Little Things That Matter

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Archives for June 2013

How Are You Connecting With People?

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Lalita Raman

Businesses and organizations run because of the people, the relationships and the connections between people. When we network with people we look for common interests or topics to break the ice, strike a conversation and thereafter get into a discussion. In a business scenario, during interviews, a set of questions is asked by different people in an organization of a potential candidate. In each of these situations, be it at work (or in daily life), there is  judgment being made based on skills, qualifications, the ability to make an elevator speech, the way a person talks or present themselves, all of which are external factors.  Also, in today’s age of social media, there is an eagerness to strike a conversation with people who have large number of followers, or if they are famous. Again these are extrinsic factors. However, part of the judgment rests with our own gut feel or our intuition.

In today’s world there seems to be a lot of communication and modes of communication but is real connection happening? Leaders connect because they are human and understand that trust and rapport can’t be built without real connection. Meaningful communication is possible only with real connection.

How do you connect? Do you judge based on peripheral factors or do you take a look at the person intrinsically?

Ten Key Questions that enable you to make a connection with a person.

1. Do you take time to understand the person, their values?

2. Does their behavior and actions reflect their values?

3. How do they treat people who have no titles, or may be a waiter at a restaurant or a receptionist or a security guard?

4. How do they behave in situations of vulnerability ? Do they stand up for a good cause and speak up or tend to adopt a herd mentality?

5. Do they seem eager to prove their authenticity? Are they being too ostentatious in a large social gathering?

6. Do they carry a narcissistic attitude? One that can be observed from their talk to listen ratio.

7. In social media, there are several people who talk about engaging and sharing content. There are also many people in real life who have the gift of gab? Key here is, do they really walk their talk? Is their audio and video congruent?

8. Do they demonstrate empathy or are they too self-centered? Do they carry a positive energy in the way they behave?

9. Do they tend to be solution focused or just a naysayer?

10. How self-aware is this person? How do they react to feedback?

Listening and Observing, both in real life and in the virtual world, is important in connecting, building and maintaining relationships with people.  Skills, qualifications can be stated whereas character & attitude can only be observed and helps you to determine who a person is?

If you aspire to connect and grow as a leader, you need to understand yourself and others better. When you know people care about you and understand you, it makes a lasting connection.

How well are you connecting with people?

What are the Choices you make while connecting with people?

The Human Touch to Leadership

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In today’s day and age we are bombarded by more stimuli than ever before. This stimuli can be from various sources like social media, emails, chats, demands from the real world and from every possible source. Amidst this stimuli, we are expected to be thoughtful and yet give responses in nano seconds or a fraction thereof. In this environment of keeping up to demands, not feeling left out or as if we missed the boat, we create feelings of vacuum and stress within ourselves and amongst others.

Now let’s take the situation of Emily who is either looking to diversify her business or seeking to change her job or starting up a new business venture. She is excited, enthusiastic, is eager to make connections and engages with different people from various walks of life. She meets various types of personalities in this journey.

Who are you among these personalities?

  1. You are candid and give a straight answer “my apologies, but I don’t see any common synergies here for the moment. I am unable to help you with your venture.”
  2. You enquire about what the person does, what made them change careers, what was the key motivation to start the new business venture?. You meet this person at regular intervals and keep the conversation going. This person keeps giving you more and more information on what they have done, what are their plans for future growth. You keep the hope alive in this person but at no point in time have you honored your word in giving this person an opportunity.
  3. You meet Emily once and show interest in what she has to offer or in her business venture and agree with her that you and she should keep the conversation going. You have seen her email, her phone messages but have not responded to her. You are overwhelmed with many commitments in the form of emails, meetings, chats, new business ventures. You keep making new promises and yet have not had the courtesy to acknowledge the emails or the messages.
  4. You see a synergy but don’t have an immediate offer to make. You meet this person and have several conversations over a period of time. You then communicate either in the affirmative or negative.

Do any of these personalities sound familiar to you ?

What do you think Emily is going through when she meets you either in 2 or 3, above. Possibly a feeling of rejection, break of trust, impatience, failing to see how you can be a good leader. Why? Research on Brain Science reveals that, The fear circuit is the most developed and fastest neuronal circuit we can activate both consciously and unconsciously in another person by our actions, words, behavior, body language and other forms of communication or non communication. Once these neurons in the brain are activated, we have lost the goodwill for the other person. As a leader, is this the impression you want to leave with everyone who approaches or meets you ?

What is a key leadership skill : The Human Touch Makes A Difference

1. People are an essential part of your life – no matter who the person is, how you treat people makes a difference. Do you choose to vary your attitude depending on the title and position of the person?  Do you realize that there is a person behind that email or chat? Why not make a simple acknowledgement of “Thank you, seen it, will respond in three days”. Give a time frame that you are able to live up to. If you are unclear about something, why not ask questions? Or if you think you over committed, recognize that mistake and acknowledge it. Silence is not the response expected of a leader.

2. Walking your talk – do you act on your words or just spin the wheel ? Connections can be made only if you engage and treat people with respect and courtesy.  People are the lifeblood of your business. Your word is your personal brand. In what particular ways are you results-oriented in your day-to-day actions?

3. Creating trust and rapport – relationships are built on trust and honesty. By giving false hope to someone you discredit yourself. Would you like to be treated the same way?  How do you go about your relationships?  You can grow and develop your relationships and business only if you create trust and collaborate and communicate. Creating and maintaining long-lasting relationships is not a one way street.

You may have the best of intentions but if your actions are not consistent with your word or intention, you create an environment of dissatisfaction and misunderstanding. As a leader you need to create and live transparency and collaborate with people within and outside your own organization.

Summary:

Do you know what you want ? 

How do you strike the right balance among your various commitments to which you have given your word to? 

How do you deal with people who you perceive to be more successful than you are?

How do you deal with people who are in need?

What does success mean to you ?

What are your main sources of creative input or ideas from others?

How do you add the human touch?

Related References : Brain Blog

On This Father’s Day, a small note of “Thank you”

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Lalita Raman

Lalita Raman

I’ve had the great fortune of growing up with a friend, a mentor who is none else than my Dad. My dad is special to me and my appreciation of him has grown over the years. There is not a moment, I hesitate to share what I have to say with my dad and I think this has been possible only because of the space he has always given in our relationship.

He has always lived his values of integrity, discipline, hard work, empathy and love. He has always encouraged my sister and I to be independent, follow our dreams and to believe in ourself.

Life lessons I have learnt from my dad

1.You are your word and always honor your word.
2.If in doubt, ask questions. Communicate and clarify even in situations of conflict.
3.No matter how bad the situation may be, there is a learning from each of those.
4.Treat people with respect and love.
5.Learn, unlearn, relearn and share.
6.Your inner conscience is your guide and to take the journey within is something I have learnt from my parents.
7.Emotions is an essential part of my life and I need to be emotionally aware and express myself.
8. I have grown up in an environment of healthy discussions, debates and analysis be it of books, movies, TV shows or an incident in our daily lives.
9. Family is very important and always make time for your family.
10. Never be in debt and never borrow.
11. I have the power of choice and I have to face the music of my choices.
12. To live within my means and that my behavior and actions needs to reflect my values.
13. To be ambitious but in chasing my dreams and passion, I should not forget to be gratuitous.
14. To be confident of myself, proud of my achievements but never to un-friend humility.
15. To derive strength in every challenge that I face in life and to be an optimist.

My dad has always loved, cared and looked out for me. He has always understood me, listened, empathized and no amount of words will ever be able to articulate the wonderful Dad that I have.

Habits are at first cobwebs, then cables..Do Your Habits Determine You?

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Lalita Raman

Lalita Raman

A friend of mine, Jane, a senior manager with a FMCG company, manages six direct reports who in turn manage four to five people each. Jane to us, is one of the most enthusiastic, authentic and a gregarious person. When she started leading a team, about 4 years back, she faced issues of underperformance from her team. She did not realize that this underperformance was mainly from her leadership skills or rather from one of her age-old habits.

She initially attributed the reasons for underperformance to pressures of time and lack of resources. She decided to hire a coach after reflecting on the consistent underperformance of her team. It was only then that she realized that it was her habit of assuming that her team understood and bought into every change that was introduced, was the key reason for the disconnect.

We are all creatures of habit, good or bad. Some of these habits we are unaware of just like Jane, till we start reflecting, and making ourselves aware and then looking at the consequences.

We become what we repeatedly do. Did you know that our subconscious mind is much more powerful than our conscious mind?

It is our subconscious mind – the habitual mind that dictates most of our thoughts and actions. What does this mean?

Most of us spend our time on an autopilot mode in the way we behave and act. This could be unconsciously competent or unconsciously incompetent part of us. Take the example of someone who has been driving a car for years. This person is almost on an auto pilot mode whilst driving. Most people whilst driving are engaged in a conversation. When you think about this, it is scary.

Our subconscious mind is like a fertile soul that accepts any seed planted. Thus our habitual thoughts, feelings, and actions are a result of what we sow in our subconscious mind. So be it eating dessert after every meal, or acting like a bully in every situation of life, or making yourself loud and known no matter where you are, are habits and they result from our subconscious mind and what we have sown there.

Do we need to get rid of all our habits ? Absolutely not

We manifest good and bad habits and it is some of these bad habits that affects our health, our relationships, our behavior as a leader in day-to-day life or within organizations.

How do we get over bad habits? FOR THE FULL POST PLEASE CLICK ON LINK

 

Values Are Like Fingerprints… Are You Leading With Your Values?

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Lalita Raman

Lalita Raman

It is Friday evening and you are looking forward to your long overdue vacation. You are working on the final touches of your proposal to get a new line of business approved. The proposal is almost ready barring some details on some legal challenges that you are awaiting from your legal department. You receive the legal opinion and when you read it, you realize that a key element is missing. Not considering this aspect might hurt the franchise of the business in the future. The only person aware about this is you and none else.
What would you do?
Would you rather let it go because you’ll never be found out or blamed or would you listen to your inner voice which tells you how important it is to highlight this specific legal risk.
What is this inner voice that whispers to you at various moments in your day and life. A whisper to the effect “There is no way you can do that. it’s not right”.

Each of us have core values whether we realize it or not. Core values is what is imbibed in us from the day we are born. Some values we instill in us as we are growing. Values sit within our memory and are deep-rooted. They are not written anywhere but are those which we live through our behavior and actions.

Values are like fingerprints. Nobody’s are the same, but you leave ‘em all over everything you do. ~Elvis Presley

You are your personal brand. Personal brand is not just about you being a CEO or CFO or Fashion designer but it is what you are in what you do and how you choose to show your values in your career and the various roles you perform.

Key questions on Values – For the full post refer LINK