Little Things That Matter

Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

Smile and the World Smiles With You

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Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

I was conducting a group coaching session few weeks back and one of the participants didn’t smile throughout the first day. Every time I looked at this participant and engaged with her, the smile was missing, no matter what the discussion or activity was. The participant got the benefit of the group coaching and this was evident from her feedback and by her behavior towards the end of the session on day 3.

Smile was something she never associated with the business world. She lived so much in achieving her goal and when she was in that frame of mind, she forgot to smile. She forgot that smiling made her look natural and less stressed when she was communicating and engaging in the business world.

Have you observed that in the Doctor’s waiting room there is rarely a smile visible. Two years back, I was waiting at the Doctor’s clinic, for an X-ray, since I had a bad fall and a suspected fracture. There was no one in the waiting room for the Radiologist, so when he came up to me and asked me who was the patient, I was taken aback. I told him that I am the patient who is waiting to get an X-ray done on my ankle. He couldn’t believe it and the reason he stated was because I was smiling!

Yes, hospitals and doctors’ clinic waiting room are typically bereft of a smile. There is an atmosphere of glum and this fuels the negativity that exists in that moment in our own minds.

Smiling when one is undergoing a challenge, adversity or pain is difficult but not impossible.

Have you noticed how babies win the heart of others by their wonderful and spontaneous smile ?

Dogs are a hit with dog lovers. They are so glad to see you and there is no one who welcomes you the way your dog does. They are so glad to see their human friends that they jump out of their skins and aren’t we glad to see them.

Smile is something we often take for granted. Yet there is magic about a genuine smile.

Why Smile? Smile because

1. It’s worth it.
2. It brings a smile on someone else’s face and makes their day.
3. It makes you happy as much as you make up your mind to be.
4. It eases the challenge and adversity in that moment and sends positive signals to your brain.
5. It minimizes the stress and overwhelm in that moment, thus giving you insights.  Click To Tweet
6. It brings out the humility and humanity in you.
7. It helps you create the right attitude to that moment.
8. It opens the door to new connections and relationships.
9. A spontaneous smile happens in a flash and the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.
10. Nobody needs a smile so much as those who have none left to give in that moment. Click To Tweet

You are your brand and why not be a messenger of good will with your smile. Click To Tweet

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

The Essence Of A Simple Life

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Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

The sun shines brightly, the sky is blue, the wind blows gently on your face and November – March is the best time to have several dates with nature. I enjoy hiking and being up, close and personal with nature.

I went on a hike on Sunday and it was up one of the shortest but steepest peaks in Hong Kong. The path was gravelly with the downhill more challenging than the uphill.

With each of these hikes along a gravelly downhill path, I can’t help but think about life and the challenging moments she throws at us.

I tread the path downhill with care, caution yet overcoming the fear that I will go tumbling down. That is where focus, mindfulness and believing in myself helps a lot. How similar is this to life in the down and out moments?

I have also observed that people whom I meet in these hikes are friendly, smiling, willing to help and appear more relaxed and filled with eagerness to reach the top of the hill and explore their own fitness or new routes or adventures. You’ll most likely have an exactly opposite experience in the hum drum of the city if you were to bump into the same person on a week day near the office.

How can we bring this human touch to a manic day ?
How do we live life and enjoy the moments that she blesses us with ?
What has each reconnection with nature taught me ?

  1. Saying “please”, “thank you”, “sorry” honestly, sincerely and spontaneously. Smile because you don’t need a reason.
  2. Give honest and sincere appreciation to people whom you work with and to your near and dear ones.
  3. Replying to emails or returning phone calls because you care and you can show you care.
  4. Walking away when a negative emotion arises and not falling prey to that vulnerable moment.
  5. Forgive even when someone has hurt you not for them but for you to heal.
  6. Challenge yourself, step out of your comfort zone, grow and develop but learn to be compassionate with yourself.
  7. When you are alone watch your thoughts and when you are with others watch your words.
  8. Being committed to your word to others because you care for your character.
  9. Recognizing your ideal self and invoking essence of hope and compassion.
  10. Doing a random act of kindness to another human being or creature.
  11. Reading a good book as a regular habit.
  12. Spending time with Nature in the form of hikes, treks, swimming, rafting, sky diving and various other outdoor activities.
  13. Spending quality time with family and friends and doing it often.
  14. Lighting aromatic candles in your home and decorating your home with bright colors.
  15. Listening to understand and not to respond.

Each downturn or challenging moment in work or life although similar to the gravelly narrow path downhill seems to be more stressful. Whilst what life throws at us is not entirely within our control the attitude we take is entirely within our control.

I remind myself of some of the 15 points that I have mentioned, in my down and vulnerable moments.

→Resonant leaders are those who are emotionally self-aware, socially intelligent and have the cognitive intelligence.
→What do you do to not fall a victim to your moment of stress ?
→How are you becoming resonant leaders?

For Coaching, Facilitating and Speaking Connect. About Lalita Raman

Leadership And The Art Of Communication

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Last week on Wednesday, I was attending a meeting and one of the conversations was about organizing events where we could bring out the best in Women and show diversity of women by getting those who practice it to share their experiences. Along with this, some of us were of the view that we should combine this talk with some fun, food and frolic. While this conversation was going on, I suggested that maybe we should consider a theme party and before I could finish my statement, I heard a woman who was dominating the meeting till then, cut me off by laughing and saying “oh God, no, I hate fancy dress parties”.

For a second or two I was upset but decided to smile. I smiled, because at that moment I had a flash of this particular extract from Pema Chodron’s quotes that I had read the day before.

“It’s not life that causes suffering, says Buddhist teacher Pema Chödrön, it’s our story about life—our interpretation—that causes so much distress. When we practice interrupting the story we’re telling ourselves, and learn to ride the wave of emotions that inevitably come up in life, we can find a new freedom and flexibility in the face of uncertainty and change.”

I shy away from networking meetings, especially those over drinks or lunch without a talk or event. One of the main reasons I’m uncomfortable with these type of networking events is that I find most people not wanting to have a proper conversation. Most, whom I encounter at such events are those who give you a fleeting glance whilst making an effort to talk to you. They are either too busy with their smart phones or scouting the room whilst pretending to talk to you or anyone else they meet in the room.

Last Thursday, I made a conscious effort to go to one of the Alumni networking events and whilst I was almost on my way out, I met a person with whom I had a long and meaningful conversation. This person appealed to me because he did not flash his ego or titles or business cards or his position in his company. We spoke about values, state of the world, differences and similarities in culture and how important it is to get fulfillment on a daily basis and how we can explore this path on a daily basis. When I suddenly looked at the watch, I realized that it was well past the time I had planned to leave. We started and ended on a high note.

I smiled and at that moment realized how important it is to be present. I remembered a quote From Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living by Pema Chödrön, page 116, that made perfect sense to me, because I had experienced this whilst I was conversing with this person. “If we really want to communicate, we have to give up knowing what to do. When we come in with our agendas, they only block us from seeing the person in front of us. It’s best to drop our five-year plans and accept the awkward sinking feeling that we are entering a situation naked. We don’t know what will happen or what we’ll do.”

How many times do we enter a room and feel uncomfortable ?

What is the reason for this discomfort?

Yes, there are many times when many of us come into a conversation with pre conceived notions or agendas.

Some of these situations, where I am aware, yet find it difficult to go with a completely open mind is

– interviews
– business development meetings
– networking drink or lunch meetings with no event attached
– a meeting where negotiation is part of the agenda
– meeting someone for the first time as a potential client
– meeting people ahead or after a workshop, training or presentation.

Over the years, I have become less conscious in some of the above situations because I have consciously told myself and re-engineered my brain to go with an open mind. I have also realized that the more I go with a preset notion or the more apprehensive I have been, the less effective the conversation has been.

Communication happens best when there are no agendas and you allow the space to be filled with the flow. The flow can be silence, laughter, conversation, emotions, body language, facial expressions and everything that allows you to be who you are. A space that allows your soul to shine and where you are not interrupted, judged, criticized or expected to act in a particular way.

Whilst not every conversation in our day-to-day life may quite meet the above, why don’t we create that flow in every opportunity that we communicate in?

How do leaders communicate in the know?

  1. by being flexible and adaptable
  2. by facilitating empowering and engaging conversations
  3. by listening to understand and not to respond
  4. listening without bias or prejudice
  5. listen to connect emotionally and intellectually and with empathy
  6. give undivided attention to the person with whom you are having a conversation with.
  7. a conversation is never one way though many behave in that fashion as was the lady in the meeting I attended on Wednesday. If you are a good communicator, you will initiate the conversation by taking genuine interest in others and what they have to say.
  8. you reinforce and clarify. You are concise and you encourage others to talk not only by the words you use but also by your body language and facial expressions.

When have you experienced communication at its best?

How are you creating the space for being a great communicator?

“That we close down is not a problem. In fact, to become aware of when we so is an important part of the training. The first step in cultivating loving-kindness is to see when we are erecting barriers between ourselves and others. Unless we understand-in a non-judgmental way-that we are hardening our hearts, there is no possibility of dissolving that armor. Without dissolving the armor, the loving-kindness of bodhisattva is always held back. We are always obstructing our innate capacity to love without an agenda.” ~Pema Chodron

How are you ready to play?

What has inspired you in those you consider good communicators and leaders?

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Living In The Moment

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Photo Credit : Lalita Raman

Photo Credit : Lalita Raman

I was at the gym yesterday and two women were exchanging a rather loud conversation in the ladies changing room.  I could not help pay attention to one of the remarks made by one woman to her friend. One of the ladies asks her friend, so how was your week-end to which her friend replies ” I spent a lot of my weekend living in the moment”. I turned around and had a smile on my face when I heard that remark. I smiled because it is not often that I hear that response. The lady who had asked her friend the question, of course was confused and started asking a lot of questions at which point in time I was well on my way out of the ladies changing room and was rushing for my class.

The moment that is now and every moment that is yet to arrive will be history by the time you finish reading this statement. Be in this moment, live and enjoy this moment.

These are statements that you read in blogs, quotes , hear from your friends and read in various self-help books and possibly remind yourself at various points in your day.

Have you wondered ever so often what does living in the moment mean?

How do you practice it in your busy days filled with tasks and different roles to play ?

Don’t we spend most of our lives thinking about something else other than what we are doing right now?

 “Human beings have this unique ability to focus on things that aren’t happening right now. That allows them to reflect on the past and learn from it; it allows them to anticipate and plan for the future; and it allows them to imagine things that might never occur,” said Matthew Killingsworth, a doctoral student in psychology and lead author of the study.

Whilst I was catching up on reading over the weekend, this video caught my attention. This Polar Bear Cub Has A Lot To Teach Us About Making the most of the moment and enjoying it while we can.

After I watched this video I got to thinking which are those moments when I know I am in the now and fully present. Thinking about this lead me to writing this blog post ….

When I :

  1. Am with nature either hiking, rafting, or on a boat.
  2. Am in a garden filled with beautiful flowers
  3. See a butterfly perched on a flower
  4. Am on a roller coaster
  5. In a coaching session when I know I have to be mindful and present and cannot allow my mind to wander.
  6. Walking with a dog or the time I spend with my friends dog.
  7. Taking a test or writing an exam
  8. Physical Painful moment which consumes my entire energy at that moment or when I see someone else in pain.
  9. Am at the gym and yoga.
  10. Reading an interesting book or watching a nail-biting movie.
  11. Listening to a story that is emotional.
  12. Cooking a new recipe
  13. Am taking on a new challenge
  14. Exploring new places whilst on travel.
  15. Am Laughing or crying.

Just connecting to some of these moments helps me to tide over times when my mind starts to wander. There are possibly many other moments when I am in the now but they typically range around one of the things that I have mentioned above.

How often have you been in situations when you realize that the person whom you are speaking to, is not there with you. One of the best ways to be empathetic is to practice connective listening. We live in a complex world today and yet there are many times you feel that there is not an empathetic ear to listen to you. What you need most is a special heart that listens in mind, body and soul to you. Practicing connective listening, in my view is possible only if you are in the moment.

Mindfulness is being fully involved in the moment of being or doing no matter what the task is even if that means nothing. Meditation helps you to be more mindful in each moment of choice, to be focused and fully aware.

When are the moments in your life when you have connected in the now?

How do you treat yourself to more of these live in the moment?

Does Your Behavior Reflect Who You Are or Desire To Be?

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→ How often are you inspired by a person whom you meet or read or hear about? → What is it about them that makes you listen or to follow what they are doing or learn a lesson or two from them?

A friend of mine, Carole called me last week saying she wanted to meet me. Carole is one of the most cheerful person I know and on that call she sounded hassled, frustrated and dejected.

I know she had suffered a huge financial loss recently having trusted someone she thought was a friend. The trust that she had placed on this person was misused, mishandled and every aspect of her belief and friendship was broken. I had learnt from her that she was making efforts to get her money back and the process had been none too easy.

When I met her that day, she shared with me her experience with a person whom she had met with regard to getting her money back.

This person whom she met is wealthy, well-connected and this is a known fact among most people in the city we live. Now you would think, this person would have some class and it is not necessary for him to be boastful about his wealth, his connections, number of times he has had an expensive dinner and how influential he is.

However, listening to her narrate the details of the meeting with this person, I started wondering

♦ If this person knew what self-worth was?
♦ Did he feel comfortable in his own skin?
♦ Why did he not allow his act to prove who he was?
♦Did he think that the only way to impress was to rant about his wealth and his connections?
♦ What did success mean to him?
♦ Why the desperation to prove who he is?

His behavior indicated a great sense of insecurity.

I place my value in the character of a person in the way they act and behave and not on the display of their wealth, connections and their titles. I realized why my friend sounded so exasperated when she called on me.

♠ Key Reflections ♠

→ Do you let your actions impress or your talk?
→ Have you paid attention to your talk to listen ratio ?
→ Is it possible for you to win someone’s heart by a smile, by being there to listen and being authentic and human
→ Do you spare a moment to think about moments when you were in a vulnerable position and had self doubts? What did you want amidst those challenges?

Interestingly, he had mentioned to my friend that he was doing this in the interest of goodwill. However, listening to my friend narrate the conversation with this gentleman, I didn’t see any such indications in his behavior.

I wonder if people like him ever ask of their behavior

→ Am I being true to myself?
→ Why do I do what I do?
→ Is inflating my ego more important than being human?

Leadership is not about titles or display of wealth or your power and control. People come and go, titles and other add-ons are short-lived. However, a person is remembered for their character and the way they choose to behave. Our test of character is in the most vulnerable moments and the choice is entirely ours to make. Awareness is an important ingredient to act in character. Awareness not only about self but others and empathizing with the situation is imperative in any form of communication.

♣ Key Reflective Question ♣

How would you want to be remembered ? Someone who just boasted about their connections, titles, and their power or someone who inspired others, helped people along the way, get alongside them because you cared.

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Life : 30 Little Things That Matter

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Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things – Robert Brault

If you observe children, you realize that they are overjoyed by jumping into the pool and feeling the splash of water on their feet, their body, they are so happy with a kiss, a hug, a small piece of chocolate. We have all been in those exact same moments and feelings. As children each of us have taken pleasure and been overjoyed with playing in the sand, building sand castles in the beach, making a snowman and breaking it, going on a merry-go-round, birds, dogs, a pool of water, the sea, the bright colors around us and many more things.

As adults, however in our quest to accomplish big things we often forget that life is made up of little things. The happiness of life is in small things – gratitude from the heart, a smile, helping somebody in need to cross the street, holding the door open as a matter of courtesy for the person behind you. In today’s modern age and technology surrounded world why do we as so-called grown ups forget that it in these acts of trivialities that the seeds of joy are there forever.

We build big houses surround ourselves with gadgets and other luxuries and yet find no time to enjoy the small pleasures of life. How many times have you walked or gone for a run and forgotten to appreciate the beautiful weather, the less polluted air for those who live in big cities, the chirping of birds, or a smile from a stranger.

Most of us long for the weekend and fail to enjoy the week which may be filled with a lot of beautiful though small things like a compliment, a smile, a hug, a kind word, a cheer, feeling fit and fine, rising to a new dawn. We choose to concentrate and discuss about the rude boss, or the work load or some other person who may have been rude or showed a complete lack of etiquette.  Yes, those acts do spoil the moment and we can choose to get irritated, but best to get over it and move on to appreciate the beautiful things around us.  Nature is beautiful and yet we ignore her.

So what are these little things that matter in each of our lives during a day be it a work day or holiday or a vacation.

1. Smile – a smile from or to a stranger or from or to someone you see in the elevator quite often.

2. Walking bare feet on grass and yes this is possible even in cities. I know I’ve lived in 3-4 cities which is filled with concrete buildings and yet I have managed to walk bare feet on grass.

3. Listening to music either at work or after work.

4. Hearing the chirp of birds if you really pay attention.

5. For those who enjoy workouts, being able to go to the gym or yoga.

6. Meditation and the clarity that one achieves with this simple mind exercise.

7. Enjoying waterfalls or walking bare feet on sand in the beach.

8. The sound of waves hitting the shores.

9. If your meals are made for you, enjoy it, because not many are blessed with the grace of the same.

10. Learn to appreciate the two or three meals that you have on a daily basis and if you are blessed with variety on a daily basis, be thankful and enjoy it.

11. Being able to have a hot shower or bath.

12. Feel of water running down your fingers or feet and the tingling sensation.

13. Having access to clean water 24 by 7.

14. Appreciate the aroma and beauty of flowers.

15.I love colors, they brighten my day and whenever I’m feeling low I make sure I either wear a bright color or at least surround myself with bright colors.

16. A coffee just the way you like it and enjoy.

17. Sleeping in for an extra 15-30 minutes after the alarm has gone off on days you choose to.

18. To admire and enjoy the sunrise and or sunset.

19. Enjoying the greenery around you or getting to a place where you can be surrounded by the beauty of mother nature.

20 Lighting a candle of an aroma that you enjoy once you get home and allowing yourself to breathe in the beauty of life.

21. To have a long conversation with a friend.

22.A stretch or a massage which just feels so good and perks you up.

23. Doing something wild that you have always enjoyed. For me it is going on a roller coaster ride or sky diving or even venturing out on a difficult hike.

24. Striking conversations with strangers, obviously with someone whom you feel comfortable.

25. Reading a book and enjoying every moment as you turn the pages.

26. Watching one of your favorite TV shows by cuddling yourself up in bed or on your couch.

27. We often buy gifts for others, and praise them for good work done but we forget to treat ourselves when we have achieved something which we had set a goal on. Pat yourself on the back and enjoy your achievements no matter how small they may be.

28. Take the time to feel your surroundings, to enjoy that cup of coffee, savor the chocolate, feel the hug, or relish every sip of wine.

29. Laugh out loud and enjoy the feeling.

30. Count your blessings no matter what they are, make it special for yourself and it does not matter if it is important to anyone else or not.

We all cherish some of our bygone moments as memories which is great but let’s be mindful and cherish the moments as they happen.

The list can go on and on.  What are the little things that matters to you that you would like to share?  Please feel free to share in the Comments Section.

Ten Steps To Nourish and Enjoy Life

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“Bloom where you are Planted” but has the adage now become “Survive where you are Stuck”.

Do we see life more as a culvert of survival or as a garden with significant possibilities for growth and blossoming? Life is a gift to us, which we need to cultivate, nurture, grow, spread kindness and love.

We should always cherish and encourage love, unity, service, generosity, justice and peace in whichever form and shape we can find and weed out all forms of evil, injustice, exploitation, insensitivity and cruelty.

Our greed and selfishness has not only fractured relationships with our family, friends and mankind, but we have severed our ties with Mother Earth. We abuse, torture and exploit Earth and Mother Nature. We must work to fulfil both, ourselves as well as our environment but at the same time care for our environment and not continue to harm Mother Nature but restore her pristine beauty.

“Life is not a bed of roses.” Even if it were, remember that roses bloom with thorns. So let’s sow seeds of life and tackle the hurdles that come our way.

10 STEPS T0 NOURISH AND ENJOY LIFE

1. Smile

An inexpensive way to cheer yourself and others. Make someone’s day and your own by smiling,

2. A kind word or deed– something as simple as Thank you for clearing my trash on a daily basis to the person who clears your garbage daily will make that person’s day. An example of a kind deed could be to help some one on the road if you see them carrying a huge load.

3. Apology – An apology is a proof that you have conquered your ego; it clears your heart and makes you realise that it is human to err. It also means that you value your relationships more than your ego. Would you rather be remembered for your kindness or about winning an argument.

4. Breadth of life –
Every breadth you take and the fact that you wake up each new day is a blessing in itself. Every morning is a symbol of rebirth of life.

5. Food –

The fact that you are able to eat a bare minimum of two meals a day in itself is something to be thankful about.

6. Friends –
Be thankful of the friends you can rely on and call on at any time. What would we do without them. Don;t take them for granted

7. Family– Your parents, your siblings, your spouse and the support they give you to be who you are on a daily basis.

8. Happiness – Happiness is a state of mind on a day to day basis. Words have an immense influence on the receiver and the speaker. Choose your words diligently and let anger not douse them.

9. Attitude – Attitude to anything in life makes a huge difference. We all have hurdles in life but the attitude we have towards each of these will dictate every moment of our day and life. Make it a good one and you will enrich your life and those around you. Having the right positive attitude is something that we need to remind ourselves consciously especially when we are having a challenging day.

10. Passion –
Each of us have our own passion and activities that we engage ourselves passionately in. I’m very passionate about hikes about helping some one in need. While many of us may not be able to engage ourselves in what we are passionate about each and every moment, it is crucial we make time for things we love. Go where you want to go and follow your intitution. Don’t restrict yourself by the boundaries created by others.

All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better. Ralph Waldo Emerson.

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SHOW SOMEONE YOU CARE

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This is an email I received from a friend of mine. I loved the message and thought I should share..

If those who owe us nothing gave us nothing, how poor we would be.  ~Antonio Porchia

I was sitting at the bar of a local restaurant having lunch and taking a break from the daily grind, sitting there thinking about how tough I had it lately and how I was sick of what I was doing. I own a landscape company and never felt I made a difference in people’s lives.

As I sat there feeling sorry for myself, a pretty girl who looked about 25 walked in and sat down in a booth waiting for her friend. It didn’t take long before I saw she was trying to stay hidden in a way from other people’s gazes and my heart sank. You could see her hair was falling out and, at such a young age, she was receiving chemo.

I sat there watching her trying to remain composed and she was having a tough time of it. I ached for her, imagining what it must be like to go through this and yet I know some of her pain. You see I buried my wife, the love of my life just a few short years ago and watched her slowly fade away. I needed to get a message of hope to this girl but how? What could I do?

Then it hit me! I called over her waitress and explained that I wanted to buy the girl and her friend’s lunch but I also told her you can’t tell her it was me, it had to remain anonymous. In doing so, I handed her a note to give to the girl when she told her that her tab was paid.

The note read as follows: Someone today thought you were beautiful, someone today thought your smile glowed with excitement, someone today thought your eyes lit up the world, someone today cared and wanted you to know this. Enjoy the rest of your day, pretty young lady”.

About 15 minutes later the young girl asked for her check and I watched as she was told it was paid for. She asked why? Who? What for? The waitress simply handed her the note and informed her that the gentleman who did it left, as to keep me anonymous.

I watched as she slowly read the note. Her eyes teared up, for only a moment, and then came the smile! A huge, beautiful, hopeful smile! She lit up the room and then sat up straight, not caring who saw her. Her friend also beamed, not for what was done but because her friend was feeling beautiful again.

It’s not how we look or what we have, it’s not our houses or how many cars we have, nor is it how much money we can earn. No, it isn’t. You see it’s all about how much we care and what we do, even if it’s making someone feel pretty only for a moment.

Yes, lunch cost only a few dollars but you see the wonderful part, the magic was free.

Make a difference today in just one life; it’s free.