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5 Key Questions To Lead By Example And Influence Others

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Lead By Example – lalitaraman.com

A colleague of mine was upset that he had not received any response to his email for over two days. He vented out and then remarked that any email should be responded within 24 hours. He is of the view that even if a person is not able to respond in detail, the least they could do is to acknowledge the email. I smiled at him and he looked at me in shock. Whilst I agree with him, I also wondered about his behavior and if he leads by example in acknowledging an email within the time frame he expects others to do so.

I have not seen a response from him for days or several months on important emails, despite reminders and most people dealing with him have a similar experience. To persuade and influence others, do you personify the qualities that you seek in others?

Clearly, in this case my colleague was expecting something of others which he was not following.

We have all worked with people either as bosses or as colleagues, with behaviors similar to  :

⇒ The manager who says strict cost controls are being introduced with immediate effect and you find that he is having exorbitant dinner party with clients.
⇒ The manager who introduces travel restrictions in terms of costs and yet he or she travels business class or first class for a journey of 4 hours or less.
⇒ The manager who promotes a clean desk policy despite his office and desk being in a mess.

All these people may be in a leadership position by way of the title given to them. However, are they truly inspiring? Do they lead by example in who they are and what they do?

What can you do to lead by example ? Here are five questions to guide you to be on track to influence and inspire others.

1. What standards you set for yourself ?

Your character is built on your integrity. No matter what situation you are in or the role you play, what do your actions and behaviors reflect? Are you being a judge on yourself or a lawyer?

Do you make excuses and find a way out in a conflict of interest situation or in a situation when you know you haven’t delivered up to the mark?

The best test of your Character is not how you are when you are on top but how you are when you are in an adverse situation and working your way back.

2. What standards do you set for others?

Do you expect others to adhere to high standards that you rarely follow? How do you react when someone points out that you don’t walk your talk?

You #leadbyexample when you set challenging #goals and standards for yourself and live by them. #leadership

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3. How do you react to your own mistakes and those of others?

Do you beat yourself up on mistakes that you make or

Are you willing to use the mistakes as a stepping stone to learn and get closer to your goal?

Do you adopt a lenient approach to your own mistakes and at the same time don’t give others a chance to learn from their mistakes?

Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct – Dale Carnegie

4. How do you influence others ?

Do you give orders or ask questions and engage in a conversation ? Do you take time to listen and inspire people to embrace change ? Do you acknowledge, appreciate and connect with others for who they are instead of what they can do for you ?

Are you willing to let go of control and trust in the potential of others ?

Every one likes to get praise and feedback for what they do. They want to be acknowledged and made to feel that “They Matter”. How best can you achieve this in your relationships ?

5. What is your purpose ?

Why do you do what you do? Are you committed to your word ? As a leader you need to articulate your vision in such a way that people are inspired to not only be motivated by your vision but also act to achieve that vision.

In each moment, you create an impression by your interaction, by your actions, by what you say, and who you are. #leadbyexample

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How are you going to make these moments impactful and lead by example?

For consulting, coaching, speaking, workshops and training, let’s connect.

The Art of Believing In Others

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Karen was smiling and looked more confident and happier as I caught a glimpse of her in the lift. I had not seen Karen in the past six months.The last time I had met Karen, she was frustrated, and was on the verge of quitting her job.

As we got out of the crowded lift, Karen came running to me delighted and eager to share the developments in her life. Seeing how exuberant she was, we decided to go to a nearby Starbucks and order coffee, so that I could listen to her in peace.

She had got a promotion and the role she was doing with her company was to her liking. Further, she was expected to head up sales and marketing for her company in Asia, by September this year. I was pleased to know that the belief in her by her new boss and the senior management had brought a new life to the ever so enthusiastic and self-starter Karen I had always known.

You inspire and influence others by believing in their positive potential and by giving them positive feedback. Click To Tweet

No, I don’t mean flattery or baseless praise. We are programmed and wired to be negative and self-critical. How about taking a step back and seeing someone for what they are capable of?

Do you discern the innate abilities and positive potential of those around you? Click To Tweet

Are you one of those who tends to discourage others by asking “Are you sure you are capable of doing that?”

How do you give feedback to others?

Karen felt empowered and motivated by the sheer belief that her boss had placed on her.

Empowerment is

 →not being judgmental

→not being critical

→about challenging others yet giving them a fine reputation to live up to

→believing in that person in a way that facilitates their growth and development

What can you do today to ensure someone knows, you believe in him or her so that they can continue to have faith in their own ability ?

  1. Encouragement – when you encourage others you inspire them with courage and confidence. You make them believe in themselves or make them see endless possibilities, which they may otherwise not have seen.
  2. Empathy – an uncanny ability to see the innate talent and possibility in another. When you discern the potential of your team members and give them a fine reputation to live up to, you  empower them.
  3. Faith – by believing in another person you have shown an immense faith in what they can do and the beauty about this trust is that, they will rarely let you down. They take it as a challenge and live up to or exceed the faith placed in them.
  4. Reaffirmations – silent gratitude or appreciation has no value. You need to give on going reaffirmation of that person’s potential and talents. Feedback is a continuous process and one that can be contextualized to the situation in hand.
  5. Care – sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own world that we forget to acknowledge the brilliance in others. We forget to recognize that our words of encouragement will go a long way in inspiring another person to surpass many a mountain.

 “Treat a man as he is, he will remain so. Treat a man the way he can be and ought to be, and he will become as he can be and should be.” ~ Goethe

What is it like when you remember those who encouraged, empowered, inspired and made you feel valued ?

By believing in others you inspire positivity and set the tone for a shift in their thinking or a life-changing moment. Click To Tweet

Every time you believe in a person you open up a possibility for that person and arouse their Positive Emotional Attractor.

As a Coach, I honor the client as the expert in their life and work and believe clients are creative, resourceful and whole. By helping individuals identify or endorse their strengths,  they dramatically improve their outlook on work and life, while improving their leadership skills and unlocking their potential.

Whom are you going to believe in today ?

For Coaching, Speaking or Training please connect with Lalita Raman.

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Leadership Lessons From The Movie “42”

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Life offers the strangest twists and turns for some of us. Some of these challenges agonizes you, tortures you and you are left wondering what did you do wrong? Why “me”?

I’ve always considered life’s challenges as a way to learn and when I get into a negative mode, I realize that negativity pulls me down further and I need to bounce back from that thinking.

My journey to date has been inspired by my parents, some of my friends, my family, people whom I’ve read about or met, books that I’ve read and some of the movies that I’ve watched.

I saw the movie “42” recently. 42 tells the story of Jackie Robinson and, under the guidance of team executive Branch Rickey, Robinson’s signing with the Brooklyn Dodgers to become the first African-American player to break the baseball color barrier. The story focuses mostly on the 1947 Brooklyn Dodgers season and somewhat on Robinson’s 1946 season with the Montreal Royals.

Drag your thoughts away from your troubles…by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it. – Mark Twain

Jackie Robinson, despite support from Branch Rickey and later on from some of his team members, was not without troubles and hardships. His color was not his choice but he proved that the way he played the game and his attitude was his choice despite the continued abuse he got from society at large.

What appealed to me about the movie was the way he handled his troubles. He was treated unfair several times, but his attitude proved to be his greatest ally. 

Hardships and troubles are part of most people’s lives. Whether you like it or not you face challenges and a lot of leaders or people whom you have been inspired by the most, have faced many daunting moments. How well do you stand the test of Leadership When The Heat Is On?

Key Learnings From The Movie

1. Ignore – ignoring difficulties you face in life is not a solution. If you choose to run away from the situation you make it worse for yourself and the team you are leading or those whom you seek to inspire.

Jackie Robinson chose not to ignore what he was in but led himself with his passion for the game and proved to his worst abusers who he was. He consistently played his game with passion and for his team that made it hard for his abusers to continue with their sick attitude.

As a leader, make a choice to look at the reality of what has occurred and whether you feel you can accept it or not. Step back, assess the reality, and determine what can be done to move forward and not make the matter worse. By ignoring the situation, you as a leader can create animosity and hurt the morale of people around you.

Just because you choose to avoid to see it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist or goes away. You weaken your situation as a leader.
Love what you do and put your heart and soul in it 100%.

2. Create & Keep – we are humans and yes do get affected by the way people treat us or by others attitude. However by taking an antagonistic or negative attitude you could be creating more hardship. Recognize your emotions, prop yourself up with the support of your own positive mindset or with the help of friends, if necessary.

Your inaction or the way you communicate or not could be the cause of trouble for you and your team.

Jackie Robinson faced many situations where he could have let his emotions take over. If he had done so, he would have lost concentration in his game and in being able to deliver an excellent performance. He chose not to create trouble or add to the hardship he was already in. He was not responsible for the color he was born with or on how others treated him or their behavior. He had full control over his attitude and his response to such treatment and he made a choice to focus on his game and not get carried away by his emotions. He chose not to create or keep the troubles.

As a leader what you are responsible for is your presence of mind in each moment of choice.

3. Interest – are you interested in what you do and do you have enough passion to be able to continue that path which has been one of hardship so far?

Jackie Robinson loved baseball and his love for the game was so immense that he was able to let that passion take over and surmount the troubles he faced during his early baseball career. He kept his focus on the game and his goal of being the best in his game helped him achieve success for himself and his team.

As a leader are you passionate about your purpose in life? Have you been able to garner the support and inspire others to the same vision? Is this passion so strong to be able to lead you through the struggles you face in your journey? Do you care about the results of your actions. If you do, then will your behavior and actions yield the desired results? If not, what if any, do you need to change?

4. Support – none of us can work is isolation. You need the support of a mentor, coach, boss, friends, family and people who believe in you. The environment and people around you matter and plays a vital role in shaping who you become.

Jackie Robinson had unending support from his wife, his fans, guidance of team executive Branch Rickey, and members of his team. Branch Rickey believed in him, in his game and gave him support and guidance during his baseball career.

An encouraging hand and a caring heart is what a leader needs to get and give.

Through the struggles, a leader should not undermine the importance of setting up an environment that tolerates and supports a mistake, weaknesses of each member of their team and help them grow.

Reflective Questions

1. What are you ignoring or avoiding and Why?

2. What hindrances have you created and how can you correct them?

3. What baggage are you keeping that is hindering the path of self-development and the growth of the team?

4. Are you giving your 100% in all you are and what you do?

Character, the decisive factor in the life of a leader

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Life throws many challenges, she pushes you, propels you and prods you. How you behave, act and live through each of these challenges is your choice. Your character is who you are in these moments of choice.

We have good days and bad days. Good days give you joy, and bad days tests you, teaches you and how you deal with it makes you who you are. Your character is tested and revealed the most during adversities.

What are the key elements of Character ?

1. Commitment – how dedicated are you to who you are and what you seek to do? Words are necessary but actions provide the power and prove who you are and the important link between the two is Commitment. How would you feel, when someone who borrowed your book fails to return within the promised time? In every aspect of life, you need to walk and live your talk. Your thoughts, audio and video needs to be in sync.

2. Honesty – A journey within, to follow the inner voice that has both gentleness and clarity and helps you find who you really are. We need to be bold and courageous to follow this inner journey, to face who we are, what we are capable of, what we are uncomfortable with and be true and honest to the inner core. How authentic are you? Authenticity is not only being true to oneself, being yourself or “walking your talk” but also how you feel about yourself. Authenticity is when you are comfortable in your skin and also connecting with others without any hypocrisies.

3. Attitude – I find it rather strange that on Twitter, many choose to say thank you immediately if a mention or a Retweet has been made by someone who has more than 30,000 followers. Till then the person who has done a RT and Mention is completely ignored. This to me reveals the attitude of the person and a true display of their character. You reveal your character in how you choose to treat someone who can’t do anything for you. Your attitude is what you choose and something you have complete control of.

4. Respect – one of the values I was taught as a child is to give respect and then take. Respect not only those who are rich and famous but a waiter in a restaurant or a person who cleans the public toilets. Imagine if the public toilets in the airports weren’t cleaned or the trash wasn’t cleared. Would you like to do that job ? Respect a person irrespective of status or titles.

5. Abilities – your ability is in not how high your IQ is but depends to a great extent on your EI when you deal with others.

6. Courage – how often have you stepped out of your comfort zone and tried to be who you are or who you wanted to be? How many times have you approached your daily life with courage? I drive a lot of inspiration from reading or seeing or knowing people, who, despite their physical limitations, have ventured to climb Mountain Kilimanjaro or have engaged in similar activities.

7. Trust – no journey or relation begins without Trust. Your behavior, your act and your own inner journey should enable reliance to be placed on your integrity, strength, ability and who you are.

8. Empathy– how well are you able to identify with another’s situation, feelings and emotions? Do you like to take center stage by talking more than listening? Do you listen to understand or respond? The best gift you can give someone is your attention and empathy. How you empathize reveals your character?

9. Righteousness – doing the right thing at all times and in all circumstances whether or not anyone is watching or observing you. Does the end justify the means for you and do you allow the end to dominate your behavior? Do you listen to your inner voice or go by the herd mentality in situations of dilemma?

Inward change begins when you evaluate and reflect on your strengths, your blind spots and attitudes. You can be a leader when you look in the mirror and make changes you need to make. Leadership is not about titles or occupying a big position in an organization. It begins with small things in day-to-day life be it in how you respond to abuse on the street, how you behave in a crowd when you see something blatantly wrong, how you respond to someone who may not be able to do anything for you in your life and who you are when you feel your life is in the trenches.

-How are you revealing your character on a daily basis ?
-Are you humble in your acts and who you are ?
-Does leadership mean only occupying a title and position within an organization?
-How are you influencing those lives whom you touch on a daily basis ?

Does Your Behavior Reflect Who You Are or Desire To Be?

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→ How often are you inspired by a person whom you meet or read or hear about? → What is it about them that makes you listen or to follow what they are doing or learn a lesson or two from them?

A friend of mine, Carole called me last week saying she wanted to meet me. Carole is one of the most cheerful person I know and on that call she sounded hassled, frustrated and dejected.

I know she had suffered a huge financial loss recently having trusted someone she thought was a friend. The trust that she had placed on this person was misused, mishandled and every aspect of her belief and friendship was broken. I had learnt from her that she was making efforts to get her money back and the process had been none too easy.

When I met her that day, she shared with me her experience with a person whom she had met with regard to getting her money back.

This person whom she met is wealthy, well-connected and this is a known fact among most people in the city we live. Now you would think, this person would have some class and it is not necessary for him to be boastful about his wealth, his connections, number of times he has had an expensive dinner and how influential he is.

However, listening to her narrate the details of the meeting with this person, I started wondering

♦ If this person knew what self-worth was?
♦ Did he feel comfortable in his own skin?
♦ Why did he not allow his act to prove who he was?
♦Did he think that the only way to impress was to rant about his wealth and his connections?
♦ What did success mean to him?
♦ Why the desperation to prove who he is?

His behavior indicated a great sense of insecurity.

I place my value in the character of a person in the way they act and behave and not on the display of their wealth, connections and their titles. I realized why my friend sounded so exasperated when she called on me.

♠ Key Reflections ♠

→ Do you let your actions impress or your talk?
→ Have you paid attention to your talk to listen ratio ?
→ Is it possible for you to win someone’s heart by a smile, by being there to listen and being authentic and human
→ Do you spare a moment to think about moments when you were in a vulnerable position and had self doubts? What did you want amidst those challenges?

Interestingly, he had mentioned to my friend that he was doing this in the interest of goodwill. However, listening to my friend narrate the conversation with this gentleman, I didn’t see any such indications in his behavior.

I wonder if people like him ever ask of their behavior

→ Am I being true to myself?
→ Why do I do what I do?
→ Is inflating my ego more important than being human?

Leadership is not about titles or display of wealth or your power and control. People come and go, titles and other add-ons are short-lived. However, a person is remembered for their character and the way they choose to behave. Our test of character is in the most vulnerable moments and the choice is entirely ours to make. Awareness is an important ingredient to act in character. Awareness not only about self but others and empathizing with the situation is imperative in any form of communication.

♣ Key Reflective Question ♣

How would you want to be remembered ? Someone who just boasted about their connections, titles, and their power or someone who inspired others, helped people along the way, get alongside them because you cared.

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