Little Things That Matter

Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

How To LOSE IN LEADERSHIP?

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I was at my friend’s place last week for dinner. She has 2 kids, a son and daughter. We were chatting and in the midst of a discussion, her daughter Nikita, comes up to her Dad and reminds him that it is her time to play chess with him.  Despite being told that he will play with her later, she insists.  He consents and tells her that she will play the game without playing any pranks.  Nikita is a junior chess champion at  a State level for girls under 10 years. Her dad, although not a champion has always been an expert in chess. We were watching them play and Nikita suddenly turned to her mom and asked her a question on what she should do.  I also noticed that she didn’t just ask for a solution but explained what her strategy was and consulted her mother on which option she should choose as the next step.
John was having some morale issues among his team. He had 5 direct reports though he was responsible for a team of fifty. He decided he will conduct a survey to determine the engagement and satisfaction among his team. At the end of one month, the time period given for completing the survey, only fifteen of his team members had responded and that too those that he had coaxed into responding. Based on the results of fifteen members who took the survey, John concluded that he was not the reason for the low morale issue.
What do these two different individuals teach you ? Nikita teaches you to lose like a leader. John is an example of how with his title, is self-centered, egoistic and supports his own press.
Leadership is not always about winning or about titles or elevated status. As leaders you can lose, and yet inspire your followers and have respect
Five Behaviors To Lose As A Leader
  1. Your control and micromanagement – if instead of managing teams you micromanage by refusing to delegate leads to mistrust and low morale. You don’t allow people to grow and develop and utilize their talents.
  2. Fear – as a leader you don’t need to know all the answers. Lose your fear of asking questions and finding out from people who may be experts or have the knowledge. Nikita consulted her mom when she was unsure about the next move she should choose to achieve her strategy.
  3. Manipulation – you don’t necessarily become a leader by occupying a position of a leader in an organization You have to earn the respect and trust of your team or people whom you work with. Without appreciating your team, empathizing with their views, needs or alternate views, your team can get disengaged. John didn’t want to take responsibility for the low morale among his team members. He tried to force some of his team members to fill the survey and get the results he desired. He shut out the truth.
  4. Withholding information – you cannot gain trust by revealing and sharing information that suits you. Self-serving behavior is a slippery slope and a prelude to an organization’s failure.
  5. Bad attitude – You can lose your ego and be humble. Humility will make you likable and earn the respect of your team. Whilst as a leader you are not expected to know everything, you need to keep abreast of the developments. You have to be credible.

As leaders, you would do well in losing your ego, arrogance, need to demand respect and be liked.

As you scale up the path in an organization or in your business as a leader and part of senior management, it probably gets lonely at the top. The responsibility that many leaders feel for their team and people creates a fear of failure and possibly a lack of Executive Presence. Many leaders get overwhelmed and start denying reality.
Life at work or in an organization has challenges that sometimes feels as if it saps the energy out of you. There are a wide range of emotions that you will experience and confront as a leader.  However as a leader, why fear in seeking help to get on a path of personal development and avoiding the pitfalls and letting your inner gremlin bewilder you?  A coach or mentor can assist you in the shift you want to make in your professional development and growth.
Reflective Questions
1. As a leader are you known for your integrity?
2. Why do you want to lead? What does leadership mean to you?
3. What have you learned from losing?
For Coaching, Facilitating and Speaking Connect.  About Lalita Raman
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Character, the decisive factor in the life of a leader

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Life throws many challenges, she pushes you, propels you and prods you. How you behave, act and live through each of these challenges is your choice. Your character is who you are in these moments of choice.

We have good days and bad days. Good days give you joy, and bad days tests you, teaches you and how you deal with it makes you who you are. Your character is tested and revealed the most during adversities.

What are the key elements of Character ?

1. Commitment – how dedicated are you to who you are and what you seek to do? Words are necessary but actions provide the power and prove who you are and the important link between the two is Commitment. How would you feel, when someone who borrowed your book fails to return within the promised time? In every aspect of life, you need to walk and live your talk. Your thoughts, audio and video needs to be in sync.

2. Honesty – A journey within, to follow the inner voice that has both gentleness and clarity and helps you find who you really are. We need to be bold and courageous to follow this inner journey, to face who we are, what we are capable of, what we are uncomfortable with and be true and honest to the inner core. How authentic are you? Authenticity is not only being true to oneself, being yourself or “walking your talk” but also how you feel about yourself. Authenticity is when you are comfortable in your skin and also connecting with others without any hypocrisies.

3. Attitude – I find it rather strange that on Twitter, many choose to say thank you immediately if a mention or a Retweet has been made by someone who has more than 30,000 followers. Till then the person who has done a RT and Mention is completely ignored. This to me reveals the attitude of the person and a true display of their character. You reveal your character in how you choose to treat someone who can’t do anything for you. Your attitude is what you choose and something you have complete control of.

4. Respect – one of the values I was taught as a child is to give respect and then take. Respect not only those who are rich and famous but a waiter in a restaurant or a person who cleans the public toilets. Imagine if the public toilets in the airports weren’t cleaned or the trash wasn’t cleared. Would you like to do that job ? Respect a person irrespective of status or titles.

5. Abilities – your ability is in not how high your IQ is but depends to a great extent on your EI when you deal with others.

6. Courage – how often have you stepped out of your comfort zone and tried to be who you are or who you wanted to be? How many times have you approached your daily life with courage? I drive a lot of inspiration from reading or seeing or knowing people, who, despite their physical limitations, have ventured to climb Mountain Kilimanjaro or have engaged in similar activities.

7. Trust – no journey or relation begins without Trust. Your behavior, your act and your own inner journey should enable reliance to be placed on your integrity, strength, ability and who you are.

8. Empathy– how well are you able to identify with another’s situation, feelings and emotions? Do you like to take center stage by talking more than listening? Do you listen to understand or respond? The best gift you can give someone is your attention and empathy. How you empathize reveals your character?

9. Righteousness – doing the right thing at all times and in all circumstances whether or not anyone is watching or observing you. Does the end justify the means for you and do you allow the end to dominate your behavior? Do you listen to your inner voice or go by the herd mentality in situations of dilemma?

Inward change begins when you evaluate and reflect on your strengths, your blind spots and attitudes. You can be a leader when you look in the mirror and make changes you need to make. Leadership is not about titles or occupying a big position in an organization. It begins with small things in day-to-day life be it in how you respond to abuse on the street, how you behave in a crowd when you see something blatantly wrong, how you respond to someone who may not be able to do anything for you in your life and who you are when you feel your life is in the trenches.

-How are you revealing your character on a daily basis ?
-Are you humble in your acts and who you are ?
-Does leadership mean only occupying a title and position within an organization?
-How are you influencing those lives whom you touch on a daily basis ?

Is “MOTIVATION” a Scam ?

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Who Is Awesome ?YOU ARE

Who’s Awesome ?
YOU ARE
PHOTO : LALITA RAMAN

 

One of my friends takes every chance to state on Twitter, in his daily conversations and probably in his own thoughts that, “Motivation Is A Scam.”

You have had a tough day at work, you come home hoping to unwind and relax. However, your daughter who was slightly unwell develops high fever and you end up spending the entire night at the hospital. You have to go to work the next day since you are trying to finalize on some important deals and meet some deadlines. You are not in the best framework but still manage to get through your deadlines when half way through the day you are told you miss the deal. What drives you up the wall is that the reason you lost the deal was absolutely silly. You are at your lowest and your state of mind is such that it is reeling in negative thoughts. You have been through a series of such bad patches and you force yourself to get out of this negative vicious circle.

You know what it is like continuing to be there and you think back to your WHY and what you believe in ? What does this sound like, to you ?

“Motivation is the psychological feature that arouses an organism to action toward a desired goal and elicits, controls, and sustains certain goal directed behaviors. It can be considered a driving force; a psychological drive that compels or reinforces an action toward a desired goal. For example, hunger is a =motivation that elicits a desire to eat. Motivation has been shown to have roots in physiological, behavioral, cognitive, and social areas.”

More often than not motivation is telling yourself that a greater reward is awaiting if you continue to believe in your “Why”. Most of us believe that our feelings cause our behavior. However, research indicates that feelings often follow our behavioral choices which follows our thoughts. So if we choose to get out of negative thoughts we can control our behavior too. For all this to happen there needs to be a reason for each of us to do so and this reason is Motivation. Not surprising that one of the most popular themes on the Internet is on personal development and growth. However, the tips and articles can only be inspiring and useful if you decide to change and have the inclination to do so.

Motivation will remain a scam if the burning desire to change or do something meaningful is lacking within you.

We can control our behaviors by controlling the words we speak to ourselves and thoughts that we engage in. I find that if I use words and thoughts that engage, challenge, encourage and empower, I am able to move forward. Non-stop exposure to negativity by way of words, thoughts or company we are in disrupts our memory, attention, and judgment. When we speak to ourselves and others, words that express confidence, faith, and hope without sacrificing the truth helps to inspire others and yourself. Try it.

When does motivation become a scam?

  • If you start to sell trash in the name of inspiring others.
  • If you don’t live your words
  • If you aren’t engaging with people in real discussions
  • If you think you know it all and stop listening to others
  • If you aren’t helping someone who is struggling with being stuck in a negative vicious circle.

Life is about living and each of us go through our share of struggles in life. Our inner self has to be the biggest motivator and in moments when we struggle we take aid from friends, family and true inspiring stories. My biggest motivation and learning is from real life stories and how some people despite all odds get what they aimed for. An example in the attached you tube.

Coming back to this friend of mine, despite his continued belief, he is doing an inspiring and motivational show !

Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy. 
Norman Vincent Peale 

 

 

“The Silence” – 5 Do’s and Dont’s

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Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in life has purpose. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

How many times have you wished silence from a person sitting opposite you or in a meeting room ?

How many times have you been in an awkward moment when you realized that you should have kept silent after spitting out words in anger?

 In Silence it is important to listen and it is a communication skill in that one needs to know when not to talk or interrupt.

  1. In sales pitches, the inability to remain silent can cost the deal and many times the client relationship. Have you and your team members who are presenting to the client given an opportunity to the client to speak? Have you listened what they need?  A good sales person listens far more than they talk.
  2. You call on your friend to share a difficulty that you are going through. When you meet this friend, he starts talking about his day and how he would have handled or has handled difficulties in his life. He has barely heard you, leave alone listen. You sit there listening to his nonstop babble, when all you wanted him to do was listen – Listen silently without interruptions or judgment. Many times in life all we need is to vent out what we are going through and a person to listen.  There is a time for silence, time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over.
  3. Most of us have met this person who endlessly brags about their deal striking ability or the number of places they have been or the people whom they have met. A lot of this happens without context and some of these nonstop banter may endanger the privy of confidential data.
  4. Being extremely negative about competition just to get your company to win the bid. Many times these conversations take place over a drink or dinner and damages the reputation of the company and the person.
  5. Dropping names just to show how influential you are.

There is a time and place for everything and silence in all the above situations is appropriate and necessary. It is better to use the art of silence rather than blurting out on an impulse, just to say something.

Nothing strengthens authority so much as silence – Leonardo Da Vinci

 Is Silence good or warranted in all situations ? No, absolutely not.

  1.  Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. You are the lonely one who can be the lead in your life.
  2. Never be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering, violence in any form and humiliation. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented and being neutral and silent is not the solution. The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people but the silence over that by the good people. Martin Luther King Jr.
  3. Never be silent when you are aware about acts of wrong doing within a company or in any other day-to-day situations.
  4. Never be silent in situations where silence may mean acceptance or consent or grant of approval.
  5. Do not be silent in the face of misunderstandings.

Silence is about mastering the art of timing. During public speaking, silence is good for the audience to think, for you to create emphasis around a new idea that you may be presenting.  Even on Social Media, you need to know that not everything needs to be shared and there is no necessity to have an opinion on every single matter or a status update on whether you are thinking, swimming, having dinner or wish to talk or doing many other things. If you need to express all of that, best to journal it or talk to yourself.

Silence is one of the great arts of communication as long as you know when and where.

It is tact that is golden, not silence. Samuel Butler

Which word or set of words will you choose to use every time you speak?

Do you need to speak every time you have an urge to say something?

Please refer my blog post on Power Of Listening – Shut Up and Listen Will Ya ?

Images : Lalita Raman

How To Take Charge Of Your Personal Growth : 10 Essentials

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“We want a world where life is preserved, and the quality of life is enriched for everybody, not only for the privileged.” ~ Isabel Allende

Personal Growth is one which I find it difficult to define because it encompasses a lot of things. When we are born, most of us are given a suitcase full of standards, acceptable behavior, things to learn,values & a whole load of do’s and don’ts. As we grow and progress in life we keep adding or throwing away some contents of this suitcase. Each of us thus become a product of the choices we have made or that we have consciously decided not to make.

How many times in your day-to-day life have you been told right from childhood, ” you can’t do this” or “you need to follow this”, or “the deadline for this project is 20 days from now”, “you need to get married by 25” or as a woman you hear “you need to behave lady like” or something similar.

We may choose to follow some of these instructions, advise or suggestions and yet others we ignore because we feel it is just gender stereotyping. However respect, being ethical and being human is something I would like to think that most of us are ingrained with while growing up. This value is further enhanced when we observe our parents, and the behavior of our community in which we socialize.

In today’s day and age I find many who have lost the basic etiquette of courtesy, and being polite.  Take the case of social media where you try to make new connections and most people love to get more and more followers. Whilst it is good to make new connections, I find it strange and disrespectful when some of them don’t even bother to acknowledge you when you RT them or react to something on their timeline (I’m not referring to trolls here). Why are we so keen to make new connections and being part of every form of social media when we can’t spend quality time on existing relationships, we don’t have time to acknowledge and ask how one is doing?

There are many who don’t give importance to loyalty and commitment to their word. People speak about change but refuse to change themselves and yet others who insult and abuse in the name of religion and ethics.

Isn’t Personal Growth about

  1. Achieving more love, belonging, better communication skills and relationships
  2. Accessing greater understanding and wisdom
  3. Aligning, anchoring and actualizing your goals
  4. Awakening the inner voice.
  5. Being a better communicator and listener and to relate to others feelings.
  6. Becoming an instrument of transformation for others
  7. Breaking through barriers, fears and limitations that hold you back. Learning how to create what you want
  8. Changing for the better. Maintain clarity and focus. Make shifts and change more quickly, with less pain. Draw out your own personal pathway to success. Know where you want to go. Know who you are and what you stand for
  9. Measuring, tracking and improving what is important
  10. Developing more self-trust and self-reliance.

Life is a journey where each of us face obstacles in pursuing goals, or in just living.   Some of us get overwhelmed with some of these hurdles and yet some of us work through these challenges and grow stronger. But isn’t life about learning, developing, growing and moving on to take new pursuits and face new challenges?

To me, personal growth is having integrity and being human.  Biggest value that any of us need to have and remember is to Be Human.   We are always one decision, one word, one reaction away from damaging what has taken us years to develop so don’t you think we need to be careful of our words and actions?

Top 5 Reasons to Show Gratitude

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Early this week I got chatting with one of my friends on Twitter ( @SusanMarie_NY).  The discussion started off on a quote by Bruce Lee and somewhere along the way we started discussing the quote by Aldous Huxley “Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted.”

She mentioned about a day when she was feeling miserable waiting at the dentist for her turn and then her attention was suddenly caught by 5 children in wheelchairs being brought in by a school. She was thunderstruck that they were all so happy though they could not walk……

When you come across such meetings in life, don’t things automatically fall in perspective and you realize that we take many things for granted.

More often than not, many of us tend to moan about not having a good dress to wear for a party or not having enough time to be on Social Media or not liking the food since it quite didn’t match our expectation. But when we do so, have we ever asked ourselves what about those who wear torn clothes or have no clothes to wear or those who are fighting for life and or are in a vegetative state or those who have no food to eat.

When I travel, I learn not only about the city, the people, the culture but also realize how lucky I’m in many ways in the city I live in terms of the facilities and efficiency and remind myself I should stop complaining about the city I live in.

Gratitude, an act which we ever so often forget but need to keep it as part of our daily lives. Why Show Gratitude to people around us, things we have, people who care for us and many more..

1. Happiness – a heartfelt gratitude is pleasing to the soul. It reminds us of the positive things we have in our life.

2. Reminder – Many of us complain about Monday morning but have we ever thought there may be many who may not be seeing the Monday dawn. We complain about how stressful work is but what about those who have no work and struggling to find work to earn income. As I continued the conversation with my friend on Twitter, she mentioned something which brought tears to my eyes and I quote “When I begin to take things for granted, “I look at my arms and legs. I am serious.”

3. Peace  – when we pay gratitude to the little things – each day that dawns on us, our eyes, ears, nose, feet, legs, hands, we surround ourselves with peace. If you are at peace with yourself you will find serenity and peace at the world around you.

4. Stronger – life to any of us is never a bed of roses.  We face challenges, and some of these challenges could be nerve wrecking.  But if we allow oneself to step back and think how strong we became from the last daunting task, we will be thankful.  Let’s try to take every trial in life as an opportunity to get strong and be thankful that it makes us stronger.

5. Thank you – there is a God in each of us. Most of us believe in a higher power or God but have you ever realized that God could be in the form of a complete stranger who has helped you by holding the door open for you when your hands are full with loads of bags or someone who has pulled you back from getting knocked over by a vehicle whilst you were walking lost in your thoughts. Each of us have people in the form of parents, brothers, sisters, friends, acquaintances, spouse who care for us, support us and help us. A big Thank you to people who care goes a long way in making their day and makes you feel good.  On Twitter, many of us follow others and vice versa and we strike a relationship with many of them. They become friends and some of them we probably have not met to date in real life. Many of them take time from their day to connect, retweet your posts or some part of your time line and yet I find many who on account of the several followers don’t even bother to acknowledge. You don’t lose anything with a Thank you or a smile as a form of gratitude.

Life has its strange twists and turns but let’s not forget the simple Thank you, Sorry and other forms of gratitude. Make sure when you show gratitude, let it be from within and from your heart.

I know I often complain and moan about how hard my day is or when I have aches and pains but when I see people who are possibly worse than me and still smiling and take life with a positive attitude, I remind myself to smile and look up at what I’ve got in life.

Charity begins at home and let’s start with those who make a difference in our lives each day, who care for us by thanking them

“It is easy to love the people far away. It is not always easy to love those close to us. It is easier to give a cup of rice to relieve hunger than to relieve the loneliness and pain of someone unloved in our own home. Bring love into your home for this is where our love for each other must start” – Mother Teresa

Do you have any experiences of gratitude that you would like to share?

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Power of Listening – Shut Up and Listen Will Ya

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“You have to learn to listen and listen to learn” ~unknown

Following my two earlier blog posts on The Art of Listening and How to Listen –  7 Simple Tips, I decided to share some of my thoughts and experiences on a Video Blog on the Power of Listening.

What is the most demanding feeling that most of us go through at a time when we are stressed and feel like we are about to breakdown. To be Listened?  The act of not listening indicates a complete disrespect and lack of focus in what the other party is saying.  Listening is not only with the ears but also with the eyes and the heart.

How To Listen – 7 Simple Tips

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“You have to learn to listen and listen to learn” ~unknown

I was with a friend of mine, the other day, having a cup of coffee and when she asked me about my travel plans for the year, I started talking to her about some of my immediate travel plans. I suddenly realized she wasn’t paying attention. She was busy looking at her iPhone, typing away on Twitter. Though she kept an occasional eye contact with me, her mind was elsewhere. She was hearing but not listening.

We often face such situations in our daily life amongst friends, family and also at the work place in meetings and casual conversations.

One of the key elements of Communication  is to listen attentively so as to give expanding space for the talker’s expression and whenever possible validate the meaning conveyed by the talker. The act of not listening indicates a complete disinterest in and lack of focus in what the talker believes to be important.

Key in listening is “Give out what you most want to come back.”

 ― Robin S. Sharma, The Greatness Guide: Powerful Secrets for Getting to World Class 

As a follow-up to my earlier post on “The Art of Listening, following are some of the tips that I use to be an effective listener.

1. Body language – When I’m sitting across listening to a person, I must listen with not only my ears but also 

my eyes and heart.  It is important to listen not only to the words but also the tone of the voice.  This will enable us to listen to the Why and not just the What. Listening with the eyes by observing the body language of the talker and listening with the heart to feel and empathize with the talker is necessary to make the connection.  Till you listen to the emotions that the other party is displaying, you cannot empathize.

2. Listen to understand – most of us listen to respond rather than to understand. Any conversation should facilitate leaving more than enough space and time for the other party to think, feel, formulate ideas, elaborate and discover a complete expression of his or her concerns or point of view.

3. Paraphrase – this is one of my favorites. Paraphrasing helps to demonstrate that you have heard what was said and also indicates that you are interested.  Paraphrasing can be done by way of questions or statements, depending on the situation. I find asking questions such as ” would you mind clarifying what you mean by that” or ” what could be your next step” useful.  Some of these questions helps to create the trust and holding environment in that relationship.

4. Silence – Attentive welcoming vacuum or silence.  Listening is not all about complete silence but using the

latter to provide a larger receptacle for the talker to unload, model and remodel volunteered personal thoughts, feelings and motivations.  The latter works well not only in coaching and counseling sessions but also in any situation of emotional outbursts.

5. Listen without filters and judgement –  many times when we are in a conversation many of us meander

away in our own thoughts and go on a journey of our own experiences.  I can only understand if I listen attentively without filtering through an intellectual, conceptual, emotional, personal, technical framework.

6. Listening and Looking – Making an eye contact is an integral part of any conversation.  There is absolutely

no point in engaging someone in a conversation if you are not going to be present both physically and mentally.  I have seen many people, instead of making an eye contact during a conversation, scanning the surroundings or the room to determine if they know someone else. The kind of attitude displayed during a conversation is again a key element of listening.

 7. Email communication – you may be wondering what has email got to do with listening. Have you been in situations where you have sent an email to someone and have been waiting for a response. In today’s world where communication has taken so many forms, I believe that for any relevant email that each of us receive, it is a courtesy to reply to that email immediately or at the bare minimum acknowledge, so that the sender knows that he or she has got your attention.

You don’t need to be leader to be an effective listener. Any human being who wants to be listened to will give another the same chance.

Would you like to add any other points to How To Listen Effectively. Please share in the Comments Section below. Thank you.

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Do You Communicate?

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Think Twice before you speak because words carry a lot of power and will plant and influence the seed of success or failure or hurt and anger in the mind of another.

Communication is an essential ingredient in any relationship. Communication involves interest, curiosity, enthusiasm, support, values, needs, aspirations, problems and solutions.

We live in an age where we spend more time on Facebook, Twitter and other forms of Social Media and don’t even make eye contact while talking face to face with a person sitting across us because the so-called conversing on social media is more important.  We are in an age where we have conquered the highest of mountains but have to master ourselves. We have fuller minds but emptier lives.

We believe in answering a ‘How Are You’ with ‘I am Busy’. We have become more of A ‘Human Doing’ than being A ‘Human Being’.

In spite of more modes of communication we find interpersonal communication a tricky thing to manage.

So how can we improve the lives around us?  By communicating better, from the heart and making a connection with the other, by empathizing, by trusting and listening.

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1. Recognition – One of the insatiable needs of every human being is to be recognized, appreciated and cherished and made to feel that They Matter.  No matter who you are and how wealthy or famous you may be, to convey that you appreciate the other person’s perspective and acknowledge the worthiness of the other person by valuing their issues and feelings is imperative.  Day-to-day it is important to show appreciation for the efforts and actions of people with whom you are in touch with at work or in daily life. The tone used cannot be condescending and there should be sincerity in the way it is communicated.

Lolly Daskal (@lollydaskal) conducts a #leadfromwithin chat session every Tuesday at 8pm EST.  What I like most about this chat is the genuineness with which Lolly recognizes each of the participants, either by RT what they have said or thanking them.  Actions speak louder than words and she is a living example of what she believes in and professes.

2. Cross Cultural Communication –  for those who live in cosmopolitan cities or work in multinational organizations we meet and interact with people from cross cultures. Inability to recognize the cross cultural traits will result in ‘Lost In Translation’.  Many a message may be distorted through the communication process, such that even an intended compliment might even turn into an unintentional insult.

Some examples that I have heard, seen or read

* A British boy studying the language in Germany was riding the school bus home. As it was summer the bus became really hot. In a typically British way of asking for the window to be opened he implied it rather that clearly stated it so asked the boy next to him, ‘Bist du heiss?’ (Are you hot?). The boy turned and looked with a startled expression. All the other passengers started to giggle. In the end someone explained he had asked his fellow passenger if he ‘felt hot’ – i.e. was feeling passionate.

* A friend of mine had just opened his restaurant and being a chef himself, he had cooked a rather exquisite Duck dish as part of the main course of A Set Dinner menu.  All his waiters were Chinese and when the dish was ready, he asked his waiters to serve the respective tables. However soon after he had this dish returned by every table. He was rather dumbstruck only to realize soon that the way the waiters had pronounced Duck sounded like Dog.

* In Asia, it is quite common to hear people saying you are very hardworking and it is meant to be a compliment. However when a European friend of mine had just moved to Asia she was very hurt when someone remarked  ‘Jenn you are very hardworking’,  I later learnt that hardworking meant – ‘habitually working diligently and for long hours’.  Though diligently is a compliment, working long hours may not necessarily be taken as a compliment by all since it may indicate inefficiency.

It is important to present your message in a hopeful, non-judgemental, open-ended way and point to common-ground and away from differences

3. Distancing in relationships – Communication can make or mar relationships.  The little space we allow and create in relationships prevents excessive familiarity and allows breathing room within the relationship.

I enjoy meeting people from different walks of life,  making new friends and cherishing old ones.  I connect with people, friends, colleagues, family,  with enthusiasm, trust and affection.  A lot of my relationships have changed my perspective to life, and many others have inspired me to approach life with a different twist.

Each of our relationships go through highs and lows. Communication here is not about talking all the time. It is important to give and  it is equally important to know when to pull back, be it between spouses, friends, parents or in any other relationship.

Giving space in a relationship is important to nurture relationships.  In my experience, the other person actually seeks you out if he or she really cares and it is important to let yourself be missed and to miss.

Space sometimes creates a vacuum in life. It’s when relationships cross the realm of this vacuum that they fuse back together.

4. Paraphrasing – In formal communications especially in meetings or  presentations, it is important to make the content interesting and riveting. Your clarity will help you stay on track and also keep your audience’s attention. Also, decide on only one point to convey. If you try to cram in several points or messages, you run the risk of over complicating your story and diluting its power.

I was having a chat with a friend of mine yesterday on Twitter and she made a very apt comment on the art of communication ” Bad Communication makes minutes seem like ages.”

Paraphrasing in meetings or in a conversation helps

– to show the other person you have been listening to what they are saying
– to check meaning and interpretation

5. Non verbal communication – to be aware of how your own non verbal behaviors like body language, eye expression or facial expressions may impact or facilitate the communication. It is necessary to

– be aware of the message your body language can convey
– have an open posture
– match eye contact. I find people who don’t make eye contact whilst talking to me very offensive and as if they are trying to hide facts.
– match pacing, use silence

In conclusion, Effective communication skills are a function of our interpersonal effectiveness.  Some of these interpersonal skills include Authenticity, Empathy, Unconditional support, Insight (perceive, understand and relate), curiosity, Listening, courage and willingness to offer feedback, ability to confront others without insulting.

What do you think. Are there any essential elements of communication that you would like to add ? Please share in the comments box. Thank you.

Freedom Of Speech

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Mr. Kapil Sibal,

Freedom of speech and expression is a natural right guaranteed under the Article 19 (1) (a) of the Constitution of India. Freedom of speech and expression implies the right to express one’s thoughts and ideas freely via any medium, such as gestures, signs, verbal communication, print media, radio or television.

The Supreme Court has broadened the scope of the right to freedom of speech and expression. It has held that the government has NO Monopoly over the electronic media.

Mr. Kapil Sibal, in the interest to protect the Nehru-Gandhi family and the Congress, you have led yourself out-of-bounds by intervening with the basic rights given to the citizens of India in the Freedom of Speech, by the Constitution, when you recently asked that content on Twitter, Facebook & Google be pre-screened.

As a minister who supposedly has been appointed to deliver your duties to the country, have you forgotten that changing the Constitution per your whim & fancy is not part of that duty!

On the internet, through Tweets, Facebook, there is a democratic discussion on what the political parties do or what they don’t do? After all isn’t democracy By the people, For the people and Of the people. Who are you to Stop this?

Mr.Sibal, if you are that concerned about vulgarity shouldn’t your Government be concerned about the daily Dowry Deaths, 90 innocent people dying from a fire because someone decided to flout every rule, about the increasing violence against women, about Female feticide, about the rampant corruption existing in every walk of life, about the distrust that your Government has created by taking a U-turn on FDI.

Or you consider free & frank discussion re: deaths, violence & other forms of mishaps caused by the act of some corrupt official vulgar because they are too candid for you to digest ?

Have you as a minister looked at where the Economic Development of Our country is going? We seemed to be mired in political tussle on a daily basis at the cost of economic growth & development.

Surely you seemed extra concerned on the power of the Internet. Only one with guilt would be worried about the Impact of the conversations on Twitter, Facebook & other social media.

We Indians have always been proud of and boasted about our freedom of speech which is missing in dictatorship countries like China. Recently, when Pakistan tried to impose ban on some words to be used in SMS, I laughed at the thought little realizing that our minister would also sneakily find ways and means to censor and control content on the Internet.

Why don’t you endeavor to instill the good practices of countries like China and Pakistan rather than adopt the not favored practices of censorship.

Mr. Sibal, remember that the more you curtail and the more you hide, you will only be opening the doors of revolution and protest.

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Do not be a hurdle to a true democratic process and don’t intervene in the rights granted by Our Constitution.

From A Citizen Of India