Little Things That Matter

Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

The Essence Of A Simple Life

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Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

The sun shines brightly, the sky is blue, the wind blows gently on your face and November – March is the best time to have several dates with nature. I enjoy hiking and being up, close and personal with nature.

I went on a hike on Sunday and it was up one of the shortest but steepest peaks in Hong Kong. The path was gravelly with the downhill more challenging than the uphill.

With each of these hikes along a gravelly downhill path, I can’t help but think about life and the challenging moments she throws at us.

I tread the path downhill with care, caution yet overcoming the fear that I will go tumbling down. That is where focus, mindfulness and believing in myself helps a lot. How similar is this to life in the down and out moments?

I have also observed that people whom I meet in these hikes are friendly, smiling, willing to help and appear more relaxed and filled with eagerness to reach the top of the hill and explore their own fitness or new routes or adventures. You’ll most likely have an exactly opposite experience in the hum drum of the city if you were to bump into the same person on a week day near the office.

How can we bring this human touch to a manic day ?
How do we live life and enjoy the moments that she blesses us with ?
What has each reconnection with nature taught me ?

  1. Saying “please”, “thank you”, “sorry” honestly, sincerely and spontaneously. Smile because you don’t need a reason.
  2. Give honest and sincere appreciation to people whom you work with and to your near and dear ones.
  3. Replying to emails or returning phone calls because you care and you can show you care.
  4. Walking away when a negative emotion arises and not falling prey to that vulnerable moment.
  5. Forgive even when someone has hurt you not for them but for you to heal.
  6. Challenge yourself, step out of your comfort zone, grow and develop but learn to be compassionate with yourself.
  7. When you are alone watch your thoughts and when you are with others watch your words.
  8. Being committed to your word to others because you care for your character.
  9. Recognizing your ideal self and invoking essence of hope and compassion.
  10. Doing a random act of kindness to another human being or creature.
  11. Reading a good book as a regular habit.
  12. Spending time with Nature in the form of hikes, treks, swimming, rafting, sky diving and various other outdoor activities.
  13. Spending quality time with family and friends and doing it often.
  14. Lighting aromatic candles in your home and decorating your home with bright colors.
  15. Listening to understand and not to respond.

Each downturn or challenging moment in work or life although similar to the gravelly narrow path downhill seems to be more stressful. Whilst what life throws at us is not entirely within our control the attitude we take is entirely within our control.

I remind myself of some of the 15 points that I have mentioned, in my down and vulnerable moments.

→Resonant leaders are those who are emotionally self-aware, socially intelligent and have the cognitive intelligence.
→What do you do to not fall a victim to your moment of stress ?
→How are you becoming resonant leaders?

For Coaching, Facilitating and Speaking Connect. About Lalita Raman

Leadership Qualities – Who Am I?

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Don’t wait for something outside of yourself to make you happy.  ~ E. Nightingale

Who Are You ? 

How many times have you been asked this question ? How many times have you asked this question of others? The typical answer that you get or give is that I’m an entrepreneur, investment banker, broker, sales director, CEO & Chairman of XXX Ltd., journalist, a rich man’s son or daughter with a name thrown in…  When we are born, most of us are given a suitcase full of standards, acceptable behavior, things to learn,values & a whole load of do’s and don’ts. As we grow and progress in life we keep adding or throwing away some contents of this suitcase. Each of us thus become a product of the choices we have made or that we have consciously decided not to make.

Since childhood, we have our dreams and we want to make them a reality. Part of these dreams is about what we become and that results in the career we choose.  However, many of us realize either early on or mid-life that the chosen career path is not one we enjoy or one that is necessarily nourishing to our soul.  Sometimes, you are also given a rude shock when you are asked to leave the company.  When life throws these challenges, you ask yourself “Who Am I”? You have always associated yourself with a role, a role of a CEO or chef but when life takes a sudden turn and you are not in that role for a period in time or when you are considering changing your career, you struggle to determine who you are?

Let me give you another example, a woman who becomes a mother and gives herself in being a mother feels a vacuum when her children grow up and move away to follow their own dreams. Each of us associate ourselves with being a sister, a father, a wife, a mother and many other roles played in our personal lives or organization or in our own business. These are all about Doing rather than Being.

Identity crisis comes about when roles no longer exist because of change in circumstances. The longest time you will ever live with someone is “Yourself” so it is imperative that each of us are able to answer the question “Who Am I.” This is an important question and it goes beyond one’s position, job, titles or status in society. These roles are “About You” but they don’t define you nor do they tell who you are, the person you are or the values you represent. Our choices determine who we are and who we will be. The decisions we make each day on every aspect that life presents us with, reveals who we are and what we are.

Yes you can choose to do all the best practices to make you the World’s Best Entrepreneur but what about the Being or To Be? How about being the world’s best entrepreneur in that I’ll be a thoughtful leader who helps others grow, develop and bring out their positive potential? You are the choices you make each day be it your reaction to something, or the people you choose to hang around with.  One’s environment plays a huge role in influencing who we are and the choice of the environment lies with each of us.  It is the festive and holiday season and each of us get to hear our share of Christmas carols and songs at shopping malls, at the gym, parties, restaurants.

I was at my gym for a Christmas Fitathon event last Saturday and as I was enjoying my working out, the song that was being played was Rudolph, The Red Nosed Reindeer. I personally like that song because it is quite peppy and cheers me up. This song got me thinking and I decided to explore a bit on Google to find out the story of Rudolph.  Bob May, the creator of Rudolph the Reindeer in some ways told his own story through Rudolph.  He was a misfit, an outcast, one who probably didn’t fit the single story stereotype. He had a tough childhood and he knew what it was to be different.

Story Links

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He created Rudolph to be different with his red shiny nose and he was always teased for how he looked.  What stood out to me in the story is that Rudolph recognized who he was and used his uniqueness to provide happiness and cheer to the children and many others around the world.

In all this, Bob May in his creation of Rudolph recognized who he was, and used his tenacity and imagination to please his child and at the same time millions around the world for centuries. He didn’t allow his role or his surroundings to pull him down and he worked on his strengths rather than focusing on his deficiencies.

I couldn’t have found a better summary of the Leadership Qualities in Rudolph and the following 7 points is an extract from  Rudolph: One of the Great Leaders of All Time!

“1. Rudolph’s story depicts him stepping up in the face of adversity. Without his willingness to do so, there would have been no leader and no Christmas.

2. Rudolph’s hoofed adventure distinguished him as a beacon of light–clearly identifying him as a leader.

3. Rudolph worked with the team despite his recognition (at least in song) that he was a star.

4. Rudolph surrounded himself with goal-oriented, hard-working reindeer.

5. Rudolph was smart; he was clever enough to survive delivering presents in the South despite having to do so during deer-hunting season!

6. Rudolph always maintained a positive attitude while leading the group.

7. Rudolph embraced his differences and turned them into strengths.”

Each of us can take a leaf out of Bob May’s or Rudolph’s qualities

What determines each of us ? Who Am I?

While this list is not exhaustive these are things I have learnt over the years what is most important to me and one I’m comfortable identifying myself with. Early this year, when I quit Corporate life to pursue a new career, a choice I consciously made, I suffered from an identity crisis and the transition from my role in the Corporate Life to what I do today made me want to put my thoughts of “Who Am I” on paper.

1. Being Compassionate

2. Being Gratuitous

3. Try to constantly renew, receive and reflect on life and my own actions and reactions.

4. Being led by my inner self and not by the external environment.

5. Listening so that I understand

6. Being humble

7. Learning from my mistakes

8. Asking the relevant questions

9. Being tolerant to myself and others especially when I’m frustrated

10.Not being afraid to say No or I don’t know when the situation demands

11. Making a difference each day

12. Learning to smile, to laugh, to let go and to forgive

13. Focusing on developing my strengths and that of others

14. Trusting oneself and letting go of self-limiting beliefs.

15. Being positive. Spreading the smile and act of kindness around in whatever I do and in whatever role I play in my daily life

Let me leave you with the Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer song

Merry Christmas to each of you and May the year 2013 be kind to each of us. Best Wishes. Lalita

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The 10 Cs Of Communication

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Communication can make or mar relationships at any level. Clarity is key to communication. Communication is not only verbal but also includes body language. Clarity in communication substantiates supports, authenticates and endorses the conversation.

Rely on the meaning, not just the words. You have to always think Why are you saying what you are saying and How do you want your receiver to feel after you have said what you have to say.

What is Important in Communication?

1. Clarity – less is often more and keep it simple and short.  This is one of the main reasons for the importance of elevator speech.

 2. Commonsense – a word once spoken cannot be recalled. Know Yourself no matter what situation you may be in. You need to apply good judgement and keep a degree of level-headed in every aspect of life.

 3. Consistency – trust is built only with consistency. Being reliable is key to building credibility in communication as in life. Lack of communication is another way of saying lack of trust.

 4. Confidence – credence, conviction, belief and trust are key pillars of communication. The way you communicate will reflect your level of confidence.

 5. Character – all forms of communication demonstrates your character, personality, mental make-up, level of integrity and the values that you hold.

 6. Commitment – your word is your bond and your personal image. Commitment includes not only a deal, a promise, a contract, but also day-to-day spoken words.

 7. Creativity – a picture speaks volumes. Telling a story or giving an example or showing a visual often reinforces what you are trying to convey. Use your creativity in articulating your message.

 8. Courage – Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak but it is also what it takes to sit down and listen – Winston Churchill. Courage is a mark of leadership and communication offers a multitude of channels to exhibit your gallantry in spoken and written form.

 9. Consideration – You need to  listen to understand rather than listen to respond. Nobody knows how much you know until they know how much you care.

 10. Competence – You are how you express yourself.  Competence needs effective communication.

Communication is an essential ingredient in our daily life.  Silence is not the answer to avoid challenges.  Communication gap is created by our apprehensions, fear, ego, assumptions, inability to address the issue and ask proper questions.  Are you underestimating the importance of communication?

‘Do You Communicate’, please refer my earlier blog post on this topic

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