Little Things That Matter

Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

6 Fences To Build For Yourself

By Leave a Comment

Recently, I watched the movie Fences, in which Troy Maxson (Denzel Washington) makes his living as a sanitation worker in 1950s Pittsburgh. Maxson once dreamed of becoming a professional baseball player, but was deemed too old when the major leagues began admitting black athletes. Bitter over his missed opportunity, Troy creates further tension in his family when he squashes his son’s (Jovan Adepo) chance to meet a college football recruiter (source IMDb)

In this movie, Troy decides to build a fence around his house and he does this over several years and it is finally completed near the end of the movie. What has the name Fences got to do with the movie? It could be a depiction of Troy’s way of keeping his fears out or could be construed as him trying to build the emotional barriers between himself and his sons. It could also be interpreted as Rose’s (Troy’s wife) way of keeping her family protected and safe.

As I was watching the movie, I was thinking of what Fences are we building around our self and which of them do we really need?

What are the fences that we need to build and what do we need to get rid of ?

⇒6 Fences you may want to consider to build

 

1.Lighten Your Load

Often, when we travel, we carry heavy baggage that slows us down. A lot of this heavy baggage, in daily life, comes from negativity and getting stuck in our way of thinking. You can break the fences, by keeping an open mind and a positive attitude. Keeping a frozen mind does not help us to see things from a different perspective.

Try honestly to see things from the other person’s #perspective to lighten your load. #resilience

Click To Tweet

2.Believe In Yourself

The grass looks greener on the other side and it does not have to be if you believe in yourself and keep your expectations optimistically positive. Unless and until your trust yourself and believe in your abilities and work towards your dream, no one else will.

Believing in yourself means breaking down the fences of self-doubt and fear. #transitions

Click To Tweet

 

Learn from every experience by asking what you did well and what you could do different. #leadership

Click To Tweet

3.Be Accountable

Are you clear about your priorities? Do you evaluate and reflect on them often? It is important to determine what is important along a time frame – 1 year, 6 months, 3 months, and so on and fine tune it to a daily basis. Trying to please everyone is not possible and take responsibility in setting boundaries that will help you to say yes only to things that are important.

Setting priorities and non-negotiable boundaries/fences will help you to be #accountable.

Click To Tweet

4.Listen

Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves – Dale Carnegie.

As a human being and a leader, it is about how well you listen. You may have the gift of gab and it takes self-regulation and awareness to step back and listen. Are you building fences in a way that stops you from listening to others?

5.Care

Do you care for your team and build relationships? Do you connect with your team and build rapport and trust with them? Are you, your clients trusted advisor? Make people with whom you work realize that they matter and appreciate them for things they do well.

Don’t build a fence around yourself from connecting with your team and who they are. #leadership

Click To Tweet

6.Personal growth and development

Do you give enough time for your own personal growth and development? A leader recognizes the importance of willingness to grow and develop their skills and thinking. Break down the fences that stops you from investing in your learning and development, be it your negativity, your excuses, or anything else.

Strive to keep learning and growing to be dynamic, up to date and be value added. #leadership

Click To Tweet

What fences are you locking yourself in?

Set yourself free from all those fences that stops you from using your abilities, believing in yourself and to be who you are.

 

Connect with me for one-on-one coaching or group coaching or facilitation of workshops or training or as a keynote speaker on areas of communication and leadership.

6 Antidotes To Apathy

By Leave a Comment

One time, during one of my travels, I was standing in the queue to go through security. The person standing ahead of me removed his belt placed it on the tray, emptied his pockets, then took out his laptop, put his bag on the trolley, thereafter zipped his laptop bag and then put that on the trolley. He took a good 5 minutes to do all of this. He seemed like a regular traveler and one who definitely was in the know. Yet…

Consider situations when people push you, or don’t bother moving out of your way when you say “excuse me”, on the road or in a lift, they barge in before you can get out. If you were to ask them to not do so, instead of saying sorry, they get into a fight and argument.

What is the common thread in these incidents?

⇒ATTITUDE

That traveler was in the know about what needs to be put on the belt and yet did not care about being courteous in making an attempt to remove his laptop from the bag ahead of time or be adept with the way he put the things on the belt. His behavior seemed to be one of lack of care and courtesy to the passengers queuing behind him.

⇒How many times have you been in situations where people tell you that they know and yet act differently?

⇒Being in the know is useful, if you chose to behave according to your actions.

⇒Being in the know is of no use if your resultant behavior and action is one of apathy.

⇒Not knowing is better than knowing something and choosing to be apathetic.

As a #leader, your mindset needs to be adaptive, focused and mindful.

Click To Tweet

In order not to be apathetic, consider these 6 key points

1.Attitude

Attitude is one each of us can chose because that is the only thing we can control.

To keep your attitude in check, are you
-asking the right questions of yourself and others,
-challenging the obvious
-willing to step out of your comfort zone
-being courteous in your actions and behavior
-ignoring your true dissenting inner voice

2.Pride

We need to celebrate our achievements and those of others. Each of us need to feel the deep pleasure derived from our accomplishments and successes. However, when we refuse to acknowledge those of others or are so narcissistic about ourselves, we turn our pride into being egoistic. As a leader be proud but not egoistic.

Are you being courageous to do what is right even if it is not the most popular?

3.Amiable

We need to be connected to each other because as human beings we are social animals and cannot survive in isolation. Connection happens when you are genuine and amiable. If you are indifferent and rude, you indicate a behavior of apathy.

4.Taut (not be rigid)

Being adaptive helps us to connect with others. You can be assertive and yet be adaptive. In showing rigidity in your actions, behaviors and the way you communicate, you are showing indifference.

Do you not ask questions because you fear resistance?

Do you stop advocating an idea for the good of your team and co., because it is not met with eyes of approval?

5.Haughty

A leader is one who has humility in the way they act and behave. By being haughty you do not inspire others in who you are or what you do.

⇒Do you surround yourself with people who don’t question you?

OR

⇒Do you surround yourself with people who can challenge your thinking and whose strengths make up for your deficits?

⇒Is your action and behavior disdainful and arrogantly superior?

⇒What are you doing with being in the know?

6.Yourself

Be authentic and Be yourself. Authenticity is being genuine but does not include being brash or uncourteous. Being authentic means you manage your EI and don’t forget your humility. In being EI, you chose to reframe your communication in a way that suits your audience and the context, without lying or using flattery.

 “As a #leader, you inspire others when you refuse to act and behave in a manner that is not apathetic.”

Attitude – You Pick, You Choose, And you create a #positive impact.

Click To Tweet

If you want to increase your self-awareness and manage your emotions in a better way, please consult me.

5 Sure Fire Ways of Overcoming Fear and Overwhelm

By 2 Comments

Three weeks back, I was facilitating a presentation skills training and during the break I checked my phone and saw a message from my sister- pumping heart problem, call and please come urgently. I was in shock when I read the message and in that shock did not unlock my phone and check further details of the message.

My mom had been discharged just the day before, on Sunday, after spending 3-4 days in ICU. I was wondering how from Parkinson’s she was suddenly having heart problems. Little did I realize that it was my dad who was serious, till I called my sister and thereafter quickly read my messages. I was in a state of confusion and the break was only for 10 minutes. I was caught between thoughts of my dad and praying he gets ok and giving my fullest to the participants. There was a fear that was constantly pulling me away from keeping myself focused. Yet, I put my fear and panic aside and delivered the training.

My sister described to me on the phone later, when I arrived home, the events of that morning. She was caught between panic and having to act swiftly to rush my dad to the hospital. She acted in a timely manner, arranged for the ambulance and she and her husband managed to get my dad to the ICU in the nick of time.

Fear is part of our life’s journey. There is a fear that is created by our imagination and letting our mind wander wild and there is a panic that takes over us, when events rock our world.

Yes, in that moment of fear, our emotional part of the brain takes over and we go into a freeze, fight, flight or appease mode. The executive center of the brain or the logical part of the brain shuts down when we are in a state of fear.

Are there ways to manage this state of fear and have our rational part of the brain take over?

I’m reminded of Katherine Paterson’s quote on fear “To fear is one thing. To let fear grab you by the tail and swing you around is another.”

Ways to manage and overcome fear

1.Breathe

Deep breathing is something we hear often and yet forget about doing so. When we are in a state of panic, our breathing becomes shallow thereby sending a signal to the brain of anxiety.

When you are in fear, consciously take the following steps

-Tell yourself to stop whatever you are doing. This gives you a moment away from the emotion you are going through.
-Consciously breathe in and out and count the no of breaths in and out. Breathing in and out consciously is difficult when you are in an emotional state – be it fear, anger or feeling of overwhelm. Thus consciously forcing yourself to do this is important.
-Once you focus on your breathing… It becomes easier to increase the count you breathe in and breathe out. Counting your breath in and out allows you to focus and bring your rational brain into play again.

In a matter of less than 2 minutes, I was able to focus on the training by reminding myself to breathe in and out.

2.Focus on the task at hand and desired outcome

Ask yourself how important is the task at hand and will that be affected if you allow yourself to remain in the state of panic? Sometimes rating your fear on a scale of 1-10 v/s the importance of the task in hand on a scale of 1-10 helps to put things in perspective.

If there is a repetitive pattern of fear before a particular activity or task or even an unexpected event, reflecting on what you can do different, so that you don’t get into a fear mode is another way to gradually overcome fear.

Both my sister and I got ourselves to focus on our tasks at hand and didn’t allow our imagination to go wild.

3.Imagination

We imagine and imagination within limits is good. Imagination going wild can cause anxiety and fear. Think about the number of times you were worried about something and finally actual results or reality was far different from your wild imagination.

The thinking process that we go through, usually without realizing it, to get from a fact to a decision or action are based on our prior experiences and beliefs. Our prior experiences or beliefs can thus lead us to making our own interpretation of what the events mean and we draw conclusions based on these interpreted facts and our assumptions.

Fear and anxiety often arises from our uncontrolled imagination. When you get into this mode, either

-Ask yourself, “what is the worst that can possibly happen?”
-Prepare to accept the worst.
-Try to improve on the worst
and
Remind yourself of the exorbitant price you can pay for worry and anxiety in terms of your health. Decide just how much anxiety a thing may be worth and refuse to give it more.

There are things beyond one’s control and for such things it is best to Cooperate with the inevitable.

The past can be used as a guide for future, as an inspiration but never as a source of worry and anxiety.

Use your imagination to see yourself in a positive, present (in terms of where you want to be) and powerful state with regard to upcoming events and that will help you prepare and be in a calm state of mind.

On the day when my dad was hospitalized all I could do was to pray and hope for the best. By worrying and thinking about my dad at that point in time, I realized I would lose my focus on the task at hand. I also told myself, that the earliest I could leave was that evening because there were no flights earlier.

4.Cultivate a peaceful mental attitude

Our mind can be a monster and we should encourage ourselves to consciously fill our mind with thoughts of peace, courage, health, and hope. Keeping yourself constructively busy mentally and physically will help the mind and our brain to focus on achieving something and not wander away.

5.Gratitude

Reminding yourself of things you are capable of and what you have done builds the positivity and in that positive state of mind, creativity is encouraged and fear is reduced.

Having a mindset of gratitude to things you have, things that you are capable of and challenges that you have overcome helps to ease doubt and fear.

Fear is a state of mind and with some or all of the above points, we can learn to control our monkey mind.

Fears and self-doubts will come up when you take on a new role, take on greater responsibility, manage a larger team or new team or speak up. Find out what you limiting beliefs are by going through the above steps or hiring a professional coach.

Do not let your #fear or limiting beliefs stop you from what you want to do or be. #self-confidence

Click To Tweet

To overcome fears and doubts and enhance your self-confidence, consult me for either one-on-one coaching, group coaching, facilitation, training or as a key note speaker.

5 Key Benefits From Story Telling

By Leave a Comment

Jack started off by telling us that the bank that he was working with, had just announced a reorganization and that the division he had been working in, was going to be sold to another bank. He started preparing his CV, met few headhunters and specifically stated how one headhunter, Gina, was a bit different, in the way she asked questions and discovered more about him, his skills, and his background.

She put him up for an interview with a company, although she felt that he was probably not an exact fit. He goes on to describe the various stages of the interview, the ups and downs, the excitement and the apprehension.  Jack then interviews with the Managing Director, and he describes how he articulated to the Managing Director, that he was the right fit for that job. He lets the audience feel every moment of this interview, describing the room, the behaviors of this MD, his own feelings, and he continues to build it up, the audience waiting with abated breadth and thereafter he ends the story on a climax, bringing it all together. His story made us think, care, feel, and emotionally connect with his experience. He took us through the high and low, the action, an element of suspense and overall kept us riveted and engaged throughout.

Telling Stories is an art, a craft, and a skill that can be developed. #communication #leadership

Click To Tweet

We are emotional beings and emotion is the critical element that makes information relevant and memorable. Storytelling is an art, science and craftsmanship and it relies on our real life experiences and creative thought processes. Through stories we inform, engage, entertain, convince, add depth to ours and others lives and give meaning to our relationships. A well told story provides the relevant context in our work.

A leader should be and want to be a good story teller. Here is why

1.To Communicate

A #leader needs to engage and understand their audience to make the #communication effective.

Click To Tweet

We are bombarded on a day-to-day basis with never ending flow of information and numbers. Never ending stream of data may be useful but can get boring. Communication happens if it reaches the ears of the listener in the way it was intended. An interesting and well told story is able to capture the attention of the audience, convey the message which reams of data may not be able to. One of the qualities of a great communicator is credibility and connecting with the audience. No one else will be able to tell your story as well as you do because you have experienced it and thus earned the right.

2.To Empower

#Leaders are respected when they #empower others to their full potential. #leadership

Click To Tweet

Story telling not only empowers the story teller but also the audience. By telling a story, the story teller reminds himself or herself of how strong they are and the lessons learnt. The audience listening to the story is empowered to act in the desired manner based on the lesson learnt from others stories.

3.To Inspire

One of the qualities of a #leader is to inspire and to lead by example. #leadership #leadbyexample

Click To Tweet

There are many movies based on true stories, and be it in a movie like Race, which is based on the incredible true story of courage, determination, tolerance, and friendship, and an inspiring drama about Jesse Owens fight to become an Olympic legend or Catch me if you can, which is based on a major con artist, Frank Abagnale Jr. who was successful at stealing millions of dollars, acting as a Pan Am pilot, a doctor and a legal prosecutor – all before his 19th birthday. Each of these have a story from which you can be inspired by the grit, determination, the courage, the EQ or IQ of the person whose life, these stories are based on.

4.To Educate

Leaders often need to educate people on policies, procedures and on the way to do things. All of this is necessary and yet you may feel it is mundane and boring. What better way to educate than by way of stories.
Stories not only inspires us but educates us, in that, we can learn lessons based on the theme of the story. Stories enables us to remember and apply the lesson, learnt from others’ lives. “Think before you speak” or “Learn from your mistakes” is great advise to receive and yet one that we hear so often that sometimes we may tend to ignore this advise. When you hear stories from people of the consequences of thinking before speaking, and the lesson learnt, we can remember it because it lands on us well and it educates us.

5.To Reinforce Positive Behaviors

#Leaders need to reinforce positive behaviors by who they are and stories are a great way to do so.

Click To Tweet

Jack through his story conveyed his confidence, positive attitude and presence of mind to create a positive impression on the managing director of the company with whom he was interviewing. By his narrative, he was able to reinforce to the audience, the positive behaviors of wit, EQ, adaptability and being present.

Story telling is only effective when it is legitimate, when you relive that moment so that you take the audience to that moment and you connect with the story and the audience emotionally.

Tell a story well and you create an impact as a human being and as a #leader. #leadership

Click To Tweet

Stories are great when they are authentic, genuine and based on real events in your life and you need to tell your stories in a way that you evoke the necessary response in your audience and it inspires them.

How are you communicating, inspiring, educating and engaging your audience?

What stories are your telling?

Please feel free to share your thoughts on the Power Of Storytelling.

The narratives that you tell yourself affects and impacts who you are, it drives your self-confidence and it can   be damaging too. Please feel free to connect with me for one-on-one coaching, team coaching, facilitation or as a key note speaker.

You Will Regret, Not Reading This Right Now

By Leave a Comment

I was at yoga and as I was holding my push up, the instructor asked “have you injured your left shoulder”? Her question took me by surprise. I responded to her in the negative and then I told her that I had a surgery on my right shoulder rotator cuff, three years back. She said that I am slumping on my left shoulder and the injury and the resultant surgery could be the cause.

Push-ups is something I enjoy at yoga and at the gym and it is only on rare occasions that I would do push-ups with my knees down. I was unaware of this slump on my left shoulder whilst I was doing my push-ups. Now that I was aware of this, I was extra conscious of the same and in fact struggled with my push-ups.

And as I was wondering how I could correct it, I remembered the cycle of competence. I wouldn’t necessarily call myself unconsciously competent in doing push-ups but sudden awareness about this slump on my left shoulder made me feel I had regressed to unconscious incompetence.

→As a leader, how many times are you unconsciously incompetent or consciously incompetent and you allow that to stop you from moving forward?

What can you do as a leader to increase your awareness of your team and your own self-awareness through the cycle of competence?

1.Think about your strengths

In moving from stage 1 of unconsciously incompetent to stage 4 of unconsciously competent or stage 5 of reflective competence, rely on your strengths. When you focus on your strengths and your teams’ strengths, it will change your perspective and give you the confidence to move from stage to stage and be on the right path.

2. Think about your challenges

#Life stops when you stop learning and you take an #attitude of “always in the know” #transitions

Click To Tweet

 Growth and development happens when you are ready to let go of your inhibitions.

When you recognize what you do well and be reflective, you are able to create opportunities for yourself and your team. When we are in a negative thinking mode, no insights or breakthroughs are possible and in fact it inhibits our brain from clear thinking.

As a leader, you need to realize that the better you become at something, the more you need to consciously think about how you can get better at that task. Those are the new benchmarks by which you judge the success or failure of who you are or what you do.

In learning a new skill or re-learning a skill, there may be moments when you feel you have regressed to previous stages especially if you fail to practice the new way of doing things or exercise the new skill.

In inspiring others to reach their potential, you need to assess where your team is currently, where is their desired outcome and find out what is creating the gap. Telling your team to fix the problem is not going to close the gap between where they are and the final outcome.

#Coaching is necessary to get members of your team to reach the desired state. #leadership

Click To Tweet

What is necessary for coaching ?

1.Create a safe place

Do not Judge. Judgment creates defensiveness and stops people from expressing and communicating with an open mind. If you want people to feel respected, listen to them, respect their views, create a safe place and help them grow.

2.Focus on way forward

Don’t focus on what went wrong because that will be self-defeating and demotivating. #coaching

Click To Tweet

Keeping focus on how to get to the desired outcomes will help you move forward and help your team overcome the challenges.

3.Be curious

We engage in the world we create. Ask questions instead of telling or giving orders because asking relevant questions keeps people engaged and helps them to think. Asking for your team’s suggestion helps them to be focused and be involved.

4.Get Commitment

Be# goal oriented and get your team to commit to a plan of action. #leadership

Click To Tweet

 A plan of action which you help them to design engages them to give their commitment.

Overall, be it in your progression or your team’s progression, create awareness accompanied by a sense of awakening through coaching and coaching yourself by hiring a coach or self-coaching.

⇒Every leader and trainer and coach should be aware that if the awareness of skill and deficiency is low or non-existent – i.e. the learner is at the unconscious incompetence stage – the person will simply not see the need for learning. Thus it is essential to establish awareness of a weakness or training need (conscious incompetence) prior to attempting to impart or arrange training or skills necessary to move people from stage 2 to 3. People only respond to training and coaching when they are aware of their own need for it, and the personal benefit they will derive from achieving it.⇐

For professional executive coaching either one-on-one or group coaching or training or facilitation please contact me.

image source

Five Steps To Empower Your Way To Resilience

By Leave a Comment

Last Thursday, my mom had a bad fall. She slipped in the bathroom and badly injured her shoulder, her shoulder cervical area, and her pelvic bone. Initial X-ray, that day, did not reveal any fracture. My mother suffers from Parkinson and Osteoporosis for the past five years. Despite being in pain and agony, she hobbled her way through and still woke up at her usual time at 4 am on Friday. Her pain increased over the weekend and the pain killers seemed to have limited effect. and when she was taken to the hospital on Monday, she was diagnosed with multiple fractures. She has been advised complete bed rest. Yet, with her determination and willpower and my sister’s and dad’s help, she came back home. She made a deal with her Doctor that she will take care and come back on Friday, because the next two days is Diwali, which is our New Year. She did not want to be in the hospital for the next three days.

My mother is a resilient woman. Despite her Parkinson’s and Osteoporosis deteriorating over the years, she is mentally strong, very resilient and with her willpower she bounces back and continues with her life as it unfolds, with her positive attitude.

When you choose to wallow in your mishaps, sorrows or unpleasant changes that come along, you will increase the stress and overwhelm in your life.


Resilience is necessary for each of us because it with our resilient attitude that we face challenges, stay committed, and are able to move forward.

How do you build your resilience ?

1. Set an intention

One of my yoga instructors begins her class by asking us to set an intention and be conscious of that intention through some of the poses that we may find challenging. Setting an intention helps us to focus and direct our effort towards that.

Setting an intention on a daily basis is a gentle reminder to ourselves of what we want to be or achieve at the end of the day. The journey to that intention or goal despite challenges becomes more purposeful.

2. Adopt a positive mindset

A negative mindset leads to negative emotions and the vicious cycle continues. Emotions are present in our daily lives and plays a role in how we behave individually and socially. The limbic system controls our emotions and other brain functions related to our instincts and memories. When our brain perceives a threat or faces a threat or adversity, our brain gets into a fight, flight or freeze mode.

How many times have you been in situations when you sent an email and regretted over it? That is your limbic system in action where essentially your motor skills are in full form and your executive center or the rational part of your brain shuts down.

With a #Positive mind, we allow our #brain to think rationally. #transitions #resilient

Click To Tweet

4.Labeling your emotion

We are emotional beings and EI does not mean keeping our emotions pent-up. Be aware of your emotions and what I have found useful is to label my emotions. For e.g. If someone does not respond to an email within the time frame they had committed, I’m either frustrated, angry or resign to the fact that the person is not committed. When I label my emotion, I recognize it and it becomes easier to deal with it. The trick here is to be aware of your emotion, recognize it and instinctively label it without over analyzing and spending too much time.

If you over analyze it, you run the risk of tiring your brain and overwhelming yourself.

5.Reflect

It is easy to blame yourself and criticise. Stop. Resilience is about your ability to take it all in, recognize where you are and move on without losing heart. Learn to reflect on what went well even in those challenging circumstances, what could you do differently to overcome the situation you are in. Tell yourself, “I am going to overcome this situation” or ” I can do it” and march forward.

The way you speak to yourself i.e. your thoughts, can either help you build yourself or chip away at your ability to feel confident. What will you choose?

Make those whispers to yourself #empowering, empathetic and one that builds your inner #strength.

Click To Tweet

Resilience is a continuous process and not restricted to being adept at navigating hurdles and high pressure situations in life. It is about a mindset that helps you thrive through every situation, no matter what they are. Resilience is not about facing every aspect of life on your own. Take the support of friends and family because in confiding and collaborating with others whom you trust, you are able to get insights and breakthroughs.

Change is part of our lives and with some changes, transition takes a longer time and affects our daily being and activity. To lead your life with passion and purpose and overcome and face the transitions in your life and thrive, Contact me for one-on-one coaching, or group coaching or workshops or facilitation. 

Is The Power Of Empathy Lacking In Leaders?

By Leave a Comment

Empathy, the ability to resonate with your requisite emotional response, to what others are experiencing in that moment.

“You are a Coach. One of the key essentials to being a good coach is to listen and not fix things”. This was one of the first things, I heard, in one of my coach certification trainings.

Empathy, is a necessity, not just as a coach, but as a human being in every walk of life including at work. Yet, it is lacking in many leaders, who need it the most.

Empathy is important in a cross cultural context, in evaluating somebody, in working with somebody, to understand what your customer needs and in the highly connected world that we live in where people are quite vocal in their opinions. You need empathy in understanding the dynamic needs of your audience, no matter, you are in sales, in back office, in front office, leadership and development facilitator or purchasing and requisition.

Two weeks back, a friend of mine was quite upset and frustrated. She narrated to me her experience, the previous day at work. One of her senior colleagues, did not give her an opportunity to do what she does best. He interrupted her, whilst she was doing her work and basically rode the show. Empathy was lacking from this senior colleague of hers who decided that he will have his way and not allow her to do what she is good at. His behavior of over dominance also caused her to doubt her confidence and her ability. This colleague had failed to see the world through her eyes and understand her perspective.

#Empathy is #listening and understanding others and goes beyond that. #leadership #peopleskills #transitions

Click To Tweet

 To be a good listener, it takes more than just hearing with your ears, as to what the person is saying—it requires focus, an innate desire, mindfulness and conscientiousness.

Empathy is:

→1. Allowing someone to do what they are good at and not standing in their way.
→2. If someone is not able to get to their goal, find out what stopped them from getting there and have the understanding to facilitate a solution that works best with that person and in that situation.
→3. If someone has made a mistake, calling attention to their mistakes indirectly. One way to do this is by asking questions.
→4. When you listen, you give your undivided attention of your mind, body and soul to the person who is talking. Listening requires concentration and this is evident not only from your ears but from your body language, your tone, your eyes and words. Know when to speak up and when to shut up.
→5.Understanding the cultural nuances with your observation powers, your ears and your heart.
→6. In the art of Persuasion, understand what is the benefit to that person and how does it matter to them ?
→7. To pick the cues in every relationship and in every conversation. How can you be empathetic if you have not been able to sense what the situation requires?
→8. When somebody is agitated, let them vent in a manner that is most suitable to that person and as the situation demands.
→9. Your behavior, your tone, your body language, and the words you choose can be the most effective form of empathy and make the fault seem easy to correct.
→10. Praise the slight improvement and praise every improvement. Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise- Dale Carnegie
→11. Asking questions instead of giving direct orders.
→12. Allowing someone to save face.
→13. Disagreeing agreeably with others. Giving respect to the other person’s opinion and never saying that they are wrong.
→14. Honoring your word and staying true to your commitment.
→15. Acknowledging the goodness in others and not allowing your judgment to mar that.

What would you like to add to the above list of Empathy ?

Empathy is the EI, the intellectual and emotional curiosity to see other people’s reality, and having the mindset to adapt to what the situation demands.

#Empathy is the #pathos in every #human connection. #leadership #transitions #peopleskills

Click To Tweet

You have a leadership mindset when you are empathetic which means you need to be focussed, mindful and adaptive to the current moment.

Empathy is imperative in transitions – to self and others, to see through the transitions that life journeys us through.  Connect with me if you need coaching either on a one-on-one or as a group, to manage transitions, at work or in life, through coaching. 

Five Ways How Yoga Can Make you a Better Leader

By 2 Comments

Why Do You Do What You Do ?

Fitness is not just about how physically fit you are. It is about “the intention” with which you work-out at the gym (cardio and/or weights training), or while walking, running or practicing yoga. And in any of these forms of fitness training, physical fitness cannot be achieved without the mental well-being. Setting an intention ahead of the workout helps you to be #mindful on the path to achieving your goal.

Setting an #intention is about being conscious of #why you do what you do. #leadership #mindfulness #transitions

Click To Tweet

Most of us experience overwhelm on some days of the week in our lives. Overcoming stress is about taking the right mental attitude to deal with what causes the exhaustion and overwhelm.

Yoga is not just about relaxing, it is about meditation in flow and mindfulness whilst doing the various asanas (poses). It is not about what you want but what you achieve and yoga helps you to do that.

Yoga can be practiced in addition to your gym or running or in isolation.

Here are my favorite reasons to bring yoga as part of your daily life as an entrepreneur and leader 

1. Letting Go of Control

As an entrepreneur or as an employee, you are constantly making decisions and doing something. You are also possibly managing people and coordinating your team’s efforts. If you go to a yoga class, you are led by the instructor. Of course, you choose whose class you want to attend, the type of class you want to attend. Once you are in the class, there is no turning back. You need to go with the flow. You learn to appreciate the importance of giving clear instructions and showing empathy whilst doing the same. Even if you are used to a particular instructor’s style, each day is different for them and you and you have to learn to give in and be in the moment. Not doing so leads to irritation, stress and finally not achieving the purpose of being at yoga.

[Tweet “As a #leader, you need to let go and be in the moment to #trust your gut and your team. #leadership]

2. Do away with Judgment

Over more than 10 years that I have been practicing yoga, I have realized that whenever I judge myself, I lose my focus and chances of injury are higher. Reacting to frustrations or letting your ego get the better of you during yoga makes you distracted, and the results not so desirable.

As an entrepreneur and leader, growth and development is key and making judgment on yourself and others, distracts and deters you from achieving your goal.

3. Patience

Yoga teaches you to be patient. Each day is different and your mental and physical being is different. If you don’t realize and accept this, you can experience frustration. In our daily life, it takes time to reach our goal and achieve our vision. Progress is made slowly and yoga teaches you to be humble and patient. What is most important in your life’s journey is your intention, effort and passion.

4. Connecting

Working and thinking non-stop tires your brain. To be effective and efficient, you need to take timely breaks. Yoga helps you to connect with yourself by quietening your mind. It helps you foster mindfulness and gives your brain the much required break. To get over overwhelm and exhaustion, set aside time for mindfulness through yoga.

This helps you to be creative and get the breakthroughs you are seeking.

5. The Discipline of Flexibility

Every yoga practice requires an open mind and the willingness to accept that moment. To find the agility and flow despite what you are feeling in your body and mind, requires you to be adaptable.

In the same way, entrepreneurs and leaders need to be adaptable in their approach and flexible in the way they communicate.

When we are flexible and implement a wider range of communication skills and take risks to step out of our comfort zones, we become more open-minded and influence others as leaders in who we are ~Lalita

Yoga is a journey that teaches you to be humble, patient, step out of your comfort zone and learn to live in the moment. This is the journey that a leader needs to adopt to be inspirational and influential.

Leading an intentional life is about being conscious of your choices, leading from within, cherishing your relationships and your every living moment. 

Yoga has made me resilient and look at life mind fully and with enthusiasm, no matter what transitions in life I have had to face.

If you are looking to enhance your executive presence through transitions you face, please connect with me and let’s have a chat. 

The 4 Cs Of Effective Communication

By Leave a Comment

It is no doubt that good leaders are also effective communicators.

“I don’t understand why anyone would have an issue with the way I communicate. I consider everyone’s view-point and yet my team and my boss feels that I am not being collaborative and I’m a control freak.”

This was the remark made by one of my clients (let’s call him Jeff) when I met him for the first time after he was assigned a coach by his organization.

Jeff had a tendency to talk indiscriminately. He never listened and never gave an opportunity to his audience, one on one or with several, to talk. At work, he overburdened his team, his peers, his direct reports with information. Added to this, he also had a habit of being in control too tightly; thus being perceived as stifling independent initiative. As a result of his micro-managing, he created resentment especially among his direct reports. Jeff caused ambiguity and unnecessary anxiety by not allowing others to talk and in not listening.

Jeff displayed strong self-confidence and his actions and behaviors indicated that he was in the best position to know what is really needed. He was thus perceived as self-centered or even arrogant at times; especially because he did not give others an opportunity to express themselves.

Is Communication “not listening”?

A colleague of mine has the habit of getting her family members and friends to say yes in a manner which is quite manipulative and coercive. She will ask those friends or family members to whom she has given gifts, isn’t what I gave you the best, you liked it no? I always give the best. She also has a habit of telling people to include her in her contact list and send her a what’s app and she asks them to do so by standing next to them and telling them to do so immediately. Whilst one can give her candid feedback about her gift and also say no or I’ll do it later to her what’s app request, most people don’t do so because no one wants to hurt her feelings. They also don’t want her to get upset on either being told ‘no’ or I’ll do it later.

Is Communication forcing yourself on others? Do you seek to force your opinion on others?

What is Effective Communication?

Those who inspire others as leaders influence by the way they act, how they communicate (what they say and how they say it). Bottom-line good leaders are good communicators.

Think about it, how can you inspire and influence others if you don’t communicate in a clear, credible and authentic way and don’t listen to what others have to say?

What are the key habits to adopt to become an effective communicator?

1. Connection

Communication is about engaging with others and in doing so you need to make the audience feel comfortable. For this you need to be self-aware – what is your communication style, what is working well and with whom and where you need to adapt. You need to understand others and adapt your style to make that connection.

Jeff was not self-aware nor did he take time to understand others.

2. Clarity and Conciseness

Communication does not mean you keep talking indiscriminately. Say what you have to say and say it in a concise way. Overloading people with information nonstop is not going to get or keep their attention. Being verbose kills your effectiveness. Be interactive and listen. Keep your communication simple, concrete and clear.

Jeff was thinking he was communicating effectively. However, he was the only one talking every time he was in conversation with another person – be it at meetings, one on one or on the phone. During his coaching, he realized he was long-winded and verbose in the way he communicated.

3. Confidence

Confidence is articulated in what you say and how you say it. Being self-confident doesn’t mean being self-centered and believing that you are the be all and end all to everything. Your words, facial expressions, body language, tone of voice all play an important part in the way others see you as confident or not.

#Confidence is also conveyed in the way you #listen. #communication

Click To Tweet

Part of confidence is about how charismatic you are. If you are distracted or too self-centered, you will not be able to connect with others.

4. Concentrate and Comprehend

Listen with your eyes and ears.

You listen for feeling, meaning, behavior in #empathetic #listening. #communication #EI

Click To Tweet

You sense what the other person is going through and you give your full undivided attention to your audience.

An effective and inspiring leader asks good questions and then listens with their eyes, ears, feeling and gives their full focus to their audience. You also look for the nonverbal cues. Sometimes a person’s facial expressions and body language will convey everything you need to know much more than their words.

Clearly, Jeff did not listen. Through coaching, he realized that even with his friends, he would ask a question and then interrupt them before they could complete a single sentence. He wanted to have a conversation with people but conversation was one way which was him talking continuously. My colleague, did the same by declaring her gift as the best and forcing people to do something without being empathetic to her audience. Her tone, body language and facial expressions were condescending and she did not give an opportunity to her audience to express their view-point.

5. Commitment

Say what you said you will do. Keep up your word. If you have delegated a task, provide an environment where you allow a person to grow and develop. By being a control freak, you will not gain the trust from others.

#Effective #communication is about how good are your inter-personal skills. #peopleskills #relationships

Click To Tweet

Communication is what you say and how you say and in all this no matter whether you are informing, convincing, engaging or having your audience take action, you should care for your audience. 

For one-on-one coaching, speaking, facilitation of workshops or training on communications and leadership, please connect. 

Work-Life Balance Or Work-Life Integration?

By Leave a Comment

“You are a OCD”. This was the remark I received from one of my colleagues when he heard that I try to make time to go to gym and yoga on a daily basis. I laughed it off and remarked, I enjoy being fit and thus make time for cardio, strength and some mindfulness on a daily basis. Don’t you feel like doing so? Well, I don’t find the time, was his remark.

⇒Is it not finding time or not having the inclination to make time?⇐

Work-life balance is one of the commonly faced challenges by executives – senior, mid-level managers in organizations, and business entrepreneurs and individual contributors. It continues to be one of the primary issues facing almost every leader.

What is work/life balance? Is it spending equal or balanced time on work and home?

Who determines the balance?

Is this balance scripted or something we have set expectations on?

For over 10 years, out of the two decades, that I had spent in the Corporate world, my day started at 5:30 am and did not finish till 9 pm. My days used to be packed and I did not find time to go to the gym till 8 or 9 pm. I used to get Saturdays and Sunday’s off. We had to take at least two weeks off for mandatory compliance reasons. There were other days I could not go to the gym or yoga and I had to find ways to keep myself energized. I have had times when I have had to waste my yearly vacation because there was so much happening in my work-world.

When I left the Corporate World, to pursue my dream of becoming a Leadership Coach and Facilitator I was aware of the risk and financial impact this would have. This also meant not taking holidays in the same way I was able to do before, working on Saturdays and on many occasions working on Sunday’s too. However, on the flip side, I have on many occasions been able to structure my day in the manner I want. I work late and if I don’t have early meetings or any trainings or workshops to facilitate, I wake up late. I used to feel guilty about this in my first year of this transition.

The guilt came from the fact that the standards and routines that I had set myself, I was not following. I started questioning my efficiency, and my productivity. This especially in my first year of this change lead to frustrations because a lot of time was spent on business develop,went, trying out things, learning ways to do things that I had never done before. So basically my day was unstructured and some things took more time than I had set for it.

I realized over time, that in fact it was not about my efficiency nor me wasting my time but  that I had to let go of the routines that I had set myself which worked, when I was in the Corporate World. I had to learn to let go of the rigidity and become more flexible in a day that consisted of business development, content preparation, reading, making calls and meeting clients and prospects on a day when I was not facilitating a training session.

In these three years, I have learnt to gradually let go of beliefs, practices and routines I used to live by. It is work in process because no day is the same.

Bottom-line, it is not about work-life balance but work-life #integration. #life #leadership

Click To Tweet

Each day is different and whether you are part of a structured corporate world or not, managing your day and time is essential and you need to be flexible about doing so. That is an imperative part of your work/life integration.

How can you achieve your work-life integration ?

 

1. Determine what is your personal vision

This is what you are in 3 months or 6 months’ time. Having a smaller vision for a month or 3 months within a broader vision is a good stepping stone to encourage you along the way.

Be aware about your core values and your actions and behaviors that reflects who you are to guide you on your journey to achieving your vision.  I had to set many smaller goals and still setting goals along my way to achieve my ultimate vision of making an impactful difference in people’s lives across the globe.

2. Prepare a list of nonnegotiable

These are the list of activities that enables you to be who you want to be. It could include “me” time (meditation, gym, walk), reflection, spending time with your kids and your partner, sleep time, spending time with your family and friends, keeping up your word on the deliverables you have promised.

If you have the #inclination, you’ll make the #time. #life #leadership

Click To Tweet

3. What are your daily, weekly and monthly must-do’s?

This is essential to achieve your nonnegotiable. Some of your nonnegotiable may have to be done daily, others weekly and yet some others fortnightly or monthly.

4. Review your list of nonnegotiable and other activities

Life’s journey is not the same daily, make your #choices count. #life #leadbyexample #leadfromwithin

Click To Tweet

Structures and routines you may have set for yourself may be outdated and irrelevant.

5. Let go and adapt

Because that is where the development and growth happens. Most successful people are able to harness their passions and reality with the power of their attitude and willingness and bring various parts of their life together to achieve what gives them fulfilment and satisfaction.

For further tips read “Top Five Questions On Work-Life Balance“

⇒How are you bringing work-life integration daily?⇐

Do You Want To Manage Your Work Life Integration better? Do You feel yourself overwhelmed? Do you want to move from stuck to unstuck? Please feel free to connect with me. Let’s have a chat 

For group coaching, facilitation of workshops, and/or one-on-one coaching please connect with me.