Appreciation | Little Things That Matter

Top Six Qualities Of Being A Leader

4 August 2016 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

It takes Courage to become old. This is what a friend of mine stated as she was recollecting what her mother had mentioned to her when she was alive. We were both having a conversation on our parents, their health and on life in general. As I was going home, the words that “It takes courage to become old” kept ringing in my ears.

I was thinking about my parents and what they have been through recently and my mom’s fight with Parkinsons’. Despite my Dad’s recent illness, his will power to look at life on a bright side and my mom’s innate ability to deal relentlessly with the challenges thrown by Parkinson’s are inspiring. Despite her down moments, I admire her resilience.

Throughout our life, there are many of us who wonder if we are leaders, are we inspiring others, are we motivating others. Yet, we forget that who we are, what we do, how we behave and how we deal with the downs of life, if done right, can be a leading example to many.

What is key to Who You Are ?

1.Your Attitude

You need to believe in yourself and you are stronger than you think. This is a matter of your attitude. Life’s events can be daunting and many moments may be such that you want to give up. I have learnt from my parents that you cannot allow yourself to be defined by what gets given to you- let life’s moments not define you, you can define life’s moments by the attitude you take. Many of life’s moments are not chosen by you, but the attitude you take to those is entirely your choice.

You may want to cringe, get angry, frustrated and by doing all that, you unfortunately make yourself worse. Deal with the emotion you are undergoing, share it, journal it and do something constructive that will enable you to move forward.

As a leader, you realize that sulking on disasters and disappointments in life is not going to help you. You need to believe in yourself, lead from within and only then can you possibly inspire others.

2.Your Values

Very often whilst coaching my clients, when I ask them to state their core values and if their actions and behaviors would exhibit those values, many of them get insights.

It is important to know who we are, what are our core values, how do our actions and behaviors define our values?

Every time I look at my parents or speak with them, I realize that they are resilient and manage themselves well emotionally. They don’t give up. They are willing to see the light at the end of a dark road. And for my sister and I, that is inspiring and encouraging.

Be someone whose behavior and actions reflect your core values and let your actions #inspire and others.

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3.You are a Risk Taker

It is easy to give up when you choose to see your obstacles as hurdles that cannot be surpassed. Yet, you have a choice to see it as challenges or opportunities and way to move forward. It encourages you to think differently, move out of your comfort zone and challenge the way you are.

For my mom, dealing with Parkinson’s is new to her. There is no prior experience and she has to face those challenging moments with a lot of grit. She does get discouraged and yet she gets out of it by the way she reacts to it and the mindset that she adopts.

As a leader, you can inspire others by the perspective you take to the troubles or challenges that come your way and overall your attitude to come through those stronger and better.

4.You Prioritize

My parents are old and the assumed tendency is that they will be slacking off and not be bothered about time. They have not done in the past and do not do so even now. They are disciplined about their time and others time. My parents still wake up early and manage their affairs well, despite many a challenge.

As a #leader, how do you prioritize your #time and what value do you give to others time.

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Are you consistent with walking your talk? How committed are you to your word? You will motivate others when you lead by example and when you value your time and those of others.

5.Your growth and development

My dad keeps himself abreast of news and developments around the world. He reads and watches news channels on TV.

Personal growth and development is fundamental to the way you come across to others. It affects your Executive Presence. When you focus on your personal growth and development, you are willing to expand your horizons and be on a continuous cycle of development and a willing learner. Humility is essential to be on the path of growth and development.

6.You are not alone

I did not realize for many years that my parents need appreciation. They don’t say it and when they do get appreciated, they feel nice. Reminders about the positive things they have done and how it matters to you is a nudge to them that they are not alone.

Praise and appreciation is required by each of us, no matter our age or gender. Even leaders who lead by example need to be appreciated and reminded that they are not alone.

You can be a leader by taking those little actions that matter. You can act and behave in a way that tells yourself or others that you are not a sum of your beliefs, fears and doubts.

For one-on-one coating, group coaching, facilitating of workshops , training needs, please consult me.

How To Give Feedback That Matters

14 August 2014 By Lalita Raman 2 Comments

The training starts at 9 am. All, but 2 participants arrive either early or on time. However, the training doesn’t start till after the two participants have arrived which is at 9:07 am.

At the gym, in the RPM class of 30 members, ten to fifteen members work beyond their comfort zone and they work out because they are interested in making a difference to their training. The rest of them are in the class as if someone has forced them to be there. The instructor gives more attention to these non-performers.

A group of people decide to write a book together, and in the sub groups some of them submit their chapters on time and others don’t. Yet the people who submit on time are not acknowledged or worse still the whole process gets stuck because of people who don’t bother keeping up to the agreed deadlines.

Mary is in a team of five people within a multi-national firm. She works in their business development and strategic planning function. Mary is a lateral thinker, learns new concepts and skills rapidly and applies it in new and untested ways to achieve spectacular results. She may not be an expert on every aspect but is quick to accommodate, adapt, learn and apply, yet achieve more than the results expected. Two others in her team are good in their own way. Mary or the other two don’t seem to get any praise or positive feedback. Their efforts are not only taken for granted but not acknowledged.

What is common in all the above scenarios?

Giving feedback, praise, appreciation …. A critical skill and yet ignored by leaders, managers, coaches and many people in their daily walk of life.

As a child, haven’t we been encouraged, praised, ‘wowed at’ when we walked for the first time. For those who are parents of small kids haven’t you adored and been ecstatic when your little child walked for the first time. You didn’t criticize your child for not having walked properly or falling down when he or she took his first step or took the walking for granted and completely ignored the fact that your child had walked for the first time. Twenty years down the line, do you think you or your child have stopped wanting appreciation?

When did we stop wanting recognition or praise? NEVER

In my coaching sessions with managers or leaders of organizations, I find managers struggling to give feedback that consists of positive comments. The struggle that most people have with giving praise is what do I tell them other than commenting “awesome” or “spectacular”. That kind of comment made often sounds like flattery instead of genuine appreciation.

As human beings we all like to be recognized and genuinely praised irrespective of age, gender or personality.

How do we give feedback or appreciation ?

1. Listen and observe

Do not underestimate the power of listening and observing. In doing so, you’ll be able to notice the specific things that people in your personal or work life do well. This provides you with evidence to be able to praise the person and acknowledge that they did something well. Worse still don’t ignore the fact that someone has been on time, someone has made an effort to work hard and smart and someone has met deadlines.

2. Little things that matter

“Praise the slight improvement and praise every improvement. Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise” Dale Carnegie. Every small achievement matters. Appreciate even the small gestures because that makes the receiver feel good and encouraged.

Silent #appreciation or #gratitude is as good as none. #peopleskills #neuroscience #brain #leadfromwithin #life

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3. Genuine appreciation

If you give specific appreciation instead of overloading with just adjectives, you’ll be able to show genuine interest. In organizations, as managers of teams or as leaders why not get to know someone in terms of their strengths and their interests? Make observations on how they act and behave and do things. We are emotional beings and it helps to have an EQ that makes another person feel “You Matter“.

4. Feedback culture

Cultivate a habit in your daily life of giving appreciation to those in your life. Develop a culture within your organization to give and receive feedback. Feedback needs to be positive and if you have an area of development to point out, do so, but definitely do not load it with negatives and criticism. None of us need help with criticizing ourselves. Each of us are experts on that. Don’t wait for a 360° feedback process at the end of the year, that is done like a chore instead of truly using it as a way of providing genuine feedback and appreciation. Feedback should be ‘continuous’ so that people know what they are doing well, what do they see as challenges and thus need to work on developing.

#Relationships are not like a robot. You need to treat them with care and that is key to building #peopleskills.

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What are you doing to build and strengthen #relationships? #leadfromwithin #peopleskills

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Are you “seeing” people?

“I see you. You matter.”

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

The Vulnerability In Relationships

18 February 2014 By Lalita Raman 5 Comments

I was watching some Ted Talk Videos over the weekend and one of them was on The Power Of Vulnerability.

This got me thinking about relationships. Relationships are made or marred many times on vulnerability.

There have been numerous cases of abuse, bullying, domestic violence and all this is evidence of putting someone in a vulnerable state or taking advantage of them.

Yet, at other times when we are in a crisis, may be stranded on account of bad weather conditions or losing a job in a close down or merger situation, some of the best relationships are formed during such situations. “Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center, of meaningful human experiences according to Brené Brown in her book How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead.

Vulnerability here does not mean being submissive or weak. It involves uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure which is well articulated by Brené Browne in her book.

When we see read or hear stories, see videos, hear presentations or empathize with the events in our daily life it is the vulnerability and authenticity which enables us to make that connection. Connection which is an important part of relationships is what gives meaning and purpose to our daily life.

Relationship is about:

1.Respect – you can shine your light but it is not necessary to knock down someone else or dim another’s light. Even if the relationship is not something that you favor, respect is an important element. Respect yourself enough to avoid being taken advantage of. Surround yourself with positivity and compassion for yourself and others.

2.Empathy – the ability to mutually experience the thoughts, emotions, and direct experience of others is an important element in any relationship.

3.Love – the most profound emotion that is an essential part of any relationship.

4.Appreciation – in the world we live today, we forget to appreciate ourselves, our relationships and the moments of life. Appreciation is unconditional and does not contain words like “But”, “However”.

5.Trust – establishing rapport is the start of good relationships. Trust is the pillar of any relationship be it with spouse, parents, siblings, shop keeper, colleagues.

6.Integrity – To me it is the Congruence of I Believe, I Value, I Think, I Feel, I Say, I Do.

7.Obedience – is a matter of the heart. It is about what you feel from within and to be accountable and responsible in a relationship.

8.Nurture – to do and be all that is necessary to grow and enrich the relationship.

9.Space – the little space we allow and create in each of our relationships, be it a friend, spouse, sister, brother or parents, keeps it healthy and allows the relationship to nurture and grow.

10.Honesty – truthfulness, sincerity and frankness in who you are.

11.Interesting – compassion and appreciation for ourselves and others keeps the relationship interesting. Compassion is born of awareness of the choices we are making and the impact of each of these actions on others.

12.Power of Communication – know when to be silent and when to speak up. Not communicating breaks the best of relationships. Conflicts, differences of opinions arise in every relationship. The intent is to disagree agreeably and keep the relationship healthy. Listening is important to build relationships, because that is where you show empathy and that you truly care.

13.Support – strength in a relationship lies in the support you give to that relationship and that you receive. The ebb and flow of relationship requires mental toughness and support.

Relationship is not about opportunities and using it for those opportunities. Relationships to me means someone with whom you can share your completeness, be it a friend, a life partner, sister, brother, mother or father. A relationship should be one that recognizes you for what you are, challenges you, and allows you to grow.

Let your relationships be one in which you

Let yourselves be seen

Practice gratitude and be joyful

Love with your hearts

Are kind and compassionate to yourselves and others

Your willingness to be vulnerable and accept vulnerability establishes and maintains the connection and the authenticity in relationships.

What are some of the ways you have been courageous to be vulnerable and made a connection?

For Individual or Group Coaching, Speaking, Workshops and or Training please connect with Me

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Why Say “Thank You”

26 November 2012 By Lalita Raman 3 Comments

Thanksgiving Day is a national holiday celebrated primarily in the United States and Canada. Several other places around the world observe similar celebrations. It is celebrated on the fourth Thursday of November in the United States and on the second Monday of October in Canada. Thanksgiving has its historical roots in religious traditions, but today is celebrated in a more secular manner.

The purpose of Thanksgiving is to reflect on everything that we have to be thankful for, be it health, family, food, friends, material possessions, overall happiness and success.

Do we need to Thank only on Thanksgiving Day or make that a part and parcel of our daily life ? I think this day serves as a good reminder that “thankfulness” and “appreciation” are important behaviors that need to be fostered as part of our day-to-day life.

“God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say “thank you?” William Arthur Ward

Thank you is the two most important words that each of us should never forget to use. Saying Thank you from the heart and with sincerity to another makes a world of difference. It is an expression of sense of gratitude, an acknowledgement, a recognition of someone’s worthwhile contributions, a sense of motivation and encouragement for the receiver.

Why Say Thank you ?

Feeling grateful and expressing gratitude Even on the most down days, we need to learn to make Thank you a part of our day. Saying Thank You for our meals, for another day that has dawned on us, for our hands, eyes, feet, legs, and every part of our body. Every little thing matters and having a sense of gratitude that life has offered each of us allows us to fill our life with love and appreciation.
A sense of motivation within an organization – it is a simple and elegant form of recognizing somebody within an organization for their effort and contribution.
Not having something – I’m very accident prone and every time I hurt my toe or finger or elbow, I realize the importance of each and every toe in my feet or the relevant body part. When everything is fine and functioning one tends to take the use of each part of our body for granted. However mishaps and accidents are gentle reminders of how important each part of our body is.
Saying a sincere thank you helps us to become congruent. Congruence between our values, ethics and what we say, do and how we live. Don’t block the feeling to be sincere and shower the praise or gratitude or appreciation on some one else.
What we focus grows – many cultures especially in Asia probably don’t grow up with saying Thank you especially amongst near and dear family and friends. However, the more we practice, the more we feel grateful for, and that means we focus more on things we are grateful for. It forces us not to take things and people around us for granted.
Fill your world with love – being grateful helps us to fill our lives and those around us with love and make the other person know they matter. We remind ourselves by the act of Thank You that every thing matters in our life.
Because It Matters – it matters to you, it matters to those around you. Spread the love peace and gratitude.

I would like to share with you, one of my favorite Thank you songs

Thank you for taking the time to read this blog and sharing it. Please share your perspective on “Thank you” in the comments section below. Thank you.

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The Zen of Conflict Leadership – 5 Keys to deal with Conflicts

14 October 2012 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

“The better able team members are to engage, speak, listen, hear, interpret, and respond constructively, the more likely their teams are to leverage conflict rather than be leveled by it” Runde and Flanagan

Conflict is not something many of us like to be in. Many situations of conflict create a feeling of fight or flight. It triggers a lot of negative emotions including anger, turmoil and a sense of threat.

But is conflict really that bad at all times ?

Is it possible to accept conflict as a learning process ?

Peace is not the absence of conflict but it is the ability to deal with Conflict by way of creative alternatives to respond to situations of conflict.

What is Conflict ? Conflict arises from differences of opinion. It arises when people disagree over values, ideas, perceptions or even when led by different motivations.

Conflicts cannot be avoided because no two people can agree on everything at all times. A better way to resolve conflicts is not to avoid it or runaway from it but deal with it in a constructive and positive manner. Confidence comes from knowing that you have the skills to communicate in a difficult situation, and you have the ability to diagnose the situation accurately as you choose the best strategy for the situation.

5 Keys to resolving or dealing with conflicts – please click the LINK for DETAILS

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How To Practice Positive Leadership

9 September 2012 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

Pauline is sitting at her desk immersed in her own thoughts and going down the memory lane of her past 30 years.

Pauline still remembers the big day when she was 8 years old. She is waiting for her big day, the final competition for being declared “The Best Child Dancer under 10″ in the biggest competitions held by a TV channel in her country. She is passionate about dancing and spends hours on her practice. The Finale arrives and she gives a mind-blowing performance. She wins the competition. She gets accolades, awards, appreciation of her performance. She is exhilarated.

A smile returns to her face when she thinks about this moment.

She has won many awards thereafter not only in her country but also internationally. Dance is her passion but Pauline has always kept it as a hobby rather than make a career out of that. She is multi skilled and has never had any issues in trying out diverse things and out shining in each of those. She is currently a Senior Executive with a top multinational – she has spent over 10 years with this Company and has grown in her role. She is one of the top performers and has contributed to the phenomenal growth of the Company. The Company will face a significant loss if she decides to leave the Company.

Pauline, however is not happy and she rarely shares or shows what is going on beneath the surface. She continues to give her commitment to her role as a leader, manager and as a senior board member of the organization. She manages to shut her emotions of not being content whilst she is at work.

A shrill telephone ring shakes Pauline out of her reverie….

Can you picture yourself in Pauline’s shoes ? You bring yourself to work and shut off some of your emotions and over time these get pent-up. No one at work asks you nor does your manager have the time for you, to connect or to find out how you are doing? You feel like a cog in the wheel and over time it probably affects your productivity and your passion with which you do your work.

Human behavior flows from three main sources: desire, emotion, and knowledge – Plato

Strong emotions & feelings if not recognized tend to be a biggest drain and over time creates a vicious circle of Negative Emotions.

Not recognizing or appreciating the contribution of an individual in an organization affects the performance of not only that person but also the service to clients and possibly the competitive space of the organization. Many times it isn’t only the financial rewards that count but it is necessary to improve the lines of communication, encourage positive energy which means work on building the strengths of an individual.

An organization is about people and each individual is unique. In meeting and surpassing revenue and growth targets, meeting deadlines, many a manager in an organization forget to truly connect with an individual, their interests and most of all create an environment to make them feel safe and wanted.

For the Full Article please click on the following LINK

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15 Things That Matter in Being You

26 May 2012 By Lalita Raman 6 Comments

The two words we probably hear most often in the form of quotes and statements on Twitter, Pinterest & other forms of Social Media is ‘Be You’, ‘Just Be Yourself’. What does “Be You’ mean?

Is it an excuse to use your personality as an excuse for bad behavior? I hear people saying hey ‘Just deal with it, this is who I am’. ‘I don’t believe in saying sorry or Thank you’. ‘I just can’t be bothered to change’. There are yet others who insult others under the garb of humor and sarcasm.

‘ Being you’ I think, is a perfect defense for an egoistic person who has no respect for others and believes they are infallible ?

Of course each of us have our personality traits and inborn temperament which is unique to us and some of this is adapted to suit the environment that we live in and the circumstances that we face. However, the way we perceive and react to our day-to-day journey in life is a choice we can make and one that is within our control.

It is up to each of us to recognize our emotions, regulate our thoughts and frame the right mindset to respond in a manner that is appropriate to the situation at hand.

So what does Being You mean ?

I Believe

1. Whilst there is nothing wrong in being direct and honest, by no means the delivery of the statements or the tone in which it is delivered need be rude.

2. We are a result of our choices and we need to deal with the choices we have made. Negativity and emotional trauma arises when we get into the blaming game for all our misfortunes.

3. That sometimes when we are angry we have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give us the right to be cruel.

4. That each of us need to value ourselves and should not allow ourselves to be trampled on.

5. Each of us have our own strengths and we should build and use them to lead with integrity, trust and character

6. Each of us have our own weaknesses and we should marginalize our limitations to move forward

7. That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences we have had and what we have learned from them and how each of us choose to use them.

8. That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but, we are responsible for who we become.

9. That either we control our attitude or it controls us. Choose the right one.

10. That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

11. We are human and love to be acknowledged, encouraged and appreciated. Being an introvert or shy is no excuse for not telling someone ‘You Matter’.

12. Each of us have to value and believe in ourselves.

13. None of us are perfect and can teach and learn something each day.

14. That just because you think you are successful you have no right to put out someone else’s light and efforts.

15. You are you and will be valued only if you treat others just like the way you would like to be treated.

Bottom-line, our personality is not an excuse to criticize, condemn and poke fun at somebody. Live and let live and encourage others to do the best. Each of us are unique and life is about learning from each other and making a difference in this world which we live in. Are you ‘Being You’ or ‘Being Brash’ ?

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Top 3 Reasons to Encourage

21 May 2012 By Lalita Raman 5 Comments

We are human and want to be appreciated and made to feel wanted no matter who we are or what role each of us play in our daily lives. Even if you are a strong person there is no denial that you need to be encouraged and recognized.

If you think encouragement does not play an important role, think about the last time you or your friend resigned from a company and the reason was not the salary. Many of us may be willing to stick around in a job when we know we are appreciated, recognized and acknowledged but not otherwise.

Nothing else can quite substitute a few well-chosen, well-timed, sincere words of praise. They’re absolutely free but worth a fortune as long as they are delivered in the right way. Many feel it is about the Ego but it is more to do with something more human. We are created for significance and this is of utmost importance in a community or in an organization.

One of the worst feelings anyone can undergo is feeling unwanted and insignificant.

The words ‘You Matter’, and what you did is important and I believe more so with people who probably rarely hear this in their day. Let me share with you a real life experience :

Two years back, my dad had to undergo some checks before undergoing back surgery which was categorized as Level 7, which means it was a high risk operation. I was not physically with him when this happened, since I was on my way to Bombay, which is where my parents live. I heard this from my sister who was with him when this incident happened. Whilst my dad was waiting for some tests to be done in the hospital, he suddenly slumped is his chair and my sister had to call for help. Whilst the staff were looking for Doctors’ to help him and get a stretcher, a security guard of the ICU just lifted him and ran into the ICU with his shoes on. He didn’t at that point in time remove his shoes though he was entering the ICU nor did he wait for the Doctor to arrive or the stretcher to be brought. He also went beyond his normal call of duty (or what we call as the Job Description). His act at the nick of time saved my dad’s life. Whilst one may think that in a hospital when someone slumps, help should be immediately available, the reality is that in the keenness to adhere to Standard Operating Procedures, precious time is lost. When I arrived at the hospital the following day, my sister introduced me to the Security Guard. I introduced myself and thanked him and said he was solely responsible for saving my dad’s life. He turns around to me with a smile and said,”nice to hear that from you, your mom and your sister but I did what I thought was right at that time, it was my duty to save him and I did not bother about the strict definition of call of duty”. I told him he did the right thing and shall make sure that his supervisor knows about this. He thanked me and said, it was nothing spectacular… after all we are all human beings and if we cannot do this much for each other what is the use of being born and living in this world. Those words still ring in my ear.

You may say oh, but he did perform a significant task & it was important to let him know. True but think about the person who comes to your house to clear your trash. It will make such a difference to his or her day to know that what they do is important & they matter to our daily lives. Other examples are the lady at the reception of your gym or yoga center or hair salon, security guard of your building or house. Think back when we were students didn’t we want to be recognized for something we did & when the teacher did acknowledge our contribution we felt good & motivated to do better. It is no different when we become adults.

Why Encourage ?

1. Encouragement builds relationships. When you take time to notice what others around you are doing and the way in which they contribute it can make a world of difference. Encouragement takes it a step further because it is grounded in reality.

2. Encouragement builds loyalty. You will want to know how much your boss cares more than knowing how much he/she knows. Encouragement from the heart is genuine and goes a long way to build trust and loyalty.

3. Encouragement builds morale. Positive morale is key to a team, a department within a Company and the entire organization. Turnover in an organization is high when morale is low. Most of us crave meaningful feedback, especially at work. It’s natural to want validation and acknowledgment for our accomplishments, and many of us want to hear constructive criticism to help us learn and grow.

Research by Gallup and others shows that engaged employees are more productive. They are more profitable, more customer-focused, safer, and more likely to withstand temptations to leave. The best-performing companies know that an employee engagement improvement strategy linked to the achievement of corporate goals will help them win in the marketplace. In world-class organizations, the ratio of engaged to disengaged employees is 9.57:1. In average organizations, the ratio of engaged to actively disengaged employees is 1.83:1. Source

Imagine the costs associated with not encouraging or recognizing someone’s efforts and the ripple effect it has on the organization, the world outside the organization and on each of us.

Before it’s too late, start encouraging and let people know they matter. Whom have you encouraged today? Do you have any experiences to share ?

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You Matter

30 January 2012 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

We are Human and want to be Appreciated and made to feel wanted no matter what role each of us play in our daily lives.

When you hear these two words,”You Matter” think about the feeling you go through, –
It Changes your mood, Changes your heart and mind and many times gives you a big boost to help you achieve what u set out to do. It Changes Lives and it can Change the World.

Nothing else can quite substitute a few well-chosen, well-timed, sincere words of praise. They’re absolutely free but worth a fortune. As long as they are delivered in the right way. Many feel it is about the Ego but it is more to do with something more human,. We are created for significance and this is of utmost importance in a community, in an organization, in our day to day life.

Pls watch this Video where I have shared my thoughts on the importance of being appreciated.

You Matter

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