Little Things That Matter

Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

Top Five Questions On Work-Life Balance

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Lalita Raman

Lalita Raman

Jack has had several busy work weeks. His morning starts off early and his day doesn’t end till after midnight. He spends most of his weekends working. He realizes that he doesn’t have time for his family, friends or “me” time.
He was constantly in catch-up mode and feels he is in a manic rat-race. He wondered where and when he had lost his work-life balance.

Work-life balance is a catch-all phrase that is considered to be a big problem in many people’s life.
Do you think that work-life balance is an issue for you ?
What does the phrase work-life balance mean to you ?

1. Do you know who you are?
Have you discovered your a) personal goals, b) business and career goals and c) personal growth and development goals?
Personal goals – this is what drives you from moment to moment in your quest for knowledge, your relationships, your family, your desire to earn money, how you see yourself and in the society you live.
Business and career goals – This is the means (how) by which you achieve your personal (why) goals, both tangible and intangible. What skills do you need to develop your talents so that you can progress in your career.
Personal Development Goals – what is your purpose? What are your values? Who are you? An identity that is not associated with what you do but a reflection of your values and your behavior and action. This is the goal that assists you in growth and self-development.

2. What are you passionate about?
Think of all those things that you absolutely love to do. These are activities, which even if you do only for a short time in a day refreshes you. There are many times in our life where we cut down on our sleep, “me `time” and many other activities because we have to complete a project. I’ve found that even during these moments in my life, listening to music or working out may be for a short span of fifteen minutes helps me rejuvenate and I don’t feel overwhelmed. Taking time out for things you absolutely love helps you focus better.

3. What would you do if you had no limits or you knew you would not be judged for what you do?
Even if you are a person who is confident and not that concerned about what people think, you succumb to the pressure to excel in what you do. The pressure from your own inner standards and also one from the outer world where you want to be appreciated rather than judged. When you feel you are on a hamster wheel, asking yourself about the possibilities helps you break your mental frame of mind. Your priorities become clear when you let yourself lose from the shackles of your mind.

4. Do you take a flexible approach?
A routine and structure is good but every day need not look the same. Taking a break from the routine helps you re-energize. Sometimes your work may need more of your time and at other times your personal life. Be flexible.

5. Do you embrace perfection? Whilst there is nothing wrong in maintaining high standards of quality in whatever you deliver, you cannot be at all places at all times. Learn to let go be it at home or work. You are not indispensable and life at work or home will go on without you being present all the time at both these places.

If you set your priorities right and have made a choice to spend more time on one aspect of your life for a period of time, don’t allow your mind to play games. Go with the flow, be present in whatever you are doing and reenergize with power naps or breaks.

Whenever you feel imbalance in your work and personal life, reexamine your life, your time usage and determine if you need to re-prioritize.

What is your vision?
What do you seek to achieve?
What are you doing to get closer to your vision?

Does Hope Matter At The Face of Destiny?

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How many times have you heard people say , “You Control Your Destiny” and not vice versa.

How do you progress in life?

How do you achieve what you are passionate about ?

How do you translate your vision into action ?

How do you on a day-to-day basis get to where you want to be ?

Each of us have our dreams, our passions, our purpose in life which drives us and makes us come alive ?

Without putting an effort our dreams would never get fulfilled, if we leave everything to destiny.

Yet Destiny plays an imperative role in our journey of life, one we can’t change.

Do I believe in destiny?

Recent events in my life have convinced me that we can’t change our destiny. Two of my close family members are facing destiny, as I type this.

My Father in law is battling with his life for the past two months in the ICU and my mother’s health seems to be on a continuous downtrend.  Doctors and family members are doing everything they can. Prayers, medications, enquiries with various experts continue but yet I and others in our family feel helpless.  It feels that Destiny is shaping their life and we are watching helplessly.

Destiny after all controls when we die, and no matter what, none of us can control it. Yes we can control how we live but if we are destined to die in a particular way there is no changing that.  When you go through such events in your life it makes you wonder do we have control over what finally dictates our fate?

My mom has always been very careful with the way she has lived her life. She has always been kind, thankful, and helpful. Though she came from a conservative family, she has always been bold and empowered herself in her journey of life. She has always been meticulous, disciplined and a human being from whom I have learnt a lot. Yet where she stands today, she suffers at the hands of destiny.

I often question as to why her ? Doesn’t the balance sheet of her life need to tally in that when all she has done is good, why make her suffer?

Old age has its own share of miseries some of which may be caused by the way we have lived our younger years and yet others beyond our control.  You may say why worry about things beyond your control. Yes, but when you see your mom suffer and you aren’t able to do anything, you feel helpless and defeated.

Have I given up hope? No, hope is what is taking me through from day-to-day. My mind is restless and the flight from Hope to hope through each moment is what carries me through.  Hope is the power of being cheerful in circumstances which we know to be desperate. –G.K. Chesterton

Extreme hopes are born of extreme misery. –Bertrand Russell

I can only pray for miracles at this stage. I pray that their suffering reduces. I am pained to see my Dad’s pain. He is the best optimist I have always known and yet there are times of despair in his eyes.

My mother in law is a woman of tremendous strength and yet she feels helpless and hopeless that she is not able to do much in being able to reduce the pain and suffering her husband is going through.

Each of our strength and character has been tested in the past several months.

What have I learnt and still learning?   To believe in destiny but yet not give up hope. I have reiterated to myself to be realistic but be positive and be gratuitous to what I have amongst suffering and despair. It is moments of positivity that carries me through. I remind myself to treat life well rather than get hung up on people’s attitudes, ego and arrogance. I consciously avoid the naysayers, the arrogant and egoistic people because they don’t matter. You know your true friends in your life’s challenges. I am learning to value each moment through mindfulness, rather than worry about how tomorrow is going to be.  I don’t want to lose each moment that has been gifted to me with my loved ones.

I don’t want to give up, so God help me.

 

 

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What Makes You Come Alive?

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“The purpose of life is a life of purpose.” ― Robert Bryne

Life has a different meaning to each of us & in the many earth shattering moments that life presents us, some of us look for our calling. I believe that no matter how big or small, each of us, are driven by a purpose.

One of my friends had come to visit me a week back and we were catching up on family, events and life. She asked me how my parents were doing and I mentioned to her that my mom was not keeping too well. Her mom wasn’t keeping too well either. Each of us remarked that age adds its own share of twists and turns to life.

But then, I got thinking and told her, you know, what saddens me the most is that I feel that my mom has lost the drive, the sense of need to fight back. Of course her health has been challenging, but many times I feel she perhaps feels that she has lost the ‘Purpose’. My friend listening to my remark and my description of the various aspects of how my mom was, nodded in agreement.

Purpose in life is what leads us. This passion could be varied from bringing up children, serving and helping the needy, becoming one of the world’s richest entrepreneur, winning an Olympic medal, to looking after your family and home.

For each of us who are committed in doing what gives us joy, with sudden challenges like health issues, accidents or any other calamity, some of us feel cut off from our purpose. We feel there is no driving energy for our life.

My mom had a busy life and took joy in bringing up her two daughters, looking after her husband and her home. She made sure that the home was a temple filled with love, values and warmth. She worked hard for this and achieved this day in and day out. In the past few years on the advise of her doctor she is not allowed to do any household chores. May be, she feels that an important part of her life was taken away from her.

You may ask why don’t I ask her or talk to her. I have and continue to do so. She of course denies but I just sense a feeling of loss from her eye expressions and I feel sad.

We all live for a purpose and despite what life throws at us, somehow we need to get ourselves to change course without losing hope and momentum.  This is something that has to come from within. Hope is not something we can deny ourselves nor others. I don’t believe in giving false hope. You need to face reality but you should not lose enthusiasm nor lose the drive.

I constantly derive a lot of inspiration from my parents, my sister and from the various life stories of people that I meet or read or hear about.

One person who comes to my mind is Christopher Reeve.  Despite his paralysis, Reeve was determined to be financially self-sufficient. Less than a year after his injury, Reeve began to accept invitations for speaking engagements. He through his actions showed each of us that there can be life even after a serious injury and one should never give up.

Purpose in life is something each of us can associate with but sometimes we have to change paths to achieve our dreams or vision.

“There is a fire inside, Sit down beside it. Watch the flames, the ancient, flickering dance of yourself.” John MacEnulty

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Twelve Ways to Inspire Yourself When You Are Feeling Down & Out

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“None but ourselves can free our minds.” ― Bob Marley

In our life today we face an enduring issue of one too many negative things and few positives. Right from newspapers, TV and other forms of media be it political, economic, or social there is a lot of negative incidents, news, events, mishaps. On top of this if you are having an out of sorts day, it is difficult to keep the positive momentum because we could be so imprisoned by our state of mind, that we forget to step back and look at things with a fresh perspective.

There is a confusion of values among the youth which is aggravated by the wrong portrayal of fame and success that mass media and social media often tend to reflect. There seems to be an  increasing number of people who are beginning to feel negative in their outlook.

I met a woman entrepreneur the other day who seemed dejected and felt that she was being attacked by stress and negative emotions.  When she told me her story, the positive takeaways for me were that she had determination, passion and love for what she did and had managed to grow her revenues by 20% and most important she had touched the hearts of many a tourist and child through her works of art.

This woman runs her own business of arts and crafts and supplies to museums, souvenir shops, gift shops and several private establishments. Today she is at a stage where she wants to expand and grow and is making efforts to achieve that. But she is overwhelmed by her negative thoughts, apprehensions and feels her life is out of control.

She is however not alone.   In reality, she may just be a cynic and not a negative personality. But the forlornness of the big cities, where youngsters follow their dreams and passion becomes the breeding ground for negativism and depression to flourish.

Statements like I’m no good at writing, or I am a born loser or I can never get any job done on time are self-fulfilling and ultimately strangle the personality they feed on.

We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think.  The amygdala is most commonly associated with our emotions of fear and anxiety.  Negative thoughts trigger  electro-chemicals in our brains which in turn triggers our decisions and behavior. The more we keep getting such negative thoughts, the more our brain keeps getting hardwired to being receptive to such thoughts.

It is important to recognize these negative emotions but not allow them to control us. Here are 12 simple ways to break away from the Negative Emotional attractor

1. Reframe the Negative statements that you keep telling yourself. For e.g. Instead of saying I’m no good at writing, may be change your thought or statement to “I need to hone my writing skills and I’m working on it.”  I find positive self talk to be a great motivator.

2. Express gratitude. Make a conscious effort to do a kind deed.

3. Encourage someone. Make them realize that they matter and what they do matters.

4. Exercise – I find that exercise triggers the endorphins and releases the stress and flushes out the negative thoughts.

5. Focus on things within your control and things you are good at.  Feel good at doing those things first and then move on to new challenges.

6. Learn something new for which you have a passion for.

7. Talk to your dog, if you own a dog.. I find  dogs and puppies to be great stress busters. I feel a sense of joy, the moment I look at a cute dog picture or video.

8. Talking to a close friend or a family member or a Samaritan helps.  It’s imperative to have circle of positive friends who will inspire you.  “Tell me who your friends are and I will tell you what you are … As goes the American saying.

9. Keep milestones and measure your progress against them. Checking off against an achieved milestone can be one of the most rewarding acts to keep moving forward.

10. Read a book or some inspiring quotes. These days there are several Self Motivation posts on various blogs which definitely would be a Positive Emotional Attractor.

11. Chin up – good posture and a smile always helps.

12. Listen to music. Music is to the Soul what words are to the mind.  ” I think music in itself is healing. It’s an explosive expression of humanity. It’s something we are all touched by. No matter what culture we’re from, everyone loves music.” Billy Joel

Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you riding through the ruts, don’t complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don’t bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality. Wake Up and Live! Bob Marley

Ten Steps To Nourish and Enjoy Life

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“Bloom where you are Planted” but has the adage now become “Survive where you are Stuck”.

Do we see life more as a culvert of survival or as a garden with significant possibilities for growth and blossoming? Life is a gift to us, which we need to cultivate, nurture, grow, spread kindness and love.

We should always cherish and encourage love, unity, service, generosity, justice and peace in whichever form and shape we can find and weed out all forms of evil, injustice, exploitation, insensitivity and cruelty.

Our greed and selfishness has not only fractured relationships with our family, friends and mankind, but we have severed our ties with Mother Earth. We abuse, torture and exploit Earth and Mother Nature. We must work to fulfil both, ourselves as well as our environment but at the same time care for our environment and not continue to harm Mother Nature but restore her pristine beauty.

“Life is not a bed of roses.” Even if it were, remember that roses bloom with thorns. So let’s sow seeds of life and tackle the hurdles that come our way.

10 STEPS T0 NOURISH AND ENJOY LIFE

1. Smile

An inexpensive way to cheer yourself and others. Make someone’s day and your own by smiling,

2. A kind word or deed– something as simple as Thank you for clearing my trash on a daily basis to the person who clears your garbage daily will make that person’s day. An example of a kind deed could be to help some one on the road if you see them carrying a huge load.

3. Apology – An apology is a proof that you have conquered your ego; it clears your heart and makes you realise that it is human to err. It also means that you value your relationships more than your ego. Would you rather be remembered for your kindness or about winning an argument.

4. Breadth of life –
Every breadth you take and the fact that you wake up each new day is a blessing in itself. Every morning is a symbol of rebirth of life.

5. Food –

The fact that you are able to eat a bare minimum of two meals a day in itself is something to be thankful about.

6. Friends –
Be thankful of the friends you can rely on and call on at any time. What would we do without them. Don;t take them for granted

7. Family– Your parents, your siblings, your spouse and the support they give you to be who you are on a daily basis.

8. Happiness – Happiness is a state of mind on a day to day basis. Words have an immense influence on the receiver and the speaker. Choose your words diligently and let anger not douse them.

9. Attitude – Attitude to anything in life makes a huge difference. We all have hurdles in life but the attitude we have towards each of these will dictate every moment of our day and life. Make it a good one and you will enrich your life and those around you. Having the right positive attitude is something that we need to remind ourselves consciously especially when we are having a challenging day.

10. Passion –
Each of us have our own passion and activities that we engage ourselves passionately in. I’m very passionate about hikes about helping some one in need. While many of us may not be able to engage ourselves in what we are passionate about each and every moment, it is crucial we make time for things we love. Go where you want to go and follow your intitution. Don’t restrict yourself by the boundaries created by others.

All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better. Ralph Waldo Emerson.

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Road to Nowhere

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“We’re on a road to nowhere
Come on inside
Takin’ that ride to nowhere
We’ll take that ride……..”

Don’t we all feel, many a time, that we are on A Road to Nowhere.

….But with enthusiasm, courage, love & passion each of us can take the unknown journey & Make this World A Better Place.

Let’s Strive to Make this World Slightly Better Each Day………

“We’re on a road to nowhere
Come on inside
Takin’ that ride to nowhere
We’ll take that ride……..”

Don’t we all feel, many a time, that we are on A Road to Nowhere But with enthusiasm, courage & passion each of us can take the unknown journey & Make this World A Better Place.

Let’s Strive to Make this World Slightly Better Each Day………