“Oh you must be loaded since you contribute regularly to various charitable causes…….”
“She anyway does not care, why bother asking her?…..”
“She surely does not have much to say given that she is a quiet person….”
“You do yoga, you must be a pro at meditation and of course flexibility is never an issue for you……….”
“I assumed you were busy and wouldn’t come, so I did not ask you….
“He is always smiling, he has an easy life….”
What does what you just heard sound like ?
An assumption, a stereotype, a single story.
An assumption is something that is taken as the truth without attempting to check for facts. When you make an assumption, you assume characteristics of other people without really taking the time and effort to get to know them.
What happens when you assume?
- Does your self assumptions inhibit you from further development, growth and keeping an open mind?
- Have you assumed that your customer is not interested in the diverse range of products your firm has to offer and thus you don’t bother exploring having a conversation with your client?
- Have you assumed that your business partner or friend or spouse automatically knows what you want or the type of day you have had ?
- If you think you are a leader do you ask questions to clarify or assume that your team has understood your vision and what you have expressed?
- Have you asked why someone in a business or personal relationship consistently keeps calling you though you may have explicitly stated that you don’t want to be disturbed?
- How many times do you generalize an entire country or nationality based on few people you happen to know?
Bottom line, every time you assume, you narrow your thinking, you stop exploring, you stop asking questions, you bring a parasite into your relationships, you could possibly end up spoiling your relationships, and make yourself unhappy.
- How many times have you been at the receiving end and how many times have you assumed or used a single story on someone?
- How have you felt when you have been a victim of an assumption either on social media or in real life?
Here is a Ted Video on The Danger of A Single Story
Find the courage to ask questions. Don’t make assumptions, since assumptions are the bane on relationships.
Do you want to limit yourself with a narrow and close minded view of the world?
Do you want to perceive the world through assumptions made on your narrow thinking of being influenced by others ?
Do you want to believe in Single Stories?
Reblogged this on FIND YOURSELF HERE LTD..
Great post Lalita! Assumptions can really distort a leader’s view on what is actually happening on their team. You are so right that asking questions is the perfect antidote to assuming. We need to remember that we are not mind readers nor are our team members. Thanks!
Thank you Terri. Oh yes, none of us are mind readers and as human beings and leaders the least we could do is to clarify and ask relevant questions.
Beautiful, Lalita.
I just recently witnessed an “assumption” at work… I say witnessed, because I chose to not take part in the rumor mill or negative assumptions, even righteous indignation over what was perceived as a slap… at me!
A month later, the real story came to me… and it was almost laughable. I say almost because it was very serious to this person everyone was ready to burn in effigy. It was simply a misunderstanding based on a very real fear. It took awhile to calm down enough to talk about it, and it was simply a misunderstanding, but the whole experience resonated with me over the entire month long time span that this took place over.
As a Leader, I chose not to just throw this person away. I chose to wait until they could or would speak out and up to me about what was truly bothering them. I decided, quite deliberately, not to “assume” I knew what the other person was thinking or feeling.
Lalita, I feel as if the entire world is brighter to me over these last few years. I feel as if I am finally beginning to understand that there is a real purpose for ME… to be alive, to be ready. I know from my own experiences, that no one else on this planet can understand the monster that lives inside me, just waiting to have me weak and in the dark. Alone and frightened. But what I have learned is that I am not really alone, I never was. So that is my mission until He makes clear what I am making myself ready for. To be sure no one else suffers those same torments, alone. We are all in this together.
And we cannot and will not win, by making assumptions.
Thank you, my dear, wise friend.
Thank you my dear Amber Lee. You have expressed your experience very well and yes well said that we cannot and should not live on assumptions. Even the little insignificant assumptions that we make in daily conversations is one I try to stay away from and it is a continuous learning process.
Thank you my friend for sharing your experience, you are a true human being.
Spot on points, Lalita. Making assumptions on others can take us on many wrong paths. Rather than making an assumption, we need to spend the time asking questions and really listening to another. It is an act of attention instead of an act of assumption. Thanks for your insights on this! Jon
Thank you Jon. I always appreciate your support.