courtesy | Little Things That Matter

Top 30 Ways To Be Courteous

29 March 2016 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

Last Saturday, we went to a Restaurant which was highly recommended by one of our friends. We reached the restaurant 5 minutes earlier than the time we had been booked for. As we entered the restaurant, we were “lost” because no one seemed to be asking us, “do you have a reservation”? or “may I help you”? We hung around there for a while and since no one seemed to be attending to us, I decided to proceed further in and ask one of the staff from the restaurant, if this was in fact the right place. He immediately confirmed we were and directed us towards the entrance, saying the lady near the computer will be able to help us.

She seemed totally disinterested in the way she took our name, and cross checked the details of our booking. She then as a matter of fact stated that the table was not ready and that we would need to wait. She asked us if we would like a drink and we placed our order. To add to the indifference that was shown till then, we got the wrong drink. Finally, after 15 minutes, we get accompanied by a lady who looked lost, confused and did not know how to communicate. She showed us to one table which didn’t look very clean and then she turned around and said, that we need to wait for another 5 minutes before they can arrange a better table. By then, I lost my patience and asked if they were interested in serving us or should we find a different restaurant.

Right from the word go, here was a case of someone not caring to show courtesy. Courtesy is important and should be part of each individual’s behavior in their day-to-day dealings.

Courtesy builds rapport, enhances relationship and yet in the busy state of life, people tend to forget to be courteous.

#Courtesy gets through language, race and any other barriers. #leadership #EI

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Courtesy is

Giving your full attention to the person whom you are interacting with.
Not having a “conversation” with your phone whilst you are in a restaurant, in a meeting, or in conversation with someone.
Saying “excuse me” at the gym or at the yoga studio or whilst walking on the road, instead of elbowing someone.
Not stepping on someone’s yoga mat or equipment in the yoga studio or at the gymnasium.
Occupying your 2×2 space at the gymnasium instead of the whole changing room.
Not talking loudly on the phone whilst you are in a public place be it at a restaurant, train, bus, whilst standing in a queue or check in counter at the airport.
Not probe into someone’s personal life.
Not ask someone what salary they are earning or why they have no kids.
Not to eat or drink while checking out at a supermarket
Not to chew loudly in a restaurant or at your office or at any public place.
Saying thank you to anyone who serves you at a bank, restaurant or any other service place or when someone holds the door for you.
Saying sorry when you are wrong.
Not to reserve a place in a queue especially when the other person is not ready.
Smiling because it costs nothing and can brighten your day and someone else’s day.
Acknowledging an email or chat which has been addressed to you within a reasonable period of time.
Remembering someone’s name because that is the sweetest sound to any person in any language.
Keeping up your word.
Saying no to some things so that you can deliver your commitments that you have said to.
Being on time and not taking someone else’s time for granted.
Giving back a book or dress or anything that you may have borrowed from another person and making sure that you return it in a good condition.
Treating others with humility.
Making eye contact when you are conversing with someone.
Saying please instead of directing someone to do something
Making a person feel welcome when they visit your house or your restaurant.
Giving personal space to each one whilst standing in a queue.
Allowing people to get out of the elevator, bus or train before getting in.
Not playing your music loudly or not snoring whilst traveling on a flight or train.
Not getting mega size bags with you and trying to load it as cabin bags.
Giving your seat to somebody who is in need from an age perspective or a pregnant woman.
Not being narcissistic all the time.

Return favors that has either been showered on you or those you asked for. #courtesy #leader

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How are you being courteous in your daily life?

What other items would you like to add to the above on courtesy?

As a #leader and a person in a position of #influence, are you behaving courteously? #EI

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Be #Courteous because it strikes deepest in the grateful and appreciating heart. #EI

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For one-on-one coaching or group coaching or training or facilitation or training on Conversational Intelligence within a team, one on one, with your boss or any difficult conversations, please consult me.

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Humanity In Leadership

7 April 2015 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

I was in conversation with a group of people who work with an organization which believes in assisting others to achieve breakthrough results.

During one of my conversations with one of the senior leaders of this organization, he asked of me information which didn’t seem relevant to what he and I were discussing. Not only that, the request landed on me in a way that, I considered, not courteous. I considered it impolite because the why was never explained nor how it was relevant to the achievement of the final result . Information was being asked of me without stating the why and no clear-cut information from their end was provided.

A rapport that was established, was shaken and somehow in my own mind, I felt the trust was broken. I decided to set aside my emotion and explained to him why I was uncomfortable giving that information at this stage. That didn’t get far because they decided not to continue the conversation with me. They stated that they had their ways of doing things and did not want to deviate from those set procedures or policies. Now, I knew what the real reason was but it seemed strange that this person stated that they did not want to go against their procedure. When the request was made there was no such background given. It was just asked without giving consideration to the sensitivity of the information that was being requested and that too at such an early stage. To me the humanity was missing, and in that, the trust was broken.

One of my clients was sharing with me about one of the conferences she had attended and how one of the speakers showed his vulnerability and some of the members of audience were critical of him.

When she mentioned the reaction of some people in the audience, I recollected an article on HBR about the dehumanization of leadership. I quote “Trust in business leadership is at historic lows, according to surveys by Edelman and the World Economic Forum. One reason might be what INSEAD professors Gianpiero and Jennifer Petriglieri call the “dehumanization of leadership”— that is, our tendency to think of leaders as either instrumental (pursuing a particular business goal) or heroic (pursuing a unique vision). In short, we want super-machines or super-humans, or both, at the top of our organizations, and many CEOs strive to meet those expectations. They’ve been trained to hide vulnerabilities, to plan and stay the course, to minimize risk, and to be consistent, level-headed, and in complete control at all times. Inevitably, however, they fall short.”

As a #leader, how do you seek to connect with others? #leadfromtheheart #leadfromwithin #humanity #peopleskills

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⇒Do you think being in a position of power automatically gives you the right to demand what you want without being courteous?

⇒What does it take in you to connect with somebody emotionally ?

⇒Do you as a leader forget to be human in order to be in complete control at all times?

What does it mean to be human?

1. Dare to say “I don’t know”

No leader is expected to know all things. Behave in a way that you can learn from others and that you rely on others to get the job done. You are not perfect nor somebody who is indefatigable.

2. Be courteous

Treat others as they would want to be treated.

#Courtesy is the essence of a human connection and #trust gets reiterated when you are #polite and caring.

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Procedures and policies are important but don’t forget the necessity of human interaction and connection, if you want to make the former successful.feel upset, disappointed and be worried. And it is difficult to be inspired by someone who sticks to negativity and does not instill hope in their team. Being optimistic is key. Are you creating an environment of fear or trust and hope?

3. Be vulnerable and emotional

We are emotional beings and without emotions the relationship seems like a farce. You are able to connect with an individual better when they show their vulnerability because that shows their authentic self. Would you rather learn from someone who thinks they are perfect and can never commit a mistake or from someone who has learnt from mistakes and life’s challenges?

4. Optimistic

It is okay to feel upset, disappointed and be worried. And let that not be a mainstay of your life. t is difficult to be inspired by someone who sticks to negativity and does not instill hope in their team. Being optimistic is key. Are you creating an environment of fear OR trust and hope?

5. Command v/s Request

If you choose to ask somebody to deliver something, make sure it is a request and the person knows why that request is being made of them. No matter who you are, you have no right to demand information or make somebody feel threatened and insecure.

We live in a technologically advanced age and as humans, it is impossible to connect and establish trust, if you behave like a robot. Relationships are formed and happen when the connection with another person happens from the heart and you don’t give in to judgment or assumptions.

How are you connecting with people ?

Are you being #human in the way you #behave and interact with others? #peopleskills #leadership

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For speaking, on-on-one coaching, workshops, facilitation, training, let’s connect.

Top 10 Courtesies To Show Your Humanity

7 October 2014 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

On my way to work the other day, I saw a vehicle which had “Boston University” written in bold red color right next to the license plate. I wondered why they would have that sign displayed on the car. I couldn’t help think if it was a display of insecurity, high handed-ness or was it just being boastful and a display of titles.

Looking at this vehicle with the sign of “Boston University” displayed brought back memories of an incident while I was working with one of the organizations. A gentleman from one of our overseas office stands by my desk, throws his business card, taps my desk and says do you know who I am? I was irritated at the disrespect and lack of courtesy he showed. I turned around and remarked, sorry you are disturbing me and I don’t know who you are, would you care to introduce yourself? He again taps on his business card and says he is the head of sales…..

You don’t need a title to be a #leader. #leadership #leadfromwithin #peopleskills

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You don’t need a set of qualifications and titles next to your name to show who you are. In fact the more you display your titles, the more you are possibly conveying the wrong message to your audience.

What are the simple courtesies that you need to remember in order to relate to another person or influence the other person positively?

1. Say “thank you”, “please”, ‘you’re welcome”, “sorry”, “may I” …

These are simple words yet have a long-lasting impact when used with sincerity and genuineness. Use them often and mean it when you say it.

2. Acknowledge

Would you like to be ignored? If not, why would you not want to return phone calls or acknowledge emails from your colleagues or friends? If you think “you matter”, so do others. There is nothing worse than ignoring somebody with your silence by way of not returning phone calls or responding to emails.

3. Be Kind

Throwing a business card or exchanging business cards (as much as it may be a habit from so-called culture) is not the way to get to know someone or introduce yourself or to start a relationship. Life is short and it is not Tories or business cards that matter. Find ways to be kind in the way you strike, build or continue a relationship.

4. Committed To Your Word

Talking your talk is important and don’t forget that walking your talk is imperative. You may be a good marketer and have the gift of gab but finally your true colors will be known when you are not committed to your word. Your word is you and represents your brand.

5. Words of Encouragement

Empower yourself and others through your words of support and encouragement. Praise every improvement that you have observed in somebody and make them feel appreciated and important because they deserve it.

6. Silence

There is a time to be silent and a time to speak up. Know the appropriateness of the moment. Don’t throw your weight around with your titles and inappropriate actions and words.

7. Ask Questions

By asking relevant and appropriate questions you can strike a chord with somebody. Asking is better than telling. By giving orders, you aren’t going to get further in any relationship.

8. Value of Your Time

Time once lost can never be gained back. You snooze, you lose. I find it amazing when people don’t respect punctuality. Emergencies happen but not on a regular basis.

Show #courtesy for other’s #time by showing up on time and making it well it’s worth. #life #leadfromwithin

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9. Listen

The best #gift you can give someone is your #time and undivided attention. #leadfromwithin #life #courtesy

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If you are in a conversation with someone, be in the moment and listen. There is no use listening selectively or pretending to listen.

#Listen with your #heart and listen to understand. #leadfromwithin #leadership #EI #communication #peopleskills

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10. Let Go

Give in and let go because sometimes that may be better for yourself and others. This is probably one of the most difficult to implement every time. Self –awareness via gentle reminders to yourself helps you to let go.

People may forget whom a business card belongs to or your titles but they will never forget how you made them feel. Take the responsibility to make people feel valued and important in your interactions because they matter and you matter. Inspire and lead by example and with your actions.

For Coaching, Speaking, Training let’s connect.

Where’s The Respect, Courtesy and Professionalism Gone?

9 July 2014 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

Excuse me, may I get something from my locker. I will be real quick. That was the voice I heard behind me at the ladies changing room at the gym today. That was music to my ears. I immediately moved, smiled and acknowledged the grace and sweetness with which this lady had spoken. I thanked her for her courtesy. Hearing my comment another lady from the far end remarked, OMG, you are so right. One rarely gets to hear a true form of apology or gratitude or excuse me these days. On her way out she apologized to me saying, I couldn’t help making that remark. I smiled and told her that she made a valid observation and there was no need to be apologetic and I thanked her for her support.

While it takes only a few words to make someone’s day, words poorly chosen have the inordinate power to start an argument, spoil someone’s day, destroy relationships, lead to arguments, and cause embarrassment.

Three simple words “Sorry”, “Thank you”, “Please” have the immense potential to empower your communication, build rapport and enhance relationships when used with the proper tone and intention.

I say proper tone and intention because I have been at the receiving end of “sorry” with absolutely no apology intended. A week back, I suddenly get a jolt in my elbow and before I could even recover from my excruciating pain, this man says sorry and again rudely steps his shoes over my feet and my toe nail comes off. He doesn’t bother saying sorry and he marches off pretending to be unaware of what he had done. I come across similar types of behavior in the elevators of building, at offices and also at the gym. I take the example of the gym many times because to me a gym is where you go to work out, get healthy and in turn build your endurance. That means over time you should adopt the right attitude no matter the tearing hurry you may be in. If you cannot be courteous and ride over your challenges at the gym, what is the point in going for a workout?

Isn’t life similar to the gym? Because life is presenting you with some unnerving moments doesn’t mean you have the right to stomp over somebody else with your attitude and actions.

Yet in today’s so-called well-connected digital and fast paced world that we live in, we care more about speed with which we achieve results instead of the quality. Yes… We are dealing with multi tasks and juggling with many issues at the same time. We are hard pressed for time, yet by no means does that give us the right to behave aggressively or arrogantly to one another. Just because we sit behind computers trying to build rapport and relationships, it doesn’t mean we throw etiquette, courtesy and respect out of the window.

When did any of us stop appreciating courtesy or an apology? If the answer is never, why has “I’m sorry” changed to “I’m sorry but” or I appreciate what you are saying morphed into “I appreciate what you are saying, however “

Why have we become so stingy in being appreciative of something that somebody has done or acknowledging somebody’s email?

I find it appalling when people write so many blogs on leadership and yet when you interact with some of them, they seem to be lacking the courtesy to acknowledge or be thankful.

Communication is complete only if the words are expressed in a tone and manner that is congruent to what the words mean. Silent gratitude and apologies are no good.

Words are an important part of our communication but when there is in-congruency between the words, body language and tone, we pay more attention to the non verbal. Research by Albert Mehrabian has indicated that in cases where we are incongruent, we give

7% of meaning in the words that are spoken.
38% of meaning is paralinguistic (the tone).
55% of meaning is in facial expression.

In the world of chats, IM, hangouts and every other form of digital media which we live in, we forget to frame our thoughts and words. We don’t take time to acknowledge emails, messages, tweets, chats and we say things without recognizing the impact of our words or cryptic one word responses.

Would you shrink in your status or size if you said a genuine sorry or please or Thank you.

Would you downgrade yourself if you acknowledged somebody?

Would you belittle yourself if you showed gratitude or appreciated someone for a job well done? Click To Tweet

Effective communication starts with your feelings, your thoughts and the attitude you take to every situation. Click To Tweet. It is these thoughts that translates into words, body language and tone in your voice. Are they congruent? Are they effective?

Are you leading by example in the way you communicate? Click To Tweet

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

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How To Take Charge Of Your Personal Growth : 10 Essentials

6 August 2012 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

“We want a world where life is preserved, and the quality of life is enriched for everybody, not only for the privileged.” ~ Isabel Allende

Personal Growth is one which I find it difficult to define because it encompasses a lot of things. When we are born, most of us are given a suitcase full of standards, acceptable behavior, things to learn,values & a whole load of do’s and don’ts. As we grow and progress in life we keep adding or throwing away some contents of this suitcase. Each of us thus become a product of the choices we have made or that we have consciously decided not to make.

How many times in your day-to-day life have you been told right from childhood, ” you can’t do this” or “you need to follow this”, or “the deadline for this project is 20 days from now”, “you need to get married by 25” or as a woman you hear “you need to behave lady like” or something similar.

We may choose to follow some of these instructions, advise or suggestions and yet others we ignore because we feel it is just gender stereotyping. However respect, being ethical and being human is something I would like to think that most of us are ingrained with while growing up. This value is further enhanced when we observe our parents, and the behavior of our community in which we socialize.

In today’s day and age I find many who have lost the basic etiquette of courtesy, and being polite. Take the case of social media where you try to make new connections and most people love to get more and more followers. Whilst it is good to make new connections, I find it strange and disrespectful when some of them don’t even bother to acknowledge you when you RT them or react to something on their timeline (I’m not referring to trolls here). Why are we so keen to make new connections and being part of every form of social media when we can’t spend quality time on existing relationships, we don’t have time to acknowledge and ask how one is doing?

There are many who don’t give importance to loyalty and commitment to their word. People speak about change but refuse to change themselves and yet others who insult and abuse in the name of religion and ethics.

Isn’t Personal Growth about

Achieving more love, belonging, better communication skills and relationships
Accessing greater understanding and wisdom
Aligning, anchoring and actualizing your goals
Awakening the inner voice.
Being a better communicator and listener and to relate to others feelings.
Becoming an instrument of transformation for others
Breaking through barriers, fears and limitations that hold you back. Learning how to create what you want
Changing for the better. Maintain clarity and focus. Make shifts and change more quickly, with less pain. Draw out your own personal pathway to success. Know where you want to go. Know who you are and what you stand for
Measuring, tracking and improving what is important
Developing more self-trust and self-reliance.

Life is a journey where each of us face obstacles in pursuing goals, or in just living. Some of us get overwhelmed with some of these hurdles and yet some of us work through these challenges and grow stronger. But isn’t life about learning, developing, growing and moving on to take new pursuits and face new challenges?

To me, personal growth is having integrity and being human. Biggest value that any of us need to have and remember is to Be Human. We are always one decision, one word, one reaction away from damaging what has taken us years to develop so don’t you think we need to be careful of our words and actions?

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