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Archives for September 2015

Is The Power Of Empathy Lacking In Leaders?

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Empathy, the ability to resonate with your requisite emotional response, to what others are experiencing in that moment.

“You are a Coach. One of the key essentials to being a good coach is to listen and not fix things”. This was one of the first things, I heard, in one of my coach certification trainings.

Empathy, is a necessity, not just as a coach, but as a human being in every walk of life including at work. Yet, it is lacking in many leaders, who need it the most.

Empathy is important in a cross cultural context, in evaluating somebody, in working with somebody, to understand what your customer needs and in the highly connected world that we live in where people are quite vocal in their opinions. You need empathy in understanding the dynamic needs of your audience, no matter, you are in sales, in back office, in front office, leadership and development facilitator or purchasing and requisition.

Two weeks back, a friend of mine was quite upset and frustrated. She narrated to me her experience, the previous day at work. One of her senior colleagues, did not give her an opportunity to do what she does best. He interrupted her, whilst she was doing her work and basically rode the show. Empathy was lacking from this senior colleague of hers who decided that he will have his way and not allow her to do what she is good at. His behavior of over dominance also caused her to doubt her confidence and her ability. This colleague had failed to see the world through her eyes and understand her perspective.

#Empathy is #listening and understanding others and goes beyond that. #leadership #peopleskills #transitions

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 To be a good listener, it takes more than just hearing with your ears, as to what the person is saying—it requires focus, an innate desire, mindfulness and conscientiousness.

Empathy is:

→1. Allowing someone to do what they are good at and not standing in their way.
→2. If someone is not able to get to their goal, find out what stopped them from getting there and have the understanding to facilitate a solution that works best with that person and in that situation.
→3. If someone has made a mistake, calling attention to their mistakes indirectly. One way to do this is by asking questions.
→4. When you listen, you give your undivided attention of your mind, body and soul to the person who is talking. Listening requires concentration and this is evident not only from your ears but from your body language, your tone, your eyes and words. Know when to speak up and when to shut up.
→5.Understanding the cultural nuances with your observation powers, your ears and your heart.
→6. In the art of Persuasion, understand what is the benefit to that person and how does it matter to them ?
→7. To pick the cues in every relationship and in every conversation. How can you be empathetic if you have not been able to sense what the situation requires?
→8. When somebody is agitated, let them vent in a manner that is most suitable to that person and as the situation demands.
→9. Your behavior, your tone, your body language, and the words you choose can be the most effective form of empathy and make the fault seem easy to correct.
→10. Praise the slight improvement and praise every improvement. Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise- Dale Carnegie
→11. Asking questions instead of giving direct orders.
→12. Allowing someone to save face.
→13. Disagreeing agreeably with others. Giving respect to the other person’s opinion and never saying that they are wrong.
→14. Honoring your word and staying true to your commitment.
→15. Acknowledging the goodness in others and not allowing your judgment to mar that.

What would you like to add to the above list of Empathy ?

Empathy is the EI, the intellectual and emotional curiosity to see other people’s reality, and having the mindset to adapt to what the situation demands.

#Empathy is the #pathos in every #human connection. #leadership #transitions #peopleskills

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You have a leadership mindset when you are empathetic which means you need to be focussed, mindful and adaptive to the current moment.

Empathy is imperative in transitions – to self and others, to see through the transitions that life journeys us through.  Connect with me if you need coaching either on a one-on-one or as a group, to manage transitions, at work or in life, through coaching. 

How To Be Assertive in 15 Easy Steps

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Assertiveness means being aggressive, and so I chose not to be assertive, was the comment made by one of my colleagues whilst we were chatting about the ability to say “No”.

-Does assertiveness equal aggression ?
-If a woman is assertive, is the common misperception, especially in the Asian society, that she is aggressive.
– if your boss, knowing that you have an important commitment at 6 pm today, which you have informed him of, walks over to your desk at 5:30 pm and tells you that you need to submit some deliverables by 7 pm this evening, for a client meeting at 10 am tomorrow, would that be considered aggressive ?
– if you decide to remind him of your commitment at 6 pm and state that you will attend to it the next morning and submit it before the client meeting, would that be assertive or aggressive?

Assertiveness is often perceived as aggression. On the spectrum of communication, passive lies at one end and aggression at the other end. Assertiveness lies right at the mid-range. Assertiveness is where not only your needs matter but also those of others and the way you communicate, takes care of both.

Assertive communication is about working with people and not against them. Albert Mehrabian has conducted several studies on communication and his premise was that when we are not aligned in our vocal, visual and verbal, minimal or no importance is given to our words (verbal). When our body language, facial expressions, tone in which we communicate and the words we communicate with, are incongruent, what is given importance in our communication is

55% to body language and facial expressions – Visual
38% to vocal – tone of our voice
7% to words – words used to deliver our message.

Assertive communication can be aggressive if our tone, body language, and facial expressions used to convey our message indicates rudeness and arrogance even if the words used may be gentle.

If your boss decides to dump something on your desk at the 11th hour, very well knowing that you had a commitment, that is considered aggression. If you decide to say that you will attend to it tomorrow and make sure it gets done before the client meeting, then it is not considered as aggression as long as your visual, vocal and verbal are aligned and does not indicate rudeness.

Aggressive behavior is where you are arrogant and demand for things whereas Assertiveness is about being frank and forthright about your needs and rights without ignoring those of others.

Being assertive may be challenging and it is a skill that can be learned. The primer for developing your assertiveness is a good understanding of who you are and a belief in the value you bring. When you have that and are able to convey that in the way you communicate, you display your self-confidence.

How to be Assertive and What are some of the techniques ?

→1. To be professional and respectful

→2. Use appropriate language and humor

→3. Consider the audience, relationship, and environment

→4. Turn the negative into positive

→5. Aware of diversity issues

→6. Listen without prejudice or bias

→7. Be non-judgmental

→8. Do not get defensive

→9. Be warm and approachable

→10. To Communicate assertively means to communicate with diplomacy, and tact and confidence. It means being aware and sensitive and keeping negative emotions at bay.

→11. To be assertive does not mean compromising nor being aggressive. You can get to “win-win” more easily and see the value in what your counterparty or audience is saying and in his/her position. You see their point of view.

→12. You Walk your talk and you stay committed to your word.

→13. You treat everyone else as they would want to be treated and in doing so, you are self-confident and believe in yourself.

→14. You are empathetic and do not shy away from direct communication.

→15. You prepare well on the way you need to communicate. You maintain your EQ even in the most difficult of circumstances.

#Assertiveness helps to build and develop on your #self-confidence and improve your #peopleskills.

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Being assertive shows that you respect yourself because you are willing to stand up for your interests and express your thoughts and feelings without hurting others.

Assertiveness is not the solutions to all your problems and you need to be assertive as is appropriate to the given situation. Context is key to being an assertive communicator.

With the various transitions in life, you need to be assertive and find your core.  For enhancing your communications skills either on a one-on-one basis or by way of grouse workshops, please connect with me.