optimism | Little Things That Matter

How To Control Your Mind?

5 March 2015 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

I had to wake up at 4:30 am, on Wednesday, for an early morning call, and I was dreading it on Tuesday. I don’t sleep until late and thus waking up that early in the morning is not my cup of tea. I was working on some deadlines on Tuesday and throughout the evening, I was frustrated that these on-line webinars almost always suited the U.S. time zone, despite international participation.

My mind was brooding on this so much, that I became stressed. This continued on for probably a little over 2 hours. I suddenly realized that I was unable to focus my attention on what I was doing. and I hadn’t done much. I had to snap out of this.

The timing of the early morning call was not something I could choose. What I can choose is my state of mind and how I appear at this moment of time and also at the webinar. I also reminded myself that I had on several occasions delivered training till 10:30 pm and taken a red-eye flight thereafter to deliver another training at 9 am, the following day, without a wink of sleep.

I made myself a cup of coffee and settled back into what had to be done.

I woke up this morning and I was fully present and had no issues concentrating and being an active participant.

Our state of #mind dictates who we are at any moment in #time. #EI #stress #health #leadfromwithin

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As a leader,

→How do you show up when things happen against your will or expectation?

→How do you react when you are feeling overwhelmed at the number of things that need to be done?

→What are some of the things you consciously let go of to keep yourself at peace and appear calm in front of your team?

→We are emotional beings and the strongest of us go through moments of overwhelm, frustration, and stress. Do you apply the brakes before it is too late to consciously get out of the agitated state of mind leading to stress and frustration?

What are some of the ways to control our mind and be present

1. Be aware

Self-awareness is the first step. You consciously recognize you are in that agitated state of mind. Before your mind takes control of you, take a step to come back into the present. Be aware of your thoughts and feelings and what they are doing to you and your actions.

2. How strong are you?

Encourage yourself by reflecting on how well you did in a similar circumstance. How did you get over the perceived challenge or your state of mind.

Visualize #positive images to generate positive feelings and calm your thoughts. #leadfromwithin

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3. Acknowledge

Never ignore your emotions. Be aware, acknowledge and find ways to get over it. For me, taking a walk, engaging in meaningful conversations (with myself or others) to foster understanding or even venting out to a friend or my family helps. Take steps to generate optimism.

4. What can you do?

Everything that happens to us or with us is not within our control. However, the way we show up is within our control. EI can be achieved by any of the above methods and by deep breathing. Deep breathing is difficult when your mind is agitated and it takes a conscious effort on your part to do so. Once you start that deep breathing, you essentially are able to control your Amygdala hijack and thus think rationally.

I have four more Wednesdays when my day will start as early as 3:30 am and I have told myself no matter how my previous day is, I will be present and enjoy the two-hour session and not stress about it before.

How are you controlling your mind?
What are some of the ways you try to calm your mind in moments of overwhelm and stress?

Until, we control our mind that which is within our self, our #perception of our external world will merely be a #reflection of it.

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A key question you can ask of yourself is, why am I doing what I am doing ?

For one-on-one coaching, speaking, training and/or workshops let’s connect.

Is It Worth Analyzing The Why?

10 June 2014 By Lalita Raman 2 Comments

James bid goodbye to this world a month back.

James was in his mid thirty’s and someone with whom life played games on many counts repeatedly. It is difficult to not feel James’s absence. He was lively, energetic and one who was a spectacular symbol of hope and optimism. James was differently abled in that he had lost his two legs in an accident. He was a juvenile diabetic, suffered from rheumatism, arthritis and his kidneys had started failing.

Yes, life had challenged him on many fronts, yet he never gave up hope and never ceased to fill others’ life with hope and laughter in who he was and what he did. He sure left an impact in the lives of people he touched.

I had never met James but had heard about him and his life from my friend. My friend was devastated on his death and kept asking, Why Him? Why now? Why is it every time injustice is repeatedly done to people like James?

None of his questions were amiss and yet I heard my own thoughts asking, is it worth trying to figure out the why in everything that happens?

Why do we do what we do is important to reflect on and analyze to determine if we are our real self and if the conflicts that arise are as a result of deviation from our Why.

I am a big believer in analyzing the why and I do it all the time. Yet as an observer and a listener to my friend who was grieving the loss of James, I was questioning if analyzing the why here made sense?

Everything happens for a reason and sometimes we never find the reason. Life also has taught me that trying to find out the Why many times adds fuel to the suffering.

Not every aspect in our life is within our control and thus digging into the why adds to the agony. Click To Tweet

Do you find yourself asking

Why did this happen?
Why me?
Why now?
What were the reasons?

A resounding Yes. Yes, we, at various stages in our life ask these questions for oneself and about others? But rarely do we find the answers and sometimes even if we do, we are rarely wiser and in all likelihood have increased our suffering.

Even in organizations during interviews, many interviewers hound the potential candidates for why they did what they did instead of focusing on how they bounced back or what they did differently?

Why does get into the “Being” and it is not important to dwell into that especially when it involves another person. The same “Being” can be determined from the “how” and “what”

We can search for a reason or a rhyme until we suck the life out of oneself and others, but let’s reflect on.. Click To Tweet

1. Is it Worth It – we don’t choose what happens to us or to others but the choice to react in a way that will move us forward is entirely ours. Life is for living and not flogging the dead horse.

2. Why – many things that happens to us or others may not seem rational or logical. But trying to rationalize life and each of her challenges will only take the life out of living. Even if we find the reason that moment in life is not going to come back to us.

James will not come back and by my friend continuing to ask and suffer over it, is not going to change that result.

3. How – how we deal with what happens to us in that moment of challenge and vulnerability is important and yet most difficult. Yet if we make a conscious choice we may be able to push forward and live life.

Death and many other challenges in life are difficult to accept, yet remains a reality. The best we could do is to think of who that person was and continue to be or do something that will honor their values in the world they have left. In other cases, let us not lock oneself in a red light thinking but learn to pick up the pieces and embrace an opportunity which may be around the corner.

What Attitude are you going to choose to deal with the challenges of life?

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

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Live With Hope

17 December 2013 By Lalita Raman 2 Comments

Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

“Once there was a young warrior. Her teacher told her that she had to do battle with fear. She didn’t want to do that. It seemed too aggressive; it was scary; it seemed unfriendly. But the teacher said she had to do it and gave her the instructions for the battle. The day arrived. The student warrior stood on one side, and fear stood on the other. The warrior was feeling very small, and fear was looking big and wrathful. They both had their weapons. The young warrior roused herself and went toward fear, prostrated three times, and asked, “May I have permission to go into battle with you?” Fear said, “Thank you for showing me so much respect that you ask permission.” Then the young warrior said, “How can I defeat you?” Fear replied, “My weapons are that I talk fast, and I get very close to your face. Then you get completely unnerved, and you do whatever I say. If you don’t do what I tell you, I have no power. You can listen to me, and you can have respect for me. You can even be convinced by me. But if you don’t do what I say, I have no power.” In that way, the student warrior learned how to defeat fear. ”― Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times

To me this is an example of Hope in the face of fear, in the face of every moment of life.

https://twitter.com/rlalita/status/411382047706320896

In my coaching sessions with clients, when I coach with compassion and when their Positive Emotional Awareness is aroused, there is hope in their dreams and vision. Hope sees your ideal self – the self that you want out of life, the motivational core that focuses on your aspirations, dreams, purpose, and calling

I was at a Christmas Choir yesterday with the mood so joyous, and filled with hope. This is the festive season and typically during this time there is a joy, optimism and dreams are weaved.

However, what happens when there is negativity and struggle around us or we are in the midst of the same.

→Why allow negativity to get the better of us?

→Why not acknowledge that we are not feeling good yet not give up in taking a good look at the situation.

“…feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.” ― Pema Chödrön

For me Hope is …..

Heart – when we look within we find the answers. An awakened heart enables us to find the perspective and lead from within.

Optimism – to see the light at the end of the tunnel. No matter what the situation, ask yourself what can you make happen? Living with rational optimism and positive affirmations makes life easier. What happens to us at every moment is not within our control but the attitude we take to it, is our choice.

Passion – without energy and enthusiasm about our life and what we do, life becomes boring and meaningless. Our purpose is our biggest energy driver in achieving our dreams.

Empathy – to understand another person’s condition from their perspective keeps their hope. Show compassion not only to others but to self to renew yourself and connect with others.

To live in despair and wallow in our sorrows doesn’t take too much effort. Being positive and living to dream, to aspire and make things happen is what leading from within is and makes life interesting and challenging, Isn’t that what hope is all about?

Never take away hope from anyone else or from yourself.

Don’t Walk Away From These 15 Learnings Of An Entrepreneur

18 September 2012 By Lalita Raman 4 Comments

“Set your goals higher than you can achieve.” Ted Turner

You have been working over 15 years with various multinationals. You have come up the rung of the Corporate Ladder having tried various roles with various organizations and in different countries. You enjoyed the success, the learning, the challenges and the network of your contacts.

There are great advantages of Corporate Life some of them being the pay check, the power that goes with your position and the time you can decide to be away from office on vacation. But yet some of us reach a stage that we decide to leave the Corporate World. We decide to venture out on our own to follow a dream, a passion and be an entrepreneur.

I decided to become an entrepreneur recently, after my stint in the Corporate World and I wanted to share some of my learnings in this journey:

1. Don’t reinvent the wheel – learn from the success stories and set backs of others and use that as an enriching experience to lay your own path.

2. Cash flow – before you decide to take the plunge, make sure you know your cash flow, and plan your outflows for the next 8-12 months. There is always a lead time to establish yourselves in whatever you seek to do and during this time your outflows will exceed your inflows.

3. Partners – Determine if you want to venture on your own or with a partner. Choose to go with a partner with complementary skills. Ask yourself “Do I like working with this person?” “Can we be with each other through thick and thin?”. Decide how many people you want in partnership. Decide on the structure.

4. Down days than up days – learn to take notice of small things and be thankful. It is those little things that will keep you going especially when you feel you have more down days than up days.

5. Family support – you need unconditional support from your family. Your spouse or partner needs to understand and buy into the one non earning member status till you establish your business.

6. Support around you – in the Corporate world you have the support of IT, Human Resources, back office staff and many others. When you set up your own venture you have to wear several hats and learn to deal with the various issues that arise. Learn to take critique but stay away from the naysayers and those who attempt to bring you down by their talk and action.

7. Personal brand – You are your personal brand. Do not underestimate it. It is your values, skills, talents and how you engage both personally and professionally. It is how you walk your talk. Be consistent in what you say, do and let your actions give power to your words.

8. Passion – ask yourself why you decided to quit Corporate life. Remind yourself of your passion and let that be a motivation to move forward.

9. Patience – this is an absolute prerequisite. There are days when you feel like giving up but it is absolutely essential to give yourself time. Be optimistic but a realist. Do not set unachievable targets. Choose to walk away from an option but do not give up on your ultimate passion and goal. Don’t latch onto the idea you first think of but keep an open mind and brain storm various ideas. Talk to a Coach who can enable you to make informed choices.

“Everyone needs a Coach.” Eric Schmidt

10. Personal sacrifices – there are many sacrifices you’ll have to make for e.g. Not going on a holiday, working over weekends, not going out for dinners or parties as often as you may have liked to, not being a shopaholic, cutting down on your sleep hours and TV time. Don’t forget to take a break and get yourself recharged & refreshed.

11. People, process & performance – trust and rely on your networks and connections. Learn to trust your own intuition. Remember to set clear processes but be flexible. Always obtain feedback and check your progress and performance regularly.

“Leave your ego at the door.” Howard Schulz

12. Discipline – Be positive but don’t use positivity to stop thinking about real, practical challenges in your life. Be disciplined and know when to cut your loss.

“There’s a difference between effectiveness and efficiency.” Rick Warren

13. Exit strategy – if you have put your heart and soul to it and if the venture does not work out for reasons beyond your control, plan your exit strategy. Don’t allow your emotion to take control and affect your rational thinking.

“Follow the argument where it leads.” Anthony Flew

14. Why? Every time you get frustrated and overwhelmed on your down days, remind yourself of the “Why?”. I ventured into Coaching And Leadership because I wanted to make a difference, build something with my own hands and in doing so learn something new and ride the adventure.

15. Cushion – be prepared for setbacks but let those not be road blocks. Build enough cushion for yourself and always be a realist. Even the toughest knight has weak moments but let those not be reasons to give up.

Give yourself time and support, be realistic and remember that the choice that you make today will affect you forever.

“Leave Behind More Than You Can Take.” Ursula Burns

What have you learnt from being an entrepreneur? How have you dealt with some setbacks? What would you do different if you turned back the clock?

Please share your views or learnings in the comment section below.

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How To Control Your Mind?