excellence | Little Things That Matter

7 Better Ways To Prepare For “The First Time Experiences”

14 May 2015 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

This weekend, after finishing my workout, I was lost in my thoughts and reflections and I walked out of the gym little realizing, that I had forgotten my workout clothes at the gym. I go to the gym and yoga daily and this was the first time I had forgotten my gym gear. I was bothered on two counts, 1) how could I forget, when I had not forgotten to date and 2) I had picked up a new workout gear and that was the first day I had tried it out and thus didn’t want to lose it. I must have in my mind played several times about how could I forget?

I had to break out of this guilt feeling and from my inner critique trying to put me down. I decided to take a step back and asked myself what is the worst that could happen ?

In the process of stepping out of my critical self, I realized there is a first time for everything – exciting things and experiences that you learn lessons from.

There is a First time:

In our new job
To fall in love
To dance
To cook
To be a boss
To be a speaker
To lose our phone
To forget an important birthday and the list continues

My first time to forget something in the gym is part of this list as well.

The first time for everything is filled with various emotions of excitement, fear, disappointment, self-criticism, hope.

Your fear possibly comes from the fear of loss, or failure or doing something wrong and thinking about what impression you would make on somebody in that first time. The stress caused by over thinking and over analyzing the situation is not worth it. It is like adding fuel to the fire. [Tweet “#Worrying about the situation is not going to help you achieve the desired outcome of the situation. #fear]

What are some of the steps you can take ?

1. Stop worrying

You are not going to do something better because you worry and stress about it. Anxiety to some extent is good because it will help you do better. However, over stress and nervousness is not an impetus to better your performance. I was worrying about forgetting something and possibly losing it. The stress that I put myself through is not going to help me bring back the thing nor stop me from forgetting something else next time.

2. Perfection or build towards excellence

When we are engaged in doing something for the first time, we want to attain perfection. However, perfection is a myth that is in our own minds.

I was delivering a workshop on Executive Presence last week and I heard from one of the participants as to how stressed she was because she was making a presentation for the first time in front of a senior group of executives within her firm. A conversation with her revealed that the stress that she put herself through to be perfect didn’t help her and in fact the audience members were not in any way assessing her or being demanding. She had let herself imagine about situations which didn’t exist.

We can strive towards #excellence and seek to improve each time. #leadership #leadbyexample #trust

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We learn from our mistakes and be it driving for the first time or making a presentation, stressing about perfection is not going to make us deliver the results we seek.

3. Focus

We make first impressions of others within the first 5-10 seconds of noticing someone. No matter what you do, first impression is already formed. If you focus on what others are going to think of you, your focus will be diverted from what you want to deliver and the end result may be something far from your expectation and in turn may also give adequate ammunition for others to form a bad impression on you.

Stop thinking of what others will think of you.

#Focus on what you need to do. #Believe in yourself. #mindset #attitude

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4.Do first things often because it allows you to challenge yourself

We get into cruise control and in our comfort zone. If you stay too long within your comfort zone, you get complacent and deny yourself the ability to grow and move towards excellence. Try new things often so that you don’t forget what it is to feel uncomfortable, and in that process to learn, challenge yourself, grow and build your Executive Presence.

5.Plan and prepare

Plan and prepare whether you are doing something for the first time or not.

#Prepare yourself for “the what” and trust yourself to deal with “the how”. #leadership #life

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Planning and preparation is essential and don’t make the mistake of over doing it, because that may not allow you to be present in the moment to deal with what happens then.

6. Reflect and learn

Reflecting on what went well, what did I learn, what could I have done different helps me to move forward. When things don’t go as per your expectation, you may tend to focus on what you did wrong and on the negatives. I blamed myself for having forgotten my gym gear, and that negativity didn’t help me to focus on things that followed after I left the gym. When I focused on what I learnt from that experience, my mindset changed and I was able to focus on the tasks that I was doing thereafter.

7.Let go

By letting go you give yourself permission to be in the moment and to #focus on things that need your attention. #mindfulness #life #leadership.

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One of my yoga instructors in her class mentions and I quote “your body can take on this challenge and do it, your mind believes you can’t do. Focus on your breathing and believe you can do it”. When I go with the flow, and not allow my mind to wander, I am able to achieve what needs to be done and this is true in yoga, work and life.

When we fear about what the end may look like be it on a new job, new task, presentation, forgetting something we lose focus on the now. Focus on the journey and not the end, to deliver the results you want.

By allowing our mind to control us, we constantly live in conjectures. Letting go is difficult and yet when done achieves results you seek.

I got my gym gear back and I learnt that worry was unnecessary and that I need to let go more often. I also learnt that I do know how to let go though my mind may make me believe that it is not easy.

Life is an unknown path and we tend to underestimate her. Certainty is good and life is not a certain path, so one way to enjoy life is to go with the flow and let yourself be. Every day is a different day and life is not a mathematics formula.

How do you deal with doing things the first time?

What have you learnt from your first time experiences?

To build your executive presence, leadership and sales skills, please Connect with me for coaching, speaking or workshops.

Do you feel your energy is sapped and your enthusiasm is diving down? Buy your copy of Energize Your Leadership Today and reconnect with yourself through the 16 real stories in this book which I have co-authored with 15 others around the globe.

5 Creative Ways To “Just Do It”

11 February 2015 By Lalita Raman 2 Comments

“There is no way I can do this.”

“I admire you for being so courageous, I doubt if I ever can be like you”.

How many times have you uttered those words out loud or had thoughts similar to those? More importantly, how many times have these inner thoughts been so loud that they have stopped you from pursuing creative thinking or coming up with fresh ideas?

All of us have these little voices or the inner gremlin sitting on our shoulder, at various intensities at various points of time in our lives telling us we’re not good enough or we don’t deserve what we have got or we are not capable.

These voices of self-doubt or inner critique stop you in your pursuit of excellence and from your growth and development.

How do you face your inner gremlin and tell her or him to shut up ?

How do you unplug your fears and “Just Do It”?

1. Clarity

Clarity of purpose is a great guide to achieving what you set out to do so. That inner guide reminds you of your purpose and why you do what you do. Do you have clarity on your purpose ?

2. Listen

When the little voice is a deal stopper, listen up. Listen to what it is telling you. Write it down and don’t dwell on it at that moment. Walk away. Come back and read it.

3. What is the worst that can happen ?

When you read what you have written, evaluate objectively what is the worst case scenario ? Is there any truth in your fear ? What happened when you faced a similar fear last time ? How did you get over it ? What did you do well ? What lessons did you learn?

4. Truth

Once you have identified the worst case scenario and there is some credence to your fear, ask how can you better from the worst case scenario ? What do you need to do to achieve the desired results and improve from the worst case scenario?

5.Self-Confidence

To enhance your self-confidence, you need to stop worrying and ask yourself how much is the price you are willing to pay for worrying and is it worth it? Self-confidence is built from self-acceptance and by identifying your strengths and achievements in the past. How did you overcome your last challenge?

Get support from a coach or a mentor to assist you in where you want to be.

Your fear and self-doubt is the truth, if you give power to it.

In your pursuit of #excellence and #quality, let go of your fears and #JustDOIt. #leadfromwithin

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Believe in yourself and work towards improving yourself on a daily basis. #leadfromwithin #self-confidence #fears

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How are you breaking from your fears and doubts and setting yourself on the path to success?

For one-on-one coaching, speaking, training and/or group workshops, let’s connect.

9 Essentials To Integrity

24 February 2012 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

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When we are born, most of us are given a suitcase full of standards, acceptable behavior, things to learn, emotions, values & a whole load of do’s and don’ts. As we grow and progress in life we keep adding or throwing away some contents of this suitcase. Each of us thus become a product of the choices we have made or that we have consciously decided not to make.

In my case, when I was growing up, one of the principles in my house was that we had to tell the truth and that was one of the standards set as part of my suitcase. Lying, was something that was not acceptable no matter how painful it may be to speak the truth.

Children need rules to learn the difference between right and wrong. To a child, the difference between truth and lies is as crystal clear as the difference between black and white. However as we grow older, the concept of truth many times attains a different connotation and stating a small white lie or not stating some key facts might be considered appropriate in our own minds.

However, the problem is that each of us have different standards on why, what, when, and how we choose to state the truth or shade it. Integrity thus is sacrificed many times, though each human being may consider it as part of their integral values.

What is Integrity – To me it is the Congruence of I Believe, I Value, I Think, I Feel, I Say, I Do.

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I N T E G R I T Y is:

Inner realization– There is a self-awareness of each of our actions and these actions are not just to please the outside world but one which satisfies our inner conscience.

Natural – To be You rather than someone else artificial and manufactured and be comfortable in your own skin. I stay true to myself and my style & I am always pushing myself to be aware of that & be original.

Trust– can be built and earned only if our audio and video is in sync. We have to walk the talk rather than talk the talk. Trust is a plant of slow growth and built over time by being consistent and reliable.

Excellent – Be outstanding in whatever you do. Setting standards in all we do and consistently following these standards.

Good– Be Kind, show gratitude and spread the good word and deed.

Respect- The measure of a man’s real character is what he would do if he knew he never would be found out. It is better to be respected than liked

Involvement – Let your Actions speak louder than words and be inspiring. Each of us must lead by example.

Thoughtful– Treat everyone just like the way you would like to be treated.

Yes to each of the above

It is important to nurture and maintain integrity in whatever we seek to believe, value, think, be, and do just like when you make the decision to plant a new seed and water it daily and take care even after the seed grows to a plant

Bottom-line Integrity once lost or compromised beyond recognition is very difficult to rebuild.

What does Integrity Mean to You. Please feel free to add your point of view in the comments section below. Thank you.

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7 Better Ways To Prepare For “The First Time Experiences”