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Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

6 Antidotes To Apathy

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One time, during one of my travels, I was standing in the queue to go through security. The person standing ahead of me removed his belt placed it on the tray, emptied his pockets, then took out his laptop, put his bag on the trolley, thereafter zipped his laptop bag and then put that on the trolley. He took a good 5 minutes to do all of this. He seemed like a regular traveler and one who definitely was in the know. Yet…

Consider situations when people push you, or don’t bother moving out of your way when you say “excuse me”, on the road or in a lift, they barge in before you can get out. If you were to ask them to not do so, instead of saying sorry, they get into a fight and argument.

What is the common thread in these incidents?

⇒ATTITUDE

That traveler was in the know about what needs to be put on the belt and yet did not care about being courteous in making an attempt to remove his laptop from the bag ahead of time or be adept with the way he put the things on the belt. His behavior seemed to be one of lack of care and courtesy to the passengers queuing behind him.

⇒How many times have you been in situations where people tell you that they know and yet act differently?

⇒Being in the know is useful, if you chose to behave according to your actions.

⇒Being in the know is of no use if your resultant behavior and action is one of apathy.

⇒Not knowing is better than knowing something and choosing to be apathetic.

As a #leader, your mindset needs to be adaptive, focused and mindful.

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In order not to be apathetic, consider these 6 key points

1.Attitude

Attitude is one each of us can chose because that is the only thing we can control.

To keep your attitude in check, are you
-asking the right questions of yourself and others,
-challenging the obvious
-willing to step out of your comfort zone
-being courteous in your actions and behavior
-ignoring your true dissenting inner voice

2.Pride

We need to celebrate our achievements and those of others. Each of us need to feel the deep pleasure derived from our accomplishments and successes. However, when we refuse to acknowledge those of others or are so narcissistic about ourselves, we turn our pride into being egoistic. As a leader be proud but not egoistic.

Are you being courageous to do what is right even if it is not the most popular?

3.Amiable

We need to be connected to each other because as human beings we are social animals and cannot survive in isolation. Connection happens when you are genuine and amiable. If you are indifferent and rude, you indicate a behavior of apathy.

4.Taut (not be rigid)

Being adaptive helps us to connect with others. You can be assertive and yet be adaptive. In showing rigidity in your actions, behaviors and the way you communicate, you are showing indifference.

Do you not ask questions because you fear resistance?

Do you stop advocating an idea for the good of your team and co., because it is not met with eyes of approval?

5.Haughty

A leader is one who has humility in the way they act and behave. By being haughty you do not inspire others in who you are or what you do.

⇒Do you surround yourself with people who don’t question you?

OR

⇒Do you surround yourself with people who can challenge your thinking and whose strengths make up for your deficits?

⇒Is your action and behavior disdainful and arrogantly superior?

⇒What are you doing with being in the know?

6.Yourself

Be authentic and Be yourself. Authenticity is being genuine but does not include being brash or uncourteous. Being authentic means you manage your EI and don’t forget your humility. In being EI, you chose to reframe your communication in a way that suits your audience and the context, without lying or using flattery.

 “As a #leader, you inspire others when you refuse to act and behave in a manner that is not apathetic.”

Attitude – You Pick, You Choose, And you create a #positive impact.

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If you want to increase your self-awareness and manage your emotions in a better way, please consult me.

5 Key Benefits From Story Telling

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Jack started off by telling us that the bank that he was working with, had just announced a reorganization and that the division he had been working in, was going to be sold to another bank. He started preparing his CV, met few headhunters and specifically stated how one headhunter, Gina, was a bit different, in the way she asked questions and discovered more about him, his skills, and his background.

She put him up for an interview with a company, although she felt that he was probably not an exact fit. He goes on to describe the various stages of the interview, the ups and downs, the excitement and the apprehension.  Jack then interviews with the Managing Director, and he describes how he articulated to the Managing Director, that he was the right fit for that job. He lets the audience feel every moment of this interview, describing the room, the behaviors of this MD, his own feelings, and he continues to build it up, the audience waiting with abated breadth and thereafter he ends the story on a climax, bringing it all together. His story made us think, care, feel, and emotionally connect with his experience. He took us through the high and low, the action, an element of suspense and overall kept us riveted and engaged throughout.

Telling Stories is an art, a craft, and a skill that can be developed. #communication #leadership

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We are emotional beings and emotion is the critical element that makes information relevant and memorable. Storytelling is an art, science and craftsmanship and it relies on our real life experiences and creative thought processes. Through stories we inform, engage, entertain, convince, add depth to ours and others lives and give meaning to our relationships. A well told story provides the relevant context in our work.

A leader should be and want to be a good story teller. Here is why

1.To Communicate

A #leader needs to engage and understand their audience to make the #communication effective.

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We are bombarded on a day-to-day basis with never ending flow of information and numbers. Never ending stream of data may be useful but can get boring. Communication happens if it reaches the ears of the listener in the way it was intended. An interesting and well told story is able to capture the attention of the audience, convey the message which reams of data may not be able to. One of the qualities of a great communicator is credibility and connecting with the audience. No one else will be able to tell your story as well as you do because you have experienced it and thus earned the right.

2.To Empower

#Leaders are respected when they #empower others to their full potential. #leadership

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Story telling not only empowers the story teller but also the audience. By telling a story, the story teller reminds himself or herself of how strong they are and the lessons learnt. The audience listening to the story is empowered to act in the desired manner based on the lesson learnt from others stories.

3.To Inspire

One of the qualities of a #leader is to inspire and to lead by example. #leadership #leadbyexample

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There are many movies based on true stories, and be it in a movie like Race, which is based on the incredible true story of courage, determination, tolerance, and friendship, and an inspiring drama about Jesse Owens fight to become an Olympic legend or Catch me if you can, which is based on a major con artist, Frank Abagnale Jr. who was successful at stealing millions of dollars, acting as a Pan Am pilot, a doctor and a legal prosecutor – all before his 19th birthday. Each of these have a story from which you can be inspired by the grit, determination, the courage, the EQ or IQ of the person whose life, these stories are based on.

4.To Educate

Leaders often need to educate people on policies, procedures and on the way to do things. All of this is necessary and yet you may feel it is mundane and boring. What better way to educate than by way of stories.
Stories not only inspires us but educates us, in that, we can learn lessons based on the theme of the story. Stories enables us to remember and apply the lesson, learnt from others’ lives. “Think before you speak” or “Learn from your mistakes” is great advise to receive and yet one that we hear so often that sometimes we may tend to ignore this advise. When you hear stories from people of the consequences of thinking before speaking, and the lesson learnt, we can remember it because it lands on us well and it educates us.

5.To Reinforce Positive Behaviors

#Leaders need to reinforce positive behaviors by who they are and stories are a great way to do so.

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Jack through his story conveyed his confidence, positive attitude and presence of mind to create a positive impression on the managing director of the company with whom he was interviewing. By his narrative, he was able to reinforce to the audience, the positive behaviors of wit, EQ, adaptability and being present.

Story telling is only effective when it is legitimate, when you relive that moment so that you take the audience to that moment and you connect with the story and the audience emotionally.

Tell a story well and you create an impact as a human being and as a #leader. #leadership

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Stories are great when they are authentic, genuine and based on real events in your life and you need to tell your stories in a way that you evoke the necessary response in your audience and it inspires them.

How are you communicating, inspiring, educating and engaging your audience?

What stories are your telling?

Please feel free to share your thoughts on the Power Of Storytelling.

The narratives that you tell yourself affects and impacts who you are, it drives your self-confidence and it can   be damaging too. Please feel free to connect with me for one-on-one coaching, team coaching, facilitation or as a key note speaker.

5 Essential Behaviors To Be Emotionally Intelligent

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Last Friday, I went to see my doctor to get my results on the Nerve Conduction Test, that I had done several weeks back. My GP just read out the report and said I had Carpal Tunnel Syndrome and Peripheral Neuropathy. When I asked him, the further course of action, he replied with the utmost caution. Well……. , you could go to the Orthopedic surgeon or wear a splint. I was curious about the options, despite having already read about the options, which I had explored through Google.

He didn’t give me any direct answers and worse still, he started saying that even with surgery for the carpal tunnel syndrome, there is no guarantee of relief and complete cure. He also remarked that being a diabetic means that, the healing process could get complicated and for neuropathy, control of diabetes is essential.

I sat there listening to him and not giving into my emotions. First of all, no one expects a guarantee. Life is short and there are no guarantees. Secondly, he did not tell me anything new and worse still, instead of being emotionally aware about the language and tone that he uses, he was trying to put the entire blame on me being a diabetic and making judgements on the control of Type 1 diabetes.

I was sitting in his room thinking … Do you even know the life I have lived and have you walked in my shoes? Do you even know and understand how I have managed and controlled my diabetes for over 35 years ?……

→How many times have you been a victim of being judged by another, though they know nothing of your life?

→How many times have you typecast and stereotyped a person based on their gender, race, figure, and some traits that you may have observed in this person which happens to be the same as another person or group of people you know?

→How many times have you been emotionally unaware of the impact that your tone, your choice of words and indifference creates on your audience?

→Have you honestly tried to see things from the other person’s point of view?

As a doctor, a manager or a person empowered to lead a team or organization, how emotionally intelligent are you? Emotional Intelligence is about being

1.Self-Aware

Self-awareness is the capacity to introspect and the ability to recognize oneself as an individual separate from the environment and other individuals. It is being aware of what impact your behaviors have on others. Having self-awareness allows you to see where your thoughts and emotions are taking you. Knowing this, you are able to take control of your emotions, your behavior and make changes you want.

Clearly the doctor was unaware of the impact his behavior had on me.

2.Self-Regulation

Knowing when to say what and how is crucial for anyone and especially those who are in a position of impact.

Self-regulation is about being calm, knowing your values, and holding yourself accountable. #EI

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3.Motivation

#Motivation is about doing what you are doing with #passion, #care and #commitment. #EI

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. Being optimistic and realistic and knowing why you do what you do helps you to stay motivated. Doing something without being motivated not only impacts what you do and who you are but also affects the enthusiasm and morale of others.

4.Empathy

Empathy is about putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and seeing things from their perspective. A leader or anyone in a position of impact and influence, has to try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view. They cannot allow their moods or the events of their day to affect the way they communicate or behave. Yes they are human and they need to think before they speak and regulate and manage their moods and emotions before they converse with other people.

Observe, listen, pay attention to body language and the other person’s feelings. #EI

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5.Humanity

We are social animals and we live in the world of communication. It is not only what we say but how we say (tone, body language and facial expression) that has an impact on other people. People who are human are engaging and energizing communicators in that they pay attention to the words, tone of voice and also their body language. They learn to appreciate the value in another person and engage in constructive feedback.

Be direct in your communication and yet be aware that the way you communicate can create doubt, disengagement and mistrust. If you are someone who is in a position to influence others with your behaviors and actions and not able to guard your feelings, and see things from the other person’s point of view, you lack the EI. And in not being emotionally aware, you do not lead by example nor do you inspire others.

→How Emotionally Aware are you?

→How are you becoming EI in your journey of life?

Transitions in life can cause us to be emotionally challenged and overwhelmed, please consult me for one-on-one coaching, group coaching, facilitation or as a speaker on Emotional Intelligence and Transitions.

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You Will Regret, Not Reading This Right Now

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I was at yoga and as I was holding my push up, the instructor asked “have you injured your left shoulder”? Her question took me by surprise. I responded to her in the negative and then I told her that I had a surgery on my right shoulder rotator cuff, three years back. She said that I am slumping on my left shoulder and the injury and the resultant surgery could be the cause.

Push-ups is something I enjoy at yoga and at the gym and it is only on rare occasions that I would do push-ups with my knees down. I was unaware of this slump on my left shoulder whilst I was doing my push-ups. Now that I was aware of this, I was extra conscious of the same and in fact struggled with my push-ups.

And as I was wondering how I could correct it, I remembered the cycle of competence. I wouldn’t necessarily call myself unconsciously competent in doing push-ups but sudden awareness about this slump on my left shoulder made me feel I had regressed to unconscious incompetence.

→As a leader, how many times are you unconsciously incompetent or consciously incompetent and you allow that to stop you from moving forward?

What can you do as a leader to increase your awareness of your team and your own self-awareness through the cycle of competence?

1.Think about your strengths

In moving from stage 1 of unconsciously incompetent to stage 4 of unconsciously competent or stage 5 of reflective competence, rely on your strengths. When you focus on your strengths and your teams’ strengths, it will change your perspective and give you the confidence to move from stage to stage and be on the right path.

2. Think about your challenges

#Life stops when you stop learning and you take an #attitude of “always in the know” #transitions

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 Growth and development happens when you are ready to let go of your inhibitions.

When you recognize what you do well and be reflective, you are able to create opportunities for yourself and your team. When we are in a negative thinking mode, no insights or breakthroughs are possible and in fact it inhibits our brain from clear thinking.

As a leader, you need to realize that the better you become at something, the more you need to consciously think about how you can get better at that task. Those are the new benchmarks by which you judge the success or failure of who you are or what you do.

In learning a new skill or re-learning a skill, there may be moments when you feel you have regressed to previous stages especially if you fail to practice the new way of doing things or exercise the new skill.

In inspiring others to reach their potential, you need to assess where your team is currently, where is their desired outcome and find out what is creating the gap. Telling your team to fix the problem is not going to close the gap between where they are and the final outcome.

#Coaching is necessary to get members of your team to reach the desired state. #leadership

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What is necessary for coaching ?

1.Create a safe place

Do not Judge. Judgment creates defensiveness and stops people from expressing and communicating with an open mind. If you want people to feel respected, listen to them, respect their views, create a safe place and help them grow.

2.Focus on way forward

Don’t focus on what went wrong because that will be self-defeating and demotivating. #coaching

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Keeping focus on how to get to the desired outcomes will help you move forward and help your team overcome the challenges.

3.Be curious

We engage in the world we create. Ask questions instead of telling or giving orders because asking relevant questions keeps people engaged and helps them to think. Asking for your team’s suggestion helps them to be focused and be involved.

4.Get Commitment

Be# goal oriented and get your team to commit to a plan of action. #leadership

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 A plan of action which you help them to design engages them to give their commitment.

Overall, be it in your progression or your team’s progression, create awareness accompanied by a sense of awakening through coaching and coaching yourself by hiring a coach or self-coaching.

⇒Every leader and trainer and coach should be aware that if the awareness of skill and deficiency is low or non-existent – i.e. the learner is at the unconscious incompetence stage – the person will simply not see the need for learning. Thus it is essential to establish awareness of a weakness or training need (conscious incompetence) prior to attempting to impart or arrange training or skills necessary to move people from stage 2 to 3. People only respond to training and coaching when they are aware of their own need for it, and the personal benefit they will derive from achieving it.⇐

For professional executive coaching either one-on-one or group coaching or training or facilitation please contact me.

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Don’t Promote “The Bully” in You Or Others

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Last week, I participated in the people skills chat hosted by @KateNasser, and the topic was “Stop Bullying.”

No doubt that bullying is bad, it is violent and the consequences are disastrous. However, where does bullying start from? How does bullying start?

There are numerous articles on the Internet talking about the effects of bullying and what to do, to stop bullying. While it is important to raise awareness and take measures to stop bullying, the intricate complexity of the factors leading to someone being a bully is less discussed.

To prevent #bullying is as important as to stop bullying. #stopbullying #vaw #speakup #peopleskills

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To prevent #bullying, we needs to address its #causes. #stopbullying #vaw #peopleskills

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I came across an article in psych central on How A Bully Is Made and I quote an extract “Every bully does not have the same psychological profile. But understanding the possible factors behind the behavior can help us turn the tide against a deeply entrenched problem.”

It’s impossible to predict who will become a bully and who won’t, but researchers have found some patterns in the types of families. North Dakota State University professor Laura DeHaan sums up the findings as follows:

“Bullies tend to come from families that are characterized as having little warmth or affection. These families also report trouble sharing their feelings and usually rate themselves as feeling less close to each other. Parent of bullies also tend to use inconsistent discipline and little monitoring of where their children are throughout the day. Sometimes parents of bullies have very punitive and rigid discipline styles, with physical punishment being very common. Bullies also report less feelings of closeness to their siblings.”

What can each of us do, to prevent the future bullies?

1. Check your own behavior

How do you come home after a frustrating day ? What is the language you use at home with your partner and friends? How do you manage your emotions?
You are the role model for your children. What kind of role model are you?
Upbringing forms the foundation of who we are and the paths we choose.

2. Stop promoting wrong behavior

Call on wrong behavior and address it with love and support to correct it. Don’t encourage conversations on violence, cheap sexual talk and jokes. Don’t promote watching movies or any other form of entertainment that has forms of bullying or violence.

3. Discourage talks of bullying and promoting such behavior in the groups that they are in

With Social media, bullying and trolling happens very often by people who take false identities. Speak up and report them and if you find people in your group talking nonsense about females or any talk that indicates that it is a form of bullying, stop it then and there.

Best way to #stopbullying or any form of violence is to stop it at its root. #vaw #peopleskills

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Casual jokes, and cheap slap stick comedy is part of many people’s daily conversation or part of the dialogue in the social groups that they are in. If you are a silent spectator, then you are perpetrating behaviors that could affect the actions that result later. Have the courage to call on such talk and behavior in an appropriate manner.

4. Media

I don’t see any movie or so-called form of entertainment that has violence, sexual abuse, bullying, unless and until the movie or documentary has a positive message at the end of it and actively promotes stopping these ill behaviors.

Cheap entertainment sells because you are an audience to it. Every form of media has an impact on the audience and there are elements of every society, irrespective of country, that choose to follow these questionable behaviors because they think it is a fad.

5. Support

If you find your friend who is a parent or who is in a house with children, whose behavior you think is of concern, approach that person directly or through one of their trusted mates. In a supportive way encourage them to talk about themselves and listen. Determine how you can help or guide them.

6. Prevent Workplace Bullying

Stop rumors and don’t engage in spreading wrong news and gaining the attention of the crowd by adopting behaviors that put down people, or assassinate someone’s character. Do not play the “bystander role”. You make sure that you support the person who is going through this.

Prevention can only take place when a culture is built around stopping sexual harassment and other forms of verbal, physical and mental bullying. The leaders who are in responsible positions need to recognize it as their responsibility and be accountable for an environment that not only stops bullying but also prevents it.

I was sexually harassed by one of my bosses in one of the organizations and I got support from two people within the organization. Yet, the person continued to bully (in a suave way) people within his team. When I left the organization, I met human resources and gave a detailed account of what had happened. The human resources director asked me why I didn’t choose to report it earlier. My response to her was, would you have believed me? She didn’t know what to say. I told her speaking up cost me my job and I didn’t have support from anyone barring two people. Yet, here I am and I challenge you now to take the right action. Action was luckily taken, albeit late.

In organizations, it is imperative that people in senior management are aware, respect and promote a culture that cuts the roots of ill behavior as soon as they see it. They need to promote a culture which supports people who speak up against such behaviors. A friendly environment will foster respect and trust.

Prevention is better than cure and many people become bullies, suave or otherwise, because there is a root cause.

Address the root cause early on before it becomes a stigma and a path that causes harm to others and themselves. And where it is not prevented and you have a “bully boss” or “bully colleague”, ask yourself if you are in an organization that supports bully behavior and what can you do to stop it?

Coaching can help provided the attitude adopted by the bully is that they can do, need to do and want to do what is necessary to improve their behaviour and get the desired results.

What do you think are some ways to prevent a person from becoming a Bully? Your Thoughts ?

Are you looking to enhance your executive presence, improve the way you communicate and inspire others as a leader? Please connect with me for one-on-one coaching or group workshops or webinars or learn more on what suits your needs.

Humanity In Leadership

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I was in conversation with a group of people who work with an organization which believes in assisting others to achieve breakthrough results.

During one of my conversations with one of the senior leaders of this organization, he asked of me information which didn’t seem relevant to what he and I were discussing. Not only that, the request landed on me in a way that, I considered, not courteous. I considered it impolite because the why was never explained nor how it was relevant to the achievement of the final result . Information was being asked of me without stating the why and no clear-cut information from their end was provided.

A rapport that was established, was shaken and somehow in my own mind, I felt the trust was broken. I decided to set aside my emotion and explained to him why I was uncomfortable giving that information at this stage. That didn’t get far because they decided not to continue the conversation with me. They stated that they had their ways of doing things and did not want to deviate from those set procedures or policies. Now, I knew what the real reason was but it seemed strange that this person stated that they did not want to go against their procedure. When the request was made there was no such background given. It was just asked without giving consideration to the sensitivity of the information that was being requested and that too at such an early stage. To me the humanity was missing, and in that, the trust was broken.

One of my clients was sharing with me about one of the conferences she had attended and how one of the speakers showed his vulnerability and some of the members of audience were critical of him.

When she mentioned the reaction of some people in the audience, I recollected an article on HBR about the dehumanization of leadership. I quote “Trust in business leadership is at historic lows, according to surveys by Edelman and the World Economic Forum. One reason might be what INSEAD professors Gianpiero and Jennifer Petriglieri call the “dehumanization of leadership”— that is, our tendency to think of leaders as either instrumental (pursuing a particular business goal) or heroic (pursuing a unique vision). In short, we want super-machines or super-humans, or both, at the top of our organizations, and many CEOs strive to meet those expectations. They’ve been trained to hide vulnerabilities, to plan and stay the course, to minimize risk, and to be consistent, level-headed, and in complete control at all times. Inevitably, however, they fall short.”

As a #leader, how do you seek to connect with others? #leadfromtheheart #leadfromwithin #humanity #peopleskills

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⇒Do you think being in a position of power automatically gives you the right to demand what you want without being courteous?

⇒What does it take in you to connect with somebody emotionally ?

⇒Do you as a leader forget to be human in order to be in complete control at all times?

What does it mean to be human?

1. Dare to say “I don’t know”

No leader is expected to know all things. Behave in a way that you can learn from others and that you rely on others to get the job done. You are not perfect nor somebody who is indefatigable.

2. Be courteous

Treat others as they would want to be treated.

#Courtesy is the essence of a human connection and #trust gets reiterated when you are #polite and caring.

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 Procedures and policies are important but don’t forget the necessity of human interaction and connection, if you want to make the former successful.feel upset, disappointed and be worried. And it is difficult to be inspired by someone who sticks to negativity and does not instill hope in their team. Being optimistic is key. Are you creating an environment of fear or trust and hope?

3. Be vulnerable and emotional

We are emotional beings and without emotions the relationship seems like a farce. You are able to connect with an individual better when they show their vulnerability because that shows their authentic self. Would you rather learn from someone who thinks they are perfect and can never commit a mistake or from someone who has learnt from mistakes and life’s challenges?

4. Optimistic

It is okay to feel upset, disappointed and be worried. And let that not be a mainstay of your life. t is difficult to be inspired by someone who sticks to negativity and does not instill hope in their team. Being optimistic is key. Are you creating an environment of fear OR trust and hope?

5. Command v/s Request

If you choose to ask somebody to deliver something, make sure it is a request and the person knows why that request is being made of them. No matter who you are, you have no right to demand information or make somebody feel threatened and insecure.

We live in a technologically advanced age and as humans, it is impossible to connect and establish trust, if you behave like a robot. Relationships are formed and happen when the connection with another person happens from the heart and you don’t give in to judgment or assumptions.

How are you connecting with people ?

Are you being #human in the way you #behave and interact with others? #peopleskills #leadership

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For speaking, on-on-one coaching, workshops, facilitation, training, let’s connect.

Are You Ready To Unplug, Detach, Step Away from FOMO and Connect?

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Last Wednesday, I was speaking at the British Chamber of Commerce. The event was held at the British Consulate and for security reasons, they don’t allow any electronic devices during the event. For all those entering as visitors to the building, you are required to surrender all electronic equipment at the security. In fact, as a speaker you appreciate this because you get the undivided attention and engagement of the audience. It so happened, I forgot my iPhone on that day and realized only when I arrived at the venue. I didn’t allow that to bother me, I instead felt relieved that I didn’t have to bother giving my phone and worry about its safety since their locker will hold old models of iPhones or Samsung not the iPad, or the iPhone 6 or 6 plus or the latest Samsung 6 or a laptop.

The event ran for 90 minutes and after that I had to meet a colleague and friend of mine to discuss a workshop that we were going to deliver together. I rely on my phone to do almost 95% of my work from notes, reminders, calendars, documents, blog, and emails to other basic things that a phone is used for.

In discussions with her, I was missing my phone because I could not refer to the notes I had made nor was I able to jot down the quick discussion points.

At that time, I thought to myself … Surely I can rely on my memory to discuss the relevant points and I can jot down important points if necessary on a piece of paper.

Not having my phone initially made me feel handicapped and on the return to my office by bus, I definitely missed my phone, because I read books from my iPhone.

But once I told myself, let me be in this moment, I realized that I can live without it and the world is not coming to an end.

How many of us are victims of our mobile device? Do we constantly check our mobile and use that as an excuse to not connect with people who are in front of us?

In meetings, just because it is boring how many times have you picked up your mobile and tapped away messages on it, as if your response can’t wait?

As a leader, are you using your mobile

→as a way of pretending to be busy?
→with the fear of missing out?
→because you are bored
→to be constantly in the midst of things
→to be hands on
→to feel wanted

And if you are doing this, are you missing out from being a genuine leader that involves these key traits?

1. To appreciate

We appreciate you. A simple yet powerful morale booster. This statement speaks directly to the person or members of your team. This combined with evidence to support why they are being appreciated is even better.

2. You Matter

As human beings, we like attention irrespective of whether you are an extrovert or introvert. Each one of us like to be made to feel that we matter.

3. How can I help you ?

Instead of telling someone in your team, something needs to be done and not bothering to ask why they were not able to get to their goal, try something different – let’s work on achieving this and how can I help you?

4. Thank you

Silent #gratitude is as good as no gratitude. #appreciation #peopleskills #littlethingsthatmatter

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A genuine #thankyou goes a long way in connecting with others and making them feel #appreciated.

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5. To Show Up

Are you showing up fully for yourself and for the team you lead? If you are not mindful and present as a leader, it is unlikely you will be an inspiration to others.

6. To Listen

#Listen because that is the only way you’ll #understand and #empathize

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Your observation and listening skills will enable you to connect in a more meaningful way to your team members. 

The best #gift you can give someone is your #time and your undivided #attention.

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7. To Communicate and Connect

Are you being an impactful communicator no matter the medium? Do you make an effort to connect and know those in your team and around you? Be there for others through adversities and good times.

Connect with your team and people who matter. Don’t forget to acknowledge somebody who is in front of you because you are busy with your mobile.

There is a time and place for everything. Use it appropriately. #leadfromwithin #respect #peopleskills #courtesy

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Questions to Reflect

⇒What are some of the ways you can connect with people?
⇒How do you engage with your team members?
⇒How do you lead by example?
⇒What are some of the values you are building in your organization?

For one-on-one coaching, workshops, training, group coaching and/or speaking, let’s connect.

Five Tips On How To Handle Rejection In Life

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I walked away from a recent chemistry meeting, with a potential client, not feeling too good. The meeting had gone well, yet my intuition told me that I should probably say no. I didn’t make the call immediately but decided to wait. The following day, I did mention to the person who had put me in touch with the potential client. They said they had not heard back from the client yet and said they will let me know in due course. A week later, I heard back from this person saying that the client had chosen another coach for reasons that the other person was older. Despite having heard a No, I was relieved.

A friend of mine had been working on a proposal for a while and despite the competitive price and the uniqueness of her proposal, she did not win the deal. She was dejected and frustrated not so much for hearing a No but not knowing the details of no.

Life goes on and despite the rejections that we face in different aspects of our life, we need to focus on moving forwards and not waste our time immersing ourself in the sorrow that results from the No.

#Life goes on and there is no pause button just because you are #disappointed, #dejected and #frustrated.

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I know it feels horrible to be rejected, and for you to encourage yourselves and move forward, it is essential to bounce back and move on.

Rejection happens for one or more of the following reasons

1. Timing may not be right on account of budget constraints or there is no need at that point in time.
2. The person may not have the authority to say yes and they probably don’t want to disclose the same.
3. They don’t want to commit just as yet.
4. Lack of clarity about what you are offering and how it can satisfy their goal or need. Reluctance to express this complicates things further.
5. They are not interested in the product or deal or what you are offering but they are testing the waters and the market for the different ideas that exist.
6. Different perspectives, opinions, values and ethics.
7. They are unable to build a rapport and connection with you as yet to take the relationship forward.
8. They are envious of you and don’t want to see you progress.

In most of the above cases, people are not willing to directly communicate either the “No” or “the reasons for the No”. They are not willing to ask questions or be candid about budget constraints or acknowledge that they don’t understand all aspects of the deal or the project or what you are offering.

What can you do if you are at the receiving end of the rejection ?

1. If it didn’t kill you, it will make you stronger

This is the attitude to adopt to bounce back. It is natural to feel disappointed but there is no use sinking under that rejection because you will get caught in a negative vicious cycle.

2. What have I learnt from the experience

Every experience teaches you something as long as you are willing to let go of the negativity and experience the learning. Yes, it is hard to practice and still worth attuning your mind to view the experience as lessons learnt. Sometimes, on hindsight, you realize that the No was a blessing in disguise.

3. What, if any, can you do better or different

Not all things work with everyone. Can you approach it differently? What would it take on your part to step out of your comfort zone and use a new perspective. Take support from your family and friends and from those who can be a sounding board to you and enable you to bounce back.

 4. Feedback

When you are made aware about the reasons for rejection, take it as a feedback. You can use this to improve your strategy, where necessary.

Rejection can be viewed positively by looking at it as knowledge and experience gained. You will gain insights towards achieving your end goal. Engage in positive self talk because negativity will cause you more harm than good.

5. Wake up call

Rejection sometimes proves to be a wake up call to change your paths or methodology to achieve the desired vision.

Rejection is Disappointing. It Is Not The End Of The World.

A friend of mine is candid about communicating his no or rejecting something. I communicate directly to people when I have to say no. Be candid and courteous but not blunt.

As a leader, do you want to keep someone hanging out there, without communicating directly or letting them know the reasons?
Are you leading by example by shying away from communicating the real reasons? Most things can be communicated with reasons and are you treating people the way they want to be treated.

How do you deal with rejection ?
How do you communicate your No?

Increase your self-awareness and build your #self-confidence to bounce back from rejections and view #life #positively.

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Turning Whiners To Contributors

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It was 2pm and I was on my way to a client meeting at 2:30 pm. I felt like having a coffee and decided to stop at the Starbucks on my way to the client’s office. As I entered the Starbucks, I noticed that the queue was rather long and seemed to be not moving. I was debating if I should continue to stand and decided to give it five minutes before I decide to walk out. I heard several murmurs in the queue and complaints about the Starbucks barista’s being too slow.

I started getting impatient and though I realized that not every barista could be the same, my gut told me that there is more to it than meets the eye. I decided to find out what was going on. I requested the man standing behind me to accommodate me when I get back, stating the reason to him as to why I was leaving the queue.

I moved to the front of the queue and realized that a customer was creating a situation and the barista was having a tough time trying to manage this customer. I looked at my watch and realized I had no more than 10 minutes to spare, in order to be at my client’s office on time. And by then, I was determined to have my coffee. I asked for the manager and requested that the manager take care of the situation and have the barista attend to the other customers. I was able to get my coffee within 7 minutes and leave Starbucks to be on time for my clients meeting.

How often do we face similar situations in life and at work where we have to deal with whiners and complainers? The negativity that arises from such situations increases the annoyance factor and doesn’t help anyone solve the issue.

Complaining is a vain way of expressing something without gaining relief. Click To Tweet

Not every complaint may be of importance and more often than not it is whining. Complaining is a stressful thing to do and listen to. As a leader, how do you turn whiners into contributors and avoid the negativity from spiraling? Click To Tweet

Be concerned about genuine complaints or concerns but create an environment to turn the moaners to a friendlier and productive lot.

1. Environment – create an environment which promotes creativity and for your team to use their talent to the fullest. You can create a culture where people connect, share ideas, and improve relationships. Leadership is engagement. In Leadership Mastery, first released in 2000 by Dale Carnegie & Associates, the “secret sauce” is to challenge yourself and others to greatness. Inspiration and motivation are the key ingredients. A challenging environment where each team member feels that their creativity is being used and is being appreciated for their contribution creates an atmosphere of low tolerance level for whiners.

2. Values – how can you as an individual align your values to your firm’s values? Again as a leader, how can you allow the values of your team to be in sync with the company’s vision and their behaviors? An environment that creates a dissonance between the individual values and that of the company’s values promotes dissatisfaction.

3. Accountability – holds each of your team members accountable and secure their confidence. Once you build a culture and live by the value of expecting solutions, you raise the bar and shift the accountability back to each person including the whiners. You help them become a contributor by challenging them to think of solutions and they take responsibility in achieving success despite the odds.

4. Commitment and Positive Attitude – Expecting solutions increases creativity and builds confidence in each of your team members to come up with a solution that works and is acceptable to everyone. You facilitate your team to unleash their power of not to give up and get their commitment to arrive at workable possibilities. This creates a positive attitude and one that is inspiring and motivating.

5. Reward and feedback – you as a leader should not take the importance of giving positive feedback for granted. People whine because they just feel they are underutilized or have not contributed to the idea that they have been told to work on. When people are made to feel like a cog in the wheel, lack of commitment ensues. Praise every improvement every step of the way. You can show them you care for their effort in making a difference to the company’s vision.

Change starts with me and with each of us. It is easy to complain and whine but ask yourself what can you do to make a difference? Click To Tweet

Can you be the solution or provide a solution to the cause of the problem? If you have the time to whine and complain, you can make the time to do something about it. Click To Tweet

The most important team player can be a person who has transitioned from a whiner to a contributor.

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

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Leadership and The Art of Taking On A Challenge

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I go the gym daily and on Sunday I decided to try something different and attended a class called Bosu Blast.
Trying anything new is challenging but this workout was more daunting than I had expected.
As I was trying to balance myself, step in and out of the BOSU ball, I realized that I not only had to maintain my balance but control the right muscles to be able to maintain my stability, use my core, and be quick and coordinated with the music and the rest of the class.   Phew, easier said than done.
I was lost in the first five to seven minutes, especially on some of the moves and to top the discomfort, I lost my balance and twisted my ankle.
At that moment, I decided to control my monkey mind and focus on what I wanted to achieve, learn which muscles I need to control to maintain my balance and yet be agile. Bottom line,  I decided not to be spooked by a ball but believe in myself.
The workout was for an hour and after adopting the attitude of dare, try, observe, learn, I thoroughly enjoyed the last 40 minutes.  No, I was not close to being perfect but I had a good cardio workout, and was ready to challenge myself for the same class next time.
  • Doesn’t life present us with many situations similar to this ?
  • What makes the difference in that moment of choice  and decision?
  • What can we do as leaders in daily life and in our organizations ?
Every time we face a new or uncomfortable situation most of us experience negative thoughts and emotions.
  • Do we buy into our negative thoughts, feelings and emotions?               OR
  • Do we run away from them and avoid them like a barge pole ?              OR
  • Do we recognize those emotions and make a conscious decision to overcome them?

What can you do as a leader?

  1. Structure – an essential discipline in every leader.  You need to believe in yourself. Remember, your team draws on your confidence, ability and strength to lead the organization to its vision.  Structure gives you the boundaries within which you know you have to operate but not necessarily restrict to.
  2. Independent – you need to think independently as to what will work for you, your team and your organization in that moment of choice. Of course you can’t be in the know about everything. Drawing the synergy of the necessary resources is something that should come naturally to you as a leader. Reflect and introspect so that you have your moments of insight to enable you to make sound decisions and judgments.
  3. Collaboration – as a leader you are not expected to know everything. Brainstorming ideas and collaborating with your team, will engage and enable them to use their strengths and talents to work towards the vision.
  4. Creativity – you test your limits in challenging situations. As a leader you need to go out of your comfort zone to grow, develop, welcome changes and face bumps on the road.
  5. Emotional self-awareness and emotional self-control – you need to be mentally strong to manage your thoughts, feelings, emotions and words. Being achievement oriented, having a positive outlook and a strong EI will enable you to reach your vision. As a leader, seek to look at the big picture but at the same time do not forget the short-term steps required to achieve your long-term vision. Have the mental agility and toughness to face uncertainties and learn from your mistakes,
→As a leader, are you ready to influence and inspire by being resilient, empathetic and adaptable?
 
→What are the performance distinguishing competencies that you aspire to develop and achieve as a leader?
 
→How do you seek to influence those whose lives you touch?
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