engage in or not leads to muscle atrophy. Stretching is thus necessary to help muscles rebuild.

Flexibility, however, is an attitude that we need to take in that challenging moment, that transforms our mind as well as our body. The more we get entangled in our moment of pain and frustration in not being able to stretch with ease, the more difficult it gets to become unstuck.

One of my favorite yoga instructors reminds the class each day that in doing the asana we should seek to do our best but not let the eagle in us take over. Today is not the same as yesterday. Let us take each moment as it comes.

Whenever I hear this I am reminded of this quote by Pema Chodron.   “The Buddha taught that flexibility and openness bring strength and that running from groundlessness weakens us and brings pain. But do we understand that becoming familiar with the running away is the key? Openness doesn’t come from resisting our fears but from getting to know them well…”

Inflexibility is felt during a stretch or whilst doing yoga, but what about life and at work ?

Have you ever considered the impact of not adapting to change ? Click To Tweet

What about not listening to another person’s ideas because of your ego?

Flexibility starts from our attitude be it in yoga or at work.  What are the common causes of lack of adaptability at work?

1. Fear

Command and control form of leadership fails to motivate employees and keep them engaged. Fear of breaking the barriers is a common cause of adhering to the top down control based hierarchical structures. How long can you keep your team from breaking apart?

2. Trust

Defensive thinking and lack of trusting one’s own judgment on instincts creates bias in favor of status quo. What is the direct impact of this on employee and tram engagement ?

3. Habit

Habits are first cobwebs then cables which deter you from adapting or initiating change. Mindset and attitude are the biggest enemies which dictate our behaviors. Does this cause stress in your work and life ?

4. Inflexible policies and practices

When policies and practices are used as a garb to defend long-winded procedures, it is often a case of inflexibility.  Are you taking excuse under policies?

5. Lack of Diversity

Diversity starts from thoughts and flows into behaviors, words and actions. Any organization whose systems value conformance and cohesion at the expense of diversity and divergence limits the ability to welcome new and diverse ideas. How are you adopting diversity in various parts of your organization?

You and your teams ability to react to, manage, control, and introduce change controls the rise or fall of organizations that you are part of. Change starts with You and your attitude determines the process of navigating the change.

Key Questions to Ask

1. How willing are you to promote a culture of flexible working hours ?

2. How enthusiastic are you in your communication whilst listening to new ideas and changes ? Click To Tweet 

3. What are the different ways you can overcome the various hurdles that you fire fight every time ?

4. How adaptable are you to trying out different methods to achieve the same goal ?

5. Do you have a flexible work environment to promote a higher diversity and engagement among your employees?

BlackBerry failed to anticipate that consumers — not business customers — would drive the smart phone revolution. This lack of adaptability is possibly one of the top reasons for their downfall.

And research has indicated the preference for flexibility versus face time.

If you can gain insight into your and your teams’ behaviors that make up adaptability and being flexible in your approach it will help you face change and transition.

Are you being adaptable in your approach to detect and respond to changes? Click To Tweet

The Vulnerability In Relationships

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I was watching some Ted Talk Videos over the weekend and one of them was on The Power Of Vulnerability. 
This got me thinking about relationships. Relationships are made or marred many times on vulnerability.
There have been numerous cases of abuse, bullying, domestic violence and all this is evidence of putting someone in a vulnerable state or taking advantage of them.
Yet, at other times when we are in a crisis, may be stranded on account of bad weather conditions or losing a job in a close down or merger situation, some of the best relationships are formed during such situations. “Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center, of meaningful human experiences according to Brené Brown in her book How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead.
Vulnerability here does not mean being submissive or weak. It involves uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure which is well articulated by Brené Browne in her book.
When we see read or hear stories, see videos, hear presentations or empathize with the events in our daily life it is the vulnerability and authenticity which enables us to make that connection. Connection which is an important part of relationships is what gives meaning and purpose to our daily life.
Relationship is about:
1.Respect – you can shine your light but it is not necessary to knock down someone else or dim another’s light. Even if the relationship is not something that you favor, respect is an important element. Respect yourself enough to avoid being taken advantage of. Surround yourself with positivity and compassion for yourself and others.
2.Empathy – the ability to mutually experience the thoughts, emotions, and direct experience of others is an important element in any relationship.
3.Love – the most profound emotion that is an essential part of any relationship.
4.Appreciation – in the world we live today, we forget to appreciate ourselves, our relationships and the moments of life. Appreciation is unconditional and does not contain words like “But”, “However”.
5.Trust – establishing rapport is the start of good relationships. Trust is the pillar of any relationship be it with spouse, parents, siblings, shop keeper, colleagues.
6.Integrity – To me it is the Congruence of I Believe, I Value, I Think, I Feel, I Say, I Do.
7.Obedience – is a matter of the heart. It is about what you feel from within and to be accountable and responsible in a relationship.
8.Nurture – to do and be all that is necessary to grow and enrich the relationship.
9.Space – the little space we allow and create in each of our relationships, be it a friend, spouse, sister, brother or parents, keeps it healthy and allows the relationship to nurture and grow.
10.Honesty – truthfulness, sincerity and frankness in who you are.
11.Interesting – compassion and appreciation for ourselves and others keeps the relationship interesting. Compassion is born of awareness of the choices we are making and the impact of each of these actions on others.
12.Power of Communication – know when to be silent and when to speak up. Not communicating breaks the best of relationships. Conflicts, differences of opinions arise in every relationship. The intent is to disagree agreeably and keep the relationship healthy.  Listening is important to build relationships, because that is where you show empathy and that you truly care.
13.Support – strength in a relationship lies in the support you give to that relationship and that you receive. The ebb and flow of relationship requires mental toughness and support.
Relationship is not about opportunities and using it for those opportunities. Relationships to me means someone with whom you can share your completeness, be it a friend, a life partner, sister, brother, mother or father. A relationship should be one that recognizes you for what you are, challenges you, and allows you to grow.
Let your relationships be one in which you
 
Let yourselves be seen
Practice gratitude and be joyful
Love with your hearts
Are kind and compassionate to yourselves and others
Your willingness to be vulnerable and accept vulnerability establishes and maintains the connection and the authenticity in relationships.
What are some of the ways you have been courageous to be vulnerable and made a connection?
For Individual or Group Coaching, Speaking, Workshops and or Training please connect with Me
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Leadership And The Art Of Communication

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Last week on Wednesday, I was attending a meeting and one of the conversations was about organizing events where we could bring out the best in Women and show diversity of women by getting those who practice it to share their experiences. Along with this, some of us were of the view that we should combine this talk with some fun, food and frolic. While this conversation was going on, I suggested that maybe we should consider a theme party and before I could finish my statement, I heard a woman who was dominating the meeting till then, cut me off by laughing and saying “oh God, no, I hate fancy dress parties”.

For a second or two I was upset but decided to smile. I smiled, because at that moment I had a flash of this particular extract from Pema Chodron’s quotes that I had read the day before.

“It’s not life that causes suffering, says Buddhist teacher Pema Chödrön, it’s our story about life—our interpretation—that causes so much distress. When we practice interrupting the story we’re telling ourselves, and learn to ride the wave of emotions that inevitably come up in life, we can find a new freedom and flexibility in the face of uncertainty and change.”

I shy away from networking meetings, especially those over drinks or lunch without a talk or event. One of the main reasons I’m uncomfortable with these type of networking events is that I find most people not wanting to have a proper conversation. Most, whom I encounter at such events are those who give you a fleeting glance whilst making an effort to talk to you. They are either too busy with their smart phones or scouting the room whilst pretending to talk to you or anyone else they meet in the room.

Last Thursday, I made a conscious effort to go to one of the Alumni networking events and whilst I was almost on my way out, I met a person with whom I had a long and meaningful conversation. This person appealed to me because he did not flash his ego or titles or business cards or his position in his company. We spoke about values, state of the world, differences and similarities in culture and how important it is to get fulfillment on a daily basis and how we can explore this path on a daily basis. When I suddenly looked at the watch, I realized that it was well past the time I had planned to leave. We started and ended on a high note.

I smiled and at that moment realized how important it is to be present. I remembered a quote From Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living by Pema Chödrön, page 116, that made perfect sense to me, because I had experienced this whilst I was conversing with this person. “If we really want to communicate, we have to give up knowing what to do. When we come in with our agendas, they only block us from seeing the person in front of us. It’s best to drop our five-year plans and accept the awkward sinking feeling that we are entering a situation naked. We don’t know what will happen or what we’ll do.”

How many times do we enter a room and feel uncomfortable ?

What is the reason for this discomfort?

Yes, there are many times when many of us come into a conversation with pre conceived notions or agendas.

Some of these situations, where I am aware, yet find it difficult to go with a completely open mind is

– interviews
– business development meetings
– networking drink or lunch meetings with no event attached
– a meeting where negotiation is part of the agenda
– meeting someone for the first time as a potential client
– meeting people ahead or after a workshop, training or presentation.

Over the years, I have become less conscious in some of the above situations because I have consciously told myself and re-engineered my brain to go with an open mind. I have also realized that the more I go with a preset notion or the more apprehensive I have been, the less effective the conversation has been.

Communication happens best when there are no agendas and you allow the space to be filled with the flow. The flow can be silence, laughter, conversation, emotions, body language, facial expressions and everything that allows you to be who you are. A space that allows your soul to shine and where you are not interrupted, judged, criticized or expected to act in a particular way.

Whilst not every conversation in our day-to-day life may quite meet the above, why don’t we create that flow in every opportunity that we communicate in?

How do leaders communicate in the know?

  1. by being flexible and adaptable
  2. by facilitating empowering and engaging conversations
  3. by listening to understand and not to respond
  4. listening without bias or prejudice
  5. listen to connect emotionally and intellectually and with empathy
  6. give undivided attention to the person with whom you are having a conversation with.
  7. a conversation is never one way though many behave in that fashion as was the lady in the meeting I attended on Wednesday. If you are a good communicator, you will initiate the conversation by taking genuine interest in others and what they have to say.
  8. you reinforce and clarify. You are concise and you encourage others to talk not only by the words you use but also by your body language and facial expressions.

When have you experienced communication at its best?

How are you creating the space for being a great communicator?

“That we close down is not a problem. In fact, to become aware of when we so is an important part of the training. The first step in cultivating loving-kindness is to see when we are erecting barriers between ourselves and others. Unless we understand-in a non-judgmental way-that we are hardening our hearts, there is no possibility of dissolving that armor. Without dissolving the armor, the loving-kindness of bodhisattva is always held back. We are always obstructing our innate capacity to love without an agenda.” ~Pema Chodron

How are you ready to play?

What has inspired you in those you consider good communicators and leaders?

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Leadership and Bias

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Encourage Objectivity & Avoid Bias

Encourage Objectivity & Avoid Bias

“She is quiet; she has probably nothing interesting to say”

“Investment bankers are all extroverts and make a lot of money”

“Oh you are Indian; you must have grown up in a caste system.”

“She is successful and has come up the ranks on the fast path. She must have achieved this because she is a flirt and has used her influence”

“A leader is one who manages team and is part of senior management”

 →What do these statements sound like to you?←

Asian/American, Male/Female, Extroverts/introverts, rich/poor, aggressive/meek is the common single story we hear or are categorized into.

You are categorized, stereotyped and generalized and not seen for your uniqueness, for your passions, your interests. Nor do you see others.

Bias creeps in our day-to-day life, and communication. This comes from our culture, our exposure or non-exposure, and our experiences.

♣But the real question is do we get so taken in by others beliefs and by our limited experience that we fail to see the uniqueness of the person in front of us♣

♣Do we fail to see that one person or a group of people don’t represent an entire country or gender?♣

Can Bias be fixed?

“I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.” ~Mother Teresa

There are people around you, in history, famous and not so quite famous who are changing bias and proving it by way of their actions. Some examples of people who fought bias…

Gender Bias – one of the most common biases that exists even in this day and age.

After graduation, Sudha Murthy became the first female engineer hired at India’s largest auto manufacturer TATA Engineering and Locomotive Company or TELCO. Murthy had written a postcard to the company’s Chairman complaining of the “men only” gender bias at TELCO. As a result, she was granted a special interview and hired immediately.

Disability bias – Man who lost his legs as a child scales 19,000ft-high Kilimanjaro by crawling on his HANDS for seven days.

There are many other stories of women and men who have not taken bias in their stride because they chose not to.

Eight Ways as Leaders to Overcome bias

->Ask yourself

  1. Is the issue with the person and how they behave or someone they remind you of?
  2. Does that person remind you of your fears or insecurities which triggers a bias ?
  3. Does this person behave or act in a manner that resembles that of a group that you know?
  4. Does any of the above impact you, your team or their work ?

-> Whenever you are in a moment when you think you will give in to generalizations, pause and reflect

  1. Have I been a victim of bias? What was the experience like?
  2. Would I like to be stereotyped?
  3. What if my creativity and who I am is not given recognition to?
  4. For every wrongful act done by someone from my gender or my country, or my industry would I like to be blamed?

 ->Remind yourself

  • Your mental models frame your thoughts and your thoughts in turn dictate your words. By reframing you create the environment and EI to respond to realities and communicate effectively.
  • Make a choice to step back and not allow spontaneity and your closed mind to create your bias.
  • Take responsibility to look around you, to observe the difference and to recognize that each individual is different in their own way.

As leaders, discover, become aware and deactivate your inappropriate biases. Isn’t leadership about your ability to connect, empathize, communicate and influence those around you by your words and actions ?

Reflective Questions for the Road to Identify and Introspect

As leaders, are you showing the character, the courage and the ability to do the right thing?

Are you happy to maintain your status quo and not challenge the accepted practices and stereotyping?

How are you growing and inculcating the change that you wish to see?

♦What would you like to add to this discussion?♦

The Missing Link In “The Customer Is the Boss”

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Photo credits : Lalita Raman

Photo credits : Lalita Raman

Have you ever thought like a customer when you are talking to a potential client?
Do you really care to understand what the customer wants ?

I was in Mumbai last week visiting my family for 4 days. My dad and mom are not keeping too well and I thought I must take some time out to be with them.

While I was there, I decided to complete some formalities that was pending with a bank account that I had opened. The relationship manager stated that he wanted copies of my passport, other identification documents and photographs. I was taken aback because I had submitted all of this in as many copies as was required by this bank, four months back. The relationship manager started giving me several reasons why he wanted those again, none of which sounded convincing to me. One of the reasons he gave me was that this was a compliance requirement. This is one of the top favorite reasons given by many a customer contact of most banks. The relationship manager did not take time to understand my requirements, figure out how much time I had and how to reduce the inefficiency for me.

Many customer contacts ever so often don’t represent their company well because they engage in the blame game. They stop caring about the relationship evident from their actions that it is all about a sale, a transaction or an account to be opened.

Not for a moment people like this relationship manager, that I met at this bank, stop to reflect and ask
-> Would I as a customer like to receive the same treatment?
-> How can I make it seamless and efficient for a client who deals with my organization?
-> How can I as a contact point for the client stop the client from getting hassled through the procedural hoops within my organization ?
 -> What can I do or not do to make this relationship valuable for each client?

THE CUSTOMER IS THE REAL BOSS – “All Associates work for the customers who buy our merchandise. In fact, the customer can fire everybody in our Company. And they can do it by simply spending their money somewhere else. The greatest measure of our success is how well we please the customer, ‘Our Boss’. Let’s all support Aggressive Hospitality and have our customers leave 100% satisfied every day.”—Sam Walton, The Founder of Wal-Mart

Do you as CEO, sales contact, sales head, Chairman or Business owner, leader ask What are the central issues, changes or challenges that your client is currently dealing with ?

How can I help resolve some of those issues with respect to the services that are provided by my organization?

Do you start with the client in mind or a sale approach in mind ?

A sale is not just about an account being opened or a transaction being made but it is about establishing a relationship of trust, rapport and caring for the customer’s needs. A sale can take place only if the customer feels that the relationship is worth it. No deal can be struck overnight and this is something that is over looked in today’s culture of immediacy,

What are the keys to turning transaction sales attitude to a long-standing relationship?

I think the key ingredient is Empathy. Because when you are empathetic

1. You think and act from the customer’s perspective. This creates Trust and Builds Rapport.

2. You listen to understand the customer and not serve, just to make a sale or a transaction. You are able to explain what services you can offer to meet those needs. It also allows you to be candid in instances where you think your products or services will not match what the customer is looking for. And in understanding the customer and in describing what you can offer, you indicate not only your empathy but competence

3. You show that you care for the customer and the relationship. Why do we often hear stories or have had experiences where the visual image you have of a sales person is someone who will be pushy? Because they only care for their sale rather than understanding what the customers need?

4. You are engaged.

Let me share a personal story of mine which I experienced whilst in Mumbai.

I had got myself a Samsung S4 earlier this year. I have always been an iPhone fan but have been disappointed with their products ever since Steve Jobs passed away. Though I had got myself an S4, I was using it only for clicking pictures because the picture quality is outstanding and beats iPhone 5 hands down. I decided I’ll use my S4 whilst in Mumbai. My sister uses Samsung and has been a fan of the same. The S4 I have is 16GB memory which is against my normal practice of getting 64GB. So I decided to go to the Samsung shop with my sister and get myself a Micro SD card of 64GB capacity. The person who was servicing me was someone whom my sister has been dealing with. I was pleased with my experience of dealing with him. But the WOW experience was when I, by mistake, deleted the photos on my Micro SD card when I was fiddling with moving and copying things from my phone to the SD Card. I was upset that I had lost all my good pictures. So I did a search on Google and found a method to retrieve deleted photos from the Micro SD card. I called up this person at the shop and told him about the mishap and the possible route of recovery. He said he had never done this before but he can help me because he has a card reader. He told me he will test out this method and call me back within an hour or two. This person went out of his way to help me. He deleted some photos from his own device and checked if this route that I had suggested would work. I recovered my photos and but for the empathy that this salesperson at that shop showed, I would never have been able to do so without any additional expenditure and in such a short time. His act of empathy has now made me a Samsung fan and I am curious to explore the phone and check it out. I also bought two other accessories from that shop. His empathetic behavior has turned me into a satisfied customer. He was a classic example of a super engaged employee and I observed that there were many other return customers, just like my sister, to that shop.

5. You build your brand without concerted efforts in making that happen. The above example fits this point well.

6. You enrich the experience for the customer and get their buy in which holds stead to a long-term relationship.

7. You communicate with clarity and help your and your Company’s growth.

Have you ever considered that if we don’t like something forced down on us why would someone else want that ?
Do you as leaders build an organization that cares and your representatives are empathetic?
Do you treat your customers as the boss in your words, action and behavior?

For Coaching, Facilitating and Speaking Connect. About Lalita Raman

Leadership In Troubled Times

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Photo credit : Lalita Raman

Photo credit : Lalita Raman

The CEO of the Company was having his monthly meeting with his direct reports to discuss achievements, strengths, opportunities missed or well used and way forward.
Jack, the CFO of the company had attended several of these meetings and felt the quality of these meetings had deteriorated. In the moments of silence, whenever he was an observer, he felt these meetings had become agreeable in nature and no brainstorming was encouraged.

Just in the last meeting he had raised an objection to the way the revenues were being earned and the way the company was going about increasing its market share and how in the medium to long-term the company may not be able to hold its market share. He also had concerns on the franchise value which he thought he will bring it up later. Despite presenting solutions he was left with the feeling that by raising a different perspective, he was considered possibly a rebel. The room didn’t celebrate his passion for the business nor appreciate his concern.

Don’t trouble trouble till trouble troubles you because if you trouble trouble, trouble will trouble you. As a kid I used to play this tongue twister with my friends.

Today in many organizations and in many societies, many individuals as so-called leaders and many others in their daily walk of life seem to be applying this tongue twister in every sense of the word.

As Dr. King said: “An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.”

People hesitate to speak up about injustices, poor practices, processes that don’t make sense. Many times these procedures and archaic practices creates a significant amount of unnecessary complexity and fosters a passive acceptance of the status quo.

The real test of your leadership comes not only when you identify a problem but also after you identify the problem. You then bring it to the forefront and take action to rectify it. Problems are signposts that you can’t and must not ignore and it is essential to see, speak up against, and address them in order to move forward.

Think back of those moments when you were considered a rebel because you didn’t go with the flow, challenged the methods and raised your concerns.

Do you as a true leader ignore the dissenting inner voice ?
Do you give up challenging a situation just because you are going to meet resistance?
Do you stop advocating an idea because it is not met with eyes of approval?
Do you have the courage to do what is right even if it is not the most popular?
Do you surround yourself with a team of people who can challenge your thinking and whose strengths make up for your deficits?

If you look at leaders like Steve Jobs or Martin Luther King they and their ideology or ways were not accepted easily. They were considered as dissenters or dogmatic when they started off.

To stand out from a crowd despite working in the interest of the vision of the organization could be overwhelming and for sure not comfortable. Your character as a leader is on a test in such situations. Yes and for many people who choose to stand out for what is right, their careers may have suffered and some called as not fitting in.

As leaders how do you point others to the new horizons or to the vision of the organization and yet show that the current practices aren’t going to achieve the same or what others are missing out ?

1. Leaders lead from their heart and are guided by their within.
2. Leaders by pointing out what others don’t see do not intend to be antagonistic but take responsibility, show accountability and a sense of ownership.
3. Leaders do not allow their values and the organization values to be overridden by keeping silent.
4. Leaders lead by their life and foster an environment and culture of being committed and not allow others perspectives or views to deter them.
 5. Leaders must develop a lower threshold for alibis and become better communicators and enforcers of what they want done. If you are more interested in being liked and popular than holding people accountable for results, you have a serious leadership weakness. It is not your job to make people happy. Your job is to get them better. Holding people accountable to high standards and results is nothing to apologize for. Failing to stretch them to their potential is.” -Dave Anderson

Education and experience is not only for acquisition of technical skills and knowledge but to develop that bent of mind and an attitude of responsibility, courage and above all be human.

Reflective Questions

What problems have you overcome today?
How well are you serving as a leader that only you can serve ?
Are you leading to your organization’s vision with humility, courage, and empathy?

Fake It Till You Make It

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One of my sister’s friends’ colleague Anita, submitted her resignation recently, since she had found another job. Whilst she was serving her notice period, she still kept hoping that she would be asked to stay in her current organization. She was almost nearing the end of her notice period when my sister’s friend asked Anita why she wanted to stay back. Anita did not have any job in hand. She had pulled a fast one since she believed in doing so, she would get a salary hike with her current company.

You have probably heard of “Fake it till you Make it” ever so often. I have always wondered about this statement.

Do you fake
→your values, authenticity, talents and skills?
→your job, salary, what you can afford
→your emotions, compliments and the way you articulate
→who you are

Fake it till you make it or become it seems to be losing its essence in the way people are using it. I have always understood “Fake it Till You Make it” as, to get over your negative self talk, to believe in yourself, to achieve your dreams and not have your inner critique take over.

From when did it become not being authentic, or being a hypocrite or lying about who you are or what you have?

There are many Anita’s I hear about or meet and I look at them and wonder

♣why do you do what you do?
♣would you rather put on a facade and continue the path of self-deception or be true to your inner self?
♣how long will you keep running away from your inner voice?
♣what would you be proud of yourself and who you are today?
♣what legacy do you want to leave behind in people’s hearts?
♣are you putting away your darkest fears and doubts by being who you are not ?

Psychological research shows that the self-fulfilling prophecy works for both negative and positive predictions, indicating, again, that the beliefs you hold have an impact on what happens to you. And in making something happen, you got to believe that it is possible and you are capable. This extends to your confidence with respect to public speaking, being able to deliver a presentation  or a project. The placebo effect works when applied to build and boost your confidence, when you have the skill set, and are adequately prepared.
We all have moments when we need to fake the confidence, to believe we can do it.By allowing yourself to build and applaud that skill that you have needs to be practiced without any intentional deceit or harm.

Reflective Questions

♣Are you doing what you are doing to establish credibility?
♣What are your core values? Does your behavior and actions reflect your values?
♣How are you living in alignment with your values?
♣Are you building or harming your character in getting over your negative beliefs ?

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