Little Things That Matter

Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

The Virtue Of Gratitude

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I was conducting a 5 day workshop on Executive Presence recently and one of the participants started chatting with me during lunch on day 3. She was appreciative of the workshop and she felt she had not achieved what she had set for herself.

I was observing and listening to her and I was amazed at the dramatic change that this woman had displayed in a matter of 2.5 days. She had grown from someone who was shy, who had a fear of speaking in front of crowds, to someone who had found the courage to ask questions, be more articulate in her communication. Despite what I had observed, she had not noticed that in herself. She was frozen in her self- perspective

Instead of asking her, what she had set for herself, I asked her what are you thankful for? She was awestruck by my question……

 How many times have you heard yourself or others say?

→I don’t have enough time in the day to live my dreams.
→Life has been very unkind to me.
→Why Me?
→What is the point of waking up daily and doing the same thing?
→They are a difficult bunch to work with.
→I wish I could get more.
→I am tired of eating the same dish every second day.
→I have to work long hours……

While there is nothing wrong in venting out once in a while, if these become your daily slogan, day-in-day-out, it is time to stop and reflect.

Don’t allow your want of new things to forget the things you have and be thankful for it. #gratitude #humility #life

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Don’t allow your aspirations and expectations of yourself to improve, to cloud what you have achieved. #thankyou #gratitude

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Fill your life with gratitude because you and others deserve it.

Be Thankful for

1. What you have and what you have achieved.
2. The food you eat daily.
3. Waking up every morning and taking that breath into a new day.
4. Friends, family and all those who care for you in your life because without them, life is not worth living.
5. Difficult people in your life because they give you an opportunity to grow and develop
6. The challenges, because that makes you stronger
7. Not getting something because that makes you realize that you need to step out of your comfort zone and do something different.
8. The job that you have because there are many who are unemployed, and not by choice.
9. The love that is showered on you by people in your daily life.
10. Every little thing that life has given you because without any of that, you wouldn’t be where you are today.

#Life is much better lived with #gratitude because without that, you are constantly in a vicious cycle of negativity, cynicism and hurt.

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Gratitude turns
⇒enough into more
⇒denial into self-acceptance and hope
⇒ chaos into spark of light
⇒confusion into clarity

⇒And Negativity Into Positivity.

How are you going to fill your life with more Gratitude?
What are you doing to express gratitude and humility?

For one-one-one coaching, speaking, worships and training, let’s connect

Smile and the World Smiles With You

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Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

I was conducting a group coaching session few weeks back and one of the participants didn’t smile throughout the first day. Every time I looked at this participant and engaged with her, the smile was missing, no matter what the discussion or activity was. The participant got the benefit of the group coaching and this was evident from her feedback and by her behavior towards the end of the session on day 3.

Smile was something she never associated with the business world. She lived so much in achieving her goal and when she was in that frame of mind, she forgot to smile. She forgot that smiling made her look natural and less stressed when she was communicating and engaging in the business world.

Have you observed that in the Doctor’s waiting room there is rarely a smile visible. Two years back, I was waiting at the Doctor’s clinic, for an X-ray, since I had a bad fall and a suspected fracture. There was no one in the waiting room for the Radiologist, so when he came up to me and asked me who was the patient, I was taken aback. I told him that I am the patient who is waiting to get an X-ray done on my ankle. He couldn’t believe it and the reason he stated was because I was smiling!

Yes, hospitals and doctors’ clinic waiting room are typically bereft of a smile. There is an atmosphere of glum and this fuels the negativity that exists in that moment in our own minds.

Smiling when one is undergoing a challenge, adversity or pain is difficult but not impossible.

Have you noticed how babies win the heart of others by their wonderful and spontaneous smile ?

Dogs are a hit with dog lovers. They are so glad to see you and there is no one who welcomes you the way your dog does. They are so glad to see their human friends that they jump out of their skins and aren’t we glad to see them.

Smile is something we often take for granted. Yet there is magic about a genuine smile.

Why Smile? Smile because

1. It’s worth it.
2. It brings a smile on someone else’s face and makes their day.
3. It makes you happy as much as you make up your mind to be.
4. It eases the challenge and adversity in that moment and sends positive signals to your brain.
5. It minimizes the stress and overwhelm in that moment, thus giving you insights.  Click To Tweet
6. It brings out the humility and humanity in you.
7. It helps you create the right attitude to that moment.
8. It opens the door to new connections and relationships.
9. A spontaneous smile happens in a flash and the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.
10. Nobody needs a smile so much as those who have none left to give in that moment. Click To Tweet

You are your brand and why not be a messenger of good will with your smile. Click To Tweet

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

Is It Worth Analyzing The Why?

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James bid goodbye to this world a month back.

James was in his mid thirty’s and someone with whom life played games on many counts repeatedly. It is difficult to not feel James’s absence. He was lively, energetic and one who was a spectacular symbol of hope and optimism. James was differently abled in that he had lost his two legs in an accident. He was a juvenile diabetic, suffered from rheumatism, arthritis and his kidneys had started failing.

Yes, life had challenged him on many fronts, yet he never gave up hope and never ceased to fill others’ life with hope and laughter in who he was and what he did. He sure left an impact in the lives of people he touched.

I had never met James but had heard about him and his life from my friend. My friend was devastated on his death and kept asking, Why Him? Why now? Why is it every time injustice is repeatedly done to people like James?

None of his questions were amiss and yet I heard my own thoughts asking, is it worth trying to figure out the why in everything that happens?

Why do we do what we do is important to reflect on and analyze to determine if we are our real self and if the conflicts that arise are as a result of deviation from our Why.

I am a big believer in analyzing the why and I do it all the time. Yet as an observer and a listener to my friend who was grieving the loss of James, I was questioning if analyzing the why here made sense?

Everything happens for a reason and sometimes we never find the reason. Life also has taught me that trying to find out the Why many times adds fuel to the suffering.

Not every aspect in our life is within our control and thus digging into the why adds to the agony. Click To Tweet

Do you find yourself asking

Why did this happen?
Why me?
Why now?
What were the reasons?

A resounding Yes. Yes, we, at various stages in our life ask these questions for oneself and about others? But rarely do we find the answers and sometimes even if we do, we are rarely wiser and in all likelihood have increased our suffering.

Even in organizations during interviews, many interviewers hound the potential candidates for why they did what they did instead of focusing on how they bounced back or what they did differently?

Why does get into the “Being” and it is not important to dwell into that especially when it involves another person. The same “Being” can be determined from the “how” and “what”

We can search for a reason or a rhyme until we suck the life out of oneself and others, but let’s reflect on..  Click To Tweet

1. Is it Worth It – we don’t choose what happens to us or to others but the choice to react in a way that will move us forward is entirely ours. Life is for living and not flogging the dead horse.

2. Why – many things that happens to us or others may not seem rational or logical. But trying to rationalize life and each of her challenges will only take the life out of living. Even if we find the reason that moment in life is not going to come back to us.

James will not come back and by my friend continuing to ask and suffer over it, is not going to change that result.

3. How – how we deal with what happens to us in that moment of challenge and vulnerability is important and yet most difficult. Yet if we make a conscious choice we may be able to push forward and live life.

Death and many other challenges in life are difficult to accept, yet remains a reality. The best we could do is to think of who that person was and continue to be or do something that will honor their values in the world they have left. In other cases, let us not lock oneself in a red light thinking but learn to pick up the pieces and embrace an opportunity which may be around the corner.

What Attitude are you going to choose to deal with the challenges of life?

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

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What Michael Jackson Teaches Us About Leadership and Life?

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On Sunday, I watched the Michael Jackson THE IMMORTAL World Tour show by Cirque Du Soleil. I’ve always been a big fan of Cirque Du Soleil. There is a lot to be learnt about life and leadership from their shows, which I shall cover in a later post.

Watching the show, I couldn’t help think about the impact that Michael Jackson made through his music and his songs. His songs had and have a lot to offer on love, life, leadership, humanity, team spirit, togetherness, leaning in, and every little things that matters in life.  Despite several criticisms, if you look at the legend that this man was, you will realize that Michael Jackson expressed his charisma, hope, humanity, compassion, sincerity and love through his music.

Some of my favorite Michael Jackson quotes are:

“Hope is such a beautiful word, but it often seems very fragile. Life is still being needlessly hurt and destroyed.” ― Michael Jackson

In a world filled with hate, we must still dare to hope. In a world filled with anger, we must still dare to comfort. In a world filled with despair, we must still dare to dream. And in a world filled with distrust, we must still dare to believe.” ― Michael Jackson

“If you enter this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with.” ― Michael Jackson

What can you learn from MJ’s music?

1. **The Earth**

Extract of the lyrics

What about sunrise
What about rain
What about all the things
That you said we were to gain…
What about killing fields
Is there a time
What about all the things….
Did you ever stop to notice
All the blood we’ve shed before
Did you ever stop to notice
This crying Earth
This weeping shores?
……What have we’ve done to the world
Look what we’ve done
What about all the peace
That you pledge your only son…
What about flowering fields….

In 1995,  he raised awareness about the destruction that our acts are causing to Mother Nature and our Planet Earth.  The lyrics in his music not only asked relevant questions but also made an appeal to save our Planet Earth.

♣Don’t we as human beings need to take notice of our actions in all we are and all we do?♣

 2. **We are the world**

Extract of the lyrics 

There comes a time when we heed a certain call When the world must come together as one There are people dying And it’s time to lend a hand to life The greatest gift of all…

We can’t go on pretending day by day

That someone, somewhere will soon make a change We all are a part of God’s great big family And the truth, you know, Love is all we need We are the world, we are the children We are the ones who make a brighter day So let’s start giving There’s a choice we’re making We’re saving our own lives It’s true we’ll make a better day Just you and me….

This is a song of hope, love and one that asks us to think, are we not all part of God’s larger family and if so why the hate, conflict, selfishness and war?

 ♣Don’t we need to be mindful of our actions?♣

♣Don’t we need to be aware in our moments of choice?♣

♣Are we thinking about the consequences of each of our choices and resultant action or inaction?♣

3. **Heal the World**

Extract of the lyrics 

There’s A Place In
Your Heart
And I Know That It Is Love
And This Place Could
Be Much
Brighter Than Tomorrow
And If You Really Try
You’ll Find There’s No Need
To Cry…..
There Are Ways
To Get There
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Little Space
Make A Better Place…
Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race…

♣At every moment of choice let us ask yourself, are we being mindful?♣

♣Are we being human?♣

♣Are we making the world a better place?♣

♣How are we caring?♣

4. **The Man In The Mirror**

Extract of the lyrics 

I’m gonna make a change
For once in my life
It’s gonna feel real good
Gonna make a difference
Gonna make it right….
I’m starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer If you want to make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change……

♠Change begins with me and each of us and there is no point in pointing fingers and engaging in the blame game.♠

 ♣How are you holding yourself accountable?♣

♣How are you being a responsible person?♣

5. **Keep The Faith**

Extract of the lyrics

If You Call Out Loud
Will It Get Inside
Through The Heart Of Your Surrender
To Your Alibis
And You Can Say The Words
Like You Understand
But The Power’s In Believing
So Give Yourself A Chance
‘Cause You Can
Climb The Highest Mountain
Swim The Deepest Sea, Hee
All You Need Is The Will To Want It
And Uhh, Little Self-Esteem
So Keep The Faith
Don’t Let Nobody Turn You ‘Round
You Gotta Know When It’s Good To Go
To Get Your Dreams Up Off The Ground

♠Believing and trusting in yourself is imperative. Keep the hope up and never give up on yourself. Surround yourself with positivity and people who encourage and support you.♠

 ♣How are you boosting your confidence?♣

♣How do you help yourself feel it till you make it?♣

♣What is your support infrastructure?♣

♣How are you benefiting from it?♣

Each of these songs and the lyrics is applicable in daily life, in situations of leadership in life and within organizations, in despair, in hope, in believing in others and yourself and in spreading love and peace. A message of hope, love, care, and giving is what he left with each of us in his music.

Reflective Questions 

♦How are you going to be who you want to be?♦

♦How are you going to leave your impact on this world?♦

 

Does Hope Matter At The Face of Destiny?

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How many times have you heard people say , “You Control Your Destiny” and not vice versa.

How do you progress in life?

How do you achieve what you are passionate about ?

How do you translate your vision into action ?

How do you on a day-to-day basis get to where you want to be ?

Each of us have our dreams, our passions, our purpose in life which drives us and makes us come alive ?

Without putting an effort our dreams would never get fulfilled, if we leave everything to destiny.

Yet Destiny plays an imperative role in our journey of life, one we can’t change.

Do I believe in destiny?

Recent events in my life have convinced me that we can’t change our destiny. Two of my close family members are facing destiny, as I type this.

My Father in law is battling with his life for the past two months in the ICU and my mother’s health seems to be on a continuous downtrend.  Doctors and family members are doing everything they can. Prayers, medications, enquiries with various experts continue but yet I and others in our family feel helpless.  It feels that Destiny is shaping their life and we are watching helplessly.

Destiny after all controls when we die, and no matter what, none of us can control it. Yes we can control how we live but if we are destined to die in a particular way there is no changing that.  When you go through such events in your life it makes you wonder do we have control over what finally dictates our fate?

My mom has always been very careful with the way she has lived her life. She has always been kind, thankful, and helpful. Though she came from a conservative family, she has always been bold and empowered herself in her journey of life. She has always been meticulous, disciplined and a human being from whom I have learnt a lot. Yet where she stands today, she suffers at the hands of destiny.

I often question as to why her ? Doesn’t the balance sheet of her life need to tally in that when all she has done is good, why make her suffer?

Old age has its own share of miseries some of which may be caused by the way we have lived our younger years and yet others beyond our control.  You may say why worry about things beyond your control. Yes, but when you see your mom suffer and you aren’t able to do anything, you feel helpless and defeated.

Have I given up hope? No, hope is what is taking me through from day-to-day. My mind is restless and the flight from Hope to hope through each moment is what carries me through.  Hope is the power of being cheerful in circumstances which we know to be desperate. –G.K. Chesterton

Extreme hopes are born of extreme misery. –Bertrand Russell

I can only pray for miracles at this stage. I pray that their suffering reduces. I am pained to see my Dad’s pain. He is the best optimist I have always known and yet there are times of despair in his eyes.

My mother in law is a woman of tremendous strength and yet she feels helpless and hopeless that she is not able to do much in being able to reduce the pain and suffering her husband is going through.

Each of our strength and character has been tested in the past several months.

What have I learnt and still learning?   To believe in destiny but yet not give up hope. I have reiterated to myself to be realistic but be positive and be gratuitous to what I have amongst suffering and despair. It is moments of positivity that carries me through. I remind myself to treat life well rather than get hung up on people’s attitudes, ego and arrogance. I consciously avoid the naysayers, the arrogant and egoistic people because they don’t matter. You know your true friends in your life’s challenges. I am learning to value each moment through mindfulness, rather than worry about how tomorrow is going to be.  I don’t want to lose each moment that has been gifted to me with my loved ones.

I don’t want to give up, so God help me.

 

 

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What Makes You Come Alive?

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“The purpose of life is a life of purpose.” ― Robert Bryne

Life has a different meaning to each of us & in the many earth shattering moments that life presents us, some of us look for our calling. I believe that no matter how big or small, each of us, are driven by a purpose.

One of my friends had come to visit me a week back and we were catching up on family, events and life. She asked me how my parents were doing and I mentioned to her that my mom was not keeping too well. Her mom wasn’t keeping too well either. Each of us remarked that age adds its own share of twists and turns to life.

But then, I got thinking and told her, you know, what saddens me the most is that I feel that my mom has lost the drive, the sense of need to fight back. Of course her health has been challenging, but many times I feel she perhaps feels that she has lost the ‘Purpose’. My friend listening to my remark and my description of the various aspects of how my mom was, nodded in agreement.

Purpose in life is what leads us. This passion could be varied from bringing up children, serving and helping the needy, becoming one of the world’s richest entrepreneur, winning an Olympic medal, to looking after your family and home.

For each of us who are committed in doing what gives us joy, with sudden challenges like health issues, accidents or any other calamity, some of us feel cut off from our purpose. We feel there is no driving energy for our life.

My mom had a busy life and took joy in bringing up her two daughters, looking after her husband and her home. She made sure that the home was a temple filled with love, values and warmth. She worked hard for this and achieved this day in and day out. In the past few years on the advise of her doctor she is not allowed to do any household chores. May be, she feels that an important part of her life was taken away from her.

You may ask why don’t I ask her or talk to her. I have and continue to do so. She of course denies but I just sense a feeling of loss from her eye expressions and I feel sad.

We all live for a purpose and despite what life throws at us, somehow we need to get ourselves to change course without losing hope and momentum.  This is something that has to come from within. Hope is not something we can deny ourselves nor others. I don’t believe in giving false hope. You need to face reality but you should not lose enthusiasm nor lose the drive.

I constantly derive a lot of inspiration from my parents, my sister and from the various life stories of people that I meet or read or hear about.

One person who comes to my mind is Christopher Reeve.  Despite his paralysis, Reeve was determined to be financially self-sufficient. Less than a year after his injury, Reeve began to accept invitations for speaking engagements. He through his actions showed each of us that there can be life even after a serious injury and one should never give up.

Purpose in life is something each of us can associate with but sometimes we have to change paths to achieve our dreams or vision.

“There is a fire inside, Sit down beside it. Watch the flames, the ancient, flickering dance of yourself.” John MacEnulty

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Is it All About Different Strokes?

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In life what we see depends on what we look for. Perspective is the point of view or the ability to see something tangible or intangible objectively.
Each of us have the ability to choose our reactions to challenges or situations that life presents us with.  To me there are three types of Perspectives
1.The Right Perspective – Many times each of us think that the difficulties that we encounter are possibly the worst. However there are people out there with much worse problems than mine or yours and taking that view when we are down and out helps put a right perspective to life.
It’s okay that different people will come up with different ideas about the meaning of life. However, life ends up feeling a lot more gracious and open if each of us stop projecting our meaning on someone else. What matters is we don’t give up hope nor do we take away hope from some one else. This  particular clip from the movie “Shaw Shank Redemption” resonates this message well
2. The Wrong Perspective – One of the best examples is the view that many in this World have on where Women belong and the treatment meted out to her. Women have been discriminated in many parts of the world in their access to food, education, work, healthcare, and in opportunities to participate in their development, to think,and realize their dreams or even in their basic right to live.
In many parts of the world women are mere instruments of the ends of others whim and fancy – as sexual victims, re-producers, care takers, and as agents of a family’s general prosperity. Their acceptability is only as appendages of men, as daughters, sisters, wives, mothers, and not as one who has her own identity and a basic right to live her life the way she wants it.
For those who are so opinionated about where women don’t belong, may be consider the suggestions in the video below. Where Do Women Belong
3. The Differing Perspective this clip from the movie “Shaw Shank Redemption”, in my view beautifully conveys the different perspectives of a word like ‘rehabilitated’. This scene reminds of me the pep talk that senior management of many firms give to employees when a company cuts salaries or jobs. Or the numerous speeches that we have so often heard from many politicians re: unemployment numbers and how the economy is doing better. Ask a man without a meal a day and his perspective on the state of the economy or job loss may be way different.
We all know about some of the you tube videos going viral. However, it is not necessary that the more number of views a video has, that it conveys a hard-hitting message or  something worth watching. May be it is the curiosity as to why a video has gone viral that makes one view it ?
Each of us are unique and with different strokes but what we cannot have is The Wrong Perspective. Live, Let Live and Be Human.
Thank you for reading this post. If you have any comments or a different perspective please feel free to add those in the Comments Section Below.

SHOW SOMEONE YOU CARE

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This is an email I received from a friend of mine. I loved the message and thought I should share..

If those who owe us nothing gave us nothing, how poor we would be.  ~Antonio Porchia

I was sitting at the bar of a local restaurant having lunch and taking a break from the daily grind, sitting there thinking about how tough I had it lately and how I was sick of what I was doing. I own a landscape company and never felt I made a difference in people’s lives.

As I sat there feeling sorry for myself, a pretty girl who looked about 25 walked in and sat down in a booth waiting for her friend. It didn’t take long before I saw she was trying to stay hidden in a way from other people’s gazes and my heart sank. You could see her hair was falling out and, at such a young age, she was receiving chemo.

I sat there watching her trying to remain composed and she was having a tough time of it. I ached for her, imagining what it must be like to go through this and yet I know some of her pain. You see I buried my wife, the love of my life just a few short years ago and watched her slowly fade away. I needed to get a message of hope to this girl but how? What could I do?

Then it hit me! I called over her waitress and explained that I wanted to buy the girl and her friend’s lunch but I also told her you can’t tell her it was me, it had to remain anonymous. In doing so, I handed her a note to give to the girl when she told her that her tab was paid.

The note read as follows: Someone today thought you were beautiful, someone today thought your smile glowed with excitement, someone today thought your eyes lit up the world, someone today cared and wanted you to know this. Enjoy the rest of your day, pretty young lady”.

About 15 minutes later the young girl asked for her check and I watched as she was told it was paid for. She asked why? Who? What for? The waitress simply handed her the note and informed her that the gentleman who did it left, as to keep me anonymous.

I watched as she slowly read the note. Her eyes teared up, for only a moment, and then came the smile! A huge, beautiful, hopeful smile! She lit up the room and then sat up straight, not caring who saw her. Her friend also beamed, not for what was done but because her friend was feeling beautiful again.

It’s not how we look or what we have, it’s not our houses or how many cars we have, nor is it how much money we can earn. No, it isn’t. You see it’s all about how much we care and what we do, even if it’s making someone feel pretty only for a moment.

Yes, lunch cost only a few dollars but you see the wonderful part, the magic was free.

Make a difference today in just one life; it’s free.