James bid goodbye to this world a month back.
James was in his mid thirty’s and someone with whom life played games on many counts repeatedly. It is difficult to not feel James’s absence. He was lively, energetic and one who was a spectacular symbol of hope and optimism. James was differently abled in that he had lost his two legs in an accident. He was a juvenile diabetic, suffered from rheumatism, arthritis and his kidneys had started failing.
Yes, life had challenged him on many fronts, yet he never gave up hope and never ceased to fill others’ life with hope and laughter in who he was and what he did. He sure left an impact in the lives of people he touched.
I had never met James but had heard about him and his life from my friend. My friend was devastated on his death and kept asking, Why Him? Why now? Why is it every time injustice is repeatedly done to people like James?
None of his questions were amiss and yet I heard my own thoughts asking, is it worth trying to figure out the why in everything that happens?
Why do we do what we do is important to reflect on and analyze to determine if we are our real self and if the conflicts that arise are as a result of deviation from our Why.
I am a big believer in analyzing the why and I do it all the time. Yet as an observer and a listener to my friend who was grieving the loss of James, I was questioning if analyzing the why here made sense?
Everything happens for a reason and sometimes we never find the reason. Life also has taught me that trying to find out the Why many times adds fuel to the suffering.
Not every aspect in our life is within our control and thus digging into the why adds to the agony. Click To Tweet
Do you find yourself asking
Why did this happen?
Why me?
Why now?
What were the reasons?
A resounding Yes. Yes, we, at various stages in our life ask these questions for oneself and about others? But rarely do we find the answers and sometimes even if we do, we are rarely wiser and in all likelihood have increased our suffering.
Even in organizations during interviews, many interviewers hound the potential candidates for why they did what they did instead of focusing on how they bounced back or what they did differently?
Why does get into the “Being” and it is not important to dwell into that especially when it involves another person. The same “Being” can be determined from the “how” and “what”
We can search for a reason or a rhyme until we suck the life out of oneself and others, but let’s reflect on.. Click To Tweet
1. Is it Worth It – we don’t choose what happens to us or to others but the choice to react in a way that will move us forward is entirely ours. Life is for living and not flogging the dead horse.
2. Why – many things that happens to us or others may not seem rational or logical. But trying to rationalize life and each of her challenges will only take the life out of living. Even if we find the reason that moment in life is not going to come back to us.
James will not come back and by my friend continuing to ask and suffer over it, is not going to change that result.
3. How – how we deal with what happens to us in that moment of challenge and vulnerability is important and yet most difficult. Yet if we make a conscious choice we may be able to push forward and live life.
Death and many other challenges in life are difficult to accept, yet remains a reality. The best we could do is to think of who that person was and continue to be or do something that will honor their values in the world they have left. In other cases, let us not lock oneself in a red light thinking but learn to pick up the pieces and embrace an opportunity which may be around the corner.
What Attitude are you going to choose to deal with the challenges of life?
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