Little Things That Matter

Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

Archives for December 2013

Reflections of 2013

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Photo Credits :Lalita Raman

Photo Credits :Lalita Raman

Another year has almost gone by. I normally feel sad when a year goes by. While that feeling has not changed completely, I decided to put some of my reflections in writing.

What has the year been like? A mix, and most of all I’m grateful:

1. I was able to overcome some challenges. The journey is still on but my confidence level has gone up.
2. Despite taking on a new journey in terms of my career, I was able to travel and see some new places and revisit some old places.
3. I didn’t get overwhelmed on many things that I chose to do out of my comfort zone. I didn’t allow my inner gremlin to take the better of me.
4.My parents health had many moments of scare but I’m thankful for their never-ending optimism.
5.For my health, my family and overall the resilience, growth, and learning I had.

What do I expect in the year 2014? No, these are not resolutions?

1. To continue to grow, learn and share
2. To continue on my journey to follow my purpose in life with which I associate myself at this point in time.
3.To continue to touch people’ life positively and lead from within.
4. To explore new challenges and complete those which are work in progress.
5. To live in the moment and have continued resilience to deal with life’s surprises.

What are you thankful for in the current year?
What are you proud of?
What memories would you like to carry forward?
What would you want the year 2014 to be?
What can you offer to the coming year?

Thank you for being on this journey with me.

I wish you all the best for the year ahead. May your journey be filled with joy, continued strength and success.

Live With Hope

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Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

“Once there was a young warrior. Her teacher told her that she had to do battle with fear. She didn’t want to do that. It seemed too aggressive; it was scary; it seemed unfriendly. But the teacher said she had to do it and gave her the instructions for the battle. The day arrived. The student warrior stood on one side, and fear stood on the other. The warrior was feeling very small, and fear was looking big and wrathful. They both had their weapons. The young warrior roused herself and went toward fear, prostrated three times, and asked, “May I have permission to go into battle with you?” Fear said, “Thank you for showing me so much respect that you ask permission.” Then the young warrior said, “How can I defeat you?” Fear replied, “My weapons are that I talk fast, and I get very close to your face. Then you get completely unnerved, and you do whatever I say. If you don’t do what I tell you, I have no power. You can listen to me, and you can have respect for me. You can even be convinced by me. But if you don’t do what I say, I have no power.” In that way, the student warrior learned how to defeat fear. ”― Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times
To me this is an example of Hope in the face of fear, in the face of every moment of life.
https://twitter.com/rlalita/status/411382047706320896
In my coaching sessions with clients, when I coach with compassion and when their Positive Emotional Awareness is aroused, there is hope in their dreams and vision. Hope sees your ideal self – the self that you want out of life, the motivational core that focuses on your aspirations, dreams, purpose, and calling
I was at a Christmas Choir yesterday with the mood so joyous, and filled with hope. This is the festive season and typically during this time there is a joy, optimism and dreams are weaved.
However, what happens when there is negativity and struggle around us or we are in the midst of the same.
→Why allow negativity to get the better of us?
→Why not acknowledge that we are not feeling good yet not give up in taking a good look at the situation.
“…feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.” ― Pema Chödrön
For me Hope is …..
Heart – when we look within we find the answers. An awakened heart enables us to find the perspective and lead from within.
Optimism – to see the light at the end of the tunnel. No matter what the situation, ask yourself what can you make happen? Living with rational optimism and positive affirmations makes life easier. What happens to us at every moment is not within our control but the attitude we take to it, is our choice.
Passion – without energy and enthusiasm about our life and what we do, life becomes boring and meaningless. Our purpose is our biggest energy driver in achieving our dreams.
Empathy – to understand another person’s condition from their perspective keeps their hope. Show compassion not only to others but to self to renew yourself and connect with others.
To live in despair and wallow in our sorrows doesn’t take too much effort. Being positive and living to dream, to aspire and make things happen is what leading from within is and makes life interesting and challenging, Isn’t that what hope is all about?
Never take away hope from anyone else or from yourself.

The Essence Of A Simple Life

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Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

The sun shines brightly, the sky is blue, the wind blows gently on your face and November – March is the best time to have several dates with nature. I enjoy hiking and being up, close and personal with nature.

I went on a hike on Sunday and it was up one of the shortest but steepest peaks in Hong Kong. The path was gravelly with the downhill more challenging than the uphill.

With each of these hikes along a gravelly downhill path, I can’t help but think about life and the challenging moments she throws at us.

I tread the path downhill with care, caution yet overcoming the fear that I will go tumbling down. That is where focus, mindfulness and believing in myself helps a lot. How similar is this to life in the down and out moments?

I have also observed that people whom I meet in these hikes are friendly, smiling, willing to help and appear more relaxed and filled with eagerness to reach the top of the hill and explore their own fitness or new routes or adventures. You’ll most likely have an exactly opposite experience in the hum drum of the city if you were to bump into the same person on a week day near the office.

How can we bring this human touch to a manic day ?
How do we live life and enjoy the moments that she blesses us with ?
What has each reconnection with nature taught me ?

  1. Saying “please”, “thank you”, “sorry” honestly, sincerely and spontaneously. Smile because you don’t need a reason.
  2. Give honest and sincere appreciation to people whom you work with and to your near and dear ones.
  3. Replying to emails or returning phone calls because you care and you can show you care.
  4. Walking away when a negative emotion arises and not falling prey to that vulnerable moment.
  5. Forgive even when someone has hurt you not for them but for you to heal.
  6. Challenge yourself, step out of your comfort zone, grow and develop but learn to be compassionate with yourself.
  7. When you are alone watch your thoughts and when you are with others watch your words.
  8. Being committed to your word to others because you care for your character.
  9. Recognizing your ideal self and invoking essence of hope and compassion.
  10. Doing a random act of kindness to another human being or creature.
  11. Reading a good book as a regular habit.
  12. Spending time with Nature in the form of hikes, treks, swimming, rafting, sky diving and various other outdoor activities.
  13. Spending quality time with family and friends and doing it often.
  14. Lighting aromatic candles in your home and decorating your home with bright colors.
  15. Listening to understand and not to respond.

Each downturn or challenging moment in work or life although similar to the gravelly narrow path downhill seems to be more stressful. Whilst what life throws at us is not entirely within our control the attitude we take is entirely within our control.

I remind myself of some of the 15 points that I have mentioned, in my down and vulnerable moments.

→Resonant leaders are those who are emotionally self-aware, socially intelligent and have the cognitive intelligence.
→What do you do to not fall a victim to your moment of stress ?
→How are you becoming resonant leaders?

For Coaching, Facilitating and Speaking Connect. About Lalita Raman

Leadership And The Art Of Communication

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Last week on Wednesday, I was attending a meeting and one of the conversations was about organizing events where we could bring out the best in Women and show diversity of women by getting those who practice it to share their experiences. Along with this, some of us were of the view that we should combine this talk with some fun, food and frolic. While this conversation was going on, I suggested that maybe we should consider a theme party and before I could finish my statement, I heard a woman who was dominating the meeting till then, cut me off by laughing and saying “oh God, no, I hate fancy dress parties”.

For a second or two I was upset but decided to smile. I smiled, because at that moment I had a flash of this particular extract from Pema Chodron’s quotes that I had read the day before.

“It’s not life that causes suffering, says Buddhist teacher Pema Chödrön, it’s our story about life—our interpretation—that causes so much distress. When we practice interrupting the story we’re telling ourselves, and learn to ride the wave of emotions that inevitably come up in life, we can find a new freedom and flexibility in the face of uncertainty and change.”

I shy away from networking meetings, especially those over drinks or lunch without a talk or event. One of the main reasons I’m uncomfortable with these type of networking events is that I find most people not wanting to have a proper conversation. Most, whom I encounter at such events are those who give you a fleeting glance whilst making an effort to talk to you. They are either too busy with their smart phones or scouting the room whilst pretending to talk to you or anyone else they meet in the room.

Last Thursday, I made a conscious effort to go to one of the Alumni networking events and whilst I was almost on my way out, I met a person with whom I had a long and meaningful conversation. This person appealed to me because he did not flash his ego or titles or business cards or his position in his company. We spoke about values, state of the world, differences and similarities in culture and how important it is to get fulfillment on a daily basis and how we can explore this path on a daily basis. When I suddenly looked at the watch, I realized that it was well past the time I had planned to leave. We started and ended on a high note.

I smiled and at that moment realized how important it is to be present. I remembered a quote From Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living by Pema Chödrön, page 116, that made perfect sense to me, because I had experienced this whilst I was conversing with this person. “If we really want to communicate, we have to give up knowing what to do. When we come in with our agendas, they only block us from seeing the person in front of us. It’s best to drop our five-year plans and accept the awkward sinking feeling that we are entering a situation naked. We don’t know what will happen or what we’ll do.”

How many times do we enter a room and feel uncomfortable ?

What is the reason for this discomfort?

Yes, there are many times when many of us come into a conversation with pre conceived notions or agendas.

Some of these situations, where I am aware, yet find it difficult to go with a completely open mind is

– interviews
– business development meetings
– networking drink or lunch meetings with no event attached
– a meeting where negotiation is part of the agenda
– meeting someone for the first time as a potential client
– meeting people ahead or after a workshop, training or presentation.

Over the years, I have become less conscious in some of the above situations because I have consciously told myself and re-engineered my brain to go with an open mind. I have also realized that the more I go with a preset notion or the more apprehensive I have been, the less effective the conversation has been.

Communication happens best when there are no agendas and you allow the space to be filled with the flow. The flow can be silence, laughter, conversation, emotions, body language, facial expressions and everything that allows you to be who you are. A space that allows your soul to shine and where you are not interrupted, judged, criticized or expected to act in a particular way.

Whilst not every conversation in our day-to-day life may quite meet the above, why don’t we create that flow in every opportunity that we communicate in?

How do leaders communicate in the know?

  1. by being flexible and adaptable
  2. by facilitating empowering and engaging conversations
  3. by listening to understand and not to respond
  4. listening without bias or prejudice
  5. listen to connect emotionally and intellectually and with empathy
  6. give undivided attention to the person with whom you are having a conversation with.
  7. a conversation is never one way though many behave in that fashion as was the lady in the meeting I attended on Wednesday. If you are a good communicator, you will initiate the conversation by taking genuine interest in others and what they have to say.
  8. you reinforce and clarify. You are concise and you encourage others to talk not only by the words you use but also by your body language and facial expressions.

When have you experienced communication at its best?

How are you creating the space for being a great communicator?

“That we close down is not a problem. In fact, to become aware of when we so is an important part of the training. The first step in cultivating loving-kindness is to see when we are erecting barriers between ourselves and others. Unless we understand-in a non-judgmental way-that we are hardening our hearts, there is no possibility of dissolving that armor. Without dissolving the armor, the loving-kindness of bodhisattva is always held back. We are always obstructing our innate capacity to love without an agenda.” ~Pema Chodron

How are you ready to play?

What has inspired you in those you consider good communicators and leaders?

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