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Archives for August 2012

Four Little Known Personality Traits That Could Affect Your Relationships

26 August 2012 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

Picture a scenario in a playground or in a jail where a large bulky kid beats up a small kid or a large honcho in a jail victimizes a relatively weak soul. Most of us can easily associate with this character, called The Bully

Bullies are one we either witness as a child or one some of us may have been victimized by.

In organizations as well we do face bullies but the behavior is not in the form of beating up somebody physically.

The Karpman Triangle describes some habitual roles or positions that people tend to take up in a negative situation or while in conflict. This model suggests that each of us display unconsciously motivated behavioral patterns with the people whom we are in contact with.  There is an unconscious belief/s that drives our behaviors or actions which causes or contributes to evoke a feeling.  This feeling augments beliefs or perceptions about ourselves and others and how we fit in and how we are treated.   Most of these beliefs or perceptions are negative.   The model posts three habitual psychological roles. But research by some of the Coaching Institutes have added a fourth behavior.

The three roles are : Bully, Victim, Rescuer and the Fourth one being Seducer. How do you recognize people who display traits of each of the 4 categories,

Each of us at various times do play some of these roles depending on the situation but the concern is when the drama traits become a dominant factor.

As Coaches, we do meet clients who may display some of these traits on a dominant basis.

Insecurity, feeling unwanted expressed in ways of helplessness or acting very busy or acting as if they are the most important are traits which need to be addressed. 

For the Full Post Please Click the Link 

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Filed Under: Coaching, Habits, Relationships

10 “Choice” Secrets That Each Of You should Know

19 August 2012 By Lalita Raman 1 Comment

On April 26, 2003, Ralston, a 27-year-old mountaineer set out on a day of adventure in remote southeast Utah, alone and without telling anyone where he had gone.

“I dislodge – I pull – a large, like, 800-pound rock loose, that falls with me and eventually traps my right hand against the canyon wall.

He had only a liter of water, and no jacket. “I didn’t have plans to be out overnight,” he said.

But he was out overnight – five nights in all – 127 hours between a rock and a hard place

Ralston says it wasn’t long before he realized he faced an almost unfathomable choice.

“It was a conversation I had out loud with myself. You’re gonna have to cut your arm off, Aron. ‘I don’t want to cut my arm off.’ Dude, you’re gonna have to cut your arm off,” he said. “I said that to myself out loud in the canyon.”  Link

Aron Ralston had to make the Choice to amputate his right hand in order to survive a mountaineering ordeal.

Each of us make a choice every second or fraction thereof, be it, to wake up at a specific time, to eat breakfast, to drive or take public transport, to take medication or not when we are sick and the list goes on.

Choice, be it trivial or life altering, and a choice whether it is in the affirmative or negative or not making one at all, is an integral part of our life.

To be able to choose, we must evaluate all available options and select one for the greater good especially in those that touches and affects the lives of others.

The prefrontal cortex (PFC) located in the front part of the brain just behind the forehead acts as the brain’s command center. It is this part of the brain that allows us to choose rationally, to plan ahead, develop strategies, and also to adjust actions or reactions depending on situations. The PFC improves with age and process of growth and development continues well past adolescence. It enables us to focus our thoughts,  thinking whilst learning or analyzing different concepts or activities including complex ones.

Many times the desire of choice is so strong that it could interfere with one’s ability to determine the best option possible out of all those presented. A perfect example is a retail binge which we yield to in that impulsive moment when we see something spectacular, though if we had exercised the power of choice, we may have decided to wait till later.

Today, we have many choices to live our life contrary to two or three decades back. The desire to choose is natural and one that is required for survival.  But do we exercise our choice properly and what happens to those who are denied the choice of basic rights ?

Sheena Iyengar in her Book “The Art Of Choosing” (a must read) explains that humans voluntarily create and follow systems that restrict some of our individual choices to benefit the greater good.  We all face situations in our lives may be at work or in day-to-day where things happen beyond our control.  She refers to several studies that have found that stress increases when one works in circumstances where they had less control or brain perceives that they have less control than what they expected.  But in addition to the stressors at work , we suffer from the daily grind that is beyond our control  be it the pollution, traffic jams, delayed public transport leading to frustration and health issues.

However, we have the ability to create choice by altering our interpretations of what is around us. We have the choice to determine how we behave in challenging and less comfortable situations and it is this that distinguishes each of us.

I have been inspired by her book to write this post. She has also done a Ted talk on the same topic.

So how can we exercise our conscious choice for betterment of “You” and the world at large. Choose to

  1. Be positive – life is not a bed of roses. Roses grow with thorns and life will throw challenges which may throw you off the cliff, but a negative attitude makes it worse. Choose to be a realist but be positive.
  2. Be You  – look at a child. You see authenticity, spontaneity and children just love being who they are.  Always make it a point to be you and Choose You without hypocrisy.
  3. Be kind – You would like to be showered with kindness and that goes for each soul in this world.  Pass on the kindness. Surprise yourself and others by a random act of kindness.
  4. Be happy – there is no Vitamin to be happy but “being one.” You control your happiness by the choices you make, don’t make or not choosing at all.
  5. Be helpful – don’t walk away and turn your face to someone in needed of help.
  6. Be appreciative of your life, people you have around you, and every little thing that matters. The fact that you wake up to a new dawn which may have been denied to someone else is one to be thankful for.
  7. Be Committed – Actions give power to your words, stay true to your word and the responsibilities that you have chosen.
  8. Be responsible for your 2*2 space, for protecting the environment, for spreading the right values and for leaving the world a better place than when you came in.
  9. Be Mindful – no matter who you are or what you are be human first and be mindful of what you do, speak and act.   Remember that, “be who you want someone else to be”, make your deeds worthy of being emulated by others.
  10. Not give up – know when to walk away and when not to give up. In fulfilling your dreams don’t squash someone else’s dreams.

No matter what our background or differences it is the choices that connect us.  Choice could be something as simple as to Smile.

 Every choice you make has an end result – Zig Ziglar.

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Filed Under: Habits, Leadership & Personal Development, Life Tagged With: 127 Hours, Aron Ralston, brain, choices, Leadership. lead from within, positive, prefrontal cortex, Sheena Iyengar, The Art of Choosing

What is Your Hat – Leader v/s Manager v/s Counselor v/s Trainer v/s Coach

12 August 2012 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

In organizations and day-to-day life we come across people who call themselves managers, coach, trainer, teacher, mentor and some consider themselves as leaders. Often some of these terms are used synonymously. Though a person can play the role of a mentor, manager, leader, coach, within an organization, each of these roles are different and unique.

Leader – one who inspires others by their actions and behavior. Leadership is a philosophy of life. Leadership is not about managing things but about developing people. It is about helping people to liberate the fullness of their talents while they pursue a vision that you have inspired them to buy into as a worthy and meaningful one. Great leaders can be great teachers and great coaches.

Manager – managers direct and tell their team what to do. They plan for the achievement of day-to-day tasks and the goals of the department or group whom they manage. Managers, by nature, are concerned with outcomes.

Mentor – Mentors help to shape or influence a person’s beliefs and values in a positive way by resonating with releasing or unveiling a person’s wisdom frequently through the mentor’s own experience. Mentoring is based on wisdom and role experience and tends to be more directive. Mentors have greater influence over client’s career prospects.

What Is Coaching ?

  • Coaching is a process to unlock a person’s potential to maximize their own performance. It is essentially a conversation–a dialogue between the coach and the client which focuses on improvement of skills and concrete results

For Further Details on Differences between Manager and Coach, Mentor and Coach, Counselor and Coach, Trainer and Coach please click on link 

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Filed Under: Coaching, Leadership & Personal Development Tagged With: coaching, Consultant, Counselor, Leader, Leadership, Leadership. Lead from wiithin, Manager, Mentor, Trainer

How To Take Charge Of Your Personal Growth : 10 Essentials

6 August 2012 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

“We want a world where life is preserved, and the quality of life is enriched for everybody, not only for the privileged.” ~ Isabel Allende

Personal Growth is one which I find it difficult to define because it encompasses a lot of things. When we are born, most of us are given a suitcase full of standards, acceptable behavior, things to learn,values & a whole load of do’s and don’ts. As we grow and progress in life we keep adding or throwing away some contents of this suitcase. Each of us thus become a product of the choices we have made or that we have consciously decided not to make.

How many times in your day-to-day life have you been told right from childhood, ” you can’t do this” or “you need to follow this”, or “the deadline for this project is 20 days from now”, “you need to get married by 25” or as a woman you hear “you need to behave lady like” or something similar.

We may choose to follow some of these instructions, advise or suggestions and yet others we ignore because we feel it is just gender stereotyping. However respect, being ethical and being human is something I would like to think that most of us are ingrained with while growing up. This value is further enhanced when we observe our parents, and the behavior of our community in which we socialize.

In today’s day and age I find many who have lost the basic etiquette of courtesy, and being polite.  Take the case of social media where you try to make new connections and most people love to get more and more followers. Whilst it is good to make new connections, I find it strange and disrespectful when some of them don’t even bother to acknowledge you when you RT them or react to something on their timeline (I’m not referring to trolls here). Why are we so keen to make new connections and being part of every form of social media when we can’t spend quality time on existing relationships, we don’t have time to acknowledge and ask how one is doing?

There are many who don’t give importance to loyalty and commitment to their word. People speak about change but refuse to change themselves and yet others who insult and abuse in the name of religion and ethics.

Isn’t Personal Growth about

  1. Achieving more love, belonging, better communication skills and relationships
  2. Accessing greater understanding and wisdom
  3. Aligning, anchoring and actualizing your goals
  4. Awakening the inner voice.
  5. Being a better communicator and listener and to relate to others feelings.
  6. Becoming an instrument of transformation for others
  7. Breaking through barriers, fears and limitations that hold you back. Learning how to create what you want
  8. Changing for the better. Maintain clarity and focus. Make shifts and change more quickly, with less pain. Draw out your own personal pathway to success. Know where you want to go. Know who you are and what you stand for
  9. Measuring, tracking and improving what is important
  10. Developing more self-trust and self-reliance.

Life is a journey where each of us face obstacles in pursuing goals, or in just living.   Some of us get overwhelmed with some of these hurdles and yet some of us work through these challenges and grow stronger. But isn’t life about learning, developing, growing and moving on to take new pursuits and face new challenges?

To me, personal growth is having integrity and being human.  Biggest value that any of us need to have and remember is to Be Human.   We are always one decision, one word, one reaction away from damaging what has taken us years to develop so don’t you think we need to be careful of our words and actions?

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Filed Under: Leadership & Personal Development, Life, Relationships, Social Media Tagged With: childhood, communicatiom, courtesy, Empathy, Facebook, Human, lead from within, personal growth, Social Media, Twitter, Values.

Coaching for Success – Top 9 Reasons To Hire A Coach

2 August 2012 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

A leader is one who inspires by their actions and receives a buy-in to their vision by what they are, how they act, and what they do.  A leader need not necessarily be one with a title. Leadership is not about the use of authority.   Most organizations have managers but not necessarily many of them are leaders in a true sense.

Many managers rely on authority and control to get the job done. They are directive in their management style and instruct, no matter how enthusiastic or self-starter some members of their team may be. Described conversationally, it’s “I talk, you listen … I direct, and you adhere. “Described attitudinally, it’s I’m the boss and I alone have the authority to decide how things are done. However, no matter how junior or inexperienced your team may be most of us don’t like being bossed around.  Ask yourself if you’d like to be commanded and instructed – fact is most of us including you resent it and the team whom you are managing resent you for doing it.  Authoritative and directive style management stifle creativity, enthusiasm, learning, transition, commitment, morale and the tenacity to stay on is broken.

In today’s world where attention spans are for less than a nano second and with companies expanding and becoming complex, most managers expect the work to be done without actually caring to determine if their team member/s have understood or not.  Many high performing individuals are frustrated because there is no one to listen to them or determine what they actually want. Also, many times authority-based systems are a breeding ground for abuse of power and are prone to creating oppressive work environments.

So what can organizations and individuals do in these kind of situations, where meeting deadlines and targets are important but a manager may not necessarily have time to help a person within their team through a transition. Who can assist you in these kind of situations

9 things your Coach can help you with: Click Link 

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Filed Under: Coaching Tagged With: Business Coaching, career coaching, coaching, Executive and Leadership Coaching, lead from within, Leadership, Leadership. Leader without a title, Life Coaching, negotiation, success

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