I was in conversation with a friend of mine a fortnight back. She suddenly remarked …”I need to learn to like myself”. When I asked her why do you say that, her response, “I try to make everyone happy in what I am and what I do”, surprised me even more.

So I ask her, what is the latter got to do with you not liking yourself ? “Oh, I am disappointed all the time and that makes me try harder and it is a vicious cycle”.

The conversation went on for long and she realized that there is no way she can please everybody in life. She was getting distraught because somewhere along the way she was paying an excessive weight to pleasing everyone.

We don’t choose all the cards that we get to deal with and many of the cards that we are dealt with, we feel we don’t deserve.

The choice each of us can make is our attitude and the shift we consciously make to deal with the bumps that we face in life.  Click To Tweet

There will be some people who like you for what you are and what you do and yet others who don’t. However, what is important is how you behave, how you are in every aspect of life, at work and day-to-day. You can make an effort to live with integrity, and commitment and communicate well no matter the situation.

How can we make who we are, what we do and the results that we achieve as a result of being and doing in sync?

1. Why – at various times in our life we set a goal or a vision for ourselves so that we don’t become aimless wanderer’s in the path of life. In our mission we take to achieve the goals or visions we have set ourselves, we sometimes meet with situations in life where we feel we have bumped off our path. In these moments of confusion, it often helps to take a step back, reflect and ask ourselves, why do we do what we do?

2. What – what we do is important to achieve the vision we have set in life. In getting so involved in the what, we often lose track of the why. We get so involved in “the doing” to achieve the results, that we temporarily forget the why. The same “why” can be brought back to focus by questioning and reflecting on the “what we do”.

3. How – how do we achieve the goal that we have set for ourselves in who we are and the different roles that we play in life. “How” crystallizes the “why” because our being and who we are is reflected in the “how”. How do we achieve the results or the final goal reflects whether your ‘being’ and ‘doing’ is in sync.

To me, the “why” answers and reflects who we are or our being and our behaviors. The “what” reflects the activities that we engage in to achieve our vision and the “how” indicates the way we achieve our “why” and reflects our values and character.

If your path is deviating from your foundation and you see your behaviors and actions moving away from your core, it is time to reflect and gain control on your attitude and things that you do or don’t. Click To Tweet

It is the roller coaster ride of life that makes us who we are and during the peaks and troughs of life, ‘who’ we are (a combination of our ‘real’ self and the ‘ought to be’ self) and who we wish (ideal self) to be, should get closer and closer.

Being close to your ideal self begins with understanding what drives and motivates you, and then figuring out what you really want to achieve in work and in life and why.

How are you living your life?

Does your ‘what’ and ‘how’ reflect your ‘why’?

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

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Do you lead by example?

Did you know that every time you speak but don’t act on you word you are marring your personal image, your personal branding. You may ask how does that happen?

In daily walks of life – how many times do you hear, I will get that done by tomorrow, or we should meet for dinner or coffee or I’m here if you want my help anytime.

In the office, there’s the boss who tells every one to stay late, and then leaves promptly at 5:00pm for a golf game. There’s the CEO who tells the organization to buy into his vision of the future and the Co. though he is planning his exit strategy.  And the CEO who recommends cutting employee benefits and institutes a new rule that every client entertainment requires pre-approval but then buys brand-new luxury office furniture for his cabin and travels on the garb of an official trip and combines a vacation with that trip.

Do you recognize any of these people? What is common in all these people

Don’t you think the over promising and under-delivery.  Not leading by example?

Loyalty and commitment to our word is not a sign of being plain silly or emotional. It is a sign of strength and consistency.

The first key to greatness is to be in reality what they appear to be – Socrates

Why do some just talk & not act?

1. Change tends to happen whether people want it or not, and this can be upsetting.  People are often quite uncomfortable with change, for all sorts of reasons.  This can lead them to resist it and oppose it. They may say one thing to get over a situation at that moment and not plan to act on their word.

2. The inability to say ‘No’ to anyone

3. There are yet others who over promise either to get brownie points or on account of lack of planning and under deliver.

Every time you over commit who do you think gets hurt the most ? None other than ‘You’

So why is it so important to lead by example; and what happens when you don’t?

Think about those people who have inspired you and why you have been inspired by them?

Some of the common examples may be Martin Luther King or Gandhi. Why? Their action was living proof of their talk.

We’ve seen just how powerful it can be to lead by example from some of those whom we have been inspired. But what happens when your video is not in sync with your audio?.

Consequences – Each time you fail to honor a commitment you chip away at the bonds between you and the people who have trusted you or lent their hand in friendship .

There’s hardly anything worse for company morale than leaders who practice the “Do as I say, not as I do” philosophy. When this happens, you can almost see the loss of enthusiasm and goodwill among the staff.

No matter what the situation is, double standards – witnessing people say one thing, and then doing another – always feels like betrayals. They can be very destructive.  If this ever happened to you, you can probably remember that sense of disappointment and letdown.

Strategy– Your values are the things that you believe are important in the way you live and work.  They (should) determine your priorities, and, deep down, they’re probably the measures you use to tell if your life is turning out the way you want it to.

If you ask a co-worker to do something, make sure you’d be willing to do it yourself.  If you implement new rules for the office, then follow those rules just as closely as you expect everyone else to follow them. For example, if the new rule is “not to use mobile phones in the office, then make sure you don’t use your mobile in the office. You’ll be seen as dishonest, and your staff may become angry and start disobeying you.  Look closely at your own behavior. If you criticize people for interrupting, but you constantly do it yourself, you need to fix this. Yes, you want people to pay attention to one another and listen to all viewpoints, so demonstrate this yourself.

What is required to Lead By Example – Commitment, Integrity, Responsibility, Honesty, Respect, Courage, Ethics.  Please watch my video on the 7 elements of lead by example.

Why undervalue yourself when you can be your best friend.   Your personal brand is your word and your action. Don’t undermine it.

“A woman is the full circle.
Within her is the power to create, nurture and transform.”
~ Diane Mariechild ~

A woman has the power to be strong, resilient and vulnerable. As a women, we play different roles -Mother, Daughter, Girl Friend, Wife, Housewife, Various roles in our work lives. Even in World War II, Women played a role in the military, in support services, in factories back home, in concentration camps, and keeping the home fires burning.

In each of these multi faceted role, the trait that stands out most to me is Women’s Resilience. In each of our roles we do our best, come rain or shine.

And Yet, in many developing countries, likes of India, a girl is still thought to be a burden on the family. Even in families, where a girl child is welcomed, many a time,there exists a subtle discrimination, if she is born in a family where they have sons.

Sons are preferred because the perception is that they will look after their parents when they are old, they will help take charge of the family business, where relevant and shine the torch of the family.  In fact, in many an Indian family, girls look after their parents much better than her brothers.

Even in today’s modern world, girls are put under pressure to get married.

Distinction starts from birth where a girl child is stereotyped with the color pink, Barbie dolls, Tea Sets, Ballet, Gymnastics and this article posted by @prajnya re: Gaming & Girls resonates this message eloquently.

http://bit.ly/hyuUzH

Women have far more resilience than men and in fact one needs to remind the women in us that strength does not always come from tolerance, rather from speaking out against violence. A woman should speak up for her rights and assert herself.

Female power involves women taking part in the conversation either in the public arena or at the dinner table, and having the same emotional space in which to do so as men. It means women not having to fear punishment of any kind & be able to speak their mind and heart.

Women need to get out the emotional bondage which many a time the society puts a conscious & unconscious pressure on her.

I had the privilege to be born in a family where independence, respect for women & education for women were and are still considered to be important tenets.  Having grown up in India, I was consciously aware about the discrimination between men and women and I take every opportunity to drive the message of Women’s rights and stopping violence against women.

Let each of us join to Stop FGM, and Violence Against Women in any shape or form.

LINK TO THE WEBSITE –http://www.girleffect.org

The Pixel Project (http://www.thepixelproject.net) is a global volunteer-led nonprofit organisation working to raise US$1 million in aid of the USA’s National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Malaysia’s

Women’s Aid Organisation via an online fundraiser in which a 1-million pixel mystery collage of 4 to 6 globally known Celebrity Male Role Models will be unveiled online as donors “buy” each pixel for US$1.00.

As part of efforts to recruit Celebrity Male Role Models for the mystery collage, The Pixel Project is pleased to launch their first Voters’ Choice Celebrity Male Role Model campaign through which a worldwide audience votes for an actor to be included in our A-list line-up which includes a Nobel Prize Winner and a Pulitzer Prize winner.

The two nominees with the most votes will be invited to donate JUST 45 MINUTES of their time to have their picture taken for the collage and to join the global community in saying “It’s time to stop Violence Against Women. Together.”

The superstar nominee who accepts the invitation will be revealed through the Pixel Reveal fundraiser which will be launched in the second half of 2010.

Voting is open from 17 May 2010 – 17 June 2010 and you are invited to key in your vote and sign the online petition here: http://bit.ly/PixelVote.