Little Things That Matter

Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

The Essence Of A Simple Life

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Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

The sun shines brightly, the sky is blue, the wind blows gently on your face and November – March is the best time to have several dates with nature. I enjoy hiking and being up, close and personal with nature.

I went on a hike on Sunday and it was up one of the shortest but steepest peaks in Hong Kong. The path was gravelly with the downhill more challenging than the uphill.

With each of these hikes along a gravelly downhill path, I can’t help but think about life and the challenging moments she throws at us.

I tread the path downhill with care, caution yet overcoming the fear that I will go tumbling down. That is where focus, mindfulness and believing in myself helps a lot. How similar is this to life in the down and out moments?

I have also observed that people whom I meet in these hikes are friendly, smiling, willing to help and appear more relaxed and filled with eagerness to reach the top of the hill and explore their own fitness or new routes or adventures. You’ll most likely have an exactly opposite experience in the hum drum of the city if you were to bump into the same person on a week day near the office.

How can we bring this human touch to a manic day ?
How do we live life and enjoy the moments that she blesses us with ?
What has each reconnection with nature taught me ?

  1. Saying “please”, “thank you”, “sorry” honestly, sincerely and spontaneously. Smile because you don’t need a reason.
  2. Give honest and sincere appreciation to people whom you work with and to your near and dear ones.
  3. Replying to emails or returning phone calls because you care and you can show you care.
  4. Walking away when a negative emotion arises and not falling prey to that vulnerable moment.
  5. Forgive even when someone has hurt you not for them but for you to heal.
  6. Challenge yourself, step out of your comfort zone, grow and develop but learn to be compassionate with yourself.
  7. When you are alone watch your thoughts and when you are with others watch your words.
  8. Being committed to your word to others because you care for your character.
  9. Recognizing your ideal self and invoking essence of hope and compassion.
  10. Doing a random act of kindness to another human being or creature.
  11. Reading a good book as a regular habit.
  12. Spending time with Nature in the form of hikes, treks, swimming, rafting, sky diving and various other outdoor activities.
  13. Spending quality time with family and friends and doing it often.
  14. Lighting aromatic candles in your home and decorating your home with bright colors.
  15. Listening to understand and not to respond.

Each downturn or challenging moment in work or life although similar to the gravelly narrow path downhill seems to be more stressful. Whilst what life throws at us is not entirely within our control the attitude we take is entirely within our control.

I remind myself of some of the 15 points that I have mentioned, in my down and vulnerable moments.

→Resonant leaders are those who are emotionally self-aware, socially intelligent and have the cognitive intelligence.
→What do you do to not fall a victim to your moment of stress ?
→How are you becoming resonant leaders?

For Coaching, Facilitating and Speaking Connect. About Lalita Raman

Leadership And The Art Of Communication

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Last week on Wednesday, I was attending a meeting and one of the conversations was about organizing events where we could bring out the best in Women and show diversity of women by getting those who practice it to share their experiences. Along with this, some of us were of the view that we should combine this talk with some fun, food and frolic. While this conversation was going on, I suggested that maybe we should consider a theme party and before I could finish my statement, I heard a woman who was dominating the meeting till then, cut me off by laughing and saying “oh God, no, I hate fancy dress parties”.

For a second or two I was upset but decided to smile. I smiled, because at that moment I had a flash of this particular extract from Pema Chodron’s quotes that I had read the day before.

“It’s not life that causes suffering, says Buddhist teacher Pema Chödrön, it’s our story about life—our interpretation—that causes so much distress. When we practice interrupting the story we’re telling ourselves, and learn to ride the wave of emotions that inevitably come up in life, we can find a new freedom and flexibility in the face of uncertainty and change.”

I shy away from networking meetings, especially those over drinks or lunch without a talk or event. One of the main reasons I’m uncomfortable with these type of networking events is that I find most people not wanting to have a proper conversation. Most, whom I encounter at such events are those who give you a fleeting glance whilst making an effort to talk to you. They are either too busy with their smart phones or scouting the room whilst pretending to talk to you or anyone else they meet in the room.

Last Thursday, I made a conscious effort to go to one of the Alumni networking events and whilst I was almost on my way out, I met a person with whom I had a long and meaningful conversation. This person appealed to me because he did not flash his ego or titles or business cards or his position in his company. We spoke about values, state of the world, differences and similarities in culture and how important it is to get fulfillment on a daily basis and how we can explore this path on a daily basis. When I suddenly looked at the watch, I realized that it was well past the time I had planned to leave. We started and ended on a high note.

I smiled and at that moment realized how important it is to be present. I remembered a quote From Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living by Pema Chödrön, page 116, that made perfect sense to me, because I had experienced this whilst I was conversing with this person. “If we really want to communicate, we have to give up knowing what to do. When we come in with our agendas, they only block us from seeing the person in front of us. It’s best to drop our five-year plans and accept the awkward sinking feeling that we are entering a situation naked. We don’t know what will happen or what we’ll do.”

How many times do we enter a room and feel uncomfortable ?

What is the reason for this discomfort?

Yes, there are many times when many of us come into a conversation with pre conceived notions or agendas.

Some of these situations, where I am aware, yet find it difficult to go with a completely open mind is

– interviews
– business development meetings
– networking drink or lunch meetings with no event attached
– a meeting where negotiation is part of the agenda
– meeting someone for the first time as a potential client
– meeting people ahead or after a workshop, training or presentation.

Over the years, I have become less conscious in some of the above situations because I have consciously told myself and re-engineered my brain to go with an open mind. I have also realized that the more I go with a preset notion or the more apprehensive I have been, the less effective the conversation has been.

Communication happens best when there are no agendas and you allow the space to be filled with the flow. The flow can be silence, laughter, conversation, emotions, body language, facial expressions and everything that allows you to be who you are. A space that allows your soul to shine and where you are not interrupted, judged, criticized or expected to act in a particular way.

Whilst not every conversation in our day-to-day life may quite meet the above, why don’t we create that flow in every opportunity that we communicate in?

How do leaders communicate in the know?

  1. by being flexible and adaptable
  2. by facilitating empowering and engaging conversations
  3. by listening to understand and not to respond
  4. listening without bias or prejudice
  5. listen to connect emotionally and intellectually and with empathy
  6. give undivided attention to the person with whom you are having a conversation with.
  7. a conversation is never one way though many behave in that fashion as was the lady in the meeting I attended on Wednesday. If you are a good communicator, you will initiate the conversation by taking genuine interest in others and what they have to say.
  8. you reinforce and clarify. You are concise and you encourage others to talk not only by the words you use but also by your body language and facial expressions.

When have you experienced communication at its best?

How are you creating the space for being a great communicator?

“That we close down is not a problem. In fact, to become aware of when we so is an important part of the training. The first step in cultivating loving-kindness is to see when we are erecting barriers between ourselves and others. Unless we understand-in a non-judgmental way-that we are hardening our hearts, there is no possibility of dissolving that armor. Without dissolving the armor, the loving-kindness of bodhisattva is always held back. We are always obstructing our innate capacity to love without an agenda.” ~Pema Chodron

How are you ready to play?

What has inspired you in those you consider good communicators and leaders?

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Leadership and The Art of Taking On A Challenge

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I go the gym daily and on Sunday I decided to try something different and attended a class called Bosu Blast.
Trying anything new is challenging but this workout was more daunting than I had expected.
As I was trying to balance myself, step in and out of the BOSU ball, I realized that I not only had to maintain my balance but control the right muscles to be able to maintain my stability, use my core, and be quick and coordinated with the music and the rest of the class.   Phew, easier said than done.
I was lost in the first five to seven minutes, especially on some of the moves and to top the discomfort, I lost my balance and twisted my ankle.
At that moment, I decided to control my monkey mind and focus on what I wanted to achieve, learn which muscles I need to control to maintain my balance and yet be agile. Bottom line,  I decided not to be spooked by a ball but believe in myself.
The workout was for an hour and after adopting the attitude of dare, try, observe, learn, I thoroughly enjoyed the last 40 minutes.  No, I was not close to being perfect but I had a good cardio workout, and was ready to challenge myself for the same class next time.
  • Doesn’t life present us with many situations similar to this ?
  • What makes the difference in that moment of choice  and decision?
  • What can we do as leaders in daily life and in our organizations ?
Every time we face a new or uncomfortable situation most of us experience negative thoughts and emotions.
  • Do we buy into our negative thoughts, feelings and emotions?               OR
  • Do we run away from them and avoid them like a barge pole ?              OR
  • Do we recognize those emotions and make a conscious decision to overcome them?

What can you do as a leader?

  1. Structure – an essential discipline in every leader.  You need to believe in yourself. Remember, your team draws on your confidence, ability and strength to lead the organization to its vision.  Structure gives you the boundaries within which you know you have to operate but not necessarily restrict to.
  2. Independent – you need to think independently as to what will work for you, your team and your organization in that moment of choice. Of course you can’t be in the know about everything. Drawing the synergy of the necessary resources is something that should come naturally to you as a leader. Reflect and introspect so that you have your moments of insight to enable you to make sound decisions and judgments.
  3. Collaboration – as a leader you are not expected to know everything. Brainstorming ideas and collaborating with your team, will engage and enable them to use their strengths and talents to work towards the vision.
  4. Creativity – you test your limits in challenging situations. As a leader you need to go out of your comfort zone to grow, develop, welcome changes and face bumps on the road.
  5. Emotional self-awareness and emotional self-control – you need to be mentally strong to manage your thoughts, feelings, emotions and words. Being achievement oriented, having a positive outlook and a strong EI will enable you to reach your vision. As a leader, seek to look at the big picture but at the same time do not forget the short-term steps required to achieve your long-term vision. Have the mental agility and toughness to face uncertainties and learn from your mistakes,
→As a leader, are you ready to influence and inspire by being resilient, empathetic and adaptable?
 
→What are the performance distinguishing competencies that you aspire to develop and achieve as a leader?
 
→How do you seek to influence those whose lives you touch?
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Leadership and Bias

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Encourage Objectivity & Avoid Bias

Encourage Objectivity & Avoid Bias

“She is quiet; she has probably nothing interesting to say”

“Investment bankers are all extroverts and make a lot of money”

“Oh you are Indian; you must have grown up in a caste system.”

“She is successful and has come up the ranks on the fast path. She must have achieved this because she is a flirt and has used her influence”

“A leader is one who manages team and is part of senior management”

 →What do these statements sound like to you?←

Asian/American, Male/Female, Extroverts/introverts, rich/poor, aggressive/meek is the common single story we hear or are categorized into.

You are categorized, stereotyped and generalized and not seen for your uniqueness, for your passions, your interests. Nor do you see others.

Bias creeps in our day-to-day life, and communication. This comes from our culture, our exposure or non-exposure, and our experiences.

♣But the real question is do we get so taken in by others beliefs and by our limited experience that we fail to see the uniqueness of the person in front of us♣

♣Do we fail to see that one person or a group of people don’t represent an entire country or gender?♣

Can Bias be fixed?

“I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.” ~Mother Teresa

There are people around you, in history, famous and not so quite famous who are changing bias and proving it by way of their actions. Some examples of people who fought bias…

Gender Bias – one of the most common biases that exists even in this day and age.

After graduation, Sudha Murthy became the first female engineer hired at India’s largest auto manufacturer TATA Engineering and Locomotive Company or TELCO. Murthy had written a postcard to the company’s Chairman complaining of the “men only” gender bias at TELCO. As a result, she was granted a special interview and hired immediately.

Disability bias – Man who lost his legs as a child scales 19,000ft-high Kilimanjaro by crawling on his HANDS for seven days.

There are many other stories of women and men who have not taken bias in their stride because they chose not to.

Eight Ways as Leaders to Overcome bias

->Ask yourself

  1. Is the issue with the person and how they behave or someone they remind you of?
  2. Does that person remind you of your fears or insecurities which triggers a bias ?
  3. Does this person behave or act in a manner that resembles that of a group that you know?
  4. Does any of the above impact you, your team or their work ?

-> Whenever you are in a moment when you think you will give in to generalizations, pause and reflect

  1. Have I been a victim of bias? What was the experience like?
  2. Would I like to be stereotyped?
  3. What if my creativity and who I am is not given recognition to?
  4. For every wrongful act done by someone from my gender or my country, or my industry would I like to be blamed?

 ->Remind yourself

  • Your mental models frame your thoughts and your thoughts in turn dictate your words. By reframing you create the environment and EI to respond to realities and communicate effectively.
  • Make a choice to step back and not allow spontaneity and your closed mind to create your bias.
  • Take responsibility to look around you, to observe the difference and to recognize that each individual is different in their own way.

As leaders, discover, become aware and deactivate your inappropriate biases. Isn’t leadership about your ability to connect, empathize, communicate and influence those around you by your words and actions ?

Reflective Questions for the Road to Identify and Introspect

As leaders, are you showing the character, the courage and the ability to do the right thing?

Are you happy to maintain your status quo and not challenge the accepted practices and stereotyping?

How are you growing and inculcating the change that you wish to see?

♦What would you like to add to this discussion?♦

Living In The Moment

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Photo Credit : Lalita Raman

Photo Credit : Lalita Raman

I was at the gym yesterday and two women were exchanging a rather loud conversation in the ladies changing room.  I could not help pay attention to one of the remarks made by one woman to her friend. One of the ladies asks her friend, so how was your week-end to which her friend replies ” I spent a lot of my weekend living in the moment”. I turned around and had a smile on my face when I heard that remark. I smiled because it is not often that I hear that response. The lady who had asked her friend the question, of course was confused and started asking a lot of questions at which point in time I was well on my way out of the ladies changing room and was rushing for my class.

The moment that is now and every moment that is yet to arrive will be history by the time you finish reading this statement. Be in this moment, live and enjoy this moment.

These are statements that you read in blogs, quotes , hear from your friends and read in various self-help books and possibly remind yourself at various points in your day.

Have you wondered ever so often what does living in the moment mean?

How do you practice it in your busy days filled with tasks and different roles to play ?

Don’t we spend most of our lives thinking about something else other than what we are doing right now?

 “Human beings have this unique ability to focus on things that aren’t happening right now. That allows them to reflect on the past and learn from it; it allows them to anticipate and plan for the future; and it allows them to imagine things that might never occur,” said Matthew Killingsworth, a doctoral student in psychology and lead author of the study.

Whilst I was catching up on reading over the weekend, this video caught my attention. This Polar Bear Cub Has A Lot To Teach Us About Making the most of the moment and enjoying it while we can.

After I watched this video I got to thinking which are those moments when I know I am in the now and fully present. Thinking about this lead me to writing this blog post ….

When I :

  1. Am with nature either hiking, rafting, or on a boat.
  2. Am in a garden filled with beautiful flowers
  3. See a butterfly perched on a flower
  4. Am on a roller coaster
  5. In a coaching session when I know I have to be mindful and present and cannot allow my mind to wander.
  6. Walking with a dog or the time I spend with my friends dog.
  7. Taking a test or writing an exam
  8. Physical Painful moment which consumes my entire energy at that moment or when I see someone else in pain.
  9. Am at the gym and yoga.
  10. Reading an interesting book or watching a nail-biting movie.
  11. Listening to a story that is emotional.
  12. Cooking a new recipe
  13. Am taking on a new challenge
  14. Exploring new places whilst on travel.
  15. Am Laughing or crying.

Just connecting to some of these moments helps me to tide over times when my mind starts to wander. There are possibly many other moments when I am in the now but they typically range around one of the things that I have mentioned above.

How often have you been in situations when you realize that the person whom you are speaking to, is not there with you. One of the best ways to be empathetic is to practice connective listening. We live in a complex world today and yet there are many times you feel that there is not an empathetic ear to listen to you. What you need most is a special heart that listens in mind, body and soul to you. Practicing connective listening, in my view is possible only if you are in the moment.

Mindfulness is being fully involved in the moment of being or doing no matter what the task is even if that means nothing. Meditation helps you to be more mindful in each moment of choice, to be focused and fully aware.

When are the moments in your life when you have connected in the now?

How do you treat yourself to more of these live in the moment?

The Strength Based Resonant Team Leader

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Two weeks back, I conducted a workshop on Tips and Tricks To Engage Employees. The focus of this workshop was employee engagement using a neuroscience perspective.

While discussing the neuroscience aspects, one of the points I highlighted was the importance of leaders and managers recognizing the strengths of the people who work with them in their teams or organizations. Strength is the key binding factor in providing certainty, feeling that we have the power of choice in what we do and also being recognized for our talents because we operate from our area of strength. It provides the endorphin to help our brain move towards an engaged and reward state.

One of the participants had a view that in some industries only command and control works and there is no time, especially given the deadlines, for recognizing strengths or working on creating an environment of Certainty, Recognition, Choices or Connection. An interesting discussion ensued in the workshop once this comment was made.

One of my coaching clients during one of her earlier sessions was sharing her challenges at her work place. She has been with her organization for eight years and she was describing how the head of the business was a very tough person, difficult to approach and someone who was curt. She finds her relationship with him much better currently, though there are times she still feels overwhelmed when she is in a meeting with him. Although he is not her boss, she has to have regular meetings with him since she is the CFO. She also narrated another story to me about how she had to contact some experienced people in the field of psychology for one of her assignments on a diploma course she was doing. She shared with me her experience of how she went about doing this.  Listening to her, I shared with her some of her strengths that I had observed.  She was amazed at seeing herself from this perspective that I had mentioned to her.  She had never seen herself nor had anyone mentioned to her that she was persistent, determined and was always ready to face a challenge.  Here was a lady who has faced life with open arms no matter the challenge but was not confident and was not aware about her strength. She is much more confident today with herself having learnt to recognize her strengths and work around her strengths.

  • How many of us have been in organizations where the manager or boss harp on our weakness?
  • How many of you focus on developing your weakness instead of growing and working on your strengths? 
  • How many job interviews seek to understand what motivates you and determine whether that matches the requirement of a job and vision of the company?

Each of us exhibit a number of characteristics including empathy, communication with clarity, a sense of humor, negotiation skills, analyzer, ability to delegate.

  • How many of you have been hired to a job that matched your talents?
  • How many organizations can pride themselves in getting the right talent

Refer my post on Marcus Buckingham Alert: Hiring For Talent 

Each of us has our unique strengths, that, if seeded and nurtured well, has an amazing power to develop and grow. If you promote an environment where each of your team members are empowered and encouraged to grow by using their strengths and talents, you will see your team and the organization grow towards its vision.

Yes, command and control may work well in some situations, but have you given thought to what would be the result if in this kind of environment, the leaders and managers took time to recognize the strengths of their team members and utilized them in achieving the overall vision of the company.

How do you recognize strengths of those who works with you and build on that?

  1. Identify your natural talents (recurring patterns of thought, behavior or feeling)
  2. Refine your talents with knowledge and skill
  3. Apply it in your work and daily life.

What are the most common strengths ? The following is an extract from the book Now, Discover your Strengths by Marcus Buckingham

He has identified 34 strengths which are Achiever, Activator, Adaptability, Analytical, Arranger, Belief (living out your values), Command, Communication, Competition, Connectedness (bridge builder), Consistency, Context (understanding the blueprints), Deliberative, Developer, Discipline, Empathy, Focus, Futuristic, Harmony, Ideation, Includer, Individualization (appreciate the uniqueness n each and don’t like generalizations), Input (inquisitive), Intellection (like to think and introspect), learner, Maximizer, Positivity, Relator (seek genuine relationships), Responsibility, Restorative, Self-assurance, Significance (want to be significant in the eyes of other people), Strategic, and Woo (Winning Over Others).

Leaders in their organizations can start to build a culture which recognizes and promotes strengths and have the recruitment process match the strengths of the individuals to what is required in a job. The job search should start off with describing the dominant talents that is required of a role be it a programmer or an accountant or marketer or a business head. Once these dominant talents in the role is identified, the advertisement or the interview process should challenge the potential candidates to claim these talents. As an ongoing process it is important for leaders to identify what are each individual’s strongest themes or strengths that they display?  How do these relate to the job that needs to be performed and are they getting enough knowledge and skill for further development? How does this relate to how they are managed?

Other questions you can ask:

What is the vision of your company? Why do you what you do?

What are the career aspirations of your team ?

What are their hobbies outside of work ? 

When you make it a priority to sow the seeds for collaborative and collective success, you create and nurture an environment for each of the individuals to thrive and flourish.

How are you helping people become resonant leaders?

Leadership In Troubled Times

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Photo credit : Lalita Raman

Photo credit : Lalita Raman

The CEO of the Company was having his monthly meeting with his direct reports to discuss achievements, strengths, opportunities missed or well used and way forward.
Jack, the CFO of the company had attended several of these meetings and felt the quality of these meetings had deteriorated. In the moments of silence, whenever he was an observer, he felt these meetings had become agreeable in nature and no brainstorming was encouraged.

Just in the last meeting he had raised an objection to the way the revenues were being earned and the way the company was going about increasing its market share and how in the medium to long-term the company may not be able to hold its market share. He also had concerns on the franchise value which he thought he will bring it up later. Despite presenting solutions he was left with the feeling that by raising a different perspective, he was considered possibly a rebel. The room didn’t celebrate his passion for the business nor appreciate his concern.

Don’t trouble trouble till trouble troubles you because if you trouble trouble, trouble will trouble you. As a kid I used to play this tongue twister with my friends.

Today in many organizations and in many societies, many individuals as so-called leaders and many others in their daily walk of life seem to be applying this tongue twister in every sense of the word.

As Dr. King said: “An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.”

People hesitate to speak up about injustices, poor practices, processes that don’t make sense. Many times these procedures and archaic practices creates a significant amount of unnecessary complexity and fosters a passive acceptance of the status quo.

The real test of your leadership comes not only when you identify a problem but also after you identify the problem. You then bring it to the forefront and take action to rectify it. Problems are signposts that you can’t and must not ignore and it is essential to see, speak up against, and address them in order to move forward.

Think back of those moments when you were considered a rebel because you didn’t go with the flow, challenged the methods and raised your concerns.

Do you as a true leader ignore the dissenting inner voice ?
Do you give up challenging a situation just because you are going to meet resistance?
Do you stop advocating an idea because it is not met with eyes of approval?
Do you have the courage to do what is right even if it is not the most popular?
Do you surround yourself with a team of people who can challenge your thinking and whose strengths make up for your deficits?

If you look at leaders like Steve Jobs or Martin Luther King they and their ideology or ways were not accepted easily. They were considered as dissenters or dogmatic when they started off.

To stand out from a crowd despite working in the interest of the vision of the organization could be overwhelming and for sure not comfortable. Your character as a leader is on a test in such situations. Yes and for many people who choose to stand out for what is right, their careers may have suffered and some called as not fitting in.

As leaders how do you point others to the new horizons or to the vision of the organization and yet show that the current practices aren’t going to achieve the same or what others are missing out ?

1. Leaders lead from their heart and are guided by their within.
2. Leaders by pointing out what others don’t see do not intend to be antagonistic but take responsibility, show accountability and a sense of ownership.
3. Leaders do not allow their values and the organization values to be overridden by keeping silent.
4. Leaders lead by their life and foster an environment and culture of being committed and not allow others perspectives or views to deter them.
 5. Leaders must develop a lower threshold for alibis and become better communicators and enforcers of what they want done. If you are more interested in being liked and popular than holding people accountable for results, you have a serious leadership weakness. It is not your job to make people happy. Your job is to get them better. Holding people accountable to high standards and results is nothing to apologize for. Failing to stretch them to their potential is.” -Dave Anderson

Education and experience is not only for acquisition of technical skills and knowledge but to develop that bent of mind and an attitude of responsibility, courage and above all be human.

Reflective Questions

What problems have you overcome today?
How well are you serving as a leader that only you can serve ?
Are you leading to your organization’s vision with humility, courage, and empathy?

Eight Leadership Lessons From Dogs

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Photo : Lalita Raman

Photo : Lalita Raman

I love and admire dogs. I don’t miss a chance, whilst walking, running or hiking, to stop and say hello to the dog and if the owner looks friendly enough, have a word or two with the dog and pet the dog.
I don’t own a dog as yet. I have always wanted to own a dog but not owned one because I feel guilty that I’ll not be able to spend time with my dog. So whilst I do want to own a dog, It has not happened yet.
I love all animals but dogs have a special place in my heart. This post is based on my observations of dogs that I have met in various walks of my life.

There is a lot each of us can learn from dogs. What do they teach us?

1. Speak up – leadership is about being there even when the going gets tough. Why shy away from standing for what is right even if you are the odd one standing?
Dogs never fail to bark to protect their owner and their home. They are not afraid to bark no matter where they are. Even when they make their owner angry they continue to bark to highlight something is wrong.

2. Persistent – leaders may adopt different paths to achieve their vision but they don’t give up on achieving their vision.
Dogs are persistent by nature and if you own a dog you will relate to this. Dogs love the food that we humans eat and they try different ways to get the food they desire. Though they may not succeed they try different options and never give up.

3. Empathy– good leaders empathize in the way they communicate, understand and the way they connect. I believe, there is no better creature on this earth than a dog who knows exactly how to empathize with you.Your dog knows when you are down and out, angry, upset, or happy. They are there with you through your emotions understanding perfectly well what you are going through. Their facial expressions and body language conveys it all.

4. Friend – leaders are friends in the way they connect, understand, encourage, communicate, challenge and the way they relate to you.
Dogs are true friends. Dogs show you that to have a friend, be one. They stand by you through thick and thin and never leave your side.

5. Trust– leaders build trust in the way they communicate and behave.
Dogs will always smell to get their comfort level. Once they are comfortable they build trust and lend their heartwarming friendship.

6. Opportunity – leaders see and make use of every opportunity. They give their heart and soul in whatever they do.
Dogs don’t miss opportunities to get what they want, be it food or getting on to a couch. Dogs give their heart and soul as duty dogs, as a guide, looking after children and in everything they are.

7. Attitude – life has many challenges and for leaders it is no different. As a good leader you know that your attitude is your greatest asset.
Choosing the right attitude is something we can learn from dogs. The hope and positivity with which they welcome each moment is something I have always been amazed about dogs. They live each day with unbridled exuberance and joy even in the face of adversity.

8. Uninhibited Courage– Leaders lead with uninhibited courage and by doing so they show their purpose is resolute and deep.
You have heard, read or witnessed many a dog which have saved their owner’s life or a child’s life. Dogs are loyal and they don’t deter in showing their courage or living up to a challenge.

Dogs are adorable, courageous and they make you feel good. They believe in you and make you feel great. A dog truly makes their owner feel that they are the best in the world. They are a living example of unconditional love and kindness.

Isn’t this what qualities of a good leader in life and in organizations should be?
What do you think we can learn from our friends, The Dog?

For Coaching, Facilitating and Speaking Connect. About Lalita Raman

The Power Of Reframing

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Lalita Raman

Have you been in meetings where you interpret something that has been said by your boss very differently from what one of your colleagues may have interpreted?
Have you had moments or days when you feel everything is going wrong, until you see someone else having a worse time which pales yours in comparison?
Have you observed situations where two people could have faced the same situation, yet one considers it as a challenge to be overcome whereas the other person dwells on it, complains about it and their body language and facial expression conveys that they are having one a nerve wrecking experience?
How many times have you for any small mistakes made, stated that “I have messed up” instead of “I made a mistake”?
When I coach leaders, executives and professionals, I hear negative statements about who they are or what they are not good at or what they cannot do. The cues is not only verbal but also in their body language and facial expressions.
When I listen to what is being said, the way it is being said and sense the cues, I ask of my clients to reframe the thought, the feeling, the fear in a positive way.

Reframing is the art of changing your thoughts, your inner talk and finding alternate ways to express an idea, a situation, a challenges or your inner fear.
Each of us have our challenges, our inner gremlin sitting on our shoulder and pulling us down and possibly teasing us. The idea of reframing a negative thought is not to shut out the fear but to change the mindset and approach the challenge with positive emotions. Reframing helps to approach a situation with a “positive” and “can do” approach rather than I’m no good at it.

“When we are positive, we become more motivated, engaged, creative, energetic, resilient and productive.” Positivity breeds positivity and vice versa. Reframing not only helps us with our emotions but also in the way our thoughts and words land on others. Reframing is useful in every part of the organization, be it you are a CEO, sales person, Human Resources, CFO, or any other representative of the firm.

Take a case where you are trying to determine with which securities firm you need to open an account with. In your first meeting with the person servicing you, all you get to hear is what their firm is good at, the range of products they have, the markets that they have a presence in, their market share. You sit there wondering how is any of this useful to you!? You have not been asked as to what you are looking for, what is your risk comfort level, what are you familiar with, what is your risk versus return profile. You decide that it was a waste of time and decide not to deal with the broker.
Now may be all that was presented to you had all of that information. However the way it was framed seemed to land on you as if they were pushing their own agenda. Reframing the same information that they had presented to you in a way that created a lens through which you felt you are the client and your needs are being understood would have made you want to deal with them.
Leaders can take a mundane idea and get people to buy in into their idea by reframing.
Before I start off with tips on reframing, I would like to share my story when I started my coaching journey. One of my strengths is Direct Communication. I’m known among my friends to be candid and someone who doesn’t mince her words. When I started my coaching journey, I realized that this strength of mine may not come across to the recipient as gentle and caring and my style could possibly be misconstrued. My intention in being direct is not to hurt someone and I realized that without compromising my value of being candid, I could convey the message by reframing.

How to reframe?

1. Make yourself aware of your thoughts – before you react to a situation, step back and figure out your inner thoughts or the feelings that created the thoughts. If those thoughts are arousing negative emotions, ask yourself what if I reframe it. What happens when you reframe your thoughts ? Learn to observe your thinking patterns and reflect.

2. Challenge – every time you feel like reacting to a situation, ask what is in that situation that aggravates you or puts you into a negative mode? How can you get over that? Is there a truth to the way you feel and how you feel?

3. Clarify – if you are in a meeting and you think you may have interpreted something differently from others, clarify before running away with your assumptions and jumping to a conclusion.

4. Mindfulness – being mindful in the moment of choice is many times easier said than done. However, as with anything new where our discomfort is high, first make yourself aware and then practice the art of being mindful consciously.

How has reframing helped you in your life so far?

What have you learnt from reframing?

“Nothing can stop the person with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal. Nothing on earth can help the person with the wrong attitude.” Thomas Jefferson

For Coaching, Facilitating and Speaking Connect. About Lalita Raman

How To LOSE IN LEADERSHIP?

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I was at my friend’s place last week for dinner. She has 2 kids, a son and daughter. We were chatting and in the midst of a discussion, her daughter Nikita, comes up to her Dad and reminds him that it is her time to play chess with him.  Despite being told that he will play with her later, she insists.  He consents and tells her that she will play the game without playing any pranks.  Nikita is a junior chess champion at  a State level for girls under 10 years. Her dad, although not a champion has always been an expert in chess. We were watching them play and Nikita suddenly turned to her mom and asked her a question on what she should do.  I also noticed that she didn’t just ask for a solution but explained what her strategy was and consulted her mother on which option she should choose as the next step.
John was having some morale issues among his team. He had 5 direct reports though he was responsible for a team of fifty. He decided he will conduct a survey to determine the engagement and satisfaction among his team. At the end of one month, the time period given for completing the survey, only fifteen of his team members had responded and that too those that he had coaxed into responding. Based on the results of fifteen members who took the survey, John concluded that he was not the reason for the low morale issue.
What do these two different individuals teach you ? Nikita teaches you to lose like a leader. John is an example of how with his title, is self-centered, egoistic and supports his own press.
Leadership is not always about winning or about titles or elevated status. As leaders you can lose, and yet inspire your followers and have respect
Five Behaviors To Lose As A Leader
  1. Your control and micromanagement – if instead of managing teams you micromanage by refusing to delegate leads to mistrust and low morale. You don’t allow people to grow and develop and utilize their talents.
  2. Fear – as a leader you don’t need to know all the answers. Lose your fear of asking questions and finding out from people who may be experts or have the knowledge. Nikita consulted her mom when she was unsure about the next move she should choose to achieve her strategy.
  3. Manipulation – you don’t necessarily become a leader by occupying a position of a leader in an organization You have to earn the respect and trust of your team or people whom you work with. Without appreciating your team, empathizing with their views, needs or alternate views, your team can get disengaged. John didn’t want to take responsibility for the low morale among his team members. He tried to force some of his team members to fill the survey and get the results he desired. He shut out the truth.
  4. Withholding information – you cannot gain trust by revealing and sharing information that suits you. Self-serving behavior is a slippery slope and a prelude to an organization’s failure.
  5. Bad attitude – You can lose your ego and be humble. Humility will make you likable and earn the respect of your team. Whilst as a leader you are not expected to know everything, you need to keep abreast of the developments. You have to be credible.

As leaders, you would do well in losing your ego, arrogance, need to demand respect and be liked.

As you scale up the path in an organization or in your business as a leader and part of senior management, it probably gets lonely at the top. The responsibility that many leaders feel for their team and people creates a fear of failure and possibly a lack of Executive Presence. Many leaders get overwhelmed and start denying reality.
Life at work or in an organization has challenges that sometimes feels as if it saps the energy out of you. There are a wide range of emotions that you will experience and confront as a leader.  However as a leader, why fear in seeking help to get on a path of personal development and avoiding the pitfalls and letting your inner gremlin bewilder you?  A coach or mentor can assist you in the shift you want to make in your professional development and growth.
Reflective Questions
1. As a leader are you known for your integrity?
2. Why do you want to lead? What does leadership mean to you?
3. What have you learned from losing?
For Coaching, Facilitating and Speaking Connect.  About Lalita Raman
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