focus | Little Things That Matter

This weekend, after finishing my workout, I was lost in my thoughts and reflections and I walked out of the gym little realizing, that I had forgotten my workout clothes at the gym. I go to the gym and yoga daily and this was the first time I had forgotten my gym gear. I was bothered on two counts, 1) how could I forget, when I had not forgotten to date and 2) I had picked up a new workout gear and that was the first day I had tried it out and thus didn’t want to lose it. I must have in my mind played several times about how could I forget?

I had to break out of this guilt feeling and from my inner critique trying to put me down. I decided to take a step back and asked myself what is the worst that could happen ?

In the process of stepping out of my critical self, I realized there is a first time for everything – exciting things and experiences that you learn lessons from.

There is a First time:

In our new job
To fall in love
To dance
To cook
To be a boss
To be a speaker
To lose our phone
To forget an important birthday and the list continues

My first time to forget something in the gym is part of this list as well.

The first time for everything is filled with various emotions of excitement, fear, disappointment, self-criticism, hope.

Your fear possibly comes from the fear of loss, or failure or doing something wrong and thinking about what impression you would make on somebody in that first time. The stress caused by over thinking and over analyzing the situation is not worth it. It is like adding fuel to the fire. [Tweet “#Worrying about the situation is not going to help you achieve the desired outcome of the situation. #fear]

What are some of the steps you can take ?

1. Stop worrying

You are not going to do something better because you worry and stress about it. Anxiety to some extent is good because it will help you do better. However, over stress and nervousness is not an impetus to better your performance. I was worrying about forgetting something and possibly losing it. The stress that I put myself through is not going to help me bring back the thing nor stop me from forgetting something else next time.

2. Perfection or build towards excellence

When we are engaged in doing something for the first time, we want to attain perfection. However, perfection is a myth that is in our own minds.

I was delivering a workshop on Executive Presence last week and I heard from one of the participants as to how stressed she was because she was making a presentation for the first time in front of a senior group of executives within her firm. A conversation with her revealed that the stress that she put herself through to be perfect didn’t help her and in fact the audience members were not in any way assessing her or being demanding. She had let herself imagine about situations which didn’t exist.

We can strive towards #excellence and seek to improve each time. #leadership #leadbyexample #trust

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We learn from our mistakes and be it driving for the first time or making a presentation, stressing about perfection is not going to make us deliver the results we seek.

3. Focus

We make first impressions of others within the first 5-10 seconds of noticing someone. No matter what you do, first impression is already formed. If you focus on what others are going to think of you, your focus will be diverted from what you want to deliver and the end result may be something far from your expectation and in turn may also give adequate ammunition for others to form a bad impression on you.

Stop thinking of what others will think of you.

#Focus on what you need to do. #Believe in yourself. #mindset #attitude

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4.Do first things often because it allows you to challenge yourself

We get into cruise control and in our comfort zone. If you stay too long within your comfort zone, you get complacent and deny yourself the ability to grow and move towards excellence. Try new things often so that you don’t forget what it is to feel uncomfortable, and in that process to learn, challenge yourself, grow and build your Executive Presence.

5.Plan and prepare

Plan and prepare whether you are doing something for the first time or not.

#Prepare yourself for “the what” and trust yourself to deal with “the how”. #leadership #life

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Planning and preparation is essential and don’t make the mistake of over doing it, because that may not allow you to be present in the moment to deal with what happens then.

6. Reflect and learn

Reflecting on what went well, what did I learn, what could I have done different helps me to move forward. When things don’t go as per your expectation, you may tend to focus on what you did wrong and on the negatives. I blamed myself for having forgotten my gym gear, and that negativity didn’t help me to focus on things that followed after I left the gym. When I focused on what I learnt from that experience, my mindset changed and I was able to focus on the tasks that I was doing thereafter.

7.Let go

By letting go you give yourself permission to be in the moment and to #focus on things that need your attention. #mindfulness #life #leadership.

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One of my yoga instructors in her class mentions and I quote “your body can take on this challenge and do it, your mind believes you can’t do. Focus on your breathing and believe you can do it”. When I go with the flow, and not allow my mind to wander, I am able to achieve what needs to be done and this is true in yoga, work and life.

When we fear about what the end may look like be it on a new job, new task, presentation, forgetting something we lose focus on the now. Focus on the journey and not the end, to deliver the results you want.

By allowing our mind to control us, we constantly live in conjectures. Letting go is difficult and yet when done achieves results you seek.

I got my gym gear back and I learnt that worry was unnecessary and that I need to let go more often. I also learnt that I do know how to let go though my mind may make me believe that it is not easy.

Life is an unknown path and we tend to underestimate her. Certainty is good and life is not a certain path, so one way to enjoy life is to go with the flow and let yourself be. Every day is a different day and life is not a mathematics formula.

How do you deal with doing things the first time?

What have you learnt from your first time experiences?

To build your executive presence, leadership and sales skills, please Connect with me for coaching, speaking or workshops.

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Life is the best teacher, a friend, a soul mate. She teaches you what none others can teach and it is in living life through the challenges she throws at us is what makes life.

There are things in life you can’t hold on for ever and life isn’t for ever either. Life from the day you are born, moment by moment, tells you to let go. Nothing lasts forever, you are at this stage in your life because you have let go of your childhood, your youth, some of your age-old habits and idiosyncrasies. Through the years of your life to date, you may have different ways of doing things, you may have changed your job, your career or possibly even some of your relationships that were not working for you.

In each of the transitions in life be it natural, by accident or by choice, you have been able to move forward because you have let go of something. Yet, there are modes in your lives where you continue to grip on some things that you expect to last forever. You refuse to Let Go.

This could apply to your relationships, projects that you have put your heart and soul and yet don’t see the desired results, business venture that you are passionate about but ROI tells you otherwise, your behavior at work or socially, and may be aspects of your overall being.

What is the emotion you undergo when you refuse to let go?

Fear of the unknown
uncertainty
perspective of failure in your mind
discomfort
denial to see the benefits
negativity
love the perceived sense of control

Destiny isn’t always good and be it in some paths chosen in relationships or with respect to our professional life, you have to let go and consider the people and the opportunities in those paths as lessons learnt for better things in future. You may say easier said than done.

♠Letting Go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.♠

I’ve found that the more I cling to outcomes and things, the more I create an anchor that drains my energy and in turn I discourage myself.

So how can you help yourself Let Go?

1. Internal conversations – each of us have a conversation that we have with ourselves. This could be self talk or negative talk. Your thoughts control your feelings and these feelings translates into your internal conversations. Your brain drives your behavior from your internal conversations.

♣What are you telling yourself when you hold back from letting go ?

2. Labeling Emotion – each time you struggle with the idea of letting go, stop to reflect. Do you understand your emotions and beliefs? Why do you think that way? Try to label the emotion (could be fear, anxiety, uncertainty, failure) associated with the struggle of letting go – this helps to calm your brain and focus on action forward.

♣Do you tend to dwell on what used to be that is distracting you from taking the necessary action to move you forward?
♣Do you tend to complain and take no action to see what can be done differently to achieve desired outcomes?

Our brains are geared to rewards and thus expecting desired outcomes from our efforts is but natural. However, consuming yourself with the negative outcome only results in frustration and negative emotions. Instead, when something doesn’t go as per your expectations, train your mind to view this circumstance as a chance to learn something you didn’t know. Every experience teaches you something and it a matter of consciously looking at it from a perspective that helps you to move forward.

♣Learning to understand your emotions, reflection on your actions and the experience sets the path for refocusing your energy and “letting go” less painful.

3. Reframe – Do you reflect and once you reflect do you reframe the situation by finding out what’s really going on?

Our brains are constantly on the lookout to move towards what it perceives as a reward and away from what it perceives as a threat. And is five times more likely to perceive something unknown as a threat than a reward. This possibly explains many disquieting parts of our life. Certainty concerns being in the know. Being able to predict gives us that feeling of control and certainty. Without prediction our brain needs to use a lot more energy intensive PFC. In today’s fast paced global world, it is becoming more difficult to anticipate what’s next. To fuel this uncertainty is our own beliefs and biases as to how we perceive a situation. All this makes letting go more difficult.

♣Reframing a situation helps you to manage your beliefs, your perception and your feelings. It helps you to look at situations from a different context and not narrow yourself to your own bias.♣

4. Criticism – do you criticize yourself and everyone else, every time something doesn’t go as per your plan. Does this stop you from letting go of unfair expectations of yourself and others ? Life is a roller coaster and not perfect. Letting go eases your agony that you put yourself through by engaging in “blame game” and “know it all”. When you catch yourself thinking and behaving in a manner that signifies that you know everything and have little tolerance to any new ideas or methods, it is time to stop and reflect.

♣How flexible are you to expand your mind and go out of your comfort zone?

5. Control Freak – one of the common hurdles to letting go. Each of us are unique and have our contribution to make. We can control out behavior, our choices but how others act or behave is outside our control. Positive change occurs when you decide to let go of control over everything in your life and work.

Imagine you are on your way to an appointment at 3 pm. You leave well ahead of time. However you get caught in a nasty traffic jam. You try to change lanes, honk, curse, get agitated and yet nothing changes. Each time you succeed at changing lanes, your frustration increases because you realize that the new lane is no better. There are many situations similar to this which are beyond your control in your day-to-day life. You cannot have everything you want despite your efforts to make it a success. Let go or else you get caught in a negative vicious cycle.

6. Negativity – negativity breeds negativity and saps your energy. Your surroundings in terms of the people you are with matters to your overall being. There are some people in this world who are full of negative energy and drain you. There are others who provide soul food and are full of positivity and energy. Be with people who support you, challenge you but help you grow. Let go of relationships that jeopardize your being and don’t accept you for what you are.

♣What would you experience if you surround yourself with people who believe in you and help you get better in what you do?

♣What would it be like if you spend more time with people who have positive vibes and make you feel valued?

Letting go is difficult when we allow ourselves to be overly attached to outcomes, when we have given our heart and soul to some relationships. My own journey of having to let go of things and relationships which weren’t working for me hasn’t been easy. What has helped me in the journey of life is to reflect, reframe and think about the way forward and believe in myself. Gearing my brain towards the rewards associated with the new path helps ease the pain that I associate with letting go.

I’ve learnt and am still learning to be willing to open up to possibility, learn new ways, grow in effectiveness by LETTING GO.

→If you “Let Go,” it does not mean you are giving up but you make a choice to take a different path to your ultimate vision.←

How do you Let Go?

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7 Better Ways To Prepare For “The First Time Experiences”