Little Things That Matter

Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

Archives for June 2012

Commitment : Top 15 Questions You Need to Ask Yourself

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“What we speak becomes the house we live in.”-Hafez.

Remember you are only as good as your word and actions that match your word. Failing to keep your commitments is an indication that you don’t care about your vision, or word, your client, their time, and the outcomes.

Questions you need to ask yourself when your actions are not in sync with your word are:

  1. Do you have a clear goal and vision
  2. Are you trying to pursue one too many goals or things to do at the same time
  3. Are you trying to get some brownie points by agreeing to do something but have no real intention of doing it
  4. Are you trying to avoid a situation of open communication and dealing with the situation
  5. Have you prioritized your goals or list of activities…..?

For the Full Post, please click on the following link

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8 Keys To A Relationship

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Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

Those who fly solo often have the strongest wings – Unknown

I’ve always been enamored by this quote and to a very great extent it is true in terms of decisions and choices we make, the way we overcome a situation, and overall how we deal with the journey of life. However, we are not born alone, we live in a society, we live with other people like you and me and life teaches us that…

“Tough, you think you’ve got the stuff, You’re telling me and anyone, You’re hard enough,You don’t have to put up a fight,You don’t have to always be right, Let me take some of the punches,For you tonight, Listen to me now, I need to let you know,You don’t have to go it alone.”

Quoted from the U2 lyrics of ‘Sometimes You Can’t Make it On Your Own‘

Relationships to me means someone with whom you can share your completeness, be it a friend, a life partner, sister, brother, mother or father. A relationship should be one that recognizes you for what you are, challenges you, and allows you to grow.

I enjoy meeting people from different walks of life, from different countries because it enriches and inspires me. Some of these acquaintances have changed my perspective on life, have helped me overcome inhibitions, apprehensions and if nothing else has helped me become aware of my own strengths and uniqueness.

What are the keys to any relationship:

1. Space – the little space we allow and create in each of our relationships, be it a friend, spouse, sister, brother or parents, keeps it healthy and allows the relationship to nurture and grow.

2. Giving – no relationship can be one way. Being human, relationships go through highs and lows.  Each of us are driven by sensitivity, feelings and emotions. It is important to ‘give’ in a relationship, but you also need to know when to walk away or pull back.

3. Forgiving – we do get hurt from some relationships and as hard as it may be, it is best to forgive for our own peace of mind. The burden of carrying that hurt and anger is so heavy that we forget to be compassionate to ourselves. Forgiveness is just saying “I’m not going to allow what you did to me to ruin my life and growth.”

4. Worthy – You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot in someone’s life. Just like you don’t like to be forced into making space for someone in your life, don’t force someone to do the same. You are worthy and if the other person knows your worth they will make sure they see you in their life.  I’m a firm believer of relationships which stands the test of time and distance and resulting from a genuine need and desire for togetherness rather than by imposition and demand for an everlasting bond.

5. You Matter –  we are courteous and polite to our office colleagues and strangers on the road, but forget to extend the same to people who have been with us through thick and thin. We forget to thank them, recognize their presence and very often take them for granted. Imagine the joy you would feel if people with whom you have stood by acknowledge to you “You Matter”. Never make people in your life feel unwanted. Life is short and never miss an opportunity to show your gratitude.

6. Cris-cross – not every person you meet may be your cup of tea. Some will use you, some will inspire you, some will test you and some will be with you for the long run. Let go of those who decide to walk away for your own peace.

7. Communication – honesty and open communication is something we often take for granted. We allow our egos and pride to come in between relationships. We build walls rather than bridges. We live once, there may never be a tomorrow. Why hold on to ego and pride? No matter what or who you are, your attitude is the most important to keep a relationship healthy.

8. Gender – more often than not, men respond differently than women in relationships be it as a friend or spouse. Most men prefer to be curt and may not engage in niceties. That does not necessarily mean they don’t care. However most women, no matter how hectic their schedule may be between work and home commitments, find time to inquire about the overall well-being of the other. Women more often than not tend to share every detail of their day with their partner or friend and many times probably expect the same from the opposite sex be it a life partner or friend. Sometimes, our need for excessive communication can be draining leading to fatigue in a relationship.

Life has taught me that we need to give space even to our closest relationships. Each of us, man or woman, have our roles to play in life and none of us can get extra clingy. We need to allow and create the vacuum to grow the relationship.

Bottom-line a relationship can grow if it allows self acceptance, encouragement, give and take, emotional support and there is respect for each other.

Change – The Process And 4 Essentials

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Change is an integral part of our life. Our physical body undergoes change every day, our cells undergoes change and the very process of growing up from the time we are born to where we are today is Change. The environment around us is changing all the time. Some changes are within our control and yet others not so. There are yet other changes which we need to make consciously – the ability to be present and move between reflection and action. It is our ability to establish and maintain the appropriate attitudes and behaviors in both our professional and personal lives, that are conducive to goal setting, achievement and constructive feedback.

What is involved in the process of change

A Reason to change; A Desire to change; A Commitment to change; A Way to change; The Support for change

If your change goal was to lose weight, the reason to lose weight might be health reasons, desire is to feel and look healthy and lead your life more effectively, Commitment comes from a reward – reward in losing weight for you might be to participate in a triathlon which you have been putting off due to health issues, a way to would be to improve your fitness regime and restructure your dietary habits.

What are essentials to change

1. Action 2. Social Circle 3. Mindset 4. Doing

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What have been some of the changes in your life which you worked towards and made it happen. Please share in the comments section below.  Thank you

Multitasking – 3 Reasons Why You Should Stop and 6 Steps On How To

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Most of us pride ourselves in multitasking. The more I think about multitasking, the more I feel that I probably don’t do full justice to any of the tasks at hand. Multitasking, I think possibly arises from distraction. The craze of Social Media, with the likes of Twitter, G+, Facebook, multiple chats (a friend of mine has possibly 35-40 chats going on at the same time …) has amplified our distraction. A study by Clifford Nass et al. at Stanford showed that heavy media multi-taskers are more susceptible to interference from irrelevant environmental stimuli and from irrelevant representations in memory.

Many of us at work read emails and try to respond to them while having a call with a client or a colleague or may be even during conference calls. Surely full focus and attention cannot be given to both these tasks. Why do otherwise intelligent people find it so easy to be distracted from what really matters? Why do we not give attention to the task at hand be it writing a blog, conceptual thinking with regard to one’s business or work or giving our undivided attention to someone who is talking.

In today’s world it is essential to be multi-skilled and multifaceted and the ability to switch effortlessly and effectively between various tasks is imperative.  But that is not multitasking. Having said that, let’s look at why we should not multi-task.

1.Research offers neurological evidence that the brain cannot effectively do two things at once -Rene Marois, PhD, Department of Psychology, Vanderbilt University

2.Effort and results are not linearly proportional.  In fact the Pareto Principle or the 80/20 rule means that in anything a few (20%) are vital and many(80%) are trivial. You can apply the 80/20 Rule to almost anything, from the science of management to the physical world.

One of my friends, who is a professor in a university, often, asks of his students to push their hands against something heavy and simultaneously solve math problems. In order to solve the simple math problem, the focus on pushing their hands against the heavy weight automatically reduces when compared to doing that activity on its own.  He asks them to engage in this activity to prove that multitasking deters productivity.

3.Performance suffers if you attempt two or more tasks that require the same brain functions. Most of us would be comfortable probably reading newspaper and listening to light music in the background.  However trying to be an active participant in a conference call and responding to emails simultaneously may not achieve optimal results in either because we use the same cognitive functions of the brain.

“There is time enough for everything in the course of the day, if you do but one thing at once, but there is not time enough in the year, if you will do two things at a time”  Lord Chesterfield, in a letter to his son in the 1740s.

Malcolm Gladwell in his book, “The Outliers : The Story of Success”, goes into depth about how all of the geniuses had worked 10,000 hours or more on their area of specialty before they became well-known. You will not be able work for so long unless and until you give full attention. All those who have achieved success credit it to practice and attention.  To Quote Isaac Newton-“If I have ever made any valuable discoveries, it has been due more to patient attention, than to any other talent.”

So how do we get away from these distractions or so-called multitasking:

1. To do list – Take a few minutes every day  either at the end of the day before you go to bed or at the beginning of the day to outline and write down the two or three most important things you want to accomplish tomorrow or on the day and the time by which you would like to achieve them.

2. Set a timer every hour. Pause and note all the tasks you are doing at that moment. Ask yourself: Am I doing what I most need to do right now?, Am I on track to complete my 2-3 most important tasks that I had enlisted.  How many times in each hour have I walked away from the original activity and checked emails, social media, and fallen prey to digital device distractions.

3. Mindfulness self-training – being aware of the current moment and emphasizing keeping one’s focus on the present moment and reducing distractions.  Systematically training your attention for e.g. Meditation or reading a good book and specifically assigning yourself some time each day to these activities will help improve your attention.

4. Life is short and you live once. Give your full attention to people, make them feel they matter. The best gift you can give to someone is your undivided attention.

5. Every time you get distracted or have an urge to do something else other than what you  originally set out to do, ask yourself is that the best use of my time? Do I really need to pay attention right now, to the activity that is distracting me?

6. Journaling – our mind wanders during the day since we probably have a million things to do, and achieve, which makes us agitated. Spending few hours a day writing your feelings, your emotions, things to do, ideas, frustrations helps to clear the mind and allows you to concentrate on those that deserves your utmost attention.

How has multitasking affected you, what steps have you taken to bring back your focus and attention? Please share in the comments section.

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5 Steps To Overcome Self-Limiting Beliefs

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Did you know that our self-limiting beliefs are one of the worst obstacles to moving forward in whatever we seek to achieve.  Self limiting belief is that inner thought in our head of doubting oneself and not trusting ourselves.

What are some of these self-limiting beliefs that sabotage our career, our development and our life

Could it be

  • I’m no good at public speaking
  • I’m no good at keeping time

We allow our negative thoughts and frustrations to deter our ability to adapt, to learn, to unlearn, relearn, and to try out new challenges.  The motivation to change has to come from within.  How does one do this?

For the 5 Steps to Overcome Self Limiting Beliefs please click on Link

Coaching can help you reinvent yourself, discover possibilities, and break through to confidence and maintain the new you.

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The 10 Cs Of Communication

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Communication can make or mar relationships at any level. Clarity is key to communication. Communication is not only verbal but also includes body language. Clarity in communication substantiates supports, authenticates and endorses the conversation.

Rely on the meaning, not just the words. You have to always think Why are you saying what you are saying and How do you want your receiver to feel after you have said what you have to say.

What is Important in Communication?

1. Clarity – less is often more and keep it simple and short.  This is one of the main reasons for the importance of elevator speech.

 2. Commonsense – a word once spoken cannot be recalled. Know Yourself no matter what situation you may be in. You need to apply good judgement and keep a degree of level-headed in every aspect of life.

 3. Consistency – trust is built only with consistency. Being reliable is key to building credibility in communication as in life. Lack of communication is another way of saying lack of trust.

 4. Confidence – credence, conviction, belief and trust are key pillars of communication. The way you communicate will reflect your level of confidence.

 5. Character – all forms of communication demonstrates your character, personality, mental make-up, level of integrity and the values that you hold.

 6. Commitment – your word is your bond and your personal image. Commitment includes not only a deal, a promise, a contract, but also day-to-day spoken words.

 7. Creativity – a picture speaks volumes. Telling a story or giving an example or showing a visual often reinforces what you are trying to convey. Use your creativity in articulating your message.

 8. Courage – Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak but it is also what it takes to sit down and listen – Winston Churchill. Courage is a mark of leadership and communication offers a multitude of channels to exhibit your gallantry in spoken and written form.

 9. Consideration – You need to  listen to understand rather than listen to respond. Nobody knows how much you know until they know how much you care.

 10. Competence – You are how you express yourself.  Competence needs effective communication.

Communication is an essential ingredient in our daily life.  Silence is not the answer to avoid challenges.  Communication gap is created by our apprehensions, fear, ego, assumptions, inability to address the issue and ask proper questions.  Are you underestimating the importance of communication?

‘Do You Communicate’, please refer my earlier blog post on this topic

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