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Top 5 Secrets To Make Resolutions Happen

20 February 2013 By Lalita Raman 1 Comment

Albert Einstein said, “The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It can’t be changed without changing our thought.”

At the beginning of each new year, many of us make resolutions. These resolutions may be to eat healthy, exercise more, sleep early, practice mindfulness, be more patient, stop multitasking, etc.  Most of these resolutions are goals we set ourselves for self-improvement. We need a constant mindset to improve daily.

What is common in all the above cases ? It is a Resolve.  A resolve to

  • Do better
  • Be better
  • Change for the better
  • Speak up against injustice and oppression.
  • Recognize our inner critique and not allow it to be our bully.
  • Listen to our inner voice every time we waiver from being a human.

 There is a fixity of purpose, and unless we have this resolve and take a step ahead by committing to this choice, change will not happen.

I like to think a resolve adds meaning to random thoughts, procrastination to change and forces us to commit to the change. It is something we set our mind to and goes beyond a random wish. It is an enthusiasm, a passion to explore and turn into better realities rather than come mid year when we realize that we have forgotten about the new year resolutions.

How does one stick to one’s Resolve? Effective management of any change requires managing five key goals which is well explained by the ADKAR model.

1. Awareness:  to change a habit or a behavior or a situation, you have to want to change.

For that it is important to ask:

How do you view the current state?

How do you perceive the habit or the behavior or the current situation?

Contestability of the reasons for change?

WHY is it important to change?

2. Desire to want to change. A desire to participate and support the change. What are your intrinsic motivators unique to you to allow for change

3. Knowledge of how to change and what the change looks like. If I want to lose weight, I need to know how to go about losing weight and what will the process will look like. Important considerations here are your current knowledge base on the area you want to make the change in, capability to gain additional knowledge, what are the resources available and can you gain access to all or most of the relevant resources.

Let’s take the case of a woman facing domestic violence. She has got through step 1 and 2, the A and D, then she needs to ask herself what is her current knowledge on how she is going to stop being a victim of domestic violence, what resources is readily available to her that she already knows of, how is she going to gain additional knowledge of the sources of information to help her out of this situation – may be help line nos., the steps she needs to take to ensure her own safety and finally how easily accessible is each of these resources

4. Ability – do I have the ability to change. What if any are the psychological blocks (what in your own mindset that will work against you), physical and intellectual capability where relevant, and the time you are willing to devote to make that resolve happen. If your resolve is to get over your fear of public speaking, you need to evaluate your mental blocks, befriend your inner critic, time you are willing to devote to practice and get over the fear, the willingness to get a help from a coach who can assist you in making that resolve happen

5. Reinforcement – sustainable change rather than for a short time. The degree to which the change is meaningful (I’m making a difference), the absence of negative consequences, the ability to overcome hurdles along the journey and an accountability mechanism that creates an ongoing mechanism to reinforce the changes. The mindset above all to keep the change in place despite humps and setbacks along the way.

In an organizational context it is important for the managers and the leaders to recognize that all have talents, skills, and abilities. Question to ask in the process of any change is how do you apply the talents, abilities and resources you have. It is important to engage the team in a cause bigger than themselves, something they feel passionate about and one that makes them come alive. A true leader knows this, understand this and is able to provide this in an organization.

In any personal change, to commit to change ask yourself what is the trigger? Is it an adversity or a reward? What value are you creating for yourself and the people around you by resolving to change? In any change it is important to be aware of the value in it before you can make the change. Only then can you engage in the resolve with your heart, your brain and your guts.

The world is full of thinkers, dreamers and talkers. You can make a difference by making things happen because you believe you can.

What are your psychological blocks?

What are your reinforcements?

What are your triggers

Are you committed to change?

 “If you really desire something, the whole universe will conspire to help you.” ― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist. I would add if you desire something and commit to that desire nothing can stop you. You will make The Resolve happen.

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Filed Under: Coaching, Habits, Lead From Within, Leadership & Personal Development, Life Tagged With: ADKAR, Albert Einstein, Alchemist, Business, Change management, Domestic violence, Leadership, leadfromwithin, Management, New Year Resolutions, Organizational Change, Paulo Coelho

“Be My Valentine – 1 Billion Rising”

14 February 2013 By Lalita Raman 1 Comment

As I’m writing this in the wee hours of the morning, before the crack of dawn, Valentine’s Day is slowly but surely rolling out.

The Valentine Day fever or retail mania has started off a week to 10 days back even in the non Western world. From India, Pakistan, Hong Kong, China and various nook and corners of Asia, it is almost impossible to miss the fervor of this special day.

What is Valentine’s Day ? I won’t bore you with details but for the curios mind, you can check the link.

The significance from what I have read and understood is that it marks the Feast day of Saint Valentine; the celebration of Love and affection.

In my view, love and affection can be to your mother, wife, girl friend, boy friend, spouse, friend, brother, sister, father, child or for that matter to any human being.

I’ve never been a big fan of Valentine’s Day because the true meaning has been lost over the years in the way it is commercialized and has in my view become one of the biggest money-making business. One loses their peace of mind with advance restaurant bookings, retailers wooing you with the Valentine’s Day clichés, set menus in restaurants with no choice left to you to choose what you desire to eat.

On this Valentine’s Day and going forward ask yourself 

  • Is this all that Love and Affection is about ?
  • Are you further victimizing a woman who has already been sexually assaulted by your attitude and lewd comments ?
  • Do you find power in degrading a woman mentally and physically ?
  • Are you not ostracizing woman when you make statements to the effect that woman walk in perpetual consent when they dress the way they want?
  • Are you not being an oppressor watching a rape or sexual assault silently ?
  • Are you not contributing to violence against woman when you watch TV shows and movies that show woman as a commodity ?
  • Are you not being a sexist when you engage in verbal sexual assaults or silently watch the same against a woman ?
  • Are you not bringing disdain to love and affection when you decide to abort a child when you determine the sex of the child is female ?
  • Are you not aiding and abetting with the oppressors when you don’t raise your voice against Female Genital Mutation, sexual abuse or harassment or female feticide or any other form of violence against women. 
  • For anyone who thinks women should ignore online harassment, and not react, would you do so?  Would you ignore it if you are abused, and threatened on-line ?
  • Why do you as society victimize a female and view her with a cacophony of distrust ?
  • Are you treating the woman in your life with love, affection, respect and care? 
  • Are you being human while dealing with a woman ?

Key Highlights from onebillionrising.org. Watch the Video  http://t.co/uK97Qnko.

“ONE IN THREE WOMEN ON THE PLANET WILL BE RAPED OR BEATEN IN HER LIFETIME.

ONE BILLION WOMEN VIOLATED IS AN ATROCITY

ONE BILLION WOMEN DANCING IS A REVOLUTION

On V-Day’s 15th Anniversary, 14 February 2013, we are inviting ONE BILLION women and those who love them to WALK OUT, DANCE, RISE UP, and DEMAND an end to this violence. ONE BILLION RISING will move the earth, activating women and men across every country. V-Day wants the world to see our collective strength, our numbers, our solidarity across borders.

What does ONE BILLION look like? On 14 February 2013, it will look like a REVOLUTION.

ONE BILLION RISING IS:

A global strike

An invitation to dance

A call to men and women to refuse to participate in the status quo until rape and rape culture ends

An act of solidarity, demonstrating to women the commonality of their struggles and their power in numbers

A refusal to accept violence against women and girls as a given

A new time and a new way of being.”

Change starts with you, with your family. If you change your mindsets and attitudes, and every member of your family did the same, this world will no longer have woman who are treated as a Sexual Commodity to be harassed, tortured, raped, humiliated or killed. 

Start now, start today. Speak up, spread the good word of Be A Human and a Woman is Human. Raise your voice as a human being and bring Violence Against Women to an END. 

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Filed Under: Violence Against Women, Woman, Women Tagged With: 1BillionRising, Hong Kong, India, leadfromwithin, Love, Pakistan, Rape, Revolution, Saint Valentine, Valentine Day, Violence Against Women, Violence and Abuse, Women

Is “MOTIVATION” a Scam ?

5 February 2013 By Lalita Raman 3 Comments

Who Is Awesome ?YOU ARE

Who’s Awesome ?
YOU ARE
PHOTO : LALITA RAMAN

 

One of my friends takes every chance to state on Twitter, in his daily conversations and probably in his own thoughts that, “Motivation Is A Scam.”

You have had a tough day at work, you come home hoping to unwind and relax. However, your daughter who was slightly unwell develops high fever and you end up spending the entire night at the hospital. You have to go to work the next day since you are trying to finalize on some important deals and meet some deadlines. You are not in the best framework but still manage to get through your deadlines when half way through the day you are told you miss the deal. What drives you up the wall is that the reason you lost the deal was absolutely silly. You are at your lowest and your state of mind is such that it is reeling in negative thoughts. You have been through a series of such bad patches and you force yourself to get out of this negative vicious circle.

You know what it is like continuing to be there and you think back to your WHY and what you believe in ? What does this sound like, to you ?

“Motivation is the psychological feature that arouses an organism to action toward a desired goal and elicits, controls, and sustains certain goal directed behaviors. It can be considered a driving force; a psychological drive that compels or reinforces an action toward a desired goal. For example, hunger is a =motivation that elicits a desire to eat. Motivation has been shown to have roots in physiological, behavioral, cognitive, and social areas.”

More often than not motivation is telling yourself that a greater reward is awaiting if you continue to believe in your “Why”. Most of us believe that our feelings cause our behavior. However, research indicates that feelings often follow our behavioral choices which follows our thoughts. So if we choose to get out of negative thoughts we can control our behavior too. For all this to happen there needs to be a reason for each of us to do so and this reason is Motivation. Not surprising that one of the most popular themes on the Internet is on personal development and growth. However, the tips and articles can only be inspiring and useful if you decide to change and have the inclination to do so.

Motivation will remain a scam if the burning desire to change or do something meaningful is lacking within you.

We can control our behaviors by controlling the words we speak to ourselves and thoughts that we engage in. I find that if I use words and thoughts that engage, challenge, encourage and empower, I am able to move forward. Non-stop exposure to negativity by way of words, thoughts or company we are in disrupts our memory, attention, and judgment. When we speak to ourselves and others, words that express confidence, faith, and hope without sacrificing the truth helps to inspire others and yourself. Try it.

When does motivation become a scam?

  • If you start to sell trash in the name of inspiring others.
  • If you don’t live your words
  • If you aren’t engaging with people in real discussions
  • If you think you know it all and stop listening to others
  • If you aren’t helping someone who is struggling with being stuck in a negative vicious circle.

Life is about living and each of us go through our share of struggles in life. Our inner self has to be the biggest motivator and in moments when we struggle we take aid from friends, family and true inspiring stories. My biggest motivation and learning is from real life stories and how some people despite all odds get what they aimed for. An example in the attached you tube.

Coming back to this friend of mine, despite his continued belief, he is doing an inspiring and motivational show !

Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy. 
Norman Vincent Peale 

 

 

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Filed Under: Habits Tagged With: behavior, Confidence trick, Health, Jill Bolte Taylor, leadfromwithin, life, Mental Health, Motivation, Self-help, Stroke Of Insight, Thought, Twitter, You Are Awesome, You Matter

5 Strategies To Get Out of Your “COMFORT ZONE”

7 January 2013 By Lalita Raman 2 Comments

“The soul should always stand ajar, ready to welcome the ecstatic experience.”  Emily Dickinson

We all like our comfort zones.  It feels cozy, and we feel we are in cruise control.  Comfort zones however lull us into believing that the fear we feel to try something new is justified and acceptable. However, being in the comfort zone leads you to stop growing and learning. No matter who you are, you cannot stop learning and to learn you need to get out of your comfort zone. You may have heard your friends or colleagues who have the fear of public speaking or doing bungee jumping or swimming or even hiking a steep hill.

Common statements you hear from this fear are :

“I’m no good at public speaking”.

“I hate public speaking.”

“I’m scared of heights.”

“You are too good at this, there is no way I can make such good presentations”.

Most of these are, more often than not, self-limiting beliefs.  I agree each of our talents are different but unless you try how would you know if you are good at it or not?

What are you limiting by being within your comfort zone?

For the FULL POST CLICK THIS LINK

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Filed Under: Coaching, Habits, Lead From Within, Leadership & Personal Development, Life Tagged With: beliefs, bungee jumping, Business, Comfort zone, commitments, Communication, courage, CS Lewis, Emily Dickinson, Glossophobia, leadfromwithin, learning, Les Brown, Life of Pi, Napoleon Hill, Public speaking, Questions, self limiting, talent, Tiger, zig ziglar.

Don’t Walk Away From These 15 Learnings Of An Entrepreneur

18 September 2012 By Lalita Raman 4 Comments

“Set your goals higher than you can achieve.” Ted Turner

You have been working over 15 years with various multinationals. You have come up the rung of the Corporate Ladder having tried various roles with various organizations and in different countries.  You enjoyed the success, the learning, the challenges and the network of your contacts.

There are great advantages of Corporate Life some of them being the pay check, the power that goes with your position and the time you can decide to be away from office on vacation.  But yet some of us reach a stage that we decide to leave the Corporate World. We decide to venture out on our own to follow a dream, a passion and be an entrepreneur.

I decided to become an entrepreneur recently, after my stint in the Corporate World and I wanted to share some of my learnings in this journey:

1. Don’t reinvent the wheel – learn from the success stories and set backs of others and use that as an enriching experience to lay your own path.

2. Cash flow – before you decide to take the plunge, make sure you know your cash flow, and plan your outflows for the next 8-12 months.  There is always a lead time to establish yourselves in whatever you seek to do and during this time your outflows will exceed your inflows.

3. Partners – Determine if you want to venture on your own or with a partner. Choose to go with a partner with complementary skills. Ask yourself “Do I like working with this person?” “Can we be with each other through thick and thin?”. Decide how many people you want in partnership. Decide on the structure.

4. Down days than up days – learn to take notice of small things and be thankful. It is those little things that will keep you going especially when you feel you have more down days than up days.

5. Family support – you need unconditional support from your family. Your spouse or partner needs to understand and buy into the one non earning member status till you establish your business.

6. Support around you – in the Corporate world you have the support of IT, Human Resources, back office staff and many others. When you set up your own venture you have to wear several hats and learn to deal with the various issues that arise. Learn to take critique but stay away from the naysayers and those who attempt to bring you down by their talk and action.

7. Personal brand – You are your personal brand. Do not underestimate it. It is your values, skills, talents and how you engage both personally and professionally. It is how you walk your talk. Be consistent in what you say, do and let your actions give power to your words.

8. Passion – ask yourself why you decided to quit Corporate life. Remind yourself of your passion and let that be a motivation to move forward.

9. Patience – this is an absolute prerequisite.  There are days when you feel like giving up but it is absolutely essential to give yourself time. Be optimistic but a realist. Do not set unachievable targets. Choose to walk away from an option but do not give up on your ultimate passion and goal.  Don’t latch onto the idea you first think of but keep an open mind and brain storm various ideas. Talk to a Coach who can enable you to make informed choices.

“Everyone needs a Coach.” Eric Schmidt

10. Personal sacrifices – there are many sacrifices you’ll have to make for e.g. Not going on a holiday, working over weekends, not going out for dinners or parties as often as you may have liked to, not being a shopaholic, cutting down on your sleep hours and TV time. Don’t forget to take a break and get yourself recharged & refreshed.

11. People, process & performance – trust and rely on your networks and connections. Learn to trust your own intuition. Remember to set clear processes but be flexible. Always obtain feedback and check your progress and performance regularly.

“Leave your ego at the door.” Howard Schulz

12. Discipline – Be positive but don’t use positivity to stop thinking about real, practical challenges in your life. Be disciplined and know when to cut your loss.

“There’s a difference between effectiveness and efficiency.” Rick Warren 

13. Exit strategy – if you have put your heart and soul to it and if the venture does not work out for reasons beyond your control, plan your exit strategy. Don’t allow your emotion to take control and affect your rational thinking.

“Follow the argument where it leads.” Anthony Flew

14. Why? Every time you get frustrated and overwhelmed on your down days, remind yourself of the “Why?”. I ventured into Coaching And Leadership because I wanted to make a difference, build something with my own hands and in doing so learn something new and ride the adventure.

15. Cushion – be prepared for setbacks but let those not be road blocks. Build enough cushion for yourself and always be a realist. Even the toughest knight has weak moments but let those not be reasons to give up.

Give yourself time and support, be realistic and remember that the choice that you make today will affect you forever.

“Leave Behind More Than You Can Take.” Ursula Burns

What have you learnt from being an entrepreneur? How have you dealt with some setbacks? What would you do different if you turned back the clock?

Please share your views or learnings in the comment section below.

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Filed Under: Entrepreneur Tagged With: coaching, entrepreneur, leadfromwithin, learning, optimism, patience

Walk The Talk : Do Your Actions Give Power To Your Word

1 June 2012 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

“What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Let your actions drown your words. Are you Walking Your Talk. Are you Leading By Example

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Filed Under: Leadership & Personal Development Tagged With: committment, lead by example, Leadership, leadfromwithin, walk the talk

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