Little Things That Matter

Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

Disempower FEAR and Empower Your Progress

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She has won triathlons, trekked the Gobi desert, has done bungee jumping and sky diving despite being scared of heights. She has been a juvenile diabetic for over 30 years and she has faced this lifelong companion and the challenges associated with being a diabetic exceptionally well. She has faced many other hurdles in life with hope and optimism.

Today she is faced with a fear of her ability to own the space, to exude confidence and credibility in some situations. Her gravitas is weak when she has to face the board of directors of her company. Her name is Elisa.

Why is the otherwise confident and fearless Elisa having issues with her gravitas? Elisa (name changed), who hired me as her coach to assist her in upgrading an aspect of her Executive Presence, was allowing her thinking and her self-judgment to dominate her.

She had made her underlying beliefs and fears about the situation so strong that they were disempowering her.

The emotion of fear is a vital response to physical and emotional danger—if our brains didn’t warn us about the dangers and alert us and we didn’t feel fear, we couldn’t protect ourselves from legitimate threats. But often we fear situations that are not life-or-death situations and we disempower ourselves by allowing our inner thoughts and feelings to dominate and prevent us from taking the appropriate action.

What fears are you allowing to dominate to an extent of constraining your progress?
How do you overcome your fears ?

1. Befriend Fear – one of the first steps is to acknowledge your fears. Courage comes only when you recognize and feel your fears. Own your feelings and ask yourself what is the fear ? Naming the fear helps to bring it to the surface. What are the causes of the fear? What is the source of this fear? What are the possible solutions ? What is the best workable solution ? Whose help or support do you need to work on the solution ?

Conquering fear cannot happen by running away from it or engaging in an outrageous courageous activity on impulse.

2. Don’t over-think – I’m reminded of a quote by Pema Chodron

“The essence of Bravery is being without self-deception. However it’s not so easy to take a straight look at what we do. Seeing ourselves clearly is initially uncomfortable and embarrassing. As we train in clarity and steadfastness, we see things we’d prefer to deny – judgementalness, pettiness, arrogance. These are not sins but temporary and workable habits of mind. The more we get to know them, the more they lose their power. This is how we come to trust that our basic nature is utterly simple, free of struggle between good and bad.

A warrior begins to take responsibility for the direction of her life. It’s as if we are lugging around unnecessary baggage. Our training encourages us to open the bags and look closely at what we are carrying. In doing this we begin to understand that much of it isn’t needed anymore.”

Take responsibility, trust your instincts and believe in yourself and don’t allow the negative thoughts to dominate you. Click To Tweet

3. Don’t overshadow and feel embarrassed – feel the fear, share it, reflect and don’t feel embarrassed and shut your feelings. Learn to take baby steps to recognize the feelings and thoughts that stand against you. Ask yourself some of these questions.

What do you do in uncertain situations?
How do you handle failures?
When you have the negative thoughts, and fear takes over you what happens then?
What is your desired outcome you would like to have in overcoming fear?

4. Forget the naysayers – don’t keep company of people who feed into your negative thoughts. Believe in yourself and think of the desired outcome you would like to achieve. How passionate and committed are you in achieving this goal? Surround yourself with people who encourage and challenge you but not those who are like thorns in your path.

5. Check your ego– Even if you are not a loud and egoistic person, there are times your ego creates fear. This may be from fear of failure, fear of losing, fear of the unknown, fear of humiliation, fear from your own untested beliefs, fear of losing your status or an imagined identity, fear of exploring the uncertain path and the undesired results.

Life is not a certain path. Our brain is a prediction machine but if you allow yourself to be prepared for uncertainty and train yourself to handle uncertainties, the neural pathways of your brain can be changed. By facing uncertainties and allowing yourself to disempower negative thoughts, you build character and grow stronger.

Elisa had without her awareness become a victim of giving in to her sabotage thoughts and talk. Her conversations with me gave her insights and helped her achieve the necessary shift she was looking for in terms of her gravitas.

Intentions to do, be or achieve something is great but you alone can take responsibility to change that intention to action.

Don’t be your worst enemy and let your constant inner fears and doubts sabotage your growth and development.

The choice of taking the right decision rests with You. Click To Tweet

Persevere and build the momentum to achieve your desired goals.Click To Tweet

Are you self-sabotaging your progress?

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

Leadership And Compassion

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I had met Victoria recently who had hired me as a coach. Victoria is a highly motivated, energetic, determined and passionate woman in that she is driven by her purpose and vision in life. She is a senior executive with a multi-national firm and she has progressed very well in her career. She is one of the youngest managing directors within her firm and somebody whom people within the firm envied and looked up to. Victoria is a caring and compassionate individual but at the same time very goal oriented and at times in that drive may seem to appear as impersonal.

Victoria normally is prompt and punctual. However on this day, she arrived to my office 10 minutes late. She profusely apologized. I observed that she seemed agitated and particularly stressed about something. I accepted her apology, smiled and requested her to take a seat. I allowed her to calm down and I did this by being silent for several minutes. That helped her to calm her nerves and regain her composure. She had a glass of water and she started narrating how her day was, what caused her to be stressed out and the reason for her delay and agitation. She appeared back to normal calm and composed self after I listened to her story.

Her desired outcome from this session was to stay in the PEA during moments when her inner critique seemed to be taking control, especially when she had to present in front of the board or any other senior executive team.

Victoria was coaching with me on aspects of Executive Presence especially given her new role and larger responsibility associated with her recent promotion.

I focused the entire session on Coaching With Compassion. This enables a person to speak about their ideal life, their vision and be positive and powerful.

How does compassion help the work environment and boost the confidence and engagement of employees?

1. Enables people to see their strengths, and get them into a positive emotional state. This allows them to think and be creative.

2. Your Positive Emotional Attractor (PEA) is aroused and that facilitates you to think about possibilities and dreams with optimism and hope.

3. You think about the resonant relationships that support and believe in you.

4. You are confident and you believe in yourself.

5. The more you are in your PEA state, the more you are motivated and driven by your purpose.

Victoria had forgotten about her tough day and some agonizing moments that had led her to an agitated state when she had entered my office. It was almost like a ray of sunlight had entered the room.

The best part was when we had about 5 minutes left to the end of the session, she said my questions had evoked some insights for her on how she could deal with being in the PEA in moments where she feels her inner gremlin takes over. She mentioned that she is going to put some thoughts into the aha moments that these questions had given her and share with me on email and in our next coaching session as to how she had put to use some of these learnings to overcome her executive presence.

I could tell she enjoyed her coaching session and despite being a vivacious person the coaching with compassion had taken to her a different level of achievement in her own mind and how she saw her life.

Within organizations, as a leader if you can set clear goals, and treat everyone as a partner for progress you facilitate growth, fulfillment and development. Good communication, a key to purpose and problem solving should never be underestimated. When you give people in your team or organizations role in defining their values and tying it with the vision of the company, you encourage interaction and cooperation.

Let us not forget that success is built-in valuing the Human potential and providing an environment that allows the positivity to grow and nourish.

Ask questions which raise their awareness of the wider context of their action.

To arouse the PEA, studies are suggesting that we need to: (1) be social; and (2) engage the person in positive, hopeful contemplation of a desired future.

The latter might also be stimulated when discussing core values and the purpose of the organization or project.

Extracted from NEUROSCIENCE AND LEADERSHIP: THE PROMISE OF INSIGHTS by Richard Boyatzis

The power of positive imaging and visioning is that it catches your dreams and engages your passion. You cannot inspire this passion in others without engaging in it yourself.

For Coaching, Speaking or Training please connect with Lalita Raman.

Top 5 Uses of “Powerful Questions”

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Understanding a question is half an answer – Socrates

How many times have you been confronted, during a presentation or at a meeting, with a question? A question that has made you think, engage you and pull you back into the conversation or dialogue where you might have lost focus.

In all forms of communication, one’s impact is most effective when we pay attention to the receipt of our influence.  Questions, in my view, allows one to listen and interject at the relevant time and get the other party engaged and excited about the conversation or the subject being discussed. In the relevant context, a question constructed and asked properly acts as a catalyst. Questioning skills deserve much more attention than they usually get.

Any question is relevant if asked in the right context and enables you to determine if you can continue to push forward, pull back or change your style.  The most important part of questions is that it should assist in keeping the parties in a dialogue engaged and enable you to influence someone’s behavior or thinking, latter especially useful in negotiations, coaching and mentoring.

Bottom line, questions enables you to think, create and enhance trust and strengthens communication amongst a team, and between two people.  Managers instead of telling one of their subordinates to get something done and not seeing results might do well by asking the right questions. Try it, and the results will amaze you.

For FULL POST, refer to the LINK

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Coaching for Success – Top 9 Reasons To Hire A Coach

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A leader is one who inspires by their actions and receives a buy-in to their vision by what they are, how they act, and what they do.  A leader need not necessarily be one with a title. Leadership is not about the use of authority.   Most organizations have managers but not necessarily many of them are leaders in a true sense.

Many managers rely on authority and control to get the job done. They are directive in their management style and instruct, no matter how enthusiastic or self-starter some members of their team may be. Described conversationally, it’s “I talk, you listen … I direct, and you adhere. “Described attitudinally, it’s I’m the boss and I alone have the authority to decide how things are done. However, no matter how junior or inexperienced your team may be most of us don’t like being bossed around.  Ask yourself if you’d like to be commanded and instructed – fact is most of us including you resent it and the team whom you are managing resent you for doing it.  Authoritative and directive style management stifle creativity, enthusiasm, learning, transition, commitment, morale and the tenacity to stay on is broken.

In today’s world where attention spans are for less than a nano second and with companies expanding and becoming complex, most managers expect the work to be done without actually caring to determine if their team member/s have understood or not.  Many high performing individuals are frustrated because there is no one to listen to them or determine what they actually want. Also, many times authority-based systems are a breeding ground for abuse of power and are prone to creating oppressive work environments.

So what can organizations and individuals do in these kind of situations, where meeting deadlines and targets are important but a manager may not necessarily have time to help a person within their team through a transition. Who can assist you in these kind of situations

9 things your Coach can help you with: Click Link 

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