Little Things That Matter

Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

Leaders Do Not LEAD

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Last Thursday, I had to go for a Nerve Conduction Test, that my doctor wanted me to do, since I was experiencing pain in the palm of my hands for past several months.

I had no idea what the test involved and I typically like to be in the know., I asked the assistant how long it would take and as I saw the doctor, soon after exchanging pleasantries, I enthusiastically asked him some specific questions on what the test involved. To one of my questions on where would he connect the electric nodes, he spontaneously responded “don’t worry there are no needles”. I had not expressed any fear of needles nor had asked anything about needles. My response that he can inject as many needles as the test may require and needles don’t scare me, because I have been a diabetic Type 1 for over 35 years, took him by surprise……

→How many times do we, when we are asked questions, tend to respond, based on our filters?

→How many of us patiently listen to the question empathetically?

→How many times do we listen without judgment and be in the moment?

→How many of us in our work and daily life, despite using the right tone, facial expression and body language, are made to feel guilty about asking questions ?

Leadership is about taking an overall perspective, having the humility to listen to another perspective and yet keep the communication and relationship healthy. Whilst giving an opinion may be adequate or necessary in some instances, in others it may not.

Leaders do not LEAD, when they Do Not

1.Let go

If we hold onto our bias, our filters, we will continue to view the world from that narrow perspective.
By not letting go of your baggage, you will be unable to influence others positively.

#Life will not be what you want it to be, if you and your view of the world is frozen. #leadership

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Let go and try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view #leadership

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2.Energize

Impactful #leaders pay attention to not only what they say but how they say #leadership

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. They energize their communication by expressing themselves powerfully and in that they do not judge and be swayed by opinions, likes or dislikes. They listen to connect and see things with a fresh perspective. They think before they speak and are conscious of their bias and its impact, if they do not reframe their communication.

3.Accept

If you fail to adapt, you will not #inspire others. #leadership

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As a leader, you need to trust your intuition. You realize that you don’t get to choose all the cards in your life but you do get to choose how you deal with the cards you are dealt in, by the attitude you take to the adversities.

4.Dare

Despite your experience, you dare to look at things with an unbiased and uncluttered mind.

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You make a conscious choice to look at things with a fresh pair of eyes. You are courageous to try out new things and ready to accept your mistake quickly, when you are wrong. If you do not dare to be a person who is genuinely interested in the other person, you will fail to build a rapport and enhance your relationships. 

#Leaders #LEAD by their character, walking their talk and giving others a fine reputation to live up to.

⇒How are you dealing with people and relationships in your life?⇐

⇒How do you choose to lead by example?⇐

Connect with me for leadership and communications training, workshops, one-on-one coaching.

 

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Five Reasons Why CARE Matters

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We went to one of our favorite French Restaurants, over the weekend. The chef who runs this restaurant is someone who cares consistently about the quality of his food and his customers.

We have been going to his restaurant, which has travelled many places within the city due to the ever rising rents, for more than 10 years. His current restaurant is small and can probably seat about 30 people. I would normally not go to a street where his restaurant resides currently. Yet, I went, only because of the care this chef has shown to his clients over the years in terms of the quality of the food and the service……

A friend of mine remarked in one of my conversations with her that a colleague of hers seems to have gone quiet. Somebody who was enthusiastic and trying to find ways to improve on things had suddenly lost her energy……

You don’t send me messages as often as you used to. What happened? This was one of my friends who asked me this? I got away by saying I was busy. Whilst I was busy, that definitely was not the real reason for not sending her messages as often as I used to. Fact is, I was tired of having a one way communication and decided I shouldn’t and probably somewhere I decided to change the care in that relationship……..

I was in a coaching supervision discussion two weeks back and one of the participants remarked that my client probably doesn’t care. That struck a chord in my mind…..

Care is so important and yet the most underestimated feeling in the business and corporate world.

I deliver sales training and conduct workshops related to sales amongst many other trainings and workshops and it is evident from the various stories that I hear that care, which is imperative in continuing a customer relationship, is one of the most ignored feeling.

Think about it, would you continue to do something with your heart, if you didn’t care.

A #mother’s #love is the true form of #care and it is imperative in the #Business and #Corporate world. #life

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⇒If you didn’t care for something, you lose interest.

⇒If you didn’t care, you will take everything for granted and become indifferent.

⇒If you didn’t care for a customer, you would not attend to every detail in that relationship and the latter comes from understanding the client.

⇒If you didn’t care, you would probably not try to resolve or suggest solutions to every inefficiency within the organization that you work with.

How many restaurants and businesses do you know which open with enthusiasm and as the business progresses, the attention to detail and little things that matter are taken for granted. In short they stop caring.

#Care matters in #influencing and maintaining a #relationship. #peopleskills #CSR #life

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As a leader how can you make sure that you continue to care ?

1. Care for the complaints

Complaints are irritating and can trigger a negative vicious cycle. But you need to distinguish between a complaint which is condemnation from one that is genuine and made with the intention of taking the business or company forward. Better still see if you can take care of those little things that matter that no complaints come up.

2. Care for your team and employees

Engaged employees are those who are recognized, respected and cared for by their manager and their organization. Get to know your team because it is the inner view that enables you to determine what is each of their interests and their strengths.

3. Care for them as a person

No matter who you are, be kind.

#Kindness makes a difference to someone’s day. #peopleskills #care #relationships #leadfromwithin

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4. Care for your customers

Customers are the backbone of any business. Without customers your business is non-existent. How would you like to be treated as a customer or as a person? 

Don’t forget to #care for your #customers. #CSR #peopleskills

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5. Care because it Matters

Would you like to be treated with care? Would you do anything consistently, if you didn’t care? Would you deal with someone, as a customer, as an employee or as a person, if the “care” aspect was missing?

You, as a #leader can #leadbyexample by showing you #care in who you are, what you do and what you say.

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Care because we all need Compassion, Appreciation, Reinforcement and Empathy.

How are you bringing “care” in everything you are and everything you do ?

How are you spreading the positivity in care?

For one-on-one coaching, workshops, training, speaking let’s connect

Don’t Take LIFE For Granted

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Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

This is one of the Human Relation Principles of Dale Carnegie.  The simplicity of this statement is complex in itself.  It is one of the most difficult to practice especially when things go wrong, you are experiencing a down and out day, and many moments in your life is filled with chaos, suffering and adversities.
Take for instance, when a customer service doesn’t take action and keeps saying sorry for the inconvenience caused and yet doesn’t show any signs of resolving the issue, most of our reaction is to criticize and get angry. There are many such similar events in our life when our patience is tested and we either complain or criticize.
If you observe, we criticize, condemn or complain not only about others but also ourselves.
How many times have you chided yourself ?
It is good to vent out, to seek improvement but we need to be thankful in life.
Three years back, after finishing my boot camp, whilst getting down some stairs on my way home, I fell down and fractured my ankle. I realized, how much I missed walking normally, how much I used and needed my ankle.  I have had many injuries and accidents and each of these have taught me the importance of that part of the body that I have injured.  Isn’t many aspects of our life, our relationships and the moments in our life similar? Do you take time to appreciate something when you have it or Do you realize the importance of something or someone after you don’t have it?
Life’s path is uncertain and yes we make choices and take chances but no matter how much we plan, not everything goes as per our plans. One way to reduce complaining is not to take life and the little things in life for granted
1. Thank you, please, sorry from the heart are three simple yet effective words. Make a difference by using these words as often as possible in a meaningful way. This applies in real life and on interactions in Social Media.
2. Take count of what you have in life and appreciate that.  Your health, your job, your family, your house and everything life has offered. Remember, there are many people who don’t have many things that you have.
3.  If challenges are what life has thrown at you, learn to see the positivity in those challenges and derive strength brick by brick.
4. If some relationships have turned sour, be thankful of the lessons that it has taught you.  Don’t take your relationships with family or friends for granted. No one is perfect. Communicate, clarify, listen, empathize, apologize because without these no relationship can last.
5. In every pain, sudden loss, and mishaps that occur  as difficult as it may be, learn to appreciate the lessons it has taught you.
Be thankful of every moment and every breath you take. Life lived in negativity, sarcasm and criticism is one of vain and a vicious circle. You can go to the spa, the mountains, the chalets and yet you will not find inner peace. Live in positivity, vent out, let go and make the journey of life your friend and find inner peace.
Extract from Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People “Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do.  That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism, and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. “To know is to forgive all”.
As Dr Johnson said : “God himself, sir does not propose to judge man until the end of his days.” Why should you and I ?
Learn to be kind to yourself and others. Live life in compassion and gratitude.

Are You Living on “Assumptions”

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“Oh you must be loaded since you contribute regularly to various charitable causes…….”
“She anyway does not care, why bother asking her?…..”
“She surely does not have much to say given that she is a quiet person….”
“You do yoga, you must be a pro at meditation and of course flexibility is never an issue for you……….”
“I assumed you were busy and wouldn’t come, so I did not ask you….
“He is always smiling, he has an easy life….”

What does what you just heard sound like ?

An assumption, a stereotype, a single story.

An assumption is something that is taken as the truth without attempting to check for facts. When you make an assumption, you assume characteristics of other people without really taking the time and effort to get to know them.

What happens when  you assume?

  • Does your self assumptions inhibit you from further development, growth and keeping an open mind?
  • Have you assumed that your customer is not interested in the diverse range of products your firm has to offer and thus you don’t bother exploring having a conversation with your client?
  • Have you assumed that your business partner or friend or spouse automatically knows what you want or the type of day you have had ?
  • If you think you are a leader do you ask questions to clarify or assume that your team has understood your vision and what you have expressed?
  • Have you asked why someone in a business or personal relationship consistently keeps calling you though you may have explicitly stated that you don’t want to be disturbed?
  • How many times do you generalize an entire country or nationality based on few people you happen to know?

Bottom line, every time you assume, you narrow your thinking, you stop exploring, you stop asking questions, you bring a parasite into your relationships, you could possibly end up spoiling your relationships, and make yourself unhappy.

  • How many times have you been at the receiving end and how many times have you assumed or used a single story on someone?
  • How have you felt when you have been a victim of an assumption either on social media or in real life?

Here is a Ted Video on The Danger of A Single Story

Find the courage to ask questions. Don’t make assumptions, since assumptions are the bane on relationships.

Do you want to limit yourself with a narrow and close minded view of the world?

Do you want to perceive the world through assumptions made on your narrow thinking of being influenced by others ?

Do you want to believe in Single Stories?

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Marcus Buckingham Alert: Hiring For Talent

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Joanne sits back in her chair deep in thought. She is concerned about her daughter Maria who has become very withdrawn, agitated at times and losing interest in whatever she is doing. She has two daughters Ann and Maria who are identical twins. She thinks back on the training and the access to facilities that she has given both her daughters. They have always been given the same training no matter in sport or any other field. Yet, Ann has been a consistent performer and enjoys whatever she does. Maria on the other hand seems disinterested in any of the activities.

Maria has got an innate talent to sing, to write poetry, to draw and she enjoys the few moments in her day when she does what pleases her inner soul. She has no interest in dance, swimming or learning the various languages. She forces herself to go to classes with her sister since her mom wants her to.

  • How many of you have been in a similar position?
  • Or as parents not recognized the innate talents of your children ?
  • How many of us in our organizations have not been recognized for our strengths and our innate talents?
  • How many of us have left our jobs because we feel under-utilized or because of our immediate managers?

Your talent is God’s gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God. Leo Buscaglia

Talent is something we are all born with – it is something that drives us, it is the way we think, and it is how we build relationships.  Skills can be taught but not talent. If someone by nature is meticulous and detail oriented or empathetic, these aren’t something you can teach another or even if you do they may not necessarily excel at it. Experience, brain power, and will power are important but it is the talent that carves our recurring thoughts, feelings or behaviors and they explain the Why,Who and How of a person.

Talent is the recurring behavior, feelings and thoughts. Our Strengths are built on fortifying our talents with knowledge and skills

For the Detailed POST, please CLICK THIS LINK 

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8 Keys To A Relationship

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Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

Those who fly solo often have the strongest wings – Unknown

I’ve always been enamored by this quote and to a very great extent it is true in terms of decisions and choices we make, the way we overcome a situation, and overall how we deal with the journey of life. However, we are not born alone, we live in a society, we live with other people like you and me and life teaches us that…

“Tough, you think you’ve got the stuff, You’re telling me and anyone, You’re hard enough,You don’t have to put up a fight,You don’t have to always be right, Let me take some of the punches,For you tonight, Listen to me now, I need to let you know,You don’t have to go it alone.”

Quoted from the U2 lyrics of ‘Sometimes You Can’t Make it On Your Own‘

Relationships to me means someone with whom you can share your completeness, be it a friend, a life partner, sister, brother, mother or father. A relationship should be one that recognizes you for what you are, challenges you, and allows you to grow.

I enjoy meeting people from different walks of life, from different countries because it enriches and inspires me. Some of these acquaintances have changed my perspective on life, have helped me overcome inhibitions, apprehensions and if nothing else has helped me become aware of my own strengths and uniqueness.

What are the keys to any relationship:

1. Space – the little space we allow and create in each of our relationships, be it a friend, spouse, sister, brother or parents, keeps it healthy and allows the relationship to nurture and grow.

2. Giving – no relationship can be one way. Being human, relationships go through highs and lows.  Each of us are driven by sensitivity, feelings and emotions. It is important to ‘give’ in a relationship, but you also need to know when to walk away or pull back.

3. Forgiving – we do get hurt from some relationships and as hard as it may be, it is best to forgive for our own peace of mind. The burden of carrying that hurt and anger is so heavy that we forget to be compassionate to ourselves. Forgiveness is just saying “I’m not going to allow what you did to me to ruin my life and growth.”

4. Worthy – You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot in someone’s life. Just like you don’t like to be forced into making space for someone in your life, don’t force someone to do the same. You are worthy and if the other person knows your worth they will make sure they see you in their life.  I’m a firm believer of relationships which stands the test of time and distance and resulting from a genuine need and desire for togetherness rather than by imposition and demand for an everlasting bond.

5. You Matter –  we are courteous and polite to our office colleagues and strangers on the road, but forget to extend the same to people who have been with us through thick and thin. We forget to thank them, recognize their presence and very often take them for granted. Imagine the joy you would feel if people with whom you have stood by acknowledge to you “You Matter”. Never make people in your life feel unwanted. Life is short and never miss an opportunity to show your gratitude.

6. Cris-cross – not every person you meet may be your cup of tea. Some will use you, some will inspire you, some will test you and some will be with you for the long run. Let go of those who decide to walk away for your own peace.

7. Communication – honesty and open communication is something we often take for granted. We allow our egos and pride to come in between relationships. We build walls rather than bridges. We live once, there may never be a tomorrow. Why hold on to ego and pride? No matter what or who you are, your attitude is the most important to keep a relationship healthy.

8. Gender – more often than not, men respond differently than women in relationships be it as a friend or spouse. Most men prefer to be curt and may not engage in niceties. That does not necessarily mean they don’t care. However most women, no matter how hectic their schedule may be between work and home commitments, find time to inquire about the overall well-being of the other. Women more often than not tend to share every detail of their day with their partner or friend and many times probably expect the same from the opposite sex be it a life partner or friend. Sometimes, our need for excessive communication can be draining leading to fatigue in a relationship.

Life has taught me that we need to give space even to our closest relationships. Each of us, man or woman, have our roles to play in life and none of us can get extra clingy. We need to allow and create the vacuum to grow the relationship.

Bottom-line a relationship can grow if it allows self acceptance, encouragement, give and take, emotional support and there is respect for each other.