→ How often are you inspired by a person whom you meet or read or hear about? → What is it about them that makes you listen or to follow what they are doing or learn a lesson or two from them?
A friend of mine, Carole called me last week saying she wanted to meet me. Carole is one of the most cheerful person I know and on that call she sounded hassled, frustrated and dejected.
I know she had suffered a huge financial loss recently having trusted someone she thought was a friend. The trust that she had placed on this person was misused, mishandled and every aspect of her belief and friendship was broken. I had learnt from her that she was making efforts to get her money back and the process had been none too easy.
When I met her that day, she shared with me her experience with a person whom she had met with regard to getting her money back.
This person whom she met is wealthy, well-connected and this is a known fact among most people in the city we live. Now you would think, this person would have some class and it is not necessary for him to be boastful about his wealth, his connections, number of times he has had an expensive dinner and how influential he is.
However, listening to her narrate the details of the meeting with this person, I started wondering
♦ If this person knew what self-worth was?
♦ Did he feel comfortable in his own skin?
♦ Why did he not allow his act to prove who he was?
♦Did he think that the only way to impress was to rant about his wealth and his connections?
♦ What did success mean to him?
♦ Why the desperation to prove who he is?
His behavior indicated a great sense of insecurity.
I place my value in the character of a person in the way they act and behave and not on the display of their wealth, connections and their titles. I realized why my friend sounded so exasperated when she called on me.
♠ Key Reflections ♠
→ Do you let your actions impress or your talk?
→ Have you paid attention to your talk to listen ratio ?
→ Is it possible for you to win someone’s heart by a smile, by being there to listen and being authentic and human
→ Do you spare a moment to think about moments when you were in a vulnerable position and had self doubts? What did you want amidst those challenges?
Interestingly, he had mentioned to my friend that he was doing this in the interest of goodwill. However, listening to my friend narrate the conversation with this gentleman, I didn’t see any such indications in his behavior.
I wonder if people like him ever ask of their behavior
→ Am I being true to myself?
→ Why do I do what I do?
→ Is inflating my ego more important than being human?
Leadership is not about titles or display of wealth or your power and control. People come and go, titles and other add-ons are short-lived. However, a person is remembered for their character and the way they choose to behave. Our test of character is in the most vulnerable moments and the choice is entirely ours to make. Awareness is an important ingredient to act in character. Awareness not only about self but others and empathizing with the situation is imperative in any form of communication.
♣ Key Reflective Question ♣
How would you want to be remembered ? Someone who just boasted about their connections, titles, and their power or someone who inspired others, helped people along the way, get alongside them because you cared.
A friend of mine, Jane, a senior manager with a FMCG company, manages six direct reports who in turn manage four to five people each. Jane to us, is one of the most enthusiastic, authentic and a gregarious person. When she started leading a team, about 4 years back, she faced issues of underperformance from her team. She did not realize that this underperformance was mainly from her leadership skills or rather from one of her age-old habits.
She initially attributed the reasons for underperformance to pressures of time and lack of resources. She decided to hire a coach after reflecting on the consistent underperformance of her team. It was only then that she realized that it was her habit of assuming that her team understood and bought into every change that was introduced, was the key reason for the disconnect.
We are all creatures of habit, good or bad. Some of these habits we are unaware of just like Jane, till we start reflecting, and making ourselves aware and then looking at the consequences.
We become what we repeatedly do. Did you know that our subconscious mind is much more powerful than our conscious mind?
It is our subconscious mind – the habitual mind that dictates most of our thoughts and actions. What does this mean?
Most of us spend our time on an autopilot mode in the way we behave and act. This could be unconsciously competent or unconsciously incompetent part of us. Take the example of someone who has been driving a car for years. This person is almost on an auto pilot mode whilst driving. Most people whilst driving are engaged in a conversation. When you think about this, it is scary.
Our subconscious mind is like a fertile soul that accepts any seed planted. Thus our habitual thoughts, feelings, and actions are a result of what we sow in our subconscious mind. So be it eating dessert after every meal, or acting like a bully in every situation of life, or making yourself loud and known no matter where you are, are habits and they result from our subconscious mind and what we have sown there.
Do we need to get rid of all our habits ? Absolutely not
We manifest good and bad habits and it is some of these bad habits that affects our health, our relationships, our behavior as a leader in day-to-day life or within organizations.
How do we get over bad habits? FOR THE FULL POST PLEASE CLICK ON LINK