Little Things That Matter

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Little Things That Matter In Life.

28 November 2016 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

I received a text from a friend of mine asking me how I was doing and specifically on something that I had discussed with her that was worrying me. I felt thrilled on receiving the message from her. Another friend of mine who was with me, while I received this asked me why I felt so thrilled with the message. I told her that I felt thrilled because it is the thought that counts.

A simple wish, a message or phone call asking you how you are or wishing you for your birthday or good luck means much more than someone who does not bother to wish you or ask you how you are. Most of us have friends or relatives who rarely think of us and may be buy us a gift once in a while and make a big ado about this. Yet, there are others who with their simple thoughts and kind deeds make your day. It is not the big or expensive gifts that necessarily count but a gift or thought no matter how small, is much more precious because at least that person has made an effort to think of you and is doing it with their heart and soul.

Life is made of moments and every little thing counts because it these little things that make up life’s moments. Significant and big things are important to each of us and yet it is the little things that make each day and give us that pleasure and joy. Let us learn to recognize it, feel it, sense it and appreciate it

Life is what we make of it and there are many things which is beyond our control. When life throws you a curve ball and she does throw this ever so often, you can build your resilience by the attitude you take to life’s challenges. It is appreciating those little things in life which will enable us to see the positivity in the negativity that may surround us.

Here are some things which I appreciate in life:

1.Gratitude 

Reminding myself of things that went right no matter how small even on a day which felt horrible because of the events that happened on the day.

2.Exercise

Taking time consciously in a day to do gym and yoga. It is these moments which energizes me and helps me de-stress and live in that moment.

3.Nature

Time with nature when I do have the time to hike. Being with nature helps me find myself and provide clarity to me.

4.Appreciate  

The special people in your life, the thoughtful things they do for you, the good wishes they send your way.

5.Grounded

One of my yoga instructors made a great comment recently. While we were seated, she said, feel the grounding of any part of your body that is in contact with the ground. When she said that I immediately felt a gratitude for my hands and feet that work and is able.

6.Cooking

Preparing a dish or several dishes and letting your creativity flow.

7.Walking

Walking and feeling the air around you.

8.Thank you

A #thankyou from your heart ever so often not only cheers you up but brings #joy to others.

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9.Thinking and reaching out

Reaching out to your friends or family and sending them good wishes.

10.Listening

Thank people who give you the gift of their time and sincere ears.

Give the #gift of your time to #listen with your ears, eye, heart and soul. #communication

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Give your undivided attention to your family, near and dear ones and to your team.

11.Remembering names

“Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” -Dale Carnegie. How do you feel when someone addresses you by their name? Each of us feel good when people remember our name. Let’s give that joy to someone else.

12.Asking About Personal Interests

Get to know a colleague of yours at a deeper level. What are their interests? Asking questions or commenting on such interests before or after a meeting or at lunch or after work builds a bridge of connection. This connection helps you to make that relationship stronger.

Little things matter because they help you to #appreciate #life and what you have. #gratitude

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What are some of the things that you appreciate in life? Please feel free to share it in the comments box.

Please consult me for one-on-one coaching, facilitating work shops on communication, transitions, diversity or leadership.

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Filed Under: Attitude, Character, Coaching, Communication, Emotions, Energize Your Leadership, Habits, Lead By Example, Lead From Within, Leadership & Personal Development, Life, Mindfulness, Resilience, self-awareness Tagged With: Communication, Gratitude, lead by example, lead from within, Leadership, life, Listening, little things that matter, Nature

What Does It Take To “Lead By Example”?

21 September 2016 By Lalita Raman 2 Comments

Two days back, I had to change my gym routine due to my work schedule. As a result, I decided to try out an instructor whose class I have not tried out before. During the class, he kept repeating, “……come on, more energy” to some members of the class and yet there was no change. I had to consciously remind myself to be at a high energy level and keep my focus.

Why did I have to consciously remind myself to be energetic, when being energetic and enthusiastic is something that I am. What was lacking?

The instructor’s energy levels were low. His movements in the Combat class lacked power, enthusiasm and energy. He was eager in his facial expressions but not in his moves and technique, which is imperative in a combat class or in any of the fitness class.

I was reminded of that moment, 4 years back, where my master trainer told me that as a facilitator my energy and enthusiasm levels have to be congruent to what I am saying and to the moment. To quote him “If your energy levels are at 80% then the participants in the class are going to be at probably at 40%-50%. When you keep your energy levels to 150%, then you will have a class with enthusiastic and engaged participants.”

I experienced the lack of enthusiasm and engagement, in the fitness class and have experienced it in the facilitation of trainings or workshops by some other trainers and on some occasions, early on, in my own journey, of being a corporate leadership and communication facilitator.

No matter what role each of us play, we cannot expect others to follow, listen, support or do anything till we play that role in its entirety.

Be #excited, #eager and #energetic in what you do, say and how you say and look, to #leadbyexample.

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How can you be a leader if you are not:

 

1.Enthusiastic

If you are not enthusiastic about what you do, what you say, how you look, how you act and say, then you do not lead by example and you will not be able to gain others trust. You will not be credible.

2.Encouraging

When you speak words of encouragement you show others that you trust their potential and recognize and appreciate them. When you see others doing their job well, and show your appreciation and encouragement, you give others a fine reputation to live up to.

You inspire action by appreciating others for what they have done well. #leadership

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3.Getting a Fresh Perspective

Words of command or request mean nothing if you are not willing to be in the trenches. Similarly words of encouragement do not mean anything, if they are not genuine. A leader is one who knows how to let go and does so by getting a fresh perspective. If things are not working, ask yourself what other perspective could you have, to achieve your desired outcome.

4.Prioritizing

Each of us have 24 hours in a day, and yet constrained by time. By not prioritizing, you lose focus and are unable to be enthusiastic and energetic, thus setting a bad example.

5.Accountable

If you are not accountable for your actions, you will not be credible. Accountability is an important trait in every human being.

6.Resilient

Your ability to handle challenges and grow from there and thereby enhance your skills shows your resilience.

A #leader leads by example only if they walk their talk and are #consistent and #committed.

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No matter how you feel, you can be inspiring as a leader only when you show enthusiasm and energy in what you have to say or do.

How are you being enthusiastic?

How do you manage your moods and other challenges in order to be energetic?

Communication is an essential part of leadership. If you are looking to enhance your communication skills and be an effective leader, please consult me for one -on-one coaching, group coaching, workshops to facilitate a training or as a key note speaker.

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Filed Under: Attitude, Character, Coaching, Communication, Energize Your Leadership, Generalizations, Habits, Integrity, Leadership & Personal Development Tagged With: committed, Communication, energetic, enthusiastic, lead by example, lead from within, Leadership

5 Sure Fire Ways of Overcoming Fear and Overwhelm

12 July 2016 By Lalita Raman 2 Comments

Three weeks back, I was facilitating a presentation skills training and during the break I checked my phone and saw a message from my sister- pumping heart problem, call and please come urgently. I was in shock when I read the message and in that shock did not unlock my phone and check further details of the message.

My mom had been discharged just the day before, on Sunday, after spending 3-4 days in ICU. I was wondering how from Parkinson’s she was suddenly having heart problems. Little did I realize that it was my dad who was serious, till I called my sister and thereafter quickly read my messages. I was in a state of confusion and the break was only for 10 minutes. I was caught between thoughts of my dad and praying he gets ok and giving my fullest to the participants. There was a fear that was constantly pulling me away from keeping myself focused. Yet, I put my fear and panic aside and delivered the training.

My sister described to me on the phone later, when I arrived home, the events of that morning. She was caught between panic and having to act swiftly to rush my dad to the hospital. She acted in a timely manner, arranged for the ambulance and she and her husband managed to get my dad to the ICU in the nick of time.

Fear is part of our life’s journey. There is a fear that is created by our imagination and letting our mind wander wild and there is a panic that takes over us, when events rock our world.

Yes, in that moment of fear, our emotional part of the brain takes over and we go into a freeze, fight, flight or appease mode. The executive center of the brain or the logical part of the brain shuts down when we are in a state of fear.

Are there ways to manage this state of fear and have our rational part of the brain take over?

I’m reminded of Katherine Paterson’s quote on fear “To fear is one thing. To let fear grab you by the tail and swing you around is another.”

Ways to manage and overcome fear

1.Breathe

Deep breathing is something we hear often and yet forget about doing so. When we are in a state of panic, our breathing becomes shallow thereby sending a signal to the brain of anxiety.

When you are in fear, consciously take the following steps

-Tell yourself to stop whatever you are doing. This gives you a moment away from the emotion you are going through.
-Consciously breathe in and out and count the no of breaths in and out. Breathing in and out consciously is difficult when you are in an emotional state – be it fear, anger or feeling of overwhelm. Thus consciously forcing yourself to do this is important.
-Once you focus on your breathing… It becomes easier to increase the count you breathe in and breathe out. Counting your breath in and out allows you to focus and bring your rational brain into play again.

In a matter of less than 2 minutes, I was able to focus on the training by reminding myself to breathe in and out.

2.Focus on the task at hand and desired outcome

Ask yourself how important is the task at hand and will that be affected if you allow yourself to remain in the state of panic? Sometimes rating your fear on a scale of 1-10 v/s the importance of the task in hand on a scale of 1-10 helps to put things in perspective.

If there is a repetitive pattern of fear before a particular activity or task or even an unexpected event, reflecting on what you can do different, so that you don’t get into a fear mode is another way to gradually overcome fear.

Both my sister and I got ourselves to focus on our tasks at hand and didn’t allow our imagination to go wild.

3.Imagination

We imagine and imagination within limits is good. Imagination going wild can cause anxiety and fear. Think about the number of times you were worried about something and finally actual results or reality was far different from your wild imagination.

The thinking process that we go through, usually without realizing it, to get from a fact to a decision or action are based on our prior experiences and beliefs. Our prior experiences or beliefs can thus lead us to making our own interpretation of what the events mean and we draw conclusions based on these interpreted facts and our assumptions.

Fear and anxiety often arises from our uncontrolled imagination. When you get into this mode, either

-Ask yourself, “what is the worst that can possibly happen?”
-Prepare to accept the worst.
-Try to improve on the worst
and
Remind yourself of the exorbitant price you can pay for worry and anxiety in terms of your health. Decide just how much anxiety a thing may be worth and refuse to give it more.

There are things beyond one’s control and for such things it is best to Cooperate with the inevitable.

The past can be used as a guide for future, as an inspiration but never as a source of worry and anxiety.

Use your imagination to see yourself in a positive, present (in terms of where you want to be) and powerful state with regard to upcoming events and that will help you prepare and be in a calm state of mind.

On the day when my dad was hospitalized all I could do was to pray and hope for the best. By worrying and thinking about my dad at that point in time, I realized I would lose my focus on the task at hand. I also told myself, that the earliest I could leave was that evening because there were no flights earlier.

4.Cultivate a peaceful mental attitude

Our mind can be a monster and we should encourage ourselves to consciously fill our mind with thoughts of peace, courage, health, and hope. Keeping yourself constructively busy mentally and physically will help the mind and our brain to focus on achieving something and not wander away.

5.Gratitude

Reminding yourself of things you are capable of and what you have done builds the positivity and in that positive state of mind, creativity is encouraged and fear is reduced.

Having a mindset of gratitude to things you have, things that you are capable of and challenges that you have overcome helps to ease doubt and fear.

Fear is a state of mind and with some or all of the above points, we can learn to control our monkey mind.

Fears and self-doubts will come up when you take on a new role, take on greater responsibility, manage a larger team or new team or speak up. Find out what you limiting beliefs are by going through the above steps or hiring a professional coach.

Do not let your #fear or limiting beliefs stop you from what you want to do or be. #self-confidence

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To overcome fears and doubts and enhance your self-confidence, consult me for either one-on-one coaching, group coaching, facilitation, training or as a key note speaker.

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Filed Under: Attitude, Character, Communication, Habits, Integrity, Lead By Example, Lead From Within, Leadership & Personal Development, Life, self-awareness Tagged With: coaching, Communication, fear, lead by example, Leadership, leadfromwithin

5 Key Benefits From Story Telling

1 June 2016 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

Jack started off by telling us that the bank that he was working with, had just announced a reorganization and that the division he had been working in, was going to be sold to another bank. He started preparing his CV, met few headhunters and specifically stated how one headhunter, Gina, was a bit different, in the way she asked questions and discovered more about him, his skills, and his background.

She put him up for an interview with a company, although she felt that he was probably not an exact fit. He goes on to describe the various stages of the interview, the ups and downs, the excitement and the apprehension.  Jack then interviews with the Managing Director, and he describes how he articulated to the Managing Director, that he was the right fit for that job. He lets the audience feel every moment of this interview, describing the room, the behaviors of this MD, his own feelings, and he continues to build it up, the audience waiting with abated breadth and thereafter he ends the story on a climax, bringing it all together. His story made us think, care, feel, and emotionally connect with his experience. He took us through the high and low, the action, an element of suspense and overall kept us riveted and engaged throughout.

Telling Stories is an art, a craft, and a skill that can be developed. #communication #leadership

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We are emotional beings and emotion is the critical element that makes information relevant and memorable. Storytelling is an art, science and craftsmanship and it relies on our real life experiences and creative thought processes. Through stories we inform, engage, entertain, convince, add depth to ours and others lives and give meaning to our relationships. A well told story provides the relevant context in our work.

A leader should be and want to be a good story teller. Here is why

1.To Communicate

A #leader needs to engage and understand their audience to make the #communication effective.

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We are bombarded on a day-to-day basis with never ending flow of information and numbers. Never ending stream of data may be useful but can get boring. Communication happens if it reaches the ears of the listener in the way it was intended. An interesting and well told story is able to capture the attention of the audience, convey the message which reams of data may not be able to. One of the qualities of a great communicator is credibility and connecting with the audience. No one else will be able to tell your story as well as you do because you have experienced it and thus earned the right.

2.To Empower

#Leaders are respected when they #empower others to their full potential. #leadership

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Story telling not only empowers the story teller but also the audience. By telling a story, the story teller reminds himself or herself of how strong they are and the lessons learnt. The audience listening to the story is empowered to act in the desired manner based on the lesson learnt from others stories.

3.To Inspire

One of the qualities of a #leader is to inspire and to lead by example. #leadership #leadbyexample

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There are many movies based on true stories, and be it in a movie like Race, which is based on the incredible true story of courage, determination, tolerance, and friendship, and an inspiring drama about Jesse Owens fight to become an Olympic legend or Catch me if you can, which is based on a major con artist, Frank Abagnale Jr. who was successful at stealing millions of dollars, acting as a Pan Am pilot, a doctor and a legal prosecutor – all before his 19th birthday. Each of these have a story from which you can be inspired by the grit, determination, the courage, the EQ or IQ of the person whose life, these stories are based on.

4.To Educate

Leaders often need to educate people on policies, procedures and on the way to do things. All of this is necessary and yet you may feel it is mundane and boring. What better way to educate than by way of stories.
Stories not only inspires us but educates us, in that, we can learn lessons based on the theme of the story. Stories enables us to remember and apply the lesson, learnt from others’ lives. “Think before you speak” or “Learn from your mistakes” is great advise to receive and yet one that we hear so often that sometimes we may tend to ignore this advise. When you hear stories from people of the consequences of thinking before speaking, and the lesson learnt, we can remember it because it lands on us well and it educates us.

5.To Reinforce Positive Behaviors

#Leaders need to reinforce positive behaviors by who they are and stories are a great way to do so.

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Jack through his story conveyed his confidence, positive attitude and presence of mind to create a positive impression on the managing director of the company with whom he was interviewing. By his narrative, he was able to reinforce to the audience, the positive behaviors of wit, EQ, adaptability and being present.

Story telling is only effective when it is legitimate, when you relive that moment so that you take the audience to that moment and you connect with the story and the audience emotionally.

Tell a story well and you create an impact as a human being and as a #leader. #leadership

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Stories are great when they are authentic, genuine and based on real events in your life and you need to tell your stories in a way that you evoke the necessary response in your audience and it inspires them.

How are you communicating, inspiring, educating and engaging your audience?

What stories are your telling?

Please feel free to share your thoughts on the Power Of Storytelling.

The narratives that you tell yourself affects and impacts who you are, it drives your self-confidence and it can   be damaging too. Please feel free to connect with me for one-on-one coaching, team coaching, facilitation or as a key note speaker.

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Filed Under: Attitude, Brand You, Character, Coaching, Communication, Culture, Customer Service and Sales, Employee Engagement, Integrity, Lead By Example, Lead From Within, Leadership & Personal Development, Life Tagged With: benefits, coaching, Communication, inspire, lead by example, lead from within, Leader, Leadership, stories

5 Secrets To Good Conversations

4 May 2016 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

Three weeks back, I was facilitating a training, where we had just completed a module on capturing attention of the audience by way of brief and captivating personal stories. In the debrief, a challenge that was expressed by some participants was that they are no good at thinking of and telling stories. I did not want to disagree with them or persuade them otherwise. Instead, I got the group together in a circle and I said I’ll start by saying one or two words and we continue clock wise with each participant adding one of two words that link and make sense, till we build a meaningful story. Initially, some participants took a little longer than others. In the second round it got more interesting and quicker and we built a fun and captivating story at the end of 5 minutes. Five minutes is all it took to build a story and a conversation. The conversation flowed, creativity was at its best and the participants who were skeptical of their story telling skills at the outset, realized that they were unnecessarily giving in to their inner fears. There were smiles, positivity and a rise in energy at the end of this activity.

A month ago, I got an email through my website. I normally do not click open these random emails. This time, I clicked open only because the name of this person was the same as that of one of my school friends. When I opened this email, lo and behold, it was her. After 25+ years she had found me. We connected and chatted for almost an hour. It seemed we hadn’t lost contact. There were no inhibitions, no judgment and a conversation that just flowed.

How many times have been in conversations that felt like the two above?

How many times have we felt inspired by the conversation where the words and ideas are flowing like a painter painting with inspiration on his canvas.

What is the secret to such Good Conversations ?

1.Be Genuinely Interested In The Other Person

How have you felt when someone talks endlessly about themselves, their achievements, whom they know ?Boring.. and maybe you want to run away.

One of Dale Carnegie’s principles of Building Rapport with others is to “

“Become genuinely interested in other people”. #leadership #influence #communication

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In his book “How To Win Friends and Influence People“, one of the examples he gives is when he met a distinguished botanist at a dinner party and the conversation that flowed thereafter. Dale Carnegie had never met a botanist before and found meeting the botanist fascinating. He, during the entire conversation with the botanist listened to the botanist. On his way out, the botanist was singing praises about Dale Carnegie to the host of the dinner party and called him a good conversationalist.

Dale Carnegie had listened and listened intently and he did so because he was genuinely interested.

Best conversations begin by showing genuine interest in other people, their world and what interests them.

2.Listening To Connect

Most of today’s conversations miss the mark because people are so involved in their smart phone that they don’t listen to understand. They do not even hear, forget about listening.

Even when listening happens, people are listening to react and respond.

If we don’t feel good when we are not listened to, why would we want to not listen to someone else?  Listen, Listen, Listen and there is no short cut to this .

Through #listening we #influence and we #connect. #leadership #communication #peopleskills

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Throw yourself a challenge and listen actively to at least 5 conversations that you have per day, for the next 15 days. What did you experience? Feel free to share the experience.

3.Ask Questions To Engage

Asking good #questions is about showing genuine interest. #communication #leadership #influence

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. Ask open ended questions and listen to the answers to engage in a good conversation. Probing and deep dive questions should be avoided if you are meeting the person for the first time or haven’t yet built a rapport. In fact, if you are genuinely interested in the person and the conversation, it is not difficult to ask relevant questions.

Questions are a great way to have a great conversation and be engaging, as long as they are relevant and appropriate.

4.Add Value

In any conversation, especially business conversations, always look for opportunities to add value.

Appeal to people’s nobler motives. #conversation #communication #transitions #leadership

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Asking questions, listening and observing are some ways to add value to the conversation. Where possible lend a helping hand.

5.Meaningful Connection

Reach out to people in meaningful ways and have an open mind about building rapport when you meet somebody for the first time. Good conversations are those where a meaningful connection is made irrespective of when and with whom you connect. Be aware about time and the space where you have these conversations. Time pressure and lack of distraction free space may mar conversations, even before it starts.

What are some of the characteristics of a conversation you would call good? Please feel free to add that in the comments box.

If the way you communicate is standing in between where you are and where you desire to be in terms of achieving our goals, consult me either for one-on-one coaching, group coaching , facilitation, training or to be a key note speaker.

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Filed Under: Character, Coaching, Communication, Culture, Emotions, Employee Engagement, Energize Your Leadership, Habits, Integrity, Lead By Example, Lead From Within, Leadership & Personal Development, Life, Relationships, Sales Leadership, self-awareness Tagged With: Communication, connect, Dale Carnegie, lead by example, lead from within, Leadership, Listening, Questions

15 Ways To Enhance Your Self-Awareness

18 April 2016 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

As soon as you walk into the airport check in counter of the specific airline that you are flying with, you may have observed that the flight personnel approach you and ask you these questions

Which class are you flying?
Where are you flying to?
Are you flying business class?

For a seasoned traveler and a traveler who is in a hurry to check in and go through immigration and security, answering these irrelevant questions is probably a waste of time. They know where they are going, which line they need to check in and which class they are flying.

Even for relatively new travelers, answering those barrage of questions asked either loudly or as a matter of fact, may be a waste of time.

Probably a better question may be
How may I help you ?
Do you need help?
In case you need help, please ask me, my name is …..

No matter what services you are offering or what you are doing or whom you are being, self-awareness is crucial. 

#Self-awareness is crucial in every aspect of your #life. #leadership

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Often, when I am either coaching my clients or conducting workshops or facilitating, I am often asked how does one become self-aware?

Cultivating Self-awareness can vary from person to person. Hint: observe, listen and self-coach.

Self-coaching can be done by asking questions of yourself. Asking pertinent questions of yourself and others is a great way to engage in fruitful conversations with others and also with yourself (by way of self-talk).

What questions can ask yourself to cultivate self-awareness?

→1.Did I show genuine interest whilst conversing with others? If not, why not? How can I improve myself?

→2.Did I accept my mistake when I made one? If not, what was the reason for the hesitancy? How can I become better at accepting my mistakes ?

→3.Do I know what made me uncomfortable in that specific situation ? If yes, how can I get over it, if something similar happens next time?

→4.What were the reasons I hesitated to speak up ?

→5.How can I remind myself to listen actively when I am distracted? 

Observing and #listening is crucial in cultivating #self-awareness.#leadership #communication

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→6.Did I appreciate and recognize my team mates and my partner or spouse and my near and dear ones, especially when they deserved it? When I recognized them, did I express it genuinely?

→7.Did I give into my anger or did I recognize it and took steps to overcome it in a healthy way?

→8.How well am I able to manage my emotions from moment to moment, in every moment of choice? 

How am I managing my #EI in every moment of #choice? #life #leadership

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→9.We are all biased, did I give into my bias or took a step back to behave differently?

→10.

How am I making myself different in my behaviors and actions as #life teaches me her lessons?

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→11.Am I behaving and acting in a way that reflects my values? Am I giving respect to others values?

→12.Am I adding value in what I do and who I am in the situation in front of me?

→13.Do I enrich diversity in my day-to-day activities and in who I am ?

→14.Do I criticize, condemn and complain when I am frustrated ?

→15.How do I react to changes and challenges that come my way?

This is not an exhaustive list of questions but a good start to think and ask of yourself.

Self-awareness starts with being aware of the impact of your behaviors and actions in every moment of choice. Every action has a reaction and how are you being in the moment?

Courtesy, Humility, Empathy, Respect result from being #self-aware. #leadership

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. Your character is tested in moments of adversity and challenge and not when life is on a cruise.

How are you cultivating self-awareness?

To cultivate self-awareness and overcome inner fears, please consult me for either one-on-one coaching, group coaching, facilitation, workshops or as a speaker.

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Filed Under: Attitude, Character, Communication, Customer Service and Sales, Emotions, Employee Engagement, Energize Your Leadership, Habits, Integrity, Lead By Example, Lead From Within, Leadership & Personal Development, Life, Mindfulness Tagged With: Communication, lead by example, lead from within, Leadership, life, Self-Awareness

Top 30 Ways To Be Courteous

29 March 2016 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

Last Saturday, we went to a Restaurant which was highly recommended by one of our friends. We reached the restaurant 5 minutes earlier than the time we had been booked for. As we entered the restaurant, we were “lost” because no one seemed to be asking us, “do you have a reservation”? or “may I help you”? We hung around there for a while and since no one seemed to be attending to us, I decided to proceed further in and ask one of the staff from the restaurant, if this was in fact the right place. He immediately confirmed we were and directed us towards the entrance, saying the lady near the computer will be able to help us.

She seemed totally disinterested in the way she took our name, and cross checked the details of our booking. She then as a matter of fact stated that the table was not ready and that we would need to wait. She asked us if we would like a drink and we placed our order. To add to the indifference that was shown till then, we got the wrong drink. Finally, after 15 minutes, we get accompanied by a lady who looked lost, confused and did not know how to communicate. She showed us to one table which didn’t look very clean and then she turned around and said, that we need to wait for another 5 minutes before they can arrange a better table. By then, I lost my patience and asked if they were interested in serving us or should we find a different restaurant.

Right from the word go, here was a case of someone not caring to show courtesy. Courtesy is important and should be part of each individual’s behavior in their day-to-day dealings.

Courtesy builds rapport, enhances relationship and yet in the busy state of life, people tend to forget to be courteous.

#Courtesy gets through language, race and any other barriers. #leadership #EI

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Courtesy is

  1. Giving your full attention to the person whom you are interacting with.
  2. Not having a “conversation” with your phone whilst you are in a restaurant, in a meeting, or in conversation with someone.
  3. Saying “excuse me” at the gym or at the yoga studio or whilst walking on the road, instead of elbowing someone.
  4. Not stepping on someone’s yoga mat or equipment in the yoga studio or at the gymnasium.
  5. Occupying your 2×2 space at the gymnasium instead of the whole changing room.
  6. Not talking loudly on the phone whilst you are in a public place be it at a restaurant, train, bus, whilst standing in a queue or check in counter at the airport.
  7. Not probe into someone’s personal life.
  8. Not ask someone what salary they are earning or why they have no kids.
  9. Not to eat or drink while checking out at a supermarket
  10. Not to chew loudly in a restaurant or at your office or at any public place.
  11. Saying thank you to anyone who serves you at a bank, restaurant or any other service place or when someone holds the door for you.
  12. Saying sorry when you are wrong.
  13. Not to reserve a place in a queue especially when the other person is not ready.
  14. Smiling because it costs nothing and can brighten your day and someone else’s day.
  15. Acknowledging an email or chat which has been addressed to you within a reasonable period of time.
  16. Remembering someone’s name because that is the sweetest sound to any person in any language.
  17. Keeping up your word.
  18. Saying no to some things so that you can deliver your commitments that you have said to.
  19. Being on time and not taking someone else’s time for granted.
  20. Giving back a book or dress or anything that you may have borrowed from another person and making sure that you return it in a good condition.
  21. Treating others with humility.
  22. Making eye contact when you are conversing with someone.
  23. Saying please instead of directing someone to do something
  24. Making a person feel welcome when they visit your house or your restaurant.
  25. Giving personal space to each one whilst standing in a queue.
  26. Allowing people to get out of the elevator, bus or train before getting in.
  27. Not playing your music loudly or not snoring whilst traveling on a flight or train.
  28. Not getting mega size bags with you and trying to load it as cabin bags.
  29. Giving your seat to somebody who is in need from an age perspective or a pregnant woman.
  30. Not being narcissistic all the time.
    Return favors that has either been showered on you or those you asked for. #courtesy #leader

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How are you being courteous in your daily life?

What other items would you like to add to the above on courtesy?

As a #leader and a person in a position of #influence, are you behaving courteously? #EI

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Be #Courteous because it strikes deepest in the grateful and appreciating heart. #EI

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For one-on-one coaching or group coaching or training or facilitation or training on Conversational Intelligence within a team, one on one, with your boss or any difficult conversations, please consult me.

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Filed Under: Character, Coaching, Communication, Customer Service and Sales, Energize Your Leadership, Habits, Lead By Example, Lead From Within, Leadership & Personal Development, Life, self-awareness Tagged With: behaviour, Communication, courtesy, EI, language, lead by example, lead from within, Leadership

5 Essential Behaviors To Be Emotionally Intelligent

22 March 2016 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

Last Friday, I went to see my doctor to get my results on the Nerve Conduction Test, that I had done several weeks back. My GP just read out the report and said I had Carpal Tunnel Syndrome and Peripheral Neuropathy. When I asked him, the further course of action, he replied with the utmost caution. Well……. , you could go to the Orthopedic surgeon or wear a splint. I was curious about the options, despite having already read about the options, which I had explored through Google.

He didn’t give me any direct answers and worse still, he started saying that even with surgery for the carpal tunnel syndrome, there is no guarantee of relief and complete cure. He also remarked that being a diabetic means that, the healing process could get complicated and for neuropathy, control of diabetes is essential.

I sat there listening to him and not giving into my emotions. First of all, no one expects a guarantee. Life is short and there are no guarantees. Secondly, he did not tell me anything new and worse still, instead of being emotionally aware about the language and tone that he uses, he was trying to put the entire blame on me being a diabetic and making judgements on the control of Type 1 diabetes.

I was sitting in his room thinking … Do you even know the life I have lived and have you walked in my shoes? Do you even know and understand how I have managed and controlled my diabetes for over 35 years ?……

→How many times have you been a victim of being judged by another, though they know nothing of your life?

→How many times have you typecast and stereotyped a person based on their gender, race, figure, and some traits that you may have observed in this person which happens to be the same as another person or group of people you know?

→How many times have you been emotionally unaware of the impact that your tone, your choice of words and indifference creates on your audience?

→Have you honestly tried to see things from the other person’s point of view?

As a doctor, a manager or a person empowered to lead a team or organization, how emotionally intelligent are you? Emotional Intelligence is about being

1.Self-Aware

Self-awareness is the capacity to introspect and the ability to recognize oneself as an individual separate from the environment and other individuals. It is being aware of what impact your behaviors have on others. Having self-awareness allows you to see where your thoughts and emotions are taking you. Knowing this, you are able to take control of your emotions, your behavior and make changes you want.

Clearly the doctor was unaware of the impact his behavior had on me.

2.Self-Regulation

Knowing when to say what and how is crucial for anyone and especially those who are in a position of impact.

Self-regulation is about being calm, knowing your values, and holding yourself accountable. #EI

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3.Motivation

#Motivation is about doing what you are doing with #passion, #care and #commitment. #EI

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. Being optimistic and realistic and knowing why you do what you do helps you to stay motivated. Doing something without being motivated not only impacts what you do and who you are but also affects the enthusiasm and morale of others.

4.Empathy

Empathy is about putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and seeing things from their perspective. A leader or anyone in a position of impact and influence, has to try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view. They cannot allow their moods or the events of their day to affect the way they communicate or behave. Yes they are human and they need to think before they speak and regulate and manage their moods and emotions before they converse with other people.

Observe, listen, pay attention to body language and the other person’s feelings. #EI

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5.Humanity

We are social animals and we live in the world of communication. It is not only what we say but how we say (tone, body language and facial expression) that has an impact on other people. People who are human are engaging and energizing communicators in that they pay attention to the words, tone of voice and also their body language. They learn to appreciate the value in another person and engage in constructive feedback.

Be direct in your communication and yet be aware that the way you communicate can create doubt, disengagement and mistrust. If you are someone who is in a position to influence others with your behaviors and actions and not able to guard your feelings, and see things from the other person’s point of view, you lack the EI. And in not being emotionally aware, you do not lead by example nor do you inspire others.

→How Emotionally Aware are you?

→How are you becoming EI in your journey of life?

Transitions in life can cause us to be emotionally challenged and overwhelmed, please consult me for one-on-one coaching, group coaching, facilitation or as a speaker on Emotional Intelligence and Transitions.

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Filed Under: Attitude, Character, Coaching, Communication, Emotions, Employee Engagement, Energize Your Leadership, Habits, Lead By Example, Lead From Within, Leadership & Personal Development, Life, Resilience, self-awareness Tagged With: Communication, Doctor, EI, EQ, lead by example, lead from within, Leader, Leadership, Manager, Motivation, sef-regulation, Self-Awareness

Five Keys To Leadership Excellence

27 January 2016 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

The weather this past weekend was cold in some parts of the world and bitterly freezing in other parts. Most people when asked, how are you, were replying “it is cold”. The cold season shall pass and then we will slowly come to the peak of summer with temperatures in some parts of the world going up to 50°C or more. Extreme cold or heat is not something most of us are comfortable with.

Moderate weather, like fall or spring, is what most of us can bear and are comfortable with.

→How are you adopting moderation in your life?

#Moderation, not mediocrity, is something that will help you move forward. #transitions #leadership.

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#Moderation in moving towards excellence is key to #influencing others #positively.#transitions

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→Are you being mediocre or moderate in who you are?

→What kind of environment are you creating around you?

→Are you expecting people to work in a manner that burns them out?

Moderation is key to leadership excellence – How does moderation help you to succeed?

1.Communicate

We live in a world of Communication and Volatile behavior of being too excited, too angry, too sad will show up in the way you communicate. If your thoughts are not emotionally balanced, then your words will be affected. Our words do not just give information, they influence how people connect with us and see us.

#Moderation in your thoughts helps the way you communicate and reframe your #communication.

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2.Connect

We are social animals and connection with others is how we thrive. We need to learn from our mistakes. As a leader what are your behaviors and actions? Does it connect or isolate? Extreme enthusiasm, passion or apathy does not create trust or a foundation for long-term relationships. Seek to connect with genuine interest in the other person.

3.Appreciate

Silent gratitude is no good. Learn to appreciate and recognize your team’s effort and what they have done well. Don’t indulge in flattery but give honest and sincere appreciation.

4.Compassion

Connect and care with your compassion and not by being a task master. Your compassion will enable you to listen, observe and learn about your team.

5.Emotional Intelligence

What emotions come up for you in different situations?  How do you manage them, in being a role model? Be aware of your emotions and recognize them and do not be a victim of your primitive brain causing an amygdala hijack. Stop second guessing every decision you make and agonizing over whether you made the right one or not. Whilst reflection is necessary, having doubts over every decision affects your EI and leadership. Trust your intuition, reflect on what went well and what can be done to improver. Overall trust yourself and have the EI to be moderate in your behaviors and actions to self and others.

#Leadership is not about mediocrity and accepting status quo, but the ability to #inspire others.

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Moderation in all walks of life gives clarity and balance, why would you deny yourself that ?

Transitions in life puts us through challenges and moderation is key to go through such transitions to grow and develop. Please consult me if you are looking for one-on-one coaching, training, group coaching or to speak on motivational topics.

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Filed Under: Attitude, Brand You, Character, Coaching, Communication, Customer Service and Sales, Emotions, Integrity, Lead By Example, Leadership & Personal Development, Resilience, Sales Leadership, self-awareness, Talent And Human Resources Tagged With: EI, emotions, EQ, lead by example, Leadership, leadfromwithin, life, moderation, Motivation, Transitions

Five Key Questions To Create An Emotionally Engaging Experience For Your Customer

20 October 2015 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

https://flic.kr/p/73ZMzw

Human beings are emotional beings. No matter what role you are in, the art of persuasion appeals to three main areas –

Ethos:

Your #credibility comes from not only what you say but how you say. #ethos #CSR

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Your tone, body language, facial expressions and words matter.

Logos: the logic that you use to support a claim (induction and deduction); any form of evidence that helps you appeal to the rational sense of your audience.

Pathos: the emotional or motivational appeal and herein too, the way you communicate is important.

Three weeks back, a dress that I liked, was on sale in one of the reputed stores and I decided to place the order on-line. When I logged in, I got a message that the size I was looking for was out of stock. I decided to avail of the wait list option that was offered to me. Within 4-5 days, I got an email notification that the wait list item was available and I need to place an order soon. It so happened that the item was still available and I placed the order. I got a confirmation that the order was received and I would get a notification as soon as the order was shipped. Two days later, I receive an email that the order was cancelled and no reason was given. All the email stated was, order cancelled and If you want reply or call. My experience calling their customer service, in the past, has not been pleasant and so I decided to email them requesting them to give me a reason as to why the order was cancelled. The email response was strange, in that they responded saying, sorry place the order again, we could not read your credit card no. To me the content of this response and the tone used was one of “no care”. I had not entered the credit card no with my hand to be told that they could not read it. If it was their system issue that somehow they had lost the credit card no, it was not my fault. Despite all this, this renowned store and one of the biggest and oldest stores in the US, that has an on-line facility, did not apologize and worse, dictated to me that I place the order again.

A relationship with a customer is built, when you can map the journey of your customer through notably, the rational side of the experience and also make it emotionally engaging in a way that it addresses their need and drives value for them. Value is driven from the time the customer or potential customer starts their journey either with exploring your website, entering your shop, speaking to your customer service, sales or marketing, or any other form of contact, that they have with your company. And it does not necessarily end with the goods or services delivered to them.

Why do representatives of organizations, big or small, forget that shopping for anything or dealing with banks or credit cards or any other type of service needs to be “An Experience”? You and your organization need to build an emotionally engaging experience that drives customer loyalty and customer retention.

Seek to ask and understand what the #customer is expecting and feeling coming into the experience.

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This is imperative, for you to understand how you can manage the emotions of your customers in order to create an enjoyable experience for them. The journey is not solely about the touch points of interaction but the entire experience.

When you book a table at a restaurant, the experience includes the way they handle your booking, the way you are greeted at the restaurant, how efficiently and courteously they take you to your table, how soon do they make you feel comfortable by way of their ambience, the way the waiter/waitress speak with you, how soon do they get the menu, how well they explain the dishes, where required, how they take care of the little things that matter, the quality of the dishes, the hygiene level, the waiting time for your order and the checkout process. If you have had a good experience the first time, you will go there repeatedly, as long as the experience continues consistently. It is the same, no matter, whether it is calling your bank, dealing with your broker, buying a house, dealing with your private banker, shopping on-line or on-line subscription to a journal or blog.

Dealing with an organization should not increase stress and anxiety and when it does, the emotional experience leaves a bad taste and the organization loses its value in the customer’s eye.

How do you create an Emotionally Engaging Experience for your customer?

 

1. Are you listening to your customers ?

Listening to your customers, from an emotional and rational perspective for business as usual, for your innovate ideas, for the complaints and the not too pleasant experience that your customer faces, is at the heart of creating a customer-centric culture.

You build client-centricity when you put yourself in their shoes to know what they experience.

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2.Are you looking at the customer’s journey from an emotional perspective?

We enjoy movies with a good story and direction and more importantly those with good actors and actress. The story is taken to a deeper level when the actor or actress plays the role in a way that you get so involved in the character of that story.

Marlon Brando, Al Pacino, Robert De Niro, Jack Nicholson and Dustin Hoffman are just a few famous names and are now possibly the most famous advocates of getting into character by living and breathing every nuance of the world they inhabit.

Hoffman, a method actor by trade, got so prepared for the character he played in Marathon Man, that he lost 15 pounds after running up to four miles a day to get in shape for the demanding role. Legendary Producer Robert Evans claimed that Hoffman would never come into a scene faking the heavy breathing required, and that he would simply run half a mile right before director John Schlesinger yelled ‘action’ to make the scene more believable.

No better way to get and create the emotional experience that a customer gets while dealing with your organization than putting yourself in the shoes of your customer. Visualize how your customer would want the experience to be and map out the behaviors necessary to enable this.

3.How Are You Honoring Your Client’s Perspective?

Your opinions and views don’t matter when you deal with a client. Rational and logic may be useful  and understanding a client from an emotional perspective will go a long way to keep a client fulfilled. Even if you don’t always agree with your client, it’s important to respect their perspective and needs. By understanding your client and their perspective, you establish the trust and make it a memorable experience for the client.

4.Are you hiring the right people?

Who are your hiring to create a valuable and customer-centric culture in your organization? What are their values ? Does it match with the overall vision and purpose of the organization? Your employees are the source to create a rich experience for the clients who deal with your organization.

People who #care for their organization and are treated well by their bosses are #engaged.

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They will focus on doing the right things including creating an experience of dealing with your organization enriching.

5.Do you ask relevant questions ?

Having an empathetic ear to issues that your client faces is one of the best ways to create a long-term relationship with the client. Watch your tone of voice or tone of the email, body language and the words you choose during your interaction. By asking questions such as how may I help you? What is one thing you would like me to do to rectify the situation?, you show empathy and humanity.

Be open, yet circumspect, because this enables you to be in the moment, to ask relevant questions, establish trust and allows the other person to open up. Being over smart never helps because that is going to aggravate your customer and worsen the relationship.

To create a memorable journey for a customer, observe and listen for cues on what do your customers expect from dealing with your organization’s product and services, what would you expect if you were a customer of your products and services, how others want to interact. Adapt your communication style and this applies to every part of the organization, irrespective of customer facing or not, to what your customer may want.

One of my yoga instructors recently remarked that Yoga is not something to get over and done with. It is an experience, an experience of growing strong, breathing and being present in the moment and this has to come from within. Coming from within is something each of are responsible for and the journey is made more pleasant by the instructor’s way of instructing, the rhythm and flow of the class and poses which enables you to breathe, even in your most challenging moment. In the same way, when you are delivering a product or service, no matter the industry, make it a memorable experience and journey for your customer because we are emotional beings and you will drive value for your clients.

From My Professional Experience to Your Success, please contact me for one-on-one coaching, training, group coaching, facilitation, speaking and workshops. 

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Filed Under: Brand You, Character, Coaching, Communication, Customer Service and Sales, Emotions, Employee Engagement, Energize Your Leadership, Integrity, Lead By Example, Lead From Within, Leadership & Personal Development, Sales Leadership, self-awareness Tagged With: client-centricity, Communication, customer, customer loyalty, EI, emotional engagement, EQ, lead by example, leadfromwithin

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