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What is Human About Empathy In Your Communication ?

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Without a doubt, you’ll agree that we need to be empathetic in the way we communicate.

Have you ever been frustrated and at your wit’s end by the way a person communicates with you?

I have wasted 45 minutes of my time on the phone with your customer service and now I call again and after selecting the right options, I am transferred to the switch board. “Sorry madam, since you asked for a specific person’s name, you got transferred to the switch board.” I asked for John because that is whom I was in conversation with before which he either disconnected the phone or the line was cut off. I don’t wish to repeat my story to another customer service after having spent 45 minutes on the phone with John, before that an entire week going back and forth on emails with your company and yet, the matter has not been resolved. So, can you please transfer me to John.

“Madam I understand, do you have John’s full name.” No I don’t. My name is Lalita Raman and my case no is xxxxx, if that helps.

This was my conversation with one of the international and renowned newspapers with whom I was trying to renew my on-line subscription.

The switch board operator heard me out patiently and mentioned he will try to find the person who had serviced me. After putting me on hold for 5-7 minutes, he said there is no one by the name of John but the person I had spoken to was Jomar and he was busy on the other line. I continued to express my frustration. Wilson, the switch board operator patiently listened to me and he said he could take my number down and said he will assure that Jomar gives me a call back within 20 minutes. At this point in time my irritation levels were super high. He then asked if he could have Jomar’s supervisor to speak with me since she was available and that she had been briefed on my query and the frustration over the level of service.

That response immediately calmed me down and I felt, wow, here is a person who has gone beyond his call of duty and not only understood my frustration but had made an effort to find out the person who serviced me, his supervisor’s name and had made sure that the supervisor was up to date on the issue that I was facing. That sense of understanding on his part brought my Amygdala under control. I thanked him.

I then spoke to the supervisor and she immediately said “Madam I apologize for your experience and I don’t want our company to lose you as a customer. My system is very slow so though you have already spent an immense amount of time on the phone and email with us, you’ll have to bear with me before I can get your details on the computer screen. What I can assure you is that I can give you a discount, the amount I can confirm once the system is up, and I will enquire into why your email was not responded to despite follow ups from your end. Madam, I would not like to be treated the way you were treated. Any time you need help, I am the supervisor on shift at night-time and I will be here. So please feel free to call or email me.”

I instantly connected with her because of the genuine interest she showed in me and my issue and her sincerity in helping me out.

I chatted with her for some time asking her why she always worked night shifts and how long she has been in her current role, etc.

Once her system was up she was able to confirm the amount, answer my query and she kept up her word of sending an email to me confirming the renewal amount, and that she will call me on July 30.

Why did I connect with her?

She cared for me and that was evident by the way she started her conversation with me and her honesty. She did not give the usual company one line clichés or slogans of “we are sorry for the inconvenience caused and we apologize. How can I help you?”

She understood what her company had put me through, my frustration and she took control of the situation by listening to understand and provide a solution that mattered to me. That was Human.

She not only listened with her ears but She showed EMPATHY. Deep listening is not only about hearing with our ears but connecting at a deeper level.

Why is Empathy Important – 7 Reasons

1. Emotion

We are emotional beings and no matter whom you are conversing with, be it your customer or colleague or boss or friend or a person assisting you at the supermarket check-out, remember that they are human.

Each of us have ups and downs in our day and understanding each other in that moment goes a long way in making an emotional connection. Both Wilson and the lady supervisor on shift connected with me because they understood what I was going through.

2. Mirror

Neuroscientist Giacomo Rizzolatti, MD, who with his colleagues at the University of Parma first identified mirror neurons, says that the neurons could help explain how and why we “read” other people’s minds and feel empathy for them. Mirror neurons are one key to understanding how human beings survive and thrive in a complex social world, says neuroscientist Vittorio Gallese, MD, PhD, one of Rizzolatti’s colleagues at the University of Parma. “It seems we’re wired to see other people as similar to us, rather than different,” Gallese says. “At the root, as humans we identify the person we’re facing as someone like ourselves.”

The supervisor felt and understood my pain and that was evident in the way she framed her conversation with me, which was full of sincerity. She proved she was committed by letting me know that she was sorry, she has a solution and that unfortunately I may have to wait a little longer because her system was slow. She did not offer any defense for the non-responsiveness from her colleagues, instead acknowledged, that the non-responsiveness was not something that should have happened.

3.Patience

I clearly had run out of patience and both Wilson and the lady supervisor were patient in listening to me and understanding what the issue was, to be able to resolve it. They sensed my agony and not only acknowledged that they understood it but articulated it in the action they took.

4. Aware

Listening is part of Communication. While listening you need to be aware of the emotions the other person is experiencing so that you can understand what they are going through and do whatever is necessary to help that person out. Wilson understood that I had wasted an immense amount of time and he made sure that the person to whom he was going to transfer the call already knew my agony so that I don’t have to repeat myself. That showed he was aware and he cared.

5. Tactful

In showing empathy, you need to be tactful in the way you communicate not only in your words but also in your tone and body language. The supervisor tactfully chose her words, her tone and an action which gave me an assurance that she was genuine and sincere.

6. Honest

Many customer services personnel are apologetic but their apology is a not well-meant or genuine. Both Wilson and the supervisor were honest about the reality, they accepted the reality and at the same time acted in my best interests and resolved my problem.

7.Yearn

Desire or wanting to help can only be proved by action and in this case both were true to their commitment. They wanted to help and they did help.

We live in the world of #communications and to truly #listen you need to understand and #empathize.

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. Using clichés, stereotype slogans and cheap humor is not the way to empathize.

Seek to #listen and #understand so that you connect with a person. #peopleskills

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With Empathy,

you are able to treat others the way they would want to be treated,

you’ll be able to better deal with negativity by understanding the fears and motivators of others and

you’ll be able to inspire, influence and persuade others.

For workshops, one-on-one coaching, facilitation, speaking, please connect. 

5 Surefire Ways To Build Authenticity

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Have you been at social gatherings, networking meetings, or at a friend’s house and an abrupt comment was made on you by someone whom you are meeting for the first time or by someone who barely knows you? Have you wondered why did the person say it? Was it because they felt like saying it or wanted to be part of a conversation or was it something else?

Who are we to pass judgments and inappropriate comments on anybody, especially, when we don’t know the other person or what they have gone through in life?

A friend of mine recently shared with me her unpleasant experience of being at the receiving end of an inappropriate comment. I resonated with that because, I recently heard a comment on my energy levels from a woman whom I barely knew.

Is it about showing that you are in the know, and have a right to pass any comment you choose to?

Is it about believing you are giving feedback?

Or is it about believing that you are “authentic”?

Authenticity is one of the most talked about and wanted traits in people, no matter what role they play. The growing dissatisfaction of people not walking their talk and the prevalence of airbrushed leadership and armchair advisors within organizations has created a vacuum and thus the need for authenticity.

#Authenticity is about confirmation to #facts, being #trustworthy, #genuine and #reliable.

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However, genuineness is not about being rude or inappropriate in the way you behave. Authenticity is a trait that is defined by what others see in you, what you do, what you say and who you are.

#Authenticity reflects who you are and it is not about an act. #leadfromwithin #leadership #personalbranding

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I heard a remark the other day, that “if I am authentic, I can say what I want because if I hide my real feelings then I am not being authentic.” Absolutely not! Authenticity is not about saying or doing or expressing your emotions in any manner you feel like.

It is about who do you like to be in front of others and what connects with that inner self of yours. You have to be attuned to the environment, be sensitive to cultures and in all that not lose your core self or identity.

Putting somebody down or showing your uncontrolled emotions especially the negative emotions is not how you can be genuine or authentic. In fact when you get into leadership roles within organizations, being blunt, rude and displaying an uncontrolled expression of your inner self is not going to be perceived well.

Authenticity has to be earned. How does one become authentic?

1. Manage the Perception

Consistency and walking your walk and talk is an essential part of establishing your authenticity. You need to live this in every moment of your life.

It is also about how you connect to others and relate to others. You have to adapt to the various situations and in all that be genuine and not put an act.

How are you being perceived by others in what you say, how you say, what you do and who you are?

Be true to yourself.

2. Become genuinely interested in other people.

This is one of Dale Carnegie’s Human Relations Principle which forms the core of Strengthening Relations and Influencing people.

The interest you show in others is not artificial and a show but needs to be genuine with the intention of connecting with others. We live life once, make an effort to connect from your heart with others and without any hidden agenda.

Get interested in others not to probe and interrogate but to #genuinely know them.

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3. Self -Awareness

Change is part of our lives and thus we need to adapt to situations. In the repertoire of roles that you play, adaptability is key. How well do you know yourself and know others? How well do you know yourself and others know about you?

The Johari Window is a great tool to help you better understand your relationship with yourself and others.

From Mindtoools.com

From Mindtoools.com

In every challenge that you face in life, how much are you willing to step out of your comfort zone ? What can you learn from the experiences that you have outside of your comfort zone ? How are you going to apply that in your self-awareness and self-disclosure?

4. Be Positive and Focus On The Positives

Through your transitions, adversities and challenges in life, what are you doing and being? Are you adopting a forward-thinking mentality and not being a person who complaints, criticizes, and condemns.

Do you take every action from the quick judgments you make on people? Being an optimistic realist will help you connect with people better. Respect other people’s space and their choices. You don’t have to impose your opinion on others or pass judgments on their lives.

If you are asked feedback or you are in a relationship where you can give feedback, let it be constructive and with evidence. Let it not be an opinionated sermon.

5. Believe-In and Adopt Diversity

Your personal views and opinions can never be that of another. If you have a difference of opinion with someone, disagree with respect. Let your disagreement be based on facts and evidence. Be a good listener and don’t dominate every conversation. Ask questions instead of giving orders. Adopt diversity in your thoughts, whom you have in your group because that is where growth and development takes place.

Authenticity is about understanding yourself and others to build an influential relationship.

For one-on-one coaching, speaking, group coaching, facilitation, please connect with me.

Work-Life Balance Or Work-Life Integration?

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“You are a OCD”. This was the remark I received from one of my colleagues when he heard that I try to make time to go to gym and yoga on a daily basis. I laughed it off and remarked, I enjoy being fit and thus make time for cardio, strength and some mindfulness on a daily basis. Don’t you feel like doing so? Well, I don’t find the time, was his remark.

⇒Is it not finding time or not having the inclination to make time?⇐

Work-life balance is one of the commonly faced challenges by executives – senior, mid-level managers in organizations, and business entrepreneurs and individual contributors. It continues to be one of the primary issues facing almost every leader.

What is work/life balance? Is it spending equal or balanced time on work and home?

Who determines the balance?

Is this balance scripted or something we have set expectations on?

For over 10 years, out of the two decades, that I had spent in the Corporate world, my day started at 5:30 am and did not finish till 9 pm. My days used to be packed and I did not find time to go to the gym till 8 or 9 pm. I used to get Saturdays and Sunday’s off. We had to take at least two weeks off for mandatory compliance reasons. There were other days I could not go to the gym or yoga and I had to find ways to keep myself energized. I have had times when I have had to waste my yearly vacation because there was so much happening in my work-world.

When I left the Corporate World, to pursue my dream of becoming a Leadership Coach and Facilitator I was aware of the risk and financial impact this would have. This also meant not taking holidays in the same way I was able to do before, working on Saturdays and on many occasions working on Sunday’s too. However, on the flip side, I have on many occasions been able to structure my day in the manner I want. I work late and if I don’t have early meetings or any trainings or workshops to facilitate, I wake up late. I used to feel guilty about this in my first year of this transition.

The guilt came from the fact that the standards and routines that I had set myself, I was not following. I started questioning my efficiency, and my productivity. This especially in my first year of this change lead to frustrations because a lot of time was spent on business develop,went, trying out things, learning ways to do things that I had never done before. So basically my day was unstructured and some things took more time than I had set for it.

I realized over time, that in fact it was not about my efficiency nor me wasting my time but  that I had to let go of the routines that I had set myself which worked, when I was in the Corporate World. I had to learn to let go of the rigidity and become more flexible in a day that consisted of business development, content preparation, reading, making calls and meeting clients and prospects on a day when I was not facilitating a training session.

In these three years, I have learnt to gradually let go of beliefs, practices and routines I used to live by. It is work in process because no day is the same.

Bottom-line, it is not about work-life balance but work-life #integration. #life #leadership

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Each day is different and whether you are part of a structured corporate world or not, managing your day and time is essential and you need to be flexible about doing so. That is an imperative part of your work/life integration.

How can you achieve your work-life integration ?

 

1. Determine what is your personal vision

This is what you are in 3 months or 6 months’ time. Having a smaller vision for a month or 3 months within a broader vision is a good stepping stone to encourage you along the way.

Be aware about your core values and your actions and behaviors that reflects who you are to guide you on your journey to achieving your vision.  I had to set many smaller goals and still setting goals along my way to achieve my ultimate vision of making an impactful difference in people’s lives across the globe.

2. Prepare a list of nonnegotiable

These are the list of activities that enables you to be who you want to be. It could include “me” time (meditation, gym, walk), reflection, spending time with your kids and your partner, sleep time, spending time with your family and friends, keeping up your word on the deliverables you have promised.

If you have the #inclination, you’ll make the #time. #life #leadership

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3. What are your daily, weekly and monthly must-do’s?

This is essential to achieve your nonnegotiable. Some of your nonnegotiable may have to be done daily, others weekly and yet some others fortnightly or monthly.

4. Review your list of nonnegotiable and other activities

Life’s journey is not the same daily, make your #choices count. #life #leadbyexample #leadfromwithin

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Structures and routines you may have set for yourself may be outdated and irrelevant.

5. Let go and adapt

Because that is where the development and growth happens. Most successful people are able to harness their passions and reality with the power of their attitude and willingness and bring various parts of their life together to achieve what gives them fulfilment and satisfaction.

For further tips read “Top Five Questions On Work-Life Balance“

⇒How are you bringing work-life integration daily?⇐

Do You Want To Manage Your Work Life Integration better? Do You feel yourself overwhelmed? Do you want to move from stuck to unstuck? Please feel free to connect with me. Let’s have a chat 

For group coaching, facilitation of workshops, and/or one-on-one coaching please connect with me.

Are You Ready To Unplug, Detach, Step Away from FOMO and Connect?

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Last Wednesday, I was speaking at the British Chamber of Commerce. The event was held at the British Consulate and for security reasons, they don’t allow any electronic devices during the event. For all those entering as visitors to the building, you are required to surrender all electronic equipment at the security. In fact, as a speaker you appreciate this because you get the undivided attention and engagement of the audience. It so happened, I forgot my iPhone on that day and realized only when I arrived at the venue. I didn’t allow that to bother me, I instead felt relieved that I didn’t have to bother giving my phone and worry about its safety since their locker will hold old models of iPhones or Samsung not the iPad, or the iPhone 6 or 6 plus or the latest Samsung 6 or a laptop.

The event ran for 90 minutes and after that I had to meet a colleague and friend of mine to discuss a workshop that we were going to deliver together. I rely on my phone to do almost 95% of my work from notes, reminders, calendars, documents, blog, and emails to other basic things that a phone is used for.

In discussions with her, I was missing my phone because I could not refer to the notes I had made nor was I able to jot down the quick discussion points.

At that time, I thought to myself … Surely I can rely on my memory to discuss the relevant points and I can jot down important points if necessary on a piece of paper.

Not having my phone initially made me feel handicapped and on the return to my office by bus, I definitely missed my phone, because I read books from my iPhone.

But once I told myself, let me be in this moment, I realized that I can live without it and the world is not coming to an end.

How many of us are victims of our mobile device? Do we constantly check our mobile and use that as an excuse to not connect with people who are in front of us?

In meetings, just because it is boring how many times have you picked up your mobile and tapped away messages on it, as if your response can’t wait?

As a leader, are you using your mobile

→as a way of pretending to be busy?
→with the fear of missing out?
→because you are bored
→to be constantly in the midst of things
→to be hands on
→to feel wanted

And if you are doing this, are you missing out from being a genuine leader that involves these key traits?

1. To appreciate

We appreciate you. A simple yet powerful morale booster. This statement speaks directly to the person or members of your team. This combined with evidence to support why they are being appreciated is even better.

2. You Matter

As human beings, we like attention irrespective of whether you are an extrovert or introvert. Each one of us like to be made to feel that we matter.

3. How can I help you ?

Instead of telling someone in your team, something needs to be done and not bothering to ask why they were not able to get to their goal, try something different – let’s work on achieving this and how can I help you?

4. Thank you

Silent #gratitude is as good as no gratitude. #appreciation #peopleskills #littlethingsthatmatter

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A genuine #thankyou goes a long way in connecting with others and making them feel #appreciated.

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5. To Show Up

Are you showing up fully for yourself and for the team you lead? If you are not mindful and present as a leader, it is unlikely you will be an inspiration to others.

6. To Listen

#Listen because that is the only way you’ll #understand and #empathize

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Your observation and listening skills will enable you to connect in a more meaningful way to your team members. 

The best #gift you can give someone is your #time and your undivided #attention.

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7. To Communicate and Connect

Are you being an impactful communicator no matter the medium? Do you make an effort to connect and know those in your team and around you? Be there for others through adversities and good times.

Connect with your team and people who matter. Don’t forget to acknowledge somebody who is in front of you because you are busy with your mobile.

There is a time and place for everything. Use it appropriately. #leadfromwithin #respect #peopleskills #courtesy

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Questions to Reflect

⇒What are some of the ways you can connect with people?
⇒How do you engage with your team members?
⇒How do you lead by example?
⇒What are some of the values you are building in your organization?

For one-on-one coaching, workshops, training, group coaching and/or speaking, let’s connect.

How To Have A POSITIVE ATTITUDE

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The Gym TRX class starts at 11am on Sunday and two people walk in at 11:15 and their body language was such that they didn’t even look apologetic for being late. Despite being told that they are late and they can’t enter the class, they stomp in, ignoring the instructor’s request.

Eric who has just taken over as the Asia-Pacific sales head for his company, tells the new intern in his team that he has to get Eric’s breakfast sharp at 8 am daily.

If I can’t get that, you can’t get that too! This was Sylvia’s inner thought that was dictating the attitude that she was showing her friend who was looking bewildered.

It has been said that people don’t care how much we know until they know how much we care. Click To Tweet. This indicates the importance of demonstrating a respectful and caring attitude. Be it in sales or in any role, your credibility can be established by how much you know and your accomplishments but what finally allows your reputation to be built is having the right attitude. Click To Tweet

⇒How does bad attitude look and sound ? 

Responsibility Is A Choice

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I was at a lobby of a hotel last week waiting for a business meeting and I happened to hear a rather interesting conversation between a young lady and the guest relations manager of the hotel. As the lady was getting up to see something that the guest relations manager was showing, she collected her belongings at which point the manager mentioned to her, “Ma’am don’t worry about your belongings. They are safe.” The lady smiled, thanked him and said “I understand sir, but I rather be responsible for my belongings and what happens to it instead of entrusting them to someone else.”

Responsibility, I thought, was well-defined by this lady.

Responsibility

→Is having an obligation to do something and doing it. If you are accountable you need to be responsible. Responsibility can be shared but not accountability.

→Is taking care of your thoughts, actions and duties and

→Is answering for your words and actions.

    No matter whether you are at work, walking on the road, at the gym, on holiday or interacting on social media.

Responsibility is a word that equals Respons(e) + (A)bility. Each of us have the ability to make a choice. “A choice” for the response we give to each situation or events that take place in the journey called life.

Choose to take the actions that create the results that you will desire if they were applied on you.

How can we be responsible?

1. Not to shine your own light by dimming someone else’s. This applies to every aspect of your life.

2. For every stimulus, you respond to, you have the power to choose how you want to live your life and behave in every moment in the space that you occupy.

3. You are the only person who is responsible for your thoughts and decisions. Integrity, compassion, empathy, attitude control are important elements of responsibility and it doesn’t matter what role you play in your life. Attitude control is part of your responsibility.

4. When you hire people hold them accountable for their actions or inactions.

5. Do not assume and do not make generalizations and resort to stereotyping.

Life goes on…. And you must take personal responsibility because that is within your control.

“You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of- Jim Rohn.

How Do You “LET GO”

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Life is the best teacher, a friend, a soul mate. She teaches you what none others can teach and it is in living life through the challenges she throws at us is what makes life.

There are things in life you can’t hold on for ever and life isn’t for ever either. Life from the day you are born, moment by moment, tells you to let go. Nothing lasts forever, you are at this stage in your life because you have let go of your childhood, your youth, some of your age-old habits and idiosyncrasies. Through the years of your life to date, you may have different ways of doing things, you may have changed your job, your career or possibly even some of your relationships that were not working for you.

In each of the transitions in life be it natural, by accident or by choice, you have been able to move forward because you have let go of something. Yet, there are modes in your lives where you continue to grip on some things that you expect to last forever. You refuse to Let Go.

This could apply to your relationships, projects that you have put your heart and soul and yet don’t see the desired results, business venture that you are passionate about but ROI tells you otherwise, your behavior at work or socially, and may be aspects of your overall being.

What is the emotion you undergo when you refuse to let go?

  • Fear of the unknown
  • uncertainty
  • perspective of failure in your mind
  • discomfort
  • denial to see the benefits
  • negativity
  • love the perceived sense of control

Destiny isn’t always good and be it in some paths chosen in relationships or with respect to our professional life, you have to let go and consider the people and the opportunities in those paths as lessons learnt for better things in future. You may say easier said than done.

♠Letting Go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.♠

I’ve found that the more I cling to outcomes and things, the more I create an anchor that drains my energy and in turn I discourage myself.

So how can you help yourself Let Go?

1. Internal conversations – each of us have a conversation that we have with ourselves. This could be self talk or negative talk. Your thoughts control your feelings and these feelings translates into your internal conversations. Your brain drives your behavior from your internal conversations.

♣What are you telling yourself when you hold back from letting go ?

2. Labeling Emotion – each time you struggle with the idea of letting go, stop to reflect. Do you understand your emotions and beliefs? Why do you think that way? Try to label the emotion (could be fear, anxiety, uncertainty, failure) associated with the struggle of letting go – this helps to calm your brain and focus on action forward.

♣Do you tend to dwell on what used to be that is distracting you from taking the necessary action to move you forward?
♣Do you tend to complain and take no action to see what can be done differently to achieve desired outcomes?

Our brains are geared to rewards and thus expecting desired outcomes from our efforts is but natural. However, consuming yourself with the negative outcome only results in frustration and negative emotions. Instead, when something doesn’t go as per your expectations, train your mind to view this circumstance as a chance to learn something you didn’t know. Every experience teaches you something and it a matter of consciously looking at it from a perspective that helps you to move forward.

♣Learning to understand your emotions, reflection on your actions and the experience sets the path for refocusing your energy and “letting go” less painful.

3. Reframe – Do you reflect and once you reflect do you reframe the situation by finding out what’s really going on?

Our brains are constantly on the lookout to move towards what it perceives as a reward and away from what it perceives as a threat. And is five times more likely to perceive something unknown as a threat than a reward. This possibly explains many disquieting parts of our life. Certainty concerns being in the know. Being able to predict gives us that feeling of control and certainty. Without prediction our brain needs to use a lot more energy intensive PFC. In today’s fast paced global world, it is becoming more difficult to anticipate what’s next. To fuel this uncertainty is our own beliefs and biases as to how we perceive a situation. All this makes letting go more difficult.

♣Reframing a situation helps you to manage your beliefs, your perception and your feelings. It helps you to look at situations from a different context and not narrow yourself to your own bias.♣

4. Criticism – do you criticize yourself and everyone else, every time something doesn’t go as per your plan. Does this stop you from letting go of unfair expectations of yourself and others ? Life is a roller coaster and not perfect. Letting go eases your agony that you put yourself through by engaging in “blame game” and “know it all”. When you catch yourself thinking and behaving in a manner that signifies that you know everything and have little tolerance to any new ideas or methods, it is time to stop and reflect.

♣How flexible are you to expand your mind and go out of your comfort zone?

5. Control Freak – one of the common hurdles to letting go. Each of us are unique and have our contribution to make. We can control out behavior, our choices but how others act or behave is outside our control. Positive change occurs when you decide to let go of control over everything in your life and work.

Imagine you are on your way to an appointment at 3 pm. You leave well ahead of time. However you get caught in a nasty traffic jam. You try to change lanes, honk, curse, get agitated and yet nothing changes. Each time you succeed at changing lanes, your frustration increases because you realize that the new lane is no better. There are many situations similar to this which are beyond your control in your day-to-day life. You cannot have everything you want despite your efforts to make it a success. Let go or else you get caught in a negative vicious cycle.

6. Negativity – negativity breeds negativity and saps your energy. Your surroundings in terms of the people you are with matters to your overall being. There are some people in this world who are full of negative energy and drain you. There are others who provide soul food and are full of positivity and energy. Be with people who support you, challenge you but help you grow. Let go of relationships that jeopardize your being and don’t accept you for what you are.

♣What would you experience if you surround yourself with people who believe in you and help you get better in what you do? 

♣What would it be like if you spend more time with people who have positive vibes and make you feel valued?

Letting go is difficult when we allow ourselves to be overly attached to outcomes, when we have given our heart and soul to some relationships. My own journey of having to let go of things and relationships which weren’t working for me hasn’t been easy. What has helped me in the journey of life is to reflect, reframe and think about the way forward and believe in myself. Gearing my brain towards the rewards associated with the new path helps ease the pain that I associate with letting go.

I’ve learnt and am still learning to be willing to open up to possibility, learn new ways, grow in effectiveness by LETTING GO.

→If you “Let Go,” it does not mean you are giving up but you make a choice to take a different path to your ultimate vision.←

How do you Let Go?

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Do You Make Judgements and Stereotype in the First 60 Seconds?

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Elevator speeches and the necessity to impress someone or a group of people has become the call of the day.

How many times have you judged, hated, or been impressed by someone in less than a minute? So if someone whom you were meeting for the first time were to walk in with a fast pace, looked pre-occupied with something, didn’t really spend time on niceties like how are you, how was your day, and didn’t leave any time for detailed discussion as you are going through the meeting, would you  judge that person to be arrogant, overconfident, impatient and curt?

Even in social media we make judgment about people by looking at the number of followers that each one has. Some people are desperate to get the attention of those who have several followers or have been featured in some write-up that someone on Twitter has done about them and included them in Some Top 50 or 75 lists. An assumption is made by most people, that all those who have appeared in such lists, or have a lot of followers, have a good character and are kind. Sounds familiar? Yes so we judge and get judged in a minute or less.

An elevator speech may be very good but the follow through & delivery may not necessarily follow the impressive Elevator Speech.

So what is important for you to know when you meet someone for the first time and this could be an interview, a meeting with a potential business client, a presentation or a stranger who could turn out to be your friend, or client

  1. How you dress is important and even on Social Media many forget that they can’t show a bad Display Pictures or pictures that don’t represent them. Though you don’t have to be branded from top to toe or bedecked in jewelry or wear revealing clothes how you dress and what you wear is very important.
  2. How you walk into an interview or meeting as well as your body language is something that a lot of people tend to underestimate.
  3. It is not necessary to put on an accent. Be authentic & present your view-point succinctly & with clarity . There is no necessity to be rude nor put on a mask.
  4. One could be dressed well but yet many spoil the show when they open their mouth – words used and the tone of your voice is as important as how you look.
  5. Your facial expressions need to convey your authenticity.

The first impression  is important but you have to follow through with content and substance and have a good closure. What you say has to be consistent with what you do and no matter even if you have managed to impress someone in the first minute or so, if you don’t walk your talk you’ll surely cut a sorry figure.

What can you do as an observer? When you meet someone for the first time make observations, go with your gut feel but don’t jump to conclusions in the first minute. You may have someone who seems to be in a hurry and brusque but may be a person full of kindness & gratitude. Engage the person in the conversation before you judge.

Let me share with you a story – one of my friends (now) who was an ex colleague of mine, when I was working with one of the companies was visibly upset at the first second he saw me even before introductions. He always avoided me, was rather rude in his response if I ever asked him anything & whilst it was a regular practice to have a brief meeting with most of your colleagues in the first few weeks, he always came up with an excuse for not meeting me.  The irony was some people really liked him but there were others who were too scared of him. His behavior did strike me as strange and intrigued me. I was eager to get to know him but after trying very hard for a few months, I decided to step back.

I did judge him but my intuition kept telling me otherwise. Days went by, we got talking to each other, our interactions increased but he was always very brusque when he started talking to me. We parted ways going to different organizations and our paths crossed again in another organization. His behavior was completely the opposite. He gave me the insight about this new firm, called me out for a drink. One day I asked him why his behavior towards me had changed dramatically in that he was so pleasant & friendly. To my surprise he said oh!  “I was upset that you were brought in at a higher rank to me when you joined that organization”. “But over time, I figured out that I was showing the anger on the wrong person. I started liking your style and your ideas, and now with both of us again crossing paths I decided I should make up for the bad behavior”.

Many times some people may behave in a particular way because they are judging you by your title or your connections or position.  This incident taught me that I should not necessarily judge and more importantly write off someone by the way they behave. Yes, we have short attention span and it is important to have elevator speeches but let’s not be in a hurry to assess someone in less than a minute.

“Think not I am what I appear.” Byron, Lord

Do you think that the first minute impressions are valid?

Is it right to make a judgement based on first impressions?

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