Little Things That Matter

Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

Leadership Influence or Impediment

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Two weeks back, one of my dad’s close friends passed away. He was suffering from dementia for 4-5 years. Over these 5 years, his wife took care of him. His wife is a person who showed endurance, empathy and above all resilience and there never was a moment, when, if you meet her, she showed her frustration or her emotional state to others.

I remember, as a teenager, when we used to go to her house, her house was spick and span and she used to balance her work and home life well. She maintained her house well, she brought up her daughter with elegance, etiquette and taught her to be courageous and respectful in her behavior. In the last five years, she showed tremendous endurance in the way she looked after her husband. His condition over the years worsened in that he completely stopped recognizing people and had many other health challenges. Through all this she never gave up and showed optimism and hope.

She has inspired me in who she is and some leadership insights that I have seen in her, over the years, I have shared below:-

Leaders are one who:

→1. Look for opportunities where others find nothing.
→2.Are solution focused, where others see a problem.
→3.Are willing to learn and be on a continuous development and growth path.
→4.Are not limited or put down by fear and doubts.
→5.Encourage others by asking powerful and relevant questions.
→6.Are realistically optimistic and are not involved in a negative vicious cycle.
→7.Think forward and find a way to maximize their potential.
→8.Make the best use of what they have, and their talent.
→9.Accept their circumstances and don’t engage in the blame game.
→10.Plan and are prepared to accept what life offers them and keep themselves engaged and busy.
→11.Reframe their communication by genuinely thinking from the other person’s perspective.
→12.Respect and are courteous even in adverse situations.
→13.Have the EI and they continue to do what is required of a situation. They do not stop and do not give up despite life throwing challenges at them.
→14.They give others a fine reputation to live up to.
→15.Realize that life is a bumpy ride and what is within their control is the attitude they take to each situation.
→16.Are proactive and are not reactive.
→17.Are good communicators and they continue to work at it.
→18.Step out of their comfort zone and travel the path less traveled.
→19.Know their core values and their actions and behaviors reflect their core values.
→20.Are self-aware and they know who they are. They do not derive pleasure or their own self-worth from whom they know or by putting others down.
→21.Inspire others to embrace change by adapting to change themselves and giving others reasons to do so.
→22.Are humble, generous and kind.
→23.Accept their mistakes first and call out to others mistakes indirectly.
→24.Are resilient and persistent.
→25.Are committed and walk their talk.

Life chose to give her a roller coaster ride and though it was her life partner whom she was looking after, she stood by him without complaining and without regret. Her relentless optimism and resilience has been inspiring and encouraging to follow. May his soul rest in peace and may the leader in her continue to inspire more lives whom she touches.

#Leaders encourage, motivate, walk their talk, are humble and willing to learn. #leadership #EI

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As a leader, you have the potential to inspire those around you to support and execute not only your vision but also create a legacy by enabling and helping them to live their potential.

Transitions in life creates challenges and many times takes you way out of your comfort zone. To get insights out of the transitions that you face, please connect with me.

Five Successful Behaviors That Leaders Practice To Live Within Their Comfort Zone

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“I don’t like to be constantly told that I need to step out of my comfort zone. I’m happy where I am.” I was at Starbucks yesterday, waiting for a friend of mine to join me, when this remark caught my attention. The lady who made this remark was looking quite frustrated and was possibly having one of those down and out moments.

Do we constantly need to live out of our comfort zone?

Do we need to constantly push somebody out of their comfort zone?

In 1995, when I came to Hong Kong, I had till then never lived alone nor in a new country/city on my own. I took on a new role within the same organization, that I was working for in India. Here I was, in a new country, new culture, new work environment, new language, new role and yet….I learnt my way through, from my mistakes, believing in myself and not giving into my fears and I continue to live and enjoy this city, 20 years later.

If somebody had mentioned to me that I have to step out of my comfort zone, I probably would not have realized, what that meant, then. All I knew, at that moment in time, was that I have to make a meaningful impact, prove my worth, achieve the department goals and in all this, get a sense of fulfillment and grow in my career path and life.

Yet, when I reflect, I did step out of my comfort zone in several ways throughout my journey of 20 years and continue to do so. If I had not done so, I would not have made the journey to where I am today.

Can we live outside of our comfort zone all the time ? No, in fact, not necessary.

We need time to process our experiences and thus need to come back within our comfort zone. If we are constantly seeking new experiences all the time, we may run the risk of missing out the subtlety and experiences of life. In this day of the technological innovations, breakthroughs, and being connected all the time with our smart phones,  change is continuos and the last thing we want, is for the new and interesting to become boring within a short span of time and a sense of apathy to develop.

So, why is there so much importance being given to stepping out of our comfort zone?

We are creatures of our habits and over time, we all gather a set of constricting habits around us—those that we become less conscious of and lull into an auto pilot mode. Some of these habits restrict us from attaining our full potential because we allow ourselves to be dominated by our fears. When you allow some of these not so useful habits to rule you, you will be stuck in a rut.

So how do we motivate ourselves to step out of our comfort zone and yet not make it stressful and nerve wrecking.

1.Have a growth mindset

When you have a growth mindset, you become more aware of opportunities for your self-improvement. Living on an auto pilot mode and continuing the same habits which causes frustration adds to your stress and overwhelm. Challenging yourself to move forward adds that spice and flavor to your life and enables you to achieve progress in your life.

My transitions within the world of investment banking world, where I spent 20 years and switching from a corporate career to running my own business, four years back, has been possible on account of my growth mindset. Research in Neuroscience tells us that our connection to meaningful impact and contribution activates our neural reward networks.

#Learning, #discovering, re-learning helps the neurons in our brains to make new connections.

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2.Change your thoughts

Your thoughts control who you are. If you believe you can’t, you won’t. Living within your comfort zone today, was someday, probably, out of your comfort zone. Living within your comfort zone is good as long as it doesn’t make you stagnant.

How can you expect to progress and move forward in your life if you are not willing to do something with which you are uncomfortable? Anything new is likely to create some uncertainty or discomfort. The first day in your job probably felt uncomfortable and 3-6 months later, you got into the groove.

Give power to your negative thoughts and it starts to control your feelings, words and language and you are not able to break away from the vicious cycle of negativity. Empower your thoughts and the actions that follows as a result.

3.Face Your Fear

Unknown and uncertain things is many times perceived by our brain as a threat. If we allow that fear to dominate us, we become victims of it. A little anxiety may be just what you need to focus your efforts and perform at your peak, psychologists say. Ask yourself how did you overcome some of the fears you had before? What did you learn from that experience? Let logic more than emotion prevail in guiding you to overcome your fears.

“There’s a place for information,” Dr. Taylor (Kathleen Taylor, a professor at St. Mary’s College of California, who has studied ways to teach adults effectively) says. “We need to know stuff. But we need to move beyond that and challenge our perception of the world. If you always hang around with those you agree with and read things that agree with what you already know, you’re not going to wrestle with your established brain connections.”
Such stretching is exactly what scientists say best keeps a brain in tune: get out of the comfort zone to push and nourish your brain. Do anything from learning a foreign language to taking a different route to work.

#Self-confidence comes from believing in yourself and playing to your strengths

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4.Let go

Believe in yourself, the depth of your talent, the power of your ability and the reach of your potential. If you keep doubting yourself, then you will not be able to move forward. Reflect on things you do well, things which challenge you and where you need to improve, and how you can use your strengths to overcome your challenges. Seek the help of a mentor or coach who can be a sounding board and help you get the necessary insights. Let go of being in control of everything in your life. That adds to the overwhelm and stress.

When you change your mind about #stress, it changes your body response too. #transitions

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Viewing the stress response as helpful, the heart still pounds but the way your body responds is similar to when you are in joy and courage. If you think of something as a challenge, which you will enjoy, then you are able to live up to that challenge.

5.Diversity

Whilst learning, growth and development happens outside your comfort zone, seek diversity on things you already do well and within your comfort zone. This will give you the optimal balance of being challenged and in a healthy way. Try out different ways of doing something, you have been doing as a routine. For e.g. If you write every Monday, to publish your blog post and you feel bogged down by sticking to that routine, try changing it to another day. Not every aspect of your life at every stage needs to be viewed as stepping out of your comfort zone.

If using the word “Outside your Comfort Zone”, bothers you and causes agony in you, reframe your communication.

Ask, what do you need to start doing to get to your vision or goal? What do you need to stop doing to achieve your dreams? What do you need to give up to reach your potential ? Enjoy the journey and if you feel you are running on a hamster wheel, Stop, reflect and check if you have pushed yourself way too hard to cause overwhelm and fatigue.

The idea is to move forward and provide yourself motivation to take steps to achieve what you seek and that means to get uncomfortable with the comfortable and comfortable with the uncomfortable. Your growth as a human being and a leader depends on it.

Transitions creates overwhelm and challenges in our life. Some of the changes that we get dealt with are outside our control and some are within our control. How we transition to these changes in our life is entirely up to each of us. Grow and develop or choose to stay stagnant. Consult me for either one-on-one coaching, group training, facilitation, or workshops.

Oh No! Not Another Meeting

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I can’t believe you will be there at the meeting. This was a remark made by one of my colleagues. This meeting has an agenda and we always get something done and achieve what we set out for. I don’t have any issues attending these kind of fruitful meetings was my response to him.

Couple of weeks back, I received an email asking a group of us of our availability during a particular week. I read that email and was confused. First of all there was no clear agenda or plan as to what we need each one’s expertise for. What is each one’s interest or what are each of us good at and how can this be used to get the best of what needs to be achieved during the end of that week for which this email was sent out. Meetings were held before this as to what we need to do and other than something needs to be done, nothing concrete materialized.

Let’s schedule a meeting has become the main stay of most of the corporate world, the nonprofit world and basically part of our day-to-day life. Let’s discuss on Skype, G+, conference call or face to face monthly morning meeting, weekly morning meeting or daily meeting. No matter if Ideas need to be discussed or progress needs to be checked on, let’s call a meeting.

Whilst there is nothing wrong with scheduling a meeting, regularly or not, it may not be the right solution and even in instances, where, it is the best answer, the meeting needs to be structured and held in such a way, that the end goal is achieved and each participant in the meeting feels that their time was well utilized.

People in leadership positions (not necessarily all of them behave like leaders) are more often than not responsible for calling for meetings and most of the time these meetings becomes a tool in their hands to justify their presence. It is like a tick in the box with very little or no meaningful engagement from the participants.

Questions that leaders can ask themselves is

1. What is the purpose of the meeting ?

Do I really need this meeting? Is it to discuss ideas, monitor progress and is there a necessity to do that ? Am I calling for a meeting because it has been done so for the past 10 years?

Are you relying heavily on face to face meetings rather than reading and analyzing reports and data available to you ?

Do you tend to have the meetings to solicit input from others but tend to either ignore their inputs or have a tough time making decisions?

2. Do you have a clear road map to achieve the purpose?

Once you have determined that there is a concrete purpose to the meeting, set a road map as to how you will achieve it.

Are you going to be dominant and self-oriented and give little or no chance to others to contribute?

How are you going to get others to communicate and contribute?

We live in the world of communication and to keep the flow of communication going, your attitude, your mindset and what you say and how you say are all equally important.

3. What kind of a leader or person are you ?

Check your style by performing an assessment so that you are aware or increase your awareness and at the same time get others perspectives.

⇒Are you

Conservative/Technical/Innovative in terms of your approach to problems and solutions. How is this affecting your daily management of your day and the way you communicate with others.

⇒How are you in

Structuring/Delegation/Communication when it comes to your team and defining expectations.

Where do you need to #letgo to get the best from your team? #communication #peopleskills

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⇒Are you a thinker or a doer and how do you balance it out in your day-to-day interactions – Strategic v/s Tactical.

⇒What is your style – relationship centered or task centered or are you balanced about the two in seeking to achieve your vision. How are you using your style to communicate with others and encourage them?

Meetings can be interesting if there is a set goal, interesting ways to get to the goal and there is clear communication flow.

How can you make your #meetings #interesting, #productive and #effective for yourself and others?

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 Do you want people to attend your meetings because they have to and not feel like? Do you want the participants in your meeting giving their attention to their mobile or achieving the purpose of the meeting?

When do you enjoy meetings and why? Can you bring some of that in the meetings you conduct?

Let’s connect for workshops, group coaching, facilitation, one-on-one coaching.