Little Things That Matter

Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

Power of Listening – Shut Up and Listen Will Ya

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“You have to learn to listen and listen to learn” ~unknown

Following my two earlier blog posts on The Art of Listening and How to Listen –  7 Simple Tips, I decided to share some of my thoughts and experiences on a Video Blog on the Power of Listening.

What is the most demanding feeling that most of us go through at a time when we are stressed and feel like we are about to breakdown. To be Listened?  The act of not listening indicates a complete disrespect and lack of focus in what the other party is saying.  Listening is not only with the ears but also with the eyes and the heart.

10 Reasons Not To Give Up

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Many of you who follow me on Twitter may know that I have the following statement on my Twitter bio “Don’t believe in giving up no matter what happens,not to shrink back but to move forward in life.”

Persistency is something I believe in and my friends and colleagues know me as a very tenacious person. I persist because I hope, I believe and I see potential.  While the path to achieve my final goal may change with experience that I gather during my journey, I believe in not giving up on anything that appeals to my within.

However, don’t each of us at some point in our journey of life, get to a part where we feel like just throwing it all away and walking away? Sometimes we stop trying even before start and other times we give up just before we are about to make that huge break-through. To keep trying be it at work or in a relationship does not necessarily mean allowing yourself to feel devalued or trampled.  But you need to evaluate options of achieving your end goal and change the course or methods to fulfill the same.

 10 Reasons Why You Should Not Give Up 

1. Choices – there are always possibilities and sometimes we get so frozen by what we choose to see that we block ourselves from looking at other alternatives.

2. Inspirers – every time you feel like giving up, be inspired by people who have achieved their dreams despite the odds – e.g. The man who lost his legs as a child scales Kilimanjaro with hands.

3. Failure – we allow failures and rejections during the course of our journey to become our self-limiting beliefs. However there is no one right path. What may have worked for me may not work for you and vice versa.  Success is not achieved in a day.

4. Mindset – we need to learn from our mistakes rather than just fold and walk away. Choose to walk away from the methods that have nor worked rather than away from your ultimate passion or goal.

5. Believe – we allow our surroundings to control us. We live in moments and many times allow that to dictate our beliefs and value systems. What has helped me in some of my vulnerable moments is to believe in myself, and be strong as difficult as it may be.

6. People who matter – accept critique to improve but don’t allow negative attitudes and haters to surround your life and dictate what you do. Learn to stay with people who challenge you but yet support you and care for you.

7. Evolve – always have a questioning mind. Ask yourself is that the best method, what are the options, if I started on a clean sheet of paper would I still look at the same options or choose something completely different.

8. Innovate – Our mind plays games and we need to control our mind rather than the other way around.  You may need to take the lead from someone else who has done it before. Listen to their success story and determine which of those you could apply to yourself.  Don’t reinvent the wheel but innovate on previous experiences where necessary.

9. Change – you should not be stuck by the alternatives that you have chosen.  Embrace change to the pathway to get to where you want to be.

10. Be your own friend – No one in the world is going to look at you if you are going to be miserable. Be your own best friend and be an optimist.

So Why You Should Not Give Up…

I’ve always been inspired by Pema Chodron and her thoughts…I quote.. “Every time we are willing to let go at the end of the out-breath, that’s fundamentally renunciation: learning how to let go of holding on and holding back”.

“The river flows rapidly down the mountain, and then all of a sudden it gets blocked with big boulders and lots of trees. The water can’t go any farther, even though it has tremendous force and forward energy. It just gets block there. That’s what happens with us too; we get blocked like that. Letting go at the end of the out-breath, letting the thoughts go, is like moving one of those boulders away so that the water can keep flowing, so that our energy and our life force can keep evolving and moving forward. We don’t, out of fear of the unknown, have to put up these blocks, these dams, that basically say no to life and to feeling life…Link

We hurt ourselves the most by giving up. We live but once and you and I have a calling in life… why give up?

For  Inspiration… Watch the Movie 127 Hours 

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Commitment : Top 15 Questions You Need to Ask Yourself

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“What we speak becomes the house we live in.”-Hafez.

Remember you are only as good as your word and actions that match your word. Failing to keep your commitments is an indication that you don’t care about your vision, or word, your client, their time, and the outcomes.

Questions you need to ask yourself when your actions are not in sync with your word are:

  1. Do you have a clear goal and vision
  2. Are you trying to pursue one too many goals or things to do at the same time
  3. Are you trying to get some brownie points by agreeing to do something but have no real intention of doing it
  4. Are you trying to avoid a situation of open communication and dealing with the situation
  5. Have you prioritized your goals or list of activities…..?

For the Full Post, please click on the following link

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Change – The Process And 4 Essentials

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Change is an integral part of our life. Our physical body undergoes change every day, our cells undergoes change and the very process of growing up from the time we are born to where we are today is Change. The environment around us is changing all the time. Some changes are within our control and yet others not so. There are yet other changes which we need to make consciously – the ability to be present and move between reflection and action. It is our ability to establish and maintain the appropriate attitudes and behaviors in both our professional and personal lives, that are conducive to goal setting, achievement and constructive feedback.

What is involved in the process of change

A Reason to change; A Desire to change; A Commitment to change; A Way to change; The Support for change

If your change goal was to lose weight, the reason to lose weight might be health reasons, desire is to feel and look healthy and lead your life more effectively, Commitment comes from a reward – reward in losing weight for you might be to participate in a triathlon which you have been putting off due to health issues, a way to would be to improve your fitness regime and restructure your dietary habits.

What are essentials to change

1. Action 2. Social Circle 3. Mindset 4. Doing

Click on the following Link for the Full Article

What have been some of the changes in your life which you worked towards and made it happen. Please share in the comments section below.  Thank you

5 Steps To Overcome Self-Limiting Beliefs

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Did you know that our self-limiting beliefs are one of the worst obstacles to moving forward in whatever we seek to achieve.  Self limiting belief is that inner thought in our head of doubting oneself and not trusting ourselves.

What are some of these self-limiting beliefs that sabotage our career, our development and our life

Could it be

  • I’m no good at public speaking
  • I’m no good at keeping time

We allow our negative thoughts and frustrations to deter our ability to adapt, to learn, to unlearn, relearn, and to try out new challenges.  The motivation to change has to come from within.  How does one do this?

For the 5 Steps to Overcome Self Limiting Beliefs please click on Link

Coaching can help you reinvent yourself, discover possibilities, and break through to confidence and maintain the new you.

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The 10 Cs Of Communication

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Communication can make or mar relationships at any level. Clarity is key to communication. Communication is not only verbal but also includes body language. Clarity in communication substantiates supports, authenticates and endorses the conversation.

Rely on the meaning, not just the words. You have to always think Why are you saying what you are saying and How do you want your receiver to feel after you have said what you have to say.

What is Important in Communication?

1. Clarity – less is often more and keep it simple and short.  This is one of the main reasons for the importance of elevator speech.

 2. Commonsense – a word once spoken cannot be recalled. Know Yourself no matter what situation you may be in. You need to apply good judgement and keep a degree of level-headed in every aspect of life.

 3. Consistency – trust is built only with consistency. Being reliable is key to building credibility in communication as in life. Lack of communication is another way of saying lack of trust.

 4. Confidence – credence, conviction, belief and trust are key pillars of communication. The way you communicate will reflect your level of confidence.

 5. Character – all forms of communication demonstrates your character, personality, mental make-up, level of integrity and the values that you hold.

 6. Commitment – your word is your bond and your personal image. Commitment includes not only a deal, a promise, a contract, but also day-to-day spoken words.

 7. Creativity – a picture speaks volumes. Telling a story or giving an example or showing a visual often reinforces what you are trying to convey. Use your creativity in articulating your message.

 8. Courage – Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak but it is also what it takes to sit down and listen – Winston Churchill. Courage is a mark of leadership and communication offers a multitude of channels to exhibit your gallantry in spoken and written form.

 9. Consideration – You need to  listen to understand rather than listen to respond. Nobody knows how much you know until they know how much you care.

 10. Competence – You are how you express yourself.  Competence needs effective communication.

Communication is an essential ingredient in our daily life.  Silence is not the answer to avoid challenges.  Communication gap is created by our apprehensions, fear, ego, assumptions, inability to address the issue and ask proper questions.  Are you underestimating the importance of communication?

‘Do You Communicate’, please refer my earlier blog post on this topic

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Walk The Talk : Do Your Actions Give Power To Your Word

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“What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Let your actions drown your words. Are you Walking Your Talk. Are you Leading By Example

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Top 3 Reasons to Encourage

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We are human and want to be appreciated and made to feel wanted no matter who we are or what role each of us play in our daily lives. Even if you are a strong person there is no denial that you need to be encouraged and recognized.

If you think encouragement does not play an important role, think about the last time you or your friend resigned from a company and the reason was not the salary.  Many of us may be willing to stick around in a job when we know we are appreciated, recognized and acknowledged but not otherwise.

Nothing else can quite substitute a few well-chosen, well-timed, sincere words of praise. They’re absolutely free but worth a fortune as long as they are delivered in the right way.  Many feel it is about the Ego but it is more to do with something more human.   We are created for significance and this is of utmost importance in a community or in an organization.

One of the worst feelings anyone can undergo is feeling unwanted and insignificant.

The words ‘You Matter’, and what you did is important and I believe more so with people who probably rarely hear this in their day.  Let me share with you a real life experience :

Two years back, my dad had to undergo some checks before undergoing back surgery which was categorized as Level 7, which means it was a high risk operation.  I was not physically with him when this happened, since I was on my way to Bombay, which is where my parents live. I heard this from my sister who was with him when this incident happened. Whilst my dad was waiting for some tests to be done in the hospital, he suddenly slumped is his chair and my sister had to call for help. Whilst the staff were looking for Doctors’ to help him and get a stretcher, a security guard of the ICU just lifted him and ran into the ICU with his shoes on. He didn’t at that point in time remove his shoes though he was entering the ICU nor did he wait for the Doctor to arrive or the stretcher to be brought.  He also went beyond his normal call of duty (or what we call as the Job Description).  His act at the nick of time saved my dad’s life.  Whilst one may think that in a hospital when someone slumps, help should be immediately available, the reality is that in the keenness to adhere to Standard Operating Procedures, precious time is lost.  When I arrived at the hospital the following day, my sister introduced me to the Security Guard.  I introduced myself and thanked him and said he was solely responsible for saving my dad’s life. He turns around to me with a smile and said,”nice to hear that from you, your mom and your sister but I did what I thought was right at that time, it  was my duty to save him and I did not bother about the strict definition of call of duty”.  I told him he did the right thing and shall make sure that his supervisor knows about this.  He thanked me and said, it was nothing spectacular…  after all we are all human beings and if we cannot do this much for each other what is the use of being born and living in this world. Those words still ring in my ear.

You may say oh, but he did perform a significant task & it was important to let him know. True but think about the person who comes to your house to clear your trash. It will make such a difference to his or her day to know that what they do is important & they matter to our daily lives. Other examples are the lady at the reception of your gym or yoga center or hair salon, security guard of your building or house.  Think back when we were students didn’t we want to be recognized for something we did & when the teacher did acknowledge our contribution we felt good & motivated to do better. It is no different when we become adults.

Why Encourage ?

1. Encouragement builds relationships. When you take time to notice what others around you are doing and the way in which they contribute it can make a world of difference.  Encouragement takes it a step further because it is grounded in reality.

2. Encouragement builds loyalty. You will want to know how much your boss cares more than knowing how much he/she knows.   Encouragement from the heart is genuine and goes a long way to build trust and loyalty.

3. Encouragement builds morale.  Positive morale is key to a team, a department within a Company and the entire organization.  Turnover in an organization is high when morale is low.  Most of us crave meaningful feedback, especially at work.  It’s natural to want validation and acknowledgment for our accomplishments, and many of us want to hear constructive criticism to help us learn and grow.

Research by Gallup and others shows that engaged employees are more productive. They are more profitable, more customer-focused, safer, and more likely to withstand temptations to leave. The best-performing companies know that an employee engagement improvement strategy linked to the achievement of corporate goals will help them win in the marketplace.  In world-class organizations, the ratio of engaged to disengaged employees is 9.57:1.  In average organizations, the ratio of engaged to actively disengaged employees is 1.83:1. Source

Imagine the costs associated with not encouraging or recognizing someone’s efforts and the ripple effect it has on the organization, the world outside the organization and on each of us.

Before it’s too late, start encouraging and let people know they matter. Whom have you encouraged today?  Do you have any experiences to share ?

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10 Hurdles To Emotional Learning

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When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bustling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity ~ Dale Carnegie

When I say Emotions, you almost immediately associate ‘Anger’ and ‘Sad’ as the synonyms.  Emotion is the mental state and this could be positive or negative.

There are seven major positive emotions : desire, faith, sex, enthusiasm, hope, love, romance.  And the seven major negative emotions are : anger, fear, jealousy, hatred, revenge, greed, superstition.

Our brains harbor a lot of emotions and it is the negative emotions that is worrying.  The amygdala  is most commonly associated with fear and anxiety.  Each of us have a chronic or habitual emotional level that determines the overall well-being or satisfaction.  If a threat is perceived,  the amygdala tends to hijack the reasoned response process.  We have certain triggers-things that cause us to have an emotional reaction and elicit our innate ‘fight of flight’ response.  This limits our capacity to think clearly and causes us to move to default behaviors that may not be skillful or effective.

Emotional intelligence (EI) is the cognitive ability involving traits and social skills that facilitate interpersonal behavior.  The four main components of EI are : Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Social Awareness, Relationship Management.

Our emotional level, thus is the manifested frequency level of everything and anything that is real (perceivable) to us in our world and actual life’s experiences.

Have you wondered as to Why are these negative emotions triggered?

1. Change  results in discomfort and stress – a lot of us expect life to be easy and when challenges and hurdles come along, it overwhelms us and may cause negative reactions.

2. Human Being rather than Human Doing – we forget many times that what really matters in each of our lives is what we are, what we build and what we share.  Living life with a passion and being your true self is the most important.

3. Relationships – many times we tend to chase people though they may have shown no interest in building and maintaining relationships. In our busy lives we ever so often forget to make time for those who matter the most.  We allow our pride and ego to be the mainstay of relationships and taking those, who have been with us through thick and thin,  for granted.  This leads to disappointments and triggers a lot of negative emotions.

4. Allowing our mind to control us – life is not perfect and sometimes we allow a bad moment, or a bad day to take control of our state of mind and the reactions to other unrelated events of the day.

5. Help – not asking for help when you need it desperately.  Each of us need help and cannot survive in isolation.

6. Know when to walk away and when not to give up – many times we hold onto things without asking ourselves the utility value in the same.

7. Surrounding ourselves with people who make us unhappy and drain our energy out – ignore those who hassle you, stalk you, embarrass you and step beyond the boundaries of decent behavior on social media and in real life.

8. Not being accountable & responsible – not walking the talk which leads to distrust and guilt. We loose our identity by not learning to say,  ‘No’ resulting in over committing and under delivery.

9. Not taking a break– many of us get into the rigmarole of  doing too much without pausing. In that we live without enjoying the simple pleasures that life has to offer. We are stressed out, irritable and a vicious circle ensues.

10. Focusing on past – allowing our past to continue to dominate us to such an extent that we become victims of it.  We focus on the negatives, loosing ourselves in the problem.  More often than not,  we repeatedly point to our unhappy circumstances to rationalize our negative feelings. This is the easy way out. It takes, after all, very little effort to feel victimized.   But the negative thinking and behavior hurts only one person the most and that is “You”.

So how do we deal with our Emotions especially those that trigger a negative response.

Adaptability is all about recovering from the anxiety  & adversity that change initially brings & then having the flexibility to move ahead vigorously.

I find that one way to practice this idea is to write or think about a good experience. Not only does this remind me that there’s life beyond bad feelings, but it also serves as an emotional anchor.   I find my memory can become a positive emotional reference point, to remind me of the range of possibilities when I am at my worst feeling down and out.

Refer my post on Twelve Ways to Inspire Yourself When You Are Feeling Down and Out

The role emotions play in shaping thinking accounts for a large part of why we see a failure of good thinking in most leaders.  You are free to choose behaviors that are truly in your own best interests.

We all have so much to give. We just need to consciously choose to access and share it.  When we give good vibes, good thoughts,  and a smile, we generally get it back.  Recognizing emotions is the basis of self-knowledge and interaction. An emotion comes up to the conscious level when we are ready to manage it.  I like to think emotions as colors, some simple, and yet others are blends.

Emotional memory management enables us to manage our emotions in a way that will produce more positive outcomes.  It is the “habits of mind” that reveal intellectual character.  Please watch my video on “Emotional Blindspots‘.

The 3 core development steps for all Leaders are:  Knowing Yourself, Choosing Yourself and Giving Yourself.  What do you think ?

Do You Value Trust?

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I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche.

Did you know that Trust is an important part of every fraction of a second of our lives,  in all we do and in the way we conduct ourselves. And yet many a time we undermine the value of Trust and may take it for granted.

A strong foundation of any human relationship is based on Trust. Without Trust, life becomes lonely. Trust is what allows us to have meaningful relationships with other people. Trust is knowing that you will do the same thing irrespective of whether someone is looking at you or not.

When one is Trusted there is a feeling of belonging, safety, and it appeals to the soul. Once the Trust is broken, I believe it is worse than fixing a broken mirror, because the relationship never comes back to the sanctity it originally carried.

Do we really use Trust in every walk of our life?

1. Child & Parent – When a child first learns to climb up and decides to take  a leap from the chair or table confidently into the hands of his/her Mother’s or father’s extended hands, there is immense trust in that act.

2. Spouse – no marriage can last unless there is Trust between the husband and wife.

3. Friend – when you Trust a person as a friend, and you confide in that person you trust that this friend will not harm you or hurt you or tease you or misuse the information you have shared. Good friendship is based on trust, respect and love.  Friendship will crumble once the trust breaks.

4. Siblings –  Trust is imperative to a good relationship between siblings.

5. Life – Have you realized that when you hire a taxi, you trust the taxi driver to take you to your destination, charge no more than the fare indicated by the taxi meter and at the end of the journey, you trust the driver to return the change. Trust is what it takes when you open a bank account, when you walk into a shop to buy something, or  eat at a Restaurant.

6. Start-ups – As a Start-up Entrepreneur you face a tough time to convince people of your vision,not because you don’t have an appetite for hard work. But as a Startup, there is a deficit of Trust. It takes time to earn the same and these days it is probably even more difficult because there are one too many who take you for a ride.

7. Trust Yourself – If you don’t then no one else will. You are your best friend and need to believe in yourself.

How does Trust help? 

1. At the work place – When I’m trusted, I’m motivated to do even better and take on new challenges and explore the path not taken.

2. Trust builds loyalty without bonds in day-to-day life.

3. Trust is about authenticity and  helps to build a rapport.

4. Trust is about reliability and consistency and walking that path in every walk of life.

Life continually evolves. We’re constantly moving into new experiences, new possibilities. Life is a flux and the solace we find is the Trust we place on our relationships and that placed on us.

Life becomes joyful when we remain open to the constant flow and ride freely with it. We thus need to learn to Trust.

What does Trust mean to you?  Please share your views in the comments section. Thank you

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