Little Things That Matter

Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

Reflections of 2013

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Photo Credits :Lalita Raman

Photo Credits :Lalita Raman

Another year has almost gone by. I normally feel sad when a year goes by. While that feeling has not changed completely, I decided to put some of my reflections in writing.

What has the year been like? A mix, and most of all I’m grateful:

1. I was able to overcome some challenges. The journey is still on but my confidence level has gone up.
2. Despite taking on a new journey in terms of my career, I was able to travel and see some new places and revisit some old places.
3. I didn’t get overwhelmed on many things that I chose to do out of my comfort zone. I didn’t allow my inner gremlin to take the better of me.
4.My parents health had many moments of scare but I’m thankful for their never-ending optimism.
5.For my health, my family and overall the resilience, growth, and learning I had.

What do I expect in the year 2014? No, these are not resolutions?

1. To continue to grow, learn and share
2. To continue on my journey to follow my purpose in life with which I associate myself at this point in time.
3.To continue to touch people’ life positively and lead from within.
4. To explore new challenges and complete those which are work in progress.
5. To live in the moment and have continued resilience to deal with life’s surprises.

What are you thankful for in the current year?
What are you proud of?
What memories would you like to carry forward?
What would you want the year 2014 to be?
What can you offer to the coming year?

Thank you for being on this journey with me.

I wish you all the best for the year ahead. May your journey be filled with joy, continued strength and success.

Live With Hope

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Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

“Once there was a young warrior. Her teacher told her that she had to do battle with fear. She didn’t want to do that. It seemed too aggressive; it was scary; it seemed unfriendly. But the teacher said she had to do it and gave her the instructions for the battle. The day arrived. The student warrior stood on one side, and fear stood on the other. The warrior was feeling very small, and fear was looking big and wrathful. They both had their weapons. The young warrior roused herself and went toward fear, prostrated three times, and asked, “May I have permission to go into battle with you?” Fear said, “Thank you for showing me so much respect that you ask permission.” Then the young warrior said, “How can I defeat you?” Fear replied, “My weapons are that I talk fast, and I get very close to your face. Then you get completely unnerved, and you do whatever I say. If you don’t do what I tell you, I have no power. You can listen to me, and you can have respect for me. You can even be convinced by me. But if you don’t do what I say, I have no power.” In that way, the student warrior learned how to defeat fear. ”― Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times
To me this is an example of Hope in the face of fear, in the face of every moment of life.
https://twitter.com/rlalita/status/411382047706320896
In my coaching sessions with clients, when I coach with compassion and when their Positive Emotional Awareness is aroused, there is hope in their dreams and vision. Hope sees your ideal self – the self that you want out of life, the motivational core that focuses on your aspirations, dreams, purpose, and calling
I was at a Christmas Choir yesterday with the mood so joyous, and filled with hope. This is the festive season and typically during this time there is a joy, optimism and dreams are weaved.
However, what happens when there is negativity and struggle around us or we are in the midst of the same.
→Why allow negativity to get the better of us?
→Why not acknowledge that we are not feeling good yet not give up in taking a good look at the situation.
“…feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.” ― Pema Chödrön
For me Hope is …..
Heart – when we look within we find the answers. An awakened heart enables us to find the perspective and lead from within.
Optimism – to see the light at the end of the tunnel. No matter what the situation, ask yourself what can you make happen? Living with rational optimism and positive affirmations makes life easier. What happens to us at every moment is not within our control but the attitude we take to it, is our choice.
Passion – without energy and enthusiasm about our life and what we do, life becomes boring and meaningless. Our purpose is our biggest energy driver in achieving our dreams.
Empathy – to understand another person’s condition from their perspective keeps their hope. Show compassion not only to others but to self to renew yourself and connect with others.
To live in despair and wallow in our sorrows doesn’t take too much effort. Being positive and living to dream, to aspire and make things happen is what leading from within is and makes life interesting and challenging, Isn’t that what hope is all about?
Never take away hope from anyone else or from yourself.

Living In The Moment

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Photo Credit : Lalita Raman

Photo Credit : Lalita Raman

I was at the gym yesterday and two women were exchanging a rather loud conversation in the ladies changing room.  I could not help pay attention to one of the remarks made by one woman to her friend. One of the ladies asks her friend, so how was your week-end to which her friend replies ” I spent a lot of my weekend living in the moment”. I turned around and had a smile on my face when I heard that remark. I smiled because it is not often that I hear that response. The lady who had asked her friend the question, of course was confused and started asking a lot of questions at which point in time I was well on my way out of the ladies changing room and was rushing for my class.

The moment that is now and every moment that is yet to arrive will be history by the time you finish reading this statement. Be in this moment, live and enjoy this moment.

These are statements that you read in blogs, quotes , hear from your friends and read in various self-help books and possibly remind yourself at various points in your day.

Have you wondered ever so often what does living in the moment mean?

How do you practice it in your busy days filled with tasks and different roles to play ?

Don’t we spend most of our lives thinking about something else other than what we are doing right now?

 “Human beings have this unique ability to focus on things that aren’t happening right now. That allows them to reflect on the past and learn from it; it allows them to anticipate and plan for the future; and it allows them to imagine things that might never occur,” said Matthew Killingsworth, a doctoral student in psychology and lead author of the study.

Whilst I was catching up on reading over the weekend, this video caught my attention. This Polar Bear Cub Has A Lot To Teach Us About Making the most of the moment and enjoying it while we can.

After I watched this video I got to thinking which are those moments when I know I am in the now and fully present. Thinking about this lead me to writing this blog post ….

When I :

  1. Am with nature either hiking, rafting, or on a boat.
  2. Am in a garden filled with beautiful flowers
  3. See a butterfly perched on a flower
  4. Am on a roller coaster
  5. In a coaching session when I know I have to be mindful and present and cannot allow my mind to wander.
  6. Walking with a dog or the time I spend with my friends dog.
  7. Taking a test or writing an exam
  8. Physical Painful moment which consumes my entire energy at that moment or when I see someone else in pain.
  9. Am at the gym and yoga.
  10. Reading an interesting book or watching a nail-biting movie.
  11. Listening to a story that is emotional.
  12. Cooking a new recipe
  13. Am taking on a new challenge
  14. Exploring new places whilst on travel.
  15. Am Laughing or crying.

Just connecting to some of these moments helps me to tide over times when my mind starts to wander. There are possibly many other moments when I am in the now but they typically range around one of the things that I have mentioned above.

How often have you been in situations when you realize that the person whom you are speaking to, is not there with you. One of the best ways to be empathetic is to practice connective listening. We live in a complex world today and yet there are many times you feel that there is not an empathetic ear to listen to you. What you need most is a special heart that listens in mind, body and soul to you. Practicing connective listening, in my view is possible only if you are in the moment.

Mindfulness is being fully involved in the moment of being or doing no matter what the task is even if that means nothing. Meditation helps you to be more mindful in each moment of choice, to be focused and fully aware.

When are the moments in your life when you have connected in the now?

How do you treat yourself to more of these live in the moment?

The Power Of Reframing

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Lalita Raman

Have you been in meetings where you interpret something that has been said by your boss very differently from what one of your colleagues may have interpreted?
Have you had moments or days when you feel everything is going wrong, until you see someone else having a worse time which pales yours in comparison?
Have you observed situations where two people could have faced the same situation, yet one considers it as a challenge to be overcome whereas the other person dwells on it, complains about it and their body language and facial expression conveys that they are having one a nerve wrecking experience?
How many times have you for any small mistakes made, stated that “I have messed up” instead of “I made a mistake”?
When I coach leaders, executives and professionals, I hear negative statements about who they are or what they are not good at or what they cannot do. The cues is not only verbal but also in their body language and facial expressions.
When I listen to what is being said, the way it is being said and sense the cues, I ask of my clients to reframe the thought, the feeling, the fear in a positive way.

Reframing is the art of changing your thoughts, your inner talk and finding alternate ways to express an idea, a situation, a challenges or your inner fear.
Each of us have our challenges, our inner gremlin sitting on our shoulder and pulling us down and possibly teasing us. The idea of reframing a negative thought is not to shut out the fear but to change the mindset and approach the challenge with positive emotions. Reframing helps to approach a situation with a “positive” and “can do” approach rather than I’m no good at it.

“When we are positive, we become more motivated, engaged, creative, energetic, resilient and productive.” Positivity breeds positivity and vice versa. Reframing not only helps us with our emotions but also in the way our thoughts and words land on others. Reframing is useful in every part of the organization, be it you are a CEO, sales person, Human Resources, CFO, or any other representative of the firm.

Take a case where you are trying to determine with which securities firm you need to open an account with. In your first meeting with the person servicing you, all you get to hear is what their firm is good at, the range of products they have, the markets that they have a presence in, their market share. You sit there wondering how is any of this useful to you!? You have not been asked as to what you are looking for, what is your risk comfort level, what are you familiar with, what is your risk versus return profile. You decide that it was a waste of time and decide not to deal with the broker.
Now may be all that was presented to you had all of that information. However the way it was framed seemed to land on you as if they were pushing their own agenda. Reframing the same information that they had presented to you in a way that created a lens through which you felt you are the client and your needs are being understood would have made you want to deal with them.
Leaders can take a mundane idea and get people to buy in into their idea by reframing.
Before I start off with tips on reframing, I would like to share my story when I started my coaching journey. One of my strengths is Direct Communication. I’m known among my friends to be candid and someone who doesn’t mince her words. When I started my coaching journey, I realized that this strength of mine may not come across to the recipient as gentle and caring and my style could possibly be misconstrued. My intention in being direct is not to hurt someone and I realized that without compromising my value of being candid, I could convey the message by reframing.

How to reframe?

1. Make yourself aware of your thoughts – before you react to a situation, step back and figure out your inner thoughts or the feelings that created the thoughts. If those thoughts are arousing negative emotions, ask yourself what if I reframe it. What happens when you reframe your thoughts ? Learn to observe your thinking patterns and reflect.

2. Challenge – every time you feel like reacting to a situation, ask what is in that situation that aggravates you or puts you into a negative mode? How can you get over that? Is there a truth to the way you feel and how you feel?

3. Clarify – if you are in a meeting and you think you may have interpreted something differently from others, clarify before running away with your assumptions and jumping to a conclusion.

4. Mindfulness – being mindful in the moment of choice is many times easier said than done. However, as with anything new where our discomfort is high, first make yourself aware and then practice the art of being mindful consciously.

How has reframing helped you in your life so far?

What have you learnt from reframing?

“Nothing can stop the person with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal. Nothing on earth can help the person with the wrong attitude.” Thomas Jefferson

For Coaching, Facilitating and Speaking Connect. About Lalita Raman

How Are You?

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Lalita Raman

Lalita Raman

How are you is a common question that some of us ask of each other, answer to which is many times not listened to or is stated as a matter of fact.

In this day and age where relationship with your mobile may be stronger than the relationships in real life, even the How Are You is rarely being asked?

Do you take your life and those around you for granted ?

My first experience or realization of not to take life for granted happened about 11 years back. A colleague and friend of mine, who was working in our Korea office, whom I had met 2 days back, suddenly passed away. I initially thought this was a cheap joke being played by somebody but unfortunately it was hard-core reality. This guy was in his mid thirty’s and died because of a sudden heart attack. I couldn’t believe this and it took me awhile to come to terms that he was no longer in this world. He was one of our best traders, a friend and a good soul.

Sep 11 was another incident which created a severe jolt in several lives for those who lost their near and dear ones and for many others. Lives were lost in a snap second and from an incident which was beyond their control and with destiny playing its rude game.

These incidents to me are a lesson that there may not be a tomorrow. Let people who matter to you know that you care, you are there for them and appreciate them.

I still remember one of my clients who used to get upset if I asked “How are you doing?” Or “How are things?”. He wanted his daily call from his sales coverage to be to the point with no niceties whatsoever. Being a client, I didn’t want to rock the boat and continued to adhere to his request. However, there were days when I realized that he was not his usual self from his tone, his response and the way he listened. On one of those days, when I called him, I asked him How are things? and he retorted “strange you have stopped asking me how am I doing?”
The point is we all at most times like to be asked, How are we doing? How is life treating us?

Ask these from the heart and not as a chore. And if you are not feeling fine say so, and if you don’t wish to share details with everyone who may have asked you, so be it.

What I can’t understand is why are we forgetting these basic courtesies? Has kindness and basic courtesies gone on a long hiatus in your daily life?

–Each of us have our day-to-day schedules, however, why choose to shy away from humanity?
-Do you feel belittled by asking others how was your day? Or how are you?
-Why have stereotype answers as I’m busy or I’m fine when the reality may be something else. No, I’m not suggesting that you start sharing your day and life with everyone who may ask you this question, but be realistic.

You may be independent and a tough and strong person but even the strongest need a hug, an appreciation a smile and to be asked How Are You Doing? It is okay to share the real you with your friends and people whom you have a rapport with. You never know when a simple question like How Are You Doing ? Or How is Life With You, may reveal the challenges others are facing. You may be able to help in such situations.

We are born into the same Earth and nature or death makes no discrimination.

Choose to fill your day with kindness and gratitude.
Choose to be known as someone who leads with their heart.
Choose to care about little things because they matter.
Choose to touch people’s lives with the gift of your time and attention.

Time will keep moving forward but are you taking the moments as given?

Ask of yourself How Are You Doing ? Take time to reflect and go on the journey within.

How Do You “LET GO”

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Life is the best teacher, a friend, a soul mate. She teaches you what none others can teach and it is in living life through the challenges she throws at us is what makes life.

There are things in life you can’t hold on for ever and life isn’t for ever either. Life from the day you are born, moment by moment, tells you to let go. Nothing lasts forever, you are at this stage in your life because you have let go of your childhood, your youth, some of your age-old habits and idiosyncrasies. Through the years of your life to date, you may have different ways of doing things, you may have changed your job, your career or possibly even some of your relationships that were not working for you.

In each of the transitions in life be it natural, by accident or by choice, you have been able to move forward because you have let go of something. Yet, there are modes in your lives where you continue to grip on some things that you expect to last forever. You refuse to Let Go.

This could apply to your relationships, projects that you have put your heart and soul and yet don’t see the desired results, business venture that you are passionate about but ROI tells you otherwise, your behavior at work or socially, and may be aspects of your overall being.

What is the emotion you undergo when you refuse to let go?

  • Fear of the unknown
  • uncertainty
  • perspective of failure in your mind
  • discomfort
  • denial to see the benefits
  • negativity
  • love the perceived sense of control

Destiny isn’t always good and be it in some paths chosen in relationships or with respect to our professional life, you have to let go and consider the people and the opportunities in those paths as lessons learnt for better things in future. You may say easier said than done.

♠Letting Go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.♠

I’ve found that the more I cling to outcomes and things, the more I create an anchor that drains my energy and in turn I discourage myself.

So how can you help yourself Let Go?

1. Internal conversations – each of us have a conversation that we have with ourselves. This could be self talk or negative talk. Your thoughts control your feelings and these feelings translates into your internal conversations. Your brain drives your behavior from your internal conversations.

♣What are you telling yourself when you hold back from letting go ?

2. Labeling Emotion – each time you struggle with the idea of letting go, stop to reflect. Do you understand your emotions and beliefs? Why do you think that way? Try to label the emotion (could be fear, anxiety, uncertainty, failure) associated with the struggle of letting go – this helps to calm your brain and focus on action forward.

♣Do you tend to dwell on what used to be that is distracting you from taking the necessary action to move you forward?
♣Do you tend to complain and take no action to see what can be done differently to achieve desired outcomes?

Our brains are geared to rewards and thus expecting desired outcomes from our efforts is but natural. However, consuming yourself with the negative outcome only results in frustration and negative emotions. Instead, when something doesn’t go as per your expectations, train your mind to view this circumstance as a chance to learn something you didn’t know. Every experience teaches you something and it a matter of consciously looking at it from a perspective that helps you to move forward.

♣Learning to understand your emotions, reflection on your actions and the experience sets the path for refocusing your energy and “letting go” less painful.

3. Reframe – Do you reflect and once you reflect do you reframe the situation by finding out what’s really going on?

Our brains are constantly on the lookout to move towards what it perceives as a reward and away from what it perceives as a threat. And is five times more likely to perceive something unknown as a threat than a reward. This possibly explains many disquieting parts of our life. Certainty concerns being in the know. Being able to predict gives us that feeling of control and certainty. Without prediction our brain needs to use a lot more energy intensive PFC. In today’s fast paced global world, it is becoming more difficult to anticipate what’s next. To fuel this uncertainty is our own beliefs and biases as to how we perceive a situation. All this makes letting go more difficult.

♣Reframing a situation helps you to manage your beliefs, your perception and your feelings. It helps you to look at situations from a different context and not narrow yourself to your own bias.♣

4. Criticism – do you criticize yourself and everyone else, every time something doesn’t go as per your plan. Does this stop you from letting go of unfair expectations of yourself and others ? Life is a roller coaster and not perfect. Letting go eases your agony that you put yourself through by engaging in “blame game” and “know it all”. When you catch yourself thinking and behaving in a manner that signifies that you know everything and have little tolerance to any new ideas or methods, it is time to stop and reflect.

♣How flexible are you to expand your mind and go out of your comfort zone?

5. Control Freak – one of the common hurdles to letting go. Each of us are unique and have our contribution to make. We can control out behavior, our choices but how others act or behave is outside our control. Positive change occurs when you decide to let go of control over everything in your life and work.

Imagine you are on your way to an appointment at 3 pm. You leave well ahead of time. However you get caught in a nasty traffic jam. You try to change lanes, honk, curse, get agitated and yet nothing changes. Each time you succeed at changing lanes, your frustration increases because you realize that the new lane is no better. There are many situations similar to this which are beyond your control in your day-to-day life. You cannot have everything you want despite your efforts to make it a success. Let go or else you get caught in a negative vicious cycle.

6. Negativity – negativity breeds negativity and saps your energy. Your surroundings in terms of the people you are with matters to your overall being. There are some people in this world who are full of negative energy and drain you. There are others who provide soul food and are full of positivity and energy. Be with people who support you, challenge you but help you grow. Let go of relationships that jeopardize your being and don’t accept you for what you are.

♣What would you experience if you surround yourself with people who believe in you and help you get better in what you do? 

♣What would it be like if you spend more time with people who have positive vibes and make you feel valued?

Letting go is difficult when we allow ourselves to be overly attached to outcomes, when we have given our heart and soul to some relationships. My own journey of having to let go of things and relationships which weren’t working for me hasn’t been easy. What has helped me in the journey of life is to reflect, reframe and think about the way forward and believe in myself. Gearing my brain towards the rewards associated with the new path helps ease the pain that I associate with letting go.

I’ve learnt and am still learning to be willing to open up to possibility, learn new ways, grow in effectiveness by LETTING GO.

→If you “Let Go,” it does not mean you are giving up but you make a choice to take a different path to your ultimate vision.←

How do you Let Go?

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The Human Touch to Leadership

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IMG_2823

In today’s day and age we are bombarded by more stimuli than ever before. This stimuli can be from various sources like social media, emails, chats, demands from the real world and from every possible source. Amidst this stimuli, we are expected to be thoughtful and yet give responses in nano seconds or a fraction thereof. In this environment of keeping up to demands, not feeling left out or as if we missed the boat, we create feelings of vacuum and stress within ourselves and amongst others.

Now let’s take the situation of Emily who is either looking to diversify her business or seeking to change her job or starting up a new business venture. She is excited, enthusiastic, is eager to make connections and engages with different people from various walks of life. She meets various types of personalities in this journey.

Who are you among these personalities?

  1. You are candid and give a straight answer “my apologies, but I don’t see any common synergies here for the moment. I am unable to help you with your venture.”
  2. You enquire about what the person does, what made them change careers, what was the key motivation to start the new business venture?. You meet this person at regular intervals and keep the conversation going. This person keeps giving you more and more information on what they have done, what are their plans for future growth. You keep the hope alive in this person but at no point in time have you honored your word in giving this person an opportunity.
  3. You meet Emily once and show interest in what she has to offer or in her business venture and agree with her that you and she should keep the conversation going. You have seen her email, her phone messages but have not responded to her. You are overwhelmed with many commitments in the form of emails, meetings, chats, new business ventures. You keep making new promises and yet have not had the courtesy to acknowledge the emails or the messages.
  4. You see a synergy but don’t have an immediate offer to make. You meet this person and have several conversations over a period of time. You then communicate either in the affirmative or negative.

Do any of these personalities sound familiar to you ?

What do you think Emily is going through when she meets you either in 2 or 3, above. Possibly a feeling of rejection, break of trust, impatience, failing to see how you can be a good leader. Why? Research on Brain Science reveals that, The fear circuit is the most developed and fastest neuronal circuit we can activate both consciously and unconsciously in another person by our actions, words, behavior, body language and other forms of communication or non communication. Once these neurons in the brain are activated, we have lost the goodwill for the other person. As a leader, is this the impression you want to leave with everyone who approaches or meets you ?

What is a key leadership skill : The Human Touch Makes A Difference

1. People are an essential part of your life – no matter who the person is, how you treat people makes a difference. Do you choose to vary your attitude depending on the title and position of the person?  Do you realize that there is a person behind that email or chat? Why not make a simple acknowledgement of “Thank you, seen it, will respond in three days”. Give a time frame that you are able to live up to. If you are unclear about something, why not ask questions? Or if you think you over committed, recognize that mistake and acknowledge it. Silence is not the response expected of a leader.

2. Walking your talk – do you act on your words or just spin the wheel ? Connections can be made only if you engage and treat people with respect and courtesy.  People are the lifeblood of your business. Your word is your personal brand. In what particular ways are you results-oriented in your day-to-day actions?

3. Creating trust and rapport – relationships are built on trust and honesty. By giving false hope to someone you discredit yourself. Would you like to be treated the same way?  How do you go about your relationships?  You can grow and develop your relationships and business only if you create trust and collaborate and communicate. Creating and maintaining long-lasting relationships is not a one way street.

You may have the best of intentions but if your actions are not consistent with your word or intention, you create an environment of dissatisfaction and misunderstanding. As a leader you need to create and live transparency and collaborate with people within and outside your own organization.

Summary:

Do you know what you want ? 

How do you strike the right balance among your various commitments to which you have given your word to? 

How do you deal with people who you perceive to be more successful than you are?

How do you deal with people who are in need?

What does success mean to you ?

What are your main sources of creative input or ideas from others?

How do you add the human touch?

Related References : Brain Blog

Are You Living on “Assumptions”

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“Oh you must be loaded since you contribute regularly to various charitable causes…….”
“She anyway does not care, why bother asking her?…..”
“She surely does not have much to say given that she is a quiet person….”
“You do yoga, you must be a pro at meditation and of course flexibility is never an issue for you……….”
“I assumed you were busy and wouldn’t come, so I did not ask you….
“He is always smiling, he has an easy life….”

What does what you just heard sound like ?

An assumption, a stereotype, a single story.

An assumption is something that is taken as the truth without attempting to check for facts. When you make an assumption, you assume characteristics of other people without really taking the time and effort to get to know them.

What happens when  you assume?

  • Does your self assumptions inhibit you from further development, growth and keeping an open mind?
  • Have you assumed that your customer is not interested in the diverse range of products your firm has to offer and thus you don’t bother exploring having a conversation with your client?
  • Have you assumed that your business partner or friend or spouse automatically knows what you want or the type of day you have had ?
  • If you think you are a leader do you ask questions to clarify or assume that your team has understood your vision and what you have expressed?
  • Have you asked why someone in a business or personal relationship consistently keeps calling you though you may have explicitly stated that you don’t want to be disturbed?
  • How many times do you generalize an entire country or nationality based on few people you happen to know?

Bottom line, every time you assume, you narrow your thinking, you stop exploring, you stop asking questions, you bring a parasite into your relationships, you could possibly end up spoiling your relationships, and make yourself unhappy.

  • How many times have you been at the receiving end and how many times have you assumed or used a single story on someone?
  • How have you felt when you have been a victim of an assumption either on social media or in real life?

Here is a Ted Video on The Danger of A Single Story

Find the courage to ask questions. Don’t make assumptions, since assumptions are the bane on relationships.

Do you want to limit yourself with a narrow and close minded view of the world?

Do you want to perceive the world through assumptions made on your narrow thinking of being influenced by others ?

Do you want to believe in Single Stories?

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Is “MOTIVATION” a Scam ?

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Who Is Awesome ?YOU ARE

Who’s Awesome ?
YOU ARE
PHOTO : LALITA RAMAN

 

One of my friends takes every chance to state on Twitter, in his daily conversations and probably in his own thoughts that, “Motivation Is A Scam.”

You have had a tough day at work, you come home hoping to unwind and relax. However, your daughter who was slightly unwell develops high fever and you end up spending the entire night at the hospital. You have to go to work the next day since you are trying to finalize on some important deals and meet some deadlines. You are not in the best framework but still manage to get through your deadlines when half way through the day you are told you miss the deal. What drives you up the wall is that the reason you lost the deal was absolutely silly. You are at your lowest and your state of mind is such that it is reeling in negative thoughts. You have been through a series of such bad patches and you force yourself to get out of this negative vicious circle.

You know what it is like continuing to be there and you think back to your WHY and what you believe in ? What does this sound like, to you ?

“Motivation is the psychological feature that arouses an organism to action toward a desired goal and elicits, controls, and sustains certain goal directed behaviors. It can be considered a driving force; a psychological drive that compels or reinforces an action toward a desired goal. For example, hunger is a =motivation that elicits a desire to eat. Motivation has been shown to have roots in physiological, behavioral, cognitive, and social areas.”

More often than not motivation is telling yourself that a greater reward is awaiting if you continue to believe in your “Why”. Most of us believe that our feelings cause our behavior. However, research indicates that feelings often follow our behavioral choices which follows our thoughts. So if we choose to get out of negative thoughts we can control our behavior too. For all this to happen there needs to be a reason for each of us to do so and this reason is Motivation. Not surprising that one of the most popular themes on the Internet is on personal development and growth. However, the tips and articles can only be inspiring and useful if you decide to change and have the inclination to do so.

Motivation will remain a scam if the burning desire to change or do something meaningful is lacking within you.

We can control our behaviors by controlling the words we speak to ourselves and thoughts that we engage in. I find that if I use words and thoughts that engage, challenge, encourage and empower, I am able to move forward. Non-stop exposure to negativity by way of words, thoughts or company we are in disrupts our memory, attention, and judgment. When we speak to ourselves and others, words that express confidence, faith, and hope without sacrificing the truth helps to inspire others and yourself. Try it.

When does motivation become a scam?

  • If you start to sell trash in the name of inspiring others.
  • If you don’t live your words
  • If you aren’t engaging with people in real discussions
  • If you think you know it all and stop listening to others
  • If you aren’t helping someone who is struggling with being stuck in a negative vicious circle.

Life is about living and each of us go through our share of struggles in life. Our inner self has to be the biggest motivator and in moments when we struggle we take aid from friends, family and true inspiring stories. My biggest motivation and learning is from real life stories and how some people despite all odds get what they aimed for. An example in the attached you tube.

Coming back to this friend of mine, despite his continued belief, he is doing an inspiring and motivational show !

Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy. 
Norman Vincent Peale