Little Things That Matter

Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

6 Fences To Build For Yourself

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Recently, I watched the movie Fences, in which Troy Maxson (Denzel Washington) makes his living as a sanitation worker in 1950s Pittsburgh. Maxson once dreamed of becoming a professional baseball player, but was deemed too old when the major leagues began admitting black athletes. Bitter over his missed opportunity, Troy creates further tension in his family when he squashes his son’s (Jovan Adepo) chance to meet a college football recruiter (source IMDb)

In this movie, Troy decides to build a fence around his house and he does this over several years and it is finally completed near the end of the movie. What has the name Fences got to do with the movie? It could be a depiction of Troy’s way of keeping his fears out or could be construed as him trying to build the emotional barriers between himself and his sons. It could also be interpreted as Rose’s (Troy’s wife) way of keeping her family protected and safe.

As I was watching the movie, I was thinking of what Fences are we building around our self and which of them do we really need?

What are the fences that we need to build and what do we need to get rid of ?

⇒6 Fences you may want to consider to build

 

1.Lighten Your Load

Often, when we travel, we carry heavy baggage that slows us down. A lot of this heavy baggage, in daily life, comes from negativity and getting stuck in our way of thinking. You can break the fences, by keeping an open mind and a positive attitude. Keeping a frozen mind does not help us to see things from a different perspective.

Try honestly to see things from the other person’s #perspective to lighten your load. #resilience

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2.Believe In Yourself

The grass looks greener on the other side and it does not have to be if you believe in yourself and keep your expectations optimistically positive. Unless and until your trust yourself and believe in your abilities and work towards your dream, no one else will.

Believing in yourself means breaking down the fences of self-doubt and fear. #transitions

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Learn from every experience by asking what you did well and what you could do different. #leadership

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3.Be Accountable

Are you clear about your priorities? Do you evaluate and reflect on them often? It is important to determine what is important along a time frame – 1 year, 6 months, 3 months, and so on and fine tune it to a daily basis. Trying to please everyone is not possible and take responsibility in setting boundaries that will help you to say yes only to things that are important.

Setting priorities and non-negotiable boundaries/fences will help you to be #accountable.

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4.Listen

Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves – Dale Carnegie.

As a human being and a leader, it is about how well you listen. You may have the gift of gab and it takes self-regulation and awareness to step back and listen. Are you building fences in a way that stops you from listening to others?

5.Care

Do you care for your team and build relationships? Do you connect with your team and build rapport and trust with them? Are you, your clients trusted advisor? Make people with whom you work realize that they matter and appreciate them for things they do well.

Don’t build a fence around yourself from connecting with your team and who they are. #leadership

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6.Personal growth and development

Do you give enough time for your own personal growth and development? A leader recognizes the importance of willingness to grow and develop their skills and thinking. Break down the fences that stops you from investing in your learning and development, be it your negativity, your excuses, or anything else.

Strive to keep learning and growing to be dynamic, up to date and be value added. #leadership

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What fences are you locking yourself in?

Set yourself free from all those fences that stops you from using your abilities, believing in yourself and to be who you are.

 

Connect with me for one-on-one coaching or group coaching or facilitation of workshops or training or as a keynote speaker on areas of communication and leadership.

Little Things That Matter In Life.

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I received a text from a friend of mine asking me how I was doing and specifically on something that I had discussed with her that was worrying me. I felt thrilled on receiving the message from her. Another friend of mine who was with me, while I received this asked me why I felt so thrilled with the message. I told her that I felt thrilled because it is the thought that counts.

A simple wish, a message or phone call asking you how you are or wishing you for your birthday or good luck means much more than someone who does not bother to wish you or ask you how you are. Most of us have friends or relatives who rarely think of us and may be buy us a gift once in a while and make a big ado about this. Yet, there are others who with their simple thoughts and kind deeds make your day. It is not the big or expensive gifts that necessarily count but a gift or thought no matter how small, is much more precious because at least that person has made an effort to think of you and is doing it with their heart and soul.

Life is made of moments and every little thing counts because it these little things that make up life’s moments. Significant and big things are important to each of us and yet it is the little things that make each day and give us that pleasure and joy. Let us learn to recognize it, feel it, sense it and appreciate it

Life is what we make of it and there are many things which is beyond our control. When life throws you a curve ball and she does throw this ever so often, you can build your resilience by the attitude you take to life’s challenges. It is appreciating those little things in life which will enable us to see the positivity in the negativity that may surround us.

Here are some things which I appreciate in life:

1.Gratitude 

Reminding myself of things that went right no matter how small even on a day which felt horrible because of the events that happened on the day.

2.Exercise

Taking time consciously in a day to do gym and yoga. It is these moments which energizes me and helps me de-stress and live in that moment.

3.Nature

Time with nature when I do have the time to hike. Being with nature helps me find myself and provide clarity to me.

4.Appreciate  

The special people in your life, the thoughtful things they do for you, the good wishes they send your way.

5.Grounded

One of my yoga instructors made a great comment recently. While we were seated, she said, feel the grounding of any part of your body that is in contact with the ground. When she said that I immediately felt a gratitude for my hands and feet that work and is able.

6.Cooking

Preparing a dish or several dishes and letting your creativity flow.

7.Walking

Walking and feeling the air around you.

8.Thank you

A #thankyou from your heart ever so often not only cheers you up but brings #joy to others.

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9.Thinking and reaching out

Reaching out to your friends or family and sending them good wishes.

10.Listening

Thank people who give you the gift of their time and sincere ears.

Give the #gift of your time to #listen with your ears, eye, heart and soul. #communication

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Give your undivided attention to your family, near and dear ones and to your team.

11.Remembering names

“Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” -Dale Carnegie. How do you feel when someone addresses you by their name? Each of us feel good when people remember our name. Let’s give that joy to someone else.

12.Asking About Personal Interests

Get to know a colleague of yours at a deeper level. What are their interests? Asking questions or commenting on such interests before or after a meeting or at lunch or after work builds a bridge of connection. This connection helps you to make that relationship stronger.

Little things matter because they help you to #appreciate #life and what you have. #gratitude

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What are some of the things that you appreciate in life? Please feel free to share it in the comments box.

Please consult me for one-on-one coaching, facilitating work shops on communication, transitions, diversity or leadership.

What Does It Take To “Lead By Example”?

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Two days back, I had to change my gym routine due to my work schedule. As a result, I decided to try out an instructor whose class I have not tried out before. During the class, he kept repeating, “……come on, more energy” to some members of the class and yet there was no change. I had to consciously remind myself to be at a high energy level and keep my focus.

Why did I have to consciously remind myself to be energetic, when being energetic and enthusiastic is something that I am. What was lacking?

The instructor’s energy levels were low. His movements in the Combat class lacked power, enthusiasm and energy. He was eager in his facial expressions but not in his moves and technique, which is imperative in a combat class or in any of the fitness class.

I was reminded of that moment, 4 years back, where my master trainer told me that as a facilitator my energy and enthusiasm levels have to be congruent to what I am saying and to the moment. To quote him “If your energy levels are at 80% then the participants in the class are going to be at probably at 40%-50%. When you keep your energy levels to 150%, then you will have a class with enthusiastic and engaged participants.”

I experienced the lack of enthusiasm and engagement, in the fitness class and have experienced it in the facilitation of trainings or workshops by some other trainers and on some occasions, early on, in my own journey, of being a corporate leadership and communication facilitator.

No matter what role each of us play, we cannot expect others to follow, listen, support or do anything till we play that role in its entirety.

Be #excited, #eager and #energetic in what you do, say and how you say and look, to #leadbyexample.

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How can you be a leader if you are not:

 

1.Enthusiastic

If you are not enthusiastic about what you do, what you say, how you look, how you act and say, then you do not lead by example and you will not be able to gain others trust. You will not be credible.

2.Encouraging

When you speak words of encouragement you show others that you trust their potential and recognize and appreciate them. When you see others doing their job well, and show your appreciation and encouragement, you give others a fine reputation to live up to.

You inspire action by appreciating others for what they have done well. #leadership

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3.Getting a Fresh Perspective

Words of command or request mean nothing if you are not willing to be in the trenches. Similarly words of encouragement do not mean anything, if they are not genuine. A leader is one who knows how to let go and does so by getting a fresh perspective. If things are not working, ask yourself what other perspective could you have, to achieve your desired outcome.

4.Prioritizing

Each of us have 24 hours in a day, and yet constrained by time. By not prioritizing, you lose focus and are unable to be enthusiastic and energetic, thus setting a bad example.

5.Accountable

If you are not accountable for your actions, you will not be credible. Accountability is an important trait in every human being.

6.Resilient

Your ability to handle challenges and grow from there and thereby enhance your skills shows your resilience.

A #leader leads by example only if they walk their talk and are #consistent and #committed.

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No matter how you feel, you can be inspiring as a leader only when you show enthusiasm and energy in what you have to say or do.

How are you being enthusiastic?

How do you manage your moods and other challenges in order to be energetic?

Communication is an essential part of leadership. If you are looking to enhance your communication skills and be an effective leader, please consult me for one -on-one coaching, group coaching, workshops to facilitate a training or as a key note speaker.

5 Secrets To Good Conversations

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Three weeks back, I was facilitating a training, where we had just completed a module on capturing attention of the audience by way of brief and captivating personal stories. In the debrief, a challenge that was expressed by some participants was that they are no good at thinking of and telling stories. I did not want to disagree with them or persuade them otherwise. Instead, I got the group together in a circle and I said I’ll start by saying one or two words and we continue clock wise with each participant adding one of two words that link and make sense, till we build a meaningful story. Initially, some participants took a little longer than others. In the second round it got more interesting and quicker and we built a fun and captivating story at the end of 5 minutes. Five minutes is all it took to build a story and a conversation. The conversation flowed, creativity was at its best and the participants who were skeptical of their story telling skills at the outset, realized that they were unnecessarily giving in to their inner fears. There were smiles, positivity and a rise in energy at the end of this activity.

A month ago, I got an email through my website. I normally do not click open these random emails. This time, I clicked open only because the name of this person was the same as that of one of my school friends. When I opened this email, lo and behold, it was her. After 25+ years she had found me. We connected and chatted for almost an hour. It seemed we hadn’t lost contact. There were no inhibitions, no judgment and a conversation that just flowed.

How many times have been in conversations that felt like the two above?

How many times have we felt inspired by the conversation where the words and ideas are flowing like a painter painting with inspiration on his canvas.

What is the secret to such Good Conversations ?

1.Be Genuinely Interested In The Other Person

How have you felt when someone talks endlessly about themselves, their achievements, whom they know ?Boring.. and maybe you want to run away.

One of Dale Carnegie’s principles of Building Rapport with others is to “

“Become genuinely interested in other people”. #leadership #influence #communication

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In his book “How To Win Friends and Influence People“, one of the examples he gives is when he met a distinguished botanist at a dinner party and the conversation that flowed thereafter. Dale Carnegie had never met a botanist before and found meeting the botanist fascinating. He, during the entire conversation with the botanist listened to the botanist. On his way out, the botanist was singing praises about Dale Carnegie to the host of the dinner party and called him a good conversationalist.

Dale Carnegie had listened and listened intently and he did so because he was genuinely interested.

Best conversations begin by showing genuine interest in other people, their world and what interests them.

2.Listening To Connect

Most of today’s conversations miss the mark because people are so involved in their smart phone that they don’t listen to understand. They do not even hear, forget about listening.

Even when listening happens, people are listening to react and respond.

If we don’t feel good when we are not listened to, why would we want to not listen to someone else?  Listen, Listen, Listen and there is no short cut to this .

Through #listening we #influence and we #connect. #leadership #communication #peopleskills

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Throw yourself a challenge and listen actively to at least 5 conversations that you have per day, for the next 15 days. What did you experience? Feel free to share the experience.

3.Ask Questions To Engage

Asking good #questions is about showing genuine interest. #communication #leadership #influence

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. Ask open ended questions and listen to the answers to engage in a good conversation. Probing and deep dive questions should be avoided if you are meeting the person for the first time or haven’t yet built a rapport. In fact, if you are genuinely interested in the person and the conversation, it is not difficult to ask relevant questions.

Questions are a great way to have a great conversation and be engaging, as long as they are relevant and appropriate.

4.Add Value

In any conversation, especially business conversations, always look for opportunities to add value.

Appeal to people’s nobler motives. #conversation #communication #transitions #leadership

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Asking questions, listening and observing are some ways to add value to the conversation. Where possible lend a helping hand.

5.Meaningful Connection

Reach out to people in meaningful ways and have an open mind about building rapport when you meet somebody for the first time. Good conversations are those where a meaningful connection is made irrespective of when and with whom you connect. Be aware about time and the space where you have these conversations. Time pressure and lack of distraction free space may mar conversations, even before it starts.

What are some of the characteristics of a conversation you would call good? Please feel free to add that in the comments box.

If the way you communicate is standing in between where you are and where you desire to be in terms of achieving our goals, consult me either for one-on-one coaching, group coaching , facilitation, training or to be a key note speaker.

15 Ways To Enhance Your Self-Awareness

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As soon as you walk into the airport check in counter of the specific airline that you are flying with, you may have observed that the flight personnel approach you and ask you these questions

Which class are you flying?
Where are you flying to?
Are you flying business class?

For a seasoned traveler and a traveler who is in a hurry to check in and go through immigration and security, answering these irrelevant questions is probably a waste of time. They know where they are going, which line they need to check in and which class they are flying.

Even for relatively new travelers, answering those barrage of questions asked either loudly or as a matter of fact, may be a waste of time.

Probably a better question may be
How may I help you ?
Do you need help?
In case you need help, please ask me, my name is …..

No matter what services you are offering or what you are doing or whom you are being, self-awareness is crucial. 

#Self-awareness is crucial in every aspect of your #life. #leadership

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Often, when I am either coaching my clients or conducting workshops or facilitating, I am often asked how does one become self-aware?

Cultivating Self-awareness can vary from person to person. Hint: observe, listen and self-coach.

Self-coaching can be done by asking questions of yourself. Asking pertinent questions of yourself and others is a great way to engage in fruitful conversations with others and also with yourself (by way of self-talk).

What questions can ask yourself to cultivate self-awareness?

→1.Did I show genuine interest whilst conversing with others? If not, why not? How can I improve myself?

→2.Did I accept my mistake when I made one? If not, what was the reason for the hesitancy? How can I become better at accepting my mistakes ?

→3.Do I know what made me uncomfortable in that specific situation ? If yes, how can I get over it, if something similar happens next time?

→4.What were the reasons I hesitated to speak up ?

→5.How can I remind myself to listen actively when I am distracted? 

Observing and #listening is crucial in cultivating #self-awareness.#leadership #communication

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→6.Did I appreciate and recognize my team mates and my partner or spouse and my near and dear ones, especially when they deserved it? When I recognized them, did I express it genuinely?

→7.Did I give into my anger or did I recognize it and took steps to overcome it in a healthy way?

→8.How well am I able to manage my emotions from moment to moment, in every moment of choice? 

How am I managing my #EI in every moment of #choice? #life #leadership

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→9.We are all biased, did I give into my bias or took a step back to behave differently?

→10.

How am I making myself different in my behaviors and actions as #life teaches me her lessons?

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→11.Am I behaving and acting in a way that reflects my values? Am I giving respect to others values?

→12.Am I adding value in what I do and who I am in the situation in front of me?

→13.Do I enrich diversity in my day-to-day activities and in who I am ?

→14.Do I criticize, condemn and complain when I am frustrated ?

→15.How do I react to changes and challenges that come my way?

This is not an exhaustive list of questions but a good start to think and ask of yourself.

Self-awareness starts with being aware of the impact of your behaviors and actions in every moment of choice. Every action has a reaction and how are you being in the moment?

Courtesy, Humility, Empathy, Respect result from being #self-aware. #leadership

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. Your character is tested in moments of adversity and challenge and not when life is on a cruise.

How are you cultivating self-awareness?

To cultivate self-awareness and overcome inner fears, please consult me for either one-on-one coaching, group coaching, facilitation, workshops or as a speaker.

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Top 30 Ways To Be Courteous

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Last Saturday, we went to a Restaurant which was highly recommended by one of our friends. We reached the restaurant 5 minutes earlier than the time we had been booked for. As we entered the restaurant, we were “lost” because no one seemed to be asking us, “do you have a reservation”? or “may I help you”? We hung around there for a while and since no one seemed to be attending to us, I decided to proceed further in and ask one of the staff from the restaurant, if this was in fact the right place. He immediately confirmed we were and directed us towards the entrance, saying the lady near the computer will be able to help us.

She seemed totally disinterested in the way she took our name, and cross checked the details of our booking. She then as a matter of fact stated that the table was not ready and that we would need to wait. She asked us if we would like a drink and we placed our order. To add to the indifference that was shown till then, we got the wrong drink. Finally, after 15 minutes, we get accompanied by a lady who looked lost, confused and did not know how to communicate. She showed us to one table which didn’t look very clean and then she turned around and said, that we need to wait for another 5 minutes before they can arrange a better table. By then, I lost my patience and asked if they were interested in serving us or should we find a different restaurant.

Right from the word go, here was a case of someone not caring to show courtesy. Courtesy is important and should be part of each individual’s behavior in their day-to-day dealings.

Courtesy builds rapport, enhances relationship and yet in the busy state of life, people tend to forget to be courteous.

#Courtesy gets through language, race and any other barriers. #leadership #EI

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Courtesy is

  1. Giving your full attention to the person whom you are interacting with.
  2. Not having a “conversation” with your phone whilst you are in a restaurant, in a meeting, or in conversation with someone.
  3. Saying “excuse me” at the gym or at the yoga studio or whilst walking on the road, instead of elbowing someone.
  4. Not stepping on someone’s yoga mat or equipment in the yoga studio or at the gymnasium.
  5. Occupying your 2×2 space at the gymnasium instead of the whole changing room.
  6. Not talking loudly on the phone whilst you are in a public place be it at a restaurant, train, bus, whilst standing in a queue or check in counter at the airport.
  7. Not probe into someone’s personal life.
  8. Not ask someone what salary they are earning or why they have no kids.
  9. Not to eat or drink while checking out at a supermarket
  10. Not to chew loudly in a restaurant or at your office or at any public place.
  11. Saying thank you to anyone who serves you at a bank, restaurant or any other service place or when someone holds the door for you.
  12. Saying sorry when you are wrong.
  13. Not to reserve a place in a queue especially when the other person is not ready.
  14. Smiling because it costs nothing and can brighten your day and someone else’s day.
  15. Acknowledging an email or chat which has been addressed to you within a reasonable period of time.
  16. Remembering someone’s name because that is the sweetest sound to any person in any language.
  17. Keeping up your word.
  18. Saying no to some things so that you can deliver your commitments that you have said to.
  19. Being on time and not taking someone else’s time for granted.
  20. Giving back a book or dress or anything that you may have borrowed from another person and making sure that you return it in a good condition.
  21. Treating others with humility.
  22. Making eye contact when you are conversing with someone.
  23. Saying please instead of directing someone to do something
  24. Making a person feel welcome when they visit your house or your restaurant.
  25. Giving personal space to each one whilst standing in a queue.
  26. Allowing people to get out of the elevator, bus or train before getting in.
  27. Not playing your music loudly or not snoring whilst traveling on a flight or train.
  28. Not getting mega size bags with you and trying to load it as cabin bags.
  29. Giving your seat to somebody who is in need from an age perspective or a pregnant woman.
  30. Not being narcissistic all the time.
    Return favors that has either been showered on you or those you asked for. #courtesy #leader

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How are you being courteous in your daily life?

What other items would you like to add to the above on courtesy?

As a #leader and a person in a position of #influence, are you behaving courteously? #EI

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Be #Courteous because it strikes deepest in the grateful and appreciating heart. #EI

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For one-on-one coaching or group coaching or training or facilitation or training on Conversational Intelligence within a team, one on one, with your boss or any difficult conversations, please consult me.

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5 Essential Behaviors To Be Emotionally Intelligent

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Last Friday, I went to see my doctor to get my results on the Nerve Conduction Test, that I had done several weeks back. My GP just read out the report and said I had Carpal Tunnel Syndrome and Peripheral Neuropathy. When I asked him, the further course of action, he replied with the utmost caution. Well……. , you could go to the Orthopedic surgeon or wear a splint. I was curious about the options, despite having already read about the options, which I had explored through Google.

He didn’t give me any direct answers and worse still, he started saying that even with surgery for the carpal tunnel syndrome, there is no guarantee of relief and complete cure. He also remarked that being a diabetic means that, the healing process could get complicated and for neuropathy, control of diabetes is essential.

I sat there listening to him and not giving into my emotions. First of all, no one expects a guarantee. Life is short and there are no guarantees. Secondly, he did not tell me anything new and worse still, instead of being emotionally aware about the language and tone that he uses, he was trying to put the entire blame on me being a diabetic and making judgements on the control of Type 1 diabetes.

I was sitting in his room thinking … Do you even know the life I have lived and have you walked in my shoes? Do you even know and understand how I have managed and controlled my diabetes for over 35 years ?……

→How many times have you been a victim of being judged by another, though they know nothing of your life?

→How many times have you typecast and stereotyped a person based on their gender, race, figure, and some traits that you may have observed in this person which happens to be the same as another person or group of people you know?

→How many times have you been emotionally unaware of the impact that your tone, your choice of words and indifference creates on your audience?

→Have you honestly tried to see things from the other person’s point of view?

As a doctor, a manager or a person empowered to lead a team or organization, how emotionally intelligent are you? Emotional Intelligence is about being

1.Self-Aware

Self-awareness is the capacity to introspect and the ability to recognize oneself as an individual separate from the environment and other individuals. It is being aware of what impact your behaviors have on others. Having self-awareness allows you to see where your thoughts and emotions are taking you. Knowing this, you are able to take control of your emotions, your behavior and make changes you want.

Clearly the doctor was unaware of the impact his behavior had on me.

2.Self-Regulation

Knowing when to say what and how is crucial for anyone and especially those who are in a position of impact.

Self-regulation is about being calm, knowing your values, and holding yourself accountable. #EI

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3.Motivation

#Motivation is about doing what you are doing with #passion, #care and #commitment. #EI

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. Being optimistic and realistic and knowing why you do what you do helps you to stay motivated. Doing something without being motivated not only impacts what you do and who you are but also affects the enthusiasm and morale of others.

4.Empathy

Empathy is about putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and seeing things from their perspective. A leader or anyone in a position of impact and influence, has to try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view. They cannot allow their moods or the events of their day to affect the way they communicate or behave. Yes they are human and they need to think before they speak and regulate and manage their moods and emotions before they converse with other people.

Observe, listen, pay attention to body language and the other person’s feelings. #EI

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5.Humanity

We are social animals and we live in the world of communication. It is not only what we say but how we say (tone, body language and facial expression) that has an impact on other people. People who are human are engaging and energizing communicators in that they pay attention to the words, tone of voice and also their body language. They learn to appreciate the value in another person and engage in constructive feedback.

Be direct in your communication and yet be aware that the way you communicate can create doubt, disengagement and mistrust. If you are someone who is in a position to influence others with your behaviors and actions and not able to guard your feelings, and see things from the other person’s point of view, you lack the EI. And in not being emotionally aware, you do not lead by example nor do you inspire others.

→How Emotionally Aware are you?

→How are you becoming EI in your journey of life?

Transitions in life can cause us to be emotionally challenged and overwhelmed, please consult me for one-on-one coaching, group coaching, facilitation or as a speaker on Emotional Intelligence and Transitions.

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You Will Regret, Not Reading This Right Now

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I was at yoga and as I was holding my push up, the instructor asked “have you injured your left shoulder”? Her question took me by surprise. I responded to her in the negative and then I told her that I had a surgery on my right shoulder rotator cuff, three years back. She said that I am slumping on my left shoulder and the injury and the resultant surgery could be the cause.

Push-ups is something I enjoy at yoga and at the gym and it is only on rare occasions that I would do push-ups with my knees down. I was unaware of this slump on my left shoulder whilst I was doing my push-ups. Now that I was aware of this, I was extra conscious of the same and in fact struggled with my push-ups.

And as I was wondering how I could correct it, I remembered the cycle of competence. I wouldn’t necessarily call myself unconsciously competent in doing push-ups but sudden awareness about this slump on my left shoulder made me feel I had regressed to unconscious incompetence.

→As a leader, how many times are you unconsciously incompetent or consciously incompetent and you allow that to stop you from moving forward?

What can you do as a leader to increase your awareness of your team and your own self-awareness through the cycle of competence?

1.Think about your strengths

In moving from stage 1 of unconsciously incompetent to stage 4 of unconsciously competent or stage 5 of reflective competence, rely on your strengths. When you focus on your strengths and your teams’ strengths, it will change your perspective and give you the confidence to move from stage to stage and be on the right path.

2. Think about your challenges

#Life stops when you stop learning and you take an #attitude of “always in the know” #transitions

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 Growth and development happens when you are ready to let go of your inhibitions.

When you recognize what you do well and be reflective, you are able to create opportunities for yourself and your team. When we are in a negative thinking mode, no insights or breakthroughs are possible and in fact it inhibits our brain from clear thinking.

As a leader, you need to realize that the better you become at something, the more you need to consciously think about how you can get better at that task. Those are the new benchmarks by which you judge the success or failure of who you are or what you do.

In learning a new skill or re-learning a skill, there may be moments when you feel you have regressed to previous stages especially if you fail to practice the new way of doing things or exercise the new skill.

In inspiring others to reach their potential, you need to assess where your team is currently, where is their desired outcome and find out what is creating the gap. Telling your team to fix the problem is not going to close the gap between where they are and the final outcome.

#Coaching is necessary to get members of your team to reach the desired state. #leadership

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What is necessary for coaching ?

1.Create a safe place

Do not Judge. Judgment creates defensiveness and stops people from expressing and communicating with an open mind. If you want people to feel respected, listen to them, respect their views, create a safe place and help them grow.

2.Focus on way forward

Don’t focus on what went wrong because that will be self-defeating and demotivating. #coaching

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Keeping focus on how to get to the desired outcomes will help you move forward and help your team overcome the challenges.

3.Be curious

We engage in the world we create. Ask questions instead of telling or giving orders because asking relevant questions keeps people engaged and helps them to think. Asking for your team’s suggestion helps them to be focused and be involved.

4.Get Commitment

Be# goal oriented and get your team to commit to a plan of action. #leadership

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 A plan of action which you help them to design engages them to give their commitment.

Overall, be it in your progression or your team’s progression, create awareness accompanied by a sense of awakening through coaching and coaching yourself by hiring a coach or self-coaching.

⇒Every leader and trainer and coach should be aware that if the awareness of skill and deficiency is low or non-existent – i.e. the learner is at the unconscious incompetence stage – the person will simply not see the need for learning. Thus it is essential to establish awareness of a weakness or training need (conscious incompetence) prior to attempting to impart or arrange training or skills necessary to move people from stage 2 to 3. People only respond to training and coaching when they are aware of their own need for it, and the personal benefit they will derive from achieving it.⇐

For professional executive coaching either one-on-one or group coaching or training or facilitation please contact me.

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Five Steps To Empower Your Way To Resilience

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Last Thursday, my mom had a bad fall. She slipped in the bathroom and badly injured her shoulder, her shoulder cervical area, and her pelvic bone. Initial X-ray, that day, did not reveal any fracture. My mother suffers from Parkinson and Osteoporosis for the past five years. Despite being in pain and agony, she hobbled her way through and still woke up at her usual time at 4 am on Friday. Her pain increased over the weekend and the pain killers seemed to have limited effect. and when she was taken to the hospital on Monday, she was diagnosed with multiple fractures. She has been advised complete bed rest. Yet, with her determination and willpower and my sister’s and dad’s help, she came back home. She made a deal with her Doctor that she will take care and come back on Friday, because the next two days is Diwali, which is our New Year. She did not want to be in the hospital for the next three days.

My mother is a resilient woman. Despite her Parkinson’s and Osteoporosis deteriorating over the years, she is mentally strong, very resilient and with her willpower she bounces back and continues with her life as it unfolds, with her positive attitude.

When you choose to wallow in your mishaps, sorrows or unpleasant changes that come along, you will increase the stress and overwhelm in your life.


Resilience is necessary for each of us because it with our resilient attitude that we face challenges, stay committed, and are able to move forward.

How do you build your resilience ?

1. Set an intention

One of my yoga instructors begins her class by asking us to set an intention and be conscious of that intention through some of the poses that we may find challenging. Setting an intention helps us to focus and direct our effort towards that.

Setting an intention on a daily basis is a gentle reminder to ourselves of what we want to be or achieve at the end of the day. The journey to that intention or goal despite challenges becomes more purposeful.

2. Adopt a positive mindset

A negative mindset leads to negative emotions and the vicious cycle continues. Emotions are present in our daily lives and plays a role in how we behave individually and socially. The limbic system controls our emotions and other brain functions related to our instincts and memories. When our brain perceives a threat or faces a threat or adversity, our brain gets into a fight, flight or freeze mode.

How many times have you been in situations when you sent an email and regretted over it? That is your limbic system in action where essentially your motor skills are in full form and your executive center or the rational part of your brain shuts down.

With a #Positive mind, we allow our #brain to think rationally. #transitions #resilient

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4.Labeling your emotion

We are emotional beings and EI does not mean keeping our emotions pent-up. Be aware of your emotions and what I have found useful is to label my emotions. For e.g. If someone does not respond to an email within the time frame they had committed, I’m either frustrated, angry or resign to the fact that the person is not committed. When I label my emotion, I recognize it and it becomes easier to deal with it. The trick here is to be aware of your emotion, recognize it and instinctively label it without over analyzing and spending too much time.

If you over analyze it, you run the risk of tiring your brain and overwhelming yourself.

5.Reflect

It is easy to blame yourself and criticise. Stop. Resilience is about your ability to take it all in, recognize where you are and move on without losing heart. Learn to reflect on what went well even in those challenging circumstances, what could you do differently to overcome the situation you are in. Tell yourself, “I am going to overcome this situation” or ” I can do it” and march forward.

The way you speak to yourself i.e. your thoughts, can either help you build yourself or chip away at your ability to feel confident. What will you choose?

Make those whispers to yourself #empowering, empathetic and one that builds your inner #strength.

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Resilience is a continuous process and not restricted to being adept at navigating hurdles and high pressure situations in life. It is about a mindset that helps you thrive through every situation, no matter what they are. Resilience is not about facing every aspect of life on your own. Take the support of friends and family because in confiding and collaborating with others whom you trust, you are able to get insights and breakthroughs.

Change is part of our lives and with some changes, transition takes a longer time and affects our daily being and activity. To lead your life with passion and purpose and overcome and face the transitions in your life and thrive, Contact me for one-on-one coaching, or group coaching or workshops or facilitation. 

Five Successful Behaviors That Leaders Practice To Live Within Their Comfort Zone

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“I don’t like to be constantly told that I need to step out of my comfort zone. I’m happy where I am.” I was at Starbucks yesterday, waiting for a friend of mine to join me, when this remark caught my attention. The lady who made this remark was looking quite frustrated and was possibly having one of those down and out moments.

Do we constantly need to live out of our comfort zone?

Do we need to constantly push somebody out of their comfort zone?

In 1995, when I came to Hong Kong, I had till then never lived alone nor in a new country/city on my own. I took on a new role within the same organization, that I was working for in India. Here I was, in a new country, new culture, new work environment, new language, new role and yet….I learnt my way through, from my mistakes, believing in myself and not giving into my fears and I continue to live and enjoy this city, 20 years later.

If somebody had mentioned to me that I have to step out of my comfort zone, I probably would not have realized, what that meant, then. All I knew, at that moment in time, was that I have to make a meaningful impact, prove my worth, achieve the department goals and in all this, get a sense of fulfillment and grow in my career path and life.

Yet, when I reflect, I did step out of my comfort zone in several ways throughout my journey of 20 years and continue to do so. If I had not done so, I would not have made the journey to where I am today.

Can we live outside of our comfort zone all the time ? No, in fact, not necessary.

We need time to process our experiences and thus need to come back within our comfort zone. If we are constantly seeking new experiences all the time, we may run the risk of missing out the subtlety and experiences of life. In this day of the technological innovations, breakthroughs, and being connected all the time with our smart phones,  change is continuos and the last thing we want, is for the new and interesting to become boring within a short span of time and a sense of apathy to develop.

So, why is there so much importance being given to stepping out of our comfort zone?

We are creatures of our habits and over time, we all gather a set of constricting habits around us—those that we become less conscious of and lull into an auto pilot mode. Some of these habits restrict us from attaining our full potential because we allow ourselves to be dominated by our fears. When you allow some of these not so useful habits to rule you, you will be stuck in a rut.

So how do we motivate ourselves to step out of our comfort zone and yet not make it stressful and nerve wrecking.

1.Have a growth mindset

When you have a growth mindset, you become more aware of opportunities for your self-improvement. Living on an auto pilot mode and continuing the same habits which causes frustration adds to your stress and overwhelm. Challenging yourself to move forward adds that spice and flavor to your life and enables you to achieve progress in your life.

My transitions within the world of investment banking world, where I spent 20 years and switching from a corporate career to running my own business, four years back, has been possible on account of my growth mindset. Research in Neuroscience tells us that our connection to meaningful impact and contribution activates our neural reward networks.

#Learning, #discovering, re-learning helps the neurons in our brains to make new connections.

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2.Change your thoughts

Your thoughts control who you are. If you believe you can’t, you won’t. Living within your comfort zone today, was someday, probably, out of your comfort zone. Living within your comfort zone is good as long as it doesn’t make you stagnant.

How can you expect to progress and move forward in your life if you are not willing to do something with which you are uncomfortable? Anything new is likely to create some uncertainty or discomfort. The first day in your job probably felt uncomfortable and 3-6 months later, you got into the groove.

Give power to your negative thoughts and it starts to control your feelings, words and language and you are not able to break away from the vicious cycle of negativity. Empower your thoughts and the actions that follows as a result.

3.Face Your Fear

Unknown and uncertain things is many times perceived by our brain as a threat. If we allow that fear to dominate us, we become victims of it. A little anxiety may be just what you need to focus your efforts and perform at your peak, psychologists say. Ask yourself how did you overcome some of the fears you had before? What did you learn from that experience? Let logic more than emotion prevail in guiding you to overcome your fears.

“There’s a place for information,” Dr. Taylor (Kathleen Taylor, a professor at St. Mary’s College of California, who has studied ways to teach adults effectively) says. “We need to know stuff. But we need to move beyond that and challenge our perception of the world. If you always hang around with those you agree with and read things that agree with what you already know, you’re not going to wrestle with your established brain connections.”
Such stretching is exactly what scientists say best keeps a brain in tune: get out of the comfort zone to push and nourish your brain. Do anything from learning a foreign language to taking a different route to work.

#Self-confidence comes from believing in yourself and playing to your strengths

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4.Let go

Believe in yourself, the depth of your talent, the power of your ability and the reach of your potential. If you keep doubting yourself, then you will not be able to move forward. Reflect on things you do well, things which challenge you and where you need to improve, and how you can use your strengths to overcome your challenges. Seek the help of a mentor or coach who can be a sounding board and help you get the necessary insights. Let go of being in control of everything in your life. That adds to the overwhelm and stress.

When you change your mind about #stress, it changes your body response too. #transitions

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Viewing the stress response as helpful, the heart still pounds but the way your body responds is similar to when you are in joy and courage. If you think of something as a challenge, which you will enjoy, then you are able to live up to that challenge.

5.Diversity

Whilst learning, growth and development happens outside your comfort zone, seek diversity on things you already do well and within your comfort zone. This will give you the optimal balance of being challenged and in a healthy way. Try out different ways of doing something, you have been doing as a routine. For e.g. If you write every Monday, to publish your blog post and you feel bogged down by sticking to that routine, try changing it to another day. Not every aspect of your life at every stage needs to be viewed as stepping out of your comfort zone.

If using the word “Outside your Comfort Zone”, bothers you and causes agony in you, reframe your communication.

Ask, what do you need to start doing to get to your vision or goal? What do you need to stop doing to achieve your dreams? What do you need to give up to reach your potential ? Enjoy the journey and if you feel you are running on a hamster wheel, Stop, reflect and check if you have pushed yourself way too hard to cause overwhelm and fatigue.

The idea is to move forward and provide yourself motivation to take steps to achieve what you seek and that means to get uncomfortable with the comfortable and comfortable with the uncomfortable. Your growth as a human being and a leader depends on it.

Transitions creates overwhelm and challenges in our life. Some of the changes that we get dealt with are outside our control and some are within our control. How we transition to these changes in our life is entirely up to each of us. Grow and develop or choose to stay stagnant. Consult me for either one-on-one coaching, group training, facilitation, or workshops.