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Don’t Promote “The Bully” in You Or Others

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Last week, I participated in the people skills chat hosted by @KateNasser, and the topic was “Stop Bullying.”

No doubt that bullying is bad, it is violent and the consequences are disastrous. However, where does bullying start from? How does bullying start?

There are numerous articles on the Internet talking about the effects of bullying and what to do, to stop bullying. While it is important to raise awareness and take measures to stop bullying, the intricate complexity of the factors leading to someone being a bully is less discussed.

To prevent #bullying is as important as to stop bullying. #stopbullying #vaw #speakup #peopleskills

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To prevent #bullying, we needs to address its #causes. #stopbullying #vaw #peopleskills

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I came across an article in psych central on How A Bully Is Made and I quote an extract “Every bully does not have the same psychological profile. But understanding the possible factors behind the behavior can help us turn the tide against a deeply entrenched problem.”

It’s impossible to predict who will become a bully and who won’t, but researchers have found some patterns in the types of families. North Dakota State University professor Laura DeHaan sums up the findings as follows:

“Bullies tend to come from families that are characterized as having little warmth or affection. These families also report trouble sharing their feelings and usually rate themselves as feeling less close to each other. Parent of bullies also tend to use inconsistent discipline and little monitoring of where their children are throughout the day. Sometimes parents of bullies have very punitive and rigid discipline styles, with physical punishment being very common. Bullies also report less feelings of closeness to their siblings.”

What can each of us do, to prevent the future bullies?

1. Check your own behavior

How do you come home after a frustrating day ? What is the language you use at home with your partner and friends? How do you manage your emotions?
You are the role model for your children. What kind of role model are you?
Upbringing forms the foundation of who we are and the paths we choose.

2. Stop promoting wrong behavior

Call on wrong behavior and address it with love and support to correct it. Don’t encourage conversations on violence, cheap sexual talk and jokes. Don’t promote watching movies or any other form of entertainment that has forms of bullying or violence.

3. Discourage talks of bullying and promoting such behavior in the groups that they are in

With Social media, bullying and trolling happens very often by people who take false identities. Speak up and report them and if you find people in your group talking nonsense about females or any talk that indicates that it is a form of bullying, stop it then and there.

Best way to #stopbullying or any form of violence is to stop it at its root. #vaw #peopleskills

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Casual jokes, and cheap slap stick comedy is part of many people’s daily conversation or part of the dialogue in the social groups that they are in. If you are a silent spectator, then you are perpetrating behaviors that could affect the actions that result later. Have the courage to call on such talk and behavior in an appropriate manner.

4. Media

I don’t see any movie or so-called form of entertainment that has violence, sexual abuse, bullying, unless and until the movie or documentary has a positive message at the end of it and actively promotes stopping these ill behaviors.

Cheap entertainment sells because you are an audience to it. Every form of media has an impact on the audience and there are elements of every society, irrespective of country, that choose to follow these questionable behaviors because they think it is a fad.

5. Support

If you find your friend who is a parent or who is in a house with children, whose behavior you think is of concern, approach that person directly or through one of their trusted mates. In a supportive way encourage them to talk about themselves and listen. Determine how you can help or guide them.

6. Prevent Workplace Bullying

Stop rumors and don’t engage in spreading wrong news and gaining the attention of the crowd by adopting behaviors that put down people, or assassinate someone’s character. Do not play the “bystander role”. You make sure that you support the person who is going through this.

Prevention can only take place when a culture is built around stopping sexual harassment and other forms of verbal, physical and mental bullying. The leaders who are in responsible positions need to recognize it as their responsibility and be accountable for an environment that not only stops bullying but also prevents it.

I was sexually harassed by one of my bosses in one of the organizations and I got support from two people within the organization. Yet, the person continued to bully (in a suave way) people within his team. When I left the organization, I met human resources and gave a detailed account of what had happened. The human resources director asked me why I didn’t choose to report it earlier. My response to her was, would you have believed me? She didn’t know what to say. I told her speaking up cost me my job and I didn’t have support from anyone barring two people. Yet, here I am and I challenge you now to take the right action. Action was luckily taken, albeit late.

In organizations, it is imperative that people in senior management are aware, respect and promote a culture that cuts the roots of ill behavior as soon as they see it. They need to promote a culture which supports people who speak up against such behaviors. A friendly environment will foster respect and trust.

Prevention is better than cure and many people become bullies, suave or otherwise, because there is a root cause.

Address the root cause early on before it becomes a stigma and a path that causes harm to others and themselves. And where it is not prevented and you have a “bully boss” or “bully colleague”, ask yourself if you are in an organization that supports bully behavior and what can you do to stop it?

Coaching can help provided the attitude adopted by the bully is that they can do, need to do and want to do what is necessary to improve their behaviour and get the desired results.

What do you think are some ways to prevent a person from becoming a Bully? Your Thoughts ?

Are you looking to enhance your executive presence, improve the way you communicate and inspire others as a leader? Please connect with me for one-on-one coaching or group workshops or webinars or learn more on what suits your needs.

Facilitate A Positive Change With These 5 Lessons From Life

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“No way, I cannot accept failure.” This was one of my clients who had this belief when I first met him.

“Failure is where my dreams are shattered and there is no coming back.”
“Failure sounds as if there is no turning back and everything is lost.”
“Failure has negativity attached to it and that there is no light at the end of the tunnel.”

This is what my client shared with me about what he thought was failure.

Failure is a word which I believe tends to over exemplify a mistake. If you don’t learn from your mistakes and continue to be on the path of arrogance, and remain egoistic, then it is not a mistake but a choice to follow your falsified ego. The final destination as a result is worse than ‘failure’.

I have learnt from mistakes and still learning. The conversation about failure with this client of mine came flooding back to my thoughts this week because I allowed myself to trust someone despite my instinct telling me otherwise.

There are some subtle things in life where you realize that despite life teaching you some things, you still fail to do it right every time …

What are these subtle things you can do to improve the outcome of a situation?

1. Trust your instinct –  life has taught me to trust my gut and intuition but there are times when I deviate since I give credence to my doubts on my instinct.

Learn to trust your instincts, if something feels amiss, go with that and follow your gut. Click To Tweet

2. Avoid naysayers – you meet different people in your life and there are some people who are narcissistic, wishy-washy, pull you down with their negative talk and discouragement. It is not worth wasting your time on such people. Some of these people are easy to spot but yet others aren’t. There is hurt before you realize that their acquaintance, and the so-called ‘friendship’ is not worth it. Let them go for your own peace of mind and sanity.

3. Some things are not meant to be – You don’t get what you want in many turns of your life, though you may have given your best. Trying to find an explanation or a reason only makes matters worse.

Stop overthinking and learn to accept that some things aren’t meant to be, no matter how much you want them. Click To Tweet

Be persistent but learn to let go of things which don’t seem to come your way.

4. Face to face communication – in this day and age of Social Media and mobile phones, people seem to “talk” more to their mobile phones than engage in face-to-face communication. Be part of the change but never forget there is always value in face to face communication. Misunderstandings and miscommunication can happen on written communication. Next time, pick up the phone and speak to the person or meet the person face to face.

5. Acting on Impulse – There can be as much value in the blink of an eye as in months of rational analysis – Malcolm Gladwell.

There is a time and place for acting on impulse as much as taking the time to make the right decisions. Judge the moment, pause and then decide how to act.

Life happens in a blink of an eye and yet there are many lessons to be learnt in each of these “blinks”. Click To Tweet

What are you learning from life?

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

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How Are You Connecting With People?

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Lalita Raman

Businesses and organizations run because of the people, the relationships and the connections between people. When we network with people we look for common interests or topics to break the ice, strike a conversation and thereafter get into a discussion. In a business scenario, during interviews, a set of questions is asked by different people in an organization of a potential candidate. In each of these situations, be it at work (or in daily life), there is  judgment being made based on skills, qualifications, the ability to make an elevator speech, the way a person talks or present themselves, all of which are external factors.  Also, in today’s age of social media, there is an eagerness to strike a conversation with people who have large number of followers, or if they are famous. Again these are extrinsic factors. However, part of the judgment rests with our own gut feel or our intuition.

In today’s world there seems to be a lot of communication and modes of communication but is real connection happening? Leaders connect because they are human and understand that trust and rapport can’t be built without real connection. Meaningful communication is possible only with real connection.

How do you connect? Do you judge based on peripheral factors or do you take a look at the person intrinsically?

Ten Key Questions that enable you to make a connection with a person.

1. Do you take time to understand the person, their values?

2. Does their behavior and actions reflect their values?

3. How do they treat people who have no titles, or may be a waiter at a restaurant or a receptionist or a security guard?

4. How do they behave in situations of vulnerability ? Do they stand up for a good cause and speak up or tend to adopt a herd mentality?

5. Do they seem eager to prove their authenticity? Are they being too ostentatious in a large social gathering?

6. Do they carry a narcissistic attitude? One that can be observed from their talk to listen ratio.

7. In social media, there are several people who talk about engaging and sharing content. There are also many people in real life who have the gift of gab? Key here is, do they really walk their talk? Is their audio and video congruent?

8. Do they demonstrate empathy or are they too self-centered? Do they carry a positive energy in the way they behave?

9. Do they tend to be solution focused or just a naysayer?

10. How self-aware is this person? How do they react to feedback?

Listening and Observing, both in real life and in the virtual world, is important in connecting, building and maintaining relationships with people.  Skills, qualifications can be stated whereas character & attitude can only be observed and helps you to determine who a person is?

If you aspire to connect and grow as a leader, you need to understand yourself and others better. When you know people care about you and understand you, it makes a lasting connection.

How well are you connecting with people?

What are the Choices you make while connecting with people?

The Human Touch to Leadership

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In today’s day and age we are bombarded by more stimuli than ever before. This stimuli can be from various sources like social media, emails, chats, demands from the real world and from every possible source. Amidst this stimuli, we are expected to be thoughtful and yet give responses in nano seconds or a fraction thereof. In this environment of keeping up to demands, not feeling left out or as if we missed the boat, we create feelings of vacuum and stress within ourselves and amongst others.

Now let’s take the situation of Emily who is either looking to diversify her business or seeking to change her job or starting up a new business venture. She is excited, enthusiastic, is eager to make connections and engages with different people from various walks of life. She meets various types of personalities in this journey.

Who are you among these personalities?

  1. You are candid and give a straight answer “my apologies, but I don’t see any common synergies here for the moment. I am unable to help you with your venture.”
  2. You enquire about what the person does, what made them change careers, what was the key motivation to start the new business venture?. You meet this person at regular intervals and keep the conversation going. This person keeps giving you more and more information on what they have done, what are their plans for future growth. You keep the hope alive in this person but at no point in time have you honored your word in giving this person an opportunity.
  3. You meet Emily once and show interest in what she has to offer or in her business venture and agree with her that you and she should keep the conversation going. You have seen her email, her phone messages but have not responded to her. You are overwhelmed with many commitments in the form of emails, meetings, chats, new business ventures. You keep making new promises and yet have not had the courtesy to acknowledge the emails or the messages.
  4. You see a synergy but don’t have an immediate offer to make. You meet this person and have several conversations over a period of time. You then communicate either in the affirmative or negative.

Do any of these personalities sound familiar to you ?

What do you think Emily is going through when she meets you either in 2 or 3, above. Possibly a feeling of rejection, break of trust, impatience, failing to see how you can be a good leader. Why? Research on Brain Science reveals that, The fear circuit is the most developed and fastest neuronal circuit we can activate both consciously and unconsciously in another person by our actions, words, behavior, body language and other forms of communication or non communication. Once these neurons in the brain are activated, we have lost the goodwill for the other person. As a leader, is this the impression you want to leave with everyone who approaches or meets you ?

What is a key leadership skill : The Human Touch Makes A Difference

1. People are an essential part of your life – no matter who the person is, how you treat people makes a difference. Do you choose to vary your attitude depending on the title and position of the person?  Do you realize that there is a person behind that email or chat? Why not make a simple acknowledgement of “Thank you, seen it, will respond in three days”. Give a time frame that you are able to live up to. If you are unclear about something, why not ask questions? Or if you think you over committed, recognize that mistake and acknowledge it. Silence is not the response expected of a leader.

2. Walking your talk – do you act on your words or just spin the wheel ? Connections can be made only if you engage and treat people with respect and courtesy.  People are the lifeblood of your business. Your word is your personal brand. In what particular ways are you results-oriented in your day-to-day actions?

3. Creating trust and rapport – relationships are built on trust and honesty. By giving false hope to someone you discredit yourself. Would you like to be treated the same way?  How do you go about your relationships?  You can grow and develop your relationships and business only if you create trust and collaborate and communicate. Creating and maintaining long-lasting relationships is not a one way street.

You may have the best of intentions but if your actions are not consistent with your word or intention, you create an environment of dissatisfaction and misunderstanding. As a leader you need to create and live transparency and collaborate with people within and outside your own organization.

Summary:

Do you know what you want ? 

How do you strike the right balance among your various commitments to which you have given your word to? 

How do you deal with people who you perceive to be more successful than you are?

How do you deal with people who are in need?

What does success mean to you ?

What are your main sources of creative input or ideas from others?

How do you add the human touch?

Related References : Brain Blog

Are You Living on “Assumptions”

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“Oh you must be loaded since you contribute regularly to various charitable causes…….”
“She anyway does not care, why bother asking her?…..”
“She surely does not have much to say given that she is a quiet person….”
“You do yoga, you must be a pro at meditation and of course flexibility is never an issue for you……….”
“I assumed you were busy and wouldn’t come, so I did not ask you….
“He is always smiling, he has an easy life….”

What does what you just heard sound like ?

An assumption, a stereotype, a single story.

An assumption is something that is taken as the truth without attempting to check for facts. When you make an assumption, you assume characteristics of other people without really taking the time and effort to get to know them.

What happens when  you assume?

  • Does your self assumptions inhibit you from further development, growth and keeping an open mind?
  • Have you assumed that your customer is not interested in the diverse range of products your firm has to offer and thus you don’t bother exploring having a conversation with your client?
  • Have you assumed that your business partner or friend or spouse automatically knows what you want or the type of day you have had ?
  • If you think you are a leader do you ask questions to clarify or assume that your team has understood your vision and what you have expressed?
  • Have you asked why someone in a business or personal relationship consistently keeps calling you though you may have explicitly stated that you don’t want to be disturbed?
  • How many times do you generalize an entire country or nationality based on few people you happen to know?

Bottom line, every time you assume, you narrow your thinking, you stop exploring, you stop asking questions, you bring a parasite into your relationships, you could possibly end up spoiling your relationships, and make yourself unhappy.

  • How many times have you been at the receiving end and how many times have you assumed or used a single story on someone?
  • How have you felt when you have been a victim of an assumption either on social media or in real life?

Here is a Ted Video on The Danger of A Single Story

Find the courage to ask questions. Don’t make assumptions, since assumptions are the bane on relationships.

Do you want to limit yourself with a narrow and close minded view of the world?

Do you want to perceive the world through assumptions made on your narrow thinking of being influenced by others ?

Do you want to believe in Single Stories?

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Titles Don’t Matter-10 Keys To “Good For Soul”

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“The simple act of paying positive attention to people has a great deal to do with productivity” Tom Peters

Have you met Jerry ?

1. I’m always right. I don’t care what it takes or how much work it is. This is the way I see it and no matter what, make it happen in the next hour.Have you met Jerry?

2. Your behavior at or outside work or in Social media is one of “A Narcissist”.

3. You think you know it all and never have an open mind to learn.

4. You’ve decided with senior management that your team targets are going to increase by 30% and promised to over deliver. You have not bothered to consult your team?

5. You think you never make mistakes and don’t ever bother asking others how are you?

6. You are good at striking conversations with strangers but every relationship is one to hook, use and trash.

7. You are convinced that you are the most intellectual and anyone who challenges your line of thinking is made to shut up. You alienate whoever questions you.

8. You think you are reminding people of their accountability and responsibility when all you do is to humiliate them with your sarcasm.

9. You are part of the system and you have never made any effort to be different or change and yet you criticize all, day in day out.

10. You think you are unique and God’s gift to the Universe, though all you are is a jerk. You think none of the above applies to you.

How many of you have had this individual either at your work place or among your acquaintances? 

How many times do people in influential positions misuse the same by bullying and belittling either their team and their social circle ? 

How many people just because of the position they are in think they can demand respect ? 

Whilst there is nothing wrong in being direct and honest, by no means the delivery of the statements or the tone in which it is delivered needs to be rude or sarcastic. People skills is one about being able to connect, engage and treat others with respect and empathy.

What are the keys to People Skills?

1. Be a friend before expecting others to be friendly

2. That either we control our attitude or it controls us. Choose the right one

3. We are a result of our choices and we need to deal with the choices we have made. Negativity and emotional trauma arises when we get into the blaming game for all our misfortunes

4. We do get angry, recognize it, overcome it and do not use anger to be cruel

5. We need to value ourselves and should not allow ourselves to be trampled on. But valuing yourself doesn’t mean insulting others

6. Each of us have our own strengths and we should build and use them to lead with integrity, trust and character

7. Each of us have our own weaknesses and we should marginalize our limitations to move forward

8. That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel

9. We are human and love to be acknowledged, encouraged and appreciated. Being an introvert or shy is no excuse for not telling someone ‘You Matter’

10. None of us are perfect and can teach and learn something each day

Each of us have our purpose. Just because you are the boss, you have no right to stomp on others feelings and values. As far as people like Jerry are concerned one can attempt to unlock the barriers of communication that may exist or be a friend to listen.

Titles don’t determine your value. In the end, you need to remember just because you think you are successful, you have no right to put out someone else’s light and efforts.

Life is a journey of roller coasters and challenges you to be the best YOU can be. Each challenge, be it big or small, is an opportunity for you to make the choice to shift your perspective and view it through the eyes of positivity and hope.

Character is higher than intellect. A great soul will be strong to live as well as think. Ralph Waldo Emerson 

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“The Silence” – 5 Do’s and Dont’s

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Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in life has purpose. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

How many times have you wished silence from a person sitting opposite you or in a meeting room ?

How many times have you been in an awkward moment when you realized that you should have kept silent after spitting out words in anger?

 In Silence it is important to listen and it is a communication skill in that one needs to know when not to talk or interrupt.

  1. In sales pitches, the inability to remain silent can cost the deal and many times the client relationship. Have you and your team members who are presenting to the client given an opportunity to the client to speak? Have you listened what they need?  A good sales person listens far more than they talk.
  2. You call on your friend to share a difficulty that you are going through. When you meet this friend, he starts talking about his day and how he would have handled or has handled difficulties in his life. He has barely heard you, leave alone listen. You sit there listening to his nonstop babble, when all you wanted him to do was listen – Listen silently without interruptions or judgment. Many times in life all we need is to vent out what we are going through and a person to listen.  There is a time for silence, time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over.
  3. Most of us have met this person who endlessly brags about their deal striking ability or the number of places they have been or the people whom they have met. A lot of this happens without context and some of these nonstop banter may endanger the privy of confidential data.
  4. Being extremely negative about competition just to get your company to win the bid. Many times these conversations take place over a drink or dinner and damages the reputation of the company and the person.
  5. Dropping names just to show how influential you are.

There is a time and place for everything and silence in all the above situations is appropriate and necessary. It is better to use the art of silence rather than blurting out on an impulse, just to say something.

Nothing strengthens authority so much as silence – Leonardo Da Vinci

 Is Silence good or warranted in all situations ? No, absolutely not.

  1.  Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. You are the lonely one who can be the lead in your life.
  2. Never be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering, violence in any form and humiliation. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented and being neutral and silent is not the solution. The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people but the silence over that by the good people. Martin Luther King Jr.
  3. Never be silent when you are aware about acts of wrong doing within a company or in any other day-to-day situations.
  4. Never be silent in situations where silence may mean acceptance or consent or grant of approval.
  5. Do not be silent in the face of misunderstandings.

Silence is about mastering the art of timing. During public speaking, silence is good for the audience to think, for you to create emphasis around a new idea that you may be presenting.  Even on Social Media, you need to know that not everything needs to be shared and there is no necessity to have an opinion on every single matter or a status update on whether you are thinking, swimming, having dinner or wish to talk or doing many other things. If you need to express all of that, best to journal it or talk to yourself.

Silence is one of the great arts of communication as long as you know when and where.

It is tact that is golden, not silence. Samuel Butler

Which word or set of words will you choose to use every time you speak?

Do you need to speak every time you have an urge to say something?

Please refer my blog post on Power Of Listening – Shut Up and Listen Will Ya ?

Images : Lalita Raman

Do You Make Judgements and Stereotype in the First 60 Seconds?

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Elevator speeches and the necessity to impress someone or a group of people has become the call of the day.

How many times have you judged, hated, or been impressed by someone in less than a minute? So if someone whom you were meeting for the first time were to walk in with a fast pace, looked pre-occupied with something, didn’t really spend time on niceties like how are you, how was your day, and didn’t leave any time for detailed discussion as you are going through the meeting, would you  judge that person to be arrogant, overconfident, impatient and curt?

Even in social media we make judgment about people by looking at the number of followers that each one has. Some people are desperate to get the attention of those who have several followers or have been featured in some write-up that someone on Twitter has done about them and included them in Some Top 50 or 75 lists. An assumption is made by most people, that all those who have appeared in such lists, or have a lot of followers, have a good character and are kind. Sounds familiar? Yes so we judge and get judged in a minute or less.

An elevator speech may be very good but the follow through & delivery may not necessarily follow the impressive Elevator Speech.

So what is important for you to know when you meet someone for the first time and this could be an interview, a meeting with a potential business client, a presentation or a stranger who could turn out to be your friend, or client

  1. How you dress is important and even on Social Media many forget that they can’t show a bad Display Pictures or pictures that don’t represent them. Though you don’t have to be branded from top to toe or bedecked in jewelry or wear revealing clothes how you dress and what you wear is very important.
  2. How you walk into an interview or meeting as well as your body language is something that a lot of people tend to underestimate.
  3. It is not necessary to put on an accent. Be authentic & present your view-point succinctly & with clarity . There is no necessity to be rude nor put on a mask.
  4. One could be dressed well but yet many spoil the show when they open their mouth – words used and the tone of your voice is as important as how you look.
  5. Your facial expressions need to convey your authenticity.

The first impression  is important but you have to follow through with content and substance and have a good closure. What you say has to be consistent with what you do and no matter even if you have managed to impress someone in the first minute or so, if you don’t walk your talk you’ll surely cut a sorry figure.

What can you do as an observer? When you meet someone for the first time make observations, go with your gut feel but don’t jump to conclusions in the first minute. You may have someone who seems to be in a hurry and brusque but may be a person full of kindness & gratitude. Engage the person in the conversation before you judge.

Let me share with you a story – one of my friends (now) who was an ex colleague of mine, when I was working with one of the companies was visibly upset at the first second he saw me even before introductions. He always avoided me, was rather rude in his response if I ever asked him anything & whilst it was a regular practice to have a brief meeting with most of your colleagues in the first few weeks, he always came up with an excuse for not meeting me.  The irony was some people really liked him but there were others who were too scared of him. His behavior did strike me as strange and intrigued me. I was eager to get to know him but after trying very hard for a few months, I decided to step back.

I did judge him but my intuition kept telling me otherwise. Days went by, we got talking to each other, our interactions increased but he was always very brusque when he started talking to me. We parted ways going to different organizations and our paths crossed again in another organization. His behavior was completely the opposite. He gave me the insight about this new firm, called me out for a drink. One day I asked him why his behavior towards me had changed dramatically in that he was so pleasant & friendly. To my surprise he said oh!  “I was upset that you were brought in at a higher rank to me when you joined that organization”. “But over time, I figured out that I was showing the anger on the wrong person. I started liking your style and your ideas, and now with both of us again crossing paths I decided I should make up for the bad behavior”.

Many times some people may behave in a particular way because they are judging you by your title or your connections or position.  This incident taught me that I should not necessarily judge and more importantly write off someone by the way they behave. Yes, we have short attention span and it is important to have elevator speeches but let’s not be in a hurry to assess someone in less than a minute.

“Think not I am what I appear.” Byron, Lord

Do you think that the first minute impressions are valid?

Is it right to make a judgement based on first impressions?

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How To Take Charge Of Your Personal Growth : 10 Essentials

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“We want a world where life is preserved, and the quality of life is enriched for everybody, not only for the privileged.” ~ Isabel Allende

Personal Growth is one which I find it difficult to define because it encompasses a lot of things. When we are born, most of us are given a suitcase full of standards, acceptable behavior, things to learn,values & a whole load of do’s and don’ts. As we grow and progress in life we keep adding or throwing away some contents of this suitcase. Each of us thus become a product of the choices we have made or that we have consciously decided not to make.

How many times in your day-to-day life have you been told right from childhood, ” you can’t do this” or “you need to follow this”, or “the deadline for this project is 20 days from now”, “you need to get married by 25” or as a woman you hear “you need to behave lady like” or something similar.

We may choose to follow some of these instructions, advise or suggestions and yet others we ignore because we feel it is just gender stereotyping. However respect, being ethical and being human is something I would like to think that most of us are ingrained with while growing up. This value is further enhanced when we observe our parents, and the behavior of our community in which we socialize.

In today’s day and age I find many who have lost the basic etiquette of courtesy, and being polite.  Take the case of social media where you try to make new connections and most people love to get more and more followers. Whilst it is good to make new connections, I find it strange and disrespectful when some of them don’t even bother to acknowledge you when you RT them or react to something on their timeline (I’m not referring to trolls here). Why are we so keen to make new connections and being part of every form of social media when we can’t spend quality time on existing relationships, we don’t have time to acknowledge and ask how one is doing?

There are many who don’t give importance to loyalty and commitment to their word. People speak about change but refuse to change themselves and yet others who insult and abuse in the name of religion and ethics.

Isn’t Personal Growth about

  1. Achieving more love, belonging, better communication skills and relationships
  2. Accessing greater understanding and wisdom
  3. Aligning, anchoring and actualizing your goals
  4. Awakening the inner voice.
  5. Being a better communicator and listener and to relate to others feelings.
  6. Becoming an instrument of transformation for others
  7. Breaking through barriers, fears and limitations that hold you back. Learning how to create what you want
  8. Changing for the better. Maintain clarity and focus. Make shifts and change more quickly, with less pain. Draw out your own personal pathway to success. Know where you want to go. Know who you are and what you stand for
  9. Measuring, tracking and improving what is important
  10. Developing more self-trust and self-reliance.

Life is a journey where each of us face obstacles in pursuing goals, or in just living.   Some of us get overwhelmed with some of these hurdles and yet some of us work through these challenges and grow stronger. But isn’t life about learning, developing, growing and moving on to take new pursuits and face new challenges?

To me, personal growth is having integrity and being human.  Biggest value that any of us need to have and remember is to Be Human.   We are always one decision, one word, one reaction away from damaging what has taken us years to develop so don’t you think we need to be careful of our words and actions?

Top 5 Reasons to Show Gratitude

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Early this week I got chatting with one of my friends on Twitter ( @SusanMarie_NY).  The discussion started off on a quote by Bruce Lee and somewhere along the way we started discussing the quote by Aldous Huxley “Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted.”

She mentioned about a day when she was feeling miserable waiting at the dentist for her turn and then her attention was suddenly caught by 5 children in wheelchairs being brought in by a school. She was thunderstruck that they were all so happy though they could not walk……

When you come across such meetings in life, don’t things automatically fall in perspective and you realize that we take many things for granted.

More often than not, many of us tend to moan about not having a good dress to wear for a party or not having enough time to be on Social Media or not liking the food since it quite didn’t match our expectation. But when we do so, have we ever asked ourselves what about those who wear torn clothes or have no clothes to wear or those who are fighting for life and or are in a vegetative state or those who have no food to eat.

When I travel, I learn not only about the city, the people, the culture but also realize how lucky I’m in many ways in the city I live in terms of the facilities and efficiency and remind myself I should stop complaining about the city I live in.

Gratitude, an act which we ever so often forget but need to keep it as part of our daily lives. Why Show Gratitude to people around us, things we have, people who care for us and many more..

1. Happiness – a heartfelt gratitude is pleasing to the soul. It reminds us of the positive things we have in our life.

2. Reminder – Many of us complain about Monday morning but have we ever thought there may be many who may not be seeing the Monday dawn. We complain about how stressful work is but what about those who have no work and struggling to find work to earn income. As I continued the conversation with my friend on Twitter, she mentioned something which brought tears to my eyes and I quote “When I begin to take things for granted, “I look at my arms and legs. I am serious.”

3. Peace  – when we pay gratitude to the little things – each day that dawns on us, our eyes, ears, nose, feet, legs, hands, we surround ourselves with peace. If you are at peace with yourself you will find serenity and peace at the world around you.

4. Stronger – life to any of us is never a bed of roses.  We face challenges, and some of these challenges could be nerve wrecking.  But if we allow oneself to step back and think how strong we became from the last daunting task, we will be thankful.  Let’s try to take every trial in life as an opportunity to get strong and be thankful that it makes us stronger.

5. Thank you – there is a God in each of us. Most of us believe in a higher power or God but have you ever realized that God could be in the form of a complete stranger who has helped you by holding the door open for you when your hands are full with loads of bags or someone who has pulled you back from getting knocked over by a vehicle whilst you were walking lost in your thoughts. Each of us have people in the form of parents, brothers, sisters, friends, acquaintances, spouse who care for us, support us and help us. A big Thank you to people who care goes a long way in making their day and makes you feel good.  On Twitter, many of us follow others and vice versa and we strike a relationship with many of them. They become friends and some of them we probably have not met to date in real life. Many of them take time from their day to connect, retweet your posts or some part of your time line and yet I find many who on account of the several followers don’t even bother to acknowledge. You don’t lose anything with a Thank you or a smile as a form of gratitude.

Life has its strange twists and turns but let’s not forget the simple Thank you, Sorry and other forms of gratitude. Make sure when you show gratitude, let it be from within and from your heart.

I know I often complain and moan about how hard my day is or when I have aches and pains but when I see people who are possibly worse than me and still smiling and take life with a positive attitude, I remind myself to smile and look up at what I’ve got in life.

Charity begins at home and let’s start with those who make a difference in our lives each day, who care for us by thanking them

“It is easy to love the people far away. It is not always easy to love those close to us. It is easier to give a cup of rice to relieve hunger than to relieve the loneliness and pain of someone unloved in our own home. Bring love into your home for this is where our love for each other must start” – Mother Teresa

Do you have any experiences of gratitude that you would like to share?

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