Little Things That Matter

Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

Five Key Questions To Inspire And Lead

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“I am not motivated by the others in the room. The skill level of most other participants are not that good and clearly I and two others are the only contributors. You should encourage participants at the same skill level to be on such workshops”

This was the remark made by one of the participants at a workshop that I was conducting recently in Singapore.

When this participant expressed her opinion, another participant remarked that “as a junior she gets an opportunity to learn and thus people with different skills and experience should continue to be encouraged”.

I heard both their points of view and mentioned to the woman who believed that she should be with people at her skill level or higher that her organization and Human Resources determine who participates.

Whilst I empathized with her and understood her frustration, I challenged her to think from a different perspective. I asked her if she believed herself to be a leader to which she answered well I’m leading a team.

#Leadership is about how you #connect, #communicate and #collaborate with the people around you.

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 Do you think you’ll be inspired by yourself? She was taken aback at my question.

We meet people from different backgrounds, different skill sets, different experience on a day-to-day basis.

How can you be inspiring and shine your light?

1. Do you self-reflect ?

Life is a roller coaster and no matter how much of an expert each of us may be in our own area of expertise, we still make mistakes.
Reflect on
* what went well,
* what can I do better and
* what can I let go?

#Learning happens from the good and bad experiences and from #mistakes or #failures. #leadbyexample

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2. What can I learn from others?

Even with years of experience there is always something to learn from others. On the face of it, some conversations and participating in a workshop with people less experienced may be frustrating. However, ask yourself what can I do in the current situation to make it interesting and challenging ?
How can I encourage others to participate? Can I share my experiences and get some different insights from others? What are they good at and how can I expand my knowledge in that area?

3. What is your “Why “?

Setting a conscious intention before any activity helps you to find a meaningful path to your desired goal. Finding or reminding yourself of your intention enables you to cross over the hurdles that you may face along the way. 

Your Why is the ultimate #goal and it has to be big enough to #motivate, #inspire and encourage you. #leadership

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How can you relate the day-to-day activities and who you are to your Why?

4. Where are your leadership locks?

Sometimes the stumbling blocks may be created from your thinking. Many times what locks you in is your perspective and your view of things.
At times what you think is the problem is not the problem. Your mindset may be the one that needs to be addressed.

5. Are you reactive or proactive?

Your attitude is what you have control of and it can mar or make your moment. It is good to be prepared and yet expect the unexpected and have the EI to adapt and be flexible in the way you communicate. As a leader choose to be proactive instead of reactive. And the only way this can be achieved is to have a mindset of let go and let your thoughts and emotions be in tandem.

I encouraged this participant to develop her leadership skills in such circumstances. May be this is where her learning can take place. As she moves up the seniority ladder, it is the leadership skills that she needs to hone on.

What can you do to inspire people?
Are you a victim of circumstances or do you choose to be a learner from your frustrations and challenges?

For Speaking, One on One Coaching, Training, Facilitation or workshops, let’s Connect

The Power of Questions : 5 Secrets To Leading A Meaningful Life

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I was standing at the immigration queue last Friday, in Singapore, to catch a flight back home.

I was exhausted, yet couldn’t miss hearing a little girl of age may be 4-5 years old persistently asking her mom, mommy where is Daddy? So mommy answers her but she is still not quite satisfied with mommy’s answer. She changes tact and asks her mom, what are you holding in your hand ? So her mom replies to her saying passports. So she asks, is mine with you ? She gets a response from her patient mom. Then she asks her mom, you are holding 3, one is mine, other is yours, whose is the third one ? So her mom says, darling that is your dad’s passport.

She then in her sweet little voice loudly and clearly calls out to her dad, daddy do you want your passport? If yes, you better come here with us. Lo and behold she managed to get her dad with her.

What stood out for me was the way this little girl got to her end goal and she did all of that by asking questions of her mom.

Children are persistent with questions and they do get answers to their never ending questions.

I was amazed at how this little girl by asking 5-6 questions got the information out and laid her path to solve her jigsaw puzzle. In the end she achieved her end goal of getting her dad to stand in the same queue as her.

Asking relevant Questions is a powerful tool. The right questions inspire creativity, insights, drive connection and engagement and get desired results and breakthroughs.

By asking different type of questions, depending on the information you seek to get, (Open, fact based, probing, coping, what if ), you get bits of information and build on this to arrive at the final destination.

Wondering why I said constructive and right. Imagine if you lost the biggest deal of the decade. First thing you would probably ask yourself is what is wrong with me? What did I screw up? These kind of questions sets a negative tone to your thoughts and action. Instead, a relevant question would be What can I do to make sure I increase my chances of winning the deal ? What did I do well? What could I improve on ?

Questions are good for persuasion and convincing somebody, for enquiry, for building rapport and relationship, for being a good conversationalist. Listening is of utmost importance in the latter two instances.

Reflection begins with asking empowering questions of oneself.

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Self-awareness is critical to your success.

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How do we use the power of questions to reflect on our own lives and move forward ?

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1. What is your tennis ball?

This question, is from a spectacular commencement speech given by Drew Houston, the CEO of Dropbox, for MIT’s 147th Commencement held June 7, 2013.

To quote Houston, “I was going to say work on what you love, but that’s not really it. It’s so easy to convince yourself that you love what you’re doing — who wants to admit that they don’t? When I think about it, the happiest and most successful people I know don’t just love what they do, they’re obsessed with solving an important problem, something that matters to them. They remind me of a dog chasing a tennis ball: their eyes go a little crazy, the leash snaps and they go bounding off, plowing through whatever gets in the way. I have some other friends who also work hard and get paid well in their jobs, but they complain as if they were shackled to a desk.”

“So after today, it’s not about pushing yourself; it’s about finding your tennis ball, the thing that pulls you. It might take a while, but until you find it, keep listening for that little voice.”

It is about figuring out what you enjoy doing the most, what kind of activity makes you come alive, what do you feel most enthused about. Once you’ve figured out what brings out the best in you, you have to figure out how are you going to incorporate that into your day-to-day life?

2. What are your superpowers?

This is to determine your strengths, traits and altitudes. These are unique to you and this is what enables you to overcome challenges and deal effortlessly with any situation that life throws at you. Your strengths is something you determine by self-awareness and by a conversation with a Coach.

3. What are you grateful for?

Do you take things that you have and the people who stand by you for granted? Gratitude reminds us to be positive and help us move forward. It is easy to complain, criticize and condemn. To be thankful for a positive experience and from a negative experience is fulfilling and helps us let go.

4. What legacy do you wish to leave behind?

If you answered oh, what difference can I make, I’m a drop in the Ocean. Think again. If you believe that you can make a difference and do and be that person who can make a difference, you will be able to. Another way of thinking about the same question is to ask yourself, Looking back on your career and life, 15 or 30 years from now, what will you be proud of what you’ve accomplished? This is a great forward moving statement that can help you put things in perspective

5 . What am I doing now?

This helps you to think about what you are committed to right now and ask yourself if that ties in with your dream, your purpose and passion. In answering what you are doing now, you convert an intention to action. It is great to dream an intention to get somewhere is useless without an action.

These are some questions which you can ask yourself on the path of self-reflection and send-awareness. By questioning you encourage divergent thinking, tap into creativity and you set yourself on a motivating path.

What would asking the right question make possible for you in your life ?

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Learnings In The Journey Of Life

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LifeI reflect quite often. However, this weekend I got into a deeper reflection mainly due to behaviors of some people. I got into this mode of “I must be doing something wrong” thinking. This is the inner critique taking over and I didn’t want that dominating me. When I started to reflect, write and self-coach myself, I started seeing things differently.

Reflection helps me to let go, learn something new, get different perspectives and insights and handle certain situations differently. Over the years I have learned the following

1. Have the courage to be yourself. Reflect, learn, unlearn, improve and never lose your values. Click To Tweet

2. You can’t please everyone. You will meet people in life who will always be toxic and never appreciate your strengths or your authenticity. Click To Tweet

3. You are unique in who you are. Your experience with each of your relationships and situations is unique.

4. You don’t get what you want in many turns of your life, though you may have given your best. Trying to find an explanation or a reason only makes matters worse. Stop overthinking.

5. You are not your rejections or your failures. You have to believe in your positive potential and your ability. Click To Tweet

6. As hard as it may be, it is best to let go of some relationships. Click To Tweet

7. Be authentic but let your authenticity not fall in a way that you are misunderstood. Framing the way you communicate your authenticity is imperative. Click To Tweet

8. Know when to speak up, when to be silent and know when to walk away. There is a time and place for everything and your best guide is your intuition.

9. Change is constant and people change. Don’t blame yourself when people start behaving differently.

10. You have to be street smart and be part of the change. Initiate change, be the change but never lose your values or your integrity. Click To Tweet

11. Apologize even if you are not wrong because you can walk away with a clean conscience.

12. Let yourself be lead from within and your intuition and not by your falsified ego. Click To Tweet

13. Value yourself and never compromise your values. Never allow yourself to be trampled by someone else. Speak your mind but always be respectful to others.

14. In trying to impress and cultivate your new relationships don’t forget about people who have stood by you through your tough times.

15. Smile. Smiling when you are going through a tough time is the most difficult but from personal experience I can say it makes a huge difference to that moment. You have to consciously tell yourself to smile in that vulnerable moment.

16. Being strong may feel tiring many times but the world is with you through your smiles and not your tears. Learn to cultivate resilience because that helps you to bounce back and approach life with a positive mindset. Click To Tweet

17. Focus on improving your strengths and don’t overemphasize your limitations.

18. Think before you speak, question yourself before you act. Pause is better than impulse. Click To Tweet

19. Don’t forget to be kind to yourself and others.

20. It is never too late to improve and change for the better.

21. Living in the moment is difficult but find ways to do it. You get insights when you accept the circumstance that you may be in. Anger worsens the situations and increases your frustration.

22. Share your emotions and how you feel but with people who will honor you for who you are and will listen with empathy.

23. Maturity is a lot to do with what lessons your experiences have taught you and how you show up in different challenges that life throws at you.

24. No matter how good you are there will always be people who hurt you. Take it as a lesson and let go of the hurt.

25. No one has lived your life or walked your road. So don’t worry about the naysayers and those who are judgmental.

Various actions, reactions and behaviors upset me but whenever I’m in that space of feeling hurt and upset, I remind myself that I can choose how I react. I ask myself how is this feeling of hurt impacting me and as a result, how I might not be showing up fully to various moments in life.

Choice of our behavior and actions is well within our control and let us always choose what is best to reflect our character. Click To Tweet

In the end, what matters is loving your life. Find the joy in trusting your intuition, cherishing your happy and sad memories, learning through the challenges that seemed indomitable at that moment in time and allowing yourself to make the choices in the chances you take. Learn to trust your instincts and stop doubting yourself every step of your way.Click To Tweet. 

Life is a continuous learning journey and there is no right or predetermined answers. Click To Tweet

What have you learnt over the years?

What reflections can you share so that others may use it in their path of learning and development?

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect. 

 

How Close Are You To Your “Ideal Self”

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Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

We have our ideal self, the self we want out of life – the motivational core that focuses our hopes, aspirations, dreams, purpose, and calling.

It is our source of positive affect that helps the drive for intentional change. This is the self we want to be.

How many of us are close to our ideal self?

We have our actual self or real self and there is our ought self.

Our ought self is our understanding of what others want us to be and do. Actual self is who we are and what we do. The actual self over time, right from childhood, changes.

What happens when our actual self doesn’t match the ideal self? That is when the process of reflection and retrospection begins.

New Year is a formal step to grow, develop and continue the path of learning and an improvement on our-self versus where we were.Yes, this should be a continuous process but I think New Year is a good time to take stock. A time to ask ourselves how close are we to our ideal self. No, this is not about New Year Resolutions.

So how do we get there? 5 key questions to ask

1. What are you grateful for in life?

Be compassionate to yourself. You don’t need to be perfect. Be grateful for what you have achieved and where you are. Cut yourself some slack and strive towards excellence.

2. What do you need to change ?

Is the change that you feel you need or because others around you want you to change ? How enthused are you to make this change ? How much do you believe in this change ? What is the worst that can happen if you don’t change?

The path of Intentional change is not a linear one. It is about making small improvements and something that is sustainable.

3. Whose support and encouragement do you need?

Whom can you rely on to help you on this path of development and growth? How can you surround yourself with positive people and those who believe in you ?

4. How can you change your thoughts and emotions to be more aware?

Your thoughts dominate your emotions and words. How can you control your thoughts and encourage yourself to be positive on a day-to-day basis?

How can you face fear? What is the worst that can happen? Once you have determined that, ask yourself is there a way to improve from there and how can you get there?

Emotional Intelligence is one of the toughest in times of challenge and adversities. What is the thought or word that will inspire you ?

5. What are you passionate about ? What are you driven to do and how do you get there?

In answering this, it is important to let go. Let go of people who have hurt you, things that quite didn’t work the way you wanted. Forget the excess baggage and de-clutter your mind. Your mind is not a dumping ground. Take a break and lead from your heart.

Our brains are geared for rewards along the way. Reflect, renew and reward yourself. The journey of getting to your ideal self should not be an ordeal but a path of learning, and growing. It should not be filled with regrets and not feel like a burden on your shoulder.

Live more in discovery and less in judgment about yourself and the world around you.

For Coaching, Facilitating and Speaking Connect. About Lalita Raman

How Are You?

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Lalita Raman

Lalita Raman

How are you is a common question that some of us ask of each other, answer to which is many times not listened to or is stated as a matter of fact.

In this day and age where relationship with your mobile may be stronger than the relationships in real life, even the How Are You is rarely being asked?

Do you take your life and those around you for granted ?

My first experience or realization of not to take life for granted happened about 11 years back. A colleague and friend of mine, who was working in our Korea office, whom I had met 2 days back, suddenly passed away. I initially thought this was a cheap joke being played by somebody but unfortunately it was hard-core reality. This guy was in his mid thirty’s and died because of a sudden heart attack. I couldn’t believe this and it took me awhile to come to terms that he was no longer in this world. He was one of our best traders, a friend and a good soul.

Sep 11 was another incident which created a severe jolt in several lives for those who lost their near and dear ones and for many others. Lives were lost in a snap second and from an incident which was beyond their control and with destiny playing its rude game.

These incidents to me are a lesson that there may not be a tomorrow. Let people who matter to you know that you care, you are there for them and appreciate them.

I still remember one of my clients who used to get upset if I asked “How are you doing?” Or “How are things?”. He wanted his daily call from his sales coverage to be to the point with no niceties whatsoever. Being a client, I didn’t want to rock the boat and continued to adhere to his request. However, there were days when I realized that he was not his usual self from his tone, his response and the way he listened. On one of those days, when I called him, I asked him How are things? and he retorted “strange you have stopped asking me how am I doing?”
The point is we all at most times like to be asked, How are we doing? How is life treating us?

Ask these from the heart and not as a chore. And if you are not feeling fine say so, and if you don’t wish to share details with everyone who may have asked you, so be it.

What I can’t understand is why are we forgetting these basic courtesies? Has kindness and basic courtesies gone on a long hiatus in your daily life?

–Each of us have our day-to-day schedules, however, why choose to shy away from humanity?
-Do you feel belittled by asking others how was your day? Or how are you?
-Why have stereotype answers as I’m busy or I’m fine when the reality may be something else. No, I’m not suggesting that you start sharing your day and life with everyone who may ask you this question, but be realistic.

You may be independent and a tough and strong person but even the strongest need a hug, an appreciation a smile and to be asked How Are You Doing? It is okay to share the real you with your friends and people whom you have a rapport with. You never know when a simple question like How Are You Doing ? Or How is Life With You, may reveal the challenges others are facing. You may be able to help in such situations.

We are born into the same Earth and nature or death makes no discrimination.

Choose to fill your day with kindness and gratitude.
Choose to be known as someone who leads with their heart.
Choose to care about little things because they matter.
Choose to touch people’s lives with the gift of your time and attention.

Time will keep moving forward but are you taking the moments as given?

Ask of yourself How Are You Doing ? Take time to reflect and go on the journey within.