Little Things That Matter

Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

Archives for May 2012

15 Things That Matter in Being You

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The two words we probably hear most often in the form of quotes and statements on Twitter, Pinterest & other forms of Social Media is ‘Be You’, ‘Just Be Yourself’.  What does “Be You’ mean?

Is it an excuse to use your personality as an excuse for bad behavior? I hear people saying hey ‘Just deal with it, this is who I am’. ‘I don’t believe in saying sorry or Thank you’. ‘I just can’t be bothered to change’.  There are yet others who insult others under the garb of humor and sarcasm.

‘ Being you’ I think, is a perfect defense for an egoistic person who has no respect for others and believes they are infallible ?

Of course each of us have our personality traits and inborn temperament which is unique to us and some of this is adapted to suit the environment that we live in and the circumstances that we face. However, the way we perceive and react to our day-to-day journey in life is a choice we can make and one that is within our control.

It is up to each of us to recognize our emotions, regulate our thoughts and frame the right mindset to respond in a manner that is appropriate to the situation at hand.

So what does Being You mean ?

I Believe

1. Whilst there is nothing wrong in being direct and honest, by no means the delivery of the statements or the tone in which it is delivered need be rude.

2. We are a result of our choices and we need to deal with the choices we have made. Negativity and emotional trauma arises when we get into the blaming game for all our misfortunes.

3. That sometimes when we are angry we have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give us the right to be cruel.

4. That each of us need to value ourselves and should not allow ourselves to be trampled on.

5. Each of us have our own strengths and we should build and use them to lead with integrity, trust and character

6. Each of us have our own weaknesses and we should marginalize our limitations to move forward

7. That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences we have had and what we have learned from them and how each of us choose to use them.

8. That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but, we are responsible for who we become.

9. That either we control our attitude or it controls us. Choose the right one.

10. That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

11.  We are human and love to be acknowledged, encouraged and appreciated. Being an introvert or shy is no excuse for not telling someone ‘You Matter’.

12. Each of us have to value and believe in ourselves.

13. None of us are perfect and can teach and learn something each day.

14. That just because you think you are successful you have no right to put out someone else’s light and efforts.

15. You are you and will be valued only if you treat others just like the way you would like to be treated.

Bottom-line, our personality is not an excuse to criticize, condemn and poke fun at somebody. Live and let live and encourage others to do the best. Each of us are unique and life is about learning from each other and making a difference in this world which we live in. Are you ‘Being You’ or ‘Being Brash’ ?

Top 3 Reasons to Encourage

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We are human and want to be appreciated and made to feel wanted no matter who we are or what role each of us play in our daily lives. Even if you are a strong person there is no denial that you need to be encouraged and recognized.

If you think encouragement does not play an important role, think about the last time you or your friend resigned from a company and the reason was not the salary.  Many of us may be willing to stick around in a job when we know we are appreciated, recognized and acknowledged but not otherwise.

Nothing else can quite substitute a few well-chosen, well-timed, sincere words of praise. They’re absolutely free but worth a fortune as long as they are delivered in the right way.  Many feel it is about the Ego but it is more to do with something more human.   We are created for significance and this is of utmost importance in a community or in an organization.

One of the worst feelings anyone can undergo is feeling unwanted and insignificant.

The words ‘You Matter’, and what you did is important and I believe more so with people who probably rarely hear this in their day.  Let me share with you a real life experience :

Two years back, my dad had to undergo some checks before undergoing back surgery which was categorized as Level 7, which means it was a high risk operation.  I was not physically with him when this happened, since I was on my way to Bombay, which is where my parents live. I heard this from my sister who was with him when this incident happened. Whilst my dad was waiting for some tests to be done in the hospital, he suddenly slumped is his chair and my sister had to call for help. Whilst the staff were looking for Doctors’ to help him and get a stretcher, a security guard of the ICU just lifted him and ran into the ICU with his shoes on. He didn’t at that point in time remove his shoes though he was entering the ICU nor did he wait for the Doctor to arrive or the stretcher to be brought.  He also went beyond his normal call of duty (or what we call as the Job Description).  His act at the nick of time saved my dad’s life.  Whilst one may think that in a hospital when someone slumps, help should be immediately available, the reality is that in the keenness to adhere to Standard Operating Procedures, precious time is lost.  When I arrived at the hospital the following day, my sister introduced me to the Security Guard.  I introduced myself and thanked him and said he was solely responsible for saving my dad’s life. He turns around to me with a smile and said,”nice to hear that from you, your mom and your sister but I did what I thought was right at that time, it  was my duty to save him and I did not bother about the strict definition of call of duty”.  I told him he did the right thing and shall make sure that his supervisor knows about this.  He thanked me and said, it was nothing spectacular…  after all we are all human beings and if we cannot do this much for each other what is the use of being born and living in this world. Those words still ring in my ear.

You may say oh, but he did perform a significant task & it was important to let him know. True but think about the person who comes to your house to clear your trash. It will make such a difference to his or her day to know that what they do is important & they matter to our daily lives. Other examples are the lady at the reception of your gym or yoga center or hair salon, security guard of your building or house.  Think back when we were students didn’t we want to be recognized for something we did & when the teacher did acknowledge our contribution we felt good & motivated to do better. It is no different when we become adults.

Why Encourage ?

1. Encouragement builds relationships. When you take time to notice what others around you are doing and the way in which they contribute it can make a world of difference.  Encouragement takes it a step further because it is grounded in reality.

2. Encouragement builds loyalty. You will want to know how much your boss cares more than knowing how much he/she knows.   Encouragement from the heart is genuine and goes a long way to build trust and loyalty.

3. Encouragement builds morale.  Positive morale is key to a team, a department within a Company and the entire organization.  Turnover in an organization is high when morale is low.  Most of us crave meaningful feedback, especially at work.  It’s natural to want validation and acknowledgment for our accomplishments, and many of us want to hear constructive criticism to help us learn and grow.

Research by Gallup and others shows that engaged employees are more productive. They are more profitable, more customer-focused, safer, and more likely to withstand temptations to leave. The best-performing companies know that an employee engagement improvement strategy linked to the achievement of corporate goals will help them win in the marketplace.  In world-class organizations, the ratio of engaged to disengaged employees is 9.57:1.  In average organizations, the ratio of engaged to actively disengaged employees is 1.83:1. Source

Imagine the costs associated with not encouraging or recognizing someone’s efforts and the ripple effect it has on the organization, the world outside the organization and on each of us.

Before it’s too late, start encouraging and let people know they matter. Whom have you encouraged today?  Do you have any experiences to share ?

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7 Essentials to Lead By Example

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Do you lead by example?

Did you know that every time you speak but don’t act on you word you are marring your personal image, your personal branding. You may ask how does that happen?

In daily walks of life – how many times do you hear, I will get that done by tomorrow, or we should meet for dinner or coffee or I’m here if you want my help anytime.

In the office, there’s the boss who tells every one to stay late, and then leaves promptly at 5:00pm for a golf game. There’s the CEO who tells the organization to buy into his vision of the future and the Co. though he is planning his exit strategy.  And the CEO who recommends cutting employee benefits and institutes a new rule that every client entertainment requires pre-approval but then buys brand-new luxury office furniture for his cabin and travels on the garb of an official trip and combines a vacation with that trip.

Do you recognize any of these people? What is common in all these people

Don’t you think the over promising and under-delivery.  Not leading by example?

Loyalty and commitment to our word is not a sign of being plain silly or emotional. It is a sign of strength and consistency.

The first key to greatness is to be in reality what they appear to be – Socrates

Why do some just talk & not act?

1. Change tends to happen whether people want it or not, and this can be upsetting.  People are often quite uncomfortable with change, for all sorts of reasons.  This can lead them to resist it and oppose it. They may say one thing to get over a situation at that moment and not plan to act on their word.

2. The inability to say ‘No’ to anyone

3. There are yet others who over promise either to get brownie points or on account of lack of planning and under deliver.

Every time you over commit who do you think gets hurt the most ? None other than ‘You’

So why is it so important to lead by example; and what happens when you don’t?

Think about those people who have inspired you and why you have been inspired by them?

Some of the common examples may be Martin Luther King or Gandhi. Why? Their action was living proof of their talk.

We’ve seen just how powerful it can be to lead by example from some of those whom we have been inspired. But what happens when your video is not in sync with your audio?.

Consequences – Each time you fail to honor a commitment you chip away at the bonds between you and the people who have trusted you or lent their hand in friendship .

There’s hardly anything worse for company morale than leaders who practice the “Do as I say, not as I do” philosophy. When this happens, you can almost see the loss of enthusiasm and goodwill among the staff.

No matter what the situation is, double standards – witnessing people say one thing, and then doing another – always feels like betrayals. They can be very destructive.  If this ever happened to you, you can probably remember that sense of disappointment and letdown.

Strategy– Your values are the things that you believe are important in the way you live and work.  They (should) determine your priorities, and, deep down, they’re probably the measures you use to tell if your life is turning out the way you want it to.

If you ask a co-worker to do something, make sure you’d be willing to do it yourself.  If you implement new rules for the office, then follow those rules just as closely as you expect everyone else to follow them. For example, if the new rule is “not to use mobile phones in the office, then make sure you don’t use your mobile in the office. You’ll be seen as dishonest, and your staff may become angry and start disobeying you.  Look closely at your own behavior. If you criticize people for interrupting, but you constantly do it yourself, you need to fix this. Yes, you want people to pay attention to one another and listen to all viewpoints, so demonstrate this yourself.

What is required to Lead By Example – Commitment, Integrity, Responsibility, Honesty, Respect, Courage, Ethics.  Please watch my video on the 7 elements of lead by example.

Why undervalue yourself when you can be your best friend.   Your personal brand is your word and your action. Don’t undermine it.

10 Hurdles To Emotional Learning

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When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bustling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity ~ Dale Carnegie

When I say Emotions, you almost immediately associate ‘Anger’ and ‘Sad’ as the synonyms.  Emotion is the mental state and this could be positive or negative.

There are seven major positive emotions : desire, faith, sex, enthusiasm, hope, love, romance.  And the seven major negative emotions are : anger, fear, jealousy, hatred, revenge, greed, superstition.

Our brains harbor a lot of emotions and it is the negative emotions that is worrying.  The amygdala  is most commonly associated with fear and anxiety.  Each of us have a chronic or habitual emotional level that determines the overall well-being or satisfaction.  If a threat is perceived,  the amygdala tends to hijack the reasoned response process.  We have certain triggers-things that cause us to have an emotional reaction and elicit our innate ‘fight of flight’ response.  This limits our capacity to think clearly and causes us to move to default behaviors that may not be skillful or effective.

Emotional intelligence (EI) is the cognitive ability involving traits and social skills that facilitate interpersonal behavior.  The four main components of EI are : Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Social Awareness, Relationship Management.

Our emotional level, thus is the manifested frequency level of everything and anything that is real (perceivable) to us in our world and actual life’s experiences.

Have you wondered as to Why are these negative emotions triggered?

1. Change  results in discomfort and stress – a lot of us expect life to be easy and when challenges and hurdles come along, it overwhelms us and may cause negative reactions.

2. Human Being rather than Human Doing – we forget many times that what really matters in each of our lives is what we are, what we build and what we share.  Living life with a passion and being your true self is the most important.

3. Relationships – many times we tend to chase people though they may have shown no interest in building and maintaining relationships. In our busy lives we ever so often forget to make time for those who matter the most.  We allow our pride and ego to be the mainstay of relationships and taking those, who have been with us through thick and thin,  for granted.  This leads to disappointments and triggers a lot of negative emotions.

4. Allowing our mind to control us – life is not perfect and sometimes we allow a bad moment, or a bad day to take control of our state of mind and the reactions to other unrelated events of the day.

5. Help – not asking for help when you need it desperately.  Each of us need help and cannot survive in isolation.

6. Know when to walk away and when not to give up – many times we hold onto things without asking ourselves the utility value in the same.

7. Surrounding ourselves with people who make us unhappy and drain our energy out – ignore those who hassle you, stalk you, embarrass you and step beyond the boundaries of decent behavior on social media and in real life.

8. Not being accountable & responsible – not walking the talk which leads to distrust and guilt. We loose our identity by not learning to say,  ‘No’ resulting in over committing and under delivery.

9. Not taking a break– many of us get into the rigmarole of  doing too much without pausing. In that we live without enjoying the simple pleasures that life has to offer. We are stressed out, irritable and a vicious circle ensues.

10. Focusing on past – allowing our past to continue to dominate us to such an extent that we become victims of it.  We focus on the negatives, loosing ourselves in the problem.  More often than not,  we repeatedly point to our unhappy circumstances to rationalize our negative feelings. This is the easy way out. It takes, after all, very little effort to feel victimized.   But the negative thinking and behavior hurts only one person the most and that is “You”.

So how do we deal with our Emotions especially those that trigger a negative response.

Adaptability is all about recovering from the anxiety  & adversity that change initially brings & then having the flexibility to move ahead vigorously.

I find that one way to practice this idea is to write or think about a good experience. Not only does this remind me that there’s life beyond bad feelings, but it also serves as an emotional anchor.   I find my memory can become a positive emotional reference point, to remind me of the range of possibilities when I am at my worst feeling down and out.

Refer my post on Twelve Ways to Inspire Yourself When You Are Feeling Down and Out

The role emotions play in shaping thinking accounts for a large part of why we see a failure of good thinking in most leaders.  You are free to choose behaviors that are truly in your own best interests.

We all have so much to give. We just need to consciously choose to access and share it.  When we give good vibes, good thoughts,  and a smile, we generally get it back.  Recognizing emotions is the basis of self-knowledge and interaction. An emotion comes up to the conscious level when we are ready to manage it.  I like to think emotions as colors, some simple, and yet others are blends.

Emotional memory management enables us to manage our emotions in a way that will produce more positive outcomes.  It is the “habits of mind” that reveal intellectual character.  Please watch my video on “Emotional Blindspots‘.

The 3 core development steps for all Leaders are:  Knowing Yourself, Choosing Yourself and Giving Yourself.  What do you think ?