Little Things That Matter

Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

Living In The Moment

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Photo Credit : Lalita Raman

Photo Credit : Lalita Raman

I was at the gym yesterday and two women were exchanging a rather loud conversation in the ladies changing room.  I could not help pay attention to one of the remarks made by one woman to her friend. One of the ladies asks her friend, so how was your week-end to which her friend replies ” I spent a lot of my weekend living in the moment”. I turned around and had a smile on my face when I heard that remark. I smiled because it is not often that I hear that response. The lady who had asked her friend the question, of course was confused and started asking a lot of questions at which point in time I was well on my way out of the ladies changing room and was rushing for my class.

The moment that is now and every moment that is yet to arrive will be history by the time you finish reading this statement. Be in this moment, live and enjoy this moment.

These are statements that you read in blogs, quotes , hear from your friends and read in various self-help books and possibly remind yourself at various points in your day.

Have you wondered ever so often what does living in the moment mean?

How do you practice it in your busy days filled with tasks and different roles to play ?

Don’t we spend most of our lives thinking about something else other than what we are doing right now?

 “Human beings have this unique ability to focus on things that aren’t happening right now. That allows them to reflect on the past and learn from it; it allows them to anticipate and plan for the future; and it allows them to imagine things that might never occur,” said Matthew Killingsworth, a doctoral student in psychology and lead author of the study.

Whilst I was catching up on reading over the weekend, this video caught my attention. This Polar Bear Cub Has A Lot To Teach Us About Making the most of the moment and enjoying it while we can.

After I watched this video I got to thinking which are those moments when I know I am in the now and fully present. Thinking about this lead me to writing this blog post ….

When I :

  1. Am with nature either hiking, rafting, or on a boat.
  2. Am in a garden filled with beautiful flowers
  3. See a butterfly perched on a flower
  4. Am on a roller coaster
  5. In a coaching session when I know I have to be mindful and present and cannot allow my mind to wander.
  6. Walking with a dog or the time I spend with my friends dog.
  7. Taking a test or writing an exam
  8. Physical Painful moment which consumes my entire energy at that moment or when I see someone else in pain.
  9. Am at the gym and yoga.
  10. Reading an interesting book or watching a nail-biting movie.
  11. Listening to a story that is emotional.
  12. Cooking a new recipe
  13. Am taking on a new challenge
  14. Exploring new places whilst on travel.
  15. Am Laughing or crying.

Just connecting to some of these moments helps me to tide over times when my mind starts to wander. There are possibly many other moments when I am in the now but they typically range around one of the things that I have mentioned above.

How often have you been in situations when you realize that the person whom you are speaking to, is not there with you. One of the best ways to be empathetic is to practice connective listening. We live in a complex world today and yet there are many times you feel that there is not an empathetic ear to listen to you. What you need most is a special heart that listens in mind, body and soul to you. Practicing connective listening, in my view is possible only if you are in the moment.

Mindfulness is being fully involved in the moment of being or doing no matter what the task is even if that means nothing. Meditation helps you to be more mindful in each moment of choice, to be focused and fully aware.

When are the moments in your life when you have connected in the now?

How do you treat yourself to more of these live in the moment?

Are You An Ode To Your Dogmas?

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We are more than a decade into the twenty-first century and yet we live by dogmas…….

Beliefs rule our work and personal world. Beliefs are more often than not a lie. Beliefs lead us to act or think about something in a way not because we have experienced it but because it is just believed to be true.  Beliefs are not necessarily based on logic. Each of us have our belief system and some of them are acquired along the journey of life or some that is ingrained into us from childhood. Most of them we choose not to question.

I grew up in India, and some of the common beliefs are

– if the husband dies soon after marriage, the wife has brought the bad luck
– widow needs to wear white
– if you are good you will go to heaven when you die
– a marriage is all about compromises
– if a particular dish is cooked in a specific way and this is a family tradition it is carried out from generation to generation without anyone asking why is it done the way it is done & is it necessary?
– crying is bad and makes you weak. Controlling your feelings makes you strong
– when a black cat crosses the road whilst you are walking it is a bad omen

In an organizational context beliefs can take the following shape

  • to join us as a coach or as a leadership trainer, you need to be trained by us. It doesn’t matter if you have been certified.
  • this is the only way to service a customer efficiently and it has worked for us for several years.
  • we will continue to service our existing customers with our existing products and there is no necessity to look at growing our range of products and services we offer to them.

Many of us become so intertwined with our beliefs that we practice it as a behavior & impose it on others. Beliefs are created by some data or knowledge that may have been gathered or gained without actually experiencing it or questioning the logic of the information.

Only when we separate our lives from beliefs and start living based on our own experiences, we start to be in control of our true journey of life.

Impact of beliefs

1. Fear – most people don’t want to question because they Fear that they will be excluded or thought of as unconventional. If I ask questions on their adopted practices, I cut my career progression.  In a larger context, if organizations refuse to break away from their conventional thinking they run the risk of not adapting. They short change themselves from creative thinking, growth, and development.

 2. Happiness – many of us for a large part our lives define success and well-being in terms of the external world. We live in this myth that our happiness is linked to the materialistic world. We continue to seek peace of mind from the external world.

Have you questioned if that gives you peace of mind, happiness and fulfillment?  Have you tried going on an inner journey?

3. Thoughts – Our thoughts reflect in our feelings and our actions. If we refuse to relinquish our deep-seated beliefs, they become our thoughts. These thoughts control us, dictate our actions and define who we are.

Would you like to be known by your beliefs or would you like to live your experiences?

Would you like to limit your potential by these beliefs?

 Let your fear, thoughts or dogmas not restrict your innate potential. Ask relevant questions

  • Have you asked yourself why is something done the way it is done?
  • What is stopping me from getting what I need?
  • Would you rather be part of a group who question, challenge and help you grow rather than agreeing with you on everything you say and do?
  • Are you a product of your beliefs?
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Top 5 Reasons to gain from “The Winter Of Our Discontent”

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Life is the best teacher and there is no preview to the various ups and downs that life presents to you in the journey with her.  No school, college or MBA can teach you how to deal with life, how you feel about your experiences and how not to be knocked out.

Many people you meet in your life tell you to be content with life. True that, but the following quote by Oscar Wilde has always been with me to make changes and facilitate growth from where I am.  “Discontent is the first step in the progress of a man or nation.”

Think about this quote carefully :

When have you really challenged yourself?

When have you strived to get something done?

When have you decided to end a relationship?

When have you decided to change your job or career?

When have you made life changing decisions?

In each of these situations above, is it from discontent with the current being or situation?

Should we be discontent all the time?

No, I cringe to imagine a situation of discontent all the time because that causes negativity and being in the spiral of negativity is possibly the worst damage that you could do to yourself.

Why and when is being discontent a true guide to life :

1. Cruise Control and operating on auto pilot– In her book, My Stroke of Insight, Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph.D. tells us and I quote

“In addition, our minds are highly sophisticated “seek and ye shall find” instruments.  We are designed to focus in on whatever we are looking for.  If I seek red in the world then I will find it everywhere.  Perhaps just a little in the beginning, but the longer I stay focused on looking for red, then before you know it, I will see red everywhere.”

If we settle for mediocrity when we are capable of lot more, we stop to grow. Observe a child and you’ll see how Children are so enthusiastic to learn, to explore, to dare and be curious. Curiosity to learn more about different things in life, different fields and phenomena should always be there. When you stop to learn discontent should enable us to take the next step forward which is to challenge our self for something different or new. ‘Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow.’ ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

2. Control your mind – the power to control your mind rests with you and none other.  If you examine life, review, renew and search for new discoveries and push your mind to reach new destinations, you’ll participate in life. Discontentment should enable us to find our inner self and go on a journey within.

3. Relationships – treasure and thank those who didn’t leave you when you needed them the most. Thank those who stood by you during your hardships. Use discontent in some of your relationships to question your own behavior, behavior of others and decide whether to work on the relationship or move on and walk away.

 4. Question – In all forms of communication, one’s impact is most effective when we pay attention to the receipt of our influence.  Questions, in my view, allows one to listen and interject at the relevant time and get the other party engaged and excited about the conversation or the subject being discussed. In the relevant context, a question constructed and asked properly acts as a catalyst. Any question is relevant if asked in the right context and enables you to determine if you can continue to push forward, pull back or change your style.

Initiate and Embrace positive change, a change that leads to growth and improvement. You can initiate change only if you are discontent about the current state of affairs in some aspect of life.

5. Gratuitous – have a sense of gratitude with what you have but never be content with the kindness that you can spread amongst others and with others.  Avoid excesses in that don’t hoard things that are not essential since they will become a source of misery. “Become a hunter of blessings, actively seeking them out in every experience and person you encounter.” ~Kate Nowak

Being discontent with anything that triggers growth, improvement and development of self  is necessary but not one that will lead to negativity and complaints without striving for a positive change.  I would say let me choose to be discontent so that I can grow, develop, and create a positive influence.

Doesn’t Self Improvement Begin With Discontent ?

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Why Question? & Not Accept Anything at Face Value

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I have often been asked why I question, before I accept anything? Why make assumptions, why take something at face value,. After all each of our ears, eyes and heart is the one to be trusted. By asking questions, you also open the doors of communication and avoid misunderstandings and sadness.

I love this quote ……., which says it all

“The important thing is to not stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity; of life; of the marvelous structure of reality…”

Quote by Albert Einstein from the Personal Memoir of William Miller, 1955.