Little Things That Matter

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Five Steps To Empower Your Way To Resilience

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Last Thursday, my mom had a bad fall. She slipped in the bathroom and badly injured her shoulder, her shoulder cervical area, and her pelvic bone. Initial X-ray, that day, did not reveal any fracture. My mother suffers from Parkinson and Osteoporosis for the past five years. Despite being in pain and agony, she hobbled her way through and still woke up at her usual time at 4 am on Friday. Her pain increased over the weekend and the pain killers seemed to have limited effect. and when she was taken to the hospital on Monday, she was diagnosed with multiple fractures. She has been advised complete bed rest. Yet, with her determination and willpower and my sister’s and dad’s help, she came back home. She made a deal with her Doctor that she will take care and come back on Friday, because the next two days is Diwali, which is our New Year. She did not want to be in the hospital for the next three days.

My mother is a resilient woman. Despite her Parkinson’s and Osteoporosis deteriorating over the years, she is mentally strong, very resilient and with her willpower she bounces back and continues with her life as it unfolds, with her positive attitude.

When you choose to wallow in your mishaps, sorrows or unpleasant changes that come along, you will increase the stress and overwhelm in your life.


Resilience is necessary for each of us because it with our resilient attitude that we face challenges, stay committed, and are able to move forward.

How do you build your resilience ?

1. Set an intention

One of my yoga instructors begins her class by asking us to set an intention and be conscious of that intention through some of the poses that we may find challenging. Setting an intention helps us to focus and direct our effort towards that.

Setting an intention on a daily basis is a gentle reminder to ourselves of what we want to be or achieve at the end of the day. The journey to that intention or goal despite challenges becomes more purposeful.

2. Adopt a positive mindset

A negative mindset leads to negative emotions and the vicious cycle continues. Emotions are present in our daily lives and plays a role in how we behave individually and socially. The limbic system controls our emotions and other brain functions related to our instincts and memories. When our brain perceives a threat or faces a threat or adversity, our brain gets into a fight, flight or freeze mode.

How many times have you been in situations when you sent an email and regretted over it? That is your limbic system in action where essentially your motor skills are in full form and your executive center or the rational part of your brain shuts down.

With a #Positive mind, we allow our #brain to think rationally. #transitions #resilient

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4.Labeling your emotion

We are emotional beings and EI does not mean keeping our emotions pent-up. Be aware of your emotions and what I have found useful is to label my emotions. For e.g. If someone does not respond to an email within the time frame they had committed, I’m either frustrated, angry or resign to the fact that the person is not committed. When I label my emotion, I recognize it and it becomes easier to deal with it. The trick here is to be aware of your emotion, recognize it and instinctively label it without over analyzing and spending too much time.

If you over analyze it, you run the risk of tiring your brain and overwhelming yourself.

5.Reflect

It is easy to blame yourself and criticise. Stop. Resilience is about your ability to take it all in, recognize where you are and move on without losing heart. Learn to reflect on what went well even in those challenging circumstances, what could you do differently to overcome the situation you are in. Tell yourself, “I am going to overcome this situation” or ” I can do it” and march forward.

The way you speak to yourself i.e. your thoughts, can either help you build yourself or chip away at your ability to feel confident. What will you choose?

Make those whispers to yourself #empowering, empathetic and one that builds your inner #strength.

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Resilience is a continuous process and not restricted to being adept at navigating hurdles and high pressure situations in life. It is about a mindset that helps you thrive through every situation, no matter what they are. Resilience is not about facing every aspect of life on your own. Take the support of friends and family because in confiding and collaborating with others whom you trust, you are able to get insights and breakthroughs.

Change is part of our lives and with some changes, transition takes a longer time and affects our daily being and activity. To lead your life with passion and purpose and overcome and face the transitions in your life and thrive, Contact me for one-on-one coaching, or group coaching or workshops or facilitation. 

5 Effortless Ways to Empower Your Self-Awareness

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“I am aware about that.” “Yeah, I know that.” “I have been through this before. This was Anna*, a client of mine, in her first couple of one-on-one coaching sessions with me, repeatedly told me in different always that she is a self-aware person.

Being self-aware is great and one of the first steps to your personal growth and development. And what are you doing with that awareness is even more important? What are you doing with being in “The Know”

Let’s take a closer look at the steps you can take once you are aware.

 

1. What Action Can I Take?

This is a powerful question you can ask yourself from time to time and when you are in “The know”. This helps you to put that awareness into taking some action. To motivate yourself, ask yourself what action can you take in the next 1 hour, in a day, in a week and so on.

If your goal is to participate in a triathlon in six months’ time, and you are aware that you need to train, what actions can you take, on a daily basis, to get the training kick started?

This can apply to any goal, skill or result that you need to achieve including being self-confident, authentic, able to influence and inspire others.

2. Why do I need to take the action ?

Taking action or not depends on how excited you are to achieve your goal. For example, If you are aware that your inner dialogue is stopping you from being an impactful communicator, you need to ask yourself why do you want to become an impactful communicator, what are the results you will achieve once you are an impactful communicator and how important are these results to you?

3. Why am I doing what I am doing ?

Connecting with your purpose helps you to achieve clarity in order to move forward. Your self-awareness will help you to set up structures in place so that you can take action towards the purpose you are motivated by.

4. What is your mindset?

Having a negative mindset accelerates your self-criticism without you being able to achieve the desired outcomes.

#Positive #mindset is critical to build your #resilience to keep going when the going gets tough.

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Use your self-awareness to determine what you did well when you made a shift in your perspective last time or when you overcame a challenge, what could you improve to get better results and what is stopping you from achieving your desired outcomes?

Visualize what will it be like if you achieve your desired goal. This visualization makes the goal powerful, positive and present and achievable.

Control your inner dialogue or self-talk towards accomplishing your development and growth.

5. What will happen if I don’t do anything with my awareness?

This is a great way to motivate yourself or push yourself to action. Reminding yourself of the consequences of not taking action is a great way to stop procrastinating.

Our brain is motivated to take action by perceived pain or pleasure.

Dr. Kringelbach suggests that this relationship between pain and pleasure would be evolutionarily efficient, because it was necessary to know whether or not to avoid or approach something for survival. According to Dr. Norman Doidge, the brain is limited in the sense that it tends to focus on the most used pathways.

6. What will happen if I take the action that I am aware about?

This is the pull factor and you gear your brain and drive yourself to the desired action. Use your awareness to achieve your desired goal. In all this, don’t forget to give credit to yourself in what you have accomplished.

Self-awareness includes:

↪️ recognizing our destructive thought patterns and taking action to work through them and overcome them
↪️ understanding our emotions – how we react to behaviors and events around us, what triggers the negative emotions and once you understand how can you manage the negative triggers
↪️ not only noticing our patterns of behaviors and actions but creating the necessary shift to overcome those that are disruptive
↪️ we are not in control of everything that happens around us but we are in control of our attitude and the mindset that we take to every situation.
↪️ that each of us have a choice and that we are responsible for our actions in our moment of choice.

#Self-awareness takes prolonged #focus and #effort. #EI #personaldevelopment #growth

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If you want to be self-aware and keen on making a shift in your leadership and communication style, please connect with me.

*name changed

10 Reasons To Be Thankful For

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It is so easy to complain and get into the negative mindset. Over the weekend, I participated in @Kate Nasser weekly people skills chat and the topic this week was “Ending Toxic Attitudes, Interactions, Relationships.”

During the chat there were some interesting insights. Indeed, it is so easy to get into the vicious cycle of negativity and thereafter it is a matter of spiraling down a negative and toxic path.

Negativity may be triggered by someone’s behavior failing to meet rational, logic and emotion, reality is way different from your expectations, your mindset and perspective.

Being #Thankful is one way to break the vicious cycle of negativity and consciously tell yourself to overcome stress.

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Yes, when you are going through that emotion, you may feel that it is easier said than done “to be thankful”. Yet, it takes a conscious mindset to remind yourself of what you can be thankful for, even in that adverse situation. Try it and experience what happens …..

Be Thankful for

→1. Things that went well (there are several things that go well even on the worst day. You need to remind yourself of those)
→2. Things you did well
→3. Things that failed and the lessons you learnt
→4. Things you didn’t do too well and what you can do differently next time
→5. Who you are. If you are not pleased with the way you are now, you will not be able to make progress and live life fully.
→6. Things you couldn’t do and what did those teach you. Remind yourself of those times you bounced back and showed your resilience.
→7. Moments when you felt you could have done better and the lessons learnt
→8. What you learnt from the loss of someone or something. Loss of someone near and dear is painful and the best way to remember that person is to cherish the good memories. How can you value your time with people who still live in this world?
→9. Achieving what you set out to achieve either fully or partially.
→10. You. You are enough and the day has gone by. There is always more and there will hopefully be another day to explore new experiences.

#Gratitude has a calming effect on your mind and sends a #positive signal to the brain. #leadfromwithin #life

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It helps your executive center to continue to work in a rational way. We are emotional beings and mindfulness helps to keep our brain calm.

How are you breaking away from falling prey to a toxic mindset?

How do you encourage others to be positive ?

For one-on-one coaching, speaking, training, workshops let’s connect

Remain Positive Though Negativity Feels Instinctive

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Photo Credits :Lalita Raman

Photo Credits :Lalita Raman

Do you see the glass half empty or do you see the glass half  full?

My domestic helper was looking very upset and low on Saturday. She was concerned about not being able to speak to her family, who live in Indonesia, Java, in a village close to where the volcano has erupted.

Her concern was valid. She was not able to get through to her family on the phone for a whole day. I realized if she continues with the negative thoughts, it is not going to help her. So I started asking her what typically happens when these kind of volcanos erupt and what happened last time when something similar had happened. Immediately she said oh ma’am the electricity goes off. To which I said, are you trying them on a landline or mobile?

And suddenly she realized that may be they have had no electricity and the battery on the mobile may have run off and they may not have been able to charge. There was a bright spark of delight on her face when she responded, yes mobile and yes may be the battery has run off. She had a smile on her face with this new hope.

During one of the trainings I was delivering last week, whilst mentioning that think of the positives, one of the participants remarked, it is not good to be over optimistic and be blinded by our optimism. We need to be realistic. Some amount of negativity and stress is required to take us forward……., indeed there is always some amount of pain that some of our brains requires to push us forward and to achieve something. However, shrouding ourselves in negativity that disables us to see any other way and move us forward is not realistic.

Is it good to be over optimistic?

Is it reasonable to be negative?

I think the most important in any situation of life, is our attitude. Attitude determines the choice you make at the moment and the choice you make or not make will either lift you or bury you further.

It is easy to criticize, complain and condemn and continue life. And it is a matter of choice whether we go the usual route or take the path to look at things realistically and not let our emotions go out of control.

What can you do when you see yourself getting into a vicious negative cycle ?

1. Hit your reset button

Snap out of it by hitting your reset button. Our thoughts control our feelings and that affects our behavior, our words and action. Only way to get out of it is to press Ctrl+Alt+Del or hit the Force Quit button. I take myself out of a negative thought especially when I see it is leading me along an irrational path by imagining myself pressing the Force Quit button in my brain almost similar to the force quit button on MAC when a program is not responding. This can take the form of pressing a button or walking away and taking a break or drinking water or talking to a friend or whatever that helps you at that moment.

2. Choose your surroundings

You may say, I don’t always have control on my surroundings. Yes but you do have control on what you do with it. Do you fall prey to it or choose to keep away from negative people who put you down. Can you remind yourself to not fall victim to your Amygdala and hijack your motor skills of your PFC? What are those little reminders that will help you at that moment?

This does not mean put up with any offense or humiliation or character assassination that people may make on you. It means choose a path, an action that will enable you to keep yourself and your emotions safe.

Choose the people you want to be around day-in and day-out because that does affect your #behavior over a period of #time.

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3. Your Action

Of course there are times when you are in a meeting, in an elevator, in a supermarket, in a gym when you come across people whose actions indicate a lot of negativity. The mindset they adopt is not something that suits your mindset. Change cannot be forced but what you have control over is your mindset. This is one of my most challenging acts. I need to keep my head above water to make sure that people’s negative behavior which could be in the form of not being courteous, or being impolite or doing some injustice does not affect me. I have to remind myself to stay above the fray and not stoop down to their level. Over the years, I have gotten better at this, because I have realized that change in any of us has to come from within.

What I can do is to lead by example and inspire others by my action.

In conclusion, I would say majority of time think and be positive. Negativity breeds negativity and pulls you down with no benefit to you or others. Positivity does not mean being unrealistic and over optimistic. It is good to be realistic and yes when we are trying to improve skills, behavior or lose weight or stop a habit that is not helping us, thinking of the negative consequences helps us to move forward.

How do you get over negativity?

#Life is a challenge and on the roller coaster journey of life how do you stay above the fray? #leadfromwithin

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For Coaching, Speaking and Training let’s Connect.

The Secret To Strong Self-Esteem

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You see it in others, you feel it in yourself when you exude it and yet you can only describe it by acts of doing instead of being. What is it?

It is Confidence you see in others and you describe it by what they do and how they do it.

You feel your own #self-esteem and people see you exude #self-confidence in what you do and say. #leadfromwithin

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  Each of us have self-esteem and we find this even on the dullest moments and on days we want to give up. Self-esteem is not something that can be taken away from us.

Yet, we don’t recognize that we have it and in moments of adversity it is our self-esteem that enables us to bounce back.

It is not about bragging or being narcissistic but it is about who you are, what you are good at and the humility to know and accept what you are not so good at.

Over the weekend, I watched the movie 100 Foot Journey. There is a scene in the movie where Hassan (the lead character) prepares a pigeon dish for his competitor, Madame Mallory. The way Hassan presents the dish to her is with complete confidence in his ability and you notice that as an observer. Of course, he doesn’t get the appreciation that he expects from Madame Mallory. Later in the movie, Hassan, having heard that Madame Mallory hires potential chefs by taste-testing an omelet they prepare for her, asks if he may cook an omelet for her. Citing his injured hands, he says Madame Mallory will have to help him with the process.

After sampling his cooking, Madame Mallory concedes to his potential to be a great chef.

He states to her that he was sure that he had made the first dish and the omelet exactly the way she liked and he was confident that she would like it.

The way this character exudes confidence is memorable.

Self Confidence comes from having the self-esteem about yourself.

#Self-esteem is about being #positive and believing in yourself and what you can do. #leadfromwithin

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  It is also about how you see yourself. Self-esteem gives you that wand to believe in yourself, respect and like yourself, accept your challenges and keep an open mind to learn, develop and continue to grow on the path of excellence. In this movie, Hassan has self-esteem and that enables him to learn, try out new things and excel in his goal and path. It is his self- esteem and self-confidence that enables him to reach the heights of success and yet make the choice when he feels he is at a crossroad.

How do you build your self-esteem and that of others?

1. Listen

Listening is the best gift you can give someone to build their self-esteem and confidence.

2. Encourage

As a child our parents encouraged us to step out of our comfort zone, be adaptable and believe in oneself. Each of us need encouragement no matter our age or gender.

2. Appreciate

As a child we love receiving praise and we get appreciated in the small things we do. However, we never stop wanting to be appreciated no matter our age or gender.

3. Plan ahead

Life is a challenge and it is an untrodden path. Be open to respond with spontaneity on the surprises. And don’t forget that preparation and planning in every aspect of life goes a long way. So, If you want to be a good speaker, prepare, practice and earn the right to speak it and do it with authenticity.

5. Strengths

Be aware of your strengths and use them. Be adaptable because sometimes these very strengths could become your down player. Hassan in this movie had a gift and passion for cooking. He was a natural at it and he knew it, yet he was ready to learn and adapt to become successful.

Self-esteem is something we all have and we can adopt a mindset where we allow us to build our self-confidence with honor and humility.

For Coaching, Speaking and Training let’s connect

Do You Walk A Fine Line In The Choices You Make?

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I was listening to music on my way to yoga on Saturday and Paul McCartney’s following song started playing on my iPhone ….

There is a fine line, between recklessness and courage
It’s about time, you understood which road to take
It’s a fine line, your decision makes a difference
Get it wrong, you’ll be making a big mistake

It’s a fine line
Whatever’s more important to you (It’s a fine line)
You got to choose what you want to do
Whatever’s more important to be (It’s a fine line)
That’s the thing that you gotta see

The lyrics of this song kept ringing in my ears and whilst doing yoga, when the instructor mentioned, do what is possible, push yourself but not to the extent where you are not able to breathe…..,it struck me that there is such a fine line between challenging yourself and stepping out of your comfort zone and pushing yourself to an extent where you could injure yourself and find it difficult to breathe.

After class on my way back, I couldn’t help thinking…..

There is a fine line between

→ confidence and over confidence resulting in arrogance
→ frustration and giving into anger and giving up
→ being a trusted advisor and a pushy or desperate sales person
→ giving in to let go and giving up
→ fake it till you make it to gain confidence and being inauthentic

How many times do leaders walk this fine line? And in walking this fine line, do you as a leader forget to care for your employees, to keep the communication lines open, to appreciate people and not take kindness for granted.

In walking this thin line, and in order to not tip over to the not so pleasant side, what are some of the most important factors?

1. Confidence

Have the confidence to be not led by your fears, yet remind yourself to be humble. Walking the fine line between arrogance and confidence can be challenging at times, yet, if you allow yourself to be driven by your inner self and core, it is possible to make the right choice.

2. Let go

Let go of the desire to be popular and of getting brownie points at the cost of not speaking up for the right things. Indifference breeds indifference. If you take people in your team for granted and do not recognize or appreciate them you are indicating that you don’t care for them or the work they do. Your behavior and what you do or don’t, matters.

3. People Skills

Being a team leader or manager involves much more than IQ. You will be an effective manager when you communicate with your team, make them feel valued and listen to them.

Be consistent in your behavior and walk your talk. You create confusion and animosity when you communicate one thing with your words and do something else by your actions. You need to have a positive attitude and see the good and bad and be able to deal with the challenges and adversities. People will believe in you if they see you put forth your values and vision consistently and in that care for people and work together with them to take this value and vision forward.

4. Mindset and attitude

It is challenging not to cross the thin line during adversities. Yet, a leader is one who does not fall prey to the vulnerable moment and shows the tight attitude and mindset. It is not about being a superwoman or superman but asking yourself what is your purpose and what are you driven by? Negative attitude is like a vicious cycle and can have a cascading effect in bringing a relationship, a team and organization apart.

5. Indifference

Your leadership style needs to facilitate people towards their and the overall organization’s progress. Policies and procedures are essential in an organization but when you make them cumbersome and as the sole purpose in whatever you do, it becomes inhuman and a burden.

No matter what role you play, you don’t need to tip over the thin line to make a choice that is irrational and one that displays poor #EI. #leadfromwithin

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You have a #choice even when you are walking a fine line, one you would like to receive if you were at the receiving end. #peopleskills

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For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

Smile and the World Smiles With You

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Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

I was conducting a group coaching session few weeks back and one of the participants didn’t smile throughout the first day. Every time I looked at this participant and engaged with her, the smile was missing, no matter what the discussion or activity was. The participant got the benefit of the group coaching and this was evident from her feedback and by her behavior towards the end of the session on day 3.

Smile was something she never associated with the business world. She lived so much in achieving her goal and when she was in that frame of mind, she forgot to smile. She forgot that smiling made her look natural and less stressed when she was communicating and engaging in the business world.

Have you observed that in the Doctor’s waiting room there is rarely a smile visible. Two years back, I was waiting at the Doctor’s clinic, for an X-ray, since I had a bad fall and a suspected fracture. There was no one in the waiting room for the Radiologist, so when he came up to me and asked me who was the patient, I was taken aback. I told him that I am the patient who is waiting to get an X-ray done on my ankle. He couldn’t believe it and the reason he stated was because I was smiling!

Yes, hospitals and doctors’ clinic waiting room are typically bereft of a smile. There is an atmosphere of glum and this fuels the negativity that exists in that moment in our own minds.

Smiling when one is undergoing a challenge, adversity or pain is difficult but not impossible.

Have you noticed how babies win the heart of others by their wonderful and spontaneous smile ?

Dogs are a hit with dog lovers. They are so glad to see you and there is no one who welcomes you the way your dog does. They are so glad to see their human friends that they jump out of their skins and aren’t we glad to see them.

Smile is something we often take for granted. Yet there is magic about a genuine smile.

Why Smile? Smile because

1. It’s worth it.
2. It brings a smile on someone else’s face and makes their day.
3. It makes you happy as much as you make up your mind to be.
4. It eases the challenge and adversity in that moment and sends positive signals to your brain.
5. It minimizes the stress and overwhelm in that moment, thus giving you insights.  Click To Tweet
6. It brings out the humility and humanity in you.
7. It helps you create the right attitude to that moment.
8. It opens the door to new connections and relationships.
9. A spontaneous smile happens in a flash and the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.
10. Nobody needs a smile so much as those who have none left to give in that moment. Click To Tweet

You are your brand and why not be a messenger of good will with your smile. Click To Tweet

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

Learnings In The Journey Of Life

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LifeI reflect quite often. However, this weekend I got into a deeper reflection mainly due to behaviors of some people. I got into this mode of “I must be doing something wrong” thinking. This is the inner critique taking over and I didn’t want that dominating me. When I started to reflect, write and self-coach myself, I started seeing things differently.

Reflection helps me to let go, learn something new, get different perspectives and insights and handle certain situations differently. Over the years I have learned the following

1. Have the courage to be yourself. Reflect, learn, unlearn, improve and never lose your values. Click To Tweet

2. You can’t please everyone. You will meet people in life who will always be toxic and never appreciate your strengths or your authenticity. Click To Tweet

3. You are unique in who you are. Your experience with each of your relationships and situations is unique.

4. You don’t get what you want in many turns of your life, though you may have given your best. Trying to find an explanation or a reason only makes matters worse. Stop overthinking.

5. You are not your rejections or your failures. You have to believe in your positive potential and your ability. Click To Tweet

6. As hard as it may be, it is best to let go of some relationships. Click To Tweet

7. Be authentic but let your authenticity not fall in a way that you are misunderstood. Framing the way you communicate your authenticity is imperative. Click To Tweet

8. Know when to speak up, when to be silent and know when to walk away. There is a time and place for everything and your best guide is your intuition.

9. Change is constant and people change. Don’t blame yourself when people start behaving differently.

10. You have to be street smart and be part of the change. Initiate change, be the change but never lose your values or your integrity. Click To Tweet

11. Apologize even if you are not wrong because you can walk away with a clean conscience.

12. Let yourself be lead from within and your intuition and not by your falsified ego. Click To Tweet

13. Value yourself and never compromise your values. Never allow yourself to be trampled by someone else. Speak your mind but always be respectful to others.

14. In trying to impress and cultivate your new relationships don’t forget about people who have stood by you through your tough times.

15. Smile. Smiling when you are going through a tough time is the most difficult but from personal experience I can say it makes a huge difference to that moment. You have to consciously tell yourself to smile in that vulnerable moment.

16. Being strong may feel tiring many times but the world is with you through your smiles and not your tears. Learn to cultivate resilience because that helps you to bounce back and approach life with a positive mindset. Click To Tweet

17. Focus on improving your strengths and don’t overemphasize your limitations.

18. Think before you speak, question yourself before you act. Pause is better than impulse. Click To Tweet

19. Don’t forget to be kind to yourself and others.

20. It is never too late to improve and change for the better.

21. Living in the moment is difficult but find ways to do it. You get insights when you accept the circumstance that you may be in. Anger worsens the situations and increases your frustration.

22. Share your emotions and how you feel but with people who will honor you for who you are and will listen with empathy.

23. Maturity is a lot to do with what lessons your experiences have taught you and how you show up in different challenges that life throws at you.

24. No matter how good you are there will always be people who hurt you. Take it as a lesson and let go of the hurt.

25. No one has lived your life or walked your road. So don’t worry about the naysayers and those who are judgmental.

Various actions, reactions and behaviors upset me but whenever I’m in that space of feeling hurt and upset, I remind myself that I can choose how I react. I ask myself how is this feeling of hurt impacting me and as a result, how I might not be showing up fully to various moments in life.

Choice of our behavior and actions is well within our control and let us always choose what is best to reflect our character. Click To Tweet

In the end, what matters is loving your life. Find the joy in trusting your intuition, cherishing your happy and sad memories, learning through the challenges that seemed indomitable at that moment in time and allowing yourself to make the choices in the chances you take. Learn to trust your instincts and stop doubting yourself every step of your way.Click To Tweet. 

Life is a continuous learning journey and there is no right or predetermined answers. Click To Tweet

What have you learnt over the years?

What reflections can you share so that others may use it in their path of learning and development?

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect. 

 

10 “Choice” Secrets That Each Of You should Know

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On April 26, 2003, Ralston, a 27-year-old mountaineer set out on a day of adventure in remote southeast Utah, alone and without telling anyone where he had gone.

“I dislodge – I pull – a large, like, 800-pound rock loose, that falls with me and eventually traps my right hand against the canyon wall.

He had only a liter of water, and no jacket. “I didn’t have plans to be out overnight,” he said.

But he was out overnight – five nights in all – 127 hours between a rock and a hard place

Ralston says it wasn’t long before he realized he faced an almost unfathomable choice.

“It was a conversation I had out loud with myself. You’re gonna have to cut your arm off, Aron. ‘I don’t want to cut my arm off.’ Dude, you’re gonna have to cut your arm off,” he said. “I said that to myself out loud in the canyon.”  Link

Aron Ralston had to make the Choice to amputate his right hand in order to survive a mountaineering ordeal.

Each of us make a choice every second or fraction thereof, be it, to wake up at a specific time, to eat breakfast, to drive or take public transport, to take medication or not when we are sick and the list goes on.

Choice, be it trivial or life altering, and a choice whether it is in the affirmative or negative or not making one at all, is an integral part of our life.

To be able to choose, we must evaluate all available options and select one for the greater good especially in those that touches and affects the lives of others.

The prefrontal cortex (PFC) located in the front part of the brain just behind the forehead acts as the brain’s command center. It is this part of the brain that allows us to choose rationally, to plan ahead, develop strategies, and also to adjust actions or reactions depending on situations. The PFC improves with age and process of growth and development continues well past adolescence. It enables us to focus our thoughts,  thinking whilst learning or analyzing different concepts or activities including complex ones.

Many times the desire of choice is so strong that it could interfere with one’s ability to determine the best option possible out of all those presented. A perfect example is a retail binge which we yield to in that impulsive moment when we see something spectacular, though if we had exercised the power of choice, we may have decided to wait till later.

Today, we have many choices to live our life contrary to two or three decades back. The desire to choose is natural and one that is required for survival.  But do we exercise our choice properly and what happens to those who are denied the choice of basic rights ?

Sheena Iyengar in her Book “The Art Of Choosing” (a must read) explains that humans voluntarily create and follow systems that restrict some of our individual choices to benefit the greater good.  We all face situations in our lives may be at work or in day-to-day where things happen beyond our control.  She refers to several studies that have found that stress increases when one works in circumstances where they had less control or brain perceives that they have less control than what they expected.  But in addition to the stressors at work , we suffer from the daily grind that is beyond our control  be it the pollution, traffic jams, delayed public transport leading to frustration and health issues.

However, we have the ability to create choice by altering our interpretations of what is around us. We have the choice to determine how we behave in challenging and less comfortable situations and it is this that distinguishes each of us.

I have been inspired by her book to write this post. She has also done a Ted talk on the same topic.

So how can we exercise our conscious choice for betterment of “You” and the world at large. Choose to

  1. Be positive – life is not a bed of roses. Roses grow with thorns and life will throw challenges which may throw you off the cliff, but a negative attitude makes it worse. Choose to be a realist but be positive.
  2. Be You  – look at a child. You see authenticity, spontaneity and children just love being who they are.  Always make it a point to be you and Choose You without hypocrisy.
  3. Be kind – You would like to be showered with kindness and that goes for each soul in this world.  Pass on the kindness. Surprise yourself and others by a random act of kindness.
  4. Be happy – there is no Vitamin to be happy but “being one.” You control your happiness by the choices you make, don’t make or not choosing at all.
  5. Be helpful – don’t walk away and turn your face to someone in needed of help.
  6. Be appreciative of your life, people you have around you, and every little thing that matters. The fact that you wake up to a new dawn which may have been denied to someone else is one to be thankful for.
  7. Be Committed – Actions give power to your words, stay true to your word and the responsibilities that you have chosen.
  8. Be responsible for your 2*2 space, for protecting the environment, for spreading the right values and for leaving the world a better place than when you came in.
  9. Be Mindful – no matter who you are or what you are be human first and be mindful of what you do, speak and act.   Remember that, “be who you want someone else to be”, make your deeds worthy of being emulated by others.
  10. Not give up – know when to walk away and when not to give up. In fulfilling your dreams don’t squash someone else’s dreams.

No matter what our background or differences it is the choices that connect us.  Choice could be something as simple as to Smile.

 Every choice you make has an end result – Zig Ziglar.

5 Steps To Overcome Self-Limiting Beliefs

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Did you know that our self-limiting beliefs are one of the worst obstacles to moving forward in whatever we seek to achieve.  Self limiting belief is that inner thought in our head of doubting oneself and not trusting ourselves.

What are some of these self-limiting beliefs that sabotage our career, our development and our life

Could it be

  • I’m no good at public speaking
  • I’m no good at keeping time

We allow our negative thoughts and frustrations to deter our ability to adapt, to learn, to unlearn, relearn, and to try out new challenges.  The motivation to change has to come from within.  How does one do this?

For the 5 Steps to Overcome Self Limiting Beliefs please click on Link

Coaching can help you reinvent yourself, discover possibilities, and break through to confidence and maintain the new you.

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