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5 Essential Behaviors To Be Emotionally Intelligent

22 March 2016 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

Last Friday, I went to see my doctor to get my results on the Nerve Conduction Test, that I had done several weeks back. My GP just read out the report and said I had Carpal Tunnel Syndrome and Peripheral Neuropathy. When I asked him, the further course of action, he replied with the utmost caution. Well……. , you could go to the Orthopedic surgeon or wear a splint. I was curious about the options, despite having already read about the options, which I had explored through Google.

He didn’t give me any direct answers and worse still, he started saying that even with surgery for the carpal tunnel syndrome, there is no guarantee of relief and complete cure. He also remarked that being a diabetic means that, the healing process could get complicated and for neuropathy, control of diabetes is essential.

I sat there listening to him and not giving into my emotions. First of all, no one expects a guarantee. Life is short and there are no guarantees. Secondly, he did not tell me anything new and worse still, instead of being emotionally aware about the language and tone that he uses, he was trying to put the entire blame on me being a diabetic and making judgements on the control of Type 1 diabetes.

I was sitting in his room thinking … Do you even know the life I have lived and have you walked in my shoes? Do you even know and understand how I have managed and controlled my diabetes for over 35 years ?……

→How many times have you been a victim of being judged by another, though they know nothing of your life?

→How many times have you typecast and stereotyped a person based on their gender, race, figure, and some traits that you may have observed in this person which happens to be the same as another person or group of people you know?

→How many times have you been emotionally unaware of the impact that your tone, your choice of words and indifference creates on your audience?

→Have you honestly tried to see things from the other person’s point of view?

As a doctor, a manager or a person empowered to lead a team or organization, how emotionally intelligent are you? Emotional Intelligence is about being

1.Self-Aware

Self-awareness is the capacity to introspect and the ability to recognize oneself as an individual separate from the environment and other individuals. It is being aware of what impact your behaviors have on others. Having self-awareness allows you to see where your thoughts and emotions are taking you. Knowing this, you are able to take control of your emotions, your behavior and make changes you want.

Clearly the doctor was unaware of the impact his behavior had on me.

2.Self-Regulation

Knowing when to say what and how is crucial for anyone and especially those who are in a position of impact.

Self-regulation is about being calm, knowing your values, and holding yourself accountable. #EI

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3.Motivation

#Motivation is about doing what you are doing with #passion, #care and #commitment. #EI

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. Being optimistic and realistic and knowing why you do what you do helps you to stay motivated. Doing something without being motivated not only impacts what you do and who you are but also affects the enthusiasm and morale of others.

4.Empathy

Empathy is about putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and seeing things from their perspective. A leader or anyone in a position of impact and influence, has to try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view. They cannot allow their moods or the events of their day to affect the way they communicate or behave. Yes they are human and they need to think before they speak and regulate and manage their moods and emotions before they converse with other people.

Observe, listen, pay attention to body language and the other person’s feelings. #EI

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5.Humanity

We are social animals and we live in the world of communication. It is not only what we say but how we say (tone, body language and facial expression) that has an impact on other people. People who are human are engaging and energizing communicators in that they pay attention to the words, tone of voice and also their body language. They learn to appreciate the value in another person and engage in constructive feedback.

Be direct in your communication and yet be aware that the way you communicate can create doubt, disengagement and mistrust. If you are someone who is in a position to influence others with your behaviors and actions and not able to guard your feelings, and see things from the other person’s point of view, you lack the EI. And in not being emotionally aware, you do not lead by example nor do you inspire others.

→How Emotionally Aware are you?

→How are you becoming EI in your journey of life?

Transitions in life can cause us to be emotionally challenged and overwhelmed, please consult me for one-on-one coaching, group coaching, facilitation or as a speaker on Emotional Intelligence and Transitions.

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Filed Under: Attitude, Character, Coaching, Communication, Emotions, Employee Engagement, Energize Your Leadership, Habits, Lead By Example, Lead From Within, Leadership & Personal Development, Life, Resilience, self-awareness Tagged With: Communication, Doctor, EI, EQ, lead by example, lead from within, Leader, Leadership, Manager, Motivation, sef-regulation, Self-Awareness

Five Keys To Leadership Excellence

27 January 2016 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

The weather this past weekend was cold in some parts of the world and bitterly freezing in other parts. Most people when asked, how are you, were replying “it is cold”. The cold season shall pass and then we will slowly come to the peak of summer with temperatures in some parts of the world going up to 50°C or more. Extreme cold or heat is not something most of us are comfortable with.

Moderate weather, like fall or spring, is what most of us can bear and are comfortable with.

→How are you adopting moderation in your life?

#Moderation, not mediocrity, is something that will help you move forward. #transitions #leadership.

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#Moderation in moving towards excellence is key to #influencing others #positively.#transitions

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→Are you being mediocre or moderate in who you are?

→What kind of environment are you creating around you?

→Are you expecting people to work in a manner that burns them out?

Moderation is key to leadership excellence – How does moderation help you to succeed?

1.Communicate

We live in a world of Communication and Volatile behavior of being too excited, too angry, too sad will show up in the way you communicate. If your thoughts are not emotionally balanced, then your words will be affected. Our words do not just give information, they influence how people connect with us and see us.

#Moderation in your thoughts helps the way you communicate and reframe your #communication.

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2.Connect

We are social animals and connection with others is how we thrive. We need to learn from our mistakes. As a leader what are your behaviors and actions? Does it connect or isolate? Extreme enthusiasm, passion or apathy does not create trust or a foundation for long-term relationships. Seek to connect with genuine interest in the other person.

3.Appreciate

Silent gratitude is no good. Learn to appreciate and recognize your team’s effort and what they have done well. Don’t indulge in flattery but give honest and sincere appreciation.

4.Compassion

Connect and care with your compassion and not by being a task master. Your compassion will enable you to listen, observe and learn about your team.

5.Emotional Intelligence

What emotions come up for you in different situations?  How do you manage them, in being a role model? Be aware of your emotions and recognize them and do not be a victim of your primitive brain causing an amygdala hijack. Stop second guessing every decision you make and agonizing over whether you made the right one or not. Whilst reflection is necessary, having doubts over every decision affects your EI and leadership. Trust your intuition, reflect on what went well and what can be done to improver. Overall trust yourself and have the EI to be moderate in your behaviors and actions to self and others.

#Leadership is not about mediocrity and accepting status quo, but the ability to #inspire others.

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Moderation in all walks of life gives clarity and balance, why would you deny yourself that ?

Transitions in life puts us through challenges and moderation is key to go through such transitions to grow and develop. Please consult me if you are looking for one-on-one coaching, training, group coaching or to speak on motivational topics.

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Filed Under: Attitude, Brand You, Character, Coaching, Communication, Customer Service and Sales, Emotions, Integrity, Lead By Example, Leadership & Personal Development, Resilience, Sales Leadership, self-awareness, Talent And Human Resources Tagged With: EI, emotions, EQ, lead by example, Leadership, leadfromwithin, life, moderation, Motivation, Transitions

Five Steps To Empower Your Way To Resilience

16 November 2015 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

Last Thursday, my mom had a bad fall. She slipped in the bathroom and badly injured her shoulder, her shoulder cervical area, and her pelvic bone. Initial X-ray, that day, did not reveal any fracture. My mother suffers from Parkinson and Osteoporosis for the past five years. Despite being in pain and agony, she hobbled her way through and still woke up at her usual time at 4 am on Friday. Her pain increased over the weekend and the pain killers seemed to have limited effect. and when she was taken to the hospital on Monday, she was diagnosed with multiple fractures. She has been advised complete bed rest. Yet, with her determination and willpower and my sister’s and dad’s help, she came back home. She made a deal with her Doctor that she will take care and come back on Friday, because the next two days is Diwali, which is our New Year. She did not want to be in the hospital for the next three days.

My mother is a resilient woman. Despite her Parkinson’s and Osteoporosis deteriorating over the years, she is mentally strong, very resilient and with her willpower she bounces back and continues with her life as it unfolds, with her positive attitude.

When you choose to wallow in your mishaps, sorrows or unpleasant changes that come along, you will increase the stress and overwhelm in your life.


Resilience is necessary for each of us because it with our resilient attitude that we face challenges, stay committed, and are able to move forward.

How do you build your resilience ?

1. Set an intention

One of my yoga instructors begins her class by asking us to set an intention and be conscious of that intention through some of the poses that we may find challenging. Setting an intention helps us to focus and direct our effort towards that.

Setting an intention on a daily basis is a gentle reminder to ourselves of what we want to be or achieve at the end of the day. The journey to that intention or goal despite challenges becomes more purposeful.

2. Adopt a positive mindset

A negative mindset leads to negative emotions and the vicious cycle continues. Emotions are present in our daily lives and plays a role in how we behave individually and socially. The limbic system controls our emotions and other brain functions related to our instincts and memories. When our brain perceives a threat or faces a threat or adversity, our brain gets into a fight, flight or freeze mode.

How many times have you been in situations when you sent an email and regretted over it? That is your limbic system in action where essentially your motor skills are in full form and your executive center or the rational part of your brain shuts down.

With a #Positive mind, we allow our #brain to think rationally. #transitions #resilient

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4.Labeling your emotion

We are emotional beings and EI does not mean keeping our emotions pent-up. Be aware of your emotions and what I have found useful is to label my emotions. For e.g. If someone does not respond to an email within the time frame they had committed, I’m either frustrated, angry or resign to the fact that the person is not committed. When I label my emotion, I recognize it and it becomes easier to deal with it. The trick here is to be aware of your emotion, recognize it and instinctively label it without over analyzing and spending too much time.

If you over analyze it, you run the risk of tiring your brain and overwhelming yourself.

5.Reflect

It is easy to blame yourself and criticise. Stop. Resilience is about your ability to take it all in, recognize where you are and move on without losing heart. Learn to reflect on what went well even in those challenging circumstances, what could you do differently to overcome the situation you are in. Tell yourself, “I am going to overcome this situation” or ” I can do it” and march forward.

The way you speak to yourself i.e. your thoughts, can either help you build yourself or chip away at your ability to feel confident. What will you choose?

Make those whispers to yourself #empowering, empathetic and one that builds your inner #strength.

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Resilience is a continuous process and not restricted to being adept at navigating hurdles and high pressure situations in life. It is about a mindset that helps you thrive through every situation, no matter what they are. Resilience is not about facing every aspect of life on your own. Take the support of friends and family because in confiding and collaborating with others whom you trust, you are able to get insights and breakthroughs.

Change is part of our lives and with some changes, transition takes a longer time and affects our daily being and activity. To lead your life with passion and purpose and overcome and face the transitions in your life and thrive, Contact me for one-on-one coaching, or group coaching or workshops or facilitation. 

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Filed Under: Attitude, Character, Coaching, Emotions, Energize Your Leadership, Habits, Health, Integrity, Lead By Example, Lead From Within, Leadership & Personal Development, Life, Mindfulness, Resilience, self-awareness Tagged With: coaching, Communication, EI, emotions, EQ, judgement, lead from within, Leadership, positive, reflect, Resilience

Five Key Questions To Create An Emotionally Engaging Experience For Your Customer

20 October 2015 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

https://flic.kr/p/73ZMzw

Human beings are emotional beings. No matter what role you are in, the art of persuasion appeals to three main areas –

Ethos:

Your #credibility comes from not only what you say but how you say. #ethos #CSR

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Your tone, body language, facial expressions and words matter.

Logos: the logic that you use to support a claim (induction and deduction); any form of evidence that helps you appeal to the rational sense of your audience.

Pathos: the emotional or motivational appeal and herein too, the way you communicate is important.

Three weeks back, a dress that I liked, was on sale in one of the reputed stores and I decided to place the order on-line. When I logged in, I got a message that the size I was looking for was out of stock. I decided to avail of the wait list option that was offered to me. Within 4-5 days, I got an email notification that the wait list item was available and I need to place an order soon. It so happened that the item was still available and I placed the order. I got a confirmation that the order was received and I would get a notification as soon as the order was shipped. Two days later, I receive an email that the order was cancelled and no reason was given. All the email stated was, order cancelled and If you want reply or call. My experience calling their customer service, in the past, has not been pleasant and so I decided to email them requesting them to give me a reason as to why the order was cancelled. The email response was strange, in that they responded saying, sorry place the order again, we could not read your credit card no. To me the content of this response and the tone used was one of “no care”. I had not entered the credit card no with my hand to be told that they could not read it. If it was their system issue that somehow they had lost the credit card no, it was not my fault. Despite all this, this renowned store and one of the biggest and oldest stores in the US, that has an on-line facility, did not apologize and worse, dictated to me that I place the order again.

A relationship with a customer is built, when you can map the journey of your customer through notably, the rational side of the experience and also make it emotionally engaging in a way that it addresses their need and drives value for them. Value is driven from the time the customer or potential customer starts their journey either with exploring your website, entering your shop, speaking to your customer service, sales or marketing, or any other form of contact, that they have with your company. And it does not necessarily end with the goods or services delivered to them.

Why do representatives of organizations, big or small, forget that shopping for anything or dealing with banks or credit cards or any other type of service needs to be “An Experience”? You and your organization need to build an emotionally engaging experience that drives customer loyalty and customer retention.

Seek to ask and understand what the #customer is expecting and feeling coming into the experience.

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This is imperative, for you to understand how you can manage the emotions of your customers in order to create an enjoyable experience for them. The journey is not solely about the touch points of interaction but the entire experience.

When you book a table at a restaurant, the experience includes the way they handle your booking, the way you are greeted at the restaurant, how efficiently and courteously they take you to your table, how soon do they make you feel comfortable by way of their ambience, the way the waiter/waitress speak with you, how soon do they get the menu, how well they explain the dishes, where required, how they take care of the little things that matter, the quality of the dishes, the hygiene level, the waiting time for your order and the checkout process. If you have had a good experience the first time, you will go there repeatedly, as long as the experience continues consistently. It is the same, no matter, whether it is calling your bank, dealing with your broker, buying a house, dealing with your private banker, shopping on-line or on-line subscription to a journal or blog.

Dealing with an organization should not increase stress and anxiety and when it does, the emotional experience leaves a bad taste and the organization loses its value in the customer’s eye.

How do you create an Emotionally Engaging Experience for your customer?

 

1. Are you listening to your customers ?

Listening to your customers, from an emotional and rational perspective for business as usual, for your innovate ideas, for the complaints and the not too pleasant experience that your customer faces, is at the heart of creating a customer-centric culture.

You build client-centricity when you put yourself in their shoes to know what they experience.

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2.Are you looking at the customer’s journey from an emotional perspective?

We enjoy movies with a good story and direction and more importantly those with good actors and actress. The story is taken to a deeper level when the actor or actress plays the role in a way that you get so involved in the character of that story.

Marlon Brando, Al Pacino, Robert De Niro, Jack Nicholson and Dustin Hoffman are just a few famous names and are now possibly the most famous advocates of getting into character by living and breathing every nuance of the world they inhabit.

Hoffman, a method actor by trade, got so prepared for the character he played in Marathon Man, that he lost 15 pounds after running up to four miles a day to get in shape for the demanding role. Legendary Producer Robert Evans claimed that Hoffman would never come into a scene faking the heavy breathing required, and that he would simply run half a mile right before director John Schlesinger yelled ‘action’ to make the scene more believable.

No better way to get and create the emotional experience that a customer gets while dealing with your organization than putting yourself in the shoes of your customer. Visualize how your customer would want the experience to be and map out the behaviors necessary to enable this.

3.How Are You Honoring Your Client’s Perspective?

Your opinions and views don’t matter when you deal with a client. Rational and logic may be useful  and understanding a client from an emotional perspective will go a long way to keep a client fulfilled. Even if you don’t always agree with your client, it’s important to respect their perspective and needs. By understanding your client and their perspective, you establish the trust and make it a memorable experience for the client.

4.Are you hiring the right people?

Who are your hiring to create a valuable and customer-centric culture in your organization? What are their values ? Does it match with the overall vision and purpose of the organization? Your employees are the source to create a rich experience for the clients who deal with your organization.

People who #care for their organization and are treated well by their bosses are #engaged.

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They will focus on doing the right things including creating an experience of dealing with your organization enriching.

5.Do you ask relevant questions ?

Having an empathetic ear to issues that your client faces is one of the best ways to create a long-term relationship with the client. Watch your tone of voice or tone of the email, body language and the words you choose during your interaction. By asking questions such as how may I help you? What is one thing you would like me to do to rectify the situation?, you show empathy and humanity.

Be open, yet circumspect, because this enables you to be in the moment, to ask relevant questions, establish trust and allows the other person to open up. Being over smart never helps because that is going to aggravate your customer and worsen the relationship.

To create a memorable journey for a customer, observe and listen for cues on what do your customers expect from dealing with your organization’s product and services, what would you expect if you were a customer of your products and services, how others want to interact. Adapt your communication style and this applies to every part of the organization, irrespective of customer facing or not, to what your customer may want.

One of my yoga instructors recently remarked that Yoga is not something to get over and done with. It is an experience, an experience of growing strong, breathing and being present in the moment and this has to come from within. Coming from within is something each of are responsible for and the journey is made more pleasant by the instructor’s way of instructing, the rhythm and flow of the class and poses which enables you to breathe, even in your most challenging moment. In the same way, when you are delivering a product or service, no matter the industry, make it a memorable experience and journey for your customer because we are emotional beings and you will drive value for your clients.

From My Professional Experience to Your Success, please contact me for one-on-one coaching, training, group coaching, facilitation, speaking and workshops. 

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Filed Under: Brand You, Character, Coaching, Communication, Customer Service and Sales, Emotions, Employee Engagement, Energize Your Leadership, Integrity, Lead By Example, Lead From Within, Leadership & Personal Development, Sales Leadership, self-awareness Tagged With: client-centricity, Communication, customer, customer loyalty, EI, emotional engagement, EQ, lead by example, leadfromwithin

How To Be Assertive in 15 Easy Steps

21 September 2015 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

Assertiveness means being aggressive, and so I chose not to be assertive, was the comment made by one of my colleagues whilst we were chatting about the ability to say “No”.

-Does assertiveness equal aggression ?
-If a woman is assertive, is the common misperception, especially in the Asian society, that she is aggressive.
– if your boss, knowing that you have an important commitment at 6 pm today, which you have informed him of, walks over to your desk at 5:30 pm and tells you that you need to submit some deliverables by 7 pm this evening, for a client meeting at 10 am tomorrow, would that be considered aggressive ?
– if you decide to remind him of your commitment at 6 pm and state that you will attend to it the next morning and submit it before the client meeting, would that be assertive or aggressive?

Assertiveness is often perceived as aggression. On the spectrum of communication, passive lies at one end and aggression at the other end. Assertiveness lies right at the mid-range. Assertiveness is where not only your needs matter but also those of others and the way you communicate, takes care of both.

Assertive communication is about working with people and not against them. Albert Mehrabian has conducted several studies on communication and his premise was that when we are not aligned in our vocal, visual and verbal, minimal or no importance is given to our words (verbal). When our body language, facial expressions, tone in which we communicate and the words we communicate with, are incongruent, what is given importance in our communication is

55% to body language and facial expressions – Visual
38% to vocal – tone of our voice
7% to words – words used to deliver our message.

Assertive communication can be aggressive if our tone, body language, and facial expressions used to convey our message indicates rudeness and arrogance even if the words used may be gentle.

If your boss decides to dump something on your desk at the 11th hour, very well knowing that you had a commitment, that is considered aggression. If you decide to say that you will attend to it tomorrow and make sure it gets done before the client meeting, then it is not considered as aggression as long as your visual, vocal and verbal are aligned and does not indicate rudeness.

Aggressive behavior is where you are arrogant and demand for things whereas Assertiveness is about being frank and forthright about your needs and rights without ignoring those of others.

Being assertive may be challenging and it is a skill that can be learned. The primer for developing your assertiveness is a good understanding of who you are and a belief in the value you bring. When you have that and are able to convey that in the way you communicate, you display your self-confidence.

How to be Assertive and What are some of the techniques ?

→1. To be professional and respectful

→2. Use appropriate language and humor

→3. Consider the audience, relationship, and environment

→4. Turn the negative into positive

→5. Aware of diversity issues

→6. Listen without prejudice or bias

→7. Be non-judgmental

→8. Do not get defensive

→9. Be warm and approachable

→10. To Communicate assertively means to communicate with diplomacy, and tact and confidence. It means being aware and sensitive and keeping negative emotions at bay.

→11. To be assertive does not mean compromising nor being aggressive. You can get to “win-win” more easily and see the value in what your counterparty or audience is saying and in his/her position. You see their point of view.

→12. You Walk your talk and you stay committed to your word.

→13. You treat everyone else as they would want to be treated and in doing so, you are self-confident and believe in yourself.

→14. You are empathetic and do not shy away from direct communication.

→15. You prepare well on the way you need to communicate. You maintain your EQ even in the most difficult of circumstances.

#Assertiveness helps to build and develop on your #self-confidence and improve your #peopleskills.

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Being assertive shows that you respect yourself because you are willing to stand up for your interests and express your thoughts and feelings without hurting others.

Assertiveness is not the solutions to all your problems and you need to be assertive as is appropriate to the given situation. Context is key to being an assertive communicator.

With the various transitions in life, you need to be assertive and find your core.  For enhancing your communications skills either on a one-on-one basis or by way of grouse workshops, please connect with me.

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Filed Under: Attitude, Character, Coaching, Communication, Emotions, Habits, Integrity, Lead By Example, Lead From Within, Leadership & Personal Development, Life Tagged With: assertive, Communication, diplomatic, empathetic, EQ, leadbyexample, Leadership, leadfromwithin, peopleskills, respectful, tactful

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