Little Things That Matter

Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

6 Fences To Build For Yourself

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Recently, I watched the movie Fences, in which Troy Maxson (Denzel Washington) makes his living as a sanitation worker in 1950s Pittsburgh. Maxson once dreamed of becoming a professional baseball player, but was deemed too old when the major leagues began admitting black athletes. Bitter over his missed opportunity, Troy creates further tension in his family when he squashes his son’s (Jovan Adepo) chance to meet a college football recruiter (source IMDb)

In this movie, Troy decides to build a fence around his house and he does this over several years and it is finally completed near the end of the movie. What has the name Fences got to do with the movie? It could be a depiction of Troy’s way of keeping his fears out or could be construed as him trying to build the emotional barriers between himself and his sons. It could also be interpreted as Rose’s (Troy’s wife) way of keeping her family protected and safe.

As I was watching the movie, I was thinking of what Fences are we building around our self and which of them do we really need?

What are the fences that we need to build and what do we need to get rid of ?

⇒6 Fences you may want to consider to build

 

1.Lighten Your Load

Often, when we travel, we carry heavy baggage that slows us down. A lot of this heavy baggage, in daily life, comes from negativity and getting stuck in our way of thinking. You can break the fences, by keeping an open mind and a positive attitude. Keeping a frozen mind does not help us to see things from a different perspective.

Try honestly to see things from the other person’s #perspective to lighten your load. #resilience

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2.Believe In Yourself

The grass looks greener on the other side and it does not have to be if you believe in yourself and keep your expectations optimistically positive. Unless and until your trust yourself and believe in your abilities and work towards your dream, no one else will.

Believing in yourself means breaking down the fences of self-doubt and fear. #transitions

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Learn from every experience by asking what you did well and what you could do different. #leadership

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3.Be Accountable

Are you clear about your priorities? Do you evaluate and reflect on them often? It is important to determine what is important along a time frame – 1 year, 6 months, 3 months, and so on and fine tune it to a daily basis. Trying to please everyone is not possible and take responsibility in setting boundaries that will help you to say yes only to things that are important.

Setting priorities and non-negotiable boundaries/fences will help you to be #accountable.

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4.Listen

Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves – Dale Carnegie.

As a human being and a leader, it is about how well you listen. You may have the gift of gab and it takes self-regulation and awareness to step back and listen. Are you building fences in a way that stops you from listening to others?

5.Care

Do you care for your team and build relationships? Do you connect with your team and build rapport and trust with them? Are you, your clients trusted advisor? Make people with whom you work realize that they matter and appreciate them for things they do well.

Don’t build a fence around yourself from connecting with your team and who they are. #leadership

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6.Personal growth and development

Do you give enough time for your own personal growth and development? A leader recognizes the importance of willingness to grow and develop their skills and thinking. Break down the fences that stops you from investing in your learning and development, be it your negativity, your excuses, or anything else.

Strive to keep learning and growing to be dynamic, up to date and be value added. #leadership

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What fences are you locking yourself in?

Set yourself free from all those fences that stops you from using your abilities, believing in yourself and to be who you are.

 

Connect with me for one-on-one coaching or group coaching or facilitation of workshops or training or as a keynote speaker on areas of communication and leadership.

Five Steps To Empower Your Way To Resilience

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Last Thursday, my mom had a bad fall. She slipped in the bathroom and badly injured her shoulder, her shoulder cervical area, and her pelvic bone. Initial X-ray, that day, did not reveal any fracture. My mother suffers from Parkinson and Osteoporosis for the past five years. Despite being in pain and agony, she hobbled her way through and still woke up at her usual time at 4 am on Friday. Her pain increased over the weekend and the pain killers seemed to have limited effect. and when she was taken to the hospital on Monday, she was diagnosed with multiple fractures. She has been advised complete bed rest. Yet, with her determination and willpower and my sister’s and dad’s help, she came back home. She made a deal with her Doctor that she will take care and come back on Friday, because the next two days is Diwali, which is our New Year. She did not want to be in the hospital for the next three days.

My mother is a resilient woman. Despite her Parkinson’s and Osteoporosis deteriorating over the years, she is mentally strong, very resilient and with her willpower she bounces back and continues with her life as it unfolds, with her positive attitude.

When you choose to wallow in your mishaps, sorrows or unpleasant changes that come along, you will increase the stress and overwhelm in your life.


Resilience is necessary for each of us because it with our resilient attitude that we face challenges, stay committed, and are able to move forward.

How do you build your resilience ?

1. Set an intention

One of my yoga instructors begins her class by asking us to set an intention and be conscious of that intention through some of the poses that we may find challenging. Setting an intention helps us to focus and direct our effort towards that.

Setting an intention on a daily basis is a gentle reminder to ourselves of what we want to be or achieve at the end of the day. The journey to that intention or goal despite challenges becomes more purposeful.

2. Adopt a positive mindset

A negative mindset leads to negative emotions and the vicious cycle continues. Emotions are present in our daily lives and plays a role in how we behave individually and socially. The limbic system controls our emotions and other brain functions related to our instincts and memories. When our brain perceives a threat or faces a threat or adversity, our brain gets into a fight, flight or freeze mode.

How many times have you been in situations when you sent an email and regretted over it? That is your limbic system in action where essentially your motor skills are in full form and your executive center or the rational part of your brain shuts down.

With a #Positive mind, we allow our #brain to think rationally. #transitions #resilient

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4.Labeling your emotion

We are emotional beings and EI does not mean keeping our emotions pent-up. Be aware of your emotions and what I have found useful is to label my emotions. For e.g. If someone does not respond to an email within the time frame they had committed, I’m either frustrated, angry or resign to the fact that the person is not committed. When I label my emotion, I recognize it and it becomes easier to deal with it. The trick here is to be aware of your emotion, recognize it and instinctively label it without over analyzing and spending too much time.

If you over analyze it, you run the risk of tiring your brain and overwhelming yourself.

5.Reflect

It is easy to blame yourself and criticise. Stop. Resilience is about your ability to take it all in, recognize where you are and move on without losing heart. Learn to reflect on what went well even in those challenging circumstances, what could you do differently to overcome the situation you are in. Tell yourself, “I am going to overcome this situation” or ” I can do it” and march forward.

The way you speak to yourself i.e. your thoughts, can either help you build yourself or chip away at your ability to feel confident. What will you choose?

Make those whispers to yourself #empowering, empathetic and one that builds your inner #strength.

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Resilience is a continuous process and not restricted to being adept at navigating hurdles and high pressure situations in life. It is about a mindset that helps you thrive through every situation, no matter what they are. Resilience is not about facing every aspect of life on your own. Take the support of friends and family because in confiding and collaborating with others whom you trust, you are able to get insights and breakthroughs.

Change is part of our lives and with some changes, transition takes a longer time and affects our daily being and activity. To lead your life with passion and purpose and overcome and face the transitions in your life and thrive, Contact me for one-on-one coaching, or group coaching or workshops or facilitation. 

Why Brand You, Brand Your Organization Matters In Your Success?

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Excerpt from my “Energize Your Leadership” chapter.

For me, identifying and connecting to my vision, helped me Energized My Brand and What I do.

I was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes at the age of 8. I gradually learned what it means to live as a diabetic, from adapting my diet to self- injecting insulin doses daily. You could say I had a head start in resiliency-building, learning along the way that I did not have to let the process of managing my health keep me from pursuing my dreams and goals. With my family’s support, and my own determination and adaptability, I have successfully managed my condition ever since.

When it came time to decide on a career, I gravitated towards those vocations that would allow me to help people. Based on my doctor and my parents advise to achieve my vision of helping people through a different path, I chose a faculty in Business and Commerce, different from my first choice (medical doctor).

After graduation, I became a chartered accountant and began living my new dream of joining an International Bank. My trademark resilience and drive came into play despite my fears about the aggressive nature of the investment world. I thrived and excelled in a male-dominated industry, positively impacted the ROI of my clients and grew a loyal client base.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was building a personal brand of Resilience. Years later, a conversation with a friend prompted me to revisit my brand – specifically, what did my brand mean? What did I want it to represent? Yes, I was resilient – it was who I was at the core, but how was it manifesting itself more widely than simply as a reactive stance? In other words, how was I to take my personal brand and actually be proactive in doing something with it instead of just pulling it out when confronted with challenges?

This was when I realized that I wanted to use my brand to help others recognize theirs. This was my “aha” moment – where I reconnected with my purpose, inner drive and vision of helping people. I wanted to build an organization and a life where not only I was resilient, but the organization itself was based on the concept of resilience.

So I quit the corporate world and set up my company. By becoming an executive coach and trainer, I reinvented myself and translated my vision into one that could help people on their own journeys of growth and development.

As with any deep and worthwhile journey, there are still challenges and setbacks along the way.

I’ve had to remember to be patient and kind to myself. I am still living – and creating – this transition from an investment banker to an executive coach and trainer. When I look at the transition, I see that I’ve made it a success by training and coaching myself, practicing relentlessly and living many aspects of my life out of my comfort zone.

I love to #motivate, #inspire and #support people’s positive potential #EnergizedLeaders

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Helping my clients to be their best and become better communicators and better leaders brings me a joy that I never found in the investment world.

My resilience, persistence, willingness to take risks in life and follow my vision with not only passion but patience and endurance have given me invaluable insights to energized leadership.

Reconnecting with my vision has not only helped me steer through difficulties and challenges, but has helped me define myself and my brand, and develop the resilience to joyfully embrace this journey called “My Life.”

LESSONS LEARNED

My values and vision have shaped who I am and what I do, and have guided me through my corporate career of 20 years and into my current journey as a coach and trainer.

A brand needs to have a strong foundation. The foundations of authentic brands are found in the people who support those brands and the individuals who see their personal brand as being synchronous with the organization’s brand.

How do you become a force of your own life? I have learnt invaluable lessons along the way of my journey. More in-depth insights are provided in the book Energize Your Leadership.

This article is an except from my chapter in “Energize Your Leadership,” a collaborative book project with 16 experts advice on how to ignite, discover, and breakthrough. Order your copy now!

Connect with me on Transitions Intl Ltd.

Five Tips On How To Handle Rejection In Life

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I walked away from a recent chemistry meeting, with a potential client, not feeling too good. The meeting had gone well, yet my intuition told me that I should probably say no. I didn’t make the call immediately but decided to wait. The following day, I did mention to the person who had put me in touch with the potential client. They said they had not heard back from the client yet and said they will let me know in due course. A week later, I heard back from this person saying that the client had chosen another coach for reasons that the other person was older. Despite having heard a No, I was relieved.

A friend of mine had been working on a proposal for a while and despite the competitive price and the uniqueness of her proposal, she did not win the deal. She was dejected and frustrated not so much for hearing a No but not knowing the details of no.

Life goes on and despite the rejections that we face in different aspects of our life, we need to focus on moving forwards and not waste our time immersing ourself in the sorrow that results from the No.

#Life goes on and there is no pause button just because you are #disappointed, #dejected and #frustrated.

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I know it feels horrible to be rejected, and for you to encourage yourselves and move forward, it is essential to bounce back and move on.

Rejection happens for one or more of the following reasons

1. Timing may not be right on account of budget constraints or there is no need at that point in time.
2. The person may not have the authority to say yes and they probably don’t want to disclose the same.
3. They don’t want to commit just as yet.
4. Lack of clarity about what you are offering and how it can satisfy their goal or need. Reluctance to express this complicates things further.
5. They are not interested in the product or deal or what you are offering but they are testing the waters and the market for the different ideas that exist.
6. Different perspectives, opinions, values and ethics.
7. They are unable to build a rapport and connection with you as yet to take the relationship forward.
8. They are envious of you and don’t want to see you progress.

In most of the above cases, people are not willing to directly communicate either the “No” or “the reasons for the No”. They are not willing to ask questions or be candid about budget constraints or acknowledge that they don’t understand all aspects of the deal or the project or what you are offering.

What can you do if you are at the receiving end of the rejection ?

1. If it didn’t kill you, it will make you stronger

This is the attitude to adopt to bounce back. It is natural to feel disappointed but there is no use sinking under that rejection because you will get caught in a negative vicious cycle.

2. What have I learnt from the experience

Every experience teaches you something as long as you are willing to let go of the negativity and experience the learning. Yes, it is hard to practice and still worth attuning your mind to view the experience as lessons learnt. Sometimes, on hindsight, you realize that the No was a blessing in disguise.

3. What, if any, can you do better or different

Not all things work with everyone. Can you approach it differently? What would it take on your part to step out of your comfort zone and use a new perspective. Take support from your family and friends and from those who can be a sounding board to you and enable you to bounce back.

 4. Feedback

When you are made aware about the reasons for rejection, take it as a feedback. You can use this to improve your strategy, where necessary.

Rejection can be viewed positively by looking at it as knowledge and experience gained. You will gain insights towards achieving your end goal. Engage in positive self talk because negativity will cause you more harm than good.

5. Wake up call

Rejection sometimes proves to be a wake up call to change your paths or methodology to achieve the desired vision.

Rejection is Disappointing. It Is Not The End Of The World.

A friend of mine is candid about communicating his no or rejecting something. I communicate directly to people when I have to say no. Be candid and courteous but not blunt.

As a leader, do you want to keep someone hanging out there, without communicating directly or letting them know the reasons?
Are you leading by example by shying away from communicating the real reasons? Most things can be communicated with reasons and are you treating people the way they want to be treated.

How do you deal with rejection ?
How do you communicate your No?

Increase your self-awareness and build your #self-confidence to bounce back from rejections and view #life #positively.

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Emotional Baggage – Unpack Your Trunk

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When I met Beth, a friend of mine, last week, she looked in pain and discomfort. I asked her what was wrong and she said she had gone hiking over the weekend and her shoulders hurt from the heavy load she had carried. Beth is extremely fit and hikes and treks a lot. This, I was surprised to hear about her shoulder ache. She said she had carried an extra heavy bag as a practice for her trek to Mt. Kilimanjaro.

I enjoy hiking and what I dread or dislike the most is to carry a bag on the shoulder with water and some snacks to provide myself the necessary fuel along a long hike.

Carrying a heavy bag on your shoulder is exhausting. Imagine if you had to carry a really heavy bag up a steep mountain. Even the thought of this heavy lifting is exhausting.

If this thought is exhausting, imagine the emotional baggage we carry with us and load our shoulders and mind with the weight possibly day-in and day-out.

Those days when we feel overwhelmed, exhausted and almost feel like tearing our hair apart. Phew, even writing that is exhausting.

How much of worry and stress do we put ourselves through on s day-to-day basis. And the stress that we carry with us affects not only us but others because we show it in our behavior, our body language and our facial expression.

You may say that in this day and age who doesn’t have stress and worry? But do we really need to put ourself and others through this?

Can we step out of our negative thoughts and clear our mind from this emotional baggage? Emotional baggage is burdensome and debilitating, especially if carried over a long time. Stress shows up in various forms and it can affect our self-confidence, our communication with others, our relationships and thus our people skills and of course our ability to inspire and making a positive influence on others.

How do we get over our emotional baggage and the overwhelm factor?

1. What is the worst case scenario?

There are many things, situations, conversations, events that we stress about. In hindsight, we realize that a lot of things where we over think or stress did not happen. Personally, for me asking this question helps me to remind myself that there is a way out and to get the facts clear in my own mind. Asking yourself this question helps you to face your fears, apprehensions and look at things more objectively.

2. What are you resisting?

This helps you to determine if your assumptions are based on inner fears, conjectures or facts. Once you determine your facts, ask yourself what is the worst that can happen? Prepare to accept the worst – this is about your mindset and how much price are you willing to pay ( in terms of your time, your emotional state and your health) to continue to worry about something. Once you have prepared to accept the worst, put efforts to improve on the worst. This process takes the load of your mind and helps you to face a situation objectively without falling a victim to the overwhelm factor.

3. Positivity

Negativity is a vicious circle and one any of us can get easily entangled in it. To snap out of negativity, each of us need to find ways. Negative thinking and stress is good as long as it enables you to move forward. However, if the negativity is only going to lead you to irritation, stress and being engaged in a blame game, let it go.

4. Problem or Imagined

How many of the problems that you conjure up in your head or mind come to fruition? Ask yourself, What is the problem? Is it real or imagined? What are the causes of this problem? What are the possible solutions to tackle this ? What is the best solution?

5. Idle mind

An idle mind is a devils’ workshop. Keep yourself busy instead of engaging in irrelevant conversations and meaningless gossip. Ask yourself is it really worth fussing about trifles? Not everything in life goes as per your plans nor is everything under your control. If you cannot control what is the point in worrying? Have the mindset to accept the situation and face it and deal with it to achieve your desired outcome. What resources do you have to get help to deal with the situation at hand?

#Mindfulness and #presence happens in the moments of #choice. #leadfromwithin #life

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 It is entirely up to each of us how we learn to deal with the roller coaster events of life.

Are you going to pick yourself up, dust yourself and choose to move forward?
Or
Are you going to be overwhelmed and give up?

Our #thoughts matter and you can control your thoughts and #choose how the moments in your day look and feel. #makeithappen

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Resilience And You

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“Everything will be all right in the end. If it’s not all right, then it’s not the end.” Unknown
For me this quote is a gentle reminder of building resiliency.  Resiliency and character is built through tough time and adversities.
Resilience draws from strength of character, from a core set of values that motivates you to make efforts to achieve your vision. It helps you to overcome setbacks and bounce back on the path of success. You need to be self-aware, have self-control and acknowledge there is a set back and be willing to persist.
In an organizational capacity, resilience is the ability to pick yourself up despite the hurdles because you are responsible for others and see yourself as a support to others.
In several organizations and in the political arena of many countries, you hear statements like the growth will be maintained amidst numbers consistently proving otherwise. You continue to hear positive futuristic statements and that it is “business as usual”. However, reality is that no effort is being made to review, examine, critique and change the path to achieve the goals or work towards promoting the economy of the country or the growth of the Company. The internal structures and policies of some companies are designed to stagnate the growth and development. The propellers of change are the biggest hurdles to the very change they claim to want.
Resilience is not about:
→Resistance
→Denial of reality
→Creating a culture resisting change and questioning the archaic methods and beliefs
→Continuing to hope things will change for better without making any effort to rectify the means
→Crumbling under the pressure of challenges along the way
→Being blindsided by competition, mishaps along the way and giving up
→Putting out fires
→Complacency, arrogance, greed or narcissism.
“When things fall apart and we’re on the verge of we know not what, the test of each of us is to stay on that brink and not concretize.” Pema Chodron
Resilience is manifested in actions towards achieving the goal, re-examining, renewing, unlearning and re-learning.
Leaders are resilient in the way they bounce back from setbacks. Disruptions and pitfalls happens to the best of us. Resilience is finding the courage to bounce back and figure out how to achieve your purpose.
How can resilience help you and your organization to progress ahead despite problems?
Problems are not the end but symptoms. If you are falling sick very often, it is up to you to figure out what is wrong. Is it your diet, your lifestyle, stress or something else? You need to figure out the symptoms to be able to rectify it. You need to figure this out and also possibly consulting a  doctor.  Similarly in organizations, low morale, high employee turnover, sluggish sales may be some of the symptoms. Resiliency is about figuring out what is the cause and figuring out ways to bounce back. Problems are opportunities. It enables you to make corrections, and go to the depth of why things are not working out as expected. It is amidst the chaos and uncertainty that we clarify and display our character and values to others and most importantly to ourselves.
The real test of your leadership lies in identifying the issue and addressing it.  Your leadership skills are tested in times of adversities and in the attitude you take to face them and bounce back. How you face these challenges is an embodiment of and a testament to your leadership. You lead by example and this empowers and motivates your team.
Why Resilience? Resilience is required for
→Higher engagement with your colleagues, clients, friends and within the overall environment that you are working in
→A positive attitude which enables you to become more engaged, creative and productive
→Creating a vicious circle of Consistency, humility and integrity
→Leveraging your skills and talents
→Source of inspiration from your own stories and lessons learnt from each of life’s situational challenges.
Resiliency is well summarized by Pema Chodron in her book “When Things Fall Apart” and I quote “Life is a good teacher and a good friend. Things are always in transition, if we could only realize it.  Nothing ever sums itself up in the way that we like to dream about. The off-center, in-between state is an ideal situation, a situation in which we don’t get caught and we can open our hearts and minds beyond limit. It’s a very tender, nonaggressive, open-ended state of affairs.”
What are you doing today to be resilient?
How can you find ways to be resilient?
Are you going on the journey within and looking inside to create the necessary shift to rethink and renew?
How do you build Resilience? For Coaching, Facilitating, Speaking and Workshops Connect
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