leadchange | Little Things That Matter

Lalita Raman

How are you is a common question that some of us ask of each other, answer to which is many times not listened to or is stated as a matter of fact.

In this day and age where relationship with your mobile may be stronger than the relationships in real life, even the How Are You is rarely being asked?

Do you take your life and those around you for granted ?

My first experience or realization of not to take life for granted happened about 11 years back. A colleague and friend of mine, who was working in our Korea office, whom I had met 2 days back, suddenly passed away. I initially thought this was a cheap joke being played by somebody but unfortunately it was hard-core reality. This guy was in his mid thirty’s and died because of a sudden heart attack. I couldn’t believe this and it took me awhile to come to terms that he was no longer in this world. He was one of our best traders, a friend and a good soul.

Sep 11 was another incident which created a severe jolt in several lives for those who lost their near and dear ones and for many others. Lives were lost in a snap second and from an incident which was beyond their control and with destiny playing its rude game.

These incidents to me are a lesson that there may not be a tomorrow. Let people who matter to you know that you care, you are there for them and appreciate them.

I still remember one of my clients who used to get upset if I asked “How are you doing?” Or “How are things?”. He wanted his daily call from his sales coverage to be to the point with no niceties whatsoever. Being a client, I didn’t want to rock the boat and continued to adhere to his request. However, there were days when I realized that he was not his usual self from his tone, his response and the way he listened. On one of those days, when I called him, I asked him How are things? and he retorted “strange you have stopped asking me how am I doing?”
The point is we all at most times like to be asked, How are we doing? How is life treating us?

Ask these from the heart and not as a chore. And if you are not feeling fine say so, and if you don’t wish to share details with everyone who may have asked you, so be it.

What I can’t understand is why are we forgetting these basic courtesies? Has kindness and basic courtesies gone on a long hiatus in your daily life?

–Each of us have our day-to-day schedules, however, why choose to shy away from humanity?
-Do you feel belittled by asking others how was your day? Or how are you?
-Why have stereotype answers as I’m busy or I’m fine when the reality may be something else. No, I’m not suggesting that you start sharing your day and life with everyone who may ask you this question, but be realistic.

You may be independent and a tough and strong person but even the strongest need a hug, an appreciation a smile and to be asked How Are You Doing? It is okay to share the real you with your friends and people whom you have a rapport with. You never know when a simple question like How Are You Doing ? Or How is Life With You, may reveal the challenges others are facing. You may be able to help in such situations.

We are born into the same Earth and nature or death makes no discrimination.

Choose to fill your day with kindness and gratitude.
Choose to be known as someone who leads with their heart.
Choose to care about little things because they matter.
Choose to touch people’s lives with the gift of your time and attention.

Time will keep moving forward but are you taking the moments as given?

Ask of yourself How Are You Doing ? Take time to reflect and go on the journey within.

I was staying with my sister when I was visiting my family last week. One of her neighbors has two girls aged 5 and 7, Rita and Meeta. These two girls are the most adorable children I have ever met. They spend their entire evening at my sister’s house, after she and her husband get back home. One of the evenings, we were chatting and having fun with the kids when the younger girl, Rita whispers something in her sister, Meeta’s, ear and tells her don’t share. “Keep it a secret, ok promise.” She then looks at me from the corner of her eye with an abashed look. By then, Meeta, however reveals her secret. The secret being that Rita has a friend in school who loves her. Rita looks at us sheepishly and says he keeps saying I love you. But I don’t. So my sister asks her, so why don’t you tell him what you feel? Oh, but I have only over heard and he hasn’t told me directly. When he tells me directly, I’ll let him know. My sister asks her how would she tell him, and I was surprised with her response. She said, “I love my parents and my sister, and as of now that’s it.”

Mind you, this is a girl who is barely 5 years old.

What lessons of leadership can we learn from children?

Clarity – Rita was very clear in communicating about her experience, what love meant to her and why this boy’s behavior made her uncomfortable. Even at that age she was crystal clear and did not mince her words. She was confused and her mind was possibly wrestling with what she should do. She in her childlike innocence revealed her secret to her sister. Leaders often know what is needed but many times get lost in their mental chatter. Often the solution lies in mindfulness and following the heart and not laboring the mind. The time to act is not when you are confused.
Emotional Intelligence – Rita had overheard this remark but she had the EQ not to react to that boy, because that comment was not yet made directly to her. She had the emotional awareness to not react immediately but prepare herself if and when that happens. As leaders, of utmost importance, is striking the right balance between IQ and EQ. Many times the team may consist of people who may not have understood what is required of them or may be preoccupied with some other thoughts. A leader will do well to recognize such situations and not publicly humiliate team members who err or consistently seem preoccupied. Leaders can navigate through challenging times if they have a high EQ. Being self-aware and empathetic is critical.
Discuss and Ask for Help – Rita was feeling embarrassed to discuss what was troubling her in front of my sister and I, but my gut feel is that she told Meeta realizing that she would tell us. Rita did that because she wanted to discuss and see what we had to tell her. As leaders, you can’t be expected to know everything. If you are not sure of something, ask, discuss and clarify. No one can fly solo all the time. It is better to ask for support rather than make a mistake and lose the trust of your team members.

How many times have you been in awe at the questions that children ask ?

Have the questions that a child asks made you reflect?

What have you learned from observing children?

Children are always curious, they never stop asking questions. They are on a never-ending quest to learn, to share, to try out new things. They follow their heart and lead from within though they may be too young to realize this.

Don’t we as adults and leaders need to learn a thing or two from children?

How Are You?

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