Little Things That Matter

Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

Archives for June 2014

The Secret To Self-Confidence

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He is a charming person but when you meet him for the first time and several times thereafter, what you see is that his body language is one of indifference, his facial expressions is one of dis-interest and he rarely looks you in the eye whilst conversing with you. He has a sarcastic comment on almost everything mentioned by somebody else. How do you see the charm in such a person?

His name is David and I was assigned to him as his coach. I had a chemistry meeting with him and he chose me as his coach. I felt uncomfortable with My chemistry meeting with him, yet decided to accept the assignment because something in me told me that what we see in David may not be his real self. David had self-confidence issues. He was one of the seniors in his office but had missed the role of heading up the business twice because of the way people perceived him and the way he came across in his body language and tone of voice.

Self-confidence is something most of us can enhance in many areas. We may be self-confident in the way we communicate in our office amongst our colleagues, in front of clients and at home but may be lacking the self-confidence, if we have to address a crowd of 200 people extempore. David’s issue with self-confidence was one of not trusting himself and falling victim to his fears and doubts. His current boss saw the potential in David and assigned him a coach.

What contributes to your self-confidence?

Self Confidence is about self-awareness and self-respect. Your self-awareness and self-respect contributes to your self-talk.

1. Self-Awareness – this is the conscious awareness of your own character, your strengths, your traits, and your skills. What is your identity ? It comes from our ability to accept ourselves while focusing on our positive side. This is how our self-confidence is positively influenced. It is easy to give power to our negative thoughts and weakness, however they do more damage than good. It is about identifying who you are and no matter what the situation what are you capable of ?

2. Self-Respect – how do you look at yourself with dignity and respect in your down and out moments ? Make an inventory of your achievements, the way you overcame the last challenging moment in your life and about every aspect in your life that makes you who you are. It is about trusting yourself and going with your instinct and looking back at every learning you had in your adverse moments and how you reached your goal.

3. Self-Talk – self-awareness + self-respect = self-talk. Self-talk is positive, backed by the evidence from self-awareness and self-respect.

Let your self-talk be one where you can make continuous improvements in your growth areas and where you encourage yourself to get to where you want to go. Click To Tweet

It is not about giving in to your fears and doubts and having them empower you but in finding your strength in every mode of life to do what you want to do and in all that be who you are or want to be.

David had self-confidence issues and he tried to mask that by his indifference and tone. Without his realization, his mask had become his biggest inhibitor to success.

Self-confidence is not about being arrogant or aggressive. It is about enabling yourself to be your best with humility. Click To Tweet

How are you enhancing your self-confidence?

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

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Smile and the World Smiles With You

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Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

I was conducting a group coaching session few weeks back and one of the participants didn’t smile throughout the first day. Every time I looked at this participant and engaged with her, the smile was missing, no matter what the discussion or activity was. The participant got the benefit of the group coaching and this was evident from her feedback and by her behavior towards the end of the session on day 3.

Smile was something she never associated with the business world. She lived so much in achieving her goal and when she was in that frame of mind, she forgot to smile. She forgot that smiling made her look natural and less stressed when she was communicating and engaging in the business world.

Have you observed that in the Doctor’s waiting room there is rarely a smile visible. Two years back, I was waiting at the Doctor’s clinic, for an X-ray, since I had a bad fall and a suspected fracture. There was no one in the waiting room for the Radiologist, so when he came up to me and asked me who was the patient, I was taken aback. I told him that I am the patient who is waiting to get an X-ray done on my ankle. He couldn’t believe it and the reason he stated was because I was smiling!

Yes, hospitals and doctors’ clinic waiting room are typically bereft of a smile. There is an atmosphere of glum and this fuels the negativity that exists in that moment in our own minds.

Smiling when one is undergoing a challenge, adversity or pain is difficult but not impossible.

Have you noticed how babies win the heart of others by their wonderful and spontaneous smile ?

Dogs are a hit with dog lovers. They are so glad to see you and there is no one who welcomes you the way your dog does. They are so glad to see their human friends that they jump out of their skins and aren’t we glad to see them.

Smile is something we often take for granted. Yet there is magic about a genuine smile.

Why Smile? Smile because

1. It’s worth it.
2. It brings a smile on someone else’s face and makes their day.
3. It makes you happy as much as you make up your mind to be.
4. It eases the challenge and adversity in that moment and sends positive signals to your brain.
5. It minimizes the stress and overwhelm in that moment, thus giving you insights.  Click To Tweet
6. It brings out the humility and humanity in you.
7. It helps you create the right attitude to that moment.
8. It opens the door to new connections and relationships.
9. A spontaneous smile happens in a flash and the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.
10. Nobody needs a smile so much as those who have none left to give in that moment. Click To Tweet

You are your brand and why not be a messenger of good will with your smile. Click To Tweet

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

Is It Worth Analyzing The Why?

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James bid goodbye to this world a month back.

James was in his mid thirty’s and someone with whom life played games on many counts repeatedly. It is difficult to not feel James’s absence. He was lively, energetic and one who was a spectacular symbol of hope and optimism. James was differently abled in that he had lost his two legs in an accident. He was a juvenile diabetic, suffered from rheumatism, arthritis and his kidneys had started failing.

Yes, life had challenged him on many fronts, yet he never gave up hope and never ceased to fill others’ life with hope and laughter in who he was and what he did. He sure left an impact in the lives of people he touched.

I had never met James but had heard about him and his life from my friend. My friend was devastated on his death and kept asking, Why Him? Why now? Why is it every time injustice is repeatedly done to people like James?

None of his questions were amiss and yet I heard my own thoughts asking, is it worth trying to figure out the why in everything that happens?

Why do we do what we do is important to reflect on and analyze to determine if we are our real self and if the conflicts that arise are as a result of deviation from our Why.

I am a big believer in analyzing the why and I do it all the time. Yet as an observer and a listener to my friend who was grieving the loss of James, I was questioning if analyzing the why here made sense?

Everything happens for a reason and sometimes we never find the reason. Life also has taught me that trying to find out the Why many times adds fuel to the suffering.

Not every aspect in our life is within our control and thus digging into the why adds to the agony. Click To Tweet

Do you find yourself asking

Why did this happen?
Why me?
Why now?
What were the reasons?

A resounding Yes. Yes, we, at various stages in our life ask these questions for oneself and about others? But rarely do we find the answers and sometimes even if we do, we are rarely wiser and in all likelihood have increased our suffering.

Even in organizations during interviews, many interviewers hound the potential candidates for why they did what they did instead of focusing on how they bounced back or what they did differently?

Why does get into the “Being” and it is not important to dwell into that especially when it involves another person. The same “Being” can be determined from the “how” and “what”

We can search for a reason or a rhyme until we suck the life out of oneself and others, but let’s reflect on..  Click To Tweet

1. Is it Worth It – we don’t choose what happens to us or to others but the choice to react in a way that will move us forward is entirely ours. Life is for living and not flogging the dead horse.

2. Why – many things that happens to us or others may not seem rational or logical. But trying to rationalize life and each of her challenges will only take the life out of living. Even if we find the reason that moment in life is not going to come back to us.

James will not come back and by my friend continuing to ask and suffer over it, is not going to change that result.

3. How – how we deal with what happens to us in that moment of challenge and vulnerability is important and yet most difficult. Yet if we make a conscious choice we may be able to push forward and live life.

Death and many other challenges in life are difficult to accept, yet remains a reality. The best we could do is to think of who that person was and continue to be or do something that will honor their values in the world they have left. In other cases, let us not lock oneself in a red light thinking but learn to pick up the pieces and embrace an opportunity which may be around the corner.

What Attitude are you going to choose to deal with the challenges of life?

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

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The Why, The What and The How

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I was in conversation with a friend of mine a fortnight back. She suddenly remarked …”I need to learn to like myself”. When I asked her why do you say that, her response, “I try to make everyone happy in what I am and what I do”, surprised me even more.

So I ask her, what is the latter got to do with you not liking yourself ? “Oh, I am disappointed all the time and that makes me try harder and it is a vicious cycle”.

The conversation went on for long and she realized that there is no way she can please everybody in life. She was getting distraught because somewhere along the way she was paying an excessive weight to pleasing everyone.

We don’t choose all the cards that we get to deal with and many of the cards that we are dealt with, we feel we don’t deserve.

The choice each of us can make is our attitude and the shift we consciously make to deal with the bumps that we face in life.  Click To Tweet

There will be some people who like you for what you are and what you do and yet others who don’t. However, what is important is how you behave, how you are in every aspect of life, at work and day-to-day. You can make an effort to live with integrity, and commitment and communicate well no matter the situation.

How can we make who we are, what we do and the results that we achieve as a result of being and doing in sync?

1. Why – at various times in our life we set a goal or a vision for ourselves so that we don’t become aimless wanderer’s in the path of life. In our mission we take to achieve the goals or visions we have set ourselves, we sometimes meet with situations in life where we feel we have bumped off our path. In these moments of confusion, it often helps to take a step back, reflect and ask ourselves, why do we do what we do?

2. What – what we do is important to achieve the vision we have set in life. In getting so involved in the what, we often lose track of the why. We get so involved in “the doing” to achieve the results, that we temporarily forget the why. The same “why” can be brought back to focus by questioning and reflecting on the “what we do”.

3. How – how do we achieve the goal that we have set for ourselves in who we are and the different roles that we play in life. “How” crystallizes the “why” because our being and who we are is reflected in the “how”. How do we achieve the results or the final goal reflects whether your ‘being’ and ‘doing’ is in sync.

To me, the “why” answers and reflects who we are or our being and our behaviors. The “what” reflects the activities that we engage in to achieve our vision and the “how” indicates the way we achieve our “why” and reflects our values and character.

If your path is deviating from your foundation and you see your behaviors and actions moving away from your core, it is time to reflect and gain control on your attitude and things that you do or don’t. Click To Tweet

It is the roller coaster ride of life that makes us who we are and during the peaks and troughs of life, ‘who’ we are (a combination of our ‘real’ self and the ‘ought to be’ self) and who we wish (ideal self) to be, should get closer and closer.

Being close to your ideal self begins with understanding what drives and motivates you, and then figuring out what you really want to achieve in work and in life and why.

How are you living your life?

Does your ‘what’ and ‘how’ reflect your ‘why’?

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

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